larry r.i.p.

a long time ago, many life chapters ago, i had a younger boyfriend & his best friend was named larry. larry's name around town with some was "scary larry" bc he had the most morbid taste you could imagine in that pre-internet era! hanging out with larry & friends meant a night of very heavy drinking, maybe some psychedelics, listening to records, & watching disturbing videos, some i wish to this day i could erase from my memory, but much that were so cool, like john waters & russ meyer films... always, always we listened to the cramps. we worshipped the cramps! we all still do, living or dead! shantell -- the tough-looking gal with the soulful gaze & sweet friendly voice, bakersfield punk rock drummer, underground dj, & lifelong dear friend of larry's -- wrote that now larry's in heaven with lux. i hope so. i hope they all are there, all the ones who ravaged themselves to death with booze & drugs & loneliness & wild &/or long nights too many... i was turned on to so much fantastic outsider americana/punk at this time, being around larry, from hasil adkins to the legendary stardust cowboy & esquerita, screamin' jay hawkins, the gun club, the mummies, real rockabilly (not the polished pop barf variety, but the sincere but tough unwashed no-BS raw kind)... the list goes on & on...
larry elected to become a mortician & his school death mask, i remember, was of ed gein. it was quite artfully wrought, of course, for in my experience, the most creative people are not just tortured into self-loathing or insanity in some ways, they're also the most highly talented in many ways, being probably more touched by the divine, maybe icarus-like closer to the sun tho they may not even realize it, to the eternal flames, to immortality that conversely brings rushed mortality... i am rambling because i am sad.
we were in the motel the night before roadshow revival when i learned larry had died. earlier in the day we'd rushed to RSR to see our favorite band, our hero, james's life-long friend & mentor & my teenaged-thru-age-40+ object of adoration & lust & were shocked to tears by what we saw... the musician lifestyle is ravenous, just devastating to healthy longevity; so sad, tragic, heartbreaking, whatever you want to call it that the brightest, most bursting talents end up crashing so hard (see above)... so i already was pretty depressed when learned about larry.
i always knew larry was a loving, sweet guy under all the dark interests. but turns out the morbidity that turned him toward the profession of mortician, along with his love of outsiders, created a champion who was brave & determined to help when people lost their loved ones. story after story told of larry caring for the grieving, going the extra distance to help loved ones at their saddest moments. he didn't just dress corpses, but made sure people could say goodbye to their girlfriends, parents, & other loved ones in the most dignified, protected manner... in other words, i found out my friend "scary larry" was in some ways a saint.
then i found out he had "drank himself to death," & the floor fell away.
alcohol is a demon. i really believe it should be outlawed, except then it just would go underground & still would be used, would even thrive in use. we who have the itch, who cannot steadily be in the flow of g.o.d., want what we cannot have & that want often is for something ruinous. again, i think that's bc the craving for the divine turns in the wrong direction & becomes a craven lust, tho most anyone would laugh if i told them that in that way, so i'm writing it instead... were i fundamentalist, i think i'd describe it as god vs the devil, the almighty struggle for our souls, but that implies we're puppets instead of beings with free will, but then again sometimes the simplicity of the religious story (i don't mean that disparagingly) makes a lot of sense to me, efficiently eliminating the gray, like when i'm really sad...
yes, alcohol is demon, destroyer of families, ultimately a foul tidal wave drowning love, self-respect, lives, soul. if you mess with this nasty, filthy drug, be warned: it might kill you & devastate everyone who loves you. now don't think, please, if i see you drinking that i will condemn you: no. you are the only one who knows if you take a drink, the drink takes you. if that's the case, STOP! if it's not, continue drinking. have fun! i guess some do, tho that's not the case for me, nor too many people i have loved who no longer live because they just wanted to drink, not realizing there was no case of want: they HAD to drink.
one of the biggest blessings of the fact that i had to stop my alcoholic drinking on july 4, 1995 is that i have not broken my mother's heart since then. i've had sad things happen, have made stupid decisions, have made her worry, but break her heart? no longer. i am so grateful for that...
++++++++++++
james shocked the crap out of everyone who saw him at RSR: the human comet named james hit that stage & blew it to bits! afterward, full bore, he continued to whirl & smash his way around the grounds until he went out like a firework. he's in rest period right now, but the show advertised on this poster i made this morning is happening saturday, & he'll be back at his powerful full-steam by then, so i hope you'll go.
now back to teaching duties, for i am going back into the classroom come august, i do believe. i am creative, but i am not one of The Creatives. therefore i suffer, have artistic & emotional angsts [sic], but basically am a mere workingman kind of artist, a crazy pragmatist, salieri to the mozarts around me.... ok, whatever: better stop writing now because i'm boring myself. please come to the show, if you can!

