arrrrrrrr

i just wrote a total rant! instead of impulsively publishing it here, i'm just gonna put up some pix. :)
yay! happy happy joy joy.

i don't feel like writing.

goodbye.

this just in!

i posted the bottom paragraph on facebook & now james's phone's ringing off the hook w/his friends calling to find out all about what happened! i don't guess it's the kinda thing your average city-born  cult-hero bluesman does... maybe cause there's only ONE person of that description who would've had the wherewithal to know what to do! :D
i'm so glad he was here cause i would've probably tried to save it & ended up getting bit in the process... dumbbell the cat, as is, was trying to get outside to play with it...
here's the post:
james killed a rattler on our porch. i got this house over 5 yrs ago & have never seen a snake til now, never mind a poisonous one, & never mind right at the front door!! r.i.p., dear viper, now headless carnivore chow in arroyo. thank goodness for james the snake slayer...

mo later

thass all for now

embarrassing

not this flyer, which is awesome, but that i am so exhausted only two days into my Big Week at the library. i haven't worked a 40 hr week in over 5 yrs!!! anyways, i'm enjoying myself & it's good to be able to say that about work. laborare est orare
this whole dang week i will be going hi-ho, hi-ho, good little not-dwarf that i am (jeez, so tired, can't even write entertainingly)... feeling competent & being good to people while working with books, couldn't be much better unless i also had free diet soda & a piano in the corner & maybe a gym... then this weekend's the library book sale as well as fiesta days in frazier park & yippee!
ah, heck, just come to our show in taft. you'll be glad you did! :D
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... time to chop logs...........

buuuurrrrp

sick sick sick sick sick!
yesterday my 48th bd was really nice, with neat monster diorama & pancakes made by james, our morning viewing of deadwood, which we're binge-viewing on roku at moment; hundreds of heartwarming well-wishes from cyber friends (so many dear sentiments! wow! people are so, so kind! what a wonder life is!); dramatic storm clouds followed by cloudburst & power outage (spooky beautiful cool!); slippery drive thru storm flood & then dry lower san joaquin valley farmlands w husband showing sweet care to frightened kitty; luscious ice cream cone; loving family... but then i got sick!!!! stupid stomach!!!! we went to a bksfld production of anything goes (fine choreography there, professional-level along w singing, & of course, cole porter score we all enjoyed very much) & i suffered (i hope quietly) throughout. arrrgggghhh!! pain!!! but there was no reason to make everyone go home. i've had no fever, so i don't think this spell's gonna make me kick the bucket... what's a little pain? so what? maybe if i ignore it, it'll pass quicker!
anyways, just was on mama's computer looking up stomach pain remedies & wanted to post these in case you don't know about them: peppermint; apple cider vinegar (i have a swig every day, but alas, it's on the mountain right now & we're here in the blast-furnace valley); bitters (any bars around here?); ginger.
when first i met james & his stomach problems were a continuing woe, i used to remind him about the BRAT diet: banana, rice, applesauce, toast. oh, & avoid stuff like dairy, heavy foods (hahahahaha! my husband can eat more than any one human i've ever met! but since The Event in march, his stomach's been much better, the source of his long-term pain not having been crohn's disease or IBS, but bleeding ulcer, now ameliorated!!).
gonna go search the cabinets for one or more remedies now, then return to bed & try not to eat the entire bottle of TUMS (they are delicious...).
may your stomach cooperate. may your socks stay sticker-free! may your nickels not be wooden & your teeth stay in your head!
more later!

blablblablablablablablablablablabla

i learned the other night that hotdogs are made up of 25% total mystery "meat". yes, 1/4 of the ingredients in american brats don't have to be reported at all!! yech. offal!!! then i learned two celebs i really like, andrew zimmern of bizarre foods & dave attell of foul-mouthed drunk humor, don't drink anymore, tho i don't know if either are "one of us" ("gooba-gooble, gooba-gobble") (i wonder if anyone will get that reference?) (who cares...) it's inspiring to learn people in the public eye whom i already kinda like & admire for their irreverence & decency could be "one of us"...
just drank too much coffee while editing dad's latest history article (dad's page). people from the bakersfield paper have been trolling dad's articles & siphoning off, not always attributing him. fyi, you supposed "reporters," that is called plagiarism!!! but dad's such a gent, he doesn't say much. HEEEE knows he's doing the original rooting out of story, not the rats that take from him... anyways, dad researches history cause he loves it so, which is why we do things: out of love, not for glory. cause we must!!
that reminds me that i just read about someone who seemingly does everything for greedy, selfish "glory," the billionaire dipsh*t donald *rump, whose asinine comments about veterans, hispanics, other repub presidentio contendores pretty much ensures that eventually someone's gonna kick his butt, or at least slap the wig off his head. can't wait!! hahahahahahah!!!!
well, that's about it except for a million other things... james has a show tonight in smellayland, & that should be big fun! oh, and the storm dumped 3.45 inches of rain over 2 days last week. whew! oh, and i'm reading about 50 different things right now, and oh well, that's about it...have a gneiss wan.

Big head & big head all sweaty after musically slamming the crap out of the place.

bum ba-bum bum

meeeeeee (hope you sang that, to the tune of the tums tv commercial of old...) i've just not wanted to write for some time... but this morning i realized it's that i haven't wanted to get on my computer because then... i have to... pay... ...
BILLS.
with this realization clear, i leaped up, turned on the ancient laptop, got it done. relief!!!
don't know why i procrastinate so at times. mebbe cause i don't have other bad habits, other than occasional descent into considerable depression & self-pity (& binge eating)... i rip articles from the NYer mag with plan to read them later. there was one on procrastination i kept for some months. but of course, i never read it. (badump-bump!)
geez, it's been a month since i wrote. i had my sobriety bd: 20 YEARS! didn't go to the international drunks convention in atlanta (HOTlanta, as dan m called it). got beautiful flowers from friends, pearls from james, cards, cakes, sobriety chip. my bd was a big huge happy wow. :)

Photo by Kaykay Jagger: me on really nice Roland, James w/new guitar.

