happy thanksgiving tomorrow!

s.n. goenka, 1924-2013: who human could not love this face??

like you, maybe, i've long not believed the traditional thanksgiving lore, but still, this year i choose to celebrate it as a time for family & love & gratitude (& great food!!), not as the beginning of a genocide... there is so, so, so much for which to be thankful, both good, bad, & medium or mediocre! here is to "anicca, anicca, anicca," to equanimity & awareness.
a wise & wonderful human, r.i.p.
a beautiful & grueling experience that can change you for the better, if you take it seriously
i got to make a new friend in my roommate joyce; hike a 1/4 mile uphill repeatedly each day; experience searing, excruciatingly knife-like pain that gradually abated while sitting "with firm determination" for one hour over & over & over; turn over life stones & have ah-ha's while in deep meditation after listening to audios of wonderful goenkaji, who at times sounded to me like a grandfatherly bela lugosi; enjoy nightly "dhamma talks" delivered by wise goenka; eat delicious nutrient-packed food; see a glimmer of enlightenment... & write 10 songs clandestinely, on rolls of paper towels! what joy i experienced, to realize i could both bust out new tunes & then re-submerge into the deep stream of vipassana... thank you, good universe!!

blablablabbidyblabbidyblablab

this halloween, sitting around so cozily w/family, giving out gift BAGS (for mrs gia can't give children merely ONE treat, or even a small handful: each must receive an entire bag!) to adorable & funny trick-or-treaters, i reflected on last halloween. we were in switzerland, & james played a strange gig at a place in zurich, strange bc in switzerland, bands must stay below 97 decibels... and anyone who's heard james & the blues express knows they are not a low-volume band! the venue was a very nice combination stage/restaurant, a dinner theatre, i guess, w/audience so politely staid, it seemed stoic... at james's more heavily-attended american shows, fans tend to lose composure so much, you could worry a riot might break out, or at the least, that you're gonna go blind watching the excessively licentious female fans do their thang -- james is "a bacchanalian," as my friend gita aptly said, a sorcerer of sorts: he can whip a crowd into a real froth! so the polite clapping between songs was, well, kinda unnerving, even frightening. there was not one adoring scream, raunchy, boozy swear, belching insult, cackling laugh, leering dancer, bottle breaking: nothin!... 
 but then on breaks, fans approached james in awe, widening their own eyes, pointing to theirs then his, astounding, "die AUGEN!!" once again, james had wowwed the people, low decibels, cultural & language differences be darned. shoulda known they'd loved him the whole time. anyone with a pulse MUST, unless overwhelmed by jealousy or appalling lack of ability to appreciate god-given talent.
afterward, we walked back in the brisk night to the hotel (what a room! so very sophisticatedly european, posh yet utilitarian!), stopping at a gleaming hotel snack shop to spend our few swiss francs on candy & munchies, milling amongst throngs of young revelers, all dressed in traditional garb (to me resembling robin hood). yes, it had been an evening exotic, cool, quiet, rewarding while this year's was warm, relaxing, mischievous, & loving... after 56 trick-or-treaters arrived in 45 minutes, we closed up shop & drove down the street to deliver goodies to angie & doug's house. mama walked up the front walkway as  james & i rolled out of the car wearing monster masks, slithering across the dark lawn like ninjas, snaking around the fence to the backyard (we planned to scare the sh*t out of niece madeline & her troop of friends), then waiting in the shadows, our creepy visages somber & spooky... unfortunately, the first youth out the door was charley, the most unstartlable [sic] of the whole pack. "hi!" she smiled, waving at us calmly. crap! our dastardly plan had been foiled by the most unflappable of madeline's friends!
this past weekend we traveled south for hubby's shows & friday night i had a fun nighttime stroll to gallagher's where got to witness james again at his maximum powers, the most amazing frontman there is, running a tight ship that night, kicking butt w/such fun & high-octane ferocity, his own band even was rode hard & hung up wet by the end. i was so proud of him, & he of himself! saturday i stayed back on kitty duty while james attended his 2nd show & i got to have the nicest stroll around long beach that day, finding a few street treasures as well as some bargain holiday gifts. i love the neighborhoods & architecture of the homes in long beach as well as the variety of people & experiences in that city...  i'm prepping now to attend a 10-day silent meditation seminar (NOT retreat!) i've been trying to get in to for over 8 years. people i know who put their everything into it while in attendance have come back new & renewed as well as wiser & stronger... i'm resolved to put my everything into learning all i can. we know thusly this will be life-changing not just for me, but for us, the pages, as well as for him, holding down the fort, working on endless projects as well as The Next Big Step, then reuniting, the both of us bettered by our separate positive growing experiences... i already miss him, & kitty, & our family, & our friends; i am trepidatious but also happy, nervous, excited & ready to be stripped down & rebuilt.
that's all i can muster for now; we have been passing infection back & forth in this late-autumn time of year, so it's time to go rest some more with senyor peewee, adorable little trilogy-of-terror hellspawn kitten.
we agree 2015, fast approaching, is going to be amazing for us, & maybe it'll be so for you, as well.