this weekend...

whiteboy james & the blues express plays this friday at sammy's original in lake forest ca & sunday 1 pm at the roadshow revival festival in ventura ca (see www.whiteboyjames.com for details). at bottom's the front & back of a flyer i made up we'll distribute at the fest. we opted to not sell merch. we don't want to give up even a penny. it's gonna be a good bunch of fun! i think fans will go nuts when the see james just being james!
just walked home from library. big uphill! high elevation! it's summer on the mountain, pretty hot (though with breezes blowing, thank goodness)! my favorite part of the walk/hike home is when i get to the cut-off point where i can take a short cut, climbing about 15-20 ft up the side of the road via a rope somebody thoughtfully tied to a shrub at top. it's a rugged detour, but rewarding: you gotta use your muscles, you gotta stretch, you can't be a weakling!
my "lunch at the library" job for june-july has been dubbed "the library workout" by boss marie: we put up & break down 10 tables & 70 chairs! between all the gigs & this, i lost 5 lbs last week, even with stupid thyroiditis & middle age & bad eating habits influenced by ravenous james, who eats like a hibernating beast, or like he might have a tape worm, but likely like a creature with high-gear hyper-manic metabolism... i can't eat like that, so am grateful to enjoy exercise & have opportunity lately to do more!
last wk i built a "meditation shack" on the back 40. my counselor-lady recommended i have a place to go meditate & pray, so i got a bunch of scrap lumber & nails & paint we already had & built a little place at the top of the hill in "the back yard" (leading to the national forest). happily, the view within is glorious. i cogitated a bit before starting construction, such as how to build it & where to put it, but didn't give a thought to view, so that was one pleasing coincidence.
i need to crawl in there & commune with the Great Spirit or Pumpkin or Singularity or whatever Good Grandness i only amorphously understand but do feel in a definite, visceral, even at times forceful sense -- anyways, think & surrender a bit about what to do with my career path. am grateful to be wanted in a few different fields, but the thought of giving up this bohemian lifestyle of 6 yrs' running to again step onto the path of job respectability, security & big bucks is... intimidating.
well, here's the flyer.  if you wanna order anything, just follow the directions & we'll send you some WBJ swag... tho please don't hold your breathe bc we can be a little tiny wee bit inefficient around here in getting tasks promptly completed (you WILL get your stuff, tho! you WILL!) :D

binge

i have declared as my sworn enemy from this day forward the edible crack called crunch 'n' munch.

thurs june 16 in frazier park!

- finally we're local! no big drives to get to a show! - we have been having more fun lately, tho, using GPS to avoid LA freeway, giving us opportunity to explore new neighborhoods & see more of the city... smellay! the sprawling, brawling metropolis! so huge, so fascinating, such a beautiful mess! i love LA! (do not cue song, please...)
- two nights ago we were in long beach & tonight we're again in long beach at shenanigans and next week will be someplace else: check www.whiteboyjames.com for more info!
- what's up with you? i do ask; please comment, if you will! nothing new here, i don't think... just lots of gigs, & next week starting more library work! laborare est orare...

- brother doug won the humanitarian of the year award at last week's beautiful bakersfield award. dang that guy, we all were sitting there at the banquet table & asked what he was doing. calmly, humbly, he said, "writing my acceptance speech." i almost laughed! foolhardiness? arrogance? no! he then won the award! i actually screamed out loud when they called his name. i haven't screamed since riding a roller coaster at six flags magic mountain in 1994. or maybe it was the wooden one on the santa cruz boardwalk in 1997. point is, i don't scream, but scream, i did. it was a beautiful & humbling evening for all; i believe we all were filled with a hushed sense of expectancy afterward, of wondrous portent: doug will continue to do greater  & greater things. will the rest of us follow in our own ways? what will we do with the gifts we have been given? what will YOU do?
- then last week the champ passed away. the beautiful, brave, big-mouthed, big-hearted champ from the crib! james was felled, devastated: so many were! i reflected it might be more of a big deal for men: men of the 60s-70s had astronauts, nfl, bruce lee, elvis, evel knievel (ok, he was a  butthole, awesomely brave or fierce or maybe just awesomely stupid, but he WAS awesomely something!), frazier, foreman, ali... who have we women had for superheroes? (hmmm... gloria steinem? maybe in another universe where she wouldn't've been perceived as such a threat with her combo of goddessy looks & intellect) -- even with that said, ali WAS a superhero in my eyes, too, as well as the most magnificent male specimen this side of johnny weismuller and/or elvis: he looked like a GOD! what a matinee idol; what a superhuman!
- rest in peace, muhammad ali, who was gratefully accepting of his parkinson's, who lived in the moment, who said this: "everything i do, i say to myself, 'will god accept this?' sleep is a rehearsal for death. one day you wake up and it's judgment day. so you do good deeds."
- wow!

