please send me to charm school

... or wherever they teach you to pose like a girl (i.e., 50s pinup, in this genre, i spose). i know i'm not doing bad for a "middle-aged broad," but it's embarrassing to play/have played in bands w/women who are quite glamorous & yet come off (me, that is) this consistently dorky in photos (yet, i post them)... and why in heck was i smoking? i really do look "wrong" smoking, as some people've told me... argh.
- intellectually i know there's nothing wrong w/just being a human in photos, wrinkles, squints, fat rolls, dippiness, ugliness, imperfections, HUMANITY & all... but man, it can be tough, esp in this social media age, plus being a performer & kinda reliant on projecting a physical image... what's the effect of the former, i wonder, on kids? it seems to me more youngsters than not are a bit too pose-perfect & always ready for their closeup, having grown up w/noses in media devices... google "duck face" -- not just teenaged girls do it -- adults aside (on which duck face or its cousin contrivances can look rather pathetic, doncha think?), i recently saw a slew of photos of a little boy now about 8 yrs old, brother of a former student, mugging it up in that goofy-yet-glamorous way kids who've grown up photographing themselves to post to social media sites all seem to have... it's kinda weird, isn't it? do you recall when kids -- or any of us, except maybe actors & models -- had no preconceived idea or anxiety, really, about how they looked in photos? (i had a free-floating, amorphous anxiety, but it was that i was ugly -- it never occurred to me that a particular pose or angle would fix that ugliness...) hmm... that last pt makes me wonder: is the constant visual diary most kids keep of themselves these days boosting their confidence or making them feel more self-conscious? (recently i saw a woman had posted her daughter's pic, to this response from daughter: "OMG!!! MOM!!!! you know that's my bad side!! i hate this picture!!!") are we getting more narcissistic? realistic? calculating? neurotic? a little of all? i mean, w/in a culture's (mostly unspoken) dictates, each of us has a gendered & performative role... maybe these kids who've grown up self-photoing for instant upload are better able to fit into this game called american society...
guess all this musing just makes me sound old... oh well.
karling is supposed to come up & stay (we might make a comic book, i hope, but probably just will watch "spider baby," which she, a monster movie fan, somehow's never seen). maybe i can get pointers from karling, who is extraordinarily glamorous, as well as kind & very talented... at the hike i took a few wks ago, one of the gals, stephanie, is a photographer, & before we got our photo taken, she told me to do something w/one foot, then pull out & tuck my chin. that is a start, i spose...
i like our young rhythm section right now. they are not just cuties, but good musicians. overall, i am  happy musically, & i know our folks gave me good genes, so can't complain too, too much. :)

boo

here i is, i is here (for now, that is)

photo by brian paxton (top), karling & the atomics (bottom) by mikee lee... boy, that 2nd one's quite a beefy shot of me; them big thighs, tho, can squat over 200 lbs. i have the hernia scar to prove it.
we had a good set, i thought, both these nights. the more karling twirls & smiles, the better i know we're doing. i so enjoy watching her enjoy a set, as i do becky & all the others in the three bands i get to play in. (conversely, there's little worse than looking over @ at "bandmate" who's not getting it.) :) later the latter night, i picked up a friend & we went up to the mtns & it became my friend's last trip. friendships end, but music is everlasting. life is everlasting. maybe not mine or yours individually on this plane, but on an energetic, cellular, stardust, atomic, neutrino level, yes, we're no more transient than are the rocks or universes... *sigh*

"the girls at trout's"...

