55 years!!!

our parents have been wed for 55 years today! just called & sang to them. they are near-crazy, sez dad, doing the last-minute details for their Big Party tomorrow. in the other room, i hear rat-tat-tat-tat-TAT! james is playing a ww2 game on his oculus. the oculus is a stunning piece of tech. he had me sit & put the goggles over my noggin & suddenly i was in kenya with elephants walking all around. a big wowza! overall, however, i'd rather work on stuff outside. the latest experiment has been the second driveway. we bought things called permeable pavers made from recycled plastic that can hold up to 2800 lbs per panel. they arrived on a pallet, seven feet tall, looking like the monolith from 2001: a space odyssey. they snap together like legos (well, not that easily). each day after work, when there's no snow, i've been "working like a donkey," as dad said, & the driveway is nearly done. now if i can just get the kid who said he'd transport the new shed to actually bring it here, we will be in biz. as you know, when it rains, it pours, so that means the septic overflowed (yeeccccccch) as well as the washing machine broke. the two might be related, & could have been caused by me dropping a rock down the sewer pipe (oops). on the plus side, we are not sick & each have four able (tho sore) limbs. the chango jam was a big success tho james tore something in his knee & did not go. he was greatly missed. the house was packed, the people who attended seemed very happy, & all was much in the christmas spirit tho after the show, andy from the rush st boys posted a christmas video of us all playing with manuel singing & leading the band & i realized we all suck by comparison to him... but still he loved or at least liked all of us who played with him, & there was only one big manny & ever will be, so i need to be ok with my relative mediocrity & grateful i got to play with him at all. nice moments during the show were standing with ruben, nearly elbow to elbow bc the stage was packed with bodies, & trading parts. then when jaime sang "somebody please," tex nakamoto looked over & nodded & we did backups together & it really sounded smooth & angelic. "i nearly escaped, then i stepped on a land mine," laughed james as he tromped through the room just now, so i guess now that he's done & i've exercised & written here a tad, we can watch some tv together before hitting the sack then loading up for tomorrow's songs at the anniversary party. happy holidays to all.

"rock 'em and make 'em love you." -big manny

here is the newest poster for the event. yesterday afternoon on facebook i checked & it said 520 people were going. soon after, i got a fever, but i don't know if the two occurrences are related. my temp runs low bc of thyroid condition, in the 97s, but it was 103.8, so then of course i thought i was dying. i took ibuprofen & went to bed and an hour later it was 99.9, then 99.7... however with temperature a teacher cannot go to school bc of covid concerns, so now i can't go back until wednesday. i think that is good bc my ears and head are pressing & throbbing in a sickening kind of way & i'm more tired than usual. the temp is back to my normal, 97.4... still, my mitochondria are NOT doing their job. i hope you will come to this wonderful event in memory of dear manuel robert gonzales, known in the past 20 years of his life as big manny. manny the rockin' gentle giant, who sang like a thousand bad-ass birds & played his guitar just like a ringing a bell. "it's important that the show have manny's loving spirit and soul," tony said, & he hit it on the beezer. it's going to be fun, said jaime of bordertown. it's going to be rockin'. it will be all about love & fun & the spirit of rockin good american music (and some mexican). i hope everyone there will love it. and i hope there are no more flyer changes bc i am working from screenshots & soon it will look like a polaroid taken of a BETA tape.

