hedonism, existentialism, the error of causality, blablablablablablablabla

... vaguely recall this from an undergrad class:
sonnet 75: amoretti (spenser)
one day i wrote her name upon the strand,
but came the waves and washed it away:
agayne i wrote it with a second hand,
but came the tyde, and made my paynes his pray.
"vayne man," sayd she, "that doest in vaine assay.
a mortall thing so to immortalize,
for i my selve shall lyke to this decay,
and eek my name bee wyped out lykewize."
"not so," quod i, "let baser things devize,
to dy in dust, but you shall live by fame:
my verse your vertues rare shall eternize,
and in the heavens wryte your glorious name.
where whenas death shall all the world subdew,
our love shall live, and later life renew."
- is this true? can love immortalize life? is it romantic notion, vanity? aren't we just stardust? i told art fein yesterday i was feeling a little down about this & that & art, always sympathetic, crowed "YOU? having a CRISIS?!?" but that's the thing about being sober: you're always awake. there's no buffer! life, so beautiful, can wound when a person's not blotto. but what's the use of blotto? blotto don't last!!
- this wkend i had a way-close call w/a bottle of cheap gin... after all these yrs!! i now know w/gravity & fear this booze problem truly IS cunning, baffling, & powerful... & patient! how'd we escape it?!? i maybe could be dead, instead of writing this right now.
- reeling from that brought existential crisis. my bent was to dumb-out, dissociate, then burrow into cynicism, like the literary heroes of my youth, philip marlowe & sam spade. those cats knew how to protect themselves: trust & love no one or thing. instead all these beautiful things happened, thank whom- or whatever: the most gorgeous ventura sunset, colors out of maxwell parrish, combined w/a lush & gigantic DOUBLE rainbow spanning the mountains & tide. an emergency call to a lifesaver who actually was home & answered the phone, tho she was supposed to be out of town. a lucky penny. cosmic bowling w/strobe lights & the thunderings of freddie mercury. a pinball game in which the machine matched THREE TIMES! a dirt-cheap hotel corner rm w/ocean breezes, full kitchen, king-sized bed, & enormous tv.
tho i've usually viewed such positive experiences & coincidences as fortuities & serendipities, it just can't be -- it's all mere moments, albeit lovely ones oftentimes, that i've given subjective, magical interpretation. when we were little, my sister & i thought the moon followed us as we rested in the back seat of the car on family trips home from delano. this is like that: it's all just life, so often lovely, so often inexplicable, but w/no real causality. there's just the now, with the error, good deed, calm, beauty, storm w/in it.
- how to realize this & not be overrun w/despair? seize the day, realized tommy wilhem in saul bellow's novella. kick up the heels. heed the wild hair. maximize moments of smile & fun & friendship & creativity & learning. maybe all you need is love, but all there is is now. can we do good? affect change? do unto others? not if expectation's attached. accidentally? randomly? yes. is it an empty universe only to be met by hedonism? well, epicurus had more the right idea, i think. my rights DO end where your nose begins... as dad has said, "life's short, so get plenty of rest." that's his idea of a good time, & our most-noble, hard-working, kind, funny dad does know how to enjoy life, as does our loving & generous mama. they do so oftentimes w/gentleness. for me? carpe diem, turn blue, go hog wild. go forth & live!!
(ps: watch the movie "the lives of others" - you won't regret it... and listen to rev frost's latest podcasts - link @ right)

concidence, fortuity: you made me life so rich, you know you should've been some money, baby, you're so sweet you know you should've been some honey

