some periods in my younger life seemed so dark, i thought there was no way out, but for whatever reason, i am still here, lived through the bleak times, & (i think) grew as a result. i know now how many loved ones would have suffered, really suffered, if i'd taken the other route. our dear friend in texas, whom we hoped against hope we'd see again someday, decided saturday to end it. she was alone & in pain & if only, if only we could have told her how much we loved her. it probably wouldn't have made any difference, & it's probably just selfishness on my part that makes me want to have had that opportunity, but we missed her so much already! .... she had the brightest smile & the biggest heart imaginable. anybody who didn't love her, well, i don't want to know you; you are cold-hearted & have nothing i want or need. she was a long-legged, big-grinning, sweet, generous, wild, kind, fiesty girl (a woman chronologically, but a spirited girl at heart), the daughter of a texas judge, the one-time sponsor of many desperate women, a speaker of wisdom & compassion, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a die-hard biker gal who rode a red fatboy & turned her own wrenches whenever she could. she just loved men, & men just loved her. women loved & admired her, too (i was most definitely one; she helped me to be happier, more light-hearted, less afraid of life). she loved to buy things for her friends and throw her belongings & purchases all over whatever campground we all were at. i think that's how she made herself at home while on the road. the fellows had started a goofy club called the kehoni bros., so she started her own joke motorcycle gang, the chi-chi sisters. (for instance, i was a member, & i don't ride anything except a bicycle now & then.) she liked to bark dirty, funny jokes in her scratchy texas drawl, chain smoke, laugh at everyone else's jokes, & do an impersonation of an elephant that would make you fall down laughing. she loomed so large in our hearts, it seemed like we'd just seen her yesterday, but it had been three whole years. she was admired & loved by so many and now we'll never see her again. i hope that she'll always remain in her friends' memories, as does her fiancee mike, who died before they could be married. we had so many good times with her, & that's the way we need to remember her, & eventually we'll be able to. goodbye, stacy. we love you and miss you. :(
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
a permanent solution to a temporary problem :(
some periods in my younger life seemed so dark, i thought there was no way out, but for whatever reason, i am still here, lived through the bleak times, & (i think) grew as a result. i know now how many loved ones would have suffered, really suffered, if i'd taken the other route. our dear friend in texas, whom we hoped against hope we'd see again someday, decided saturday to end it. she was alone & in pain & if only, if only we could have told her how much we loved her. it probably wouldn't have made any difference, & it's probably just selfishness on my part that makes me want to have had that opportunity, but we missed her so much already! .... she had the brightest smile & the biggest heart imaginable. anybody who didn't love her, well, i don't want to know you; you are cold-hearted & have nothing i want or need. she was a long-legged, big-grinning, sweet, generous, wild, kind, fiesty girl (a woman chronologically, but a spirited girl at heart), the daughter of a texas judge, the one-time sponsor of many desperate women, a speaker of wisdom & compassion, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a die-hard biker gal who rode a red fatboy & turned her own wrenches whenever she could. she just loved men, & men just loved her. women loved & admired her, too (i was most definitely one; she helped me to be happier, more light-hearted, less afraid of life). she loved to buy things for her friends and throw her belongings & purchases all over whatever campground we all were at. i think that's how she made herself at home while on the road. the fellows had started a goofy club called the kehoni bros., so she started her own joke motorcycle gang, the chi-chi sisters. (for instance, i was a member, & i don't ride anything except a bicycle now & then.) she liked to bark dirty, funny jokes in her scratchy texas drawl, chain smoke, laugh at everyone else's jokes, & do an impersonation of an elephant that would make you fall down laughing. she loomed so large in our hearts, it seemed like we'd just seen her yesterday, but it had been three whole years. she was admired & loved by so many and now we'll never see her again. i hope that she'll always remain in her friends' memories, as does her fiancee mike, who died before they could be married. we had so many good times with her, & that's the way we need to remember her, & eventually we'll be able to. goodbye, stacy. we love you and miss you. :(
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4 comments:
Jenny, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I know how badly that makes your heart hurt. You remember her as the happy go lucky kind of gal she was. She sounds like a hoot!!!
your friend lisa
jenny, i am so sad about your friend. i know how you must be feeling. when my guitarist marco hung himself, i was heartbroken and angry. He was only 28 and killed himself the day before his 29th birthday. so young and such a waste. i am still angry. he left behind his very religious catholic mother. he was an only child. I cant imagine the pain he must have been in to do such a thing, but i also think that suicide is a selfish act and never an option. I am sorry your friend, who sounds like an amazing person, chose this way out. what a tragedy. hang in there girl. nothing that happens today is worth losing tomorrow. love ya, ck
A star always burns brightest before it dies away. I've heard that so many times, but I truly believe that there are twin stars out there now, revolving around each other. Kehonis and ChiChis never get far away from each other, even if sometimes physically they do, for a moment.
I know for sure when we look into the beautiful night sky, Stacy and Michael have become twin stars, able to revolve around each other for ever.
Stacy was in unbelieveable amounts of pain, physical and emotional on this planet. I wish I could say there was something that could have been done, or something different could have happened, but she chose this.
Although she was alone at the moment of her death, she had many people here that loved her, and worried about her. We tried. I can't make a lot of sense of any of it yet, but I know my life is fuller because I knew my ChiChi Sister Stacy. Just the weekend before she left we spent the day out playing in the yard, tinkering around on her bike and listening to trashy music that we kept laughing at cos in our hearts we knew that no one else loved some of the songs like we did. The sun was shining, it was a great day. But even on that great day, the sadness was still in her eyes. It was the same sadness that was there from the moment she lost Michael.
It wasn't her time to go home, but she was never one for waiting for things to happen. If it didn't happen, she'd make it. She died like she lived. Now it's just up to us to "get over it", just like she'd say. See you when I make it to the stars sis.
What Stacy represents to me come from the years that we were with her. I can hear her now yelling my name at my antics; Braaaannnn! She was always there for me in spite of so many setbacks, both physical and emotional. I can remember how much she liked to celebrate birthdays – one time she completely decorated up a motel room with balloons and ribbon for Jenny, and when Jenny walked in she was so giddy and happy. I really had a lot of fun with her. She is not gone, but rather, lives on with us in our memories and souls. I will see her checking in on us in the future. I don’t know how it will be, but probably something like two hawks flying down in front of me on some lonely road. You should look for her too.
It would be neat Lynn could get something of hers (or a part of her) so that we could put her with Redneck in Cedaredge.
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