labor day weekend...

check out these flyers for two great shows! james also will play a 3rd, sat night @ taft's oasis (i'm crossing fingers roscoe'll offer again to give me dough to stay & play piano after hrs!!). then there's a special barndance-tribute to hank williams. can my constitution handle seeing both james & phil alvin in one weekend? this calls for an "OMG," i believe!! click here to read electric earl's ad for this 4th, sure-to-be-fun show: tribute to hank williams

"two pees [sic] in a pod," wrote my cousin... & "unto such a torment the... malefactors were condemned, who reason subjugate to appetite."

what a nice tx trip i had, w/its sultry heat, fecund country roads, flat flat land, fried feasts, scrapping & funny & kind & ribald family interactions, endless air-conditioned drives, & farmland filled w/animals, most lovely for me the jerusalem donkeys jazzy & rosie & the old dog max. yes, we've so much family love out there in tx. i left for the kids a pair of my platform shoes so they can play runway model. in this pic, thomas had given me a tattoo. after that, he, bebe  & i had a wii dance contest (i lost). then my friend, the amazing fireball whiteboy james, invited us to open for his band this wkend. but bass player scotty says he'll be out out of town. then "love" again was agony, agony, agony. the rollercoaster soars, then plunges plunges plunges. i've gone as low as the 5th circle but usually when in h*ll am stuck in the 2nd, blowing around in its violent storm w/no hope of rest or ballast & no virgil to lead the way out... am so grateful to have my folks, for w/o them, i'd never remember the love, the wonderful moments, this precious, fleeting life... all bets would be off.

my heartaches and troubles are just up and gone, the moment you come into view, with your hand in mine, dear, i could dance on & on

and waltz across texas with you... bye, all yall...
Be crumbled.
So wild flowers will come up
Where you are.
You have been stony for too many years.
Try something different. Surrender.
Rumi ♥

i'm a triflin woman, i trifle all the time...

that's how becky adapted the lyrics to an old hillbilly song... always thought she was singing "traveling woman," so'd sing along like that, off mike... to be a trifling woman, not caring, what freedom, maybe!- tho realistically, to be a traveling woman would be the better, soul-wise... i like playing that song best in her band, along w/"knock knock rattle" & a few more. on some songs, i'm just not sure what kind of parts to play (she already has 3 guitars in the line-up!), so i hope to figure out more interesting fills & leads as i go... it's easy enough to hack along w/the music; to add TO it, tho, is the real magic!
so here is a link to a little tv show cattie ness & the revenge did a few wks ago in LA. the experience that day was a real music-rescue for me... music can overcome any sadness, again; life w/o music would be no life, to paraphrase vonnegut... can't help commenting on the film's low lighting, which brings out everyone's ancestors, like adam's romanesque-arabic face, fabi's aztec queenage, my craggy mayan profile (not attractive, i don't think, but interesting, like one time a guy told me i had "something ancient going on" in my face...) it's a nice bunch of friends i get to play w/these days, between dusk devils & cattie ness; i certainly feel grateful for all! cattie ness & the revenge on flashrock tv
- yesterday was eddie's alano club benefit, sparsely but generously attended -- that is, few folks, but the ones there donated lots of dough! brian p & rick were both sick but managed to hold up, scotty was spiffied up &, back to long-distance running, bouncing on the balls of his feet in high health, & i was down, down, down cause of kitty's death... but the kind & appreciative audience brightened everyone up & we had a fun little set! i've never seen brian p smile so much, for instance... it sure felt nice to look over & there was bsp, grinning sort of gently. (maybe he had a fever, come to think of it!) but no, the warm-heartedness of the drunk club's members, i think, is just contagious that way. :)
- then a woman named deedrus [sp] got up on the little stage & absolutely blew the roof off singing koko taylor's "ernestine" -- good heavens, she rocked the joint! it was huge fun trying out some memphis slim-manquee right hand noodlings on that one. i never play 12 bar blues like that, so what fun!!
- sturdy dan, my dear friend, walked in & it brightened me up, just seeing him; sister angie was there, too, w/her earnest & kindly (boy?)friend doug, & to see her smiling & laughing & so filled w/life also helped add to the memory... back at mom's & dad's (they just returned from santa fe), we visited & cried & told stories, then fell into hard sleep. when i woke this morning, sister had gone to church, mama was cooking bacon & tortillas, & i've stalled long enough -- time to see about getting my truck running, which our dependable dad should be able to make happen.
- kind wishes to all who read for a restful & blessed, or wild & happy, or somewhere in-between kind of sunday...

R.I.P.

my beautiful little kitty... at 4am, i woke to the sounds of her being killed by a coyote & ran outside just in time to see the whole thing. she was fighting hard, but the coyote, of course, had her overpowered... i hope she didn't suffer long, tho i know & saw that she did. poor little creature. i can't wait til i stop blaming myself & seeing the whole thing over & over in my mind. there are such far worse tragedies in this world routinely, & i knew the risk of having her up here, but still this is a sad occasion, to lose a pet so violently. bless my sister angie for being there to help me when i called her, distraught. :(

"you shoulda got a winnebago instead of a house!"