watching pbs show about the amishes, sick under blanketses, storming outside, typing on phone w 1 finger, more later, just pix for now

rushrushrushrushrushrushrush... awwooooooo!

helping folks, need to take a little breather, then big grocery shopping/entertainment time, home to hubby, reunion time for him & me (we've been busy), & halloween tomorrow! yayy!! here are some pix while my pulse slows...

 this is dad, ray, mama, angie, & baby me at hart park in bakersfield in early 1968. angie's not yet pictured, still being at that time inside mama. ray was mama's best friend in college; he went to vietnam, came back haunted, disappeared, & when she next found out about him, he had passed away in NYC, a happy buddhist. she gave me some of his buddhist lit & i was hooked. :)

 we have had a visitor this past week in the person of eddie nichols. he's doing super-swell & so is james. we  spent a lot of time eating, playing music, learning theory from eddie, watching the dumb box, & (them) sleeping, doing art, eating more, & having long, happy/heavy powwows while i worked in the yard, which i absolutely love doing...

 we celebrated two years married & had a great & fun day tripping around the santa clarita area, which when you get out toward the rugged hills to the east, is more interesting & funky than you'd think when you just glance the I-5 corridor orange county-like parts, mile after mile of mall shopping & box stores... teaching yesterday was so very fun & rewarding; i love the people who come each week to learn english as well as thinking up & delivering lessons & the interaction & awakening my spanish skills; i love volunteering at the thrift store, & organizing hundreds & hundreds of books & finding treasures each time; mama got me a lovely sparkly ring today, just because she's so mama sweet like that, & i was able to find one 1/2 the price of the one she initially picked out, which made me feel much better about accepting her generous gift, something i did not need but that she wanted to give me & how lucky i am (we are, all four of us, angie, doug, james & me) to have such a mama (& dad) right now; yes,so much for which to give thanks, & now it's time to hit the road again to shop the gigantic grocerystoreland at bakersfield's south edge to replenish comida supplies that were wiped out this past week... happy howloween!!!

 ps - this is peewee. he was rescued by james & eddie, & while he's no dog, or skinny, the world's most awesome feline, i think you'd agree, he's pretty darned cute. :)

bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!

i've had too much coffee.
was wrestling w/infernal ebay trying to upload pix of junk--i mean, precious treasures--to try to auction & my phone started whining wheee!!wheee!!!wheeee!!! in a scary emergency manner, like a guinea pig gone banshee. the screen flashed, "warning: high winds and dust storm approaching." aaaah!! those can get downright terrible in the central valley, stirring up valley fever, causing even more respiratory sickness! so i called bakersfield, but they already had all windows sealed up & it was blowing big time brown down there, said family. here it's just been high winds all day, cool & kinda creepy... well, geez, that's about it except it's countdown one week to two years' wedded bliss. :D things these days are shwell & i couldn't be happier, like i feel less anxious & neurotic than i can ever remember... i'm finally realizing that being rich in ways other than dollars, & sharing that w/the one i love, is so so far superior to worrying all the time... getting free, after all these years... thank you, great pumpkin/buddha spirit/good orderly direction/grandfather/grandmother/lord!
oh crap!! gotta run!! rats!! stupid time!!
have a nice wan