mama recently had a 50 years reunion of her bakersfield college choir, the little choir that toured & sang all over europe, becoming the first americans ever to win wales's prestigious eisteddfod festival. at the college, i got to see their informal "concert" (they'd had just one practice) & with the first notes, dad, me, & the man to my right burst into tears. the sound of all of these reunited septuagenarians was that beautiful, that moving. we were watching something special & unique, all these talented once-20-somethings reconvened as 70-somethings, voices & hearts still so filled w/soul & conviction. choir director joe huzsti, who with his wife melinda have been huge life-long mentors to mama, talked about what this choir always has meant to him, tho he's since traveled the world many times, winning  many awards with other, more prestigious choirs, teaching musicians who've gone on to greatness. "they have a special something," he said (i paraphrase), delivering song so sincerely & w/a commitment that makes young musicians sound comparatively plastic. i thought of james. i thought of me. we're certainly not classically-trained maestros, but we are hard-working, hard-loving, hard-stomping & dedicated musical preservationists. the greatest compliment i ever got, i think, was from david nigel lloyd, who called me a "working-man's musician."
mr huszti was on the nose: no matter the musical genre, a few off notes, some clams, if sung or otherwise performed with unabashed, undiluted heart & soul, beam a life force that leaps from stage into the heart of the audience. such a performance can't help but move, being human, humane, transcending rather than "perfect"!
i'm so grateful i got to be there, as well as to help at the after-party at mom & dad's house! what nice folks! what talent! what testament to the power of music & hard work & love!
james has been having a wonderful time lately at his shows, both w/the newly-invigorated band & with me. he says so, & i can tell it's true. i'm so pleased for him!
we've gone out of town left & right. traveling, gigs, visiting family. friends have visited. we've played many music shows together, good, middling, great, fantastic! gotten magical feedback. i've worked at the library. still like it, still disconcerted to be doing one task at a time. i can get immersed in putting the books in order, tho. arranging all the deweys on all the books' spines is calming yet exciting, lulling, tranquilizing yet invigorating, like counting my footfalls when i run. that's the other thing! i've gotten to do some really cool jog-runs! and lotsa fun yardwork! even got some tomatoes growing, tho some butthead varmint's been eating them. and we've had a great time in the morns watching the birds, squirrels, & chipmunks chirping & hopping & munching & splashing at the birdbath/feeder area we set up under the window amongst some trees. the quail have birthed a new branch of the covey, so there's at least 20 of them running around here now, cooing so cutely, fatly, sweetly.
saw a coyote in the arroyo & for the 1st time since i watched one eat my cat in 2011, i didn't wish i could shoot it with a bb gun. as james has said, he's just trying to make a living. other than a deer, bunnies & hares are the only other animals i think i've seen... oh! and the biggest horny toad ever! i guess all the creatures have come down out of the forest to Civilization in search of water...
that's this wkend's biggest news: a huge storm washed in on tails of gulf hurricane. rain was beating the house like the band & i was sitting w/peeweenie (his name when he's being a turd) when i heard a great rushing swooping roar. i ran to the window & what a sight! storm runoff from higher climes had plummeted down the ever-dry, parched arroyo, creating a shooshing restless riverlet, a swifting running muddy creek! i got on galoshes & ran down there to chronicle the event... it smelled wonderful, like colorado used to (sure it still does, but i don't go there no mo) like wet pines, sage, earth.

Mt Pinos rocks (photo by Harriet H) from hike w/H

here comes the rain again! a cool heavy steady mountain shower! the rumble & flash of thunder & lightning! so invigorating! so scary! so beautiful! so overwhelming!
life! ah, life! we have it! :D

it's a beautiful-evening ramble...

yesterday i learned that dear bobalu, front porch bob of long beach, ca, passed away. it was a really sad day, but touchingly comforting, also, to see all the love pouring out on social media in memory of bobalu. he saved james's life one time, & just for that reason alone, i love the man. but he just was a very likeable guy, & my gut ached all afternoon as i waited for james to wake so i could tell him. it was a somber eve once i did, but for the right reasons: mourning the loss of a good man. today when i got home from work, james told me pink arguello & co, all the musicians, will install a plaque at the new front porch, housed now at long beach's golden sails club on sunday afternoons, in bobalu's honor. he would've appreciated that.
just had a nice jog in the evening hills, slow but very nice, breezy, after warm nap with husband with soft wind blowing in through lazy golden curtains, before which was relaxing delicious late lunch in cool spacious dark mexican restaurant with smiling waitress, before which was work. i like my library job a lot. "it's so civilized," i tell everyone. that is my overriding opinion: no hoop jumping, no cat herding, no lion taming, like when i was a public school teacher. i can enjoy the children who come in, smile with them, joke gently with them, pull out books for them, appreciate them. no blasted stifling standardized lessons, no disciplining, no confrontations, no dog & pony shows. i also can have fun with students kid & adult in my library language mini-classes (volunteer). i love putting things in order, so shelf reading is quite pleasing. i catch errors; i'm a detail person, so it's a skill i can add. i realize my brain still works. so happy for that. sometimes in the past years (since "retiring") i worry i have impending early senility. i realize now it's cause, even w/times of diligent reading & attempts at self-edification, i've not been taxing my coconut enough. work has changed that, fortunately: i have to think, even cogitate. even better than my own edification are the other employees, & especially my boss, all kindly & polite. i like everyone quite a lot. lovely music plays all day long at soothing low volume. the library is clean & quiet. everything is organized. i can add to the order. we have moments to just talk. yes, it truly is incredible to be in the library after a long career in public schools, where every second (except my last three years, when i performed the librarian part of my teacher-librarian position) was push, push, push, the tempo crammed, stressful, anxiety-provoking, tho with moments wonderful in-between, those being exclusively teaching moments & student moments.
the other portion of my "work," music, has been pleasing. most recently, james had another "comeback" show at another venue in long beach. (he's so well-known & admired there, a self-described "minor cult hero," that every single venue where he has a fan base has advertised his first gig there after his near-death scare months back as his "comeback," & scores & scores come out to wish him well, cheer him on, revel in his performance.)
 anthony contreras has taken the guitar playing slot in the blues express; he's played with all kinds of people, chiefly, in my book, candye kane, but i'd never heard him til the other night, & i just loved his clean guitar tone, his lack of "rock" licks, his devotion to tradition, humble demeanor, & youthful energy. "i like the older stuff," he told me, "like the 40s & boogie-woogie." "me, too!!" i said, nearly jumping up & down with enthusiasm. anthony knows the "right" lines & chords for my ear, as does my dear friend manuel (big manny),  as well as how to ratchet the excitement up, like matt samia does, more & more & more til you think the whole place might explode. like matt, anthony, too, has a plethora of inventive melodies; you can tell he's got music & melodic sense coming out his toes. like james, he's a visceral gutsy traditionalist with a  sense of humor permeating his playing. the band bounced & swung all night & my handsome husband, the best band leader living, looked so happy. it was quite a party!
ok, well my muscles are warm & stretched, my mexican-food-filled stomach jostled into better comfort, my head, that cunning idiot, calm. time to shower off the jog-sweat. then i hope we will have a "deadwood" marathon, or i will read magazines.
ah, the breeze... after a life in the summer hell & smog of bakingfield, to live here now & feel the cooling breezes on my skin never fails to move me -- so crisp, so lovely, so inspiring, so aaahhhhh --  my throat catches; i realize my mortality; i am more alive in the moment, caressed by these mountain  breezes.
what a great life. yours, too, i hope.