...sed memphis mike... heck, might be true! anyways, my truck broke down in bakersfield & so i hitched a ride home after the benefit at trout's & hope to hitch a ride back w/sis today or tomorrow (& see her new tattoo, which covers her back, yakuza-style, & she got to celebrate her black belt!) & get the truck back up & running...
- what have you learned today? i learned i don't have to say everything that comes in my head; of some new (to me) music on pandora (new orleans nightcrawlers, woggles, hasil adkins' "the hunch"); that people hiking up or down the hill right opposite me, we all in plain sight of one another, somehow can't see me tho i see them & therefore feel a little indecent, like a voyeur, tho i don't really want them looking in my house @ me, sitting here like a lump; that hummingbirds love this picture window lately & so will fly right up to it, in my face, seemingly, as i type; & that when working on the house, i should never stop for more than 10 mins or rigor mortis sets in & that's all she wrote... oh well. guess the house is clean enough at this pt, so will settle down w/PB&J sandwich to go watch the lovely outdoors for a bit. :)
- penultimately, dusk devils will play around 5-530 at alano club sat (2nd benefit for eddie's eye surgery), open to public, $10 donation, 34th st in bksfld. finally, saw this pic from bsp's friend sharron h from sunday's benefit -- i liked it, so post it here & thank sharron for it. :)

"where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure." (rumi)

ok, the last post was kinda depressing, so above's a nice quote to make chicken out of chickensh*t, which aunt rita says is impossible, but i think she mean's a loser's always gonna be a loser, while the above suggests there's always hope. another great cheerer-upper was a comment from a gal on the dusk devils' facebook pg: "i love this band! they're like the collins kids if they were allowed to stay out all night!" for pete's sake, how wonderful it was to read THAT! :)
today was mostly fun, but what a long, long, long deal... i was a doofus to start it w/a scamper up to the water tower near my home (to get a little exercise); that is one steep, steep climb, & to try to jog it? exhilarating, exhausting, but pure dumbness... then the truck battery was dead... got it jumped by lifesaver neighbor... then it was dead again... jumped again by nice old man in bksfld... quick run-thru at bsp's, couldn't find raffle tickets, found out when arrived at trout's i was the show m.c. (thank goodness brian p had influenced me to dress up a little!), tried to sell raffle tickets & mc & keep head on straight in midst of personal strife (curse at&t cell phones!! curse them!!!) & interacting w/friends ( julie & sarah, all kinds of friendly local musicians who played nimbly & chatted & laughed easily), got thru our set in what felt to me like workman-like fashion, few surprises except when eddie came up & laid in a genre-perfect improv instru on one bad stud... everyone there for eddie... everyone happy for eddie... everyone hopeful for eddie... next benefit will be sat, 3-7 pm at the alano club, donation $10 -- no drinking, just music & fellowship to help eddie get more eye surgery. thanks to all who were there tonight. when in a bag of sh*t, remember - the zipper's on the inside, as stacy used to say. and remember -- rumi.

"corruptio optimi est pessima" & cry, cry, cry

the quote refers to the fall of lucifer, who, you might know, was the most beloved angel. warned 2 yrs ago by the above message given to me in an art-egg by a bright but emotionally damaged person to whom i was drawn, gypsy-moth-like, i ignored wise mind & plowed ahead selfishly. after my disrespectful visit before marie laveau's shrine in NOLA, the curse was on... yes, it sounds melodramatic, superstitious, etc, but must resort to magic, drama, fantasy to make it thru this latest blackness.
this, too, shall pass.
below is the way i almost always am when not wrapped up with "love": happy, joyful, connected, creative, grateful. wish i could erase my memory & stand here, free & new & clean... again, as it did when i went thru the hell of divorce from my kind ex, the poem looms: "the unknown god... is breaking me down to his own oblivion to send me forth on a new morning, a new [wo]man." (d.h. lawrence) ironic - the brilliant person mentioned above gave me the quote, to reassure me.

thank the good, good universe for the love & gift of music, which has the charms to soothe the "bestiam feram," the beast within that wants a soul dead. now i'm thinking of that throw rag song "the beast in me"... may you avoid the beast today & all days & be wiser than am i in matters of le cœur... theme for tonight: the stooges' "your pretty face is going to h*ll"...

bah! bloop! whee! click! aah. dig? dig. &dig. &dig. :)

(lazy writing alert:) it's warm & beautiful & breezy outside & wish for you a happy, healthy day... am taking a break from working on my shrine outside (removing weeds, laying down mesh, then rock garden) cause like i said, it's warm! sure is good to be outside & get some vitamin d w/the birds & the bees & the flowers & the trees... the above event's coming up sun as well as another for same purpose the following sat, aug 20, at the alano club on 34th st (start time i think will be around noon), open to public, jam session for musicians & those who don't drink or, like bsp, won't mind taking a break for the afternoon out of respect for the venue... suggested donation for the alano club also will be $10 so that eddie can get his peepers fixed once & for all.
earlier in the wk was the barndance, a memorable night @ which i got to play w/cattie ness & the revenge, meet amazing pianists jason eoff & dona oxford (skip edwards was there, too!), play a slam-bang mini-set, dance the night away, & see all kinds of people from the smell(swell)ay roots scene like russell scott, james intveldt, etc & best of all art fein, whom i haven't seen in a chimp's age, cracking art up w/my phil alvin impersonation (i didn't know i had one til art -- a seeming cynic who has genuine generosity of spirit when he finds something appealing -- started laughing out loud, which got me going good). then my friend walter brought me a bd cake (i'd already had a spectacular bd w/my dear family) & handed it to ronnie mack himself, who held it while the whole joint sang me happy bd!! my goodness... what a life i got, for which i am so, so grateful.
then got to record a little net tv show last night w/cattie ness & revenge. night before was dusk devils show at packed-out mr t's bowl, a cool venue & yes, old bowling alley, @ which brian p debuted the biggest pomp you'd ever seen & we didn't go on til 1am & devil doll (to me) inexplicably sang pat benatar & the animals (the latter i thought even a bit blasphemous, but what the crap do i know...), but people stayed for us, too, & everyone got to dance w/walter, who generously gave me an angel necklace & then rooted & rutted his face into our pretty cousin's ample bosom as both cackled drunkenly, fun-loving heathens that they were that nite. :) in the mid of all this was trip to coast w/dear dad, sis, aunt to visit grandma & said cousin, who celebrated her big 4-0 in raucously guzzling fashion, then suffered mightily, emptying it all out & whimpering (poor baby), "thank you for taking care of me" while i patted & comforted her & sister wiped her mouth, but i've sure been there, so it felt sort of nurturing & correct & like the cycle of life & important bonding. then we attempted to sleep at cousin's/grandma's w/barky-damn-yappy dogs, so on no rest, i had volcanic meltdown next afternoon on drive to smell(swell)ay & sometimes i wish i had no mouth cause then i wouldn't say the things i sometimes do (nor make ugly faces while singing). anger, self-pity, remorse, babbling, driving, crying -- sh*t, i thought i was over it, but nossir, still a fallible, messy humanoid. oh well: a productive very late-nite powwow came of it, so maybe next time i'll be able to pause before exploding like a ranting, wailing demon... met up w/ CN&R pals & becky did quick miracle makeup on my blubbery face so i looked nice & we performed a rockin little tv show & then fabi left the country w/her family (on vacation, not the lam), johnny & goat went to san pedro for shrimp feast & beers, & the rest of us caravaned to lebec for late-nite supper at denny's (mine, 4 bucks, was pretty swell) & becky rode w/me, her steady, friendly, supportive chatting a delight. (like many folks i know, her life would make one fascinating read.) the studio, www.flashrock.com, had fun acoustics & we were styling, too, cause becky's the boss & tells us what to wear, so i cautiously say it likely not just sounded, but looked good. :) my writing here's lazy, but the few marbles i got today in my bag upstairs are rolling slowly, so this'll have to do for now. :)