blablablablablabla

i'm glad i take pix or i'd remember even less of this day-to-day blur called life. just dumped some pix into facebook so could grab most-easily this one of my sister & i when we were wee as well as the one of james as a fierce-looking young pop warner football player (what a game face!) & while looking at photos, i remembered all kinds of other neat things i've gotten to do lately which had immediately slipped out of my head til triggered by pix... to keep it short, right now there are great photographs by mexican artists at both the bakersfield museum of art & the latin american museum of art in long beach. some of the same photos appear in both exhibits, in fact! of the two exhibits, i think the bakersfield one actually is better, which makes me proud of my friendly smoggy dumb-headed hometown. it has its pleasantries, for sure. go see either or both exhibits while you can! also, the LAMOA or however it's abbreviated is free on sundays. :)
wanted to post the pic of angie & i cause it's her birthday weekend & i just love her so very much: she really is such a wonderful human. this picture for me captures what a lovable darling little sprite she was as a child (this reminds me: you should check out the gentle french film TOMBOY on netflix to see adorable children w/all their beautiful funny honest awkward intelligent touching ways)... looking at these photos, i can see that my hair's the same still, but my face sure is different now!; james, on the other hand, tho his hairline be now receded in a very striking & manly manner, still has that same face!
the other day we were talking about photos. only one or two remain of me from ages 11-12 to 16-17 or so. i just hated the way i looked in those blooming years of body dysmorphia, a condition that would stain my life from my teens up to my early 40s!! i'd look in the mirror & get a sinking sense of doom. i wanted to die when i looked in the mirror!! i would run from the camera as well as try to hide my awkward bulk behind anything: a placemat, a wall, another person, a book...
yes, i remember deeply the horror of puberty, realizing i'd never look like my favorite actors did (life would be much easier if i were a boy, i thought for years), that instead i was morphing from a rather athletic kid in 6th grade into a what-i-just-knew-to-be-homely beast, that the way i was changing was some cruel cosmic joke.
in meetings, people say here & there that booze saved their lives for many years. it was thus for me. drinking/etc decreased substantially my self-consciousness & inhibition. i took that drink, &, like a magic elixir, it granted me a sense of ease & comfort for a time, but then the drink took me... anyways... i write about this all the time, & it gets boring, but it was a big deal for me & still is & maybe someone reading this will relate & not waste decades of life in self-hatred due to something as ephemeral as the meatbag called a body. onward,turns out james didn't like his pic taken when he was a teen, either. he even destroyed most all his pictures, like i did! this caused me pause cause james is physically attractive. but he thought he was not. he, too, thought that he looked monstrous. imagine!!
knowing now my handsome husband also thought he was ugly makes me think maybe i was wrong all along. maybe i was just a teenaged girl, even if not a pretty one. i didn't deserve all that self-loathing & would be a fool to indulge any such thinking today.
yes, people go thru this & come out the other side. if you're going through it, drop the rock. you're ok just as you are. you are one human in billions. you've got this one life. get right-sized & carpe diem! and if you can't/won't accept yourself as-is, do something healthy to change your fate. "fall down seven times, stand up eight."
ok, off to organize books now, then hit the highway once again! :D

immersed

was messaging on facebook w/a friend who also is my piano mentor, a world-renowned master of boogie-woogie!, then talking w/james as he painted the porch about how immersed this fellow is in piano... what our friend said is true: the more focus one has, the more may be produced, the more may be created, the more one can improve, develop, flourish, blossom. (that excepts those who become SO immersed, nothing can ever be produced due to getting gummed up in detail, like a fly in a web, like happens during those OCD times...)
I LOVE TEACHING ENGLISH TO ADULTS!!! they want to be there, they like to have fun, they open up more & more with each session, we laugh & laugh, they ask more & more questions, they're learning a lot already, my spanish is reawakening, it's so gratifying & fun for me, i love teaching & have missed it so much... today is little angie sister's birthday; she's a teacher, too. my whole family: teachers! james said he'll come into class sometime.. he'd be a natural teacher, i think! all the dorky CLAD/BCLAD stuff i was forced to learn when a public school educator is now coming in handy, as well as stage performing skills... the more animated i am, the more they respond. james will blow their minds!
to empower myself so that i may help empower others: that is the life goal; to seek ever-elusive truth, but to continue seeking!: that is the goal! to ever-keep learning, developing greater patience, wisdom, accurate perspective: that is the goal. as james reminds me constantly, from hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, DON'T PANIC: THAT is the goal...
i love our lives. may you love yours.
(picture to come of me in front of American flag w/beautiful student marisol & her beautiful sister raquel, on vacation from mexico city, whom marisol brought to class because SHE THINKS IT'S SO MUCH FUN!! isn't that awesome?) nunca te rindas... que tenga un buen dia...

