our very lives

 i get so mad sometimes at meetings when ppl spout opinions about sobriety. i'm kind of a big book thumper, maybe, tho not a zealot like some i've known, who get into rewriting the big book while entering ridiculous pronoun wars, not to help others, but to be high & mighty. poisonous. sometimes the human element of this wonderful, life-saving program is poisonous! most go into the drunk club pretty sick puppies... too many stay that way, & really, they need to shut their damned mouths! they will kill newcomers with their bullsh**, i think. :(

our very lives as ex problem drinkers depend on our constant thought of others. that's from the big book. yes people can get sober other ways like church, counselors, self-help, etc, but none of that worked for me. and psycho-babble, recovery talk, the bible, really none of it has valid place in the drunk meetings i attend, and new people don't know that unless i can model what is appropriate. even then, some never know what's appropriate due to outside issues, like someone i sponsored last year, but there was no sponsoring her bc her problem wasn't alcohol dependency. many people who come to meetings aren't alcoholic, especially if they've been court-ordered. and there's another issue.

today clancy, the guru of the pacific group (a hugely popular west LA drunk group that decrees women must wear dresses, men ties... whatever) passed away. he lived into his 90s, died sober, helped thousands, established the midnight mission, did so much good, tho surrounded by much controversy since "his" pacific group is considered a cult by many. (we aren't supposed to have leaders.) i watched a video today of clancy playing piano beautifully, an old show tune. he was a wonderful speaker. rest in peace.

i'm sponsoring someone now whom i'm worried about since this is a live or die thing not to be taken lightly, g**damn these people in groups & meetings spouting their stupid opinions!!!! we are the only big book a newcomer might ever see. stick to the book, people, or go someplace else! you will kill people who don't know better & think the drunk club is about "relapse prevention" and codependency & all those other concepts that certainly are valid,... tho not in the drunk club!!!

lastly, some of these sober geniuses were talking about how meetings AREN'T part of our program, but there's this, straight from the book: pp 159-160: "...a meeting [was] to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime objective was to provide a time and place where new people could bring their problems."

the problem is, of course, too many people don't put heart & soul into working the steps, so they stay in that newcomer place, lives filled with problems.
problems are part of every life (into each, some rain must fall), but the 12 steps outlined in the big book offer a way to live "life on life's terms" without having to fall back into the certain death -- spiritual or physical --- of active alcoholism.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!

i finished my modules for canvas! next week we'll do a sentence building unit in ELA as we await start of textbook (the khan academy video compares using verb tenses to being a "word wizard" 😅), build a dream home (perimeter and area) in math-uh-matics, and study gravitational force in science, with history on hold for now. which i'm grateful for. whew. i mean, with the world as it is now, all the wokeness, all the strife, all the venal evil crap going on, i DON'T want to teach traditional american history!!!! my friend tjarko said all countries are formed in conquest, james says all countries have history of genocide & injustice... (what about iceland, though?)... just don't wanna deal with it right now.

and we had so much pizza this weekend due to many visitors this weekend: stepson cody! ben and nick! i got to record a little boy voice part for nick's animation sci-fi short today. that was fun. then the rest of the day has been canvas oblivion, learning to build these lessons for virtual learning, socially-distanced school. didn't even take a walk today... no exercise at all, except mentally, learning canvas, moving pages, adding pages, retitling, adding graphics, writing, adding videos, taking stuff out, over and over and over and over! but now i'm done! and it's

time for bed & to read a bit before sleep. and my arm is healing! i can lift it more & more, bend it more & more! thank you, physical therapy! thank you, time, & old body still able to regenerate!

lastly, here is a picture of my james, who seems to be great at catching & killing deadly snakes! and another pic of me on my birthday bc i got so many compliments from it on fb. my dad til he was close to 60 looked  young... that may be my sittyation at least for right now. & now dad's near-80, but tho too-thin, in my opinion, he gets around quite well. i need to be grateful for this old flesh machine still able to move & breathe & not hurt too much.

yaaaaaaaaaaay!!

1. found out yesterday i don't need shoulder surgery

2.  got cortisone shot

3. shoulder now not hurting as badly

4. went last wk to az w/james & now visiting bakersfield seems not so hot

5. we had a great time & ate good food & saw much beautiful landscape while social distancing

6. i hiked & jogged w/penny in flagstaff & sedona. awesome sights.

7. just now finally got into canvas & so now i can start prepping to distance-teach!

8. wrote my canvas profile, read it to james, & he said it sounded cheerful.

9. uploaded to canvas profile accompanying pic he took of me on my 53rd bd in flagstaff hotel rm. he'd just given me a bd gift of little art print (quail under moonlight), cake, roses, sushi, sweet card, & more.

10. we are grateful, lucky, happy, w/good lives In Spite of It All. must never forget to be grateful.