bliggidybloobedybooooblablablagggghgggghhghgg

 i don't know if my vllaaaaaaahhhhg will upload here (supposed to be above) & i forgot how to compress it, so here is a link to another vid from last month:

thanks for being so nice, all. all yall.
Posted by JamesandJenny Page on Tuesday, June 16, 2015

neither of us are any longer rolling in the bucks, but we're more grateful & fortunate than ever -- at least i am, & he says he is! for instance, yesterday i explored castaic (intending to jog, but it was too friggin hot!) & happened by the roadside (dry as a bone, post-apocalyptic movie road right above the interstate on the old road!) upon an abandoned travel trailer out of mad max as well as some old decking & cement foundation pieces. we'll make something out of it all -- fun to think about! back home, i found on netflix another anthony bourdain travel/food show (james doesn't care for him, but i do, tho he's too cynical to be our friend -- we both love the dorky turtle, andrew zimmern, on bizarre foods, tho; "that's one tough mother**ker!" laughs james). from the thrift shop, i scored a box of pretty tiles, some etched glass fan blades, books for james, & for me a great new read that reminds me of john irving: rambling, funny, shocking, sexy, humane.

"that man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest," wrote thoreau. let's all remember together! kill  the corporate zombie system! death to consumerist suffocation! stay sick, turn blue, to quote the great philosopher lux interior.... bye for now.

squirrel!

1. squirrels & chipmunks recently have been ever-present, scampering fatly, adorably around like cartoon cuties (the little vermin...). obviously down here to find sustenance, they leap straight up to snatch the fat yellow flowers from the elderberry bush, james noted, which they then devour with great fervor.
2. yesterday while clearing brush off the side slope (i.e., raking it madly into the arroyo so it can't catch & ignite our property if there's a forest fire), i was relieved to hear  "our"  quail again,  endearingly rustling & chirping away from the tree behind me. we've been wondering where they went, if hungry predators had gotten them, since all the animals seem to be off their marks, mebbe due to drought conditions. our covey of california quail live. woohoo!
3. a weed i've been pulling up indisciminately, i found out yesterday at the ridge route museum, actually is a medicinal plant called indian tea. cool! it's a nice little museum, another thing that makes me like living here.
4. today all properties must be cleared, & ours, after much back-breaking work, is. :)
5. i realized lately at one of james's gigs one of my delights in life is to stand with back to wall in dark club (preferably with non-alcoholic beverage in hand) watching the action. it's a silky, secrety, fly-on-the-wall, safe & fun, intro-extrovert feeling. i got to make an amend that eve, too, so that was a real bonus.
6.  our duo finally has legs, tho not yet sea legs (more practice), but you can find our page & upcoming gigs at www.facebook.com/whiteboyandjenny ... it's a splendid feeling to work this thing alongside one another... we don't have to teach each other any style elements, like how to "do it right," what to play/not play, what to say/not say, how to sing it, what fits & what doesn't: we have the same musical heroes, references & understandings, plus we are scrappy stompers of song in love who onstage give no quarter! and we want to share the passion & fun with everybody... so catch one of our shows, if you can!
7. what have you discovered, learned or been reading lately? i don't wanna write anymore, so here's a vlaaaaahg.

bloopbloopbloopbloopbloop

still don't feel like writing except to say this life is the best i've ever gotten to have (& no peewees were injured in the making of this video). mo later. be cheery, deary.

no blablablablabla! happy june!!!!!

how are you? i just haven't felt like writing lately... all is swell! :D we are busy with life. here are some pix. this upcoming week we start our duo gigs... i will write more later, mebbe... life is goooood, to quote geoffrey holder (r.i.p.), the un-cola genie of commercials of old (as well as renaissance man & recurring figure in james's dreams!)...

bwahahahahahaha!!! coughsputterchoke rettttccchhhh!!!

bro mike & darling darlene visited from smellay, a warm & nice but too-short visit. little darlene, a pretty, very sharp, eccentric 7 year old who reads aloud much better than many middle-schoolers, snapped this pic of us. the funniest comment, from fb pal james w: "great. now I have captain & tennille songs running thru my head."
ah, hellish wag, ah scurrilous wit! bye for now...

blablablablablablabla

we've been getting a lot done around the mountain house, fixing, rearranging, & building stuff. james says i'm from "the little rascals school" when it comes to assembling things. he, too, enjoys fixing & making things out of what we have sitting around the property. it looks great around here at our "winchester mystery house," better than ever! have had many lovely drives to-from bakoland since we discovered a way that goes thru farmlands & fields instead of along the interstate: country skies, sprawling crops, ranch houses & barns, james loves that stuff, too. :). peewee houdini has been getting out lately, one time out of his new "catio," but he doesn't go far. "didn't you ever get lost when you were a kid?" said james. "you're having fun, yayy! an adventure!, then go, uh oh: where am i??? you get scared!!!"... so i'm working on getting us to atlanta for the 80th international convention of the noble assn of drunks (not its name). i've gotten to go to all the others since sobering up, & dang it, we're going to go to this one!!! problem is, i kinda didn't think about how far away atlanta is. dang! but we're going! an extra lure is the georgia guidestones as well as family in kentucky... it's gonna be swell, even if i have to work for weeks to pull it off!
dad, doug & james all have pulled, injured backs right now, so at least our family main men are able to commiserate, tho they hobble in pain right now... my stupid leg muscle's still pulled, so still can't run. thought it was healed, then pulled it again while clambering up the steep slope out front doing yard work. argh! aging! drat!
well, that's it for now except i must stop procrastinating re preparing for upcoming classes i'm gonna teach... meanwhile, every time i volunteer at the thrift store, 15-20 "new" books jump in the car somehow. megalomania, pyromania, dypsomania: gimme bibliomania instead!!!! (sing doctor demento song.) hoho, heehee!!

