love to draw. so pleasing i still somewhat can.

drew these last night, quickly!, using a free online font generator. the table i bought in sta clarita @ the junk store to hold my keyboard had a piece of tagboard in the drawer, & in my pocket was a school expo marker. so i got the wild hair & drew these. such coincidences please my soul deeply!... i remembered that james liked a certain font @ one time i'd found for the stompers. it was easy to recall, being called "third man," like one of my very favorite movies on earth, but memory sez it's the font from the opening of "touch of evil." either way, it's very wellesian, but also blasterish, so that makes this font nearly-ultimate cool in my book... the other is a hodgepodge of fonts, & i like it ok... today we had another snow day, but also couldn't have school anyways bc the water board turned off the h20 in the lower pt of town, where the school is, to make well repairs... now it finally is sunny and beautiful; earlier was icy, icy snow... been reading & hemming & hawing & playing the piano all day with headphones, waiting for james to awaken so i can practice my one man band. my set-up is so cool; i am so pleased with how the pieces have come together so i can play keys, sing, & kick a drum, too. i hope to run it all through my amp so that i can be totally independent. it just feels better that way, especially with the strangeness of what i really want to do. that lonely rockin strangeness is what i still crave, even as i get old, closer to the grave... pumping away at the instruments & voice for 30 mins is like going for a run or jumping around in an exercise class. just love it!!!... gee, sure hope he wakes up soon... on another note, am looking & looking for a particular edition of a children's religious book. think i got it as a gift when i had my first communion 50 yrs ago (preceding a life of hostile irreligiosity turned -- only after sobriety -- to agnostic pantheism)...yes, the little book made my weird little kid soul feel soothed, how good jesus was, the pretty illustrations. it was a particular edition w/ a yellow cover, a hardback, likely from the catholic shop then on h street in bakersfield, but when i turned teen, i cast the lovely book in the trash, snarling (at least in my memory), yet with a pang of regret that still sticks in my craw. like, i knew even then i shouldn'ta dumped that little book, "jesus of nazareth" by mother mary loyola. if you read this & might have a link, thank you for sharing it... it's all an ongoing quest for connection w/the ineffable: the music, the weather, the little book, the relationships, the life-death pull. it's all one pancake.

well, that is it for now.

music

am going to start my one-man band again & open for james next saturday... i am so happy. i feel like myself again! in a musical sense, that is... i will play all the weird songs that i can pull off vocally and pianistically... and maybe with my feet drumming along. we'll see how unrusty i can get in one week... here is the flyer. please share it!

best. book. ever. and r.i.p., gene, betsy, & their canine friend

i ordered it from penguin for $20, including s/h. the real book, the tangible tome, i think you'd agree, is much preferable to the online read. including this one.

below is the best article i've read of the sadness of the last days of this actor, with whom i was in abject infatuation from ages 12-15. (before that was humphrey bogart.)

hackman's character of popeye doyle is a bit like james, at least james's hale, fearsome, tough-talking, irish, rogue-cop parts. of course, as with all people, there's so much more... keep your attention tight on your loved ones, is the message i get. cleave close to your fellows, for "no [wo]man is an island." here is the article: A Lonely End for Two-Too-Private People

blablablablablablablablabla

in another life, i wrote a thesis on the topic of "learning with soul." the idea was if ppl connect authentically to an experience, they must learn & grow. it's evolutionary... tho it's sunday & there's no need to wake early, the animules don't know this & got me up @ 6 am w tinkling collars & expectant pants signifying their need to go potty. my husband is giving penny her eye drops right now, sweetly singing to her that he loves her. she's healing slowly, having injured her tiny paw, which carries a quite portly frame... so this morn i finally made corn bread cake w minced jalapenos, splash of vinegar hot sauce, topped w maple syrup, but not enough binder since i'm still learning to cook, then add the wrinkle of cooking w/o animal products... if you didn't know it, you can replace egg w apple sauce or a "chia egg," which is a T of chia seed mixed in warm water. anyways, tho it crumbled, the cake was great, so tasty w coffee... james woke @ a decent hr & we talked about the male version of the human just wanting to be on stage (endlessly soloing harmonica player) & the female version (woman singing janis joplin or "black velvet"). i recall the time i sang on the crystal palace stage, buck owens' place in bakersfield, & young blonde tarts keened from stage side, "IIII wanna sing, let MEEEE up there!" and @ the time, i thot, they wouldn't say that if i looked more like a movie star, more like somebody, but i think now ppl who go to shows, events, they want to be in the limelight, too.... we just decided i won't play @ his bd show march 16. last yr i had to cover the show bc he was ill, & ppl didn't like that. my forte, too, is NOT shuffles, tho i can do them. i've not much seen my place in james's testosterone-heavy band, not to say i don't love what he does... i am still hopeful the stompers will rise again... that conversation led to his reminiscence of kris kristofferson, when he went to some fest w phil alvin & x, w whom he was friends for a long while, & how kind & bright kristofferson was, & how ppl who sing janis joplin usually cause the walls to vibrate, but janis herself was beautiful bc, again, she was authentic. real. she suffered & lived & it shined thru her music & soul... here are pix of fun last wkend. we drove to hollywood to have delicious plant power, which i wish was on every offramp instead of the other poison pushers, then we walked around hollywood & looked @ the sea of humanity there, a samurai exhibit, the walk of fame, the hollywood costume shop, & the famous hands & feet @ grauman's chinese theatre... the candles are from the mexican supermarket on the way home, so bright, mysterious, & some sinister-seeming... it was a great wkend, & this one's been trying but we're still trudging. ok, i think that's it for now.

