oh, professor, you're full of whimsy!! www.old99.net

-> "well, it's midnight, & i wanna go home / driving union avenue all alone / eucalyptus trees frame the old moon / i'm in a terrible place, i don't know what to do / so i'm driving into bakersfield / motels line the avenue wide / broken dreams, old places, neon signs / this town used to be so grand, old 99 was big buck land / & i'm driving into bakersfield" ... that's part of a near-rhyme tune i wrote several years back, about driving & crying & loving-hating bakersfield, & was pt of the dusk devils' genesis... a happy turn is my newest band is called OLD 99! our drummer recently went to the rob's house & laid down about 8-9 drums tracks for songs, then in a burst of enthusiasm, came home & made a bunch of whimsical pictures. (thelma todd: oh professor, you're full of whimsy! groucho: you can tell from over there? that always happens when i eat radishes. - Horse Feathers) this is my favorite, capturing the appropriate way i feel we should approach this musical project, which has been increasingly exciting. (too, i have happy memories of going to big boy w/auntie rita & my sister & cousins.) it's all for fun - nothing lasts - don't take yourself so dang seriously (rule 62) - whee!
-> soon enough, there'll be the equivalent of an LP's worth of music available on the band website at www.old99.net . the music's mostly honky-tonk w/emphasis on harmony singing, also some old R&R, rockabilly, R&B, & softer stuff, which i'm really having to get used to. i think i can, since the fellers are so generous in spirit. so far, old 99's been a welcome & unexpectedly nice surprise.
-> feliz fin de semana to all who read this. :)

a posting for jim b

here's a clip from my all-time favorite TV event, recorded by granada television (uk) in 1964. you can order it from www.videobeat.com w/keywords "Don't Knock the Rock" granada & some of the artist names below... jl lewis is a bulky & seductive musical harry powell-elmer gantry kinda powerful-perverty figure here, & the wild rock&roll frenzy is (in a good way) a crazy-making thrill. (forgive the lazy writing; the happy fellowship of this wkend's drunk convention salved my physical ills, but was draining)... the other footage, esp of gene vincent & little richard, is absolutely amazing!! - follow the youtube clip below to watch more - one guy posted most of the show there in snippets for now.

upcoming shows you gotta gotta goada

if you can get there, that is... i'm a-goin. just gotta. life's too short not to.
-> THE PONDEROSA STOMP, house of blues, new orleans, LA www.ponderosastomp.com
-> ROCKIN'50s III, oneida, green bay, WI www.http://www.actionpackedevents.com/Oneida%20Fest%202007.htm (pix from Rockin'50s I, Spring 2002)

nothing flip to say on this day. glad to be alive, is all.

they're coming to take me away, haha, hoho, heehee... "the only proof he needed for the existence of god was music" plus a few little gush-fests

BREATHLESS exgirlf...

-> R.I.P. kurt vonnegut, the (i think, dang it!) eternally hopeful and quotable: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/k/kurt_vonnegut.html
and http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Kurt_Vonnegut ...
-> art fein, who sent me a copy of "man w/o a country" last yr, told me last month that his girl was researching vonnegut & desired his j-hancock (i wrote about kesey at her age, but he already was pushing up daisies) & he actually GOT IT for her... what good timing for the young lady. who knows - maybe she will be one to help carry on the spirit of such outraged, brave, & humane satirists.
-> lately my research has taken a happy turn & i've become hopeful that young folks may save this world, w/the social networking revolution perhaps being a good sign that they want to commune & be involved & the volunteer soldiers who persevere despite inadequate federal support evidence of the driving, inner voice, which manifests itself uniquely, but seems to come from a common & benevolent source. specifically, my stepson, quite the party boy, also does engineers w/o borders & is becoming involved in a green engineering project; young local activists & punks do food not bombs, feeding the homeless, every sunday at noon at central park; my 13-yr old niece, who seems to have eyes only for manga, has a benevolent, fully-formed, animistic spiritual belief at an age when all i wanted was candy, mad magazine, movies, & piano... i think beyond the youtube narcissism & foisted, all-pervasive celebrity-consumption culture, our young people look to be better than we are so far, more other-directed, less vision-obscured (or maybe less dualistic? more accepting of "difference"?), more engaged.
-> well, i woke up too late & piddled around & missed an apt this am, so here is what i did instead, more crude & peppy solo music. brian p & phil are gonna go play this wkend, so i didn't practice w/them yesterday (i'll be at school this wkend - no sense in me being there last nite wasting time when they could've been readying for sat), so i hope that's fruitful for them...
-> in my new band, old 99, www.old99.net , we're doing stuff like 3-part harmony & slick playing, but then when i listen back, i don't barf at all, it's kinda like when i sang choir years ago - whatta pleasure to be a part of a bigger, effusive, team kind of spirit!... then, bonus, the other day we did a chuck berry medley that was swell: i thought, good gracious, wow, WOW!, if we can have this energy level here & there, i'm home!!! the occasional slow or poppy song, well, i guess i can hang w/it. i like that everything's coming from a traditional C&W kinda base rather than anything more "modern," too: this band definitely respects the roots. rob even wants to do some zydeco stuff. yahoo! and there's none of that fake middle-class bluesman stuff that really is gross... we have some recordings down, but they asked we use them for practice, not public, even tho they sound 100x better than what i do alone. (however, i'm realizing how blest i am to get to do it all - the crude & wild alone stuff; the rocknroll duskdevils stuff; the crystal palace-kinda old99 stuff)... a person has to keep trying & occasionally realizing, don't you think? vonnegut's great words: "If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED / FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD / WAS MUSIC" .. ah-men.