duskdevils, karling, devildoll, lacholita sat @ mr t's

see flyer below.. meanwhile, here's some more pix of the barndance from paul oeser III... thanks, paul! :)

ronnie mack's barndance

click on the pic to read the caption. photos are courtesy of rebecca caraveo & walter van buskirk (+ my ipod). it was a real fun time!

upcoming shows & moonlighting dusk devils :)

at monday's show, i'll play a short set w/cattie ness & the revenge... the other should be a hoot w/lots of pretty girls... as for the last shot, rick, brian p, & eddie all met up @ trout's recently & "jammed"... i just like the pic. benefits for eddie's eye surgery will be aug 14 at trout's & aug 20 at the alano club -- flyers to come.

we gotta big blues train coming to your town

pix from rip cat records/whiteboy james and the 44s show at narducci's... a good time was had by all. :) :) :)

new posts... literally :) ....

- ouch! overdid it again today (tho didn't sustain too many bruises & didn't smash my hands) &, exhausted, my thoughts are jello, sweet & shallow & mooshy-swooshy... behold my nascent career in carpentry (not!) -- the bedframe porch railings (thought it looked a little new orleansy) & doorknob fencepost (our dear dad was delighted by the latter & proudly told friends, "that's why i admire my girls so much: they're geniuses!")
- oh! the joys of having a funky house & (many will relate) bargain-hunting eye. it's like going on an easter egg hunt each time the bargain-hunter "shops" -- so much more fun than going in stores where generally overstocked, overpriced & uniform items are RIGHT THERE, no hunting involved at all, not to mention imagination! too, bargain-hunting, being a form of recycling (this was a nice realization por moi), is environmentally kinder. :) ... oh crap; where was i? there's one synapse pinging in my head like a game of pong: bloop!... bloop!... the downside of dressing up my funky house on the cheap (my sister, bless her, crowed, "oh, how i love your watts tower house! everytime i come visit, there's something new to look at!") is i get way too involved in its decoration/repair & work like a demon til i can't move or breathe or think cogently... so here i is, & you is there, & ain't that a peach?
- the internet's dangerous @ these moments of giddy over-fatigue. consumption! i want to find a subaru brat! & tow it back home! a pair of snow boots (this would seem to be the time of yr to buy some)! whiteboy james! he plays all wkend in kern county. wow!
- the stupid part: we aren't opening for him this time bc of our recent guitarist problemo... little do james & co know, tho, how well brian paxton's been filling the bill while eddie has been out of action waiting for his 2nd eye surgery. (btw! two benefits for eddie will take place @ 1. trout's, aug 14, 3-11 pm [thank you, rockwell & lynda!]; & 2. alano club, aug. 20, 3 pm, -- flyers to come!)... yes, we've all been having fun playing together! bsp's learned everything mucho-quickly (he's a smart feller, yknow), pulled some awesome instrumentals out that are genre-spot-on, & even requested a vocal rehearsal so that 5-6 songs now have cool harmonies (not ever sounding "happy days," either, which is my fear)... now if we can figure out how to get rid of his mullet, we'll all be styling at our next shows!
- oh yes, add to this a perfect little pizza cooling on the counter. i'm reading about 80 books (god bless the public library!), the most delightful being life in paris by julia child, whose spirit can only infuse the reader w/joy. so when i just opened the oven to a steam-furnace blast & was able to use my peewee-herman-huge spatula to perfectly remove the perfect, bubbling pizza, it was a julia moment. oh! i wanted to crow in her distinctive voice, oh! how i LOVE to cook! ... however, that would've been a lie, coming from me; i merely loved the moment of pleasure i got to experience, now informed by & desiring julia's indomitable, lovable way. what a fascinating, unique character she was. and oh how i do love characters!
time for pizza... & tomorrow, yard sale up here on the hill, then dusk devils will meet to see the one & only whiteboy james!... sunday, our dear mama will have her birthday. her ex-son-in-law & nephew-in-law will be cooking for her & my ex-husband will be among the well-wishers. mama is so well-loved!
eat well! go to the library! sing a song! hug someone! use your mind! do some pushups! be a little weird! smile! wishing you a beautiful weekend.
bloop... bloop...

she's hackin' & wackin' & smackin... the killer awoke before dawn...