haircut minus shave = one bit?

james is so photogenic! if i'd grown up with him & paid attention, i might be even a hair as physically charming. he's said repeatedly his high school drama teacher was key in teaching him how to move & use his corpus & especially his face in the most compelling, actorly manner (interpretation mine, of course)... tho training or not, his charisma is not just alluring, but highly unusual! most of us humans are not so dynamic, never will be no matter how much practice, nor can be ready at all times for close-up!
he's a cool cat, my husband. we each have our merits, of course, but i prefer his since they seem to be much more inherent & interesting than mine...

i'm vain, yes,  & terrified on some level of my aging human suit, but deep down i'm most  interested in being the best piano player possible. my mouth may express the contrary, especially around my husband, who is kindly patient in his reassurances. fundamentally, tho, i know the music is more important than my aging face. - also that this, too, shall pass. lastly, realistically, i can't invoke a ban on all photos in which the lighting is bad or in which i'm not smiling (these add 10 years)... and i'm sure not gonna stop playing just cause i'm no longer cute!

these photos came out cool, taken by long-time huge james fan alice diaz... thank you, alice!
will keep the long hair while we are in san francisco this next week... then the hippie locks must go! i had no idea i looked like an old hippie... weird! that's always been quite far from my mind, tho like any sane sentient being, i do believe in peace & love...
the beautiful bakersfield awards are this saturday. brother doug bennett, "a cross between mother teresa & p.t. barnum," is up for an award for his humanitarian work & ministry aiding persons who are being trafficked. (it is called magdalene hope, if you want to look it up.) hope that he wins, but having been nominated yrs ago when i had my underground paper, i know the voting is highly political! (actually, i didn't deserve to win that year: the award went to the kid who does the christmas lights event, 13 yrs later an annual beloved yuletide event at bakersfield's california living museum, aka CALM.)
i haven't been to SF since i finished my MA at the defunct, worthwhile new college in the mission... not any trips i really remember, that is! james & i are anticipating having huge fun. he deserves it! i believe i might, too.
sacre bleu! carpe diem! stay sick, turn blue! hail hail rock & roll! have a nice wan.

chuck berry collectors blog

tried to add this to my blog feed, but blogger won't accept it. this is fascinating stuff: Chuck Berry Collectors Blog ... of course, it is maintained by a german: europeans value & preserve our american music better than we (nation of swine) do, as they proudly will tell you themselves. implicit in their pride is a disdain (justified) for us, talented yet ignorant & spoiled children who don't deserve their own historical musical output, who crap where they eat: this is the feeling i've gotten after talking to european american music fanatics! we should be slapped!
i've got a homespun instructional video of johnnie johnson that i rarely have watched because he doesn't instruct at all, just says things like, "how i play that? just like this," then launches into something without explanation. :D it's kinda funny. from all i've seen in video & read, he was a simple man in temperament, tho a lovely, ferocious master of his musical instrument (i think of  dear manuel, aka, big manny)... but one of the entries on the blog, about the controversy over which pianist was on "johnny b. goode," describes mr johnson as being "forrest gump-like." hmmm.... in my opinion, someone so innately genius on the piano shouldn't be characterized that way.
btw, yesterday was so much enormous fun. the redwood room people are as great as the people in taft: generous, friendly, enthusiastic about the music... and they always serve a terrific feed for all, free! they showed up in droves, the place was packed, they cheered wildly, we played our hearts out, we couldn't've been happier, we kicked butt.
watch out, cirivellos! we will be there thursday in LBC. one member of the blues express says we will "blow their a**es off." (big grin)

abcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefg

can't stop thinking about the piano. a wonderful obsession again has been unleashed, different than when i was a child because now i can improvise, & that just makes playing a whole league more absorbing. gene taylor was right: the piano can be the answer to all of life's problems.
my first best friend, i love you so much, wooden, ivory, plastic, console, upright, spinet, grand, baby grand, stage, keyboard, electric, all 88 keys of you (even if some no longer work...)
here is a pic from last night at sammy's. we kicked major butt. it was so so so so fun.
i love playing music more than nearly anything. hope you have an absorbing healthy passion, as well!
thank you, great spirit, creator of the universe, god in the atoms.
we have lots of shows upcoming. here is the website: james's website (i'm in there, too)

taking a walk in the woods after having taken a walk in the woods with you

now i cannot see
the blight everywhere
(modified, by maureen n. mclane)

photo by mama

life is but a dream.

photo: unknown

i truly have no idea at all what will happen from moment to moment in this chapter of my life.