- that was donnie's caption to accompany this image; i like the bangs: L to R, short, medium, long... the other eve i got to practice very briefly w/karling, donnie, cesareo, & AJ at AJ's home, teeming w/food, joyful young family, & cool mexicano-rockabilly motif; then it was off to rick's for DD practice & i've said this before in past yrs w/past lineups, & maybe it just happens when there's a happy union of ability, talent, friendliness, high energy, & dedication, but we REALLY SOUNDED GREAT!!! bsp claims nearly each wk he's not been practicing, but (between you, me, & the net) i think he might be fudging a bit bc ea wk his playing rocks harder & more genre-appropriately... too, happily for me, he & i, who maddeningly used to fight like cats & dogs, now seem to be getting along just fine, & there's nothing that can aid musicianship for me than shared friendly feelings...
- i'm especially now looking fwd to our show sat w/james & the blues express (flyer below) cause i think we'll have a real chance to wow all & ourselves w/what we know we really can do... at our 1st oasis show w/them, i forgot my piano stand & had to play on a barrel that rocked & rolled on its own, making playing a bit tough! at another (maybe the same one?), our old bassist showed up late, so we did the 1st 6 songs bassless, which isn't horrible, but feels bottomless compared to the usual! at the last one, our former guitar player was a little shook up that night, i now know, cause he'd just gotten reamed by james for telling him he was leaving the band... so this'll be our time to shine @ the oasis (not having expectations, just hopes!)... at any rate, i know i'll have my fun, & i suspect the others will, too! :)
- after our awesome DD practice, it was out to trout's, where i saw a ghost from the past & our interaction, i'm thankful, was happy; got to catch up w/the kidwells, lisa p, lynda fette, & russ davidson, asking the last to deliver mark powell a happy bd from me; met craig garrison for the 1st time & later learned we both love alice the goon; & bsp & i got to play a few songs as pt of karling's "bakersfield band" (lineup listed at top)... all this activity acknowledged, am starting to realize the most exciting news of late is i just found out this morn i'm going to france w/becky & fabi, & we're gonna play the good rockin' tonight festival!! will be in la belle france long enough to learn some french, find jogging paths, enjoy local cuisine & soak up culture as i follow becky around (she knows the ropes), maybe even take a side trip (visit gene taylor? how far's antwerp from where we'll be, i wonder?)... fabi also really piqued my curiosity re travel to mexico city, from which she hails... life life life! love love love! carpe diem, friends, carpe diem! :) :) :)

"corruptio optimi est pessima" & cry, cry, cry

the quote refers to the fall of lucifer, who, you might know, was the most beloved angel. warned 2 yrs ago by the above message given to me in an art-egg by a bright but emotionally damaged person to whom i was drawn, gypsy-moth-like, i ignored wise mind & plowed ahead selfishly. after my disrespectful visit before marie laveau's shrine in NOLA, the curse was on... yes, it sounds melodramatic, superstitious, etc, but must resort to magic, drama, fantasy to make it thru this latest blackness.
this, too, shall pass.
below is the way i almost always am when not wrapped up with "love": happy, joyful, connected, creative, grateful. wish i could erase my memory & stand here, free & new & clean... again, as it did when i went thru the hell of divorce from my kind ex, the poem looms: "the unknown god... is breaking me down to his own oblivion to send me forth on a new morning, a new [wo]man." (d.h. lawrence) ironic - the brilliant person mentioned above gave me the quote, to reassure me.

thank the good, good universe for the love & gift of music, which has the charms to soothe the "bestiam feram," the beast within that wants a soul dead. now i'm thinking of that throw rag song "the beast in me"... may you avoid the beast today & all days & be wiser than am i in matters of le cœur... theme for tonight: the stooges' "your pretty face is going to h*ll"...

upcoming shows & moonlighting dusk devils :)

at monday's show, i'll play a short set w/cattie ness & the revenge... the other should be a hoot w/lots of pretty girls... as for the last shot, rick, brian p, & eddie all met up @ trout's recently & "jammed"... i just like the pic. benefits for eddie's eye surgery will be aug 14 at trout's & aug 20 at the alano club -- flyers to come.

we gotta big blues train coming to your town

pix from rip cat records/whiteboy james and the 44s show at narducci's... a good time was had by all. :) :) :)

new posts... literally :) ....

