blooody fingers!!!!!! "you got to go to de-well to get to de-water"

i'm practicing wine spo-dee-o-dee, the JLL version, & ripping my fingernails off on the glissandos, so i went to the mountain & emailed gene taylor just now for pianny advise... i'd email carl sonny leyland, too, cept he already gave me his suggestions ("everyone's fingers are different"), so i'd be embarrassed to ask for more specific help than he already offered... the time has come for me to put in serious hours PRACTICING, not just playing for fun, like learning to hammer on & watch that right hand, as carl said to do. the buck owens songs we're doing, otherwise, have lotsa nice singing but little drive. i know i can be better than i've been, & w/o brian paxton's wall of shredding rockabilly guitar, i'm left naked to actually have to play!
i guess it's good i'm having to learn to play better. heck knows i got the exhilarated slouch thing down pretty well. re that, i think i will bill myself for Tammy's Birthday/Wake at Narducci's as "jenny angel & her four appendages"... she requested "funnel of love" & "mean mean man," so yessir, i've gottem down -- bloodshot bill emailed encouragement & said "ain't nothin' punker than a piano-pumping chick stompin' her foot!"
i am blessed to be in such company, even cyberly. :) and i really like my new job!! :) even the stinkers - they just need some kind attention & firm direction, i think. i really like middle-schoolers, too. :) maybe i'm crazy... but actually, i think it's just the fool bone-deep teacher talking. it's in my blood, like love & music & words. :) the lovely lunch lady is dutch, reminding me of my old friend femke from putten, & she's reviewing with me many dutch phrases in her cute accent, so i say to all, "goedenacht," and may you have all the green m&m's.

"well, my hometown's a-comin in sight / if you think i'm happy, you're right / 6 days on the road & i'm gonna make it home tonight"

last wk i once & for all finished the thesis (now 240 pgs) while our friend dan's crew redid the backyard... fri practiced w/old 99, learning new buck owens & other honky-tonk songs w/friends who remind me of a quote i just read about the simpsons: whimsical yet irreverently moral. then drove even further out west of town for late-night dinner w/oldest family friends... sat left 4 am for sf for school at new college (drawing to an end so now, of course, tho it's driven me crazy up til now, i'm missing it something awful! boohoo!!!), picked up marathon gear, did school all day, dinner at tommasso's... sun got up at 5 am & did the san francisco (1/2) marathon to celebrate several life-markers: completion of masters-school-thesis, return to work, & birthday! never done a long-distance run - what a kick! if you haven't, you oughta try one! (bakersfield's is in november.) beautiful highlights: the starting line city of runners cheered on by bell-ringing spectators in the pre-dawn dark of the embarcadero; running thru pier 39 area, 1st water stop, 1st murmurs of dawn; the uphill route behind ft mason hostel, w/fragrant trees on left & ocean on the right; getting into a nice tempo along the fog-enshrouded golden gate bridge & looking into faces of other runners as they pounded from the opposite direction; saying hi to clean-&-sober pathfinders who helped the cops & remembered san jose jack (r.i.p.); staying hydrated w/cytomax & gel & never getting cramps or sick, as a result; hitting mile 10 after long uphill & realizing I'M GONNA FINISH!! then the gorgeous gray-misty crest & wide downhiill view, opening out over the amazing city: exhilarating!; hitting golden gate pk to roaring crowds (not for me, but still! i was part of it! what a rush!), then seeing the finish line & finally full-out running for it, finishing the thing in a tremendous swell of endorphin-happiness & gratitude, grateful that my lungs, muscles, shoes & feet held out & already looking forward to doing another one! what a wonderful, wonderful experience... happy bd to me (& laurel, too)!... after that, my folks & i (it was mom's bd, too!) lunched w/my stepson & then the day receded into fatigue-blur... mon, really stiff & sore, got home @ 4 pm to call from hubby: he & his motorcycle had broke down -- in st george, utah! so grabbed a shower, hobbled to truck & went & got him thru wind & desert cloud-bursts & storm patches & glimmery black night, got into st geo about 1 am (2 am ut-time), came home to pick up "the boys" (doggies), who turns out trashed our friend's yard, so that was a whole other jobber getting that all cleaned up, & BOY IS IT GOOD TO BE HOME NOW! - tho i'm sad we won't see friends & family & all the gorgeous mysterious southwest beauty of the summer motorcycle trip, i know also it obviously wasn't meant to be this time around... and at this point, i'm DONE WITH EVERYTHING except going back to work!! whoopee!!! :) like the old cajun-hot sauce commercial used to sing, "a hot chili mama... hot chili mama, ma-ma-ma, hot chili maa-maaa... life is goooood." :)

pretty little angel eyes pretty little angel eyes pretty little angel pretty little angel pretty little angel eyes... more blablabla!

