inhale, exhale, repeat. rest in peace, ben.

sinus arrythmia, i just learned, is normal: your heart rate will vary between inhalation & exhalation. cause for alarm is when the resting heartrate overall & steadily (more than 7 days) is outside the normal range of 60-100 bpm. my sister & i each were born with mitral valve prolapse. as kids, we took meds before dental work. she maybe still does, but mine cleared up or maybe originally was a diagnostic mistake, a more recent md said. but i get palpitations, & it´s worrisome. we did a show saturday in lakewood ca at a place built for 50-60 ppl, but there were hundreds of bodies packing the place. i was set up in the walk-through with maybe 200 ppl breathing on me thru the course of the afternoon & i left there really sick. and been sick since. it has felt like covid-light. back when i had covid, i realized, this is really serious: this could take me out. i jumped on getting meds asap. this has brought similar symptoms, but not as severe, so i´ve just been lying around the house like a limp noodle, not doing much of anything... i posted today´s attempted natural remedy on facebook, & many responded that it could be a covid variant, so i keep taking at-home rapid tests, but they´ve all come out ok, so i´m gonna stop. btw, heart palpitations are very common w/¨women of a certain age¨ (iḿ now in that group). and iḿ the daughter of a hypochondriac, ergo prone to unraveling imagination, so i just gotta keep remembering: the human suit wants to be in a state of equilibrium. until it is finished... james was there saturday night when ben passed away. james was singing songs for ben & the loved ones & gatherers, & mid-song, he noticed his dear friend had perished. james knows what that looks like. he finished the song before he told everyone else in the room what had happened.... ben loved & adored elvis, so maybe, & i hope this is the case, he now sees elvis again. i want to believe that could really be; the fancy makes me happy, & i guess that´s all iĺl ever know... i just really had begun to see & understand what a cool & interesting person ben is, just this past yr. but nick still is here, & nick is worth getting to know better. we will make that happen.... iḿ supposed to be at work for extra yearly-planning stuff, but iḿ just not well... school´s about to start, & maddy is now on our staff, & so much is happening, but i gotta get better.... since this is my blog, here are pix from the show taken by krystal kozak as well as a flyer for another upcoming. james continues to be the maddingest, bravest, strongest, biggest-heartedest, amazingest & infuriatingest love of my life. that is all; more rest now.