- ouch! overdid it again today (tho didn't sustain too many bruises & didn't smash my hands) &, exhausted, my thoughts are jello, sweet & shallow & mooshy-swooshy... behold my nascent career in carpentry (not!) -- the bedframe porch railings (thought it looked a little new orleansy) & doorknob fencepost (our dear dad was delighted by the latter & proudly told friends, "that's why i admire my girls so much: they're geniuses!")
- oh! the joys of having a funky house & (many will relate) bargain-hunting eye. it's like going on an easter egg hunt each time the bargain-hunter "shops" -- so much more fun than going in stores where generally overstocked, overpriced & uniform items are RIGHT THERE, no hunting involved at all, not to mention imagination! too, bargain-hunting, being a form of recycling (this was a nice realization por moi), is environmentally kinder. :) ... oh crap; where was i? there's one synapse pinging in my head like a game of pong: bloop!... bloop!... the downside of dressing up my funky house on the cheap (my sister, bless her, crowed, "oh, how i love your watts tower house! everytime i come visit, there's something new to look at!") is i get way too involved in its decoration/repair & work like a demon til i can't move or breathe or think cogently... so here i is, & you is there, & ain't that a peach?
- the internet's dangerous @ these moments of giddy over-fatigue. consumption! i want to find a subaru brat! & tow it back home! a pair of snow boots (this would seem to be the time of yr to buy some)! whiteboy james! he plays all wkend in kern county. wow!
- the stupid part: we aren't opening for him this time bc of our recent guitarist problemo... little do james & co know, tho, how well brian paxton's been filling the bill while eddie has been out of action waiting for his 2nd eye surgery. (btw! two benefits for eddie will take place @ 1. trout's, aug 14, 3-11 pm [thank you, rockwell & lynda!]; & 2. alano club, aug. 20, 3 pm, -- flyers to come!)... yes, we've all been having fun playing together! bsp's learned everything mucho-quickly (he's a smart feller, yknow), pulled some awesome instrumentals out that are genre-spot-on, & even requested a vocal rehearsal so that 5-6 songs now have cool harmonies (not ever sounding "happy days," either, which is my fear)... now if we can figure out how to get rid of his mullet, we'll all be styling at our next shows!
- oh yes, add to this a perfect little pizza cooling on the counter. i'm reading about 80 books (god bless the public library!), the most delightful being life in paris by julia child, whose spirit can only infuse the reader w/joy. so when i just opened the oven to a steam-furnace blast & was able to use my peewee-herman-huge spatula to perfectly remove the perfect, bubbling pizza, it was a julia moment. oh! i wanted to crow in her distinctive voice, oh! how i LOVE to cook! ... however, that would've been a lie, coming from me; i merely loved the moment of pleasure i got to experience, now informed by & desiring julia's indomitable, lovable way. what a fascinating, unique character she was. and oh how i do love characters!
time for pizza... & tomorrow, yard sale up here on the hill, then dusk devils will meet to see the one & only whiteboy james!... sunday, our dear mama will have her birthday. her ex-son-in-law & nephew-in-law will be cooking for her & my ex-husband will be among the well-wishers. mama is so well-loved!
eat well! go to the library! sing a song! hug someone! use your mind! do some pushups! be a little weird! smile! wishing you a beautiful weekend.
bloop... bloop...

concidence, fortuity: you made me life so rich, you know you should've been some money, baby, you're so sweet you know you should've been some honey