- just glanced out the window while typing here on a beautiful spring-break mountain morn & saw andy noise from bk hiking up the hill! i knew he was planning to bring a group up here sometime to hike, so talk about coincidence! they might swing back by, if time allows before the bus back to bk. it's the best deal around - $3.50 one-way, $1.75 for seniors/disabled... a huge savings compared to driving it!
- oh, to type while looking out pic window @ pine- & oak-covered mtn topped by baby-blue sky, heavenly clouds wafting along their journey... wow! for the 100th time, i'll say it's difficult to get discombobulated up here, not just cause of lack of poisonous air (was sick last wk & up til yesterday bc of too much bkfld time), but bc of the calming beauty & ever-changing weather. who needs tv? the nature show's unbeatable!
- what's on your gratitude list? here's some for me on this lovely morn:
1. dogs curled up @ my ft; 2. pb&j sandwich w/coffee; 3. good fri dd rehearsal, tho al hendrix did not make it; 4. trip to trout's to see brian lonbeck w/the blackboard playboys, a rock-solid country band w/fabulous banny bannister on piano! this is top-notch "country" musicianship, people, every fri-sat nite, just $5 to two-step or study the pros on their instruments all night long! brian did a cool version of "16 tons" & i got to yak a little w/rockwell about how to turn bk into the next branson & then have a heart-throbbing slow dance that thrilled me to the bone! i realized i haven't had a slow-dance like that in a public place in over 20 yrs!!! sad? mebbe. i was just glad to have it at all. then i took a moonlit drive & had a late-nite super-nosh on the edges of town & my heavens, what a nice time!
5. visited my folks, who, like i hope you feel about yours, are the best; 6. had very short practice w/al @ scotty's cool NE pad; 7. then really fun show w/family, many, many friends, & laughing, dancing ppl!; 8. met super-nice geri boyd, musician w/friendly drawl & twinkling eyes, who is not just a) female; b) keyboard player; but c) a professional in a helping profession; & d) athletic (tho geri does team sports & i pretty much eschew competition)... however, geri trumps me in cool bc she plays SAXOPHONE!! wow!!! i was flattered on break when she came up & wanted to know how i played some piano pts. she said, "when you kicked that messaround off, i jumped to mah feet!"
9. the dusk devils kicked butt! highlights: phil's blistering guitar, creative, spot-on genre melodies, & good-natured hip-shaking during "whole lotta shakin'"; rick, in fine form, catching every beat, that tho he never even got to practice w/al!; scotty adding two tunes, his nice stage thing adding more humanity to dds. western-swing hall of famer, drummer jimmy phillips (late of the go-daddies) sat in for some songs, & original dd's guitarist brian paxton even came in & did a set! his lovely wife lisa provided these pix, from which i learned i need to burn these light-reflecting, unflattering pantyhose!! (oh well.) lastly, @ end of ea set, rockabilly hall-of-famer al hendrix, a fun, friendly senior, came up & sang... "georgia kate," one of al's originals, naturally soars, but it really did as we played & i looked over @ phil & he @ me & i knew we were sharing a hair-raising moment of happy musical thrill! (congrats to phil, too, who AT THE SHOW found out he is a grandfather. what a nice, nice moment for p & his family.) :)
10. a long-time friend, csub prof, emailed to say she's lost 30 POUNDS listening to "let it roll" while on her treadmill. wow!! she showed up, slim & smiling, w/hubby & friends. i didn't see alicia & doug, nor sincere & soulful, devoted-to-the-band john k & lovely wife susan, dance, but the beams from their tables really lit up my heart, as did smiles from gita, danny, aunty rita, mom & dad, vita, eric, hoss, henry, kim, franky, kirby, & so many others whose names i might not know, but whose friendly faces definitely are familiar... if i didn't list you, well, thank you so much for being @ this quite-special show, as well as thanks to al & ethel's for having us. :)
11. tho i was ill sunday & missed lunch w/the hendrixes due to lingering valley allergies, the day was nice, allowing rest & a gorgeous sunset walk on bluffs. friends watched tv basketball & i did not have to get uncorked bc competition & spectator sports -- like chuck berry, like hotdogs, like road trips, old motels, labor unions, honky-tonk & the blues -- are simply pt of our american culture.
(actually, tho, probably roman culture.)
- & when one basketball team represents NOLA, the lovely lovely crescent city where i hope to one day lay my head & also put fingers to keys, well, i sure can back that.
- spring is here! easter is near! happy season of rebirth & possibility to all! "a fonte puro pura defluit aqua!!!"

