life, beautiful life, tilting at windmills, bibliophilia, sailor mouths, blablablablabbing

decided to make the below its own post - what a lovely, moving poem, from one of my most favorite books, "earth prayers from around the world"... two more i liked last night (this morning? we were up reading & i think the blush of dawn was rising, too) were from whitman & thich nhat hanh, the latter whom i learned about while in a NM hospital 2 or so yrs ago... just spoke to a beautiful young woman who also was there & found out one of the youngest gals there died in november. so, so sad. i consoled the beautiful young woman as best i could from afar; she said she just wanted to talk to someone who "knew her." then we agreed that being married is rough at times, but that we both love it. "we are the lucky ones," i said, & she agreed, not just because we're still alive & getting past certain problemos, but that we each have the chance to have ever-more-fulfilling lives... lately, tho, my stubbornness has brought my already-generally-uncooperative mind much grouchy warring about a cell phone i purchased from walmart months back & refuse to admit is a piece of crap. the upside is, since i've been too mulish to reactivate service (weird verbiage! a phone is not a soldier!), & therefore've been unable to access facebook (our privacy settings are super-stringent), i've been reading a lot more! yes, tech deprivation has turned me back to books. thank you! at long beach's enormous $1 bookstore (housed in an old border's at the pike shopping mall), i picked up the most fascinating thing i've read in a long while, "born to run," a nimble, wild, entertaining, &, as you might guess, highly engrossing chronicle of a journalist's immersion in tarahumara & ultra-running & superathlete culture... what a treasure! one dollar! ...james told me jokingly, "don't tell anybody -- i've got a reputation to uphold," but we got our library cards recently & so now can check books out from the vast, wealthy, so, so nice huntington beach branch, which mom and dad have yet to see. when they do, they will plotz! this library has not just a gift shop & book sale the size of a small bookstore, but an eatery/study area & art gallery. when 1st i went there, i copped a resentment, as my brain is initially wont to do about things i perceive to boast "privilege," but now i just feel grateful to be able to utilize this wonderful, free, PUBLIC resource while we live in this area (sort of on this topic, here are many fine quotes from awesome author & lifelong library advocate ray bradbury)... back to the poem book, one that caused me pause was from an iroquois prayer, the 1st words of each line being "we return thanks': the flora & fauna of the natural world already have thanked us w/their bountiful beauty!... the whitman poem is about the purity & preferability of animals to humans & is from "song of myself" (it's probably easy to find, or maybe you already know it); the thich nhat hanh poem's first lines describe awakening & considering the next 24 hours, being thankful for them, reminding me of a dalai lama scroll i bought once on an ill-advised trip to berkeley: in retrospect, i see that the reassuring & lovely scroll, which now hangs in our mountain-house bedroom, is the reason i ended up going on that bad-juju disaster-misadventure at all. don't you agree that from every dark comes light, be it a stranger's smile on a blue day, a penny on the asphalt on the heels of bad news, the reassuring murmur of a familiar voice or birdsong when down-in-the-dumps, the sight of a dog playing or being walked, all of these moments of blessing/reprieve from morbid reflection reminding one in low spirits to eat, to speak one's mind, to get some rest, or to otherwise use the tools allowing return to sanity & gratitude?
from the other room just came a resoundingly bellowed f-word, making me laugh: jamesjr has died while playing one of his many video games. :) interaction around here's getting ever-cozier; how wonderful it was to hear the jameses howling w/laughter from downstairs as i wrote; they were watching jim jeffries, the foul-mouthed australian comedian-nihilist. i went down to say hello & was blasted w/such profanity from tv & from father & son, i dashed back upstairs; sh*t! what a bunch of sailors!... happy for their bonding. happy to write. to read. to love. to have yet another chance to do a better job at this thing called life.

thanks

Thanks by W. S. Merwin
Listen
with the night falling we are saying thank you
we are stopping on the bridges to bow from the railings
we are running out of the glass rooms
with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
and say thank you
we are standing by the water thanking it
smiling by the windows looking out
in our directions

back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
after funerals we are saying thank you
after the news of the dead
whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you

over telephones we are saying thank you
in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
remembering wars and the police at the door
and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
in the banks we are saying thank you
in the faces of the officials and the rich
and of all who will never change
we go on saying thank you thank you

with the animals dying around us
our lost feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster than the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of a brain
with the cities growing over us
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
we are saying thank you and waving
dark though it is

stepmonster, fambly, chain down the world 'cause here he comes...

i was a stepmom for 14 yrs to a young man whom i did not raise (he was w/his mother in another town several hrs away) & didn't see much. i was always nice to him, tho i now can see i was myopic & self-centered, not capable of much better at that time. when i realized my error, he graciously allowed me to speak w/him & then even more graciously accepted my amends, so today am grateful he & i have friendly interaction, in spite of me... today i got to speak to him by phone for a good spell & concluded he's quite a fellow, a happy & successful adult who himself will be married this yr!... yes, this day turned into quite a nice one. i'd promised my new stepson we'd do something on his day off, so we took off to the movies while his dad recuperated from a 5-show week... we got lost, watched a pretty darned scary flick we both enjoyed, then went on an adventure walk, ending up at a ridiculously swanky mall where we made ourselves sick on dessert at a tacky jungle-themed restaurant, sampled fancy tea, looked at toys, then luxuriated in brookstone ultra-fancy massage chairs for 15-20 mins, giggling & moaning & agreeing we didn't feel one bit guilty for hogging the chairs. we brought home fast food for james, who was finally awake & seeming better-rested, watched futurama & ate the tasty crap, & now i just wanted to chronicle the eve before climbing in w/my dear husband, under brand new sheets, even. he, once the guy who never slumbered, but instead stayed up for days at a run then passed out in painful & miserable oblivion, sleeps peacefully as i type. his gentle burring & breathing & murmuring make such lovely music. and isn't that just one more wonderful quality of james's?: he doesn't even snore! :D ... last night, a fan who proudly told me he used to buy james wild turkey the moment he walked in the door came up & said, "i noticed james isn't drinking. what can i buy him?" i was touched by his solicitude. on break, he told james, "i'm so proud of you, brother, so happy for you! you sound great, you look better than i've ever seen you. what's next?" james said, what do you mean? "i mean, i've followed in your footsteps this far. what's the next chapter gonna be for all of us?" james, always a powerful influence on so many, now finds himself leading people toward light instead of dark. scores of people've expressed their happiness for us, for him, for the direction his life's taking, & how wonderful, i told james last night & he agreed, that our happiness seems to be having such a positive influence on those we know or who just know of us (but especially him because he is the celebrity in this partnership)... for james, this quote from george elliot: "blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul upon another" as well as emerson: "who shall set a limit to the influence of a human being?" the good springing from this situation already is tremendous. we look forward to each day, and may you, as well.

pre-honeymoon

we tried to get to the mountain home last wk, but were diverted off I-5 by snow. we ended up at the rock inn in lake hughes where we got snowed in, anyhow. the rustic, funky, remote old spot made for a nice prehoneymoon trip. he calls this 1st photo "jenny and the ghost of lee van cleef." (he is about to blow smoke.) this one, he says, shows "mister & missus page adventuring." to me it shows two people who're finally getting a chance to fully live & love & love life.