easter/prospera pascha sit et pacem in terris

(the above just means "easter/happy easter and peace on earth")
my first "video" (tho my 13-yr old niece is right - it's just a "slideshow"):

hope you like it, anyhow. :)

happy to be living, obsessed: chicken, waffles, toxic sodapop fuel the monkey

first of all, we all lost another friend the other day. he was lucky, maybe, to go very suddenly, but still, how sad (especially for my hubby, w/whom he was friends; i know b admired j very much, like everyone did). j was taken too early... he was one of two people i recall from '91, when i lived every day in a sick & altered state & yet couldn't see why i had such blasted bad luck. thru then-called-kernview hospital, i wound up at the drunk club (didn't come back til '95) & the smiling, rangy-athletic fellow w/the buzzed, prematurely-grayed hair helped make me feel at home. may he rest in peace, sweet soul that he was. i know he will be well-remembered; we wish his family solace.
i know it's saddest for us still living when we lose someone... being a friend of bill w's means i have more camaraderie & fellowship than i ever could've possibly dreamed, but then loved ones go, suddenly or slowly, here & there, & it stinks each time, but it's life. i know soon enough i'll be shuffling off myself, so i guess the best thing is just to stay with the herd, appreciate & love people while we're here, & try to remember them gratefully & reverently, not sadly & self-centeredly, when they leave.
maybe i'll be so lucky, but i guess that part doesn't matter... remember marcus aurelius, so noble, writing repeatedly that one must act & live from a place of one's own truth, w/o worrying about the condemnations of others, & how the 1st book in his "meditations" pays loving homage to his many role models... he obviously was a man who loved & appreciated many, but knew not to pay unnecessary heed to critics & those lacking vision.
on to the mundanities of life: today, dedicated to polishing off part 3 of my thesis (been at it all wk & sick of it), i sat at the computer for 9 hrs & embarked on a strict regimen of chicken & waffles (a whole essay could be written on this alone, but i'll spare everyone), swashing it down w/a particularly creepy yet delicious sodapop, maybe even deadlier-better than diet big red, called diet pepsi jazz caramel creme... do you think the ingredients of such a potion could fit on the side of a train car? but hi-dee-ho: let's have another can.
that the paper's done & i still live is a really nice deal. :) there's all kindsa music stuff to attend to, especially w/my new band "old 99" (those fellows really want to get stuff started asap... i do wish it were that way w/dusk devils, but not for now, i guess). i have been a little negligent in my saintly duties, as well, but it all has had to wait cause i have had research monkey brain (haven't even been sleeping lately; too many ideas sloshing around in the noggin). by 3 pm, i had birthed another 18-pg paper & it was jig time. we're supposed to turn in 8 pages by april 14, and i've written 42. my thesis is up to over 60. i am very pleased!!! overachieving is necessary in this context; i won't get done by august, otherwise. (btw, i found out guitarist keith wyatt went to new college!!) the toxic chemicals, i guess, help, in the short run (tho kill in the long, but what the hey, let's play play play). not to mention obsession... productively funneled, the latter can be quite a boon. :) (P.S. - tho roscoe's down south has the world's best, dope-wonderful chicken & waffles, J's Southern here in town serves them, too... j's is finger-licking good stuff, dang worth it, on ming avenue, but tho lisa paxton - I MISS LISA!!! - knows the name of the cross-street, i don't.)

