moving

arrrrrrgggghhhh!!! my fingers!!!!!!!!
i think i reherniated myself. i look like my sister, lover of mosh pits & martial arts: bruised bow to stern. how did i ever amass so many gd LPs, CDs, music equipment, movies, &, most of all, books??? (&, reminds randy, big shoes.) i should have been collecting granite all these yrs. it'd've be less agonizing to move. however, despite my pain & fatigue, & the possible pain/fatigue of all the loved ones who helped me, the home in the mountains is shaping up cozily (tho the outside still resembles a haunted house). waking up to a window full of national forest & robin's egg-blue sky, with cool clean breezes wafting thru the curtains, fills me with an even happier feeling than i ever imagined... ahhh; to be able to breathe is a wonderful thing.
i hope grandma mary's spirit doesn't take this as blasphemy: peace be with you.

iiiii'm so vain...

oh boy, am so bushed... been moving, moving, moving. my old house, in which i now sit, is a lonely ghost containing scarcely more than this computer & i, while the new one, packed w/boxes, awaits me in another town & hops w/promise. i miss it! and i'm scared... i'm moving. but mountain retreat it will be, will be! &, of course, the only constant is change. shiver.
body's tahrd tahrd tahrd. want to make a pallet on the floor & crash, but there's nothing w/which to pallet. so i play bejeweled like a zombie & you know how one's mind wanders when fatigued & i realize there are 3 songs out there about me. not ones i THINK are about me, but really, truly about jenny. but it's irritating because 2 of the songs are sort of dirge-ish & self-pitying & really about the guy, not about me, this projection of what they think i be, when i'd prefer something sort of wildly fun, like "crazy baby," or weird & cool like "for the love of ivy," or soulfully anthemic, like "mona," or romantic, deep, & devoted like "(life's little) ups & downs," or at least about the me i think i am (but how could they know? i never tell them & they don't ask)... however, the 3rd of the songs is a really cool surfy-mysterious instrumental & i feel honored that it's about me, composed by a talented, towering texan w/these really cool hands that look biblical or sculpted by michelangelo...
yes, i'm feeling rather special until i realize that except for "the big g," i've written about 25,000,000 songs about guys. i don't know where this is going, so i'm going to make a pallet.

screeds, songs, & poems: there was a little house on a hill w/a pretty white porch, little pink curtains, & a white picket fence.

and then it blew up.
-the above paraphrases a poem i plagiarized & had published in a literary magazine, i think at the JC level... amazing!... here's the other one:
-little birdy on the tree with lovely breast of red
-i brought the window slowly down & crushed its little head.
- certainly i stole that one, too, & now the sentiment horrifies me. the other day in a conversation about mad, my favorite rag when i was a child, this jerk i know sputtered, "i hate that magazine! i was this innocent little kid & it turned me into a smarmy smart-a** cynic!" ... the comment perturbed & disturbed me. did mad hip me to society's absurdity or turn me into a snickering lout?? yes, probably both. such Qs only are pondered by people like me: middle-class, spare-timing, fleet-fingered, monkey-minded. no one cares in kansas or kathmandu, nor anyplace else. as they should not.
-my friend candye, the big-hearted, beloved superstar, was dumped recently by a prickly romeo w/pretensions of intellect. she will heal & grow. if rather than move on to his next victim he also should grow, all will be bettered, for no one should live life as an a**hole. it disrespects not just others, but oneself & in the end can lead only to despair. to quote my friend, "i... have spoken." la vie continue.
- evidence of this is i started moving today, to the mountaintop dump-cum-abode. many friends helped! i couldn't stop smiling... how wonderful it is to be supported by others, making me want to do so in return. thanks to mighty philip, mighty randy, the amazon carly, strong patty, smiling mo, mom & dad, & the two young bucks who unloaded the truck on the FP end, nimbly tossing furniture into the house like footballs, or beers, or things much lighter than furniture. all saved me hrs & hrs of work & many bruises, sprained fingers, & sundry hurts. it was move, sweat, & food drink food all day, & i'm grateful to've had the scratch to make it happen. great fun it was to man the big u-haul w/patty & mo shotgun & happy conversation singing thru the cab, singing like my heart.
- tomorrow will be another load, then it's blow this popstand for cleaner air &, i hope, a new life of good health & happiness, w/frequent jogs to bakerspatch & &swellay as well as consistent visits from friends & family.
- lastly, our show tonight was cancelled last second!! i was solemnly prepared to move all day, then grimly (tho w/big dippy grin on my face) soldier thru 4-hours of gig w/my similarly dog-tired pals, entertaining the crowd thru our exhaustion, humble showpeople that we are... so now instead i sit in my near-naked pad, typing this nonsense.
- all club/bar/saloon owners who promise to pay a flesh-and-blood, practiced, entertaining, fun loving, hard-working band & then last-second pick DJs over musicians should be pantsed & trash-canned!!!!! ... to the devil w/said booze slinger. to da devil!!!
- well, time to sign off. HAPPY WEEKEND TO ALL!! to quote alfred e, from the extraordinary & exalted flexi-disc 45, "it's a GAS!!!"!