this saturday!!!

just found out that BRIAN LONBECK is playing w/blackboard playboys @ trout's on fri-sats, too!! really looking fwd to saturday's show w/al, plus going over to trout's to catch flying-fingers lonbeck, as well as see the tidwells & banny bannister... (ps - currently i have no graphics program -- hence the irritating gigantic white border on all recent flyers/graphics! oil well. if anyone reading wants to trim this flyer & email it to me, i thank you!) :)

road, rough road, then tunes, wild tunes, then road, rough road, then home, sweet home, then road, then home, then road, then home, then aarrggghh!!!

ohhh.... it's so very nice to be in my home again... i do love road trips, but that I-5 gets old!!! just saw this online:
'Matt’s [Munoz's, of bakersfield californian] Picks: April 16!
Al Hendrix and The Dusk Devils at Ethel's Old Corral, 4310 Alfred Harrell Highway, Saturday, April 16th, 6 p.m., free, 661-873-7613. If you're looking for some real rock and roll, you should plan on taking a little drive out to Ethel's this weekend. Appearing live will be the great "lost rocker" himself, Al Hendrix. He's performed with many of the legends of the Bakersfield Sound, and is slowly getting his due respect as a member of the Rockabilly Hall of Fame. He'll be playing all his hits, including "Monkey Bite" a song that caused quite a stir in '62 because of it's suggestive lyrics. That's rock and roll. Backing Hendrix will be Bakersfield band, The Dusk Devils.'
- i just found out, tho, we're not backing... it'll be like a full-blown dd show, w/al "helping out." i'm sure glad to've got that clarified w/the lost rocker before this wkend!! anyways, i'm looking fwd to a fun, fun time w/my pals. :) the weather should be perfect! ethel's serves a mean hot dog, too, so will have to break the seemingly-interminable lenten meat-fast, or rather, switch my sunday for a saturday, i think. the latter is, after all, the sabbath in many cultures, so the lord shouldn't care too much... i'm sposed to make a flyer, so i hope i do... al'll be doing the above show on his way to viva las vegas. he called w/good news, which was that deke dickerson'll be backing him on bass sax at viva... sounds like he'll have an all-star backing band! the other good news is, mr tidwell's recuperating nicely, which is a relief to hear. :)

kind thoughts to R.T., lifelifelife, & baby james

- spoke last nite to the lost rocker al hendrix, who filled me in on music news, but most importantly that we all need to send good thoughts/prayers to robert tidwell of token okies & wichitas, who is recuperating in hospital right now from mini-stroke... remember his dear wife, angel, too, when you send that white light! surrounded w/love & support, robert will heal, just as candye did, just as do so many who have the universal life force filling them. thoughts & prayers of strength to these dear people...
- how are you? i woke up w/tv hangover & disappointing last-minute phone call... then got online & had email message from MY FUTURE EX-HUSBAND!! (tho really, truly... i HAVE given up.) even still, that he knows who i am & even signed his msg "love," well, to imagine 27 yrs ago when i 1st saw his crazy-orgiastic, cunicularly handsome face that this'd be the case today is really unimaginable, if i think on it.
- speaking of faces, look @ whiteboy james & crew, by way of kaykay & youtube! whatta crazy hunk fireball! too, it's funny to me that scott abeyta actually looks younger NOW, 21 yrs later. ... someone told me the other day i must've found the fountain of youth, but i'd say scott might, too! you be the judge...

the other greatest rocknroll video ever made

the wonders of the internet! used to be this was a rarity purchasable only from target video via snail mail... i like the above pt best, but here's a link to the entire video! the cramps at napa state mental hospital! the other greatest video (actually a tv show): go here to posting called "a posting for jim b" -- don't knock the rock!