bwhahhahahahaha!! yaaaaaay!!! hack sputter cough... s&%t!!

geez, the last 4 nights or so, SOMETHING keeps waking me up in the mid-morn between 3-4:30 -- the wind, the cat, an animal yowling, a loud car -- & then the hacking & retching & coughing & spewing starts... bah! phlegm! (what an accurately crappy yucky onomatopoeic word, huh?!) i think i've used 2 boxes of kleenex since thursday...  wasn't well enough to go with james this weekend, but got to help mom & dad clean their new house & yard today & eat the most delicious food. yesterday i noted that moderate exercise seemed to break up my cold some, so this eve i went for my 1st run in the open spaces around here & it was PERFECT!! the terrain, the hills, the quiet, the breeze, the sky, the colors of the land, the wide, wide sunset... PERFECT!! came back & logged it on u.s. track & field's map it feature, which if you don't know about, is AWESOME. mama called, "why are you being so silly?" and i realized i was singing corny country-western songs way too loud & laughing to myself like a nut... "endorphins!" i called back... hubby's on his way back from music festival & we are going to do MAJOR grocery shopping, i guess tomorrow... hope to get to the kern county fair before it closes -- tonight, friend tammy l was celebrating her "27th" birthday at the fair, at the joan jett concert -- happy birthday!; bummed the LA fair closes tonight & i didn't get to go this year... county fairs are the best!
yes, all is well -- if you don't think so, go out for a little jog, run, or stroll! :D :D :D :D

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

jenny page reading doctorow

james page being awesome

 don't mean to make anyone vomit, but last weekend he took this pic of me & then i took the one of him & i want to post them.  then i was on his computer mixing music & making videos & found pix of a fun trip we took to burbank many months back, so i'm gonna post those below, too cause heck, i wanna remember this stuff. we like places like burbank w/all its junk & antique stores, places to eat, streets to walk, plus "industry" stores...
yeppers, the best days are now, & lie ahead...

(ok, what else can i do to stall so i don't have to get dressed & go to town?)

point of no return, jenny & the phantoms

the vagabond kitty just woke me up... crash!! but did she catch a mouse? oh, noooo! anyways, so here are 5 songs to listen to, recorded aug 15, the best i do on my own w/no patience, no guitarist, & no professional playing/production. great pumpkin bless online video converter programs for enabling me to compress & upload this mac-created beast, which in original form was an enormous file! (btw, james wrote one verse of "21 days"!)

earlier i got my behind up from the sick bed to go to the post office, where saw my 1st jerusalem beetle -- a fat shiny shelled monster! -- parked hissingly (tho they really don't hiss) right by our box! their name also is "nino de la tierra" or child of the earth insect... weird! creepy! my sister gulped in text, sent a pic, "what is THAT?!?"... james & friends from socal readily identified it -- guess they're common there, tho i don't think in the central valley... yech... glad i didn't step on it. not only wouldn't i have, just cause it was such an unusual sight for me, but bc it would've made an enormous squish, plus i read they emit a smell like a diaper, PLUS james said they deliver a nasty bite!
well, that's the huge excitement of today (yesterday); hoping tomorrow (today) to feel weller [sic]...

the truth!!

- the video from yesterday got lopped off so all that's left is the part i was supposed to do, anyways! hahaa! thank you, universe! :D my recounting of phil alvin's magnificent, moving singing at the music goes bang! festival, which inspired us near-to tears, as well as hype for this weekend's rockin' blues fest in kernville, will just have to go unseen cause ah! i got sick! not well enough to do much big talking, not to mention cannot! rats! stupid wind! stupid cold, painful earache, runny chafed nose, scratchy throat!
- had a bunch of good fun dreams in the new ultra-comfy football-field sized bed, on the up side... and don't have to punch a clock so have time to get better. yay! early retirement is boring at times, but then at times is jess right.
- talked w/hubby; all went well at his last-night gig. was so pleased to read line nine blues review's promo for that show, calling james "...the best blues entertainer in the world!... We all know it! It's just a fact!" as well as to see their silhouette poster of james's iconic physical figure... seriously, how many other entertainers of any renown/fame of any era/genre of whom you know can be identified so readily by mere silhouette? (mama noted bob hope; pretty darned good company, tho, phil alvin, james does NOT look like bob hope!!!). here's the poster so you can see it for yourself.... ok, gonna mix some music/songs i wrote/recorded & hope that the laundry somehow will disappear & the winds die down! merci beaucoux a vous! *coughcoughcough*

do not ignore the hand... the hand of fate... mwahahahahaha!!!

