dumb bird & dumb dumb dumb, horrifying & dumb

(this is a post from 3 yrs ago that i just found.) 2023: i just love birds, but the dumbest one in creation, a beautiful (i think) warbler of some kind, has been pecking & banging against the picture window & the basement window below it since yesterday. i'm pretty sure it's the same guy: it pecks & pecks the windows, then when i go outside & yell at it, flutters 10 feet away and sits right in the tree opposite. then i go inside & it starts over. i'm looking at it right now as it calls or sings (sounding like a musical burp), its reddish brown little dino-eyes peering at who knows what. i thought it was pecking bugs, which seemed smart, but james said it thinks it's seeing another bird when it looks at the window glass, so then i realized how dumb the bird must be, hence the expression "bird brain," but then if i was superstitious i'd think it's the spirit of someone or -thing or a messenger, but i'm not feeling that, so i guess the conclusion is it's just dumb... been wanting to watch good halloween haunt-scare films, but this is the prob when you've been a film freak for 40 plus years: most movies are so dumb & predictable. last night i binge-watched the latest netflix trend, & it was just dumb. what a waste of the hours, about as entertaining as eating a candy bar, a 2 hr candy bar; could be worse. most viewers now are younger than i am currently, so they've not seen so many films, so maybe that's why crap is so common. i mean, i'm sure i've seen in the 5-figure range of movie, since i became a movie freak at around age 10. used to be so hard to get good films: you had to find them in a catalog that was hard enough itself to find, then order them (movies were upwards of 60 bucks in the 80s!), then wait. now everything is streaming. click & watch. but most just ain't worth the click... horrifying that the #1 show on netflix now is the dahmer pic. one of my 5th graders referred to dahmer & looked at me to see what i'd do. i think he wanted reassurance, so i just said yes, a real-life monster, but there only was one of him, so don't worry. so little kids are watching shows about the milwaukee necrophile & cannibal. sure, i've been morbidly fascinated with killers most all of my life, but i was a strange kid & teen & young person, & tho now still eccentric, my little black heart has become relatively large & golden in older age. but back then we were so weird, like exceedingly so. my friends & i were warped alcoholics & addicts & misfits & miscreants who really just wanted to be loved but couldn't get to it. there was no nerd culture or internet or acceptance of gayness, even, back then, least in backwardsfield, so we watched all that horrible stuff & somehow felt connected. tho young, we were adults when we did all that. and we were strange, like i said... now all children, the ones that like pokemon & playing with dolls & 4-square & their blankies, can watch that same stuff, the stuff that you used to have to order from italy or japan because it was illegal to watch in this country. then they come to school & we are supposed to teach them when they have images in their little heads of jeffrey dahmer luring some young man to his squalid apartment, then drugging & killing him, then mutilating him, then having sex with the corpse, then eating him. it is a very bad situation for those children today whose parents are not watching over & protecting them. i know that me & other teachers protect them when they are at school & would at the expense of our own lives. i don't want them at such tender age to have to see or know about any of the horror of Life. especially i hate thinking they believe that behavior is usual, that the boogeyman is real & everyplace. i knew Life had changed yrs ago when james, james jr & i walked into a greek restaurant in orange county & on the eatery tv was... zombieland... specifically the gruesome intro. so we could eat our gyros while watching the undead get mutilated for our enjoyment... ok, the bird is back. what could it be seeking? keep your kids safe. protect their eyes & hearts. don't let them believe there are more boogeymans than good humans.

waterworks

reading

this is me this morn in a shirt handed down from dad to james to me. me, so happy due to being home & having read the best novel in memory. yesterday i took james to his packed gig north of long beach, CA., stephen hodges on drums. no room in the joint, s.r.o., as they says. went thrifting, grocery shopping, had falafel & tea, read my book. my sponsor, a bibliophile, loaned me the frozen river, an absorbing, riveting!, historical fiction by ariel lawhon. returned to exhausted james, soaked w sweat, james, so grateful for the show & all the love from friends & fans, swept him home through the night. finished the outstanding book this a.m. in bed, birdsong & yawning forest cheering outside, a lush view of nature abundant, whatta brilliant bedroom picture we have. the last wk of school is upcoming, then the heart doc, then i hope physical therapy for the injured-since-dec foot. after that i'll be able to play more than a set w/o pain & not think every gerd episode is a heart attack. happy sun'

s day.