really cool people

two sides of my place dump onto national forest land, & w/all these storms & also ppl who hike thru, the trash builds up. haven't seen any NFS staff w/trash cans any time lately, so i slid down & cleaned out the arroyo as well as a large area behind my house that goes up into the mountains... good, exhausting work! found some cool stuff, bricks & metal bars & even an old tin can & pair of bifocals! - also, of course, lots of junk, like a disintegrated tent & pieces of a rusted bed, like maybe someone wasn't just camping out there, but maybe had set up home. makes me wonder where this person or these people went...
how are you? me, too much energy. discombobulated! lots of cleaning & exercise & pumping piano is the remedy. plus daily duty to the universe inside, from whence all comes... such practice helps keep that little demon down, the one that tells me go, go, go. that little trickster's fine @ times, like for creative spark & nerve, but @ others, she must be banished to her room!!!!
ok, it's about pasta time, then back to the boogie-woogie marathon... to have 10 moving fingers; to have a somewhat working mind; to have breath & a modicum of sanity: tho perhaps it take different shapes, we've all lots to celebrate while on this short trip of life, doncha think? :)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh...

food in belly, (some) dough (still) in wallet (spent most of it already), big & small fun had by all, big & small. dusk devils rocked!! poker-faced scott, manic rick, & a soulful phil stormed & pounded the house. rick played max bangwell's slingerland set & on the encore, we sounded like the cramps!! i almost went out of my skin, hearing that coming from us!! as sure as i'll always get lost trying to get home from taft @ nite, its audiences will always be tops: people howled & danced in seats & whooped & clapped & screamed & smiled all night long. as appreciative males got drunker & drunker & dancers lost their equilibrium, my corseted undergarments fortuitously came in handy as effective body armor. fearless, fierce, x-rated gentleman james & i talked about 5 royales, musician dumbasses, how much we love being in the car, lucid dreams. wide-smiling scott abeyta pitched us a record dealy & max bangwell described his cool living set-up & working w/weird al for 6 yrs. blues express is super, super tight! oh, to be that tight: what would it be like?? as i said, tho, i was so happy w/dusk devils that nite. wow!
james mugged & joked, wily, wild, weird & sexual ("i thought i was just being weird," he sez) & w/the most keeningly powerful voice i know. i got a dedication again, as well as lots of "looks"!!!! i know, tho, that @ every show, some gal's got to be the focus; it's pt of the shtick, & i was flattered to get my turn.
near show's end, the stage a graveyard of beer bottles, jp did a trick emulating end of nekromantik (minus auto-erotic stabbing) w/strategically-placed exploding beer bottle that was so embarrassing & thrilling, it was just that much more plain-wrong yet perfect. i've been called a "fearless performer," but i am a little chicken compared to james, who'll do anything onstage to get folks to laugh & gape & adore. once it all was over, they locked the doors & i made extra cash playing the bar piano as indefatigable james sang (to me directly, @ times!). we even sang together on some ray price, tho by then i was running out of gas seriously-bad & starting to slip in my playing & also worrying about getting home to the yd sale i was suppoed to help w/that next day... but i'll always remember -- & this might sound like bragging, but it's what HAPPENED -- jp leaning over & leaning in & watching me like i was something special, watching me play & grinning, then cooing, "you're so talented," & then to the room, "isn't she talented? isn't she the greatest?" then telling me to play something "kinda pete johnson" & blasting out the strongest-piped version of "roll 'em pete" i've ever been in such proximity to, w/all the correct lyrics. whatta thrill! whatta kick! me & whiteboy james playing music like that! he said we should do a duo, play gigs in LA, we'd make all kind of money. true, he was pretty dang lit by then, but still, i was very flattered. life just sang @ that moment, & later, when i took ar un, the gorgeous, cool-breezed, wonderful wkend climate seeming to match this exhilaration. life does sing @ times, doesn't it? happy, happy to all, friends. happy happy!

this friday! woohoo!

we will be redeemed!