on how life seems to get more beautiful as one approaches antiquity

- some things, as a soul gets older, they just get more interesting. like flora & fauna. like poems. i just had no interest in any of that in my youth. even as a young teacher, i'd go fast when teaching about animals. imagine that: kids love animals. in that respect, i must admit i wasn't much of a teacher.
- in other ways, i can look back & see i was quite a teacher. i was good w/kids. i like kids genuinely, a genetic blessing from folks who were teachers who like kids genuinely (no, humankind in general). heck, i even like teens, even when they invariably infuriate w/their myopic ways (mama always reminds, "they're not DONE yet," like she means a cake in the oven)... & back before NCLB, we did art & music in my classrooms, & lots of writing, & i got to turn kids on to ancient civilizations, stories & novels, math tricks, conundrums, cartooning, mnemonics, even mozart & spike jones during daily writers' workshop. and when i was a librarian for a while, the middle-schoolers knew i played music, so i got to be a role model w/o blowing my own horn (which would've been a hideous thing to do), just be me & hold up my head & show up for work & try hard & be good to the kids & dress in my kinda eccentric manner & order cool books for them to read & talk w/them & comfort them & laugh w/them & admonish them where necessary... god, that was the greatest job, even w/my personal life at that time in utter ruin...
- now here it is just a few short yrs later: this different life! no teaching these days, but much curiosity about life, & enthusiasm & inspiration, even gusto, shared w/my dear husband... we've not been apart for 4 months! -- but someone had to go check on the mountain house of a billion stars & fresh lungfuls of air & snow-speckled mountains, our magical mountain house!, so i did while he this wk plays his heart & soul out every single night because he is so well-loved, talented, dedicated, the ultimate frontman & entertainer... james can shake a gig out of a coconut tree, i think. and those coconuts want catchin! yes, he goes out there & finds the work. i guess musicians who've told me there's no scene anymore, no work, no pay lack james's drive & charisma... people want to see him perform! he & i & maybe you, too, know this world is beautiful, despite its frailties & human failings & horrors, even; however, tho we all know energy in=energy out, i don't know if this world on-balance is fair. but if it is, james'll accomplish all he desires. he is that strong in body, mind & soul now... unstoppable! a giant star waiting to shine for all to see. my husband. the inimitable.
- he just called for the 21st time today & i've been summoned home. "i miss my wife!" he says. wow! i'd been thinking the same about him! so i will finish my visit w/beloved family & friends & trek on back so that we may together sleep, rest, dream, plagued by nightmares no more. (well, here & there, but that's just human, or a headache, or too much ice cream or pickles or pizza right before bed.)... alluding to sleep & dream reminds me now of hamlet, & how little i know about the bard, & how little formal education has to do w/intelligence cause here i sit w/3.5 college degrees & james w/none, yet he, self-made man, self-educated brightness, is the one who can well-recite swaths of shakespeare from memory, including "to be or not to be..." ... some writers, i just love how they combine such beauty & such heartache, despair, even squalor, leaving me exhilarated, on the verge of tears, baffled, happy to be alive, enervated, contemplative, sad, grateful, amazed. this kinda thing is part of why we both love bukowski so much (whom i CAN quote a bit), tho we no longer hang out at buk's reno room in long beach like we did cause, well, neither one of us now "never [sic] drink... vine." this reminds me, the terrific bio "born into this" is now on netflix. it features my old teacher neeli, even, neeli, swell prof when i was getting my MA in san francisco, shambling, near-sighted, scruffy soul who in his youth had been a pal of bukowski's... (insert singing figures from small world ride...) ok, have gotten too fragmented now, so how bout a few beautiful poems for you, dear reader, & for my beloved husband?
MAMIE by carl sandburg
MAMIE beat her head against the bars of a little Indiana/ town and dreamed of romance and big things off/ somewhere the way the railroad trains all ran./ She could see the smoke of the engines get lost down/ where the streaks of steel flashed in the sun and/ when the newspapers came in on the morning mail/ she knew there was a big Chicago far off, where all/ the trains ran./ She got tired of the barber shop boys and the post office/ chatter and the church gossip and the old pieces the/ band played on the Fourth of July and Decoration Day/ And sobbed at her fate and beat her head against the/ bars and was going to kill herself/ When the thought came to her that if she was going to/ die she might as well die struggling for a clutch of/ romance among the streets of Chicago./ She has a job now at six dollars a week in the basement/ of the Boston Store/ And even now she beats her head against the bars in the/ same old way and wonders if there is a bigger place/ the railroads run to from Chicago where maybe/ there is/
romance/ and big things/ and real dreams/ that never go smash.
Sonnet 116: Let me not to the marriage of true minds by silliam shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds/ Admit impediments. Love is not love/ Which alters when it alteration finds,/ Or bends with the remover to remove./ O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark/ That looks on tempests and is never shaken;/ It is the star to every wand'ring bark,/ Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken./ Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks/ Within his bending sickle's compass come;/ Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,/ But bears it out even to the edge of doom./ If this be error and upon me proved,/ I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

the creature & his sleep-deprived bride (& embarrassed teen) belatedly face the new year

james told me he'd never made a gingerbread house, so i got one on clearance post-yuletide, & the other day we made it, deciding we'd do one each year, and maybe many times a year (valentines house, easter house, halloween house, just-for-sh*ts house, etc). decorating was fun! tho jamesjr wouldn't appear in these photos w/us (gee, wonder why?), he later that eve joined us for gingerbread party. the house was delightfully, unexpectedly scrumptious. :)

existence, life, death, rebirth

we just hung up in our bedroom james' mother's mirror, a beautiful old thing w/dark wood & leaded glass. all of his mother's possessions that james has had are displayed lovingly in this house; thru decades of wildness & chaos, he held on to these precious items -- they MUST be part of our home, not relegated to garage like garbage. today is the day 22 yrs ago his beloved mother passed away, so tho i never got to meet her, i post here to honor her. she sounds like she was quite a provider, beauty,... & character, too -- of course she was, being james's mama! :D ...yesterday, i just found out, huell howser died. such sad news! i got to meet him just one time, & his was the biggest hand i've ever shook! he was friendly, folksy, hale, just like his tv image... james, stronger & more sober daily, went to the garage to get tools to hang the mirror & came back practically leaping & bursting, reporting he'd had a spiritual experience. he & jamesjr now are gathered in son's room, hanging shelves bought for the boy by his generous aunt & yakking away w/great animation (well, sr is... jr is more staid, but he sounds happier lately, for which i'm grateful). life for james & i just keeps improving; he's on the cover of the latest southland blues magazine, & paragraph three mentions our love being a strong force in his new life of creativity & happiness. i was touched they mentioned "us" at all... the best part is, i've not tried to change james at all. when i realized how much we loved one another, i made a decision: i must accept him as-is, w/no expectations. he has decided, unsolicitedly, to make all the positive changes that he has... wow. life is wonderful. who knows what will be next? great, good, speed bump, crash, one thing i know: this life contains no indifference, no apathy, no cynicism, just a lot of hope -- for all of us as well as for our loved ones... heck, even for this world.
i post these pix cause we were at my folks' watching huell howser when they were taken. we look somber, but more likely we were near-unconscious from caloric overload... happy eve or day to you.

"i love YOU, not that human suit you are wearing.."

(quote from the ever-quotable big-hearted james.)... having told me thusly that he loves me for ME, he then added many affectionately salacious comments about said human suit, altho, again, subordinating that love to that of my soul... for me, i must say i most love this man for HIS enormous soul tho AM quite grateful, just on the shallow physical plane, that he is so cute, handsome, & potently strong. recently i saw pix of a female person's new fling & wondered where the dog food was hidden... ... ... ... gee, that was sure mean to write. oh well. probably if the person to whom i refer had been nicer & classier, i would be likewise...
ah, the gutter: old friend. think i'll climb out now.
i can hear him cackling & guffawing & bellowing from downstairs with his army buddy, an older fellow w/kind eyes & easy smile & the most interesting stories. the sound makes me happy. :) the dear friend took us out for the swellest swank dinner of king crab, oysters, steaks, seafood jambalaya linguine, & enjoyable conversation. he's traveled & worked all around the world in very high-ranking, super-dangerous capacities, yet is humble & friendly & even sweet... i like him quite a lot, & he & james love each other so much, & again, i feel so grateful to be married to a man who so loves so many so dearly... life's too short to spend w/envy-prone gossipy/negative people of fearful small soul!
our new place is looking so, so cozy & i've been having so much fun decorating it & am so happy sister & new brother (her hubby) are staying at our mountain pad, keeping it from being lonely, enjoying the snow there, petting the awesome visiting cat we call skinny, sitting before a roaring fire... we will be here as long as need be, then will be gone from here. yes, this is the beach, yes, we like our new home, yes, the weather can produce beautiful days, but there lie ahead many years of travel & adventure elsewhere. we can think of so many other places we'd rather see... yes, we want to go vagabonding, busking, gigging, discovering new sights as soon as possible. meanwhile the adventures here continue w/james's gig this weekend, then monday's final barndance show for ronnie mack at joe's in burbank. lastly, since i'm writing so much about "us," i post this picture, taken from our "before" days, when we courted passionately & longingly while living in different far-off cities. i love the love it displays, of course, but also the composition & lighting, which remind me both of sargent & hopper somehow... the relationships that ended due to our unavoidable coupling had long been wrecked by our overly-critical then-roommates... "do you feel it, too?" he asked, the very 1st time i met him, then later, "i gotta have you..." now, a year & 1/2 later, here we are, & yes, james, i do feel it, too, & life is so much better this way... i just realized i wrote this post for him to read. sweetheart, you always tell me that i saved your life. well, you rescued me & made me want to live again, so i must say the same to you, as well as that i love you.

