i see ghosts... getting eddicated in books and in life

took niece to bookstore so she could get the latest manga mag she wanted. thought i'd get a few texts for my sf-masters program, like henry V, civilization & its discontent... looked to my left & a sandy-haired man was walking the opposite aisle from me, quickly, to keep pace w/me, smiling w/bright eyes & a mischievous smile. i was knocked for a loop cause it was a ghost from the far past, someone who'd broke my heart, who i never should've been with, but someone who suffered giant heartache himself recently when his famous & ignoring daddy died. i felt great sympathy for this fellow when his dad passed b/c i remembered how sad he was that he hardly got dad's attention; a very talented singer himself, his heart was broken because all he wanted was to sing on stage w/his pop just once, but he knew it wouldn't happen.
and it didn't. son continued to fail, it seemed, & dad continued to ignore, tho i guess in the last days, son got to be there for his ailing father. i extended my hand but he wanted a hug (he was the guy who taught me to hug & be friendly, tho ironically he'd learned it in a phony & glad-handing way)... i was shocked by how he'd changed, from a burly linebacker, baby-faced kinda guy to this handsome but aged, sad-eyed, thin fellow, about my height w/me in platform shoes. we chatted just a little. i felt he was looking for cheering up. he introduced me to his scared-looking little girl. i'd seen them before, two yrs ago, & at that time the child looked scared, too. that family was taught to be suspicious... a child that age, it seemed to me, should be happy & trusting, but obviously that wasn't what she'd seen & learned. this was worst of all, to think that the same suspicion & fear the ex-beau felt was being carried on as some kind of family tradition... i guess when people wish for fame, they (i) should consider its consequences on soul & family. i would not want to have led the life this fellow has...
it was the longest relationship i had at that time. i was a child & we were mired in partying. he was raised rich but ignored, right-wing, blustering, uneducated, emotionally abused. i was raised lower mid-class, lonely but loved, idealistic, educated, backward. he told me one time i was the only girl who didn't want his money. i thought i could save him. seeing him, i was reminded that i'd left a tiny bit of my heart with him. the feeling seemed to be reciprocal. i'd sent him condolences thru a friend, & as i walked away, he said, "thank you for the card." i looked back & he said, with sincerity in his eyes, "i mean it. thank you." (i include this picture, taken over 20 yrs ago w/brother jack, because jack one time dunked my head in a fountain at magic mtn when i was being an immature little brat. so jack was one of the very few people i knew back then who'd here & there let me know how out of line i was!... the original pic also showed their uncle dale, but since i didn't know the man, it didn't seem fitting to put him here.)