...she licked her paw.
- this gorgeous creature is my houseguest right now. i don't think she'll last here since 1) her owner wants her to settle in a house w/kids; 2) the jury's out on how she'll get along w/my doggy boys; & 3) we have coyotes here. she arrived in shock, as cats do when moved, so i coddled & cooed over her stricken, pretty furriness, hoping she wouldn't croak (she looked like she might). then last night as i was reading, insistent, inflected, burbling, even conversational little mews came from beside the bed. i looked down to see that kitty, looking once again like her old, healthy self, had a mouse. she looked at me w/blankly beautiful eyes, then began batting the tiny glassy-eyed corpse thru the air like a kid w/a volleyball. only felines & humans torture prey -- horrified, i whispered "good kitty" thru my rictus, wanting the animal to know i approved, tho as she set to devouring the mouse, her enthusiastic crunches & slurps sent chills down my spine. it was like that twilight zone episode where the little boy sends everyone to the cornfield: "it's GOOD you ate the mouse, kitty. that's a GOOD thing you did..."
- her stomach full, kitty walked neatly away, leaving a grand guignol scene from a romero flick: all that remained of mousey was jellied spinal cord & rear end, along w/ ghostly hind legs & tail.
- cute little field mice, eaters of amp cords, stealers of pet food, droppers of droppings, squeakers & scratchers in the night, beware: skittles is in town, & your numbers are up.

happy independence day!

here in laverne, ca, which is a kind of mayberry of east LA county, 4th of july is celebrated big time!! it will be great to celebrate the country's (&, on so-much tinier scale, my own) independence w/my dear friend, in the place where 16 yrs ago to the day i was forced to end my drinking "career." today when the air finally, mercifully cooled enough to do so, we rode bikes along long, wide, flat roads to a large camping & boating area heavy w/trees & smelling of barbecue & flowers & wind & roasting marshmellows, even, packed w/happy holiday revelers & families, & then past a huge swimming area in the beautiful sprawling lake, filled w/squealing, splashing figures, then, legs churning, up & down windy mtn roads over a dam & lastly sailing back down into verdant town w/streets lined w/towering pines & immaculate arts & crafts homes & chairs already set up for tomorrow's parade & flags.
yesterday we all celebrated big manny, such a well-loved soul... we showed up @ taste of texas in nearby covina to find the big barbecue joint-dancehall PACKED w/probably 500 people, over the course of the night... here are some pix from the happy, love- & music-filled evening... the highlight for me was seeing faces i haven't for 20 yrs, playing w/manuel (altho we didn't get to do any chuck berry, & i couldn't hear my amp), especially when he reached over & tinkled the keys w/me, in his gentle silly way, as well as dancing the night away w/santa monica walter, a super-fun & funny friend of jackie gleason girth & grace... what a dance partner! he swung & twirled girls around the dance floor all night long, & when it was my turn, i felt like i, too, could dance! walter's that good a lead.
happy independence day to all! may you be a bit more free...

don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do?

in santa monica, i took a quick vid of elviss simmons & the memphis strutters singing "blue suede shoes" into "goody-two shoes" (heretics!!) for art fein (lover of the king of rocknroll, as are all who have heart) & my sister (long-time lover of adam ant) -- it was crazy fun (tho blasphemous, maybe) stuff, "the ultimate party band," quipped memphis mike: a plus-sized, hairy, hammy elvis impersonator w/gene simmons facepaint; a hepcat doghouse bassist; FOUR horn players -- two slender women playing saxes bigger than their own selves, even! -- in fedoras, shades, & gold lame; a hessian-hard rock guitarist; & three femme backup singers in rockabilly pinup-dia de los muertos getup... anyways, the vid won't upload here, so look for the band elsewheres... :) this wkend i found out 1) the beach ain't bad (that could maybe sound weird, but i've had a fear of the mighty, mighty ocean for some time); 2) i could get used to it, mebbe (new idea: the ocean's power is awe-inspiring, not terrifying, perhaps), & it sure is great to be able to be outside at any time, under blue or cloudy skies, w/perfect ocean breezes cooling the body & soul; 3) i LOVE, LOVE BOOGIE-BOARDING, which works the body & feels like flying!!!; 4) what fun it is to be outdoors, meander, adventure, not plan, walk forever, explore; 5) how lucky it is to be in mid-age & still physically mobile, even agile; 6) i must always, w/o fail, take my "happy pills" (actually, pill) cause when i do, life's light, happy, so swell, but w/o it, i'm the titanic, a timebomb, a highway pile-up, pompeii... & so are all around me.
the perfect, crowded, suntanned, privileged, beautiful sta monica beach, & its funky messy colorful 420-heavy venice counterpart, are cool, balmy memories affixed now to my head. places i'm grateful to've settled for the week... now it's time to get ready for bakersfield, & this wkend, for big manny's benefit (read below). he's back to playing the guitar, so things're looking up for the  gentle rockin' giant... & today's news is that guitarman eddie's eyes are on the heal (benefit TBA), so there's much to be thankful for, yes indeed. if you're in bakersfield, or someplace else hot, stay cool, brother... the cool within can cool the without, so use it, don't lose it, & may all be copacetic for you & yours. semper ad meliora, friends. :)

let's help big manny. + "i've been waitin a long long time, just realized it's true, that my heart will always be in love with you."