(curtis lee & the halos, phil spector, producer, a tune 1000s of females like me used to hear from beaus.) just read art fein's updated page at www.sofein.com (some thought-provoking & also funny stuff - read the ones about bob barker & the dif betw lyrics & music!)... 1st there's his monthly "1st record/1st show" page. this month's - very interesting! well-written! nostalgic! then you get to the bottom & holy crud - it was written by art's friend, "the greatest record producer in the world," phil spector!! then right below this is my name & a link to the "rockin 50s report"! the proximity threw me a tad, & so i write about it, cause greg goodsell & i met lana clarkson, the actress who died in spector's house, just the day before the shooting, at a monster movie-vamp convention down south. i remember thinking, wow! skin-tight leopard outfit & big leopard cowboy hat, very blondly glamorous-beautiful & polite & friendly, & next day, she's dead... the "connection" means nothing, but i still can't help but feel just a little weird & sad. elsewhere on art's page are pix of the band i saw down south, 3 balls of fire, plus THE original BLASTERS!!!! i had gone down (i thought) to see them, but that didn't work out, then 4 days later, i find out they're playing that night in hollywood... drat! just couldn't make the drive again, last sec like that. then art reported the blasters show had no "magic" & "lots of tension" betw the alvin bros, so guess i got lucky, catching a moody, spirited, dramatic 3BOF show w/net buddies instead of a sour blasters show. that would've been a real bummer!... one-woman band update: thx to captain morgan, local musico, i got a high-hat stand: whatta guy! this young punk gal stokely earlier sold me a couple other drum pieces, & i had the bass drum from ex-dusk devils bassist philbeaux, so there you go. i've got about 5 songs worked up so far. it's a dang challenge, trying to get the boom-chicks vs chick-booms right while playing piano & singing, but i think i'll be able to do it. then i go on the road w/3 chord whore... hahaha!! :) & bloodshot bill & i have a date for 2011, when he can come back in the u.s. i've gotten many kind comments here, on myspace, bakotopia, email re my 2 songs at scott's memorial. as a pal told me, re the one-gal band, "maybe you're on to something here"... who knows? never hurts trying!
in short, w/progress coming big-time on thesis (i think it's gonna clock 150-200 pgs!!), upcoming debut show w/old 99 pending, & wonderful family festivities yesterday & fellowshipping today, this 4th of july week has been bless-ed. :) my sponsor calls herself "the luckiest woman in the world," & today i really knew how a person can feel that for herself. it's not an exclusive feeling, either - you, also, can be the luckiest person in your own world, & i can be happy for you & share in it. we both are bettered in the realization. :) vaya con dios, mis amigos y amigas!!!

oh, professor, you're full of whimsy!! www.old99.net

-> "well, it's midnight, & i wanna go home / driving union avenue all alone / eucalyptus trees frame the old moon / i'm in a terrible place, i don't know what to do / so i'm driving into bakersfield / motels line the avenue wide / broken dreams, old places, neon signs / this town used to be so grand, old 99 was big buck land / & i'm driving into bakersfield" ... that's part of a near-rhyme tune i wrote several years back, about driving & crying & loving-hating bakersfield, & was pt of the dusk devils' genesis... a happy turn is my newest band is called OLD 99! our drummer recently went to the rob's house & laid down about 8-9 drums tracks for songs, then in a burst of enthusiasm, came home & made a bunch of whimsical pictures. (thelma todd: oh professor, you're full of whimsy! groucho: you can tell from over there? that always happens when i eat radishes. - Horse Feathers) this is my favorite, capturing the appropriate way i feel we should approach this musical project, which has been increasingly exciting. (too, i have happy memories of going to big boy w/auntie rita & my sister & cousins.) it's all for fun - nothing lasts - don't take yourself so dang seriously (rule 62) - whee!
-> soon enough, there'll be the equivalent of an LP's worth of music available on the band website at www.old99.net . the music's mostly honky-tonk w/emphasis on harmony singing, also some old R&R, rockabilly, R&B, & softer stuff, which i'm really having to get used to. i think i can, since the fellers are so generous in spirit. so far, old 99's been a welcome & unexpectedly nice surprise.
-> feliz fin de semana to all who read this. :)

they're coming to take me away, haha, hoho, heehee... "the only proof he needed for the existence of god was music" plus a few little gush-fests

BREATHLESS exgirlf...

