pervading sense of unreality follows wondrous night of little sleep, glorious music and moonlight

(the above makes me miss writing headlines!!! in the online-publishing era, does "headline count" still exist?? i just don't know... it used to be sometimes irritating, but also fun wording headlines to puzzle together just so, working not just w/words, but even tighter -- w/picas, font sizes, & individual letters, which have different count depending on font & width...)
t.s. eliot: "it's strange that words are so inadequate. yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath, so the lover must struggle for words..." feels like this whole blog is that way! my words are inadequate to capture what this precious & quixotic life feels like. are words that way for you??
so what a blessing it is to have such an outlet as this blog, fumbling tho my attempts may be to elucidate & enunciate mysteries of existence (ha!)... yes, what a blessing it is to write! & create! & feel! & love! & draw breath! (ok; that's enough...)
so back to earth: this house originally had 3 oaks on its property, beautiful old grandfathers, but when i moved here, only one remained, the others not just having been removed, but for some reason, their stumps painted blue. demented!... not just eviscerated, the trees were defaced, as if by some perverted arboreal undertaker!
the other day i returned from bakersfield feeling sick (as now seem to when returning from bako) & as i backed my truck up to the house so i wouldn't have to walk so far to unload, i glanced into the backyard &... tree #3 had fallen & was laying in pt on the house. yikes!! providence or fluke or the great pumpkin pitched the tree just enough away from the house so that it appears there's no roof damage, tho i've yet to confirm that... i know last night when i got home @ godforsaken-a.m., it rained like hell & this morn there are no leaks... could it be that a tree falls on the house & the house is not damaged? if so, wow!!
the tree looks like it committed suicide -- yanked itself from the earth, root & ball. no stump's even left to paint blue.
on the upside, i won't need firewood for winter! :)
well, was gonna write a bunch more, but am just too beat after the last few days... painful heel spur still holding me back from running; so grateful for this wk getting to make many amends & heal long-standing upsets w/others; so grateful to feel such love for & affinity w/other drunks, my brothers & sisters; helping sister move, & oh, how i love my little sister, who now owns her very own house, god love our parents!; driving driving driving, i'm always driving now; the beautiful rural rd from here to taft (on I-5! i didn't think there was one pretty inch on that strip!); the wild & amazing whiteboy james (who has the life force of 2 -- maybe 3 -- men & is the most blessedly, fierily talented crazy cutey demon i've ever met! a supernova!); his band's incredible show last night (oh, to have a band that tight! what heaven that must be!); our quite uneven but ultimately ok contribution to the show; steady crazy friendly rick, & phil, who, yes, is  wonderful, & what's so wrong about saying what's true?; some disturbing conflicts & hurt feelings w/in band; the velvety night, the hotel lights, the stars & moon, the long rd home; up late, writing a song, unable to sleep, abuzz buzz buzz... & today, following last night's downpour, this morn's perfect skies, robin's-egg blue, clouds, billowy-silvery, w/light quality so clean & gold, it nearly brought tears!
wow!!! a giant crash of thunder just boomed not so far from here, crashing like zeus's symphonic kettle drum, thumping the whole mountain!! more big storms today, looks like!
more good news: no trees on this property to be knocked down by storms!!!
wa-la! that's it for now! happy fin de semana to anyone reading this! :)

whon thot Aprille swithin potrzebie, the burgid prillie gives one heebie-jeebie. SPA FON! SQUA TRONT!! GASP!!!! CHOKE!!!!

james sez the place is an old speakeasy! they got food! they got booze! we got music! they got the unbeatable, unbearably smokin james & the blues express! we got fabulous phil hickerson & the dynamic dusk devils!
here's to a rockin good time for all, whether you're there or not. :)

the most amazing video ever made as well as another amazing road trip & tho overused here, amazing is a pretty apt & cool word.

- this sounds like pure boasting, & tho i never want to leave my house ever again (never meaning not tonight), i just got back from the coolest gig ever.
- a catastrophe went down (everyone's ok; don't worry) & candye kane put out a request & next thing i knew, she flew me out to green bay. outside the oneida in g.b., where they've had 3 awesome rockin' 50s festivals already, candye & co swung up as i stood there finishing a great quick read ("i'm not scared," by niccolo ammaniti). i jumped in their van (soon to be mine for 4 days), we took off north to marquette, mi & next day i got to go to a blues fest where candye headlined & i got to play bigshot-in-my-own-brain as folks asked if i was her manager & i nodded noncommitally, in what i thought might be a slightly mysterious, even possibly inscrutable manner, tho i maybe just looked dyspeptic & kind of like a freezing pocket mouse in my new-from-marquette-goodwill overcoat (it was dang cold!) & oversized shoes... then i got to see how festivals & fans treat well-loved, hard-working performers like candye: lots of well-deserved attention, adoration, everyone wanting to get up close to candye, dressed in her bawdy, pretty-peacock finery w/that big sweet smile on her heart-shaped face that just makes everyone love her, & then having to watch her have run-ins w/the occasional social retard... i guess there's no way to avoid such humans, no matter how much a person's loved... she took it w/grace & class, tho if i get to impersonate her manager ever again, i think i'll shut such twerps down cause candye & her whole dang band work too hard & are too nice a group to suffer fools...
- then we went in the trailer & ate some grub & candye unloaded about a recent entanglement in which she was treated really unfairly &amp by a know-it-all musician a**hole; said people were asking if i were her sister & then we found out we are both middle-named louise & she said some people you just have a connection w/ & maybe it's cause you knew them in another life & i was struck that someone else had told me such a thing earlier that very wk, & who knows? maybe it's true, maybe it's not, but in any event, i was flattered & also intrigued...
- next day they all flew home & my job began, so i embarked upon the rd to california, delivering the van home... it was a long adventure, but i had carl perkins, little walter, billie holliday, npr, weather, scenery, & my own meanderings to entertain me & continually was happy & stunned by where life can take a person, tho when i started talking to the van, i knew it was time to get this rd trip over & get back into the world of people...
- eventually i was sitting there in candye's beautiful old beachside home, an airy but cozy place filled w/funky antique & retro furniture, music, instruments, tchotckes, etc. & a sleepy ocean breeze that would lull me into near-stupor, if i lived there... generous, candid candye (you always know right where you are w/her; she is let-it-hang-out honest & a good friend, you can tell) treated me; her rmmate, artist mardi (who designs, cuts & builds really cool metal jewelry & place settings); & candye's best-bud, mischievous, quirky, gifted guitar genius laura c (she has an amazing face; someone should photograph her), to all-you-can-eat sushi (truly an american-japanese amalgamation, that). afterward, all were lying on the craftsman & googie couches & chairs & facebooking when laura jumped up & said, oh, i gotta show you something! this is so cool! and she then pulled up this incredible video... just wait til you see it. you'll be so happy; your life will be better. :)
- then my dear friend bill pulled up, he of the movie star looks & kooky smart-squirrel personality, & whisked me away to hang out w/him & my dear dear friend, his bride freddie... they are the happiest couple i know, funny & generous & so full of joy that they infuse everyone around them w/it. again, gratitude, gratitude, gratitude: such wonderful folks everyone is, from sturdy bassman kennan to candye's gifted son, drummer evan (he of the soulful eyes) to candye, laura, mardi, bill, freddie, & now i can't wait to see my family & loved ones & bandmates (once i sleep for about 96 hrs). right now i feel like my sponsor, who calls herself "the luckiest woman in the world," & in that ea person lives in his/her own world of subjective experience, i suppose i AM the luckiest woman in the world. it's a pretty dang good life, considering where it might've gone had i not been forced by the supreme spirit of the universe to put down the bottle & the hangover... ain't life grand? just to breathe air one more day, to not wonder why was i born, whywhywhy, to not hate anyone or oneself... ain't life grand?
- now am home & too tired to sleep, but to be home... home is the hunter, home from the hills, the sailor home from the sea... & the squirrel home from the tree, tho still w/plenty of nuts in her cheeks (whatever the heck that means. dang; it's getting late!).
- hope you love this video as much as i do. buona notte, buenos noches, bonne nuit... here's to you & me, may we never disagree, & if we do... ooh-poo-pah-doo (to quote jesse hill).

