"corruptio optimi est pessima" & cry, cry, cry

the quote refers to the fall of lucifer, who, you might know, was the most beloved angel. warned 2 yrs ago by the above message given to me in an art-egg by a bright but emotionally damaged person to whom i was drawn, gypsy-moth-like, i ignored wise mind & plowed ahead selfishly. after my disrespectful visit before marie laveau's shrine in NOLA, the curse was on... yes, it sounds melodramatic, superstitious, etc, but must resort to magic, drama, fantasy to make it thru this latest blackness.
this, too, shall pass.
below is the way i almost always am when not wrapped up with "love": happy, joyful, connected, creative, grateful. wish i could erase my memory & stand here, free & new & clean... again, as it did when i went thru the hell of divorce from my kind ex, the poem looms: "the unknown god... is breaking me down to his own oblivion to send me forth on a new morning, a new [wo]man." (d.h. lawrence) ironic - the brilliant person mentioned above gave me the quote, to reassure me.

thank the good, good universe for the love & gift of music, which has the charms to soothe the "bestiam feram," the beast within that wants a soul dead. now i'm thinking of that throw rag song "the beast in me"... may you avoid the beast today & all days & be wiser than am i in matters of le cœur... theme for tonight: the stooges' "your pretty face is going to h*ll"...

"hello" to jp + bang bang: great song, bad idea

hello.
thank you for continued interest in life. and i suppose me.
it's good to maintain a constant interest in life - one's own, others', the life process. good but elusive.
i bashed my noggin pretty badly yesterday, so we'll see where this writing goes -- here're some pix from this past wkend. cattie ness & the revenge: nice, fun-loving full of life, generous, laid-back comrades. becky, strong & beautiful, has created for herself a full artist's life which she kindly shares w/people like me. as you can see, the band pic came out well -- atractive folks, photogenic. however, from now on, i will groom myself for shows, & for life, for that matter, since when i don't, i feel like i'm in drag, an impostor, a midget. becky'd asked the band for an elegant look -- you can see that she (& fabi) are gorgeously coiffed -- mentioning "audrey hepburn." sighing w/doom, i realized i can't even see "audrey hepburn" from here... but "lon chaney"? yes, that look's possible, as you can see from hotel photo of my texting marathon w/fellow monster... ah! society breeding discontent & desperation (damned freud!)... ah! unstructured life condemning soul to sloth & madness (i pray temporarily)... this reminds me, tho, that i glimpsed another kindred spirit in dex romweber when skimming his CD dedication to both st cecilia & chaney & wonder if he's better-reconciled the monstrous & ecstatic impulses, a life of fun & bliss blackened by the hole of heartache & oblivion. thought my fellow monster had it made, but he, too, confessed to sadness & brokenness. arrrgggh.
will there be fun & fulfillment again before this pop stand blows? can we write out a syllogism? what would the fringe physicists say? certainly someplace there are different versions of you & me & everyone we know, & some of them gotta be consistently happy. quantum mechanics thusly alleviates, @ least for this parsec, bleakness & self-pity... w/that, let's toss the gloom & wish happy rapture-that-never-came to all. we're all still breathing, for pete's sake! lastly i must thank a person i know for ratting the demon out so that he didn't have to try to contain her all alone & so she could live another day & maybe get a dang exorcism once & for all. as for mr & mrs gia, there are seats in heaven for them both, & no words can tell how much i love them. bravery to do what the soul calls -- i've had it; i've been there; i seek it again. may your path today be clearly-guided, gentle & brave.

if nothing changes, nothing changes

music i used to listen to: manic depression is touching my soul i know what i want but i just don't know how to go about gettin' it feelings sweet feelings drops from my fingers, fingers manic depression is catchin' my soul [man] so weary, the sweet cause of pain you make love, you break love it's all the same when it's over music, sweet music i wish i could caress, caress, caress manic depression is a frustrating mess
well, I think I'll go turn myself off and go on down, all the way down really ain't no use in me hanging around in your kinda scene
und: well, i've been down so g*d* long, well, it looks like up to me (actually, this 1st was a novel by richard farina... still have a copy)
the good thing in all this is, the only way from here is up. otra ves. ein andere. again. etc.
today was dad's bd & tomorrow's mother's day & surrounded by love, giving all i can of it, life goes on. ob-la-di, ob-la-da.