the joint is jumpin, it's really jumpin, come in cats & check your hats, i mean this joint is jumpin!

See below for this Saturday's show... Friday's a semi-private deal, no booze, no dope, email me if you are interested... Look what else's up in June! Thanks for spreading the word. :) :)

joon shoze and un feliz dia -- un feliz fin de semana!!

june 4 - private event
june 5 - opening for LEE ROCKER at rockin' roots 2010, stramler park. see flyer below for details.
june 12 - element lounge, bksfld, all night long
june 26 - opening for WHITEBOY JAMES & THE BLUES EXPRESS, vinny's, bakersfield, details to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(no, dusk devils are not breaking up. in fact, when i move, i hope to get together w/musicos in smell - i mean, swellay! we shall see...)
que tengan un buen dia, mis amigos y queridos. :) :)

a long meditation on the horrors of leading a band that includes professional session players, a dd gig, & la vida sonsa

-the other day we got to play w/mark yeary, who truly is an awesome piano player! he has backed many, most famously merle haggard. his physicality & smoothness reminded me of gene taylor - hopping from island to island, square hands always perfectly balanced to attack the keys with strength, speed, & agility. when he sang, too, in a voice somehow both laid-back & energetic, his style still reminded me of gene the boogie-woogie king: muscular yet no effort wasted, soulful but w/lightness of touch. mark yeary is one swinging cat!
-i asked him to play some nola style songs & he did both roberta & some fats domino! his band was really solid, w/steve woods on guitar. two fellows well-known by all but me played trumpet (wow!!!!! a tall man named john...) & saxophone (we did honky-tonk w/him, an elderly fellow probably famous except to this know-nothing). later in the night, ray mcdonald strolled in & smoothly crooned some merle songs...
-i found out i'm not a band leader except w/dds. when you're talking about a band that's practiced only in certain tunes, then you're expected as a unit to follow, there're just too many carcasses to haul thru the mud on a tune that's unknown by even one poor soul.
-yes, mark yeary, the fantastic & famous pianist, wanted me to lead. my playing already was suffering bc i was nervous to play in front of him! but he kept looking @ me to kick it off & i kept looking at him hoping he'd kick it off. some songs would've been great if we didn't do 95 go-arounds, but i wanted to be sure everyone got a chance on every flippin' song. see how polite i am??? there were 85 musicians on the stage & i wanted to give each one a go-around... the set groaned... finally, phil, dear man, stepped in & pulled everyone out of the drink. yes, he's more portable, but his musical direction was also more adept (not to mention he can pull any style out of his can, like a human jukebox). i just wanna go fast! in the presence of fine musicians (except dds), such as folks playing music w/thrilling-to-watch but terrifying-to-accompany finesse, my star does not glimmer or shimmer. it just gets dimmer. and i feel dumber. like a bummer.
- enough already on this; i know. but rats. and dang! still, we all were honored to be around such great musicians... that trumpet just killed me!! i truly had no idea that this kind of & quality of music was going on in bako! i will go back again - to watch! and i think phil will have little problem sitting in... go to julie's branding iron 3rd friday of each month to catch this swell show. it'll just kill you!!
- now here's a flyer for our next show (corrected for a 3rd time!). we also have a private deal on june 4 & a few more pending. i might be moving, but we're not dead, no sir!! one possibility's such a kick. a kick! i'll reveal its secret @ later date... bwahaha
-this eve, my doggies are here (they finally laid down to rest after the border collie spent the 1st hr here bouncing like a jumping bean); i've started packing a tad; the mountaintop residence is turning into an actual abode rather than dump bringing horror to my loved ones; my dear cousin's coming in this wkend from tx; i "get to" make an amend in lotusland (character building & soul-clearing, i hope). next wk, the last of school, i'll hope to have a library party. am gonna miss those kids so much. hope i don't start blubbering too much. wouldn't want my dear students to cry even one tear, not a one. i hope i'll always remember them, least as long as i'm on this wild blue.
washington irving: "there is a sacredness in tears. they are not the mark of weakness, but of power. they speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. they are messengers of overwhelming grief... & unspeakable love.”