goddang pizza

exercise 50 mins + eat leftover pizza in fridge = up for many hrs dratting self & finding cool songs on youtube...
1. am trying to get the guys to learn this one... here it is, phil & mark!!!

2 he's a tough lover -- whoooo!! etta does little richard! :)

3. this is from a cool-sounded project, AMERICANA WOMEN. i love her confident tilt of head & drawl... not to mention right-hand action, which i'll never have...

-> link to music box project & AMERICANA WOMEN: http://www.youtube.com/user/MusicBoxProject
4. go, bloodshot bill, the wildest cat out there! no vocal effects, no wimpy rockabilly, wail, man, wail!
5. a special song for me, featuring the best teen drummer i've ever heard:
... ok, i think i'm all digested now.
that sounds funny. :)

kings (& queen) of the wild frontier... & some mushiness.

re wyoming band road trip: after hellishly long drive & my asthma attack (me saved by phil, mark, a rescuing-angel retired cop, & paramedics), we were treated like royalty at the absaroka state takeover car show... rooms, food, great payday, two slow-starting but super shows, saturday night ENCORE, for pete's sake, & drunkenly joyous, rowdy after-show-but-from-the-stage versions of johnny cash & jerry lee from moonshiners' car club pres & secretary, bros scott & john paul (handsome as movie stars, horsing-around friendly as one of your buddies from work)... this topped off by the phil's impromptu guitar god instrumental (apparently it was based on some AC/DC riff, heaven save us all). i wish to heck i'd had a video camera; you shoulda seen him & the band playing as the roaring-drunk crowd howled w/appreciation! except for the mark nearly peeling his entire hand off in blisters, the trip was fantastic, the long drive home going quite a lot smoother, me getting to know my friends much better. they are good fellows of great humor. :)
we rolled into bakoland in early morning hrs & the rest of the wk's been a bit of a blur except i got a frigging fantastic package of CDs & book "rock stardom for dumbsh*ts" from mel bergman of the phantom surfers/go-nuts... i mean, lord!! what a happy unexpected kick THAT was!... huge thanks to russ davidson, clint of the bozeman trail inn, & handsome scotty & the moonshiners' car club guys for hosting us & making us feel really dang special. i also thank the academy, as well as all the young women (& men) who approached me, hugged me, & told me how wonderful i was, including russ's beautiful wife. & i thank the folks in wyoming who looked at me like i just touched down from planet freakazoid, for they helped keep my ego in check. :)
i mean, WOW!! how does this amazing crap happen????
am hoping to get a copy of the radio show we did to excerpt here, if there's anything interesting there, that is... & that russ DOES come to bako & light this town up w/honky-tonks & great band offerings!
wouldn't that be swell, people? :)
last night was our 1st freeze here (in AUGUST!) & the lazy dogs just snuffled & snorted & wiggled in their little doggy-naps, & man, it's sure pretty outside. tonight's a fundraiser down (up?) in bako hosted by mom & dad for a young, idealistic school board candidate, which means i now must go find a socially acceptable, perhaps (if i'm lucky) somewhat attractive outfit.
this place is lovely, this life is lovely -- i just pray i don't think so cause things are going my way. some quotes from the bard:
- love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.
- they do not love that do not show their love.
- (& thoreau) there is no remedy for love but to love more.
i don't know where i'm going w/this... today, may we all be in its stream, & tomorrow ask again to take a swim, if there be no expectations attached to our request, that is...

absaroka state takeover car show, this wkend, bozeman trail inn, BIG HORN, WY!!

wheee! duh.. oooh... oh... aaah

- in a mind-blowing show of generosity, mama took my sister, niece & i on a trip to london & paris. overwhelmed w/how to deal w/the whole thing beforehand, i kept it low, didn't tell anyone. i felt so fortunate, but also that it somehow meant i must be stuck-up or spoiled.
- no, said others, you're merely fortunate & should feel grateful... which of course is correct. :)
- it was, as you'd maybe expect, a really nice trip, tho upon our return u.s. homeland security treated my little pink-cheeked niece, clutching her pooh bear even, like the unibomber (she had a wire in her garment), then seized the pate i'd bought for dad. (they considered it a gel. so i blurted, at the risk of being pummeled, "why don't you stick your finger in there & check for yourself?!?)
- "well, who knows: it could've been a pate explosive," sister angie later said, & added they probably took it to give to their girlfriends, which would serve them right bc pate is "nasty.") but before all this...
- i forgot my camera. duh. really, who goes to another continent & forgets the camera?!? what was most important was when friends reminded me, "this must've been the trip of a lifetime for your mother," & she did, indeed, say so. we bonded, us all, & doesn't life continue to have its wonders? :) ... mama was so, so happy, & so were my sister & i. in this case, i learned, giving back meant being able to receive such a gift graciously, w/o wallowing in some weird self-pity & guilt bc the whole world cannot take such trips.
- & now THIS wk is another trip, this time to wyoming w/the dusk devils. wyoming! - was encouraged when the promoter said, "i'm hoping it'll be a working vacation for you guys, so you can see some of the most beautiful country in the united states." wow! imagine!
- the guys came up (down?) yesterday to my place for the 1st time & we had absolutely a rip-roaring practice!! playing music together in my house w/the breeze blowing & the mountains all around & us 4 so tight-knit, crazy full of fun & grit, i got thrilled about this upcoming rd trip! can't wait now to travel there & & bust up the stage & meet some folks & see some land.
and wear a new dress, of course!! :)
- yes, this was quite a post-jetlag wkend... nine visitors! i love my friends & family, & the dusk devils. :) this a.m. i dropped off out front of the post office a very large package & went inside & FINALLY got the cookies & big beat of the '50s magazine memphis mike sent me a month ago. the cookies were still pretty good, tho crumbly, & i still can't believe we're on the cover of an australian mag that bears a pic of the johnny burnette trio!
- mike, kind, crazy fellow, is having a health snag, so please light a candle for him & send some special thoughts to this pittsburgh peach. :)
- today's of course the anniversary of elvis's death, & in memoriam, here's his beautiful effigy... a roman bust from the 2nd century AD! i think for this wyoming trip i will dye my hair blue-black in his honor.
cheers & happy happy to vous.