"friend...gooood..."

wie geht's, meine freunde?(warning -- alliteration ahead:) a couple of my most musical monster mates just had birthday blowout bashes. here are some graphics for them, & you, too, if you like... a few wks back, too, was bd of my future ex-husband, the creative big bro of all us in this particular little musical pond... looking fwd to aping big bro's 1st record w/our next (bsp, who's got broader musical interest than do i, said the clash did this w/elvis); auditioning for act whom i'm told will Travel w/a cap "t" (oh crap -- where's my passport?!?); working again w/al hendrix, the lost rocker; dusk devils groovings w/art fein, who says he'll make us "sound right" & "what've you [i] been waiting for?" & we'll feature this time all-original tunes -- 15 of them!
post-snowpocalypse, the "mad-wind's night work, the frolic architecture of snow" has calmed & this place, good gravy, is gloriously gorgeous!! no alpine resort could beat this mtn's beauty @ this moment. :) i hear bksfld's pretty lovely right now, too. time to pack a bag & get this bag down the hill.
today, let us all "be... the rainbow in the storms of life."
another great one: "i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning to sail my ship." (louisa may alcott)

cabin fever brings lack of fortitude, longing for smoggy bakersfield. snowpocalypse is here!

now i know why melville used white as a metaphor for evil. snow snow snow, everyplace is snow... there's no color! just blank blank blank, wind, fury, flurries that at 1st (10 hrs ago) looked to dance, now just menace, unnerve, bore, blah! friends've said today, "how beautiful it must be!" i grew up in the san joaquin valley. now, no one wants the valley's putrid cow air or particulate smog-death, but we natives're designed for hot! color! the springtime-beautiful, flat, green & golden valley! not this!!!
the power has been out most of the day & night. trees sway, weave, then crack, limbs snapping off under the wt of snow. the neighbor's took out my cable line as i sat staring out the window, stupid w/boredom, but it missed my truck! & also, i have no cable! so far, so good, really! but i wouldn't be surprised if i lose my phone or power lines before this storm's over. & if the power lasts? that'll be amazing! i'm not holding my breath!
i got the report from bksfld tv. 30 cars are stuck down in the middle of this town! this town is the hardest-hit of all storm areas! my neighbor says he's been here 8 yrs & this is the worst storm yet! all i know is, i am anxious & bored. i tell myself, no one's ever died of boredom. be thankful! it IS beautiful. but falling trees, no power, i shudder w/dread!... now, as dusk nears, the juice snaps back on for now. thank you, edison!
i look out & see a gigantic vehicle stuck right below my driveway. right there out the window! i don't want to look. it's embarrassing to all, to see such a sturdy-seeming beast spinning its silver wheels impotently in the sludge, like a harpooned leviathan, a noble creature wounded (even tho it's just a stupid car, in reality)...
this doesn't qualify as a blizzard - for that, i read, winds have to be 35 mph... but this is some white-out! i'm a suburban dweeb, a little wimp who'd never last in the wild. i want out! yes, i have a roof & food & gas for my heaters... but i want bakersfield!!
aaaaahhh!!! it's snowing & blowing even harder now!! it's the end of days, it's crazy-making, it's snowpocalypse! fields said it best, so here.

jenny and the phantoms perform real coolo songs

the chickens down the road are screaming!!! maybe they're pushing out some gigantor eggs... last night @ the mtg, my friend karen & i agreed we want chickens like our friend joy has. hers are pretty & funny & make multi-colored eggs. wow: imagine that!! :) ok, here's some new songs w/lyrics, very crude recordings (por supuesto). also put them on esnips, but since don't have quicktime on this particular laptop, can't embed that here (hence the video, which was sort of fun & irritating to make). (actually, i guess my "video" is really just a slide show, as my niece would pt out, were she here!) here's link to esnips audio of songs, tho there you can't be privy to the brilliant lyrics.
(please laugh.) new songs on esnips