tell yor friends

see above

if nothing changes, nothing changes

music i used to listen to: manic depression is touching my soul i know what i want but i just don't know how to go about gettin' it feelings sweet feelings drops from my fingers, fingers manic depression is catchin' my soul [man] so weary, the sweet cause of pain you make love, you break love it's all the same when it's over music, sweet music i wish i could caress, caress, caress manic depression is a frustrating mess
well, I think I'll go turn myself off and go on down, all the way down really ain't no use in me hanging around in your kinda scene
und: well, i've been down so g*d* long, well, it looks like up to me (actually, this 1st was a novel by richard farina... still have a copy)
the good thing in all this is, the only way from here is up. otra ves. ein andere. again. etc.
today was dad's bd & tomorrow's mother's day & surrounded by love, giving all i can of it, life goes on. ob-la-di, ob-la-da.

good timing/carpe diem!

we don't have any immediate gigs... but what serendipitous timing! phil is w/his family, mark's w/silence club, randy's knee-deep in the good times, & my home in the mountains just closed!! went there yesterday to mt w/handyman, hope to go back today to see bout getting some paint on the walls, oh wow - can't believe i'm gonna live someplace so beautiful!... however, it's gonna take a bit to get in there since it's a super fixer-upper, to put it mildly, if i haven't said so already. the drive home last night from there was spectacular; the mountains & colors just make my heart swell.
pix to stir your imagination (do mine, anyway):
where i'd like to be:
how i'm feeling right now:
my bud & everyone else's: sacre bleu; carpe diem; hail hail rocknroll; wail, baby, wail!

wow.

at 1st, i thought this was the picnic where we'll play at noon, but then maybe it was hart pk, but i don't think it's either. still, what a shot. :) this morn i'm listening to NPR &the birds are singing joyously. my house is in escrow, the sun is shining, & later i get to see 100s of friends, then my little beautiful cousin, who is having her 1st communion. today is a good day, & may it be for you, as well.

evol.

- wasn't that the name of a sonic youth LP? on the front was this snarling, crawling monstrous chick... my brand of love's just backwards, & tho i've been snarling & monstrous in my time, i hope my brand of love's not. love in my estimation is noble, brave, kind, generous, heart-swelling, hormonal, obsessive, lascivious, perverse, etc. etc., but also awkward, oblique, bashful, stumbling, bumbling, stupefying, stupid-making: evol.
- my band practiced here tonight. stripped down, all sounded so grand & smart & fun & exciting... i want to record us next time we practice at my little place... yes, after i got over my pity party (the guys are much better musicians than am i), we sure had fun, i think. :) yes, this wkend we're playing a sober picnic... then markoni gets to go play the beerfest. priceless! from the sober drunks to the drunk drunks - what a capper! just goes to show reality trumps fantasy in the departments of interesting, weird, & funny. :)
- this past wkend, my sis & i did a 5k. i'll let her tell you about it, tho i'll say it was her 1st... here's a pic of us (from andy noise) w/my hair flying attractively. not. it sure was fun to share that experience w/my little sissy, tho. :)
- then sunday this man & i went to venice beach & saw the creature pictured. i said, "you are awesome!!!" & he replied placidly, "you have to take root before you can branch out..." on the sand, a crush of stoned youngsters & hippies & more were beating out a gigantic drum circle-dervish to celebrate "4/20," which you either dig ref to or do not. i didn't really, til the big man told me, cause in my old life, every day was 4/20.
- lastly, here's a pic that needs no explanation.