july: roadtrip 2010

some pix got left off the slideshow. here's one.

below's the really important one, tho.

yep, 15 yrs, no drinkee. not that i didn't try in this past mad yr... so therefore i'm especially grateful for the good supreme spirit of the universe & all its earthly manifestations, animal, vegetable & mineral. may you be well, fellow manifestation.

june: killer kern, biker friends, rockin' james, narducci's fun, nerds unite

1. rafted down the kern river the day after they let the water go from the isabella dam (we did not know this). as soon as we put in, rapids yanked the boat from shore & hats & my paddle were ripped away. we hit 3 big sections of rapids. i was scared sh*tless. i knew i was dead. after a few hrs, the water calmed considerably & there was a serene & still 20 mins or so as i drifted along cool river & lazily considered the riverfront mansions & deep green banks. then i saw river locks ahead – w/churning rapids!! i hurriedly got out & started the slog back to truck, cutting thru an oil lease & frying my hand pretty badly on a steam pipe. phil tells me later i was lucky i didn’t breathe oilfield gas & die immediately.
at gordon's ferry, the original ending pt, just past the locks, stood a comely tv reporter. a man had tried to go thru the locks i'd narrowly avoided & had drowned, his corpse found washed up under the bridge. usually the locks are passable bc the river is low. w/the dam opened up, the water level was much higher. he tried to make it anyway. the killer kern is aptly named. mama said she’d murder me if i ever went on water again w/o a life vest. i soberly agreed.
2. we played 2 shows in one day. how i love doing that, adrenaline junkie i still am. 1st was @ vinny’s opening for whiteboy james. i had to cover up head to toe due to being a bruised mess from moving & it was appallingly, punishingly hot that day, however what tremendous fun & what a positive success the event was. many people we knew were there, greeting us w/smiles, & what a happy thing that much of “our crowd” has become the bikers of oildale, not just upending some stereotypes but letting me know we’ve got folks watching our backs just in case (tho the phil’s one tough boy scout, & bet the other fellows are no slouches, either). our set was met w/happy cheering & laughing. and again, i looked out & saw women mouthing words to my songs!! how can that be???? i talked w/a swell guy named big e who looks like hoss cartwright... after our set, i was pulled out on the dance floor by all the gals & it was hot sweaty fun fun fun.
james arrived finally & started up, so cute, weird & wild, funny & obscene, in powerful voice, w/his heavy rockin jump & blues. a big flirt w/all, he mouthed to me “i love you” & i mouthed back “no, you don’t.” i don’t know how someone can drink so much beer, smoke so many smokes, & be so alive & powerful. his band was so tight & scott abeyta ripped & roared on that guitar. finally i had to head for the 2nd show & james walked me out & told me about voicing a video game that’s a huge hit in korea, he & his son going to video game conventions & korean people greeting him like a movie star… what an interesting life he -- & i – & we all! -- get to have!
3. the narducci’s show was fun, but of course, being the early openers (8 pm @ narducci’s, where no one shows up til 10!!), we had a small crowd. rick pinch-hitted for us on drums & did a swell job! elvis from 3 bad jacks sat in back & laughed @ end of “2 left feet,” he therefore being the only person we’ve played before who’s caught the hank ballard ending on that song. next was los creepers, big solid young guys from east la who played heavy psychobilly & were pleasant & polite offstage. we ate our free narducci’s meal & then james showed up w/kaykay & tanna! k books vinny’s & loves mick j & tanna is a big-hearted little biker gal. they were bummed to have missed our set. while 3 bad jacks played to an enthusiastic crowd, we all sat in back, laughing & roaring & doing parlor tricks, like wiggling ears & lifting eyebrows, then mark blew everyone away w/his cigarette stunt (you’ll have to ask him to demonstrate). the others smoked & drank while phil & i had our sodas, then the phil had to go so i just hung out til i couldn’t any more… drove home & crashed for a short while -- then in the early morning, james dropped by!  i was blown away to share great music & conversation at my place, as well as to hang out with a fellow mad & movie nerds (who left behind about 500 cigarette butts)!
4. more above... eventually...

rezamalution [sp]

tomorrow i will blog about the past month. it's been a long dang diddly time, as ned flanders would say.
for now i'll just put down, to -- i hope -- kickstart some cogitations & remembrances, that i'm sitting in my new mountain house-no-longer-dump, it's not 9000 degrees outside (as it is in pobre bakingfield), the windows are full of forest, the night sky's full of stars, the fridge is full of food, my head's full of sleepy next-to-nothing, & all that isn't what makes life good... however, no corpses after recent gigs & mondo texas car trip, still upright & breathing, not pushing up daisies, got a pulse & a chance, well, that DOES.
here's a pic of my friend james & i. we dusk devils have a chance to make a record on james's & his buddy, awesome guitarist scott abeyta's, label, if scott likes what we play. so our next band task, aside from solidifying an insane road trip to wyoming, of all the cotton pickin places on earth, is to get songs together for j&s. ORIGINAL songs is what james wants... ain't that a hoot? i can't stop smiling about it.
good night good night good night
good night

3 BAD JACKS, LOS CREEPERS, WHITEBOY JAMES, DUSK DEVILS, LITTLE MIKE TODAY , SAT. 6/26

moving

arrrrrrgggghhhh!!! my fingers!!!!!!!!
i think i reherniated myself. i look like my sister, lover of mosh pits & martial arts: bruised bow to stern. how did i ever amass so many gd LPs, CDs, music equipment, movies, &, most of all, books??? (&, reminds randy, big shoes.) i should have been collecting granite all these yrs. it'd've be less agonizing to move. however, despite my pain & fatigue, & the possible pain/fatigue of all the loved ones who helped me, the home in the mountains is shaping up cozily (tho the outside still resembles a haunted house). waking up to a window full of national forest & robin's egg-blue sky, with cool clean breezes wafting thru the curtains, fills me with an even happier feeling than i ever imagined... ahhh; to be able to breathe is a wonderful thing.
i hope grandma mary's spirit doesn't take this as blasphemy: peace be with you.

iiiii'm so vain...

oh boy, am so bushed... been moving, moving, moving. my old house, in which i now sit, is a lonely ghost containing scarcely more than this computer & i, while the new one, packed w/boxes, awaits me in another town & hops w/promise. i miss it! and i'm scared... i'm moving. but mountain retreat it will be, will be! &, of course, the only constant is change. shiver.
body's tahrd tahrd tahrd. want to make a pallet on the floor & crash, but there's nothing w/which to pallet. so i play bejeweled like a zombie & you know how one's mind wanders when fatigued & i realize there are 3 songs out there about me. not ones i THINK are about me, but really, truly about jenny. but it's irritating because 2 of the songs are sort of dirge-ish & self-pitying & really about the guy, not about me, this projection of what they think i be, when i'd prefer something sort of wildly fun, like "crazy baby," or weird & cool like "for the love of ivy," or soulfully anthemic, like "mona," or romantic, deep, & devoted like "(life's little) ups & downs," or at least about the me i think i am (but how could they know? i never tell them & they don't ask)... however, the 3rd of the songs is a really cool surfy-mysterious instrumental & i feel honored that it's about me, composed by a talented, towering texan w/these really cool hands that look biblical or sculpted by michelangelo...
yes, i'm feeling rather special until i realize that except for "the big g," i've written about 25,000,000 songs about guys. i don't know where this is going, so i'm going to make a pallet.