so burrr blablabla

i had to stop drinking in 1995, & when i first started going to meetings, all i heard about was "the international" in san diego. every 5 yrs, the worldwide association of 12 stepping drunks has an international convention someplace in north america. i had missed "the international" by just two weeks!! i'd been on some of my last drunks while 100s of thousands of happy sober people were at "the international"!! it drove me nuts & thought i, i'm going to the next one or die trying!! of course, that meant i had to keep the plug in the jug...
back then, several hard-a**es & program doomsayers took one look at my young, selfish, immature newcomer butt & got my number, telling me i'd "never make it."
"oh YEAH???" i sputtered. "i'll show THEM!!" know-it-all jerks!! i would make it!!
then i got cast as glinda the good witch in a 12 step adaptation of the wizard of oz; my main lines were "the promises," which, if you don't know, are that part of "the big book" that tells you all the positive, mature, rewarding things you'll be able to do once you sober up & start to grow up. i'd drive around downtown bakersfield at night practicing my lines, steering & muttering those promises to myself, & realized i WANTED those things in my life!!
all the nice people i met, along w/the promises, the doomsayers, my immediate identification w/the big book, & the lure of upcoming international conventions helped ensure that i stayed off the sauce day by day.
i was in like flynn in bakersfield sober circles for many yrs. i loved helping others, feeling useful & purposeful, like a good person, "part of," yet outside the gossip. i had a strong role model in my 1st husband, a close-mouthed man who, like my dad, just didn't believe in telling tales. i felt good, even great, more uncrazy than ever at many times during those years... we went w/friends to the 2000 international in minneapolis as well as the 2005 in toronto. my dear friend jani & i walked around a colorful international market; we all went to the ginormous mall of the americas; i fell off the rails emotionally & missed seeing ronnie dawson at a local club; we ate thai food & delicious fish; we visited meetings in many languages & walked amongst thousands, thousands of happy sober people. in 2010 i'd just gone through a very sad divorce & went to the convention in san antonio. i saw my ex-husband there as well as throngs of bakersfield friends who'd traveled to the tx gathering in a big cheerful herd. i was in a really bad spot in life emotionally & spiritually then, but the convention was all-wonderful.
the next one's in atlanta. i'll have 20 years. did i mention the conventions always fall on my sober birthday weekend? my selfish part is pleased by this: every 5 yrs, i celebrate my bd not just with the u.s.a., but w/the sober world. i've started really getting excited about this convention, going to atlanta w james, continuing on to kentucky to again visit his loving, wonderful family there, traveling, being sober, having a chance to keep growing, getting healthier, connecting to others, helping & being helped, not just existing but feeling fully awake & alive.
can't wait!!!
to conclude, here's a section from the most important book i've ever read, pp 152-153. when 1st i heard it, at the little church meeting that was my thursday night home for 14 years, my chest swelled & i nearly cried. i grew up loving superheroes. i never wanted to become what i did, a confused, desperate, unhappy, sick in all ways girl-woman who broke her mother's heart, hurt all who loved her, in the vice of a fatal disease. these promises, not the ones i had to learn for the play, are ones that kept me coming back, & still do. there's hope for a new life to anyone who wants it. this isn't the only way, but it's the way that has worked for me.  if you, too, are inspired by what you read below, here's the link:

[Here you will] find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you.

"How is that to come about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?"

You are going to meet these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and poor, these are future fellows of [the program]. Among them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that!

Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions. Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and march on. They will approach still other sick ones and fellowships... may spring up in each city and hamlet, havens for those who must find a way out.

it's alive!!!!

Just cleaned house for folks while James & Peewee sleep. When the surgeon cut James open, he said he exclaimed, "What the hell is THAT?" He called in his associate, then another. I know gruff life-saving Dr Heillbron Sr (nicknamed "Papa" by some at the hospital) is written to have 45 yrs' experience, his associate 42, so w all 3, over a century saving lives combined isn't out of the ballpark. They'd never seen a perforated ulcer of James's variety. He'd have died if it'd been a "normal" bleed out, & would've anyway had he not gotten to St Mary's when he did  (((shudder)))...
Below's a pic of us from last eve as we relaxed on the patio w family in the beautiful eve fragrant w jasmine... James lost 25 lbs over the course of what he calls his "event," all muscle, I think, since he's never had a roll of fat. He's started eating more like Dad, little meals about every hour, & his biceps still pop up like bowling balls, so he'll be back in fighting trim soon enough, I believe...
This a.m. Mama & I put together a "little library" to take out to the Friendship House. This is a VERY worthwhile endeavor, & m&d are doing their pt to make sure the books go where they're needed... read about how to start &/or find a little free library ... my finger is stiffening from phone-typing. We can't wait to be back on the mountain. We

are so happy for the gift of life life life.

goodbye & thanks for all the fish...

- haven't been on a "real" computer since march 5. the fateful day! the terrifying day! the day now cautiously but decisively, neatly tucked away in our pasts, not to be forgotten ever, but now put in its proper compartment, no longer our overwhelming reality!
- it's a different life now for us both & all. miracles have abounded, or fortuity, or positive coincidence; whatever it's been, i'm very very very very very very (zenith) thankful! thankful for the good universe, god, order, chance, change, st mary's medical center, beloved family & dearest friends, the indomitable james page, as well as the (we estimate) 20-or-so-thousand people who prayed for him!
- almost ready to write more on what happened... not now, tho. still makes my heart jump & respiration run raggedy!
- many know my husband almost left this earth on march 5. his band wasn't in a car wreck, he didn't get shot or shanked or any of the other rumors. his insides exploded & he was very, very, very ill, but he is an amazingly strong specimen of humanity in heart & body & so now he heals...
- ahh!! arrhythmia!! anxiety!! no more for now!
- i have missed reading aloud (nearly my favorite thing about having been a teacher) & sometimes james lets me read aloud to him & at the long beach hospital that was our home for over 2 weeks, i started hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy with him, one of his & sister angie's favorite (they & the book being weird, smart, nerdy, & silly), & now i can say with understanding: DON'T PANIC and remember... a towel can be a massively useful thing.
- please read w/amusement these quotes from HGTTG
- smiling kindly, wan, wearing one of dad's heavy robes, tender belly filled w/mama's cooking, james just walked in to say hi.
te deum laudamus........................................... fo sho.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

sitting here at my favorite picture window in the office area of our dining room... it's my favorite window in the world cause it looks out on the arroyo & mountains, always a beautiful view. the snow's been falling off & on for 3 days now, all types of it: big & sloshy; icy pellets; soft & gentle; plump flakes; dancing, steady, cascading, plummeting, frolicking, disappearing into the ground, sugaring the trees & earth, forming icy packs; & more. right now, it's falling like movie snow, blanketing the sky & land with quiet white calm. :) except for blizzards (only been thru one since moving here: yecch!! i had cabin fever after four hours!!!), i love the pretty

i am very, very, very, very, very lucky.

snow, & who wouldn't, if not besieged by it, as is happening in the eastern u.s. these days? snow brings cleansing, comfort, contemplation & beauty.
the wide & parched san joaquin valley's been getting rain as part of this weather pattern, & it needs it badly. so happy my dried-out, too-often dirty home area is being washed & quenched by the rains!
back where i lived from 2012-2014, they had a freak snowfall on the beach this a.m., but upon closer reading, turns out it was hail. i'm just glad i'm here now, that we're here, that life is unfolding as it is!!

