"i refuse to let our respective mental illnesses keep us from having fun!" -my husband's famous words

...when he pronounced this, as we skipped across some street in the middle of some night after some musical event in some southern california city, probably toward some bar, our hearts sang. of course, the certain difficult moments in life can make one less in a mood to sing... any sane, functioning adult only can live in lalaland so long before reality jumps up and smacks him/her in the face. we are not children, & certainly the honeymoon's not over, & we have been married today one month, & despite some trials (i knew what i was getting into, as did he), i am so glad to be with this man, with his tremendous heart, talent, capacity to love, bravery, crazy brilliance, & desire to change & better himself & us, even if sometimes that desire swells up only after a ton of shi*t's been dropped on us by him or by me... i've never met anyone with whom i could partner like this. it's so powerful, such a force, it scares me when the ride hits a bump, tho i know it must here & there... he knows me, i know him; he needs me, i need him. we are a team. we want to understand each other. that's a big one: no one's ever understood either of us, really... we fall down seven times, we help each other get up eight. we will not be beat, least of all by any demons in our minds, least of all by the detritus of this world; in fact, there is no "most of all" that will defeat us. he is my mad & handsome & genius king, & he says that i'm his kind & beautiful & crazy queen, & if i sound like a cornball, i don't care... regarding tomorrow, i acknowledge "thanksgiving" as a starting line for the european terror & decimation of indigenous peoples here, have felt sorrow regarding that horror, have reconciled my conflict, or at least put it on a back burner, to turn toward celebration with loved ones, which is what i've gotta do to live well & happy; yes, some daily denial of the world's crucial to keep this head out of the oven... anyways, thanksgiving tomorrow will be about my family joining with his in friendship, kindliness, generosity, welcome, & happiness. next year, i hope more of us will celebrate together. for now, i feel realistically grateful. happy holidays to you who might be reading... may you have the love, true love, that we are forging, love that surmounts madness, the world, life, & death.

halt, miel de lune, well my baby & i got happy at the halloween haunt

(we are singing a song off the cuff right now about the other night's fun at knott's scary farm. "you're writing something f**ked up about me, aren't you?" he chuckles, clutching homer & willie, then laughing, "you suck!") in the secret society, people talk about "halt"ing sometimes, tho it's no place in the book. the idea is, don't let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. up til a few mins ago, i'd let myself get too "h" & w/typical worry was thinking something was seriously wrong til james's son james (james the younger or, as his dad calls him, w/usual humorous scorn, & in this case, w/historical reference, too, "the lesser") remarked, "you probably just need to eat." james sr (the greater?) cooked up a huge pot of what dad always called "three-way," a dish i believe he learned to make in the navy, & well, i feel much sweller after a big bowl of the tasty mix of chili, spaghetti noodles, bell peppers onions, & cheese... back to "halt," i've thought it should instead be called "shalt," w/the initial "s" meaning sick since i've allowed myself to get sick a lot in many ways, just out of bad habit... anyways, it's a lovely day here near the beach w/lazy eve approaching; i was horridly surprised by the heat upon arriving here near-2 wks ago, tho was told it at that time was anomalously humid... then a few days ago we all were wakened by flashes in the sky & rolling blasts of thunder. i was glad to know such storms from living in the mtns the past few yrs cause otherwise it might've been a little scary; afterward, showers crashed down & tepid still turned to fragrant cool, sending different perfumes than do the mtns: eucalptus, mainly, & even sea smell... anyways, the weather's been balmy but comfortable since, & i even got in a run on the cool evening streets, & now we all sit & loll around, digesting & contemplating a movie this eve, maybe, or sweet nothing... here are a few pix from recent days: james & i after practicing w/bassman robbie, photo by james jr; then us at the halloween haunt on the day of our miel de lune or lunes de miel, of sorts. no, we didn't get hitched yet, but it was during that long morning storm & thereafter, throughout that day, that he remembered me & i, him, & then we spent the evening celebrating, really celebrating the spirit of holiday & halloween & spirits & playing w/monsters & fear & festivity. it was a wonderful, even unforgettable 10-11-12, for sure... today brought practice w/scott abeyta & next wk, a special gig combining james's & my bands. to share music, on top of everything else, even w/the certain tough times & growth periods, well, it makes me pause & look over at him, so strong & sweet & silly, & say, w/sincerity, "i couldn't be happier," & he smiles back & agrees. i hope that you are the same, whomever & wherever you are. (yes, i mean you.)

...