just read a post from 2013 that -- according to this site's stats -- someone had pulled up & was reminded that this life is short, so i must remember to enjoy what is left of it, however that can be possible... whiteboy james & the blues express will play at shenanigans in shoreline village, long beach ca this upcoming saturday, an early show, 1-5 pm, i think... be there early or we won't be there.

photo by sandra thomas

fueling up

on each set break, our knife-lean drummer & friend steve kida snacks. steve, who says "i have my grandfather's build," has a regimen i'd do well to imitate: pasta before every show, & on breaks, a sandwich or apple followed by a bit of chocolate or a muffin. and no drinking, no sodas, just water.  following this nutrition plan, he has the steady energy & strength to sustain high-voltage playing for a four-hour night! steve never bonks, which is important in james's intense band.
i started back up working at the library yesterday, so by nighttime i was pretty tired & bonked at the top of the last set, but weirdly, after fumbling the opening instrumental, i went into a flow state where my brain switched off & i just played, really dug in, went into another dimension mentally... it was quite nice. today, my hands, forearms & biceps are sore due to the way i play. however, i'm inspired to become stronger; i am rising to this challenge!
wonderful to've seen friends old & new last night, too. nice chatting with krystal/karen & seeing the elliots, monique & john, the greek, sean & shannon & several couples i don't know but should because they come out each month to see our combo!
well, here's some news: james has taken me on to be his fourth band member in the blues express. last night when we announced it, the audience cheered. what a nice thing! james says to be ready for the dirtbags & what one of our band members has called "nasty a*s no-talents" who will try to break us down, but james & i've been facing such people since we got together as a couple, so it'll be nothing new. plus,  in this realm, playing music, i can be confident. james says i might even become "cocky," which would be kind of fun, i think... sunday at the OC marketplace (see poster) we will kick major major butt!!!!!!
after last night's show, while cruising up the 5 back to the mountain, we glanced over to admire the nighttime LA skyline & decided to step off the fwy to eat at the original pantry cafe, the place that's been open non-stop since 1947. what a great meal! the meat tasted like real meat, not filler (many cheap eateries have a certain amount of cellulose [basically sawdust] in their "meat"). i had the spaghetti & meatballs, the best i've ever had, really! james enjoyed his burger & we both dug sitting right by the cook's window, watching a hard-working mexican dude rapidly slapping together omelettes, fried potatoes, french toast, & more on the giant sizzling grill.
you can see by our faces what kind of night it was: tho we live with ups & downs, last night was a solid up.
please come out to the show sunday, if you can, & if you can't, visit www.whiteboyjames.com to see where we'll be upcoming.

This Week & Weekend... and Rest in Peace, Dear Candye Louise

- mother's day & dad's 75th birthday were really nice, even w/a head that would not cooperate. i got to help my folks quite a bit, & today, the day after, james & dad palled around a lot, which always makes me happy... i was so encouraged to talk w/my stable sweet saintly mischievous pretty little cousin mary frances, who has had thyroid cancer & now, out of its shadows & receiving appropriate medications, could share with me how much better life will be once i get this health issue properly addressed... i have hope! i'm not crazy! (well, i am, but there's an extenuating factor.) whee!  hallelujiah! relief may be in sight!
- if you're in the area (or not -- heck, who doesn't like a road trip?) come see us this thursday at shenanigans in long beach and sunday at the oc marketplace... posters & details are below.
- i am sitting here trying not to freak out as james & dad work on my car alarm, which went haywire just as we were about to leave for home. so will just write & write til calm comes back... just watched a video of my former bandleader karling abbeygate. she & her love johnny do a magic/psychic act called ling ling & tong down in LALAland, focusing on shows for children, which is really cool. i've always loved being a sort-of eccentric person, yet always focused on complete appropriateness around kids & young people. i approve of their vision. they are a beautiful & lively & strange couple, & it's good for a young person to know he/she can fly his/her freak flag & yet know him/herself to be a good human worthy of respect & able to act for the Greater Good. around the time i fell in love & ran off with james, karling fell in love & ran off with johnny & she seems to be happier than when i was playing music in her band, so i'm glad for her. she never seemed totally comfortable as a scenester, i didn't think. she was too smart & too much of an individual! just another addendum: i've always thought karling has a pretty heart to match her pretty, heart-shaped face.
- on a very very sad note, karling's, my, & thousands of others' friend, mentor & hero candye kane passed away the other eve. she had been fighting pancreatic cancer for eight years. i mean, fighting!! she did not at all go gentle into that good night!!
- candye played shows up to the last minutes of life that her ailing body would allow.  as her plus-sized voluptuousness sloughed away to the tiny slip of woman she was at the end, candye kept belting out the blues on stages around the world, traveling & touring through terrible pain, refusing to give up. her beautiful smile never changed; nor did her courage & desire to inspire. she was widely, appropriately acknowledged to be a superhero (the name of one of her best records: not alone in my reaction, i projectile-blubbered when 1st i heard that song!)
- the only relief is that, now gone, candye's no longer suffering. thousands of fans, friends, loved ones, we all are so especially sad also for her dearest friend, adopted daughter & guitar player, the prodigious laura chavez, who cared for candye in her last five years & has written in past days, "how can i imagine life without you?" oh death, heartbreak, devastation... may her grieving process have eventual end, is all i can say. :( candye's talented musician sons evan & thomas, too, are deserving of extra wishes for comfort today. so if you're the type, please send them all a prayer. /// - this week has been weird & up & down & all around & inside out & upside down... time to go play the piano for a bit.