the universe has been very good to us.

and how are you? i'm just swell, blabbing on a bit in the warm house looking out on the lovely snow cause i'm a little trapped today. couldn't hike in it today cause it never let up enough, but i did a few other times in the past week, always such an experience for which my heart fills w/gratitude & happiness: steps crunching, muscles warm & straining, lungs & heart pumping, breath pluming, inhaling the fragrance of wet pine & sage, enjoying the cool sting on my face, stooping to hydrate w/handfuls of the clean cold white stuff, just standing there, elevation-dizzy & dazed by the gorgeousness all around. wow! on the penultimate hike of the past week, i found a big chunk of deer skeleton for james, a bone collector, the biggest specimen i've brought home to him yet! the poor creature, no doubt coyote-killed, was reduced to meaty ribcase & spine as well as hip to hoof still encased in delicate, nubby fur: macabre, fascinating. james was delighted!
on another front, the other night we recorded 17 songs in 6 hours w/young producer nick, who got everything down w/adept speed & skill! after i laid down all my vocals, i visited my dear friend donna, just around the corner from nick's little studio, for a bit & we had one of our big, gigantic laughs & ate some delicious food she'd made for her daughter's party (& sent home for us -- yumyum!) & we watched a show about the dead sea scrolls before i returned to pick up dear james & we hit the late-late-night road for home... we goofed here & there on instruments, as would happen when going live at such a pace, but the only thing that needs work is the guitar sound:  james is confident he & nick'll get it beefed up just fine. yes, we went live, instruments 1st, then vocals; nick captured the very best piano sound i've ever gotten in a studio setting, really pumping & mighty & rich, as well as terrific vocals from james, who happens to be one of the greatest vocalists on this planet!!... we can't use all songs for a demo or to sell at shows, but we will have more than plenty once the mixing is done!
that reminds me: james's shows start back up march 14 w/a birthday show at LB's shenanigan's & i need to make a poster; he & i start up weekly in taft at the bank this thursday. music music music: we're jumping back in the mighty stream!

donna & i having one of our big snorting gasping guffaws

ooh, it's falling harder & starting to blanket the hills... what another lovely day, i pronounce unironically. i will put up posters for shows as well as more on our recordings as all shapes together... the snow's really falling now as night approaches, but the quail are bobbing & pecking around on the 2nd driveway so cutely, joined now by two new babies!, none of them deterred at all by the cold... meanwhile, peewee the genius cat jumps adorably, trying to catch snowflakes thru the picture window... wish everyone could see it, or something equally heartwarming.

hahahahahahaha... Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

We recently turned Dad on to Ken Nordine. You must look him up, if you don't know his work. Dad, ever dignified in countenance, is now even more demented, thanks to listening to k.n. :.D
Our trip was just wonderful. Now I type rudimentarily on small device for novelty, prepping to hoof in mountain night to drunk mtg. Am stalling so don't have to finish unpacking from 3 wks of travel, scrub refrigerator of horrors, or create units for upcoming classes. I just feel good. It sure feels good to feel good.
Pic from Honeymoon 2 ... I stopped dying my hair 6 plus months ago... want to see if it will stop at luxurious salt & pepper, like Mama's, or go snowy white, like Dad's. James says he loves my gray hairs. I  love his receded hairline. So it works out getting old together!

happy valentine's day!!!

...to you, yours, ours, & my darling husband. we were reflecting on last yr at this time & feeling pretty warm & fuzzy about our life together. individually, i look back 5 years as well as last yr & feel not just grateful, but amazed by the quality of wholesome love & friendship happening these days. what an unbelievable blessing, truly!! this  is the last day of our u.s. trip (honeymoon 2 starring peewee the wonder cat) & here in this desert hotel w warm sun shining & happy cranky birds singing loudly away outside & james sleeping soundly beside me & cutey hell kitty biting my toes under motel bed blanket, i feel life couldn't be better! to you, the same (cue love boat theme...)

Add caption

vacacione

this is a great time for me, james  & peewee the travel cat. :-) here are a couple foetoes... tonight we look at the map to plot the 2nd half of our happy mighty fun adventure. :-) can't stop w the :-) :-) :-) :-)'s... :-)

el futuro es ahora!!!

waiting for signore page to awaken so we can embark upon Big Day numero uno... excited & sleepy! we've been nerding out lately watching a lot of smithsonian, pbs, & TEDtalks... the last in particular is so inspiring!! was glad to hear the more-cynical-than-i-am james say yes, he thinks TEDtalks is impacting culture positively, that it isn't just nerds who are being affected, but the greater population. i know francene my friend said this is the "age of the nerd king," so maybe considerations of more than money & materialism ARE becoming more the american zeitgeist (wait -- a zeitgeist can't "become"... i'm still kind of asleep). anyways, the best overall shows we've watched, in my opinion, are PBS's futurestates. here's a link so you can WATCH ALL OF THEM RIGHT NOW!!
these are some of the best short films i've seen in a long while. as a collection, they are overall THE best! my favorites, tho some are quite dystopian, are these: "a robot walks into a bar," "tent city," "worker drone," & the greatest one of all, "PLASTIC BAG"!!! i laughed & chuckled & felt all warm & fuzzy inside thru the whole film; if you're like me, an enormous fan of the great, over-analytical, eccentric, brave, crazy, ponderous, wonderful director herzog, you will love love love "plastic bag."
hope you enjoy the films. times to go awaken the great one now (& i don't mean gleason!!)

very excited very excited very excited very excited!!!

so much fun coming up... have to take a break from computer bc am getting too manic thinking about it all.

"whiteboy" james page photographed by jenny page (shpoush)

this week: a consolidating, positive change that also will save us moolah. after that, freedom! freedom! freedom & music! (and peewee...) don't mean to be coy or covert here, but shouldn't write about specifics til they're over &/or on so i don't jinx anything... but am so thrilled, must mention a bit that good things are afoot! yes, invigorating, pleasing, adventurous things are afoot for james & me, & we'll share that spirit w/others, to be sho!!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

if you have an android phone, add this free app!
altitude for android (free)

