your blinded hand (tennessee williams)

Suppose that
everything that greens and grows
should blacken in one moment, flower and branch.
I think that I would find your blinded hand.
Suppose that your cry and mine were lost among numberless cries
in a city of fire when the earth is afire,
I must still believe that somehow I would find your blinded hand.
Through flames everywhere
consuming earth and air
I must believe that somehow, if only one moment were offered,
I would
find your hand.
I know as, of course, you know
the immeasurable wilderness that would exist
in the moment of fire.
But I would hear your cry and you’d hear mine and each of us
would find
the other’s hand.
We know
that it might not be so.
But for this quiet moment, if only for this
moment,
And against all reason,
let us believe, and believe in our hearts,
that somehow it would be so.
I’d hear your cry, you mine –

And each of us would find a blinded hand.

let's help big manny. + "i've been waitin a long long time, just realized it's true, that my heart will always be in love with you."

this eve at practice scotty mentioned this video... what a delight to see it! this was the song where i really felt the music soar... to be in the middle of such a thing is quite a feeling!
al, dear man, threw us a curve ball toward end of song, as in his happy enthusiasm he tends to do, but laraine, his wife, shut the video player off right after that. :) i remember we caught the ball & brought it all home just a moment later... w/no video evidence, you'll just have to believe me. :)
time for bed, for tomorrow the gias bring chorizo & egg breakfast to the scores at SVDP & then i will get to hold peoples' sacred trust again, reading & writing & chatting w/them, as i got to do last wk.
life, o life, where will you take us all next?

upcoming: sat jul 9, noon-4 pm, al hendrix backed by canadian band six gun romeo at ethel's old corral... also, please spread word about the below event, taking place to help my dear friend, gentle man, & monster of powerful, melodious rocknroll american-roots guitar:

wow.

at 1st, i thought this was the picnic where we'll play at noon, but then maybe it was hart pk, but i don't think it's either. still, what a shot. :) this morn i'm listening to NPR &the birds are singing joyously. my house is in escrow, the sun is shining, & later i get to see 100s of friends, then my little beautiful cousin, who is having her 1st communion. today is a good day, & may it be for you, as well.

geez louise. bettie page is gone.

- was posting manuel's xmas shows (tomorrow at the game in temple city; go to www.myspace.com/bigmannyband to see) & chuckling w/him excitedly about the record when i read that bettie page died. :( 85 yrs old. (not young; she had a heckuva hard life: abuse, pinup yrs, holy roller, insanity - tho in her last photo, at age 80, she looked great!) she made the rest of us women look like little men, i think. considering she's a patrician blonde, gretchen mol did a pretty darn good job as bettie in "the notorious bettie page," getting her spirit (i suppose), but gretchen mol, too, looked like a little man compared to the real bettie.
- she exercised daily before most women did. she had the most perfect, lovely figure (revealed most beautifully in bunny yeager's shots) & bewitching features. i saw color film footage of her once & she was indigenous-brown. she was a teacher for a while. she didn't drink or smoke, which gave me hope when my life was very dark. later in life, she struggled big time w/mental illness. (i did too before i stopped drinking, tho i never stabbed anyone. bettie did.)
- i think if i hadn't had to clean my life up, i'd've been one of these rockabilly gals steeped in bettie-worship, who blackens & rolls her hair just like bettie, dresses just like her, drives herself bonkers being in love w/"being" bettie, but i did, so i don't. plus who am i kidding??
- she was more magical than 500 of her impostores. none can come even close because soul, which bettie had, is organic & free-flowing & imitation is studied & ironic, the opposite of soul. in black & white, she was the sweetest angel, the naughtiest devil, the mightiest queen, & everything in between. the wanna-betties (that sounds harsh; what's a better name?) can't imitate that amazing quality because it was spontaneous & authentic; like elvis impersonators, they can only ape. oo-oo-oo!
- but heck, i guess it's cooler to ape bettie than say... heck, most anyone else. so don't mean to sound unnecessarily harsh, but i think the point is, why ape at all? there'll only ever & always be one bettie page, & now she's gone. so just be yourself!... whatever THAT means!!
- row row row your boat, c'est la vie, memento mori... forry, bettie, the evidence keeps building. i guess ain't none of us getting out alive, so go have fun, friend, kick up your heels & go.

the crappy & the cool: "dark eyes" in lotusland

most trips this yr've been to sf for school, so i've missed LA w/that longing a soul can get for things both seedy-beautiful, haunting-exhilarating, & crappy-wonderful. got to climb the grapevine listening to "maybelline"! then descended home to the live version of "roll 'em pete" on the blasters' over there ep, looking out on kern county farmland, green-flat & smog-hazy, & thinking how rolling down the rd & certain tunes are fused in me - maybe for you, too? my trip was a mix of the crappy & the cool - crappy: the disappointment of NOT seeing my favorite band due to... well, it'd be gossipy speculation, so i won't go there; got a pkng ticket outside roscoe's because i was a dog-tired cheapskate; juke joint night at harvelle's instead had karaoke & funk... cool: sta monica & venice walking (tho the bohemian freedom makes me want to smoke, dang it!); lovely color-popping ocean-breezy flowers & greenery all around; crossing the venice canals & looking left-right down on the little boats; thrift & other wacky shopping; soul food from roscoe's & los burritos; good times & supping w/music friends & family; meeting net friends for the first time, unexpectedly, at 3 balls of fire show in marina del rey (insect surfers' dave, chrome oxide's steve, south bay surfers' david, big tiki dude jeff... & then geno walked in w/jimmy v of thee midnighters - geno who used to manage the blazers!); watching bassist vic gerrard (late of the derailers & many other acts) smile & groove w/his astounding 15-yr old drummer son victor, both cueing in to every move from somber, lumbering frontman mike vernon (whose fingers express what his golem-like countenance doesn't - a seeming contradiction for such dramatic, lush, evocative sounds to come out such a guy!).
to southland friends i didn't see, we'll meet again. :)this kind of solo happy-lonesome blow-off thing i'm blessed to be able to do now & then really fills a person up. i do a lot of stuff alone, but sometimes it seems more fitting, to be able to savor experiences others might not enjoy if they were along.
now on: "el paso," "my babe," "dark eyes," x, freddy fender, the mavericks, sadies, fess, roky, mr owens, los straightjackets, etc etc... if you're still reading, well, may you move gently or goofily thru your day: whichever pleases you most! :)

romance of lonely love gone south soul hankerings

the sadness of life can bring such lonely pleasure; does anyone relate? i wrote a song long ago about driving long distances at night: "i got that happy lonesome feeling..." solitude, especially when coupled with action (walking, driving, music-playing) puts a soul closer to something ineffable & everlasting & beautiful, something that's calling & we're all gonna see it, and the lonely times give just a little glimpse...
i know this line of thinking isn't one bit original, so here are some more tunes. taking a small breather from school & messing again with the free audacity mini-mixing program, i know these tunes still sound rough as a badger's behind, but i don't care (obviously). the process is so pleasing, & maybe someone else'll try this. why not? :) ... i still've got that problem of tweaking the dials too high & it all comes out kinda squacky, messy, rough, lame, corny, embarrassing, but with those moments of pretty & exciting & even cool, like life, you know (haha - i can justify anything!) ... ok, time to go to the doctor now. :)

SADIEBROWN the exg...

REDLIGHT jennyange...