screeds, songs, & poems: there was a little house on a hill w/a pretty white porch, little pink curtains, & a white picket fence.

and then it blew up.
-the above paraphrases a poem i plagiarized & had published in a literary magazine, i think at the JC level... amazing!... here's the other one:
-little birdy on the tree with lovely breast of red
-i brought the window slowly down & crushed its little head.
- certainly i stole that one, too, & now the sentiment horrifies me. the other day in a conversation about mad, my favorite rag when i was a child, this jerk i know sputtered, "i hate that magazine! i was this innocent little kid & it turned me into a smarmy smart-a** cynic!" ... the comment perturbed & disturbed me. did mad hip me to society's absurdity or turn me into a snickering lout?? yes, probably both. such Qs only are pondered by people like me: middle-class, spare-timing, fleet-fingered, monkey-minded. no one cares in kansas or kathmandu, nor anyplace else. as they should not.
-my friend candye, the big-hearted, beloved superstar, was dumped recently by a prickly romeo w/pretensions of intellect. she will heal & grow. if rather than move on to his next victim he also should grow, all will be bettered, for no one should live life as an a**hole. it disrespects not just others, but oneself & in the end can lead only to despair. to quote my friend, "i... have spoken." la vie continue.
- evidence of this is i started moving today, to the mountaintop dump-cum-abode. many friends helped! i couldn't stop smiling... how wonderful it is to be supported by others, making me want to do so in return. thanks to mighty philip, mighty randy, the amazon carly, strong patty, smiling mo, mom & dad, & the two young bucks who unloaded the truck on the FP end, nimbly tossing furniture into the house like footballs, or beers, or things much lighter than furniture. all saved me hrs & hrs of work & many bruises, sprained fingers, & sundry hurts. it was move, sweat, & food drink food all day, & i'm grateful to've had the scratch to make it happen. great fun it was to man the big u-haul w/patty & mo shotgun & happy conversation singing thru the cab, singing like my heart.
- tomorrow will be another load, then it's blow this popstand for cleaner air &, i hope, a new life of good health & happiness, w/frequent jogs to bakerspatch & &swellay as well as consistent visits from friends & family.
- lastly, our show tonight was cancelled last second!! i was solemnly prepared to move all day, then grimly (tho w/big dippy grin on my face) soldier thru 4-hours of gig w/my similarly dog-tired pals, entertaining the crowd thru our exhaustion, humble showpeople that we are... so now instead i sit in my near-naked pad, typing this nonsense.
- all club/bar/saloon owners who promise to pay a flesh-and-blood, practiced, entertaining, fun loving, hard-working band & then last-second pick DJs over musicians should be pantsed & trash-canned!!!!! ... to the devil w/said booze slinger. to da devil!!!
- well, time to sign off. HAPPY WEEKEND TO ALL!! to quote alfred e, from the extraordinary & exalted flexi-disc 45, "it's a GAS!!!"!

the joint is jumpin, it's really jumpin, come in cats & check your hats, i mean this joint is jumpin!

See below for this Saturday's show... Friday's a semi-private deal, no booze, no dope, email me if you are interested... Look what else's up in June! Thanks for spreading the word. :) :)

joon shoze and un feliz dia -- un feliz fin de semana!!

june 4 - private event
june 5 - opening for LEE ROCKER at rockin' roots 2010, stramler park. see flyer below for details.
june 12 - element lounge, bksfld, all night long
june 26 - opening for WHITEBOY JAMES & THE BLUES EXPRESS, vinny's, bakersfield, details to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(no, dusk devils are not breaking up. in fact, when i move, i hope to get together w/musicos in smell - i mean, swellay! we shall see...)
que tengan un buen dia, mis amigos y queridos. :) :)

a long meditation on the horrors of leading a band that includes professional session players, a dd gig, & la vida sonsa

-the other day we got to play w/mark yeary, who truly is an awesome piano player! he has backed many, most famously merle haggard. his physicality & smoothness reminded me of gene taylor - hopping from island to island, square hands always perfectly balanced to attack the keys with strength, speed, & agility. when he sang, too, in a voice somehow both laid-back & energetic, his style still reminded me of gene the boogie-woogie king: muscular yet no effort wasted, soulful but w/lightness of touch. mark yeary is one swinging cat!
-i asked him to play some nola style songs & he did both roberta & some fats domino! his band was really solid, w/steve woods on guitar. two fellows well-known by all but me played trumpet (wow!!!!! a tall man named john...) & saxophone (we did honky-tonk w/him, an elderly fellow probably famous except to this know-nothing). later in the night, ray mcdonald strolled in & smoothly crooned some merle songs...
-i found out i'm not a band leader except w/dds. when you're talking about a band that's practiced only in certain tunes, then you're expected as a unit to follow, there're just too many carcasses to haul thru the mud on a tune that's unknown by even one poor soul.
-yes, mark yeary, the fantastic & famous pianist, wanted me to lead. my playing already was suffering bc i was nervous to play in front of him! but he kept looking @ me to kick it off & i kept looking at him hoping he'd kick it off. some songs would've been great if we didn't do 95 go-arounds, but i wanted to be sure everyone got a chance on every flippin' song. see how polite i am??? there were 85 musicians on the stage & i wanted to give each one a go-around... the set groaned... finally, phil, dear man, stepped in & pulled everyone out of the drink. yes, he's more portable, but his musical direction was also more adept (not to mention he can pull any style out of his can, like a human jukebox). i just wanna go fast! in the presence of fine musicians (except dds), such as folks playing music w/thrilling-to-watch but terrifying-to-accompany finesse, my star does not glimmer or shimmer. it just gets dimmer. and i feel dumber. like a bummer.
- enough already on this; i know. but rats. and dang! still, we all were honored to be around such great musicians... that trumpet just killed me!! i truly had no idea that this kind of & quality of music was going on in bako! i will go back again - to watch! and i think phil will have little problem sitting in... go to julie's branding iron 3rd friday of each month to catch this swell show. it'll just kill you!!
- now here's a flyer for our next show (corrected for a 3rd time!). we also have a private deal on june 4 & a few more pending. i might be moving, but we're not dead, no sir!! one possibility's such a kick. a kick! i'll reveal its secret @ later date... bwahaha
-this eve, my doggies are here (they finally laid down to rest after the border collie spent the 1st hr here bouncing like a jumping bean); i've started packing a tad; the mountaintop residence is turning into an actual abode rather than dump bringing horror to my loved ones; my dear cousin's coming in this wkend from tx; i "get to" make an amend in lotusland (character building & soul-clearing, i hope). next wk, the last of school, i'll hope to have a library party. am gonna miss those kids so much. hope i don't start blubbering too much. wouldn't want my dear students to cry even one tear, not a one. i hope i'll always remember them, least as long as i'm on this wild blue.
washington irving: "there is a sacredness in tears. they are not the mark of weakness, but of power. they speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. they are messengers of overwhelming grief... & unspeakable love.”