panoramic view from hills NE of bakersfield on a lovely jog

it makes hiking/jogging/running even so, so much more fun, giving many exciting measurements in real time. only problem is, my speed has gone way down as i stop 984 times on each run to check my stats.  uphills are much less difficult when you can see your altitude inching upward w/each muscly heart-pounding foot strike. this is a cannonball glute-inducing method! it's lovely to feel strong, as james would attest; "we're not doing bad at all for our age!" he said.
tomorrow peewee kitty will be snipped & then maybe will garner some tiny semblance of feline sanity, if such a thing's possible. with reduced testosterone levels, he may gentle down enough that we can start him on leash training. my former bandleader & nowaday friend karling used to go everyplace with her black cat baby on leash & i thought it was just another marker of her eccentric ways... now, tho, i know when you're traveling all the time, it's just practical to make sure gato is as domesticated as is possible to domesticate a tiny tiger!!
about time to go finish the final episodes of united states of tara on netflix. toni collette in the title role is a gangly, glamorous/grotesque, labile kind of actress, & the other actors, too, are really swell, really making the show. tho the dialogue's gotten increasingly arch & artificial as the series has progressed, & i don't like collette's interpretation of a most recent "alter" (too broad, in my opinion, to be frightening), i've enjoyed gluttoning out on the show, stuffing myself into a stupor on the entire three seasons in a week. w/its unlimited access to streaming tv series, one to umpteen seasons, netflix has created a new form of binging -- just what we americans need. i guess for me better netflix than any number of other addictions far more nefarious... :)
ps - the best movies i've watched recently on netflix have been these: tomboy (2011, france); we are the best! (2013, sweden); & GLOW (2012, USA) as well as monster (2003) on youtube w/an unforgettable oscar run by charlize theron, the film goddess from south africa. i didn't watch the last one for the longest time cause i thought i'd freak out & that christina ricci would be irritating... but it's a must-watch, most definitely...

happy birthday, elvis!!

am a bit too bored to configure an interesting title for this post... been creating activities all day so i don't have to do responsible things. por ejemplo: angie & doug got us these universal figurines for christmas, so i posed them & made a picture. always tough to draw w/mouse since i'm a lefty & the default set-up of most everything on earth is righty, but the pic conveys the message. used to be i'd toil for hours & hours to get a graphic image just right, but am too lazy to do that now... i've always figured, probably have written here, the bride had just come to life -- she didn't know what the heck was going on -- of course, she freaked out. if she'd had a little time to wake up, think about it, looked at the big cadaverous hunk w/violent tendencies, yes, but an innocent heart, she would've gone for him. years ago i wrote a song about the bride's side of things & that's how i met james: he heard it online, liked it, got hold of me. blablabla; i've written all this here.
our kitty likes peas. and sugary things. if we gave him booze, he'd become an alky cat. it's weird & wonderful how the mouse-faced, damp, palm-sized mat of fur james brought home now is this insane, beautiful, long-limbed, fat-bellied creature, very healthy. years ago, i had a dog i loved so very, very, very much, an adorable, sweet-tempered black & tan butterball with warm brown eyes, soft, floppy ears,  & cute, loyal, comforting personality that would melt any sentient heart. my cousin shipped him from texas & when we picked him up at LAX, he was just a little boy, growing over the years into a precious moose i called "my buffalo." god, i loved that dog & still do, my gusgus -- i keep him & his dog bro roscoe in a drawer in my mind's back 40 so i don't blubber over them -- but his development & growth to me at that time didn't seem miraculous, & this feline's does. every day, the kitty grows noticeably; we are succeeding in raising something! i believe in the next few years we'll nurse other creatures to grow happily & healthily, ones that actually will grow smarter. this cat's never going to go to college. meanwhile we have time to save for a being that will.
well, as soon as james got all the gigantic logs split & chopped, the weather warmed. i don't know if we'll have more snow, but here's hoping. meanwhile, it's nice outside to go for a mountain run if i can get myself to GO. those doldrums kill winds, causing sailing vessels to lose speed, & i'm not much different! least to make headway i don't have to throw peewee the cat overboard, as sailors had to toss to their drowning deaths their animal cargo in those horse latitudes. exercising's just a matter of DOING IT, & i always always love it once i start... once i run out of things to blab on about...
today is elvis's birthday; he would've been 80. my only connection to the king's through marriage: james's uncle gave elvis his first job, when the beautiful boy was 15, at a movie theatre in memphis i should know the name of, & his page family knew the young lad from then on. tonight, brother-in-law doug's movie will premiere at the maya theatre in bakersfield. it's a documentary about human trafficking, & i hope it goes super-well for brother; i'm proud of him, doing such good works. they're gonna even submit the film to sundance! brother thinks big, as well he should, since he is helping to save the world & its innocents...
well, heck, i've read as much as i can read, napped as much as i can nap, wrote as much as i can write, & the bills still need paying & the dishes still need washing... rats!
nothing more's coming from this coconut, so this is signing off from the lovely mountain... time to get busy. :D

feliz ano nuevo!

Belated wishes for a blessed new year from stanley the gingerbread alligator... we had a ball constructing him from gingerbread house kit the gias had brought back from schaat's bakery near lone pine. Stanley was to have been a house, o c, but james had eaten a part before construction began... well, our auld lang syne was happy, & was yours, too? We were loading out of his NYE gig down south when mighty gunfire erupted at 12 midnight. He informed me ppl in LA shoot off lots of guns in celebration & had me stand under the bldg's awning for protection. Home on the mtn, all was clean & below freezing, 14.5 at its chillingest before sunrise; we brought in 2015 w glowing fireplace, crazy cat running wild (he will be eunuchized [sic  quite soon & I expect his hormone-crazed rampages will gentle down), leftover yuletide treats, electric blanket, & roku reruns... did you make a realistic resolution? Mine is to breathe easier in 15, w many I hope reminders & methods to achieve it... it is a beautiful mtn morning here, so am off for a run to town. Happy new year!!

blablablablablablabla

blablablablablablabla.
blablablablablablabla, blablablablablablabla, blablablablablablabla! blablablablablablabla: blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla? blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla; blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla...
blablablablablablabla!!!
that is all. :)

Santa Claus - an odd & innocent film

this low-budget mexican-made flick was parodied on MST3K: i recently watched & enjoyed it minus smarmy hilarious asides via one of our roku channels ... it gives santa's setting & the whole christmas story a real twist: at his outer space hideout, st nick is aided by tykes of different nations who monitor earth's kiddies using devices apparently from pee wee's playhouse. they focus mainly is on little lupita as she struggles against mean old scratch because "i don't want to be evil;" the tiny child is sincerely adorable, her story moving. this cult movie is to me a pleasing combination of weird, sweet, boring, & touching. maybe you'll get a kick out of it, too. (for some reason, i was trying originally to post a link to in the electric mist, tho it's not a holiday movie: look for & watch it, if you can!)
merry christmas to all... we ran out of the photo christmas card you see here, so i will post one here for anyone who wants to see one but didn't get one from us in the mail as well as a picture sister angie sent me. my heart soars that, tho she has become so firmly religious, angie retains her demented humor. she is a true gia... to paraphrase elvis, let's make "everyday be like christmas..."