wop-bob-a-loo-wop a wop bam boom

music is love & friendship, passion & excitement, peace, catharsis, joy. and kicks!!!
without music, life wouldn't be worth a fig.

i can shake a chicken in the middle of the room

- boy, last night's show at the branding iron was fun fun fun. :) 1st, phil & i met w/a couple opening a diner downtown at 19th & eye - they've got 45s glued along the tops of the walls all around the whole gigantic place! i looked @ most all (hundreds) & didn't see any that'd make a vinylphile cry if he/she saw it glued... we loaded in & then @ the last sec i had to speed home cause i'd forgotten to bring the plug for the PA head. ahhhh!!! then we played a (sort of) mellow little set bc it was early, & the crowd was very appreciative & happy & warm. by 2nd set we screwed it down quite a bit more & by 3rd set, robert tidwell was there screaming his mike ness versions of rockabilly tunes & phil even improvised a jazzy blues-billy thing when i left the floor to go answer a Q from an audience member & i so love riffing like that, tho i know sometimes it can be hair-raising, like when you don't know where the song's going next & just have to use your ear... all tight on the stage together, we cozied in & it felt swell to play together, like we were one unit rather than 4 separate souls.
- we met art byrom, who was really nice & complimentary, & i just loved how all the women in particular kept getting out to dance together, like the band & i were empowering them (i never really noticed a common theme running thru our songs - not just of sex, but of a certain independence) & several times i saw people singing along not just our covers, but w/MY ORIGINAL SONGS!!! - yes, looking @ me while i played & singing MY SONGS w/smiles on their faces... oh my gosh, that was too too cool!
- here's a pic from lovely angel of when i got on bass for a minute bc mark claimed he didn't know how to play johnny b. goode (i think he wanted to go burn one) - that bass was huge & heavy! but the pic's kind of cool. :) mark & phil were just hilarious throughout the show, what comedians. and the ladies really like phil, who always dresses up smart for the shows... he had some crazy running joke about chickens going all night & i realized we do two songs that mention them! i couldn't even sing "let's have a party" for the longest time bc i'd crack up when it comes to the line "i can shake a chicken in the middle of the room"... sometimes i still do laugh when i get there, but it's ok, it's all ok, we're sharing in the happiness of the room. :) next we need to add in the cramps' version of "chicken," tho i guess we'd have to do the dusk devils' version, since no one can well-imitate the cramps!!
- then we all went to zingo's & shared egg sandwich, biscuits, & country potatoes. i came home & everything went to crap. that morning had been so calm & peaceful, walking the labyrinth at st philip's & enjoying the lovely weather, & this morning's going to be good & beautiful & it's off to the drunk society where i'll be w/good good people, so life goes on til it doesn't, & then who knows what'll happen? ashes to ashes, dust to dust, make hay while sun shines, we must we must...