tell yor friends

see above

if nothing changes, nothing changes

music i used to listen to: manic depression is touching my soul i know what i want but i just don't know how to go about gettin' it feelings sweet feelings drops from my fingers, fingers manic depression is catchin' my soul [man] so weary, the sweet cause of pain you make love, you break love it's all the same when it's over music, sweet music i wish i could caress, caress, caress manic depression is a frustrating mess
well, I think I'll go turn myself off and go on down, all the way down really ain't no use in me hanging around in your kinda scene
und: well, i've been down so g*d* long, well, it looks like up to me (actually, this 1st was a novel by richard farina... still have a copy)
the good thing in all this is, the only way from here is up. otra ves. ein andere. again. etc.
today was dad's bd & tomorrow's mother's day & surrounded by love, giving all i can of it, life goes on. ob-la-di, ob-la-da.

good timing/carpe diem!

we don't have any immediate gigs... but what serendipitous timing! phil is w/his family, mark's w/silence club, randy's knee-deep in the good times, & my home in the mountains just closed!! went there yesterday to mt w/handyman, hope to go back today to see bout getting some paint on the walls, oh wow - can't believe i'm gonna live someplace so beautiful!... however, it's gonna take a bit to get in there since it's a super fixer-upper, to put it mildly, if i haven't said so already. the drive home last night from there was spectacular; the mountains & colors just make my heart swell.
pix to stir your imagination (do mine, anyway):
where i'd like to be:
how i'm feeling right now:
my bud & everyone else's: sacre bleu; carpe diem; hail hail rocknroll; wail, baby, wail!

wow.

at 1st, i thought this was the picnic where we'll play at noon, but then maybe it was hart pk, but i don't think it's either. still, what a shot. :) this morn i'm listening to NPR &the birds are singing joyously. my house is in escrow, the sun is shining, & later i get to see 100s of friends, then my little beautiful cousin, who is having her 1st communion. today is a good day, & may it be for you, as well.

evol.

- wasn't that the name of a sonic youth LP? on the front was this snarling, crawling monstrous chick... my brand of love's just backwards, & tho i've been snarling & monstrous in my time, i hope my brand of love's not. love in my estimation is noble, brave, kind, generous, heart-swelling, hormonal, obsessive, lascivious, perverse, etc. etc., but also awkward, oblique, bashful, stumbling, bumbling, stupefying, stupid-making: evol.
- my band practiced here tonight. stripped down, all sounded so grand & smart & fun & exciting... i want to record us next time we practice at my little place... yes, after i got over my pity party (the guys are much better musicians than am i), we sure had fun, i think. :) yes, this wkend we're playing a sober picnic... then markoni gets to go play the beerfest. priceless! from the sober drunks to the drunk drunks - what a capper! just goes to show reality trumps fantasy in the departments of interesting, weird, & funny. :)
- this past wkend, my sis & i did a 5k. i'll let her tell you about it, tho i'll say it was her 1st... here's a pic of us (from andy noise) w/my hair flying attractively. not. it sure was fun to share that experience w/my little sissy, tho. :)
- then sunday this man & i went to venice beach & saw the creature pictured. i said, "you are awesome!!!" & he replied placidly, "you have to take root before you can branch out..." on the sand, a crush of stoned youngsters & hippies & more were beating out a gigantic drum circle-dervish to celebrate "4/20," which you either dig ref to or do not. i didn't really, til the big man told me, cause in my old life, every day was 4/20.
- lastly, here's a pic that needs no explanation.

wop-bob-a-loo-wop a wop bam boom

music is love & friendship, passion & excitement, peace, catharsis, joy. and kicks!!!
without music, life wouldn't be worth a fig.

i can shake a chicken in the middle of the room

- boy, last night's show at the branding iron was fun fun fun. :) 1st, phil & i met w/a couple opening a diner downtown at 19th & eye - they've got 45s glued along the tops of the walls all around the whole gigantic place! i looked @ most all (hundreds) & didn't see any that'd make a vinylphile cry if he/she saw it glued... we loaded in & then @ the last sec i had to speed home cause i'd forgotten to bring the plug for the PA head. ahhhh!!! then we played a (sort of) mellow little set bc it was early, & the crowd was very appreciative & happy & warm. by 2nd set we screwed it down quite a bit more & by 3rd set, robert tidwell was there screaming his mike ness versions of rockabilly tunes & phil even improvised a jazzy blues-billy thing when i left the floor to go answer a Q from an audience member & i so love riffing like that, tho i know sometimes it can be hair-raising, like when you don't know where the song's going next & just have to use your ear... all tight on the stage together, we cozied in & it felt swell to play together, like we were one unit rather than 4 separate souls.
- we met art byrom, who was really nice & complimentary, & i just loved how all the women in particular kept getting out to dance together, like the band & i were empowering them (i never really noticed a common theme running thru our songs - not just of sex, but of a certain independence) & several times i saw people singing along not just our covers, but w/MY ORIGINAL SONGS!!! - yes, looking @ me while i played & singing MY SONGS w/smiles on their faces... oh my gosh, that was too too cool!
- here's a pic from lovely angel of when i got on bass for a minute bc mark claimed he didn't know how to play johnny b. goode (i think he wanted to go burn one) - that bass was huge & heavy! but the pic's kind of cool. :) mark & phil were just hilarious throughout the show, what comedians. and the ladies really like phil, who always dresses up smart for the shows... he had some crazy running joke about chickens going all night & i realized we do two songs that mention them! i couldn't even sing "let's have a party" for the longest time bc i'd crack up when it comes to the line "i can shake a chicken in the middle of the room"... sometimes i still do laugh when i get there, but it's ok, it's all ok, we're sharing in the happiness of the room. :) next we need to add in the cramps' version of "chicken," tho i guess we'd have to do the dusk devils' version, since no one can well-imitate the cramps!!
- then we all went to zingo's & shared egg sandwich, biscuits, & country potatoes. i came home & everything went to crap. that morning had been so calm & peaceful, walking the labyrinth at st philip's & enjoying the lovely weather, & this morning's going to be good & beautiful & it's off to the drunk society where i'll be w/good good people, so life goes on til it doesn't, & then who knows what'll happen? ashes to ashes, dust to dust, make hay while sun shines, we must we must...