clean & sober til my dying day & blablabla

realized last week that everything will pass, everyone will pass, but my sobriety will ever-last as long as i have this life. what a comfort! no one can take it from me. my sobriety abides as long as i make a decision each day to value it, cherish it, protect it. my life depends on it, so i think i should... lately has been weird & sad & then good & even sometimes great. started exercising again, every single damn day, to get stronger & make the infernal coconut cooperate & maybe help my owthritis... & playing the piano, & trying to be sociable (tho the inner gnome wants to just be quiet & alone). made some mistakes, & they kick my butt only because i think somehow i'm supposed to be infallible, but then i talk about it with friends, with sponsor, with james & after that have a chance to get right-sized again. the only reason erring makes me so depressed is i think i'm more important than i am. dang subjective consciousness: it gives a person the idea that he or she or it is bigger than the Truth... today i made myself a little crazy working on a shed project, then found out ruby car's alternator needs replacing, then tried to take care of old woman medical stuff online, then we went to the big city of bakersfield to eat some food in a real restaurant, then we did some shopping... it was a nice enough time once we got out on the road to see stuff. james got some strings so we can practice this week, then we decided we'd go on a little trip in the next few days, so we're gonna do that. our destination will be the glen tavern inn, & i've been wanting to stay there for at least 10 yrs, so i'm happy. it's kind of a destination hotel, like the el cortez in vegas or the mission inn riverside or el rancho gallup or a thousand other places, so we will slumber in a pretty space with our dog girl... then next week will bring a gig, then a stay with tony lopez, then a practice with good folks, playing rockin christmas songs, so can't get much better than that for me. the biggest thing today, tho, was as i was dealing w medical stuff online, somehow an email from 2017 popped up... which was a forward of gene taylor's joe dean stories from 2007. gene was writing a book, & i was his editor. i thought all of that was long gone. it was a huge wow! i forwarded them to james, who knew gene way better than i did... still i feel so fortunate & humbled that his stories, at least the parts he shared with me, are still in my possession. well, dinner's still a big lump in my gut, so think i'll go rest a while before it's time to get up & go to work. be good, stay sick turn blue, long live rocknroll.

as long as changos play musica...

we will have this show. "rock em and make em love you." - big manny

"nine years of bliss and hell..."

we went to lake arrowhead for levon's wedding, then to victorville-route 66 museum-elmer's bottle ranch. that last one i've wanted to see for 25 years. that last one was beautiful, spooky, & spiritual, & i found myself sobbing like a loon. the first was exclusive, like an alpine resort. i felt like my bargain-shopper butt was sneaking into the ritz. the drive up to arrowhead, a steep, winding, windy climb, reminded me of the chase scene in a bond film; we should've been in an aston martin instead of ruby the sewing machine (my little ride). the mountaintop lake resort reminded me of years ago, being in switzerland w/james's band. in one of many happy moments, james filmed a video; some of these pix are screenshots from it showing my hubby's happy reaction to my half-joking summary of our marriage... tonight he is not here & i miss him, so i post these pix. i had kissed him right before the video, so his lips look a little funny. those lips. and my gray hair, i shoulda dried it because it looks like silver straw. but overall, we still get to be here, so no complaints... yes, we got to celebrate our anniversary early on the heels of young levon's betrothal. the hotels were nice, the company nicer. my dear james. my dear, dear husband. my dear dear dear dear james... this past weekend i worked like a maniac to finish the trailer (henryed the roof, duck-taped the bottom w/silver insulation & green tarp), & last night the demonic winds screamed over the mountain followed by thunderous rainstorm. boom! the trailer had been completed just in time... except the winds wrenched one of the ceiling vents clean off the roof & threw it over the fence into the front yard. fortunately this vent was over the bathtub, so the tub filled with rainwater, then drained, so i will fix it all later... we are doing the chango jam ("because big manny loved christmas") again this year, this time in pico rivera at a hall. james went to place the downpayment, then got stuck in the southland, so the animals & i sit here & wait for his return. i have played the piano all evening, in my current mood, singing & pounding & rolling, & then i wrote three songs. haven't written songs for over a year. it felt cathartic & right & like i was doing something.... so this is where i sit at age more than one-half century... still not pushing up daisies, as do so many loved ones, dear friends, & heroes of mine... so can't complain... btw, check out the gorgeous boogie-woogie prodigy ladyva. she is astonishing, the mozart of the barrelhouse... i don't have a video handy, but just go check her out right now: she is really something special...

blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla

 james just opened the front door & yelled, "hello?" i'm right here, i yelled back. it's a windy morn up here, in fact, they cancelled school for the fourth time this year. i assume these cancelled days are being taken from our snow day bank, but maybe we will have to work longer this yr as a result.

would like to think that pg&e deeply cares for everyone's safety, thus spurring the public safety power outage. but i think they merely worry about litigation since burning down the town of paradise due to inadequate power line maintenance. our school's in a wind tunnel at the mouth of grapevine canyon, so the other schools in our district, not being suchly located, are open today.