(the video i mention below was too long & i fear pretty boring, so i deleted it to redo later... in the vid, i talked about fun things we've done lately, being blown away by phil alvin's voice at the music goes bang! festival, seeing dear donna, then meeting james's eccentric & fascinating friend stanley... also mentioned the upcoming rockin blues festival in kernville, ca & showed a bunch of books as well as paper mache skull head, metal pugilist toy, james's black clay hand sculpture,  casper the friendly ghost lamp he got me, & played song of mine i wrote in '12 based on something really cool he told me at that time... well, now no need to redo video! :D )
typing this on james's computer as a video uploads... james's computer is so much nicer than mine, which is a real viejo! really should get another, but change, tho the only constant, is such a mudda, not to mention i'm a luddite as well as my dad's daughter: a tightwad!...
what's up? all here is well, swell, copacetic, peachy, sometimes crappy, mostly happy, yes, geez, life is nice! (now picturing kermit thee frog).. i've been getting to teach english at the local library! i love love love it! i love the people who show up to learn english! i'm getting to know the other teacher, & we've got the same positive philosophy about doing this! my spanish is about as good as the students' english, so that makes it doubly fun! it's free, so if you know any adult who wants to learn english, contact the library! next i'm trying to get some actual-dinero work w/the library, practicing my dewey, hoping for a place to show up regularly so i can use my brain more as well as get some dough here & there... been trying to cook some, be more domestic: yes, we're having some success in the happy home department, i think, me & him! mom & dad visited today: nice meal, smiley visit; they oohed over how much work we've done in the yard; james beamed proudly & gigged mama hilariously (she loved it)... we've been vegging out a lot w/the roku: little rascals, andy griffith, old movies... the other night we watched sling blade... why didn't bbt ever make anything else of worth???... reminded me how likeable john ritter was... james, of course, came away from the viewing w/a killer impression of carl (bbt's character)... we also've been getting a kick outta watching the office, which james's never seen... and that reminds me of two great movies we saw about voice acting, which we both still hold hopes of pursuing: in a world (comedy, available on redbox) & i know that voice (documentary, available on netflix)... blablablablablablablablablablabla
wish this thing would upload.
and now, a little song (you'll have to imagine the melody):
chingachinga, chingachinga, chingachingachingachingachingachinga
(no, not the mexican nasty chinga, but imagine a little streetcar or a small hammer hitting a tiny bell before a liliputian fight)

blablablablablablabla

i don't have a great voice, but it's really fun to sing. james is in his own category, being one of the best vocalists i've ever heard but also my husband, so i can't be impartial. but here are some other singers i like, in no particular order, in case you don't know about some & might want to look him/her up:
wanda jackson, lorrie & larry collins, little richard, hank ballard, carl perkins, chuck berry, lowman pauling, johnny tanner & eugene tanner, howlin' wolf, phil alvin, etta james, big maybelle, sister rosetta tharpe, tina turner, billie holliday, james brown, big mama thornton, charlie feathers, charlie rich, roy brown, big joe turner, little walter, clifton chenier, fats domino, rose maddox, smiley lewis, louis prima & keely smith, lux interior, slim harpo, sonny boy williamson, ray price, ruth brown, & professor longhair!

if i stay this mellow & happy...