Soyajoy, boy oh boy!

Dictated: My resourceful sister gifted me with a kitchen appliance called a Soyajoy. This amazing object, which she grabbed while thrifting, can puree dry beans, peas, and grains within 20 mins! Our school district didn't use all our snow days, so I was home today fixing little crap around the house and decided to Soyajoy a pitcher of mayacuba (canary) beans. Was the project successful? I'm in bed at 830 now, too full to move. From two cups of beans I made porridge with maple syrup (breakast-lunch); a complete cake, actually more like a custard, topped with coconut molasses frosting; and spicy rice-bean griddle cakes (dinner). Meant to research any deleterious effects of eating too many beans, but too late now, can't unring that bell. So far, so good: other than extreme fullness, I've not had the gastric explosion one might anticipate. I read that pureed beans are more bioavailable, easier to digest, even, so maybe that's it. So if you want to add another method for great eating, look for a Soyajoy!... There's a lot of other stuff going on, but I'm too beaned up to keep going. B

urp.

memories & gratitudes

when things are calm, memories can come surging back, ones that don't make sense. flash!

someone should write a song about it. maybe me. tho the memory that came up recently's too creepy: i don't want to entertain it in verse & melody at this point.

we just were at a meeting & james is parsing the disjointed ramblings of the schizophrenic person who was there, sort of like we used to do with lit analysis when i was an undergrad. difference here, there's no pomposity with james. in school, there was always some ass or another blowing word-flatus & wasting everybody's time with their unnecessary blathering.

this morning we had a beautiful principal's day ceremony for my boss, who sure deserves it. i played the piano keyboard as first the tk thru 1st grades, next, 2nd through 4th grades sang to him. the whole student body gave him cards they had made. laughing, giggling children swarmed him with hugs.

my boss was struck by heavy emotion, overwhelmed with love, leading afterward to a classroom discussion of "being moved to tears." i was grateful to be in charge of this celebration, & a few weeks back, our test prep rally, too. our boss has complimented me as "our school's cheerleader," which is so bizarre considering my socially phobic origins. however, i've not been that way for many moons. i have a duty to step forward when these occasions come up. other people might get shy, but i cannot. i've got the skill set for performance, music, art stuff, so i can't have false modesty when a task needs doing, & i've got the ability to do it.

just got to lead the drunk club mtg & james keeps saying, "i'm proud of you, honey." i am grateful because, like my boss's compliment, he means it. i'm so proud of him right now, it's tough to express. he's my kookoo, my hero, my peach, my precious. i hope you have one, too, but if you don't, be your own.

you gotta home, james, long as i got mine

we decided not to go south to see 3 blasters since phil wouldn't be there. instead just had the coolest rehearsal. we know 100s of songs between the 2 of us! the blasters & chuck berry ones have settled into the ur-brain & come out natural as air. like a 2-engine locomotive!! 3 hours later, my foot needs an x-ray more now than ever. it was worth it!!!

the question isn't will you do it? / the question is can you do it?

life has been in session lately, which is recovery-speak for things have been pretty shite. songwriting is a productive funnel for emotion, so i wrote a song just now in the style of the 5 royales, recorded a video, then realized i'm too deflated to figure out how to upload it. but this pic of my home recording session reminded me of a co-worker i had many lives ago, when i worked for buck owens & dated his youngest son. this co-worker, who typical of that time felt entitled to say such things, said "jenny g** (my family name), some days you look fine, & some days you look like sh*t." this pic is more of the former variety, w/its

flattering bright lights. there's an episode of seinfeld (tellingly, of that same time period) on that same idea: the woman who is a goddess from one angle, medusa from another. anyways, i can't play you the song right now here, but one of these days i hope i'll record the hundreds of songs i've written & just throw them out there on some platform or other. i've even considered going to tiktok, tho i feel i might be decades too old. my friend ruben (late of the blazers) used to say put the songs out there, let them steal them, then go after them. that was in the days before streaming, however. who knows now what would happen. i know the few times ppl have written songs about me, or even better, recorded songs i wrote, it's been a great compliment. ok, back to Life. not knowing what will happen is a great curiosity & terror, but it's the only notion that's realistic. all moments have led to the great Now.

chop wood, carry water

keep trudging