why i don't write poems

trying to do research / drinking my milk malted / hearing the dogs snoring / gories, blasters, little walter / my toe's a little rainbow / tho the black & blue's receding / and i'm a real expert at / avoiding heavy reading / burma shave
**
-> kafka's "metamorphosis" (http://www.mala.bc.ca/~Johnstoi/stories/kafka-E.htm)
-> wikipedia analysis (interesting section: "lost in translation" - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Metamorphosis)
-> mark twain's very funny "the awful german language" - http://www.kombu.de/twain-2.htm)... this one's a dainty-deterrent, i think. don't drink milk while reading it. :)
***
(two days later)(i should have broken a finger instead of a toe, i think)
- a didactic ode to my idols -
axolotl / little lizard / always keeps its youthful shape / is the human it resembles / young & vital or a flake? / the culture sells that 16 / is the only place to aim / but it's futile sad L7 / chasing sameness, botox, fame / so to the critics, give the bird / and grow by staying green / life's short, be weird, & speak your truth, / you rock boppin' machine

arrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!!! my toe!!!!!!!! plus american sweetheart karling abbeygate at fishlips tonight, 3-22; skip heller, three shows 3/28, 4/4, 4/18

i just busted my toe!!!! i was lifting weights & a 6-lber slipped from about chest-level & WHAM! there was that swelling moment of this-isn't-so-bad, then AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! so tonight after the drunk club adjourns, i will hobble to part of a music show at fishlips, karling abbeygate, the "america's sweetheart" kind of pin-up girl who has absolutely blanketed myspace. this is perhaps awful to say, except that i'm usually the last fool to know what's cool, but i actually didn't add karling for a while because there are loads of shapely, genetically-gifted gals on myspace with one billion "friends." what besides beauty do they offer? (no cheap jokes, please.) i mean, jerry angel places babes on the top 8 of the blasters' page regularly, but i'm a vanilla school teacher... everyone likes a pretty girl, but can she play? sing? draw? write? dance? juggle? make balloon people? shape foreign policy? finally, i listened to karling & found out 1) she does that ultra-traditional honky-tonk that i love, recorded intentionally to sound old-timey; & 2) boy, she can sing!! i imagine she could end up as the next neko case (as you prob know, NC started singing western tonk tunes & now is big big as a solo act), tho her image is softer, girlier. anyways, karling will be on tonight, plus one of cesareo's 800 bands , the iron outlaws, & another westerny act. one of KA's guitar players is none other than mr paladins-hacienda bros himself, dave gonzales! that's sure to get brian paxton there, for a chance to maybe see mr guild guitar in action... as if karling needs any more "friends," here is her link, so you can hear her terrific sound: http://www.myspace.com/karlingabbeygate ... recently, my new friend rob said that i "can sing like a bird," & i thank him so very much, what a nice thing to say, but i think that compliment goes to karling. what an appealing voice! now, if she plays instrument/s, too, i'll be an even bigger fan. :) pretty is one thing, but pretty & multi-talented, well, i wanna see more gals like that, good role models for all. not that looks should count... multi-talented women & men, especially ones with clear vision & spark, those are the ones who change this world ... well, time to go cry over my elephantoesis. see you at fishlips & tomorrow, hello, san francisco... otra vez!

romance of lonely love gone south soul hankerings

the sadness of life can bring such lonely pleasure; does anyone relate? i wrote a song long ago about driving long distances at night: "i got that happy lonesome feeling..." solitude, especially when coupled with action (walking, driving, music-playing) puts a soul closer to something ineffable & everlasting & beautiful, something that's calling & we're all gonna see it, and the lonely times give just a little glimpse...
i know this line of thinking isn't one bit original, so here are some more tunes. taking a small breather from school & messing again with the free audacity mini-mixing program, i know these tunes still sound rough as a badger's behind, but i don't care (obviously). the process is so pleasing, & maybe someone else'll try this. why not? :) ... i still've got that problem of tweaking the dials too high & it all comes out kinda squacky, messy, rough, lame, corny, embarrassing, but with those moments of pretty & exciting & even cool, like life, you know (haha - i can justify anything!) ... ok, time to go to the doctor now. :)

SADIEBROWN the exg...