this eve at practice scotty mentioned this video... what a delight to see it! this was the song where i really felt the music soar... to be in the middle of such a thing is quite a feeling!
al, dear man, threw us a curve ball toward end of song, as in his happy enthusiasm he tends to do, but laraine, his wife, shut the video player off right after that. :) i remember we caught the ball & brought it all home just a moment later... w/no video evidence, you'll just have to believe me. :)
time for bed, for tomorrow the gias bring chorizo & egg breakfast to the scores at SVDP & then i will get to hold peoples' sacred trust again, reading & writing & chatting w/them, as i got to do last wk.
life, o life, where will you take us all next?

upcoming: sat jul 9, noon-4 pm, al hendrix backed by canadian band six gun romeo at ethel's old corral... also, please spread word about the below event, taking place to help my dear friend, gentle man, & monster of powerful, melodious rocknroll american-roots guitar:

i know we'll meet again some sunny day

a friend of mine, i think, is suffering. i hope my friend, whom i no longer see, will be better sooner rather than later. let's both & all remember, if possible, that this, too (& all, & everything), shall pass.

dads, dusk devils, prayers

angie & i are blessed to have the greatest dad, a father we could never have dreamed up. he is gentle, intelligent, humble, hard-working, a life-long servant of society (like mama, like angie), an iconoclast disguised as an astronaut, movie-star handsome in his youth & a head-turner still at age 70, & has ruined us both: we assume all handsome men are as good as gold, that is, good as dad.
they're not... tho i'm coming to realize in general they're not as bad as i've tended to think. if i live to be 100, i'll still not have much figured out, in other words...
today we celebrate our dad, as well as our wonderful, generous, voraciously bright mama, & it's a pleasant, balmy day in bakingfield, somehow not yet blazingly hot, &  this morning i sat in a meeting rm w/warm-hearted, brave drunks, one being my kind & dependable ex, & dusk devils somehow have shows upcoming tho tragedy befell our latest member several wks ago...
next, please send out kind thoughts of good health to eddie, candye, manuel, chet, terri, karen, as well as any whom you know are suffering or just needing support. there are so many! when i consider how things could be instead of how they are... well, again, wow... mustn't take any thing for granted, not anymore.
upcoming shows, dusk devils:
july 8 - big's fullerton w/karling abbeygate & other rockabillies
july 16 - mr t's bowl los angeles w/devil doll & other rockabillies & burlesquies
please surf the net for more details... happy pop's day to all. :)

happy.

you happy? it's very american (specifically, i think, united statesian) to consider "happiness" to be so important. what about love, usefulness, duty, power, freedom, filial piety, or, for pete's sake, dough?
i just feel happy. so here is my up-to-minute gratitude list.
please make yours.
sobriety- peanut brittle ice cream- birds flying, chirping, singing- 88 blacks & whites- reading (most recently, NYers, the week, runner's world, books first families, wicked plants, & off the grid)- restoration to sanity- wind chimes- family- dallas mavericks' win- talking with cousin jerry in tex about it - sweatshirt & flipflops- cold water- most amazingly, chuck berry & big joe turner on the restaurant radio- sunlight- friends - roscoe & gusgus- kind & noble ex- skittles the beautiful cat- fresh trout - good physical & mental health- refreshing breezes- sleeping- hiking home from the bus- quiet & calm- juicy burger- yucca, oaks, sage, & pine- dexter on netflix- visitors- amazing sister getting black belt- dad the cheery workhorse, mama the reading/cooking couch-cat- frazier park transit bus- my lovely home- safety- dusk devils- cattie ness & revenge- prayers for sick & injured friends & loved ones- st vincent de paul's gorgeous new facility & strong, good-hearted volunteers- nice bakersfield weather- crisp, clean frazier park weather- riding the 2-speed foldable peugeot all over bakersfield- kind, flirty emails from my piano teacher gene - my truck, ugly as sin, that runs like a clock- moolah in the bank- ability to have choices- contemplating road trips

wave at the bus, son!

this is the best ever. dad waves daily to teenage son
to get the full effect, scroll down & look at each & every picture of Dad: wave to the bus

"and my heart soars"

this is how i feel today.
no foolin. it's foreign, therefore slightly scary, tho calmly so... the top or at least heretofore most active layer of my mind, where the craziness, mania, jumpiness, hahaha, go go go, cry cry cry, fight fight fight, & – i fear – creativity resides, is gone for now. i am placid as a lake, a soft-boiled egg, a sleeping cat, my soft soft bed, the billowing, ever-drifting, sighing sea of clouds that fill the sky before me as i type at this amazing picture window, this green, expansive setting of trees & mountains & birds & nature & respite &, 5 miles away tho visible by way of a happy combination of elevation & view, trucks & cars traveling & twinkling along i-5... detached, not worrying, breathing deeply... is this serenity? how long will it last? for now, it's here – may you have it, too. a poem:
“the beauty of the trees, the softness of the air, the fragrance of the grass speaks to me.
"the summit of the mountain, the thunder of the sky, the rhythm of the sea, speaks to me.
"the faintness of the stars, the freshness of the morning, the dewdrop on the flower, speaks to me.
"the strength of the fire, the taste of salmon, the trail of the sun, and the life that never goes away, they speak to me
"and my heart soars.” (chief dan george)
if you were happy to read that, i highly recommend this: earth prayers from around the world ps - just realized this sense of peace might be due to having weed-eated (weed-ate?) the yard for 2 1/2 hrs (i have a big yard)... might just be too pooped right now to be a squirrel.
whatever the cause, i'll take it! :) feliz dia, queridos! :)