feliz ano nuevo! (feh-LEES AH-nyo NWEH-vo)

(no discernible tilde on this keyboard...) wow -- so far this truly IS the greatest year ever, ever, ever. :) my biggest concern is my butt has fallen asleep from sitting in bed for so long, reading, talking, dreaming, & watching vids w/james. we watched louis jordan, the nicholas bros, mike tyson, made calls to family, ate poppycock... &, of course, james's show last night was a happy, happy, happy time, even w/him stoved up a bit w/recent foot surgery... but he, such the strong, sober, silly, smart, superb soldier, just bore ahead, delivering a steaming hot hi-thrills jumping great night to the cheering laughing dancing howling packed-house. he's about to come in from the dojo-smoking porch so we can enjoy more idle/idyll time: watch wall-E, eat some pizza, snooze maybe... anyways, a gentle & grateful & happy new year to you. :)

auld lang syne

strange that there's no song anticipating the new year. just read up on wikipedia about the above song (interesting stuff, should you search it) & was reminded it's actually a commemoration of years & friendships past... ok, well, just sitting here waiting, so will post this poster, containing one of james's favorite pix of himself. funny to me that he so loves this one, in which he looks old & sinister (the man of 1000 faces more usually, i think, looks quite youthful & lively). as kaykay said, james can be both "the sweetest & the toughest." that's for sure. no one should doubt that this man has the biggest heart imaginable, but will chew up & spit out those who cross him or us... i don't know why i wrote that... just feeling kind of weird, i think... "this is gonna be the best year ever, baby," he keeps cheering to me, & i hope that he's right for us & for all.

blablablablablablablablablablablabla

sitting in corporate coffee joint trying to get bills transferred... boring, tedious, but could be so must worse! hard to type w one hand here... on phone... all customer service reps are currently busy, it drones over & over, please hold for the next available agent... my arm's getting tired... wonder if this'd go faster if i'd agreed to their survey?... sh*t, i give up.
will have to call tomorrow. can't feel too bad about lack of progress on the bill-transferring process. i mean, here i sit, inside, warm, sheltered, w/coffee & scone i could afford, brought here by vehicle that, tho no beauty, runs reliably, on heels of visit to gym at which i got to exercise & take warm shower & get dressed semi-nice (for me) & after this, meet my incredibly talented strong vital funny loyal amazing husband & watch him do his amazing stage show & then drive him home from his gig... i mean, to have the time, resources, & relationship to be able to do all of this? no complaints here, for pete's sake!!!
how was your christmas, or as jamesjr calls it, "more jesus"? our holidays were really pretty darned great, & still are, tho unprecedentedly exhausting for james & i cause of moving at the same time. wow! moving at the holidays! what were we thinking??? but the new place is so much nicer, cleaner, homier, airier, brighter, happier... "no ghosts here," james nods solemnly, then smiles: "we are making this our home. together." our room has a tall, tall ceiling. it's what james noticed first & liked, as i did the ceiling of the wood-cabin-style living rm in my/our mountain home... we look up these days, i think, having respectively put in plenty of yrs looking/being down (not these days, tho). :D
after a rough week of exhaustion physical & mental, the three of us rode up to bakersfield to visit the kind & generous gia clauses for christmas. "bring your appetite & your smiles," mama had said, & we did. we feasted on mexican food & played christmas carols & then amidst the mountains of gifts that resulted from our family present exchange, a knock came at the door & bro-in-law doug the preacher brought us, thru a friend, a "christmas miracle": the microwave we needed! i was struck especially this time by doug's friendly & unabashed religiosity: he totally wears on his sleeve his christian fervor. his proselytizing speeches at times confound me cause i can't be offended really due to his personality & the fact that he constantly is doing good works. "i've never met anyone like that," i say. "eddie was like that," james says, referring to his hero, his oldest brother who was taken from this world in his youth. to know that doug reminds james of his dear departed brother warms my heart.
mom & dad sent us off w/tons of food & more of dad's wonderful citrus from his little grove. we happily said goodbye to them as they waved from their porch, mama staying til we're out of sight, like dear grandma used to. little traffic meant the drive home was only 2 hrs; sherry & ben arrived just then w/smiles & tons more food & gifts! we appreciate more all the time how much sherry has done for jamesjr over the yrs. thank you!! :D... we gave jamesjr his bicycle from santa & the super-quick smile on his often-serious face told us we'd done well w/this gift... we each in our way are encouraging him to spread his wings... i think he will be fine, w/the much-different shepherding we all can offer him as well as the traits he's learned in scouts as well as on his own...
well, this dang place is now closing. i've blabbed enough already... on to meet my dear hubby & listen to & watch him. we are really settling in. james said today we really couldn't be happier... he is right... wish the same to you...

family sees james onstage for first time:

last night, james took the stage & was about 4 measures into the first song when mama, who used to sing, turned to me w/big eyes. "JENny," she said. "he needs to be DISCOVERED!" i looked over at dad, who was making his quietly proud, flared nostrils. the little smile on his lips told all. aunt rita & "uncle danny," as james calls him, walked in unexpectedly. james directed some of his "bad woman" lyrics at aunty rita, who did used to be quite a heartwrecker & still would be, i'd bet, if she could get away w/it. she folded her arms across her chest & turned to me w/black glittering eyes & just said, "he's singin' nice for us old people, isn't he." she'd hit it on the nose. kaykay laughed, "this is whiteboy james PG!"... it was cool watching james modify his act so that my folks' hair wouldn't fall out, tho mama has chided me, "oh, we're SO innocent! we've NEVER heard blues before!!" ... but my folks are retired-teacher citizens of polite respectful dutiful mien... if they saw whiteboy james at some of his bluest (tho they HAVE seen him online, & do know what he usually does), their hair very well might really fall out. :) (not really. i exaggerate.) :) (maybe.) ... the family loved him onstage, & now see more of james than their hyper friendly rough-hewn big-hearted son-in-law... "he's as good as ANYone i've seen professionally. they are REALLY topnotch!" mama said, again w/amazement. "he should be..." "famous?" i said. "YES!" mama enthused, & smiled... on break, danny told james, "i was worried cuz i thought you might be a puss," which james took as high accolade from someone like danny, a tough guy in his youth. ("probably still is," james grinned)...
- i had fun playing w/robbie, tony lopez, scott lambert, & scott abeyta... the show, i thought, went pretty well w/lots of smiling ppl & friendly owner sue really treating us good... james & i concluded we need to get our duo in gear cause the audience kept asking when we were gonna sing TOGETHER (we split the show: dusk devils, WBJ, me & tony & robbie on xmas songs, more WBJ... i played w/WBJBE about 60% of the time last night, & lately, getting to play w/them here & there is really helping me develop my ear & chops!). i always figure james is the one folks want to see, not me, but last night had to realize we are BOTH popular performers & people like BOTH of us &, in fact, want to see us together onstage. wow! "you're really becoming more confident being around james, aren't you," dad smiled happily. my folks are really grateful for james, how he bolsters me (& i do him, too, he says, which gladdens me so much)...
- our friends loved the mountain house; so glad i remembered to put flannel sheets on the extra bed so they could be warm & cozy last night... they took off this a.m. bright & early to get home for today's gig. i don't know if it was the biting mountain freeze of last night or the effort of being good for the family, but james woke up calling wanly, "i'm siiick." fortuitously, the call came in at that moment: today's gig - cancelled! so now james can get all slumbered up while i do a morning routine i miss, sitting at the picture window gazing at the tan-green mtns & blue sky (snow clouds drifting thru it), drinking black coffee that for some reason tastes so much better at this table, at this window, reading, writing, making pancakes (batter waiting so he can have some, too, when he awakens), warmed by the fat little sparrows hopping in the trees, & seeing now that two round, tawny birds have come to the window, all puffed up against the cold, & are pecking at the birdseed i just put out for them. and oh! a giant bluejay just lighted on the top branch of the mistletoe-covered oak not 15 feet from me & gazes proudly around, his royal weight causing the oak to wobble: he is king of everything right now!... yes, james, what you said yesterday was correct: life is pretty damn good. :)