music ate my brain

- at 11 pm tonight, i got the bright idea to record & upload to this site 6 of the 15 or so songs i've written in the past month. a music pal had encouraged me to not worry about quality (always a huge concern of mine)(ha!)(not!), said i can pull the songs when i get better versions. (hah! like i'll do that!)(oh well.) so here it is past 2:30 am... we'll see if i can get the songs posted... anyways, thanks, meine freunde. hope you likee.
- we were watching looney tunes down at candye k's pad in oceanside last wk, me munching taco take-out & candye & laura practicing for their session that next day. laura played the line from "scratch my back" as candye relaxed in her chair w/her apple on her lap & sang w/the guitar a strong, sexy, bluesy take on "sweet nothings," giving some mondo cojones to a fun tune that yet used to embarrass me to sing due to its wimpiness. candye's version will not wimp one bit! what a genius way to give albondigas to a cool but sissy tune: add some slim harpo & let candye sing it! then they went into one candye'd written but they'd never hashed out, "haunted house." candye belted away, laura played. writing it the night before - so beat! so punk rock! (i'm being admiring, not ironic.) (am clarifying that bc no context in text has caused catastrophes in this casa of late.) anyways, they finished, then just like that, PLAYBACK! i jumped off the divan & sputtered, "you're listening to it already? just like that?" they looked at me patiently, dumb peasant that i am. apple has a built-in audio studio program!!! sh*tfire! if i had an apple, i would've been in bed hrs ago!
-arrghh!! &#*$&!)#*%!! audacity is causing problems! i cannot try to upload the songs again (this would be the 3rd pass) or i shall die. yes, there are far more destructive & pathetic reasons to be up all night long on the computer than obsession w/music & writing, but posting these songs'll just have to wait til manana. like sands thru the hour glass, these are the days of our lives...

farewell to meat, hello, my friends, blablabla

just learned that "carnivale" (carne + vale) means "farewell to meat." how timely & comforting, the uncanniness of the etymology & a-ha moment: of course! 40 days of change & increased vigilance w/regards to food, people, & ideas is a wise place to go for sacrifice & continuing discipline. carnivale!
am not ready to go get ashes today, tho... maybe next yr. carnivale, tho, is not just imperative right now, i'm thinking, but a doable task!
it'd've been better, maybe, if i'd spent last night in revelry instead of repentance, but such is life right now & @ least w/each new sunrise & breath, there's chance for renewal. to stop & stand in mistakes, like a pile of stool, would be the only real mistake. (sing along: "go forward... move ahead... try to detect it... it's not too late... to whip it... whip it good!")
san diego county is paradise, the beaches peaceful & less crowded than LA's; friends run deep for me there, ppl whom i admire & aspire to be more like.
the dear mcgraws are the hosts w/the mosts, friendly, fun-loving, generous, tough, & kind. we attended little italy's carnevale & watched brocaded, stilted street performers w/elaborate masks lumber around while mediterraneanesque musicians sang & played & children hopped & twirled & danced & merrymakers gathered at pizza joints & cafes. not just people, but pets, too, walked around dressed like montresor & fortunato or extras in the merchant of venice, & the romantic melodies of each song we heard lingered. bill & i could've driven freddie a little nuts w/our constant happy singing, whistling, & humming except that F&B're too big-hearted to drive nuts; they just love all as-is, always, tho, as i mentioned, pull covers as called for!
got to go to many mtgs. got to hang w/candye & laura in oceanside, watch foghorn leghorn, spend time @ the beach there in meditation & stroll, have a tasty repast @ pannikan coffee & tea near the ocean. got to get a pep-talk from candye, who is generous & caring & strong that way &, as busy as she is, always makes time to bolster others. it occurred to me one night that in january while i was trying to come back to life cooling my heels in new mexico, candye was onstage performing her heart out, telling her own life story onstage! talk about contrast... candye says it's not yet out on DVD, but here's a link to her play, which laura said sold out more & more each night of its run... you know it must be a heck of an inspiring story -- must be quite a well-done production, too, to have generated that kind of buzz! the toughest girl alive

