first of all, we all lost another friend the other day. he was lucky, maybe, to go very suddenly, but still, how sad (especially for my hubby, w/whom he was friends; i know b admired j very much, like everyone did). j was taken too early... he was one of two people i recall from '91, when i lived every day in a sick & altered state & yet couldn't see why i had such blasted bad luck. thru then-called-kernview hospital, i wound up at the drunk club (didn't come back til '95) & the smiling, rangy-athletic fellow w/the buzzed, prematurely-grayed hair helped make me feel at home. may he rest in peace, sweet soul that he was. i know he will be well-remembered; we wish his family solace.
i know it's saddest for us still living when we lose someone... being a friend of bill w's means i have more camaraderie & fellowship than i ever could've possibly dreamed, but then loved ones go, suddenly or slowly, here & there, & it stinks each time, but it's life. i know soon enough i'll be shuffling off myself, so i guess the best thing is just to stay with the herd, appreciate & love people while we're here, & try to remember them gratefully & reverently, not sadly & self-centeredly, when they leave.
maybe i'll be so lucky, but i guess that part doesn't matter... remember marcus aurelius, so noble, writing repeatedly that one must act & live from a place of one's own truth, w/o worrying about the condemnations of others, & how the 1st book in his "meditations" pays loving homage to his many role models... he obviously was a man who loved & appreciated many, but knew not to pay unnecessary heed to critics & those lacking vision.
on to the mundanities of life: today, dedicated to polishing off part 3 of my thesis (been at it all wk & sick of it), i sat at the computer for 9 hrs & embarked on a strict regimen of chicken & waffles (a whole essay could be written on this alone, but i'll spare everyone), swashing it down w/a particularly creepy yet delicious sodapop, maybe even deadlier-better than diet big red, called diet pepsi jazz caramel creme... do you think the ingredients of such a potion could fit on the side of a train car? but hi-dee-ho: let's have another can.
that the paper's done & i still live is a really nice deal. :) there's all kindsa music stuff to attend to, especially w/my new band "old 99" (those fellows really want to get stuff started asap... i do wish it were that way w/dusk devils, but not for now, i guess). i have been a little negligent in my saintly duties, as well, but it all has had to wait cause i have had research monkey brain (haven't even been sleeping lately; too many ideas sloshing around in the noggin). by 3 pm, i had birthed another 18-pg paper & it was jig time. we're supposed to turn in 8 pages by april 14, and i've written 42. my thesis is up to over 60. i am very pleased!!! overachieving is necessary in this context; i won't get done by august, otherwise. (btw, i found out guitarist keith wyatt went to new college!!) the toxic chemicals, i guess, help, in the short run (tho kill in the long, but what the hey, let's play play play). not to mention obsession... productively funneled, the latter can be quite a boon. :) (P.S. - tho roscoe's down south has the world's best, dope-wonderful chicken & waffles, J's Southern here in town serves them, too... j's is finger-licking good stuff, dang worth it, on ming avenue, but tho lisa paxton - I MISS LISA!!! - knows the name of the cross-street, i don't.)
tomorrow, happy bd to dear little laurel & to me... our dear sweet mama had her bd just last wk. my family is specifically leo- & generally summer-heavy birthday-wise: more than 10 between july & sept 1st.