-> R.I.P. kurt vonnegut, the (i think, dang it!) eternally hopeful and quotable: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/k/kurt_vonnegut.html
and http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Kurt_Vonnegut ...
-> art fein, who sent me a copy of "man w/o a country" last yr, told me last month that his girl was researching vonnegut & desired his j-hancock (i wrote about kesey at her age, but he already was pushing up daisies) & he actually GOT IT for her... what good timing for the young lady. who knows - maybe she will be one to help carry on the spirit of such outraged, brave, & humane satirists.
-> lately my research has taken a happy turn & i've become hopeful that young folks may save this world, w/the social networking revolution perhaps being a good sign that they want to commune & be involved & the volunteer soldiers who persevere despite inadequate federal support evidence of the driving, inner voice, which manifests itself uniquely, but seems to come from a common & benevolent source. specifically, my stepson, quite the party boy, also does engineers w/o borders & is becoming involved in a green engineering project; young local activists & punks do food not bombs, feeding the homeless, every sunday at noon at central park; my 13-yr old niece, who seems to have eyes only for manga, has a benevolent, fully-formed, animistic spiritual belief at an age when all i wanted was candy, mad magazine, movies, & piano... i think beyond the youtube narcissism & foisted, all-pervasive celebrity-consumption culture, our young people look to be better than we are so far, more other-directed, less vision-obscured (or maybe less dualistic? more accepting of "difference"?), more engaged.
-> well, i woke up too late & piddled around & missed an apt this am, so here is what i did instead, more crude & peppy solo music. brian p & phil are gonna go play this wkend, so i didn't practice w/them yesterday (i'll be at school this wkend - no sense in me being there last nite wasting time when they could've been readying for sat), so i hope that's fruitful for them...
-> in my new band, old 99, www.old99.net , we're doing stuff like 3-part harmony & slick playing, but then when i listen back, i don't barf at all, it's kinda like when i sang choir years ago - whatta pleasure to be a part of a bigger, effusive, team kind of spirit!... then, bonus, the other day we did a chuck berry medley that was swell: i thought, good gracious, wow, WOW!, if we can have this energy level here & there, i'm home!!! the occasional slow or poppy song, well, i guess i can hang w/it. i like that everything's coming from a traditional C&W kinda base rather than anything more "modern," too: this band definitely respects the roots. rob even wants to do some zydeco stuff. yahoo! and there's none of that fake middle-class bluesman stuff that really is gross... we have some recordings down, but they asked we use them for practice, not public, even tho they sound 100x better than what i do alone. (however, i'm realizing how blest i am to get to do it all - the crude & wild alone stuff; the rocknroll duskdevils stuff; the crystal palace-kinda old99 stuff)... a person has to keep trying & occasionally realizing, don't you think? vonnegut's great words: "If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED / FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD / WAS MUSIC" .. ah-men.

happy to be living, obsessed: chicken, waffles, toxic sodapop fuel the monkey

first of all, we all lost another friend the other day. he was lucky, maybe, to go very suddenly, but still, how sad (especially for my hubby, w/whom he was friends; i know b admired j very much, like everyone did). j was taken too early... he was one of two people i recall from '91, when i lived every day in a sick & altered state & yet couldn't see why i had such blasted bad luck. thru then-called-kernview hospital, i wound up at the drunk club (didn't come back til '95) & the smiling, rangy-athletic fellow w/the buzzed, prematurely-grayed hair helped make me feel at home. may he rest in peace, sweet soul that he was. i know he will be well-remembered; we wish his family solace.
i know it's saddest for us still living when we lose someone... being a friend of bill w's means i have more camaraderie & fellowship than i ever could've possibly dreamed, but then loved ones go, suddenly or slowly, here & there, & it stinks each time, but it's life. i know soon enough i'll be shuffling off myself, so i guess the best thing is just to stay with the herd, appreciate & love people while we're here, & try to remember them gratefully & reverently, not sadly & self-centeredly, when they leave.
maybe i'll be so lucky, but i guess that part doesn't matter... remember marcus aurelius, so noble, writing repeatedly that one must act & live from a place of one's own truth, w/o worrying about the condemnations of others, & how the 1st book in his "meditations" pays loving homage to his many role models... he obviously was a man who loved & appreciated many, but knew not to pay unnecessary heed to critics & those lacking vision.
on to the mundanities of life: today, dedicated to polishing off part 3 of my thesis (been at it all wk & sick of it), i sat at the computer for 9 hrs & embarked on a strict regimen of chicken & waffles (a whole essay could be written on this alone, but i'll spare everyone), swashing it down w/a particularly creepy yet delicious sodapop, maybe even deadlier-better than diet big red, called diet pepsi jazz caramel creme... do you think the ingredients of such a potion could fit on the side of a train car? but hi-dee-ho: let's have another can.
that the paper's done & i still live is a really nice deal. :) there's all kindsa music stuff to attend to, especially w/my new band "old 99" (those fellows really want to get stuff started asap... i do wish it were that way w/dusk devils, but not for now, i guess). i have been a little negligent in my saintly duties, as well, but it all has had to wait cause i have had research monkey brain (haven't even been sleeping lately; too many ideas sloshing around in the noggin). by 3 pm, i had birthed another 18-pg paper & it was jig time. we're supposed to turn in 8 pages by april 14, and i've written 42. my thesis is up to over 60. i am very pleased!!! overachieving is necessary in this context; i won't get done by august, otherwise. (btw, i found out guitarist keith wyatt went to new college!!) the toxic chemicals, i guess, help, in the short run (tho kill in the long, but what the hey, let's play play play). not to mention obsession... productively funneled, the latter can be quite a boon. :) (P.S. - tho roscoe's down south has the world's best, dope-wonderful chicken & waffles, J's Southern here in town serves them, too... j's is finger-licking good stuff, dang worth it, on ming avenue, but tho lisa paxton - I MISS LISA!!! - knows the name of the cross-street, i don't.)