tonight! sat. dec. 15! whiteboy james & the blues express, the dusk devils

at sue's tavern in frazier park, ca, 9pm-1am, no cover, 21 and up. roll down to see red flyer!

sick sick sick sick sick

- our society is sick to its core. or maybe it's the world's people. but i've seen the "happiness index," as maybe you have, & tend to think it's "western" culture that's sick. sick sick sick sick sick. i'm no freudian, but he had it right about the rotting influence of "civilization" upon the individual, particularly in this materialistic culture, breeding competition, consumerism & other addictions, venality ignorance sloth greed fear isolation arrghh... today i understand & remember the cynicism of my youth, tho mustn't indulge it. after all, a book we read says, & i believe it, "resentments kill." and though this world can suck, i don't wanna be dead quite yet (tho guess ultimately i don't control such things, like none of us do)...
- a saying i saw when i was newly sober: "granted that i must die, the question is, how shall i live today?" i try to remember that one when in a bag of sh*t (the one that has its zipper on the inside, to quote texas stacy, r.i.p., dear woman, & how ironic that she forgot her own brave words & took the ultimate solution out of this world). another good one: "always remember the blessed fact of sobriety." usually i'm reconciled to that 4th word, w/its religious connotations, but right now it kinda chaps my hide... yes,
- crap. what an up and down day. the news bears unimaginable horror, both nationwide & from a family member. violence, ugliness, tragedy. makes more plausible -- no, that's not right, -- palatable the notion of a god & a devil, cause then such characters could be causing the evil that can seem to seep from men's souls (& good?)... but we're kind of all puppets under this system. and i just don't believe that: do you? does any of this drive you nuts, too?? determinism, chaos, fortuity, meaninglessness: i guess we'll never know.
- jeez, sometimes i envy devout religious people: to believe, truly believe that there's some benevolent afterlife serving as reward for enduring the bad in this life, a happily ever after place (disneyland?) overseen by an ever-loving father figure (santa claus?): what must it be like to have such certitude in something so ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS??? i sorta envy such conviction. damned ever-skepticism: it might protect a soul from being onced-over, but it too can drive a mind insane!!!
- then comes reprieve: music practice w/12 bars, 1-4-5s, turn-arounds, fat 7ths, 9ths, 13ths, jumps & swings & 2-beat rhythms: there's such happy comfort in the predictability & security & high-energy visceral thrills of american music... heck, maybe THAT'S our religion!! but then the music ends & the spiral hits again. crap.
- ultimately i know, though the blues keep hitting in patterns small to monsoonish, we are so grateful for one another, for family and friends and the power of love and music. "true men of faith have courage," that book we know says, & "faith" i think must mean not necessarily of the religious variety, but faith in the life force manifested in part by humankind & the possibility of continuing goodness, especially when facts of life at times are so bleak... yes, to maintain this attitude does require bravery. so to you, brave friends, a reprieve from the magic magnifying mind that will home in on & amplify the negative... to you, a gentle day or eve.

yum! ooh! ahh! ow! aaah. :)

dad gave us two hulking bags of delicious citrus... he has planted, nursed & nurtured about 20 trees since they/we as a family moved to their current home in backwardsfield about 25 years ago... he showed me his loving little citrus bk when we were visiting them, w/its tiny painstakingly-handwritten notes detailing the life & care of each tree. what a treasure that little book is, chronicling the (literally!) fruitful results of the patience & attention given each tree by our kind father!... james got a high-power (keep limbs, babies, small pets away from it!) high-end juicer from a friend he helped out, so we made juice this morning w/some of dad's fruit: i pulped a smallish, softish lemon, rind & all, creating a shake- or smoothie-like froth to the ultimate beverage, then mixed in tangerines & i think a few oranges. i don't know all the varieties i juiced, but i do know that the result was scrumptious! yum! then the day was cracking: we met our nice landlord & got the key to the lovely new place, had $2 sandwiches, met sherry & jamesjr back at the lovely new place, ran errands, got boxes for packing, then... i got kinda sick. crap. oh well! sick happens! this is the sick time of year, i think! so i slept it off as the man drove off to do his bitchin' unbeatable unstoppable coolest-guy-on-earth music show. before i left, i told him what manuel always tells me: "hit 'em hard & make 'em love you!" he seemed to like that one. :) ...after a few hrs of headachey sleep, i crawled out of bed & chatted w/the young man for a spell til his cynical-&-crabby kinda wore me out. since he IS a teenager & therefore at that for-him-probably-seeming-interminable liminal stage, i can understand his intermittent crankiness. such a personality is excusable in a young person seeking meaning, tho not, i don't think, in people 3x his age i've know w/similar behavior!! thank goodness not to be around that anymore!! :D ... so anyways, i got upstairs just as the man called to say he missed me & i said i missed him & yes, this is my blog, all right... :) i listened to yancey on bing while packing, realizing a little ocd can be a good thing! yes, we're on the road to being out of this place. on the road to a new life, a clean & happy break from any trace of the old. full steam ahead! onward & upward! happy eve or day to you who may be reading this. :D

kaykay's cattle call jam & lifelifelife

after niece's birthday party in bakersfield, we went to visit sister kaykay at oildale's branding iron & were called up to play for a while (of course -- OFCOURSE!, i say happily, proudly, -- everyone cheered when james walked in!). thanks to orion for taking all these cool pix! "we look good together, baby," he said. "look what a great team we make!" then we went christmas shopping & got back to our bakersfield home base & mama gave us thoughtful gifts from a recent trip they took & we visited w/them for a nice while w/christmas tree blinking & winking in background & warm food smells sleepying & cozying the house. then we watched UP, which james'd never seen, & he's now's a fan... next was great soft slumber & today music practice w/robbie & more shopping & eating up on the clean-air mountain & then james made a beautiful roaring (now gently crackling) fire & soon we'll be home again to the young man who maybe will travel w/us next time, maybe not (he's a young man now & has choices) & great things already are underfoot... great things await... great things are now... for you, me, everyone we know (i didn't much like that movie, but i like the sentiment...) )...

(mush alert) so happy...