A Christmas Carol (1984 Full Film)

you gotta watch this, if you haven't... he makes the best scrooge ever, i think. also, please read the novella, if you've not. what a beautiful piece of literature! here it is!

you better watch out, you better not cry...

i volunteer at the local thrift store, "name your price," the brainchild of dave, r.i.p., a hardworking man resembling a jolly old elf who hinted he had been a bad man in another life & was doing his scavenging/junking/thrifting as life amends (the store benefits the kern county boys & girls club). a drawing of dave beams from the store's sign & the 1st time i saw it, i kinda choked up: i didn't know dave well, but enough to know he'd helped lots & lots of ppl on & off the mtn here when he could've just decided to stay bad. i get to organize the books there, which i just love, & jaw w/friends who amble in to shop, & find great bargains, too... anyways, just cooling my heels here waiting to make the next move. last weekend was fun, 1st heading out to my own gig (IT HAS BEEN FAR TOO LONG!!) w/the big manny band at a big party in east LA. i haven't seen so many beer can empties in a long while! - also, so many friendly faces i hadn't seen in decades, since the old days of the blazers & shows at the palomino in north hollywood. my former dance partner, rudy, was jovial & burly as ever, & tho in those days i carried on like a drunken underclothed mark-waiting-to-get-hit, the males who remembered me from that time were gentlemanly to the one. "manuel attracts a nice crowd," james commented, "so that makes sense." manuel beamed ear to ear a lot that night, & i was so happy & warmed by the kindness & enthusiasm we band members seem to have for one another, hoping to get more gigs together in 2015... we'll see!
that night james played gallaghers in LBC, arriving back to the mtn late that night, then next we traipsed to bakoland for a show in oildale. james played the pants off the place, & his rhythm section pretty much killed it for most of the night! john clifton of fresno's mofo party band showed up to visit his friend james & sat in on several numbers; he brought james a special coin, then i traded necklaces w/steve james's wife, who goes by "roadie" &'s been ill for many yrs. i don't know her well, but enough to know she's a real survivor; the trade & gifts touched us... we got to mom & dad's & dad greeted james at the gate like EYEgore; we sat, them in their robes, eating a late night snack & chatting a bit before they tucked into bed & i realized i'd never come home from a gig to the folks like that, waiting up, cheerful & sleepy & happy to see us & us to see them. quite special. :)
almost done w/holiday shopping. it's the wrapping task that brings me dread. gift mountain just sits there day after day, but i know i'll get it all done. both niece maddy & son-in-law james jr are home from college, we've been watching christmas movies & singing holiday songs, today we mailed off over 60 christmas cards (better late than never!), & i expect this will be as nice a christmas as ever... may your days be merry & bright...

yaaaaaaaaawn

just watched a very cute & of course naughty video of james & band today playing at the vietnam vets & legacy vets mc toy run... our friend alice was up there dancing & the video brought me a big grin bc her husband turtle filmed it, so most of the video focused proudly on cheerful alice & her shapely derriere :D ... hope james has been having a great weekend gigging up a storm while i have chosen to stay back w/hell kitty & our beautiful mountain & home. :)
big day tomorrow. checking here so i actually go to bed & get some zz's before hitting the road in the a.m. changed the sheets for james's return; put on the flannels cause tho there's been yet no snow, it's been brrrrrr cold! at tonight's mtg, ppls' shares reminded me how lucky we all is, now clean/sober, to no longer have that terrible heart-breaking loneliness & awful yucky crappy feeling one has when living in lies... my friends have two little cherubs & during the mtg one slept in the corner pink-cheeked & angelic while the other, cute as shirley temple, curls & all, in her little fringy suede boots, pushed a toy cart around, offering us coffee (the kid, only 3 1/2 yrs old, already knows her 12 step meeting decorum!), then hot chocolate, then "chicken with butter," then "snow flake cookies & santa cookies." yes, so cute, we all were grinning our faces off. how nice to have ditched cynicism. how nice to be sober & able to do dumb fun irritating boring sweet things like play w/hell kitty, not wash dish mountain, clean the house, then surf the internet like a braindead dumbhead, living the life i've always wanted, a whole & wholesome one that feels increasingly peaceful. so nice to peek back & see "high maintenance" receding -- dear donna, always one to pull covers mercilessly but necessarily, reminded me how it used to be for me & rather than get my little feelings hurt, i thought, yeah, she's right! but i'm not that way anymore... yay!!
so nice to start to find & feel equanimity. :) me & sweet marjorie talked about that the other night at another mtg. marjorie is a bright, bright spirit &, the more i know her, the more i'm happy to know her. what a fun friend! in fact, the more ppl i meet on the mountain, the more i appreciate living here...
today i found out our friend a.m. passed away after months of terrible sickness. rest in peace, kind lady, in her last moments protected by the lovingest person i know, my dear friend  j.c., as well as by a's son. a.m. was immersed in recovery & was never alone in her 7 months of illness; friends in the program took shifts along w/family to do all they could to comfort her... i contrast this w/all the ppl i've heard of who've died alone, lonely, bitter, regretful, or in other negative conditions; we who choose to live in the light don't ever have to be alone, & there's no one path to the light except to point one's face toward it, be it via church, recovery, spirituality, mysticism, exercise, psychology, education, meditation, service, renunciation, juggling, kindly guffaws, or whatever means of positive inspiration twists your twinkie, as cousin tushi would say...
happy sober bd, cheerful, garrulous brahma, surrounded tonight by 25 loving friends... both a.m. & brahma were & continue to be (respectively) such shining examples of carrying the message & service to others.
so thankful to be clean & sober, as surrounded by love as i choose to be, long as i stay "in the middle of the herd" & give back the love & support so freely given... bhavatu sabba mangalam... :)