REDLIGHT jennyange...

the city by the bay, schooling, driving, 3-part-wang-dang-ding-dong-harmonalizing, pax tecum (y'all)

my life lately's consumed with school. school school school school. in sf yesterday, i turned in my 2nd paper & lunched w/my wise & gentle advisor. my thesis is four parts: problems "young" people face developing a sense of authentic purpose; a few suggested solutions; a school curriculum based on the philosophy of the solutions (help people feel safe so they can learn, grow, become happy, useful); & last, how to make the philosophy workable & successful when it faces opposition... i stayed in a gorgeous hostel at ft mason in the n. reaches of the city, w/dining rm overlooking sf bay, view of the golden gate bridge, presidio, sf, all just so lovely, w/verdant & safe ocean-breezy jogging paths beneath giant trees, all only $25 (tho the beds were paper thin)... home takes forever on boring I-5, tho less so this morning in golden sunlight, then we had a big family powwow w/my visiting tx cousin & her brood, full of enchiladas, tamales, rice & beans, champagne cake de smith's, embarrassing stories, little cousins running & screaming, loud laughter.
the band had a great & crazy uptempo rehearsal the other day w/wonderful phil on bass & brian paxton & i getting along; it felt like energy was zapping our cans again, & that's nice. i've practiced 2x now w/some nice guys who are looking at putting up a more expert gig, w/the exciting part being full 3-part harmonies. they have their eye on big shows, professional musicianship, & this unnerves me a bit since i'm adrenaline & little polish, but for now, i love the rich harmonies, which thrill to the bone: it's pleasing, plus doubles the music i get to experience... listening to npr this am, i learned this wk to watch for ronnie spector & patti smith, both going into the R&R Hall of Fame, plus the new stooges LP... if you're lucky enough to be headed for sxsw this yr, tell austin hi for me & drink up all that good music like sunshine & oxygen... for me, this yr it'll be school instead, but this MA program is changing & restoring my life, so i'm all for it, even if i can't wander so congress & guadalupe & sneak into sxsw events like last yr. also, we're going to rockin' 50s in may, & that'll be the living end, bound to be as good as in 02 (www.actionpackedevents.com)... pax et felix tecum, & may you ride joyously thru your day.

champion jack dupree, master on the keys, knew what this world needs, the next rhyme's up to you, i'm through

"When you open up a piano, you see freedom. Nobody can play the white keys and don't play the black keys. You got to mix all these keys together to make harmony. And that's what the whole world needs: Harmony." it's just a dang good quote, so there you go... (part of his story here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Champion_Jack_Dupree)

"well, you can't be my lover, darlin, cause you ain't got the style..."

some people have asked why the band sounds kinda different in these posted songs... this isn't the band: it's just me! ain't that obvious?!?! :) notice the lack of decent guitar & male voice, for one thing, as well as significantly different energy level & production value... thank you for your comments, anyhow - it's fun to think someone as rowdy musically as i am could be construed to be a band! that's how the dusk devils started, after all... anyway, i have been having a blast perpetrating fast & rough songs upon a largely indifferent networld. here is another, an experiment with actual multi-tracking. this is really fun, i tell you! what other sane reason could there be for performing music than to express & transcend, even if it's in the manner of a clumsy, madly grinning, leaping tasmanian devil... "this is it, now, baby, we're gonna have a time tonight..." feliz dias, mis amigos...

ONDOWNTHELINE mp3 ...

FINALLY!!!!!!!! rr bill & count the days

here are some songs i recorded... very lo-fi, i might add... :)

RRBILL-theexgirlfr...

COUNTTHEDAYS theex...