...for james. for james and i. for us. so happy & grateful. :) all is well. he was singing & writing new songs downstairs at 2 am, on the heels of the most marvelous night ever. the energy at harvelle's was so positive, so good, so... ah. don't even have the words. his wonderful voice was ringing up from the garage. he called me down to sing me a wonderful song he'd written. he looked at me adoringly: "now you're MY muse," he said: "thank you, honey." he stayed up all night, like he does, but in happy pursuits. now he's scarfing down cause after shows he gets so hungry & becomes an eating machine for a while. the man has a metabolism like none other i've ever witnessed, just yet one more quality of his that amazes me. he is ever-amazing... soon he'll be up here with me. later we'll ride bikes, have coffee, who knows? yes, we're so excited about today, the future. "i've been operating at a deficit," he said yesterday, looking at me as if in a moment of clarity. "chain down the world -- here i come!" today he is a conduit for the universe & realizes it. he "shines as bright as light." he says i do, too. much quicker than i ever saw, he realized we are here on earth to serve man (no, not like on twilight zone)... & get to do so, aside from being big-hearted toward others, w/our gifts of music. wow! i'd say his talents are ampler, more prodigious, astounding, even, but he'd say, "don't talk bad about my wife. i love my wife & i picked her to be my wife. my wife is the best there is." so i won't. i'll just count myself lucky at this moment to be feeling this way, knowing he feels just as... blessed. yes. that's the right word... "No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." - Helen Keller

blablablablablablablablablablablablabla

am anxious right now, so have rambling mind, & can't recall the title, but there's a well-known little walter song about relaxing. not just in a sexual sense: breathing. becoming calm. aaaaah. i think sometimes of it as the 50s version of that frankie goes to hollywood song, thus revealing my vintage, tho i never listened to that FGTH song cause as a young person i despised all things popular (plus i've never been into pop music - neither james nor i like "all kinds of music," being somewhat purists). james prefers sonny boy to walter; he says all harmonica players in so cal want to be walter. we're learning a cool tune by SBW called "peachy tree." it's lilty, sweet, suggestive, cool... the james jr birthday/drive-to-the-ends-of-the-earth gig weekend went well, a happy blur of clubs, late-nite drive as james took me down his memory lanes in south LA, setting up james jr's bd, looking at apts, shopping, eating, music, friendship, then medieval times w/james's family, more... this place is starting to feel like a home, tho i/we still miss the mountain home, & just as this starts to feel comfy, it's time to go... i am nervous. i am frequently nervous. i have a nervous disposition: happily so, when well-adjusted, anxious & certain of cataclysm when off the beam... we went to a meeting last night & i recalled drinking being like dancing with a bear: you don't stop dancing til the bear's done dancing... james, like i, prefers literature meetings. hope we find more. don't need to hear drunkalogues & bragging & fear-driven ego-blather. meetings are good, bringing calm & intention to be purposeful, a rebooting of one's life... yes, i am all over the place... this morn we had peanut butter & chips & coffee (so much for juicing) & watched my name is earl & he crawled back to bed on a night of restless sleep & i cleaned & organized, as i'll do when nervous, but now i'm about to wake up the man so that we can go lay down some huge money for a new place around here, one w/trees & a green park & even some flowers out front, balcony off bedroom, quieter street, our own parking spots. the landlord is wonderful, w/kind eyes that beam goodness. tho deep down we knew we wanted to rent from him, other places we purported to want more fell out. we were upset, feeling like losers. it wasn't so: we were supposed to rent from this man. karma? providence? randomness? don't matter: the end result is increased goodness. our landlord loves to fish. james loves to fish. it might work out for james to fish w/this kind little mellow & warm-hearted man from a chinese village i'll never see. wouldn't that friendship be nice?.. ok, wish us luck. i wish you luck. be well & good & happier all the time...

yayyy!!!! "oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful..."

i am quite excited about this show! if you're in the area, or feel like taking a road trip to the piney, pretty los padres mountains between sta clarita & backwardsfield, w/its potential for wintry snow, come on out. it will be a very positive & happy event in one of our most favorite towns on this planet!... at the last show i did as dusk devils, in long beach, i was backed by my adept & photogenic new guitar player scott abeyta (also blues express guitarist & one of james's best friends!) as well as max bangwell & the friendly scott lambert (two more of james's best friends... & i so love james for the scores & scores of dear & long-time friends he has!)... at the show advertised here, the line-up will be robbie on bass, scotty on guitar, & tony lopez on drums, 1st playing w/me, then backing james the extraordinary... being very much a cornball who loves all holidays, i'm so looking fwd to singing & playing christmas tunes as well as ushering in the yuletide season w/my family & friends new & old as well as bandmates new & old (tho robbie's really quite young, compared to the rest of us!)...

happy thursday night to you, dear reader.

songs & the truth

i've written more songs since falling in love with james than i've ever written at one time. a bunch for a while i couldn't attribute to him: we each were very unhappy in the love dept when we met, & tho we just held the torch for one another for quite some time, eventually we could not stop ourselves from falling in love, & that quickly for me became something wondrous & amazing: i was inspired to write, write, write songs & to hope that life could be much better... he wrote some for me, too, & those will appear on his new CD... yep, we aren't unlucky in love any more, not at all, & the only certainty is, life ever-changes... if you feel hopeless in some area of your own life, know that just around the corner might be heartache, as johnny cash wrote, but also there might be a miracle.

bah! the brain! what a waste of electricity!

(b*tch session ahead:) ... i don't know why i wrote that except i just read a review of the latest oliver sacks book &, as usual, i just feel mixed up. my whole life, i've been told to toughen up. it just doesn't happen. and the moods... and the crazies... how they strike... argh. he has them, too. some call it "creative temperament." often it feels wonderful, like the brain is on fire w/life & love & light & ideas, & then five minutes later: crash... yes, our emotions change like waves: up down in out huge small wild calm peaceful chaotic silly mean passionate erratic volatile never boring, that's for dang sure... we slept at the mountain home for a bit last night after wonderful family holidays, then trucked back to the beach apartment after late-nite denny's to get home to the boy, & today brought a nice cool jog & great yard sale run by two friendly gals & i got james a replacement mini-helicopter (which he immediately landed on the apartment complex roof - goodbye!) as well as some oddities for christmas gifts & a hula bride of frankenstein & some really choice books! then we gussied up & drove to riverside & into hilly land beautiful w/palms & orange groves to a musician wedding at which a very irritating human showed up & basically i allowed this human to spoil my fun, tho james said i, "as usual," "acted like a lady." meanwhile, tho, i knew what foulness brewed in the old coconut. argh. expectation bringing internal discord: one irritating person gets my magic magnifying mind rolling on conspiracies & patterns of behavior & how "they" gnaw my nerves & "of courses" & "i knew this'd happen" & pretty soon i feel quite superior yet inferior, quite grouchy around some ppl, who seem to me to be not just moronic lemmings who yet seem to know all the answers, but, damningly, have the "big fish in small pond" mentality. i know of a number of these types lately, all situated in a certain northerly area. grow up, people. play music for the music. stop namedropping. stop showing off!! play well. smile. be humble. be honest!! act like a lady or like a gentleman. be brave & gracious. don't be stupid & loud. don't butt in where you're unwanted. don't be a sleazebag. say nice things... or shut up!!!! go away!!!!! die!!!!!!! argghhh!!!!!... anyways, the groom was sincere & heartfelt; his tears touched all, i think. then we posed w/our friends in a photobooth (seemingly a wedding trend; angie & doug had one at theirs; quite fun)... then on the ride home we had a long talk about our changing lives & music; i concluded that my problem is i want everything yesterday & that one month from now, it will be a brand new life for us both & all. (sing: "everything's coming up roses")... we stopped at costco & salved our mood-dip w/decadent ice cream bars coated w/toasted almonds & brought a pizza home to the boy, who when we came in was sitting happily at his computer w/his lovely (girl)friend... we unloaded the behemoth keyboard & hauled it upstairs where i played for quite a while &, finally feeling all filled up again, turned, & there was my husband w/hands on my waist & large romantic eyes & once again music inspired us to be whole & happy & one again. that is all.

gratitude -> revelation -> restoration -> thanksgiving

just found these on a website. like them all, & may you, too... Thoughts about Thanksgiving: Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. (- Estonian Proverb)... Do not get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time. (- Galatians 6:9)... We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. (- Ritual Native American/Pagan Chant)... for what today do you give thanks? mine: 1. mostly sound mind; 2. sound body; 3. sobriety & the ability in it to learn from mistakes; 4. love philial, filial, storgic, platonic, &, now being married, of eros (don't wanna write erotic; must be the prude in me); 5. awareness of/appreciation of/desire for agapic love (tho am more pantheist than deist, agape -- backed by selfless action-- would be the most worthy goal of humankind); 6. my husband's & my deep love for american music (as musicians & fans); 7. intellectual curiosity & creativity, instilled in us by our folks; 8. my good little truck, running like a top, all registered & insured, w/money to fuel it & time & opportunity to go places in it; 9. today at thanksgiving, watching angie's ex-husband chat w/her new husband, & then watching my ex-husband chat w/my new husband james, & all were friendly & generous, real men acting honorably, w/o fear, pettiness, selfishness, just interacting w/class & dignity; 10. our 1st family thanksgiving at which more family of choice were present than family of blood, including my new, darling, shining little black-haired, bright-eyed niece (now i have two nieces!) & her beautiful parents (my new brother & sister-in-law), & everyone got along just swell... for what today do you give thanks?