buuurrrrrrrrp :-D

...not very genteel, but that's my response after thanksgiving. we had plenty of tasty food stuffs, tho it all wreaked havoc on my vipassana'ed stomach, accustomed from that experience [see below] to macrobiotic, water-rich foods! "maybe you need to stop eating meat," little mary france cousin sweetly said. she might be right, tho i will continue to eat what is fixed for me -- that is the only polite way, i think, even before having seen anthony bourdain's tv show in which he argues, rightly, i think, that (if not due to illness) it's rude & spoiled to refuse food one is offered, no matter how "gross" or "inappropriate" or ((shudder)) "low class" it might seem!... i came upon a bottle of tums while rummaging in the family medicine cabinet & mused how much it'd sell if instead named "bellys" or "guts" or something less coy & diminutive... james returned peewee man to the mountain home in the green hornet & then was off to so-cal to hook up w/his son, back from the centennial state on school break; i stayed back here w/the family & soon'll take rural transit home. am overhearing the fellow installing mom & dad's new dishwasher & thinking how each time i've had a repair or installation person around, he/she cautions how the last person did it wrong or a shoddy job & "good thing i caught this [problem]" & the fellow here is doing just that... here's a pic of james & i from yesterday; it was a very happy time, as you can see; our seattle-area family, bright, funny, humble, socially dedicated, & successful, were here, so that was an extra-nice bonus... unassuming uncle ralphy, who talks to congress about "the indians," was my partner for bocce against dad & doug & w/his first dead-accurate toss, james yelled out, "ringer! we gotta ringer!" he kept throwing bulls-eyes, all right!... aunt pam told me they'd gone to spain recently to see gaudi architecture & showed me a pic of a spanish castle, commenting, "it looks like bavaria, don't you think?" just now, cleaning out mama's computer, i found this pic from last year's trip to europe w/james & his sidemen, from the bavarian burg of aldorf, DE. after his show that night at jimmy's cafe, we stayed in a gingerbread-castle style hotel; james & i had our own giant suite w/giant bed & bathroom, & next morn breakfasted on the most delicious jams, butter, breads, yogurts, muesli, & coffee in a beautiful, airy dining area w/windows looking out on dark lovely forest. later (earlier? can't remember) that morn, james & i walked around the village & bought face creams (me) & christmas ornaments & thick socks & scarves & then before we pulled out of town, the band stopped at a pastry window & i grabbed this pic, which i love since it shows james's handsome, heroic profile & scott abeyta's distinctly beak-like one as well as a sampling of scrumptious breads & sweets the place sold... ok, that's enough for now.

happy thanksgiving tomorrow!

s.n. goenka, 1924-2013: who human could not love this face??

like you, maybe, i've long not believed the traditional thanksgiving lore, but still, this year i choose to celebrate it as a time for family & love & gratitude (& great food!!), not as the beginning of a genocide... there is so, so, so much for which to be thankful, both good, bad, & medium or mediocre! here is to "anicca, anicca, anicca," to equanimity & awareness.
a wise & wonderful human, r.i.p.
a beautiful & grueling experience that can change you for the better, if you take it seriously
i got to make a new friend in my roommate joyce; hike a 1/4 mile uphill repeatedly each day; experience searing, excruciatingly knife-like pain that gradually abated while sitting "with firm determination" for one hour over & over & over; turn over life stones & have ah-ha's while in deep meditation after listening to audios of wonderful goenkaji, who at times sounded to me like a grandfatherly bela lugosi; enjoy nightly "dhamma talks" delivered by wise goenka; eat delicious nutrient-packed food; see a glimmer of enlightenment... & write 10 songs clandestinely, on rolls of paper towels! what joy i experienced, to realize i could both bust out new tunes & then re-submerge into the deep stream of vipassana... thank you, good universe!!

blablablabbidyblabbidyblablab

this halloween, sitting around so cozily w/family, giving out gift BAGS (for mrs gia can't give children merely ONE treat, or even a small handful: each must receive an entire bag!) to adorable & funny trick-or-treaters, i reflected on last halloween. we were in switzerland, & james played a strange gig at a place in zurich, strange bc in switzerland, bands must stay below 97 decibels... and anyone who's heard james & the blues express knows they are not a low-volume band! the venue was a very nice combination stage/restaurant, a dinner theatre, i guess, w/audience so politely staid, it seemed stoic... at james's more heavily-attended american shows, fans tend to lose composure so much, you could worry a riot might break out, or at the least, that you're gonna go blind watching the excessively licentious female fans do their thang -- james is "a bacchanalian," as my friend gita aptly said, a sorcerer of sorts: he can whip a crowd into a real froth! so the polite clapping between songs was, well, kinda unnerving, even frightening. there was not one adoring scream, raunchy, boozy swear, belching insult, cackling laugh, leering dancer, bottle breaking: nothin!... 
 but then on breaks, fans approached james in awe, widening their own eyes, pointing to theirs then his, astounding, "die AUGEN!!" once again, james had wowwed the people, low decibels, cultural & language differences be darned. shoulda known they'd loved him the whole time. anyone with a pulse MUST, unless overwhelmed by jealousy or appalling lack of ability to appreciate god-given talent.
afterward, we walked back in the brisk night to the hotel (what a room! so very sophisticatedly european, posh yet utilitarian!), stopping at a gleaming hotel snack shop to spend our few swiss francs on candy & munchies, milling amongst throngs of young revelers, all dressed in traditional garb (to me resembling robin hood). yes, it had been an evening exotic, cool, quiet, rewarding while this year's was warm, relaxing, mischievous, & loving... after 56 trick-or-treaters arrived in 45 minutes, we closed up shop & drove down the street to deliver goodies to angie & doug's house. mama walked up the front walkway as  james & i rolled out of the car wearing monster masks, slithering across the dark lawn like ninjas, snaking around the fence to the backyard (we planned to scare the sh*t out of niece madeline & her troop of friends), then waiting in the shadows, our creepy visages somber & spooky... unfortunately, the first youth out the door was charley, the most unstartlable [sic] of the whole pack. "hi!" she smiled, waving at us calmly. crap! our dastardly plan had been foiled by the most unflappable of madeline's friends!
this past weekend we traveled south for hubby's shows & friday night i had a fun nighttime stroll to gallagher's where got to witness james again at his maximum powers, the most amazing frontman there is, running a tight ship that night, kicking butt w/such fun & high-octane ferocity, his own band even was rode hard & hung up wet by the end. i was so proud of him, & he of himself! saturday i stayed back on kitty duty while james attended his 2nd show & i got to have the nicest stroll around long beach that day, finding a few street treasures as well as some bargain holiday gifts. i love the neighborhoods & architecture of the homes in long beach as well as the variety of people & experiences in that city...  i'm prepping now to attend a 10-day silent meditation seminar (NOT retreat!) i've been trying to get in to for over 8 years. people i know who put their everything into it while in attendance have come back new & renewed as well as wiser & stronger... i'm resolved to put my everything into learning all i can. we know thusly this will be life-changing not just for me, but for us, the pages, as well as for him, holding down the fort, working on endless projects as well as The Next Big Step, then reuniting, the both of us bettered by our separate positive growing experiences... i already miss him, & kitty, & our family, & our friends; i am trepidatious but also happy, nervous, excited & ready to be stripped down & rebuilt.
that's all i can muster for now; we have been passing infection back & forth in this late-autumn time of year, so it's time to go rest some more with senyor peewee, adorable little trilogy-of-terror hellspawn kitten.
we agree 2015, fast approaching, is going to be amazing for us, & maybe it'll be so for you, as well.

watching pbs show about the amishes, sick under blanketses, storming outside, typing on phone w 1 finger, more later, just pix for now