elaborations, fascinations, celebrations, admirations,

ok, so to explain the below pix:
1. dancing - those were from the al hendrix show we did w/al & token okies at ethel's. beforehand, phil & i practiced over at robt tidwell's beautiful italianate home in the country w/rt, franky kiplinger & kirby shropshire, who are mensches. then al came to town w/sweet wife laraine & we practiced again. the show was swell & fun & loaded w/bikers & al kept throwing me unannounced solos, prefacing each w/"here's jenny angel! jerry lee better watch out!" so then i'd choke real good, tho a few times i caught the right ideas & notes & it was kinda like flying, what exhilaration... mom, dad, angie & friends showed up, & one of my favorite persons on earth came in as we did "i push right over." that was really cool. al played well, super-rocking, even, &, of course, the phil was dressed to the nines. afterwards, he & i had really great ethel's hotdogs & fries & i am going to start him a fan club, mebbe... we dusk devils pretty much blew out the pa, tho not on purpose. am starting to think the piano, the mightiest instrument of all, is a formidable beast to pile on a pinche PA used only to 4 or 5 strings instruments... 88 keys pounding down like thunder, well, the PA is gonna be pretty much doomed sometimes...
2. ok, so then i  went snowshoeing again (only nearly fell to my death from the side of a steep snow-covered mountain this time; no injurious falls except when i tried to jump from bunk bed to king bed, forgetting i am decades beyond 10 years old, but @ least i didn't crack my head, like last time)... was eating in the dining hall & after the 1st taste looked @ each other in wonderment: this food was just spectacular!!! long story short, since i've gotta go to bed soon, is the chef somehow was talli counsel, the 1st african-american white house chef, chef for presidents carter, clinton, &, yes, obama. there he was, beaming broadly, chatting up the lodge-stayers, dressed in fine pressed black uniform that bore proudly the seal of the president of the united states! chef talli said he plans menus & travels w/the obama family when they go places on air force one. & he had cooked dinner!! all were eating a meal fit for a president! naturally, it was one of the most mouth-watering, scrumptious meals i've ever had: jumbo prawns, pesto ravioli, feta-stuffed lamb w/raspberry coulis, pumpkin-sweet potato pie, & even more than that - must pause to wipe drool from chin... how chef talli ended up cooking that night @ kings canyon's montecito lodge, well, i have no notion, only gratitude! (did i mention the food was free? included w/lodging? merciful heaven...)
3. ok, whiteboy james: he rocked the doubletree for pat evans' no stinkin' service charge blues series. his band was spectacular & james was so crazy fun & terrific! it kinda made me crazy, too, actually... after ending one exciting lead, scott abeyta weaved, panting, sweating, dazed, like he was gonna faint! the whole band was that much into the intense performance! the bakersfield audience was blown away, screaming for more. but james & the blues express left the stage, & pat declared, grinning, "i'd hate to follow that!" wbj & i chatted & bussed before & after the show; he is super-friendly & cute & funny & ingratiating & well-liked by many, many. i hope he comes back soon!! as i left, a large man grabbed my arm & enthused, "you guys need to open for them!!" i agree. that would be one fun, crazy-a** show, all right. :)
4. mi casa - i think i've gotten a place in frazier park, for the bottom line is that my choice @ this pt is breathe or die. the house is @ 5000 ft elevation. it's on a largish lot & backs up to national forest! you can stand in back & hear the wind rustling thru the trees! the house looks from the side like a hotel, which i really like, & has wrought iron railings, which reminds me of NOLA, so of course i'm in love w/the place, which to call a "fixer upper" would be a compliment. :) my family is horrified. restoring it will be my summer project. i can't wait! i love my house. from the second i saw it, i imagined how it will look when it gets some tender loving care. i had a vision! i'll fence the large yard & my doggies will come visit. i will listen to the trees. i will get calm. i will be able to breathe. :)
5. no pix on this, but am back to work. i missed so many of the kids so much while i was out, more than i even knew til i saw their sweet faces!!! i brought them lucky pennies w/a little note from me, thinking, they might not value these, but it feels right to give them out... the word's gotten round, & now lots of kids are coming in the library for their lucky pennies. one boy told me his penny fell on the floor; he went to pick it up & found 12 bucks. two came in today & told me, "the lucky pennies work! they brought us good luck! we won our soccer game!"
what could be better than stories like this? children big & small are the breath of life, the reason to keep trying, our future, our innocence & hope, & our joy.
time for bed! what a life! whatta whatta! mwah!

long long long long time since blogging

am back to work! the kids are so swell. :) will fill this in later meanwhiles, here are pix...

the lost rocker

messiness & gratitudes

-while i was at sansum clinic, the weather in sb was perfect. i got to eat at some of my favorite restaurants like petrini's & cajun kitchen. mama enjoyed the hostel-like, reasonably-priced hotel, half residents on ssi, half europeans w/large backpacks, paper cranes covering the lobby ceiling, university bookstore volumes in the shelves. it rained like heck a few days. the stately library had an awesome book sale: sherman alexie, russian short stories, all for $1.50. the drs at sansum were, to a one, kindly & friendly, taking their time to assess me. i've never gotten such care from traditional medicine except one day prior, in bakersfield, from an endocrinologist whom i immediately liked, w/his humble sweater, patient air, & scuffed shoes. the problems between my ears already have been being treated for about one month; after one psychotic episode & meds adjustment, i can gratefully say that i feel like my old self, but w/o as much nervousness & disquiet... my sansum test results: perfect hearing; severe allergies (i knew that, but each person who walked in to observe my skin test saw my inflamed back & exclaimed, "boy, YOU'VE got some ALLERGIES!!"); sinus tests still out; & best of all, NO THYROID CANCER, tho one set of tests is still out.
there is much for which to be grateful. amor vincit omnia. amicitiae nostrae spero sempiternum fore! happy wkend, friends. :)