- i will turn into dad. or a monk. or a guru. or something from pixar or disney.
or... just a happy human. i'm so grateful. :)
- i thought we had a lot of crap when we moved, but after 26 years? mom & dad, in process of moving, have waaaaaaaaaaay more crap! :D their new house is beautiful! they deserve it, too. we were poor growing up! their scrimping & saving & sacrificing has paid off in the comfortable, secure life they have now & so generously share! talk about good people... even if they weren't our parents! this world really is filled w/so, so many good, great humans, even if the focus too much is on bad, crappy, horrid, stupid ones... seek out the good!
- so anyways, we just filled up another trailerload & truckload, & i'm again so grateful to have the green hornet, my ugly reliable old faithful! (when i met james, he drove the mach 5 & i drove the green hornet & the blue demon -- which since has died, but still is super ugly-cute, sitting on the driveway waiting to be brought back to life. i thought it was funny we both named our cars after cartoons! technically, blue demon is a luchador, but  certainly those brawny masked fighters are cartoonish!) now we're gonna nap for a while before delivering this load. the new house is surrounded by hills to jog in & explore & from the house, you can view the elementary school playground. "i can go over & read to the kids once a week," mama said, smiling, & i added, "& when you're 90, mama, they can send kids over to walk with you to class!" what a nice thought. :) dad finally is ditching his arch-nemesis, the swimming pool, in favor of a spanish-style courtyard w/lovely fountain. he plans to plant xeriscape & even is taking a class. college at 73: i'm inspired! meanwhile, we've gotten lots & lots of good stuff from this move that will make our house not just prettier, but much, much more comfy... all are muy satisfecho.
- can't wait to finish helping here, then get home to thin out the house & yard so it doesn't look quite so much like sanford & son! it'll be a busy week back & forth helping the final days of the move, then next weekend, a fun event, a big music fest where james & i get to have a booth. i think whomever in that roots-punk-american music scene don't know of james will go ape over him: the modern man of a 1000 faces! i hope we can cobble some cool junk to sell & hear some great music... weekend after that's the kernville music fest; james & blues express play two times on saturday! i hope we sell 1,000,000 t-shirts this month!
- well, naptime for me... glücklick sonntag!

t-shirts! getcher t-shirts!

- we got the greatest t-shirt service right here on the mountain from a company right on our tiny main street! they are the good people who make the "i love fp" bumper stickers (on the back, they read "love god. love people." - both sentiments i can agree with cause why not?) i told the kindly owner/ screenprinter jerry that some batches in past have bled out some on the face & blues express lettering & he printed the image just-darker-enough that the shirts came out perfect, a much better representation of my original drawing! he also reduced the image size so it's a much better fit on most human torsos. in addition, he charged no set-up fee, a big savings! lastly, the turn-around on the order was just TWO DAYS! WOW! we were just all-around so pleased w/our treatment by "your t-shirt man," right here on the mountain. jerry says he does most of his jobs via online sales, so here's the link for you: https://yourtshirtman.com
james was very, very happy, too, needless to say. at last weekend's festival, the shirts sold like hotcakes, so we're ready soon to order even more!
we rested earlier & i had 20-30 minutes of the most blissful peace in my heart! i was in the moment, no worries, no fears, no nothing except a beautiful feeling of rest & calm & happiness! that is such a big deal for a monkey brain like me... the refreshing lovely wind blew its blessed soul through the windows, in larger gusts sighing & whistling some, & james murmured in his sleep, reminding me of w.c. fields, "tell that man to stop blowing his horn..." :)
he's going to kick butt & take names tonight (friday) in long beach city at gallagher's, tomorrow at the regal in lakewood, just a little north. go to www.whiteboyjames.com for the scoop/poop/whoopdeedoop on the greatest living frontman (since little richard is retired, that is...).
and now it's time for me to go read books & play some joplin & later, when the sun wanes some, pull weeds in the lovely luster of eve. :D
(ps - when i was a young person, i had great interest in things morbid & little interest in animals & poetry. so glad the poles have flipped! here are some poems i read yesterday, some new to me, some not. hope you love them, too! invictus IF the thousandth man a prayer a psalm of life )

just don't feel like writing lately!

feeling very mellow.
in the distance down in the holler across the way a person is singing, or rather, howling an impassioned song in spanish. :)
the cat came to visit this morn, silky, long-bodied, tawny thing, & lapped up a little milk. yesterday, my favorite visiting black dog wiggled & leaped & wagged his way into the house; i cobbled together some grub for him, he slurped it up hungrily, then actually jumped up on the couch, the sweet wild thing, finally bolting out the door on to more adventures.
that's about it except i wish you could hear this guy yowling. it's kind of funny & wonderful.