- just glanced out the window while typing here on a beautiful spring-break mountain morn & saw andy noise from bk hiking up the hill! i knew he was planning to bring a group up here sometime to hike, so talk about coincidence! they might swing back by, if time allows before the bus back to bk. it's the best deal around - $3.50 one-way, $1.75 for seniors/disabled... a huge savings compared to driving it!
- oh, to type while looking out pic window @ pine- & oak-covered mtn topped by baby-blue sky, heavenly clouds wafting along their journey... wow! for the 100th time, i'll say it's difficult to get discombobulated up here, not just cause of lack of poisonous air (was sick last wk & up til yesterday bc of too much bkfld time), but bc of the calming beauty & ever-changing weather. who needs tv? the nature show's unbeatable!
- what's on your gratitude list? here's some for me on this lovely morn:
1. dogs curled up @ my ft; 2. pb&j sandwich w/coffee; 3. good fri dd rehearsal, tho al hendrix did not make it; 4. trip to trout's to see brian lonbeck w/the blackboard playboys, a rock-solid country band w/fabulous banny bannister on piano! this is top-notch "country" musicianship, people, every fri-sat nite, just $5 to two-step or study the pros on their instruments all night long! brian did a cool version of "16 tons" & i got to yak a little w/rockwell about how to turn bk into the next branson & then have a heart-throbbing slow dance that thrilled me to the bone! i realized i haven't had a slow-dance like that in a public place in over 20 yrs!!! sad? mebbe. i was just glad to have it at all. then i took a moonlit drive & had a late-nite super-nosh on the edges of town & my heavens, what a nice time!
5. visited my folks, who, like i hope you feel about yours, are the best; 6. had very short practice w/al @ scotty's cool NE pad; 7. then really fun show w/family, many, many friends, & laughing, dancing ppl!; 8. met super-nice geri boyd, musician w/friendly drawl & twinkling eyes, who is not just a) female; b) keyboard player; but c) a professional in a helping profession; & d) athletic (tho geri does team sports & i pretty much eschew competition)... however, geri trumps me in cool bc she plays SAXOPHONE!! wow!!! i was flattered on break when she came up & wanted to know how i played some piano pts. she said, "when you kicked that messaround off, i jumped to mah feet!"
9. the dusk devils kicked butt! highlights: phil's blistering guitar, creative, spot-on genre melodies, & good-natured hip-shaking during "whole lotta shakin'"; rick, in fine form, catching every beat, that tho he never even got to practice w/al!; scotty adding two tunes, his nice stage thing adding more humanity to dds. western-swing hall of famer, drummer jimmy phillips (late of the go-daddies) sat in for some songs, & original dd's guitarist brian paxton even came in & did a set! his lovely wife lisa provided these pix, from which i learned i need to burn these light-reflecting, unflattering pantyhose!! (oh well.) lastly, @ end of ea set, rockabilly hall-of-famer al hendrix, a fun, friendly senior, came up & sang... "georgia kate," one of al's originals, naturally soars, but it really did as we played & i looked over @ phil & he @ me & i knew we were sharing a hair-raising moment of happy musical thrill! (congrats to phil, too, who AT THE SHOW found out he is a grandfather. what a nice, nice moment for p & his family.) :)
10. a long-time friend, csub prof, emailed to say she's lost 30 POUNDS listening to "let it roll" while on her treadmill. wow!! she showed up, slim & smiling, w/hubby & friends. i didn't see alicia & doug, nor sincere & soulful, devoted-to-the-band john k & lovely wife susan, dance, but the beams from their tables really lit up my heart, as did smiles from gita, danny, aunty rita, mom & dad, vita, eric, hoss, henry, kim, franky, kirby, & so many others whose names i might not know, but whose friendly faces definitely are familiar... if i didn't list you, well, thank you so much for being @ this quite-special show, as well as thanks to al & ethel's for having us. :)
11. tho i was ill sunday & missed lunch w/the hendrixes due to lingering valley allergies, the day was nice, allowing rest & a gorgeous sunset walk on bluffs. friends watched tv basketball & i did not have to get uncorked bc competition & spectator sports -- like chuck berry, like hotdogs, like road trips, old motels, labor unions, honky-tonk & the blues -- are simply pt of our american culture.
(actually, tho, probably roman culture.)
- & when one basketball team represents NOLA, the lovely lovely crescent city where i hope to one day lay my head & also put fingers to keys, well, i sure can back that.
- spring is here! easter is near! happy season of rebirth & possibility to all! "a fonte puro pura defluit aqua!!!"