yurt, dome, or yome? & "you gotta dig a little deeper": the best movie in town's at the dollar theatre

have caught on fire w/house-hunting mania (quietly, tremblingly so, from my computer here)... what variety of properties the mtns have! have put 2 bids in in last 2 days... we'll see! meanwhile, for the property i hope to get, shall i add to it a yurt, dome, or yome? google these terms together, & fascinating sites on alternative dwellings come up... next, here are pix from my favorite movie of late. a magical valentine to nola rather than a glossing-over of jim crow & the plantation era, as have heard it described, it has wonderful vernacular joyful songs, inspired voice acting, beautiful color & animation, lovable characters, & of course, all set in new orleans, so the enamored & noble little firefly speaks gentle mumbly-mouthed cajun; the villain is basso purple-clad voodoo bad (his human disneyland imitators resemble esquerita or screamin jay, & how cool is that?); the gigantically happy bashful sidekick gator blows horn & is named after jordan, armstrong, or prima, take your pick; & the rescuer is a toe-cracking, cackling, gospel-singing little blind hoodoo lady named mama odie. the princess & the frog plays now in bakersfield at the dollar theatre - go see it, if you haven't! "dreams do come true in new orleans"... the city is pure enchantment, despite hardships; this movie celebrates that & i believe aids in the ongoing rebuild of the crescent city's spirit, as did the recent victory of the saints... hope you'll see it, or already have. :)

tweedeedeedeedeedle-eedee / "the greatest wealth is health" (virgil)

- was surprised to find this video on youtube! it's the only one i've seen where i'm clearly reading words as i sing (taped to the piano) - now i know i need to smile more when i'm doing that! was happy, tho, to hear my voice problems at that time weren't too apparent.
-please watch & rate the video (if you like it, that is) :)
-another on youtube from that same night also is under sofein's videos... if you will, please watch & rate it, too (again, if you like it, that is...) :)

-speaking of sofein, was sposed to lunch w/him yesterday in frazier pk, where i went bc 1) had no doctor's appts yesterday; & 2) have concluded i must move from bakersfield before summer hits if i'm to continue to live... looking back on this blog, i realize i've been sick now for SIX YEARS (tho probably longer, since this blog only goes 5 or so)!! i've had to conclude my poor health is due to the filthy air here, unfortunately, since i do love so much about backwardsfield, tho it's like a bad relationship, as i've said, one you can't get rid of but sometimes surprises you by being a real good time... art is going thru bereavement following the recent passing a very dear friend, grief that expressed itself in his back, so staying home in his hollywood bed, he was able to rest & i was able to be super-busy w/realtors. i was delighted by the variety of properties in frazier park! - left w/a feeling of real excitement. ideally, w/a place there, i'll be close enough to bako to see family, loved ones, doggies, dusk devils (& maybe find a band in socal, too!) & still live in a place where i can jog, hike, maybe rest & find peace, but most importantly, GOOD HEALTH!!!!
- found out the other day too that i have a bona fide "other" health condition besides thyroid & sinus/allergy problems... it was sort of a shameful moment of realization, but now, like realizing & facing alcoholism, i can accept a solution. some say "there are no accidents"... i dunno bout that, but perhaps all this bad health news will lead to a better & happier life for me & those who care about me.
- i agree 100% w/the following: "in order to change, we must be sick & tired of being sick & tired" (unknown) or, put another way, "to goodness and wisdom we only make promises; pain we obey" (proust).
-a few more truths & jewels: "joy and temperance and repose / slam the door on the doctor's nose" (longfellow).
- "diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body" (cicero).
- "a good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book" (irish proverb).
- and lastly, for myself & for you, if this be your problem, too, i second that "mens sana in corpore sano" (your prayer must be for a sound mind in a sound body) (juvenal). rock, rock, rocknroll, the feeling is there, body & soul...