random sh*t & blablablabalbla

we just got a flash flood warning. it's been raining like crazy, hailing yesterday. we're having an intermission right now, but the clouds are booking along, the sky greying again as i type, & we're sure for another deluge. when i walked out of the local pizza parlor earlier, the air smelled like christmas, so clean it revivifies, excites, shocks the senses in a stirring way that makes a person remember: i am ALIVE! such moments make me shiver & go, oh sh*t! i have to jump posthaste into the next duty so i don't go hog mad. hedonism & wildness lurk around each next corner, you know... or crippling depression... so best to chop wood, carry water, stay busy, let the wildness explode in controlled places, in musical &/or other passionate moments...
postings say the san andreas fault is about to pop. if it does, i don't believe we'll perish (knock wood) cause we're not in a decrepit 100 year old dwelling or multi-floored poverty complex, like too many who've unnecessarily perished in past super-quakes nearer the equator.... however, a whole lot of our antiquey sh*t will be destroyed, & maybe that will be for the best, long as james, cat & i make it through (& the dog next door)... there's no chance of a tsunami rolling thru & overtaking us, as horrifyingly happened in japan, you know... back in OC when i had my time there, they had green metal tsunami warning signs posted here & there. james told me he'd picked the apartment dwelling he did because it was at a local "high point" -- at least 80 feet above sea level, i'd guess. if a quake hits down there, coastal OC is gone, wiped out, history, a sludge patch, nothing left, bye-bye, you get my drift. i was happy when i read if the san andreas collides w/the cascadia plate, which might happen, the northwest corner of the U.S. also might go under, but my favorite uncle ralphy will be saved cause he & aunt pam are on the eastern side of this possible crash...
ah, this all rears its head to be quite selfish talk, now that i review... really, i hope nobody is killed in any upcoming earthquake or tsunami. however, if coastal OC falls to the ocean floor to be discovered in future millenia, mu or atlantis-style, i will not cry at all. again, that is if somehow, impossibly, nobody is killed. even people i don't like -- don't want them to be toasted by mother nature.
oh, maybe west-smellay will go under, too. so sad that would be. again, no deaths -- just get rid of the whole impacted snotty privileged area...
i love my family. i love my sponsor. i love my friends. peewee the cat is mercurial but quite a beautiful little creature, all big intoxicating eyes & soft fur & claws of death... i love him, too. my finger hurts. i love playing the piano. i just blew out another key on the left hand side of my console yamaha. damned stomping left hand. i think my favorite pianist right now is meade lux lewis. i need to get better. i need to practice, practice, practice. the music thrums thru me all the time; i know my love & passion for it will mean that now is the time finally for me to become more than merely a good pianist. my changing role vis-a-vis james & his music ensures i will be playing A LOT more: all this is great! what an opportunity. what a life.
next week we play with stephen at shenanigan's. next weekend we all practice at a cool-looking rehearsal space near union station LA. i hope we get to go to the last bookstore after or before, or philippe's, or both. last time i took the train that way to meet james in long beach, i missed the train, had to take the bus, then didn't get to explore downtown at all, tho i ran like hell once i got off the bus to union station & thus was able to grab a cheese sandwich & some pickles & some coffee from strawdusted-floored philippe's... our local pizza parlor's best pie is a cheese. it is salty-yummy with a delicious crust. just started finally on jeffrey eugenides' book in the pizza joint, eating a nice scrumptious salad, watching the stormy sky roll past, marveling at the pulitzer prose of the book. some people can really, really, really, really write. and the rest of us can place words on paper.
afterward worked on books at the thrift shop. the gal who volunteers today always brings her darling pink-cheeked baby, who one day will have memories of scooting around the store's dirty cement floor in her walker, her baby bare feet cool & filthy, & probably she will have few allergies because of all the sh*t wafting thru the atmosphere of that store. james just walked in with hair sticking up & belly full of pizza & asked, "watcha doin'?" now he is chuckling on the phone in the other room while kitty makes gentle crunching noises while scarfing at his fat-inducing kitty junk food...
sunday we play the OC marketplace. we will blow the place to pieces, i say. whiteboy james rules.