"i refuse to let our respective mental illnesses keep us from having fun!" -my husband's famous words

...when he pronounced this, as we skipped across some street in the middle of some night after some musical event in some southern california city, probably toward some bar, our hearts sang. of course, the certain difficult moments in life can make one less in a mood to sing... any sane, functioning adult only can live in lalaland so long before reality jumps up and smacks him/her in the face. we are not children, & certainly the honeymoon's not over, & we have been married today one month, & despite some trials (i knew what i was getting into, as did he), i am so glad to be with this man, with his tremendous heart, talent, capacity to love, bravery, crazy brilliance, & desire to change & better himself & us, even if sometimes that desire swells up only after a ton of shi*t's been dropped on us by him or by me... i've never met anyone with whom i could partner like this. it's so powerful, such a force, it scares me when the ride hits a bump, tho i know it must here & there... he knows me, i know him; he needs me, i need him. we are a team. we want to understand each other. that's a big one: no one's ever understood either of us, really... we fall down seven times, we help each other get up eight. we will not be beat, least of all by any demons in our minds, least of all by the detritus of this world; in fact, there is no "most of all" that will defeat us. he is my mad & handsome & genius king, & he says that i'm his kind & beautiful & crazy queen, & if i sound like a cornball, i don't care... regarding tomorrow, i acknowledge "thanksgiving" as a starting line for the european terror & decimation of indigenous peoples here, have felt sorrow regarding that horror, have reconciled my conflict, or at least put it on a back burner, to turn toward celebration with loved ones, which is what i've gotta do to live well & happy; yes, some daily denial of the world's crucial to keep this head out of the oven... anyways, thanksgiving tomorrow will be about my family joining with his in friendship, kindliness, generosity, welcome, & happiness. next year, i hope more of us will celebrate together. for now, i feel realistically grateful. happy holidays to you who might be reading... may you have the love, true love, that we are forging, love that surmounts madness, the world, life, & death.

friday! saturday! sunday! and listen to whiteboy james on pandora!

this weekend will bring music! music! music! friday we hope to go busking to make song & maybe a bit of dough... saturday, james & the blues express will blow the doors off audie's olympic in fresno, where i think i used to play w/a rockabilly band i was in (can't really remember, tho!), then sunday... see flyer! :D james has a pandora station now. here's the link! whiteboy james & the blues express on pandora radio... what interested me is, the logarithm calculated him to be quite rockabilly, judging from the bands deemed to be similar to him -- as well as jump & swing & all the other fantastic american music he does... to paraphrase his (& now my) friend of blasters renown, we play what & how we do to carry forth the stories & styles of those who came before us musically... the joy of that, & to make people happy, to give them catharsis, to make them feel the passion of the music that makes life worth living: there's no other reason to play, i don't think!! no fame in this, no acclaim, just joy joy joy! :D

new leaf, new life, gemutlich, gemutlichkeit

i subscribe, as maybe do you, to "word a day" (www.wordsmith.org), & today's word well-describes the feeling these past wks around here: gemutlichkeit, or "warm friendliness; comfortableness; coziness." the wedding? how could we ever've known eloping to vegas would've become such a sweet, sincere, &, as james said, spiritual experience? he often has a seeming-6th sense, able to size up situations succinctly & accurately & pronounced, perfectly, "the whole thing was magical." reeling from the kind minister's biblical pronouncement "my people are your people," we've since approached all our loved ones thusly, w/such pleasing results: his family, his true friends, i feel now are mine, too, & vice-versa. we grow closer, more trusting, more intimate w/each day, & that includes trusting of & loving toward deserving outsiders. yes, most people've been so, so happy for us; for instance, our friend/sister kaykay announced from the stage at the gaslamp our marriage just an hr after we got hitched & then texted us that the audience had "erupted in cheers." not that we are much influenced by what others think or say, but we both felt pretty good hearing that... for the most part, tho james is in the public eye & has been sort of a notorious character & sought-after bachelor, only a few folks've continued trying to insinuate themselves between us, gossip, meddle, or as he has said, been "creepy" toward or about us. i've watched james appropriately eliminate these people from his life, as i've already eliminated, at his behest, the ones from my life who were like that (i didn't realize they were not really my friends, but had "ulterior motives"! just knew i felt uneasy around some "friends"! have you had that experience? quite unsettling, in retrospect!). yes, james is better than i am w/boundaries, & he's making sure i learn to put 'em up, as i should, as an adult!, but his whole outlook on life lately? happier all the time, he says: he says i've saved his life! that gives me way too much credit, i think, tho we ARE in love, now husband & wife, & people in such a blessed life-place SHOULD compliment their beloved... but i've definitely seen james's spirit brighten, & many people've commented he looks happier than he's ever been, & so i'd call him lately "sehr gemutlich," to use today's word... & what about me? well, i've never been happier! i hope that is evident from this blog lately!... onward, what about the election? the men in this house say "eh," that the results make no difference, but i, not a cynic, am comforted.... my dear sister angie's happy punk-rock ultra-religious wedding to friendly pastor doug? so delightfully silly, creative, sweet, gemutlich. there, james met my 1st husband, brian, for the 1st time, & both were, of course, perfect gentlemen. again, it is a gemutlich life lately; that was yet another proof-point... our visit w/the gias pre & post wedding? so comforting, warm, inviting, w/ delicious left-overs, cuddly cat, generous loving folks (james pronounced them "beautiful," & i nearly cried w/gratitude), so gemutlich, as was last night's cozy impromptu dinner at a tiny pizzeria near the beach, a pretty place w/glowing stained glass window, laughing baby dining w/young family, tasty bread dipped in balsamic vinegar, mysterious carnivalesque italian music, intimate, kind conversation between my handsome husband & i, & again this evening, a walk at the nearby wetlands w/sweeping sunset hushing across the seaside & birds soaring & floating gracefully, dipping beaks in tidepools, ducks chugging gently thru the water as we strolled arm in arm, & then a movie, & then exploring, & then grocery shopping, even THAT these days being gemutlich!... tonight we set up our bedroom "recording studio" & tomorrow more adventure awaits, even if we go no place at all, & as the holiday season approaches, may you find as many days & moments as possible to be filled w/a spirit of gemutlichkeit...

blablablablablablablabla... burp... hahaha... sniff...