oops, i uploaded the wrong pic. the one here is the place of mama's & my dreams, south union, south bakersfield, our trees, our beautiful old farm road, our beautiful eucalyptus looming like grandmothers, protecting, enveloping, they used to usher me home when i was young & drunk, & young mama drove under them w her loud large family en route to redondo beach from delano to visit aunty iney, a trip that used to take 8 hrs in the 40s & 50s... ok, that is really it now.

it's peanut butter time, peanut butter, butter ti-i-i-ime

(sing to tune of "finger poppin' time.") i sang that & james told me, "i saw him do that live." of course, it couldn't just be that he saw hank ballard. he saw hank ballard backed by the blasters... which i only have a bootleg cd of. just by being alive, james always one-ups me, & he's never trying, he's just recounting his life. he's lived more than i have. i wouldn't still live if i'd lived his life... i'm stuffed right now on seasoned black beans & tortilla & rice & onion. it's kind of cold here. we're sposed to have another storm this wk, so we've spent all day working on the house & getting this property ready inside & out. i did every chore except the one i've been wanting to do for months: build a ramp to the little house (antoine pearl junior). might be a little skirrd of hurting myself. anyways, today's been fine even w/o ramp-building. the old man dog is clacking his toenails around the dining room as i type. james took our girl penny to the store. i really have nothing to talk about. did go to an inspiring mtg the other day, with ppl who are into positive action & have hope. that's important nowadays. it sure helped our mama, who's been devastated since november. ;

later that day, me & my big baboo went to a super-fun antique mall in downtown bakersfield, my old home of 25 yrs. so weird to go there now. all those people & cars & noise & stores & convenience. everything seems so much easier in suburbia-city. but also louder, unsafer, more startling, more chokey-aired. back to wagon wheel antique mall, we were having a great time in the funhouse-like place with peeks of the tunnels of downtown, & then james of course says he's been in the bakersfield tunnels, tho me & dad've been trying to get in them for decades, & moreover he knows all the tunnels of long beach... like i said, he's just done so much more than me. ok, i need to finish chores before shower & collapse. here are some pix.

terrible, rotten, unethical, monstrous pendejo

Coronation Fact Check, Live Update
response: Bernie Sanders Goes Scorched Earth on President Bone Spur's Inaugural Speech

the valley of the smokes, a glass jaw, the cinque terre

LA is on fire!! the santa anas are not just speaking, but roaring. james sez the LA basin is water on one side, mountains on the other, & the people of old called the area the valley of the smokes! i know the biggest one of all is on the west side. lots of wealth, LOTS. hope every one of the people affected by these fires has insurance that pays, & that the rest of us are able to absorb the blow when it affects our own premiums. bc you know it's gonna be rich to replace those mansions, restaurants, yachts, six-figure rides, & etc.

my cousins all are brilliant, but one in particular also got up to the 3rd rung working for elon musk, & he lives in the fires. he took his wife & child to safety. "we're not worried," he told his dad, my brilliant, kind uncle. "we're in a hotel." he could buy the hotel, james quipped.

i hope most people burned out of their lives have similar resources. but i think that's not the case.

have heard some of the blazes could be arson. humans are always the problem. always.

been having these bad pains, earaches & stabs in the skull & jaw, missed work, & being a hypochondriac, went wild on webmd & convinced myself i was a step from the grave. visited the young medico up here & he said it was tmj. it can happen when you talk a lot, he explained. i'm a teacher & a performer & i do a lot of singing, i said, & he said, that's it. i got a shot in the keester & meds & was on my way.

looked at my paperwork. he had diagnosed me as having a dislocated jaw.

turns out you can get one if you do the above, but also 3) eat crunchy or difficult-to-gnaw foods; or 4) yawn or sneeze with too-wide-a-mouth.

so beware..... of the snapping glass jaw!!

feeling much better now, stopped the meds, been doing these jaw exercises, & we happily spent the day working on our abode. it's january, but we've had the house open all day. the weather's that balmy. somehow that seems it could be related to the fires, but i dunno. climate seems wackier than when i was a kid, but maybe it's just that now i pay attention to it.

this picture is us at a stop on our vacation trip to palm springs. we ended up at the spaghetteria (bc it was next to a junk store), run by the rossis of florence. the waitress seemed brusque, so i went to the can with an attitude, spying walls lined with pix of movie stars & gangsters. on the way back to our table, an old woman who looked so familiar grinned at me from the kitchen with friendly snaggly teeth & sparkly downturned eyes. i used to see such faces when dad's italian family would assemble. i felt comforted, warm, even. the food came & the plain pasta was so much better than i could've dreamed, & james said his pizza was the best he'd ever had. as we left, a video show that had been going displayed the cinque terre, which is where grandpa gia came from. look look! i exclaimed. the gias are from there! la spezia. i was there lifetimes ago, but all i remember is seeing the pope on tv on sunday morning.

"wow, it's so beautiful," james said. "i wanna go there. let's go there."

i felt so happy bc now, with the changes james's made in his life & consequently ours, we might be able to do that. we'll just see.