so maddy started subbing. she arrived late last night & this morning i made oatmeal for her & her mommy, my dear little sis, then they headed out. angie stayed the night after teaching kungfooey nearby. she is at a mountain religious conference today. it was great to have them both here. we laughed our butts off this morn, remembering family this & that, but james slept peacefully.

now he is up & singing as cereal clinks into his bowl. today we go to the wedding of a young man i've known since his birth. he is marrying a big bossy woman, maybe a bit like his strong mom. i recall him with blond curls, a friendly little guy with his dad's amiability. when he was three, i found him a mohair mariachi jacket at a thrift store & his family pix snapped him that way, posed like a matador, tom thumb, it's a top-100 lifetime pic, for sure. :)

we're going to have the manny christmas show this yr. james got the venue & jaime sainz has taken the organizing reins. it's going to be swell. :) jaime even liked my dream, where james, him, & i played in a band called the rockin' caballeros. he said the RCs should make a record. ha! i didn't tell him the dream's rhythm section: max bangwell and scott lambert, both r.i.p.

yes, all seems to be well these days, tho windy, & soon we're headed for the wedding to lake arrowhead, where i can see my old friend donna (the old part's true of us both now!), after that to the desert to see (i hope, i hope) elmer's bottle village & the rt 66 museum. pet children will be well-cared-for here, & maddy's coming back mon to sub for me, since i had plans ready for today & someone should use them. i'm hoping if she has great subbing experiences, i can lure her into teaching...

here are some shots from the festival, which went great, we had such a happy time tho i had an anaphylaxis episode & nearly died... we played with geno matteo one day, as you can see, a rough set but still fun fun fun. i love my job but these gigs make me want to "run away with the rocknroll circus" again, as angie put it one time, so maybe i can retire pretty soon. the other pix are from the fantastic little art museum in lancaster. we went there the other day when school was wind-closed & had a wonderul time. the museum never fails to have terrific exhibits, & if you're every in lancaster ca on "the BLVD," you should go: lancaster museum of art & history

ghost town in bodfish, ca, heading back from fest

james & antknee waiting to go on

steven & blake; we really did have fun shooting sh*t

last green rm trailer i remember was w/candye kane (r.i.p.)

james & me

me, tony lopez, blake, james, geno matteo

setting up to play

museum of art & history

our fav artist of the exhibit, cinta vidal (hopper meets escher)

yep!

 well, can tell school started back up bc just looked at this site & noticed i haven't posted or even thought of posting in over a month. but this is tomorrow. please come, if you at all can.

james made this flyer.

next weekend, we play the kernville blues festival. that should be interesting.

the past months have been a blur of trailer searching & house improvement. first the bathroom renovation. i even knocked out walls. got to use all kinds of materials i've been saving for years, in some cases, most luckily a lot of neat tile from other states, antique stores, even the vacant lot outside the desert hots springs spa hotel. the tiles look wonderful. it's a joy now to take a shower. my hands did it! i am fortunate.

lately has been the new trailer renovation. spent months after selling the lil loafer completely obsessed w finding a larger trailer. james said he was an internet widower. i finally saw a msg about one in santa barbara so jumped in the car on a sat morn & by sun afternoon, it was here, a broken-down mess with good bones, a screaming deal. i had to jump, & i did. the friendly seller, 20+ yrs in the demo business, sent one of his employees to deliver it. as soon as the behemoth was here, i dove into fixing it up. let's say it's 58% there right now. 

james even has helped some, tho he's not neurotically fixated on making stuff out of junk like i am. he's outside the basement right now, singing happily & framing new windows. i hope the family will come stay now that there's "an extra house." if not, it should flip for quite a profit. i have never made a profit selling stuff, so this all is new. quite a surprise.

we'll see what happens. i mean, it'd be better if family would stay since we now have so much more room. i'll post pix soon of its scary original looks versus what we've done. incredible the change, just so far. a new coat of paint sure did it wonders.

a problem is, my hands have been ruined in past months by constant painting, hammering, prying, lifting, pounding, carrying, wrenching, twisting... i play the keyboard at school every day, little patriotic songs the kids sing, but i haven't really played in a spell, so last night i sat down to loosen up at the piano in prep for the gig & ohhhhhh my, what pain. i need to be more careful so i don't end up too arthritic to play. 