memphis mike, carnivale, friends, life goes on

memphis mike told me today a couple he knows call this "their song." weird & cool bc mike wrote it for me when i was going thru the latest deep depression. it DOES have a really pretty slide guitar, tho, a murky romance, despite its melancholic sound. maybe the female of his friends is also named jenny. hmmm.
- you never know what people will find romantic. for instance, one of the most romantic songs i know is doug kershaw/fats domino's version of "don't mess with my toot-toot." :)
- yesterday was a glorious drive in the south valley w/snow-capped mountains, barren hilltop vineyards stately as calvary, golden light & flutters of birds, signs for sorghum & pine nuts, homely & humble crumbles of former roadside stops, the wide wide flat flat green green valley that is home down in my bones, its mere sight on clear days bringing such deep rest & comfort! today i went rock-hunting & have worked on another circuit of my labyrinth. but it's become another dark time here on the mtn, tho outside is brilliant & beautiful. the law of attraction seems to be in action, but i know, know, know that also can mean great good w/the next persistent breath. the trick & task is to continue no matter what.
- *inhale* *exhale*
- tomorrow i hope to powwow w/manuel re important bidness before joining up w/my dear, dear friends F&B. was gonna see candye, too, but i think that busy gal double-booked: she's playing in vegas! i'd rather be there when she is there, tho her place is so nice, balmy, peaceful... penultimately, looks to be a fantastic mardi gras party in downtown san diego this wkend: little italy carnevale. (last section deleted by me.)

john doe, david nigel lloyd

- someone asked about john doe of x. what i know: he lived in frazier park. he moved to bakersfield. i lived in bakersfield. i moved to frazier park. john bazz quipped we "switched places." i suspect john doe lived in much larger digs than do i, tho i love my house to pieces & the only other one i want here, up on the wet (south) side of this little valley w/a perfect apple tree in the yd & view of this mountain, has been sold & is owned by someone who hasn't even fixed the place up one bit. that little house deserves some love!!
- i hear JD left bakersfield. if so, can't say i blame him. roots musicians are sometimes drawn from around the world to bksfld, romancing it, believing it still to have its scrappy down-home honky-tonking musical nightlife. shortly reality hits, that there's small support for musicians in general, never mind the ones that cleave to the area's rebelliously twangy tradition. bakersfield's like a bad relationship: love to hate it, hate to love it. i think you have to be native to be willing to stick around for the good times the relationship can bring cause in between them, there's big-time disappointment to be had, living in bakersfield.
- a storm's supposed to dump upon the mountain. david nigel- & gita lloyd are to visit soon. i hope i'll be home to host them, since my plans are to squirrel off. david's playing tomorrow, saturday, @ the work of heart gallery here, 7 pm, $15. he's worth forking out the dough. here's more info: DNL in FP david & gita are the real thing, the real tamale, warm, bright, & fascinating folks devoted to the true artists' ways. they are pure in a place that's often, sadly, just purely polluted. praise & support to the lloyds.

banes of humanity

tho am supposed to these days play more, fret less (not talking guitar, either), the following are two strategy- & pattern-freak crazy-makers. productivity & commitment, to the devil, for tonight has brought game-centered -- therefore creative, therefore the only type desirable -- obsession & madness! have fun with silversphere and bloxorz... mwahahahahahaha!

the muses ain't dead; long live the appendages.