"hapy valentime's day"

it's weird to not be giving a classroom full of kids valentines (or "valentimes," as many of them call them) this year.... i've given out mostly monsters & superheroes cards in past yrs, the simpsons more than once. it's fun to pick them, to address them, to give the extra-special ones to the kids who don't expect them... no kid in my class has ever been left out on v-day (unless religion forbids it): i was the kid who was left out, so i keep my eye on those ones in particular so that they feel someone's rooting for them, too... now that the school district says you can only give students store-bought, "healthy" snacks in schools, i think v-day school parties must be comparatively sad affairs, bereft of homemade frostinged cupcakes, cookies, and cakes dotted with red hots and conversation hearts. poor little kiddies. this standardization trend, including the food that goes into kids' mouths, must end sometime. all big bureaucracies must fall. here's to falling - to the fall of the unchecked powerful, to the falling into love. here's to my valentine, brian, who's one of a kind & has been there for me when i haven't deserved it, & with whom i've learned to be something resembling an adult... sort of... whether you got a special someone today or not, here's to you who read this, too, as well as a homemade valentine. may your life have love, which comes in many forms beyond the romantic (i didn't used to know that). dang, i miss teaching kids... it'll be good to get back.

what a weird & wacky world this is

while many places suffer dissolution, desolation, despair, here, we live by distraction: internet, hollywood, fast food, ipod, iphone, myspace, youtube, a world of fantasy & division: "my people [are] forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people... wear cardigans and drink highballs. We... sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you... play golf and eat hot h'ors d'oeuvres. My people... have pain and degradation. Your people... have stick shifts" (wednesday playing a noramerican native in addams family values). ferinstance, on the butt-end of a mighty cruddy wkend in which i returned from the lone star state to miss the figurative sf bus to school, i felt bummed out, but then noticed that on my little phone i could record stuff (crudely, which is how i do it, anyhow). the doom lifted as i sat at piano with phonelet on record, bashing a serving tray with foot to keep time... it was a release!, & what a crazy, superfluous wonder, to be able to do it. i sent a few friends the results via audio msg, & awesome bloodshot bill msged back for me to send more!, so i made another one...
this helps the world not one iota except that maybe someone reading this will try the site below - you can upload phone msgs to your blog, so i did. my gosh, i felt just swell after all that nonsense. the distractions i have nowadays enable me to live in a near-constant heightened, fantastic, virtual state, by techno proxy, were i not tied to respiration, sustenance, & elimination... oh well. pounding music & the ridiculous giddiness of uploading the scratchy, terrible recordings to this blog (what a lotta work figuring THAT out) distracted me from my own pity-party for a bit, & in that, enable me to go out tomorrow & do something worth a darn. maybe... quoth pogo, "i have met the enemy and he are us." happy week to all who read this.

Gabcast! luddite in the 21st century #4 - Count the Days - Piano Red & #3 - This is It - The Blasters

recorded thru cell phone - keys, voice, foot-stomp

elvis show slide show, whisk away them texas blues

these are some unedited photos by ron jones, www.ronjones.org, from the recent elvis show in hollywood (including my protruding undershirt in shots with blasters, & all of our ddevils double chins) ... email ron at his site to see all 300+ photos (& read his fitness tips). thanks to ron for being there & to art fein for having us. go to www.youtube.com & search Dusk Devils for a partial-sound representation of our set, as well as of others who played... wise words for the day: what does not kill us makes us stronger... and thank the good lord for that g*d*m rock&roll, which along with doggies & a few other things makes this life tolerable.

his favorite song was "precious lord"

yesterday, my union invited me to a breakfast to celebrate dr MLK jr's birthday. the mlk center here was packed with people of many backgrounds, good hearty food, politicians playing nice with each other, & several tall, tall men in good suits who were honored. i saw a friend i'd lost touch with whose dad wrote beach boys songs - she was happy & obviously doing just fine, filming for local tv with a camera the size of a morris mini... a certain pretty young assemblywoman with flashy smile, asked to speak about dr king's legacy, talked about herself. dolores huerta commented that we're all here to celebrate, but what can each of us do in our own lives to make change? it's nice to sit here and remember, but what can you do personally? : "si, se puede." dolores huerta did not draw attention to herself gratuitously, for her message, which she carried humbly, was what was important. others, redolent of american idol contestants heady with the thought, "it's all about me," would do well to take note...
the high pt was when a small, smartly-dressed, dark brown woman with close-cropped hair came out & began to sing: from her mouth came startling, powerful, effortless, & moving song on par (i thought) with any of the best gospel singers i've heard on records... i was proud to find out she used to be a teacher at a school i used to work at, in the same overgrown, underfunded, maddeningly top-heavy district. her name is wanetta crenshaw. tellingly, there's not one word online about wanetta crenshaw if you google her, whereas there are many pages about fools such as i... again, great people don't need to grandstand; they're just great. i'd do well to pay attention, but monkey-mind & flying keyboard fingers prohibit me from exhibiting much composure a lot of the time... oh well. that doesn't mean i can't continue to look for heroes, & finding them, be inspired by people like sra huerta & mizz crenshaw.