freaky freaky freaky! gaspgaspgasp... the weather outside is frightful!

when we were visiting bakersfield these past many days, i stopped getting sufficient O2, which had been a problem i developed while living there. very scary, uncomfortable, crappy. last night  mom, dad, james & i parked in an open area with view of town (which apparently now is the local lovers' lane, since the bluffs of old are now a park!). they all wanted to view a storm that was rolling in. it was the biggest & most dramatic thunder & lightning storm i've ever seen, rolling across the heavens & over the car in an enormous sky-tsunami, roiling, booming, crackling, blitzing & roaring: sh*t!!! w/o sufficient O2, i panicked more than a little, tho tried to keep it to myself cause i could tell it was my stupid mind & lack of air causing my upset... didn't help that james got out of the car! however, he wasn't struck by lightning, & again, i know it just was my morbid fear due to lack of O2 that feared he would...
ok, on to now, because this is quite freaky: it is 48 degrees here at home, but it is now SNOWING!! it's the kind that doesn't stick, & it's blowing from all directions, but a decent storm is underway! so cool... so weird... so mountain- or maybe el-nino- or maybe global-warming or maybe none-of-that-unpredictable... then we drove home today & i continued to panic & freak out, but  once i got a few drags on my inhaler, all improved.
and... i bring this up why? don't really remember. oh! it's best to be prepared. always be prepared! i'd just taken the stupid inhaler out of my purse two weeks ago cause it'd been so very long since i'd needed it. murphy's law!!
gonna watch the snow. and exciting things are afoot. so exciting, that in part caused my lack of air, i'm pretty sure... here are the pix from the other night i forgot to post. oh! bunny in the arroyo! so pretty!
bye for now.

w/my buddy tammy, who requests googoo muck each time i play

really successful show. we got standing ovations! weird but nice...

very old jenny, very cute james, very happy stephen

boom boom boom boom boom boom boom

my heart is pounding so hard right now! i can hear james in the other room talking with a good friend, a solid fellow, about something SO EXCITING!! i'm not being evasive here by not being more specific... just want to be cautious & not overshare & then maybe ruin a really great thing! or get my hopes up, then it doesn't happen! anyways, we had two really solid shows in kern county this past week. so fun playing w/james, & with stephen kida! "not bad for a practice," says steve, whose new nickname when we all play together should be "smilin' steve"... he looks so happy when we play! here are some pix from the other night. and prospects for new shows are rolling in more & more! so cool because even with our act, people are coming to us; we aren't having to ferret gigs out... that happens with james because he is JAMES, an irresistible force, a future movie star: really a special human being & born to be onstage!!
ok, gotta go cause i'm being thrown info to look up... wow! bye for now...

whiteboy & jenny combo thurs & fri in kern county

i thought i'd posted these! please come out, if you're anyplace near. we'll put on a fun show for you! friday night we'll have the wonderful mister stephen kida on drums...

yaaaaaayyy!!!

the other day i started cleaning up a local school's library. it's gonna take maybe two weeks, but after that, i'll volunteer to have the library open for students. this library's been closed officially so long, i found schoolbook covers where the most recent u.s. president pictured is dubya (or as the late, great molly ivins called him, shrub)! digging thru the dust-laden teacher materials, i shivered w/deja vu, uncovering stuff i used when a new teacher (over 20 years ago!)... then, forging deeper into the ancient caves that are this library bookroom's cupboards, i dug out books from when i was a child... 40 YEARS AGO!!
"they were supposed to discard that stuff!" angie teacher-sister said, mildly horrified. yes, i know: decades ago! the artifacts got even older: sentence & grammar microfilm rolls we used when i was a kid, & they were old THEN. i remember feeding the same little plastic strips into a small, heavy, avocado-green-&-gray metal projector. another two kids & i each year were the ones who helped the teacher, so we did stuff like that -- otherwise, we were done w/our work w/nothing to do but get in his or her hair... next, a set of texts, workbooks & teachers' editions... from 1970. and finally, the piece de resistance: a state-issued textbook -- again, never discarded, -- from 1963. title: great negroes in history.
as you might cotton, it's huge baffling, exhausting fun excavating & organizing this library, & i relish going back! the funny part is, i've been so, so ill, but after six hours squatting, lifting, climbing, & carrying, i felt better! this heavy task prompted a return to improving health. after all, move it or lose it, right? it applies, apparently, even when you don't believe you CAN move. my lesson: when struck down by sickness, i must get up & go anyway, w/moderation in the beginning, but then full steam ahead as soon as possible! if you're sick right now, as yourself: what moves/exercise/activities am i capable of trying? don't just sit there: move, even if it's just your little toe! next time it can be your whole foot. then your leg. you get the picktcha!