Feelin' Good - Nina Simone

"hello" to jp + bang bang: great song, bad idea

hello.
thank you for continued interest in life. and i suppose me.
it's good to maintain a constant interest in life - one's own, others', the life process. good but elusive.
i bashed my noggin pretty badly yesterday, so we'll see where this writing goes -- here're some pix from this past wkend. cattie ness & the revenge: nice, fun-loving full of life, generous, laid-back comrades. becky, strong & beautiful, has created for herself a full artist's life which she kindly shares w/people like me. as you can see, the band pic came out well -- atractive folks, photogenic. however, from now on, i will groom myself for shows, & for life, for that matter, since when i don't, i feel like i'm in drag, an impostor, a midget. becky'd asked the band for an elegant look -- you can see that she (& fabi) are gorgeously coiffed -- mentioning "audrey hepburn." sighing w/doom, i realized i can't even see "audrey hepburn" from here... but "lon chaney"? yes, that look's possible, as you can see from hotel photo of my texting marathon w/fellow monster... ah! society breeding discontent & desperation (damned freud!)... ah! unstructured life condemning soul to sloth & madness (i pray temporarily)... this reminds me, tho, that i glimpsed another kindred spirit in dex romweber when skimming his CD dedication to both st cecilia & chaney & wonder if he's better-reconciled the monstrous & ecstatic impulses, a life of fun & bliss blackened by the hole of heartache & oblivion. thought my fellow monster had it made, but he, too, confessed to sadness & brokenness. arrrgggh.
will there be fun & fulfillment again before this pop stand blows? can we write out a syllogism? what would the fringe physicists say? certainly someplace there are different versions of you & me & everyone we know, & some of them gotta be consistently happy. quantum mechanics thusly alleviates, @ least for this parsec, bleakness & self-pity... w/that, let's toss the gloom & wish happy rapture-that-never-came to all. we're all still breathing, for pete's sake! lastly i must thank a person i know for ratting the demon out so that he didn't have to try to contain her all alone & so she could live another day & maybe get a dang exorcism once & for all. as for mr & mrs gia, there are seats in heaven for them both, & no words can tell how much i love them. bravery to do what the soul calls -- i've had it; i've been there; i seek it again. may your path today be clearly-guided, gentle & brave.

road trip, friendship, a little tip

- glamorous becky & co came up to the mtns yesterday to practice for her bd show, bringing boxes of food: becky's smoky tri-tip & potato salad, fabi's rice, guacamole from johnny's grandparents' avocado ranch, & more. my main contribution was dogzilla, the most gigantic hotdog i'd ever seen, from flying j at I-5. john bruce hipped me to a garage punk site run by ratboy69 & played a fast, fast town hall party-style instrumental i hope they will record. fabi sat on her prettily-painted doghouse bass, pulled up karaoke from youtube on her i-phone, & sweetly sang "volver volver" & "la bamba" on breaks & becky & i harmonized buck & don & i found out our voices blend well! b & f went thru my show wardrobe & found me a dress to fit the "cocktail" theme, assuring me i won't look like a dumpy old lady & that they'll make me look "classy & beautiful." i don't know what to say except i hope they can & will. :)
- cover for the show'll be $10. we're starting our set w/fats domino & closing w/some late-50s psychobilly, a crampsian freak-out to lead-in the psycho- bands to follow. should be a fun time, showing up early for sound-check & so the girls can glam me out as they do themselves, staying at dude boy ranch (aka brad's house), then back to meet dusk devils for mtn practice. woohoo!
- the birds at the window, in the tree, soaring around, on the lines, on the ground are singing that it's a joyful day. my tip for today, read this a.m.: "every day is a god, each day is a god, and holiness holds forth in time" (annie dillard).

wanda, dex, & damien

not that you asked, but this is what i've been listening to lately, along w/cattie ness & the revenge stuff for becky's bd show in 2 wks. i love the weirdness of the wanda album, from its lugosi-meets-elvis valentine cover to jack white's "reverb-drenched" kitschy mix: lux & ivy'd be (would've been) proud! my fave, tho, is dex -- hard-rockin, full-throated, pleading, crazy-in-love, betrayed, sobbing, romantic, sincerely way-out dex... his commitment to music invites such grandiloquence! too, i love his absolutely-no-irony. good gravy, that haunted cat can wail!
some more of my audio favorites are these: james brown live @ the apollo; little walter le roi du blues; professor longhair house party new orleans style; the blasters over there (ep);  get hot or go home compilation; gun club the fire of love; self-titled LPs/CDs by the blasters, the paladins & the flat duo jets, 1st LPs; hank ballard & the midnighters; the stooges rubber legs; the cramps gravest hits (ep); five royales monkey hips & rice (if you have this & rip it for me, i'll give you BIG CASH!!!!*); jerry lee lewis london sessions; clifton chenier bayou boogie; chuck berry the great 28; ronnie dawson monkey beat city; wanda jackson rockin in the country; big sandy on the go; phil alvin's 2 solo LPs; gene taylor's 2 solo LPs; johnny burnette & the rock'n'roll trio tear it up; carl perkins sun sessions; fats domino specialty box set; wild fast & out of control box set (just cause it's got most all the standards in one place); born bad series; preservation hall jazz band; etc etc etc! (* along w/the DVDs of the movies "safe" [1995, todd haynes dir.] & "molokai" [1999, paul cox dir.])... wow! i almost forgot! today is SAINT damien's feast day! see link @ right about blessed saint damien, a gruff, misunderstood, hard-working, humble human being who dedicated his life to the lepers of molokai'i, who loved them & dearly cared for them when they were treated like animals, a true hero, patron saint of those w/leprosy, HIV/AIDS, & incurable disease (such as alcoholism), sanctified last yr.... well, gotta go. the creature that lives in the walls is scratching away. no metaphor there -- i'm talking a real varmint! after all, living in the mtns means we get beauty (snow last night! mother's day snow!)... & also critters! :)