dad worked really hard to co-write this book. he's too humble to promote it, so i will here. dad organized, pared down, cleaned up, & edited into a reasonably-length tome the boxes of interviews eddie lopez, retired newspaperman, originally produced. i did a second edit on what dad had written, & in so doing got to appreciate that the subject had led an unusual, interesting life, yet one seeming quintessentially 1930s & '40s! immigrant, pugilist, marathon dancer, athlete, muscleman, hollywood extra & movie-star aspirant, tough guy, promoter, world traveler, boxing ring builder & owner, & more and more & more! here's a link to the book: by Eddie Lopez and Gilbert Gia ... what a swell week it's been: james gig at which two of his "homegirls" generously brought us a beautiful cake & home-made ceviche w/hot sauce & chips & then the whole place signed us a card; then a just-right trip up to the mountain home of clean air & crystal skies & yardwork & music & nesting; then a visit with the family in their ultra-comfy home filled with happy people, food, music (james really sang for mom & dad for the first time as i accompanied, & their eyes just popped w/amazement at his prodigious talent & charisma!), kindness, & soft places to rest & read & chat (and, in my case, sleep); then home to jamesjr, who ended the eve w/a smile on his face, & today, practice w/scott & scott for sunday gig (they queried me on changes so adeptly, my head was spinning!), & supermex dinner, & laughing & busting chops & cackling at j&j being cynical & funny & inappropriate... and now it's time to put on pajamas cause winter's in the air here, a wet looming fog settling down over things like grayed damp cloth. winter's approaching; sister is wedding next week; the holidays are nearing, & our family does them big & happy & i can't wait to share them with james, who can't wait either. he says he really hasn't done the holidays since his mama passed away; his eyes lit with such joy & wistfulness & fondness & 100 other emotions, like effusive james will do, at the prospect of having them again. little's more precious than welcoming to my loving & hospitable family james, who is ripe for & so appreciative of them... i cry with gratitude if i think on it too much, so i won't. life is gooooooood, & may it be for you, as well.

"my prayer to god is a short one: 'oh lord, make my enemies ridiculous'. god has granted it." - voltaire (WBJ interview)

after an intensive day of laying around, doing yardwork, listening to music on youtube, writing songs, playing music, chainsawing firewood, & eating pizza, we happened across an interview with whiteboy james that seemed a tad vacuous. we attempt to top that here: anonymous interviewer: whiteboy, what would you do if you were instead called black boy? wbj: probably make more money... [computer crashes.] ai: apparently, divine intervention could not trump bad taste: the question and reply stand. onward, what is your favorite kind of ice cream? wbj: garlic mint ripple. [computer crashes again.] ai: g*ddammit… wbj: well, it you weren’t so lightning fast… ai: what’re the first 78s you ever heard that stand out in your memory? like three, four… wbj: stay all night, bob wills and texas playboys; great big chainsaw came near, spike jones; &, hmmm.... ballad of smoky joe, cab calloway. ai: what was your favorite toy when you were a kid? wbj: g.i. joe. ai: we never had one cause it was a “boy toy,” like all the cool stuff back then… oh well… and what was your favorite tv show? wbj: when i was a kid? hmmm… get smart. ai: if you could beat the sh*t out of any famous person living or dead, who would it be? wbj: lemme see… that’s a good one… art fein. [laughs hysterically.] no-no, wait: charlton heston. maybe john wayne… [laughs uproariously.] ai: what’s your favorite exercise? wbj: [reading from ipad:] here i got a message from you on march 21, 2010… [reads it aloud.]… that was a lonnng time ago! that’s neat goin back and seeing that stuff, you know? [grins.] where are we? ai: what’s your favorite exercise? wbj: that’s a tough one. ai: yeah; i agree… wbj: playing 40 man squamish. ai: what’s the best thing about being married to jenny? wbj: hmmmmm…. being married to jenny [smiles.] ai: to quote a recent interviewer, “what can a white guy possibly know about the blues?” your reply? wbj: "go f*ck yourself." ai: that’s great! ok, last question: what do you want to do this evening? wbj: my wife. [photo: WBJ & interviewer in 2010. photo by very myopic, jealous, or possibly sneezing bystander.]

happy howwwwwloween from the pages!!

thank you, cindy, for the pix. :)

ain't no haint gonna run me off...

in honor of tomorrow's all hallow's eve, here are favorite scare flicks from the house of page: mister page -- the exorcist, night of the living dead, phantasm, children shouldn't play with dead things; missus page -- zombi, the last exorcism, texas chainsaw massacre, island of lost souls; both: sean of the dead, bride of frankenstein, dracula... and remember... tomorrow night at harvelle's in long beach... the one, the only...!!!! mwahahahahahahaha!!! happy halloweeeeeen!!!!

"don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. where you go i will go, and where you stay i will stay. your people will be my people and your god my god." we did it. we did it! more later...

no, we ain't humpty dumpty: "fall down seven times, stand up eight")...

i think the latter's a chinese proverb, maybe of military or confucian origin (i flat don't know, in other words); the former i wrote cause i knew humpty dumpty for a few yrs, & yes, james & i have broken pieces, but we definitely are putting everything back together again, in fact, stronger than ever we could on our own (he says this is true, too, which is so cool: we're on the same page!)... well, our combined show this wkend (green flyer below)'s cancelled. yes, i had an accident & hurt myself; james says my nickname should be "lumpy"... i'm feeling better & know i'll be ok, tho was pretty concerned two days ago! stupid mortality! re the music, we'll do shows "at our leisure," he says, & tells me not to worry; my health is the most important thing, he says, which is true... can't play well, even if not sick, when anxious & bashed-up like i've been! we saw avengers the other day (one good scene, where hulk smashes loki) & then joked that the jenny superhero action figure would stand there & wring her hands & wail while the james one would detonate like hulk... it's still so refreshing to joke about the darkest sides of us, to acknowledge them & work together to overcome or maybe transmute them. :) ... here's his favorite pic of us; he says we look "buff," & it's really a great pic of him, i'll say. :) i don't feel too buff right now, but after my crash earlier this week, i do feel lucky & glad to not've gotten myself too bashed up physically or mentally... may you who read this be healthy & happy, or

at least one of the two, if you can't have both.

halt, miel de lune, well my baby & i got happy at the halloween haunt

(we are singing a song off the cuff right now about the other night's fun at knott's scary farm. "you're writing something f**ked up about me, aren't you?" he chuckles, clutching homer & willie, then laughing, "you suck!") in the secret society, people talk about "halt"ing sometimes, tho it's no place in the book. the idea is, don't let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. up til a few mins ago, i'd let myself get too "h" & w/typical worry was thinking something was seriously wrong til james's son james (james the younger or, as his dad calls him, w/usual humorous scorn, & in this case, w/historical reference, too, "the lesser") remarked, "you probably just need to eat." james sr (the greater?) cooked up a huge pot of what dad always called "three-way," a dish i believe he learned to make in the navy, & well, i feel much sweller after a big bowl of the tasty mix of chili, spaghetti noodles, bell peppers onions, & cheese... back to "halt," i've thought it should instead be called "shalt," w/the initial "s" meaning sick since i've allowed myself to get sick a lot in many ways, just out of bad habit... anyways, it's a lovely day here near the beach w/lazy eve approaching; i was horridly surprised by the heat upon arriving here near-2 wks ago, tho was told it at that time was anomalously humid... then a few days ago we all were wakened by flashes in the sky & rolling blasts of thunder. i was glad to know such storms from living in the mtns the past few yrs cause otherwise it might've been a little scary; afterward, showers crashed down & tepid still turned to fragrant cool, sending different perfumes than do the mtns: eucalptus, mainly, & even sea smell... anyways, the weather's been balmy but comfortable since, & i even got in a run on the cool evening streets, & now we all sit & loll around, digesting & contemplating a movie this eve, maybe, or sweet nothing... here are a few pix from recent days: james & i after practicing w/bassman robbie, photo by james jr; then us at the halloween haunt on the day of our miel de lune or lunes de miel, of sorts. no, we didn't get hitched yet, but it was during that long morning storm & thereafter, throughout that day, that he remembered me & i, him, & then we spent the evening celebrating, really celebrating the spirit of holiday & halloween & spirits & playing w/monsters & fear & festivity. it was a wonderful, even unforgettable 10-11-12, for sure... today brought practice w/scott abeyta & next wk, a special gig combining james's & my bands. to share music, on top of everything else, even w/the certain tough times & growth periods, well, it makes me pause & look over at him, so strong & sweet & silly, & say, w/sincerity, "i couldn't be happier," & he smiles back & agrees. i hope that you are the same, whomever & wherever you are. (yes, i mean you.)