elaborations, fascinations, celebrations, admirations,

ok, so to explain the below pix:
1. dancing - those were from the al hendrix show we did w/al & token okies at ethel's. beforehand, phil & i practiced over at robt tidwell's beautiful italianate home in the country w/rt, franky kiplinger & kirby shropshire, who are mensches. then al came to town w/sweet wife laraine & we practiced again. the show was swell & fun & loaded w/bikers & al kept throwing me unannounced solos, prefacing each w/"here's jenny angel! jerry lee better watch out!" so then i'd choke real good, tho a few times i caught the right ideas & notes & it was kinda like flying, what exhilaration... mom, dad, angie & friends showed up, & one of my favorite persons on earth came in as we did "i push right over." that was really cool. al played well, super-rocking, even, &, of course, the phil was dressed to the nines. afterwards, he & i had really great ethel's hotdogs & fries & i am going to start him a fan club, mebbe... we dusk devils pretty much blew out the pa, tho not on purpose. am starting to think the piano, the mightiest instrument of all, is a formidable beast to pile on a pinche PA used only to 4 or 5 strings instruments... 88 keys pounding down like thunder, well, the PA is gonna be pretty much doomed sometimes...
2. ok, so then i  went snowshoeing again (only nearly fell to my death from the side of a steep snow-covered mountain this time; no injurious falls except when i tried to jump from bunk bed to king bed, forgetting i am decades beyond 10 years old, but @ least i didn't crack my head, like last time)... was eating in the dining hall & after the 1st taste looked @ each other in wonderment: this food was just spectacular!!! long story short, since i've gotta go to bed soon, is the chef somehow was talli counsel, the 1st african-american white house chef, chef for presidents carter, clinton, &, yes, obama. there he was, beaming broadly, chatting up the lodge-stayers, dressed in fine pressed black uniform that bore proudly the seal of the president of the united states! chef talli said he plans menus & travels w/the obama family when they go places on air force one. & he had cooked dinner!! all were eating a meal fit for a president! naturally, it was one of the most mouth-watering, scrumptious meals i've ever had: jumbo prawns, pesto ravioli, feta-stuffed lamb w/raspberry coulis, pumpkin-sweet potato pie, & even more than that - must pause to wipe drool from chin... how chef talli ended up cooking that night @ kings canyon's montecito lodge, well, i have no notion, only gratitude! (did i mention the food was free? included w/lodging? merciful heaven...)
3. ok, whiteboy james: he rocked the doubletree for pat evans' no stinkin' service charge blues series. his band was spectacular & james was so crazy fun & terrific! it kinda made me crazy, too, actually... after ending one exciting lead, scott abeyta weaved, panting, sweating, dazed, like he was gonna faint! the whole band was that much into the intense performance! the bakersfield audience was blown away, screaming for more. but james & the blues express left the stage, & pat declared, grinning, "i'd hate to follow that!" wbj & i chatted & bussed before & after the show; he is super-friendly & cute & funny & ingratiating & well-liked by many, many. i hope he comes back soon!! as i left, a large man grabbed my arm & enthused, "you guys need to open for them!!" i agree. that would be one fun, crazy-a** show, all right. :)
4. mi casa - i think i've gotten a place in frazier park, for the bottom line is that my choice @ this pt is breathe or die. the house is @ 5000 ft elevation. it's on a largish lot & backs up to national forest! you can stand in back & hear the wind rustling thru the trees! the house looks from the side like a hotel, which i really like, & has wrought iron railings, which reminds me of NOLA, so of course i'm in love w/the place, which to call a "fixer upper" would be a compliment. :) my family is horrified. restoring it will be my summer project. i can't wait! i love my house. from the second i saw it, i imagined how it will look when it gets some tender loving care. i had a vision! i'll fence the large yard & my doggies will come visit. i will listen to the trees. i will get calm. i will be able to breathe. :)
5. no pix on this, but am back to work. i missed so many of the kids so much while i was out, more than i even knew til i saw their sweet faces!!! i brought them lucky pennies w/a little note from me, thinking, they might not value these, but it feels right to give them out... the word's gotten round, & now lots of kids are coming in the library for their lucky pennies. one boy told me his penny fell on the floor; he went to pick it up & found 12 bucks. two came in today & told me, "the lucky pennies work! they brought us good luck! we won our soccer game!"
what could be better than stories like this? children big & small are the breath of life, the reason to keep trying, our future, our innocence & hope, & our joy.
time for bed! what a life! whatta whatta! mwah!

long long long long time since blogging

am back to work! the kids are so swell. :) will fill this in later meanwhiles, here are pix...

the lost rocker

messiness & gratitudes

-while i was at sansum clinic, the weather in sb was perfect. i got to eat at some of my favorite restaurants like petrini's & cajun kitchen. mama enjoyed the hostel-like, reasonably-priced hotel, half residents on ssi, half europeans w/large backpacks, paper cranes covering the lobby ceiling, university bookstore volumes in the shelves. it rained like heck a few days. the stately library had an awesome book sale: sherman alexie, russian short stories, all for $1.50. the drs at sansum were, to a one, kindly & friendly, taking their time to assess me. i've never gotten such care from traditional medicine except one day prior, in bakersfield, from an endocrinologist whom i immediately liked, w/his humble sweater, patient air, & scuffed shoes. the problems between my ears already have been being treated for about one month; after one psychotic episode & meds adjustment, i can gratefully say that i feel like my old self, but w/o as much nervousness & disquiet... my sansum test results: perfect hearing; severe allergies (i knew that, but each person who walked in to observe my skin test saw my inflamed back & exclaimed, "boy, YOU'VE got some ALLERGIES!!"); sinus tests still out; & best of all, NO THYROID CANCER, tho one set of tests is still out.
there is much for which to be grateful. amor vincit omnia. amicitiae nostrae spero sempiternum fore! happy wkend, friends. :)

yurt, dome, or yome? & "you gotta dig a little deeper": the best movie in town's at the dollar theatre

have caught on fire w/house-hunting mania (quietly, tremblingly so, from my computer here)... what variety of properties the mtns have! have put 2 bids in in last 2 days... we'll see! meanwhile, for the property i hope to get, shall i add to it a yurt, dome, or yome? google these terms together, & fascinating sites on alternative dwellings come up... next, here are pix from my favorite movie of late. a magical valentine to nola rather than a glossing-over of jim crow & the plantation era, as have heard it described, it has wonderful vernacular joyful songs, inspired voice acting, beautiful color & animation, lovable characters, & of course, all set in new orleans, so the enamored & noble little firefly speaks gentle mumbly-mouthed cajun; the villain is basso purple-clad voodoo bad (his human disneyland imitators resemble esquerita or screamin jay, & how cool is that?); the gigantically happy bashful sidekick gator blows horn & is named after jordan, armstrong, or prima, take your pick; & the rescuer is a toe-cracking, cackling, gospel-singing little blind hoodoo lady named mama odie. the princess & the frog plays now in bakersfield at the dollar theatre - go see it, if you haven't! "dreams do come true in new orleans"... the city is pure enchantment, despite hardships; this movie celebrates that & i believe aids in the ongoing rebuild of the crescent city's spirit, as did the recent victory of the saints... hope you'll see it, or already have. :)

tweedeedeedeedeedle-eedee / "the greatest wealth is health" (virgil)

- was surprised to find this video on youtube! it's the only one i've seen where i'm clearly reading words as i sing (taped to the piano) - now i know i need to smile more when i'm doing that! was happy, tho, to hear my voice problems at that time weren't too apparent.
-please watch & rate the video (if you like it, that is) :)
-another on youtube from that same night also is under sofein's videos... if you will, please watch & rate it, too (again, if you like it, that is...) :)