it's alive!!!!! friends... good... dusk devils don't die

 -> we've been in shock dealing w/news that phil & his family were MOVING!!! we were gonna record a CD w/art fein producing called "dusk devils die," but the prospect was just too depressing, so we didn't... what to do? at our last show, brian paxton, dusk devils' original guitarist, spelled the phil for a set, & i thank him for that, & phil performed that day/ eve w/the reliability; melodic, blistering playing; good humor; & tons of wonderful traits he's always given the band... it was tough to play, knowing he'd be leaving soon, but what a swell final show it was. :)
-> we sure miss phil, but have to be done blubbering over it & know that if he ever comes back & wants to join up again, dusk devils will be a two-guitar band!!!

the excitement of maybe

that's the title of exene's new record (on bloodshot!)... brilliant! is there anything more exciting than the maybe, potential, perhaps, dream, rhapsody of possibility? sometimes, just sometimes, the reality approaches or even (so rarely) exceeds the maybe... but the ecstasy of maybe!... so easily lulled, i'm always grateful i somehow have a doer's constitution (imbued w/it? nature or nurture? don't matter). plus, living in fantasy & pipedream scares me! i know & have known a "shiftless dreamer" (to quote the addams family) or two & find them romantic & frustrating! -- maybe their imagination & vision is fuller than mine? -- but bottom line is, the maybe calls to all, like sirens to sailors, but i don't have to get lost in it or be destroyed by it...
anyways, my favorite of exene's lately songs has been "white trash wife" from "old wives' tales" -- what lyrics!... two ppl brought up x this past wkend - that exene lives in orange, that a friend does jdoe's amps & that jd still lives here AND (mebbe) in bako... and the maybe is calling to me now, thinking of all this & the other details that go along w/it which i must keep private for now, but i won't be dashed on the rocks of reverie... so i write about it here!
may you glimpse the romance of possibility today... but act in the realm of reality! :) (the most perfect-handsome-romantic-dreamer in movie history: raul julia as gomez addams)

happy may day!!!!!

- what a day for the usa! here is a bouquet for you who read, since i cannot put it on your doorknob, as we used to do for our mothers as we all walked home from school, bearing the flowers we'd made that day in class... this evening's news! resolutely, the man in the white house has proved his vision, intelligence, & strength. no showboater, this president. nose to grindstone, his administration & its navy seals have accomplished an amazing feat. "it's like if america captured hitler," said my friend. "he moved our troops to the country where the REAL war was; he kept his eye on the prize, & he got it."
- i hope those who have poorly veiled their racist motives while purporting to "demand the truth" about our president will shut up & go home now. i hope our president is proud of what happened today on his watch! - tho surely he would not take pride in the death of a fellow human, no matter how malevolent, & glory's not why the president, a man of bravery & brains, nobility & humility would do this. he will move now to the next arduous task, w/o fanfare. he will continue to toil to help us all.
- it happened today. it happened because of president obama. "mission accomplished!"

clepto, cats, cattie ness, kleenex, common touch, country kitchen

- i was stuffed in the cab of johnny rage's truck between johnny (drummer) & fabi dean (upright bassist), coming home from practice in bksfld w/cattie ness & the revenge, when johnny swerved & bellowed into my ear, "HEYYYY DUDDDESSSS!!!" as we soared past a band van to our right, pulling a trailer hand-painted "clepto.net." he laughed maniacally & yelled, "those're my buds from canada!! oh my god!!! we gotta run them off the road!!!!!" his friends, "arabs from canada," have a "metal punk" band, & johnny, who plays not just w/cattie ness but w/punk band D.M.F. (dirty m...fers), said, "i really respect those guys cause they quit their jobs & they've been on the road for three years playing; they're livin' it!!"
- we pulled off at ft tejon just as a family of deer were on their gentle way & waited til the unsuspecting clepto van clambered by, at which pt johnny stomped on it & we careened in pursuit, tires screeching, even sailing on two tires for a second as he in his haste rammed the onramp curb... @ the frazier mtn exit, fabi & i got burgers while johnny visited w/clepto, surprisingly mild-looking, sleepy, hirsute young men... then J&F took me right to my doorstep, kind young friends, & took a deep breath of the mtn air here & smiled & sighed, "wow!" before they went home to the big city.
- to back up, this was a wheel-less wkend, a bit of an adventure, 1st walking the mile down thru frazier park "village" to the county transit bus stop, taking that to downtown bakersfield, then walking from there to oildale while listening to rev frost's show on my new ipod... hoofing across the oildale bridge to the sounds of ronnie love's "chills & fever," gazing at the supplely-flowing kern river, the swaying grasses, the cavorting birds, i thought, well, no kids, no spouse, but i do got adventure.
- as i got to trout's, jani pulled up & off we went to pick up our friends, then to a touring company of "cats" at the rabobank, thanks to generous mama, whom we called & cheered a thank you. (when my niece was little, i trained her to call mama "grandma claus" bc of her easy largesse -- just a few days ago, mama took us to see my 1st opera, the silly, sexy rossini farce "le comte ory," at the edwards cinema!) none of my friends had seen "cats," & for me it had been 20 yrs; i was stunned by what i'd not appreciated when i was a kid -- the limber, lissome cartwheeling & twirling, executed SILENTLY by athletic dancers who at the same time SANG -- as well as was ongoingly distracted & chagrined by flashbacks to the "simpsons" parody of the play... despite my prematurely hardened shell, when i'd see "cats" as a cynical kid i'd always cry during the show-stopping histrionics of "memory," the last time copping a resentment cause i knew that dang tear-jerking note was coming, but could do nothing to stave the waterworks. what melodic calculation -- what musical dishonesty!! to save my friends potential embarrassment, i slipped them kleenexes, instructing jani to wait to give one to young jenna, who is sharp & cool & therefore might not even be moved... engrossed in the play, jani directly handed the kleenex to jenna, which then meant i was gigged for the rest of the show. i'd look over & jenna'd be grinning at me, making crying motions w/her face & hands. i'd look over again & she'd whisper, "how you doing, sniffles?"
- a few thousand breaths later, i was having bbq in a teepee in tehachapi, then headed out to the desert to see a friend speak at a meeting. afterward i had thrifty's ice cream &, in the dark desert night, promptly got lost w/no gas in the tank. many unhappy hrs later, i met cattie ness & her band at country kitchen in bksfld & practiced at a studio off union avenue & i do love how becky leads the band w/firm hand, yet how laid-back she can be as well as appreciative of other musicians, & i like how loose & friendly the revenge is & that we played every song today SUPER FAST!!! it'll be a fun birthday show i'll get to take pt in w/bd girl cattie/becky. 2nd guitarist adam -- whose pleasant air, quick ear, mild manner, & even looks remind me of the phil -- & i will be guest revengers that eve, & hellbound hayride & another psychobilly bands will play, too. whee!
- after the happy sardine-can ride home w/johnny & fabi, i got email from a lovely musician who wrote, "would you like to come play w/us?" what a thrill! i hope it happens, but if not, to be asked was nice... so in spite of life's little & sometimes big ups & downs, music, like life, goes on. c'est la vie... c'est la musique!