oh mama mia, papa pia, james is SO HANDSOME!!!!

we played thursday at shenanigans in long beach & it was a pretty great time tho i was wiped-out afterward from the mantle of having to do so much musical work. i've realized set list be damned: just follow james. that's a good credo for me musicially, anyways: i gotta be ready to play different styles in different keys. then we did some songs on which we harmonize: we'd never agreed they were ready, so i was shocked he called them out. they sounded cool!! -- and my husband smiled as we sang, & wow: what could be better.
i talked a lot w/steve kida drummerman on breaks, & whatta guy! he's got some interesting ideas about all of our mutual musical futures; we'll see what happens! then beautiful carla, friend & fan, took this cool picture... we do make a visually-interesting lineup, in my mind, &  that always helps, since it IS called a SHOW!
en route home we hit the highest winds i've ever experienced, up to 65 mph gusts! spooky to be dragged into a different lane by mother nature's current, even w/hands wrenching the wheel against it to try to stop it. stop! stop! coming up the hill into our little mountain town, we were hit by a howling, seething blast that sprayed dirt & rock into the windshield for 10 seconds like something from a disaster movie! once we were home, the banshee winds blasted the house, screaming & sighing, the house shaking in protest. wow! it's easily & immediately sobering to remember one's own smallness & lack of ultimate control in these situations...
yesterday i got picked up at the 5 to go to the getty in malibu w/mom, dad, angie. we met niece madeline, who at 22 already is gonna be entering a master program at calarts or riverside. the family scholar! go, maddy, go! the neatest things i saw were the herb garden as well as ancient glass, but most was wasted on me bc i was so, so, so, so tired!! last night i stayed back, ostensibly to rest, while james went south for another gig, but instead i got a 2nd wind & recorded five songs i want him to hear... yes! so thrilled to record music after many months!
just reread this & realize how mundane it is. blablablablablablabla. oh well; life's short, so have your fun! for me, fun often entails blablablablaing, so there you go. i guess you wouldn't've read this far if you didn't want to!
go forth & find your fun.
ciao for now.

hello. i'm jenny page.

want to hire me? no? oh well; i'm posting this anyway. :D
freelancer, upwork
oops; and THIS!
SEE WHITEBOY JAMES TWO TIMES THIS WEEK!
Whiteboy James and the Blues Express, this Saturday at Casa Ranchero, Ladera Ranch CA
The Whiteboy and Jenny Combo (WBJ, Jenny, Steve Kida), this Thursday at Shenanigan's, Long Beach CA
Click here for more details: www.whiteboyjames.com
AND... theeeees! -- from brudder doug, out front of the nile theatre in downtown bksfld. angie & i used to work there decades ago. it was a sleazy dump then & is a poshy swanky club now, but the beautiful tile out front's remained. :D

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! BLAAAAAABLAAAAAABLAAAAAAH!!