-speaking of sofein, was sposed to lunch w/him yesterday in frazier pk, where i went bc 1) had no doctor's appts yesterday; & 2) have concluded i must move from bakersfield before summer hits if i'm to continue to live... looking back on this blog, i realize i've been sick now for SIX YEARS (tho probably longer, since this blog only goes 5 or so)!! i've had to conclude my poor health is due to the filthy air here, unfortunately, since i do love so much about backwardsfield, tho it's like a bad relationship, as i've said, one you can't get rid of but sometimes surprises you by being a real good time... art is going thru bereavement following the recent passing a very dear friend, grief that expressed itself in his back, so staying home in his hollywood bed, he was able to rest & i was able to be super-busy w/realtors. i was delighted by the variety of properties in frazier park! - left w/a feeling of real excitement. ideally, w/a place there, i'll be close enough to bako to see family, loved ones, doggies, dusk devils (& maybe find a band in socal, too!) & still live in a place where i can jog, hike, maybe rest & find peace, but most importantly, GOOD HEALTH!!!!
- found out the other day too that i have a bona fide "other" health condition besides thyroid & sinus/allergy problems... it was sort of a shameful moment of realization, but now, like realizing & facing alcoholism, i can accept a solution. some say "there are no accidents"... i dunno bout that, but perhaps all this bad health news will lead to a better & happier life for me & those who care about me.
- i agree 100% w/the following: "in order to change, we must be sick & tired of being sick & tired" (unknown) or, put another way, "to goodness and wisdom we only make promises; pain we obey" (proust).
-a few more truths & jewels: "joy and temperance and repose / slam the door on the doctor's nose" (longfellow).
- "diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body" (cicero).
- "a good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book" (irish proverb).
- and lastly, for myself & for you, if this be your problem, too, i second that "mens sana in corpore sano" (your prayer must be for a sound mind in a sound body) (juvenal). rock, rock, rocknroll, the feeling is there, body & soul...

all plans for now are cancelled.

sorry if this inconveniences anyone. have a nice weekend.

happy vday blablabla & the axe falleth

- just finished a bunch of valentines for the kids at my school, tho i'm not there. could only recall them as a whole (about 100) by going into the online library program & selecting my top patrons, then going thru kids' names & trying to match w/faces. can't believe it's so difficult to remember after just a few wks away from school, but i guess that's typical of the state i'm in (not golden...)... my personal, prized valentines are universal monster ones my sister gave me one yr, but i never fill them out & give them away; i just keep them, which mebbe is valentine abuse, as having a drink & setting it down bc you're "starting to feel it" is alcohol abuse (well, just kidding, sort of...). here are a few valentines that are similar to mine; one i think's real pretty (the bride truly made the wrong choice).
- yesterday i got some bad health AND work news, sort of a double-whammy, but i spose all happens for a reason, be careful what you wish for, take your lumps & keep moving forward, as long you're not pushing up daisies, there's hope... but the poor kids; that's what kills me. at my school, these cuts (not that they had much before) leave them w/nearly zero enrichment, nearly zero for those who need it most. i'm too beat to get on the soapbox, but really, it's not just disheartening, but seemingly evil, or maybe more apt, callous & greedy, that the dedicated counselor; the talented clerk who organizes all the special school events & provides the extra niceties that make the school warm & inviting; & yo are cut by the district while (mama calls them) the "hallwalkers" & politicians downtown remain. my boss is a swell guy; i can only imagine how stressful this whole mess must be for him... :(
- i need to get to band practice. hope i can sing. either way, it'll be so swell to see the guys. :) in summation, the world keeps turning, & happy vday to all. may we all recall the many forms of love & not feel one bit lonely this time of yr... an article i read in a back issue of utne reader wrote of these wisdoms from a kenyan culture: love your community; trust your elders; don't fear death. these words to me speak of true love, a recipe for happy life. nuff for now.
- ps - the lost rocker, al hendrix, will be at the crystal palace fri & sat night around 930 pm, doing a mini-set w/the token okies, & i get to sit in, if buckaroo jim shaw will let me use his piano. so come on down, everyone!!!

LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. go to this link: http://www.rockabilly.nl/
2. click on "Latest Additions"
3. click on the 2nd link, "Jenny Angel and the Dusk Devils"
thank you, memphis mike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, receding hairlines are associated w/elevated testosterone levels... whiteboy & the lost rocker

well, i'm glad i'm a videonut today, cause look what i found!!!
whiteboy james & the blues express is coming to town fri march 26 as pt of pat evans' no stinkin' service charge blues series!! keep your eyes out for venue & ticket price... you will love this guy! the 2nd song below really flipped my ears, sounding like phil alvin fronting the paladins in their early days!!!! talk about teeth-gnashing pogoing laughing grinding intensely thrilling fun... yes, i will periodically on here remind you, dear reader, that the one & only whiteboy james will soon come to town, & w/any luck, the lost rocker al hendrix will be there that same wkend on his way to viva las vegas! more info as i get it. :)

WHITEBOY JAMES and the BLUES EXPRESS

LINE 9 BLUES REVIEW | MySpace Video

WHITEBOY JAMES AND THE BLUES EXPRESS

LINE 9 BLUES REVIEW | MySpace Video

the great dane & the great proboscis

it's been wks & i still really have no singing voice. have been babying it, hoping it comes back. dratted vocal chords!!! dratted insane snarling growling singing style!!! if i were a crooner, i'd be back at it by now!!
oh well.
yes, have been home a lot, so've been playing lots of piano. lots of classical, actually, trying to rebuild dexterity, also just for enjoyment, variety. forgot til these past wks about the many composers i really love! most recently: mussorgsky, faure, kabelevsky, brahms, tchaikovsky, the bach inventions, of course... then there are the czerny books; oh, how i loved czerny exercises when i was a kid! i think the repetition calmed my ocd tendencies, mebbe.
here are some videos i love, both sort of piano-related, from the great dane & the great proboscis (the latter is the only thespian i can think of who acts w/his nose).

favorite dog videos

-whistling puppy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHAshi4vdbg&feature=related
-"i love you": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXo3NFqkaRM&NR=1&feature=fvwp
-puppy falling asleep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCYaw5tGYAs
-intelligent border collie puppy (roscoe is just as smart, tho not as trained): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf0Vr0MSdHg#watch-main-area
-this is what gusgus looked like when we came home on the plane from texas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yCulYWicQc

gratitudes

(in no order)
1. aunty rita is getting out of the hospital
2. drummer randy got out of the hospital
3. phil & mark, funny generous buds
4. beautiful clear blue skies above & snow-capped mountains surrounding this usually smog-choked valley
5. sister angie visiting & cheering me up
6. noble, kindly former spouse
8. amy the angel, squarely in my corner
9. friends of bill
10. the pic above: drummer randy smiling confidently :)

14 days of plague

this is getting really ridiculous. and probably dangerous. i hope the rx today will bring help. mama says i need to insist that they help me.
going to lie down.
may you be better than i am.