after nearly two yrs, finally set up my little home "studio" here @ the mtn abode & recorded three new songs (well, two were "old," but unfinished til today). have written lots of songs, but haven't had the heart to record for quite some time... so today was a real milestone!
took quite a long time to find everything i needed, get it all hooked up, then recall how the 8-track works... forgot what a transcendent, immersing experience home recording is. joy!! where'd the day go?!? am suddenly hungry & cold, tho didn't noticed while working on songs.
too, so love playing bass & making it really boom, as well as fit crude semblances of percussion parts together. can't play guitar worth a lick, so on one ronnie dawson-kind of tune, i threw an A chord on top of where B went, eliciting a weirdish, chicken-scratch, hasil adkins-manquee kind of sound... yeah!
am so happy & grateful for today: wonderful little mtg in pinon pines w/my mtn fellowship friends, visit w/sister, then all day snowflakes & wind & sun & clouds & then more snow, a real winter wonderland, while inside all's cozy & music-filled.
can't wait to work on songs more tomorrow. for now, time to quit, find something to eat, maybe read or roku for a bit.
if i can download audacity, then remember my esnips password, will try to add new songs there in the next eon or so.
it's saturday night! tomorrow's jonny whiteside's messaround @ viva cantina burbank, then manuel @ liquid kitty, plus kaykay's cattle call jam @ julie's branding iron in bako... :)
the appendages live. long live the appendages!

it really looks like this! (pour me out & call me sugar. impossible to be bitter in these pts, after all.)

found this pic from life magazine - i believe it could be the road heading away from my very own house! it really looked that beautiful here today, in any case, after last night's storm... yes, anybody'd delight w/living in this lovely mountain town. today i made the rounds of locals shops w/small goal beyond being out & about... an old man named john, who volunteers @ the various thrift shops, smiled, clapped his hands, & exclaimed, "oh! you're back. you are so beautiful!" HE'S beautiful: straight-backed, coffee-colored, beaming broadly, today in neatly pressed turquoise shirt & shiny western belt buckle. i'm not special except in that john makes everyone feel special. he is one of the kindest & happiest fellows i've ever met! going place to place around the mtn, ppl were friendly, happy. the day was stunning! what was to keep ppl on the mtn from feeling joyful to some degree? this morning, a mist resembling snow danced around the sky, shiny particles swirling & tumbling in heavenly jitterbug, but the climate was too warm for snow; a deep sniff of air brought a clean fragrance of aliveness, refreshment, even the beach! it was magical, as is, i believe, this place, this golden mountain, these rocks, these trees, trees that sang & sighed & moaned during last night's storm. best of all was to share the evening w/my dear sister here, the palpable connection w/loved ones, & now to settle w/a book or maybe even a movie. gentle evening to all.
announcing: we have more gigs coming up
building: next wk, a labyrinth
cleaning: house, in several ways
deciding: whether to paint or not
emphasizing: to try to control others is to demean them
fine-tuning: new songs from the last few days
gravitating toward: a gentler & happier way (i hope)
hoping: for a full moon
ignoring: the mean ones
joking: with my sister tonight over dinner
kissing: roscoe & gusgus
listening to: the space heater, ocean sounds
meditating upon: acem
needing: rocks for my labyrinth
orienting: to new ways of thinking
postulating that: plants are sentient & therefore feel pain & therefore
questioning: what the heck do we eat?
reading: just kids by patti smith
stuck on: wonderment that i'm still here
thinking: dinner @ los pinos w/angie was sure good
unable to: fly
valuing: having been awakened again to life
wanting: a fire
x-amining: the evidence, instead of the voices in my head
yearning for: iceland, new orleans
zoning out: because of a full stomach

v day!

happy valentine's day to all! -especially to that secret, most important valentine residing w/in, the ever-loving, ever-constant partner who knows us best & always roots for us, even when we forget... thank you to patty b for pix from sat's show... i was so happy to have a sincere heart-to-heart w/becky "cattie ness," hear her rockin band, talk w/karling & hear her crystal-clear vocals & whip-sharp band, to perform for the 1st time minus monster makeup, wearing a dress of demure length bc it was red & fringy & why the heck not? all in all, saturday felt like a debut into a life of realness -- despite the highly artifical setting! i take this as a very good sign... to combine authenticity w/performance: what a heartening accomplishment -- seemingly, now, possible! thank you & much love to my ultra-rockin dusk devils men for setting the stage on fire w/heart, talent, & dedication to always putting in nothing less than 110% -- no slackers in this lineup, & it shows in the way the audience cheers, in the palpable excitement coming from the crowd!... gentleness, fun, gratitude, & love to you. :)