 two nights ago my friend bill messaged & that's how i found out my buffalo gusgus had passed away. i was quite heartbroken, but when my ex-husband sent a pic of old man gus w/his two new little dog bros, i felt much better. gus obviously had been treated so well, & it was his time to go. later my sis sent me this pic,  which brian had posted in the photo montage homage to gussy. i think this was one of the last times i saw him, so that would've been 2012 or so...

dogs are proof of god, & they break our hearts... but i wouldn't want life without them in it.

obsession, experiments, & fortuity

 dad says i inherited serial obsession from him. we become tunnel-fixated on a something for a while... then drop it like a hot stone. he was obsessed with my tiny trailer, bought stairs, bought a portable toilet... then said your mother and i have decided we won't stay in the trailer. i sold the tiny trailer for a good price. now am obsessed with the following to fill the space where was tiny trailer: vintage travel trailer, vintage mobile home, vintage motorhome, shipping container house, camper, rv, train caboose, sea train house, tiny home, tiny house, agghrghrghghhh!!!! my fingers can hardly move -- i hope it's from overdoing it in the yard & at school, not from too much feverish online searching for trailervintagemobilehomemotorhomecampercaboose.... argghhhh!!!

i was cleaning up the property one last time before school starts & happily spotted, near the antique wagon james brought home, bees & butterflies & other little flitting creatures cavorting & sipping at the volunteer mini-meadow that has popped up in that yard area. oh my gosh! we haven't lifted a finger to plant anything (it dies or the animals eat it, i'm not consistent enough with gardening). what a wonderful surprise that was! so i photoed all the volunteers in the yard, but only have been able to identify one, mountain aster. yay! and dad said, via duo video call, that he thinks in the backyard is a gigantic chokecherry. oh, that would be stupendous! yesterday at the thrift store w/cousin mary fafa, who visited from the valley, i got some cheap books, one entitled flowers of the southwest mountains... the chokecherry was worshipped by navaho peoples. you can make medicines from it. you can make jams & jellies with it!

i hope that gigantic bush indeed is a chokecherry...

btw, did you know that spinach, banana, & grapes make a delicious shake? throw in leftover cold tea or milk for different flavor notes... lately when fruits & veggies start to perish, i throw them in a bag in the freezer. everything goes in: carrots, cucumber, dad's maraglia grapes. then they all go in the ninja blender. some experiments have had to go right into the arroyo (nasty!), but others? so delicious! so happy not to waste food.

 well, james, on the way back from a southland gig, again went to the swap meet w/o me down in the city, but that's ok. when it gets down to it, i don't want to be broiling in the smoggy sun of the city. everything a person needs is right here in this house full of mountain breezes & soft sounds & cool floor & sleeping pets.  just don't need one more thing. but do i want more? heck, yes. it's an illness. i blame society, to quote repo man.

mary frances, my youngest cousin, is a kind & saintly
sprite of a professional woman whose progressive heart leans
toward pope francis & john waters (the pope of trash, you know).

the adorable girls, callie, bebe, maryfafa

as i left bakersfield, dad walked to get the mail dressed
as karl kolchak of the old night stalker tv show. but i
think it just was an accident of wardrobe. (sometimes he
rides a tiny bicycle to accomplish this task.)

the black dog, the crippling fog, the suffocating thing in the log

 is here.

money money money money money

 i have some, so i am lucky. why such disparity in this human world? can't look at that, no. and no, i'm not rich in money, not compared to some of james's friends or people i've known or certainly not compared to the wealthy of the world... but wealthy in other ways, yes yes yes, i get to be. ("that man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.")

today i got some real scratch (for me) bc today, finally sold the little trailer! yaaay! the guy who bought it, "cesar millan not the dog whisperer," was sweet, a character, a businessman, sincere-seeming... accompanied by a snowy-headed mexican pastor of noble visage named edgar perez.  before they pulled away, edgar asked if we all could pray, so we bowed our heads & he did so, & they drove off leaving me with a huge (for me) wad of bills & eyes filled with tears.

lately has brought many financial opportunities where i get to be a good person. i couldn't be luckier lately, really. it was a funny idea, to send a champagne cake to texas, so we enjoyed the challenge of preparing & mailing one to cousin tushi for her bd (it is her absolute favorite cake), then got to listen by phone as she opened it, gasped, & yelled "holy sh*t!!" - such a funny & wonderful moment! lllllllllllllllll 

the cat just jumped on the keyboard! i will leave it.