boogiewoogiepianorama & pure bombast

1st player: "boogiewoogiepianorama" - 1st in series of BW piano pieces & drum practice.

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

Get this widget | Track details | eSnips Social DNA

lower volume on the 2nd player above before listening (i spose its loudness is appropriate for such ham). song: "one night of sin" - recorded in 09 at old house in rm w/great acoustics, real piano(s); vocals redone in late 2010.

hedonism, existentialism, the error of causality, blablablablablablablabla

... vaguely recall this from an undergrad class:
sonnet 75: amoretti (spenser)
one day i wrote her name upon the strand,
but came the waves and washed it away:
agayne i wrote it with a second hand,
but came the tyde, and made my paynes his pray.
"vayne man," sayd she, "that doest in vaine assay.
a mortall thing so to immortalize,
for i my selve shall lyke to this decay,
and eek my name bee wyped out lykewize."
"not so," quod i, "let baser things devize,
to dy in dust, but you shall live by fame:
my verse your vertues rare shall eternize,
and in the heavens wryte your glorious name.
where whenas death shall all the world subdew,
our love shall live, and later life renew."
- is this true? can love immortalize life? is it romantic notion, vanity? aren't we just stardust? i told art fein yesterday i was feeling a little down about this & that & art, always sympathetic, crowed "YOU? having a CRISIS?!?" but that's the thing about being sober: you're always awake. there's no buffer! life, so beautiful, can wound when a person's not blotto. but what's the use of blotto? blotto don't last!!
- this wkend i had a way-close call w/a bottle of cheap gin... after all these yrs!! i now know w/gravity & fear this booze problem truly IS cunning, baffling, & powerful... & patient! how'd we escape it?!? i maybe could be dead, instead of writing this right now.
- reeling from that brought existential crisis. my bent was to dumb-out, dissociate, then burrow into cynicism, like the literary heroes of my youth, philip marlowe & sam spade. those cats knew how to protect themselves: trust & love no one or thing. instead all these beautiful things happened, thank whom- or whatever: the most gorgeous ventura sunset, colors out of maxwell parrish, combined w/a lush & gigantic DOUBLE rainbow spanning the mountains & tide. an emergency call to a lifesaver who actually was home & answered the phone, tho she was supposed to be out of town. a lucky penny. cosmic bowling w/strobe lights & the thunderings of freddie mercury. a pinball game in which the machine matched THREE TIMES! a dirt-cheap hotel corner rm w/ocean breezes, full kitchen, king-sized bed, & enormous tv.
tho i've usually viewed such positive experiences & coincidences as fortuities & serendipities, it just can't be -- it's all mere moments, albeit lovely ones oftentimes, that i've given subjective, magical interpretation. when we were little, my sister & i thought the moon followed us as we rested in the back seat of the car on family trips home from delano. this is like that: it's all just life, so often lovely, so often inexplicable, but w/no real causality. there's just the now, with the error, good deed, calm, beauty, storm w/in it.
- how to realize this & not be overrun w/despair? seize the day, realized tommy wilhem in saul bellow's novella. kick up the heels. heed the wild hair. maximize moments of smile & fun & friendship & creativity & learning. maybe all you need is love, but all there is is now. can we do good? affect change? do unto others? not if expectation's attached. accidentally? randomly? yes. is it an empty universe only to be met by hedonism? well, epicurus had more the right idea, i think. my rights DO end where your nose begins... as dad has said, "life's short, so get plenty of rest." that's his idea of a good time, & our most-noble, hard-working, kind, funny dad does know how to enjoy life, as does our loving & generous mama. they do so oftentimes w/gentleness. for me? carpe diem, turn blue, go hog wild. go forth & live!!
(ps: watch the movie "the lives of others" - you won't regret it... and listen to rev frost's latest podcasts - link @ right)