"just the thought of her lips sets me afire, i reminisce & i'm filled with desire..." such a night at elvis show

"such a night, oh what a night it was, it really was such a night"...(me and phil alvin - photo by jerry adonis angel)... i think my expression here might be called a "s**t-eating grin," and the makeup's definitely melted... but look who i'm standing with!! who cares??? ... we visited cody in hollywood and dined on kombucha and curry at a vegetarian spot, then it was on to art fein's 21st elvis birthday show at the henry fonda/musicbox on hollywood blvd... here's the line-up (if no comment, i was in the john or wandering): Harry Orlove (bearish, awesome house guitarist); Neil Morrow; Fleagles (friendly 60s garage rock); Truly Lover Trio (uptempo rockabilly); Billy Sheets (powerful, natural, southern-gentleman mien); Dawn Shipley (slender, lovely, girlishly winning singer); Crash Justice ("circus-big" basso-voiced rockacat in good suit); Justin Curtis (awesome honky-tonk set-let with wonderful houseband, including fantastic skip edwards, marty rifkin, dave raven); Del Casher (told charming elvis story); Dusk Devils (not many flubs, great audience reaction, huge fun playing with bassist phil!); Count Smokula (and the smokulettes: me, roobie breastnut, and charmaine - an impromptu lark!); Rod and The Tonemasters; Crown City Bombers; Fur and Steve (pretty country vocalizing); Fred Willard - (the king! he did the cape thing and all); Russell Scott (he dresses like heehaw, & what soul! sang in his light voice, didn't play); Carlos Guitarlos (awesome! i just loved his heartfelt shout singing and woolly chuck berry guitar); Lisa Finnie; Patty Booker (in the ghetto!); Lori Dewitt (this was the showstopper! i was in the can, dang it); Rip Masters (rip -appropriately named - just kills on those 88s! good god!); Candye Kane (SHE WASN'T THERE!!!!!!!!); Sheiks of Shake; Barry Holdship (art says he's a surgeon by day! this guy has the nicest stage presence, very appealing); Glen Glenn; Alan Clark; Tommy Sands (these were the historical high points of the show); Danny Blitz (fast, loud); Blasters (they get their own paragraph)... the blasters closed out the show with three tunes. "i know we are here because this is the birthday of elvis presley," proclaimed phil. "however, there are other things that are important. and sometimes you have to do what you have to do..." (or something like that) and then he lunged into "please please please"! i was standing with paul body (stoutly elegant in mariachi formal-wear) and we started jumping up and down and laughing, "that is one confident S.O.B.!!" : the whitest fellow in the room screaming and sobbing out, with entire conviction and success, a james brown classic at an elvis birthday show... it was wonderful, needless to say (but i said it :) ). next was "tiger man" (rufus thomas), which they have done the last three years, and finally, "such a night," originally done by the drifters. so like what we 1/2 did, the blasters did elvis songs not originally done by elvis... "down in the alley" was hank ballard and the midnighters - a nice fellow who declared "i'm your fan" told me originally the clovers.
such a night! exciting, fun, and, as you can see, educational. :) late-late night at denny's on the grapevine, dishing pancakes, the waitress suddenly was talking jazz pianists and live music, then we were back on the road and in a groggy blur were home, heads on pillows by 4 am. thanks again, art! i know you don't do it for me, but i get to be part, and it was wonderful, once again. :)

deficit omne quod nasciture

rest in peace, my childhood friend, a bright, big-eyed girl who in her adult life became, i believe, defeated; and rest in peace, my favorite childhood teacher, a talented musician, a noble soul, a vietnam veteran, a drunk. marcus aurelius kept a journal of thoughts on life & death ("meditations"):
1. Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.
2. Despise not death, but welcome it, for nature wills it like all else.
3. Everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that which will be.
4. Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. 5. Forward, as occasion offers. Never look round to see whether any shall note it... Be satisfied with success in even the smallest matter, and think that even such a result is no trifle.
6. It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.
7. Look within. Within is the fountain of good, and it will ever bubble up, if thou wilt ever dig.
8. Loss is nothing else but change, and change is Nature's delight.
9. Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts.
10. The act of dying is one of the acts of life.
11. When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.
12. Where a man can live, he can also live well.