day 10 of plague, fun w/dusk devils, the stupid poison of self-doubt, the juanenos & dear grandma mary live on

this is day 10 of my plague. but i know i will get better. so andale.
1st angel said we were "too good for bakersfield" (she is so sweet), then randy flattered the crap out of me the other night after treating the band to dinner @ the crystal palace (where token okies played). we had laughs, a ton of food, mark & i fought over the gigantic desserts (the mud pie was spectacular), then said our goodbyes & it was then that randy proceeded to say i was about the coolest thing since sliced bread. he is excited about the band! his enthusiasm is so neat to see! i felt very grateful! :however, also a bit like a weasel, for i fear i'd prompted his compliments by being too typically self-deprecating (tho, in my view, realistic) in stating that if we DO have professional photographers shoot us (the guys've been talking about this), i would prefer the cameras be ABOVE my head, not below, the latter not being exactly the most favorable angle for a middle-aged gal... randy, what a mensch, disagreed & basically said i had no bad angle.
well, if you go to youtube, you will see the latest video from the elvis show. and i will leave it to you to decide if being filmed beneath the chin really is my best angle. personally i think the shots on the big screen behind me look much better! anyways, thank you, franklin o & art, for posting our video. am thinking of barnum now... no publicity's bad pub...
........
...
suddenly pictured mama smacking me for writing all of this at all. she says my sister & i spend too much time worrying about our looks, & rereading this, well, i guess she's right! body dysmorphia plagues all american women to some degree, tho, says my friend. & lately i've been really thinking about a beautiful & talented woman i know named candye & how proud she is of her plus-sized frame, & how full of self-confidence & sexiness & awesomeness & courage she is & i feel a little foolish for worrying about this dumb sack of bones & skin "i" presently inhabit. so maybe if i live to be 100, i'll be over all this & will see it's what's on the inside that matters, & even if the world might judge me by my outsides at times, why the heck should i do that? how does that insanity help one bit? thanatos or eros: what do i choose? or rather, what SHOULD i choose?? life's just too short to boo-hoo about one's shortcomings. too dang short!!!
today we went to uc irvine, my family & i, to make sure we stay on the juaneno rolls. we went in honor of grandma mary, who always wanted to see the tribe, her tribe, be recognized. this is supposed to be the year it happens! am trying not too be too cynical about the whole thing, wondering why in the world the u.s. gov would give prime so-cal real estate to a group of indians. maybe in grandma's memory; maybe in the name of miracle; maybe in the name of mercy & fairness; maybe it will happen. why not hold the hope? there were 1500 people there today, a huge crush, a far larger swarm than the 100 or so they'd anticipated, of medium-hued & tan people w/long straight black or graying hair who'd traveled from as far as arizona, lots of people who looked kind of like my sister & i, several who touchingly (for us all) resembled grandma mary enough that mama looked so happy, & dad teared up, & i felt comfortable, & maybe these were our people, after all, maybe i DO belong someplace on this earth. the star people, the acjachemen, the juaneno band of mission indians live on, exist, thrive, recognize one another, & maybe in 2010, will be "recognized" by the united states of america. i do hold the hope, mostly in honor of prudencia maria antonia elizabeth ollivares forquera, who ate abalone & mussels & played w/her brothers & sisters & was adored by her father & grew up along the shores of san juan capistrano, then los angeles, then pond, then finally delano, where she became our beloved grandma mary, whose memory we so cherish & hold dear in our hearts. maybe for her & all those like her, the beloved & departed ones, the juanenos will be "recognized."

elvis show report

had been in bed for 2 days, but was reminded the show must go on, so suited up & waited for a  friend to drive me to the elvis show. he showed up late, so already i was in a mild state of panic. then we got lost! argghhh! before that, as we ascended the grapevine, i felt pressure in my ears & the left one closed up – whop! it stayed that way for 18 hours!!! when i was singing, i could only partially hear what i was doing – this is 2 shows now i’ve done not in good voice! anyways, the place was packed & you should’ve seen all the cameras flashing! people cheered & laughed. art had us do 3 songs! he threw his head back & yelled “yaaaay!” at the end of my babe. yes, there was a great, positive energy in the place. the guy who brought me said, “so this is your thing; you're in your element.” he doesn’t listen to rocknroll, but i could tell it was lighting him up, anyways. no one can resist the pull, the fun, the oomph of this music! he commented on how amazing it was that once i’d been a fan & now i get to be on stage. i told him that yes, w/much elbow grease, much trying & trying, much tenacity, i did get to be up there now, & yes, it was amazing! w/my sites only on fun, & by stepping into it & taking an active pt, i get to take a dip in the "stream of music," as phil alvin described it.
my band mates were happy. randy & i had a red bull shot; that helped my energy level for a while. we hung out a lot with whiteboy james, who is cute & funny & gracious & crazy-nice. “how’d you like to have jenny for a librarian?” he crowed, when told what i did. james has the rubberiest face & is totally into universal monster movies. he stole the early hrs of the show singing “trying to get to you”! what a terrific voice & stage presence the guy has! phil alvin sauntered up, emperor-like, in a red sharkskin-like zoot suit he’d gotten for 6 bucks. he planted his lips on my cheek & kept them there for a good ½ minute while my friend snapped a pic. wow! carlos guitarlos was funny & “a dirty old man,” said philbert. we took a pic & he prodded me & commented extensively on the size of my waist (small). i said hello to count smokula (who performed w/screamin’ jay-like nose bone), lynda kay, paul body, south bay surfers david, ronnie blakely, rip masters, greasey george, danny dean, skip edwards, todd eckhart, lisa, blasters, mike vernon, john palmer, jessie fein, lisa finnie, dave raven, marty rifkin, etc. etc. manuel was sick & wasn't there! :( john k showed up from bakersfield w/his lovely daughters! dave alvin came in w/his hollywood-beautiful girlfriend, all decked out in elvis leather. michelle shocked gave an eccentric performance, looking like the little tramp. groovy rednecks were hilarious, as usual! before carlos went on, art told to him to keep it short bc the show was running over, so what did he do? a 12 min version of “shake rattle & roll,” w/all instruments taking 2, even 3 goes-around & a sing-along w/the audience! these guys like to rattle poor art’s cage, for sure. despite it, art ran around w/that happy, glazed smile on his face. the joint was jumping! his show was a huge success! candye kane showed up in her feathery splendor & giant, warm smile & tore up the stage w/a fiery version of “bear cat/hound dog”! she & laura chavez & drummer, son evan, were nice & friendly & warm as ever. earlier, i’d heard phil alvin saying the blasters would do “american trilogy,” but i thought he was kidding. well, they were up last, & they indeed did do it! i was blown away… phil took what could’ve been corny, ironic, a diss & delivered it w/such sincere power, it knocked everyone on their ears. he never plays to the hipsters; he plays to the music. w/his magnificent confidence, “american trilogy” was powerful, so memorable! then, in a move that just killed me, they went into “do the clam”… i was blown away by the coolness of his song choices! :) whiteboy james & i stood together in the crowd & laughed & laughed, instand friends! then the show was over & phil drove randy & i home. phil is a bull! he had worked all day & was up near-24 hrs by the time he dropped me at my doorstep. i just love my band, made new friends, saw a lot of familiar faces, had another memorable elvis night. since then, i’ve been lying around limp as a noodle due to stupid head. tho the ear has opened up, i still feel pressure on both sides, as well as pain, malaise, bleh… stupid, stupid head!! again, if only i could get around w/o it, i’d be fine!!
happy bd to the king of rocknroll, & thank you to art & ronnie mack for having us once again at the show! :) i couldn't be luckier, really.

happy birthday, elvis; dusk devils in LA times