lifelifelifelifelifelifelife

all is well :D

el viento encantado y blablablablabla

- the most enchanted breeze is emanating through the window, too magical even to be well-described! few things to me are as transcending as a clean cool current of air...
- it's a lazy, calm day up here, as are many up here. such a nice contrast to the busy, beautiful, invigorating, maddening city!
- last night i became bothered & preoccupied remembering a linguistics class i took many lifetimes ago, taught by an african woman i remember as having cast many a stern glance my way (probably cause i rarely went to class & when did, was always loaded)... i can recall through the fog of time & the fog i then lived in that the class was interesting. dammit! why did i have to be intoxicated all the time back then so that i didn't actually learn more??? after a lot of poking around online, i found this rather neat overview: articulatory phonetics ... i love how the physical mechanisms of speech are described in terms that actually seem to equate my human utterances w/the works of an engine. makes me feel kinda like the terminator -- all of us hairless apes who speak, for that matter. then i think of the cgi-heavy latest planet of the apes movie, so expensive, like so many bloated hollywood films, that entire countries could be fed & rescued w/commensurate budget. huge fans of the heston originals, we were coolest by the latest one & me, bothered, thinking how youngsters now are seemingly being indoctrinated into identifying w/avatars, w/commercial objects/products...  it's an old madison avenue strategy, sure, but the increasing phenomenon morphing the human self/gaze & inhuman phantasm, commodity: what kind of humans ultimately will be produced by this?
- then i think of... well, you know how the magical magnifying mind can weave & meander, so i'll stop right there.
- yesterday two very nice buddhist ladies drove all the way up here from smoggyland for a chant & a visit & our medical cards arrived in the mail & i went to a good meeting w/kind, earnest ppl & overall, my still-wont is to complain, but do i want to be right or happy? this morn we started reading a book together that used a lot of psychological terms & it just reminded me that if i want to see my life's problems, all i need to do is look in a mirror. same with the solutions. argh!
- i took this pic in the city the other afternoon & it came out artsy-nice, so here i post it. i've never seen anyone who sleeps so handsomely, as anyone who's seen him sleep likely will corroborate... next, a little piano, check my online sales, exercise, read some more, keep doing what i must to keep the infernal coconut from cracking til some magical next career pops up. I AM DONE BEING RETIRED!! I MISS MEANINGFUL WORK!!
- ok, that's all for now, unless you want a nutty but very nice person (me) to come work with you in the areas of music, art, writing, physical/emotional/spiritual work out, or teaching... when i am productively busy, i can almost move mountains! :D

don't go, jenny & the phantoms

whoo hoo! i finally found an online video converter could use to upload public domain video footage into windows movie maker! my computer is ancient, so it's taken some doing... so happy! now i can make crude actual videos, instead of the mere "slide shows" (said madeline) i used to be stuck with making due to lack of video footage... i wrote this song about a year ago, if i remember, then recorded it when we lived in southern cal, using sticks & tambourine, book & hand palm for drums. the rhythm's rickety here & there, but this is one of james's favorite songs i've written & it does have a certain visceral oomph, so here it is & hope you enjoy.

here's the video program i found -- it has some creepy pop-ups, but just close them & it won't mess up your computer (least it hasn't this dinosaur -- keeping fingers crossed!) may you have fun w/it, as i just did for the past few hrs! online video converter

what a sad & scary day

- prayers to loved ones of robin williams, as well as us millions, delighted, astounded, moved by his shocking, lightning talent & long-time courage in the face of depression, madness, addictions... he made statements about how much he loved his family, & i relate to love of family keeping one alive. how much pain must he've been in to yet end it all?

- many brilliants live with the comorbid cousins mental illness & addiction, yet live long, full lives. some learn to transmute trauma, sadness, madness into creative passion; positive, productive lust for life; a mission to help others who struggle! if you are brilliantly creative (or, like me, merely average) & also nuts &/or down-down-down, you can make it to the end of this life in one piece... moreover, you can survive & even thrive, showing those who also suffer how to want to go on living. you have a purpose, even when life hurts... maybe especially when it does!! you can be uniquely helpful to people who get the blues, whose brains are on fire, who don't fit in.

- we must never, never, never give up, even when role models like williams might seem to have!!!!

- requiescat en pace, bright flame.