angie & i drove out to ventura for cousin loree's 50th bd & had a huge meal at limon & sal, a gorgeous restaurant housed in a grand old downtown ventura corner bank, owned by loree's gentlemanly, high-rolling  friend carlos. afterward,  thrift shopping w/angie & loree, many nice gifts. last night, a reservation for cousin bebe & her wife callie at the hollywood historic hotel, a grand place where james & i have stayed. they'll be visiting from texas so that young bebe can "show callie cali."

there's all this incubated niceness... then awareness of the inequality of the human world comes swelling up and swallows it all.

 i don't want to write any more, so i'll just post some pix.

i sold it for "obo"! whee!

our beautiful little town. today was fiesta days,  
a street fair this yr due to covid...

very fond memories here for so many. :) omg, pistachio
used to be pistachio cashew!!! where's the time machine?!?

on asses & avalon

 we went to the avalon side of catalina, the family plus a relative by blood. mama included this person out of loyalty to her own mother, our dear grandma, may she rest in peace. this person, who did 14 years for disgusting predations, recently had been uninvited from a few other family trips... mama felt bad. she invited him. i was shocked but had to realize mama is most  important, so i shut up about it. except here.

mama is eternally loyal & dutiful to family -- she & dad are the loving, forgiving, reliable  backbone of our family, as james's sister is theirs. mama is far better a person than i ever will be. i try to forgive this individual, but it is tough because i remember what he did & now he carries on like nothing happened, plus he "humble brags" incessantly about himself & his supposed accomplishments (he doesn't mention his crimes, obviously, but talks about prison as if he had been away on holiday or at university all that time).  don't know if he was oblivious or trying to provoke us, but i felt myself wanting to punch him. yeah, our lovely, kind, do-gooding family was there, plus this annoying ass who would not shut up about how wonderful he is -- when someone who did what he did in all decency should keep his trap shut for the rest of his days.

as we boarded the ship to go back home, he continued to impart vast knowledge, this time about avalon fish, and it almost was the last straw for him when james between gritted teeth finally suggested that a certain know-it-all might get his ass tossed in the ocean if he didn't shut up; dad calmly stepped between, the retired jr high teacher in him instinctively doing so.

anyways, on the trip i got to have some, though not enough, moments with my parents; with sister, niece, & bro-in-law; & with james. the shangri-la of avalon is memorably gorgeous, a picturesque cove of turquoise ocean beneath wide blue sky, its beautiful signature tiles visible everywhere. the shops are nothing interesting to me, nor is sun-baking, nor is drinking, but still we had some fun experiences. james, my niece & i went kayaking away from the madding crowd in deep, vast, luscious waters; maddy & i shared a kayak, & my niece up front was so confident, my fears were allayed. james rented a single & would come blasting by us, circling us, making sure we were safe, arms popping with muscle, singing shanties, grinning like a monty python nut. 

another cool experience was jogging up to the catalina chimes, then around the back side of avalon up & down sweeping hills, viewing great expanses of grass-filled peoplelessness winding into areas of pretty houses, returning finally to the village. when sis, niece, mom, dad & i went on a city bus tour next day, it turns out i had done the first half of the bus tour backward, so i was happy to tell mom & dad & see their pride that i had tackled such steep terrain. that run definitely is stored away in my memory files; at this moment i still have images & feel the peaceful excitement of coming around that next curve & discovering a new site & experience.

anyways, here are some pictures. as for the overall trip, i am grateful to have gone, but as for the company, to quote uncle henry (r.i.p.), sometimes peanuts, sometimes shells.

james took this one for his sister, who loves succulents 

my friend dan m sells giant versions of this tiny wall garden

no makeup on either of us

first part of the hill - approaching the catalina chimes

dad, mama, & maddy walking the flats

statue of leroy the cat, the town feline owned by all & no one

 

small statue outside where we bought each other rings; it reminded us of penny, our sweet dog girl

heading around the curve on my wonderful jog adventure

maddy confidently led the rowing team

the waves were large in spots, & the water sparkled

maddy & my feet; below, strong & silly man

above, brave titanic musicians; here, view from jog

walking back from the art deco casino

the route i jogged