(lazy writing alert: emphatic "!!!" & CAPITAL LETTERS ahead)
dang it, this blog has stats. if you come to this site, the site you JUST LOOKED AT is tracked by blogger!! i just went into the stats page of my little blog & saw listings for some gross & disgusting  sites... if you're looking at nasty & foul stuff, stop visiting my blog!!!!!!!! go away!!!!!!!
i know i can't control that one bit, so the only thing i can do is express how revolting it is to me when happy fool here goes to the "stats" page to twinkle & glee over how many humans have been cyber-visiting her & sees these perverted, putrid websites documented... bleghghghghg!!!
i'm kinda stuck lately, sick where i have trouble talking & walking, but i sure can type! i'm good for little except surfing the web. it's actually led to some teaching, voice talent, proofreading job leads & more gigs for me & james! course, i'm too ill to get to the job interviews, keep having to reschedule, so it's kinda... frustrating yet exciting... work! work is good! laborare est orare!
i've been withdrawing from paroxetine. that's right, me, sober over 20 years, WITHDRAWING. the new doc told me to be nice to myself; it's not like i've relapsed. the ironic part is, i'm probably suffering a great deal more BECAUSE i've been sober so long. i'm probably as much a lightweight as a baby, in fact. so if i'd kept partying down & took paxil, i'd not maybe be this sick.... crap!!
i went in two yrs ago a hopeless anxious depressed wreck & my nice doctor, a pretty, intelligent woman who probably got straight As all thru school & who obviously has NO experience with addiction, told me to take paxil, so i did.
my fault!! should've researched it!! didn't!! gullible, believing authority, wanting to trust: sucker!! it never stops!!
so i took the med i was prescribed, for the first time in my life exactly AS prescribed, & here i find myself two years later (transitioning to another, much safer med) sick sick sick, oh my, so physically sick... friends tell me, "oh, they're being sued. you should sue them!!" but those lawsuits are for paxil-induced outcomes far worse, certainly evil, even: babies born of mothers who'd been on paxil,  baby comes out with something very wrong; families of people who stopped taking paxil, got depressed, took their own lives. horrible! this is not that -- this, tho it's a highly unfortunate situation, is not sue-worthy!
 james & i were joking -- as we do; hahaha! --- about kicking peoples' asses. james is the dalai lama compared to his Old Life, when he was a tough sucker -- the toughest man I'VE ever met or known about, that's for sure! so it comes up bc he actually can do it whereas physically i probably could, if my opponent were weak & tiny, but then how could i? see? temperamentally, no, i don't think i ever could! but i told him if we ever meet a person from glaxosmithwhateveritscalled evil big pharma that developed paxil, we will beat those thugs to a pulp.
cretins!!!! pushers!!!! as*holes!!!!!! the whole idea made us laugh, & then, of course, i felt much better. :) mama said recently -- with great affection, i add -- as james was being silly, "how can you feel bad being married to a man like that?" he's so quick & funny, quite a marvelous human being that way, verbally gifted, lightning-smart, & hilarious. he reminds me to stop taking life so seriously... thank goodness!
my brain zaps. and in fact, that's what the phenom is called: brain zaps. at 1st it was a tiny bit cool, kinda like being bride of frankenstein or the monster. but then it intensified: no longer cool at all. add nausea, headache, fatigue, mood swings & you have a condition FAR worse than i could've envisioned. james has been a big help, having suffered many bouts with withdrawal. me? i had three days of DTs over 20 yrs ago. never anything like this. I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!
however, sick & puky, wobbly & mood-swingy, i'm still in general quite happy. :) i love my life, & i love, i mean, i LOVE my husband! -- more all the time, the more i know him. we have gone thru storms & battles & wars & strife together... and didn't give up! this is how stuff gets solidified, fortified, ingrained. our lives nowadays are the best they've  been! and w/ possibility of getting work in areas i love (teaching, library, art, music)? so happy. and not only is james getting more & bigger gigs, with a lineup of good honest men whom i really like & who are loyal & good to james, but WE, me and james!, are getting more gigs. click on this to see where & when: whiteboy and jenny combo
gonna quit writing now, stand up & try not to barf, maybe play some piano... yes! in spite of the lumps & bumps & having to be reminded of the presence of internet weirdos & having to shake out this evil, sickening anti-depressant, LIFE IS GOOD! may yours be, as well. even you weirdos! even you as*holes! even you petty, scum-sucking sleaze bags! :D
 may we all live & be merry!

swinging like a pendulum, walking down the aisle...

A big weekend ahead for us! Hope you'll come to one or more of our shows. Thursday: The Whiteboy and Jenny Combo at Oasis, Taft, CA, 6 pm; Saturday, Jenny gets to play with J&J's great friend Big Manny and his Big Manny Band at Redwood Room, LA; Saturday night is Whiteboy James and the Blues Express at Forbidden City, Long Beach, CA. Go to www.whiteboyjames.com for times and details for all shows that feature Whiteboy James smile emotico

molto transpirations & mental emissions

1) a great show you shouldn't miss if you're nearby!

1) here's the first, a show just added for thursday with some of our favorite friends in taft, ca. if you're nearby, stop by!
2) next is this terrific photo of mister handsome from line nine blues review, the fellows who host the thursday blues shows at cirivello's in LBC where james played his 50th bd show. tho the pic's on facebook already, i place it here bc it's such a good shot of dashing james, also featuring my friends steve & antknee. :) whether it's blake or lambert or anyone else on bass, i'm happy since all the bassists i've met of james's have been good fellows.
lastly, i went to the video store here (yes! we have one! an advantage of living in a dinky town) & i just commented that i was thirsty & the nice owner tammy gave me a bottle of water! as i left, the heavyset owner of the local yummylicious pizza parlor waved hello. i love this little town! but then as i drove by our 2nd driveway (our property is long and has two), my heart sank.

this small creature was on the far driveway when I got home. it didn't appear to have been hit by car or injured & still had grass blades in its mouth. I moved the beautiful animal to the mound in our yard & decorated the funeral area. this pic is so I can remember how pretty it is right now in deathly repose, before it returns to the earth. jny

2) he's just so dang handsome... wow!

3) requiescat en pace, bellus lupus.