...

children of the night...

... yes, they/we make (beautiful) music, tho we can't hear them here in the city & we're not children & i'm not really of the night, rather poised between love of dawn & dusk & nighttime & morning, depending on the mercury of my moods... anyways, we in this houselet love love love monsters, tho he prefers lugosi, the strong, fierce, suffering junkie & me, karloff, the polite, saturnine, suffering-seeming gentleman... i just was looking up quotes from the lugosi dracula & realized i have many favorites. here are some: Count Dracula: For one who has not lived even a single lifetime, you're a wise man, Van Helsing. Renfield: No, no, master. I wasn't going to say anything, I told them nothing. I am loyal to you master. Count Dracula: Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make. Renfield: God will not damn a poor lunatic's soul. He knows that the powers of evil are too great for those with weak minds. Count Dracula: There are far worse things awaiting man than death. Renfield: Isn't this a strange conversation, for people who aren't crazy? (and, of course, since i haven't drank alcohol in such a long long time:) Count Dracula: I never drink wine... ... we're kids of the late 60s-early 70s, the 1st era of an openly schizophrenic mix of sweet & horrifying (peanuts & family affair to the 1st war to be broadcast, uncommercialized & unexpurgated, on primetime), so i especially liked this thing he posted yesterday on facebook: ... this week we all go to knotts scary farm/halloween haunt, the "greatest haunted house halloween spook show in the nation," which they've gone to many times but i, supplanted central californio, never have. i can't wait to get the sh*t scared out of me!! now time to make another pot of joe & wake the monster amazing & everyday & awesome...

............

we're here. it's a new life.

FRANKLIN MOTEL by Jenny & the Phantoms

[FOREWARD TO THIS POST: these songs most all are about james page, my now-husband, which i could not say at the time...]have had too much energy lately, 90% good... yesterday i got fed up & decided to do something useful w/it, like record this little thing, which in the old days might've been dubbed an EP, but today is just a DIY, one-day, one-woman toss-away... hang in there, if you will, thru the 1st song, on which i really messed up the levels: yikes! it improves after that... made this song collection a video cause wanted to present lyrics, too. they were fun & satisfying to assemble! i never much heed lyrics while enjoying music, tho do love to write them... hope you like the songs, slapdash as they be. :)
thanks to all my friends, musicians & non, who've encouraged me to make a "real" solo record in a "real" studio... maybe it'll happen! we'll see if there's any reaction to this latest batch of tunes... meantime, it's so awesome that such well-known & respected american roots scholars, performers, & songwriters (listed below) would think i'm worthy!! all i know is, i love to write & perform music, tho to call my efforts rough would be generous (have got this impatience thing that prevents me from doing many retakes to get things more correct, like on solos, levels, etc, & i have no idea how to mix)... i'm so happy to have realized lately that no matter, who ever, wherever, whenever, nothing ever can or will separate me from my music... it's as much a part of me as breath. how about for you? can you or should you allow yourself to be separated from your bliss? i think we should not, long as that bliss doesn't hurt anyone! :)
dusk devils play tomorrow, march 17, at the ridgecrest fairgrounds sometime in the evening... we'll headline a super-rocking long set w/our sturdy awesome rhythm section... i should have a flyer; i should have this & that; really all i know is, i'll wear my new piano-keyboard punk-lolita tutu & some green for st patty's day, & we will kick butt!... tomorrow, too, is my friend jp's birthday. i'll miss his awesome bd bash down south, but we dusk devils are gonna have some mondo-top-fun, i just know it!! and afterwards we all got comped rooms, & since i don't have "real" TV here at my mtn home, HBO, here i come! :)
meanwhile, happy birthday, frankenstein! may you who read this be, if not in, then en route to your bliss, one way or nuther... :) xo
:D

"do you know how it feels to be like this?"

- five royales
- and how are you, dear reader? my friend & i played that song on the fly the other day for a show & kinda blew it... he'd been up a bit too long to well-sing it, which caused me to fold in a few spots cause i thought i was the one messing us up, but even so, he's one of the best singers on earth, living or dead, plus it's a gorgeous song, so the rendition really couldn't suck no matter what...
- tho some of us've not been there for decades, since birth, actually, i send greetings from planet j. my life changed recently. it's ok now that i am kind of insane. a paradigmatic shift, a sea shift has occurred. crazy = ok, long as i don't hurt anyone, & it's even cool & desirable, in some people's eyes, indicating creativity & passion & commonality. i am understood, & i understand.
- "i refuse to let our combined mental illnesses keep us from having fun." wow! talk about practical, kind, realistic, reassuring. wonder powers, activate.
- may you who read this feel the sense of wonder i now do... what an amazing feeling, to be like this. it's about dang time. incredible. stupefying. bonkers. fun. man, am i grateful. and i believe it can only get better, less someone drops dead. so i gotta be sure to take care of this temple so i can enjoy & learn from & deepen & revel in this next chapter to its fullest.
- gigs lately have been great, & visiting's been funner, & wilder, & sweeter, & scarier, w/a few socks to the gut followed by revelation & amazingly quick growth & connection... yes, i am talking about personal stuff here, but no details, never any details on here, just limning cause it's all just human experience, anyways, common to all: existence, birth, love, life, death... more later maybe.

"i don't want silver, i don't want gold..."

it's true & long has been! (no, i've never wanted silver & gold, nor riches & fame; don't need no king of sweden!... however, in the realm of things, well, comics, records, candy, snacks, energy drinks, coffee, a massage, a long drive at night, a drive-in (or any!) movie, a cool dress, cheap makeup, a good workout, a rocknroll show, dawn, dusk, weird laughs, doggies, kitties, bargains... there ARE thousands of things i do love -- ultimately, tho, "the most important things in life are not things," attributed to many, is such a true sentiment...) anyways, blablabla.

there can be no veil for this...

- so i won't write about it. cept in my journal, that is. actually, i can't adequately write about it... too amazing. seemingly. at this moment. who knows what tomorrow'll bring. my life has become wondrous in a way i never thought it could. was trying hard to resist, but when i let go... well, i wish all well.
- but in another vein, yesterday i got to go hiking w/two new friends & one i've known for 20 yrs, tho not well, andy noise, who had a record store in bk forever... what a nice experience! andy heads the bakersfield distance project & i'm hoping to work w/him as my at-least part time trainer to prep for my 45-mile birthday walk... the day was really swell & the scenery beautiful, but unfortunately i filled my camelback bag too hurriedly (they pulled up & i was still watching howlin wolf videos online -- eep!), & the sucker leaked all over me for the entire hike, all the way up to the summit of mt pinos, along sawtooth pass, for a good 3 hrs, & a cold snap had hit... so that combined w/happily, crazily burning the candle at both ends this past wk has put me in a sick bed...
- got to watch, tho, the coolest max fleischer cartoons, betty boops featuring louis armstrong & cab calloway, & eat the last pretzels in this house w/pb packets mama bought me for france, but which i didn't take...
(- so much i write on here is veiled... hope it's not too annoying for you who read... i always try to remember that my experiences are universal cause we're all pink meat & white bone underneath, to paraphrase carl perkins -- nothing i do is novel, really...) anyways, here's some unobfuscated stuff:
- today at 530, boxcar 7, a band recommended by ed boswell, will play for free at the pine mountain club clubhouse (actually, out on the lawn). bartending will be dusk devils robbie! i don't know if anyone on earth from the mountain will see this in time, but if too late, know there are music events & robbie drinks going on up at the PMC clubhouse all the time...
- tomorrow, sunday, is a rockabilly bbq in santa clarita, ca. dusk devils are on at 530 pm, karling & the atomics at 930 pm... it should be swell fun! here's the flyer: