really cool people

two sides of my place dump onto national forest land, & w/all these storms & also ppl who hike thru, the trash builds up. haven't seen any NFS staff w/trash cans any time lately, so i slid down & cleaned out the arroyo as well as a large area behind my house that goes up into the mountains... good, exhausting work! found some cool stuff, bricks & metal bars & even an old tin can & pair of bifocals! - also, of course, lots of junk, like a disintegrated tent & pieces of a rusted bed, like maybe someone wasn't just camping out there, but maybe had set up home. makes me wonder where this person or these people went...
how are you? me, too much energy. discombobulated! lots of cleaning & exercise & pumping piano is the remedy. plus daily duty to the universe inside, from whence all comes... such practice helps keep that little demon down, the one that tells me go, go, go. that little trickster's fine @ times, like for creative spark & nerve, but @ others, she must be banished to her room!!!!
ok, it's about pasta time, then back to the boogie-woogie marathon... to have 10 moving fingers; to have a somewhat working mind; to have breath & a modicum of sanity: tho perhaps it take different shapes, we've all lots to celebrate while on this short trip of life, doncha think? :)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh...

food in belly, (some) dough (still) in wallet (spent most of it already), big & small fun had by all, big & small. dusk devils rocked!! poker-faced scott, manic rick, & a soulful phil stormed & pounded the house. rick played max bangwell's slingerland set & on the encore, we sounded like the cramps!! i almost went out of my skin, hearing that coming from us!! as sure as i'll always get lost trying to get home from taft @ nite, its audiences will always be tops: people howled & danced in seats & whooped & clapped & screamed & smiled all night long. as appreciative males got drunker & drunker & dancers lost their equilibrium, my corseted undergarments fortuitously came in handy as effective body armor. fearless, fierce, x-rated gentleman james & i talked about 5 royales, musician dumbasses, how much we love being in the car, lucid dreams. wide-smiling scott abeyta pitched us a record dealy & max bangwell described his cool living set-up & working w/weird al for 6 yrs. blues express is super, super tight! oh, to be that tight: what would it be like?? as i said, tho, i was so happy w/dusk devils that nite. wow!
james mugged & joked, wily, wild, weird & sexual ("i thought i was just being weird," he sez) & w/the most keeningly powerful voice i know. i got a dedication again, as well as lots of "looks"!!!! i know, tho, that @ every show, some gal's got to be the focus; it's pt of the shtick, & i was flattered to get my turn.
near show's end, the stage a graveyard of beer bottles, jp did a trick emulating end of nekromantik (minus auto-erotic stabbing) w/strategically-placed exploding beer bottle that was so embarrassing & thrilling, it was just that much more plain-wrong yet perfect. i've been called a "fearless performer," but i am a little chicken compared to james, who'll do anything onstage to get folks to laugh & gape & adore. once it all was over, they locked the doors & i made extra cash playing the bar piano as indefatigable james sang (to me directly, @ times!). we even sang together on some ray price, tho by then i was running out of gas seriously-bad & starting to slip in my playing & also worrying about getting home to the yd sale i was suppoed to help w/that next day... but i'll always remember -- & this might sound like bragging, but it's what HAPPENED -- jp leaning over & leaning in & watching me like i was something special, watching me play & grinning, then cooing, "you're so talented," & then to the room, "isn't she talented? isn't she the greatest?" then telling me to play something "kinda pete johnson" & blasting out the strongest-piped version of "roll 'em pete" i've ever been in such proximity to, w/all the correct lyrics. whatta thrill! whatta kick! me & whiteboy james playing music like that! he said we should do a duo, play gigs in LA, we'd make all kind of money. true, he was pretty dang lit by then, but still, i was very flattered. life just sang @ that moment, & later, when i took ar un, the gorgeous, cool-breezed, wonderful wkend climate seeming to match this exhilaration. life does sing @ times, doesn't it? happy, happy to all, friends. happy happy!

this friday! woohoo!

we will be redeemed!

"friend...gooood..."

wie geht's, meine freunde?(warning -- alliteration ahead:) a couple of my most musical monster mates just had birthday blowout bashes. here are some graphics for them, & you, too, if you like... a few wks back, too, was bd of my future ex-husband, the creative big bro of all us in this particular little musical pond... looking fwd to aping big bro's 1st record w/our next (bsp, who's got broader musical interest than do i, said the clash did this w/elvis); auditioning for act whom i'm told will Travel w/a cap "t" (oh crap -- where's my passport?!?); working again w/al hendrix, the lost rocker; dusk devils groovings w/art fein, who says he'll make us "sound right" & "what've you [i] been waiting for?" & we'll feature this time all-original tunes -- 15 of them!
post-snowpocalypse, the "mad-wind's night work, the frolic architecture of snow" has calmed & this place, good gravy, is gloriously gorgeous!! no alpine resort could beat this mtn's beauty @ this moment. :) i hear bksfld's pretty lovely right now, too. time to pack a bag & get this bag down the hill.
today, let us all "be... the rainbow in the storms of life."
another great one: "i am not afraid of storms, for i am learning to sail my ship." (louisa may alcott)

cabin fever brings lack of fortitude, longing for smoggy bakersfield. snowpocalypse is here!

now i know why melville used white as a metaphor for evil. snow snow snow, everyplace is snow... there's no color! just blank blank blank, wind, fury, flurries that at 1st (10 hrs ago) looked to dance, now just menace, unnerve, bore, blah! friends've said today, "how beautiful it must be!" i grew up in the san joaquin valley. now, no one wants the valley's putrid cow air or particulate smog-death, but we natives're designed for hot! color! the springtime-beautiful, flat, green & golden valley! not this!!!
the power has been out most of the day & night. trees sway, weave, then crack, limbs snapping off under the wt of snow. the neighbor's took out my cable line as i sat staring out the window, stupid w/boredom, but it missed my truck! & also, i have no cable! so far, so good, really! but i wouldn't be surprised if i lose my phone or power lines before this storm's over. & if the power lasts? that'll be amazing! i'm not holding my breath!
i got the report from bksfld tv. 30 cars are stuck down in the middle of this town! this town is the hardest-hit of all storm areas! my neighbor says he's been here 8 yrs & this is the worst storm yet! all i know is, i am anxious & bored. i tell myself, no one's ever died of boredom. be thankful! it IS beautiful. but falling trees, no power, i shudder w/dread!... now, as dusk nears, the juice snaps back on for now. thank you, edison!
i look out & see a gigantic vehicle stuck right below my driveway. right there out the window! i don't want to look. it's embarrassing to all, to see such a sturdy-seeming beast spinning its silver wheels impotently in the sludge, like a harpooned leviathan, a noble creature wounded (even tho it's just a stupid car, in reality)...
this doesn't qualify as a blizzard - for that, i read, winds have to be 35 mph... but this is some white-out! i'm a suburban dweeb, a little wimp who'd never last in the wild. i want out! yes, i have a roof & food & gas for my heaters... but i want bakersfield!!
aaaaahhh!!! it's snowing & blowing even harder now!! it's the end of days, it's crazy-making, it's snowpocalypse! fields said it best, so here.

jenny and the phantoms perform real coolo songs

the chickens down the road are screaming!!! maybe they're pushing out some gigantor eggs... last night @ the mtg, my friend karen & i agreed we want chickens like our friend joy has. hers are pretty & funny & make multi-colored eggs. wow: imagine that!! :) ok, here's some new songs w/lyrics, very crude recordings (por supuesto). also put them on esnips, but since don't have quicktime on this particular laptop, can't embed that here (hence the video, which was sort of fun & irritating to make). (actually, i guess my "video" is really just a slide show, as my niece would pt out, were she here!) here's link to esnips audio of songs, tho there you can't be privy to the brilliant lyrics.
(please laugh.) new songs on esnips

music ate my brain

- at 11 pm tonight, i got the bright idea to record & upload to this site 6 of the 15 or so songs i've written in the past month. a music pal had encouraged me to not worry about quality (always a huge concern of mine)(ha!)(not!), said i can pull the songs when i get better versions. (hah! like i'll do that!)(oh well.) so here it is past 2:30 am... we'll see if i can get the songs posted... anyways, thanks, meine freunde. hope you likee.
- we were watching looney tunes down at candye k's pad in oceanside last wk, me munching taco take-out & candye & laura practicing for their session that next day. laura played the line from "scratch my back" as candye relaxed in her chair w/her apple on her lap & sang w/the guitar a strong, sexy, bluesy take on "sweet nothings," giving some mondo cojones to a fun tune that yet used to embarrass me to sing due to its wimpiness. candye's version will not wimp one bit! what a genius way to give albondigas to a cool but sissy tune: add some slim harpo & let candye sing it! then they went into one candye'd written but they'd never hashed out, "haunted house." candye belted away, laura played. writing it the night before - so beat! so punk rock! (i'm being admiring, not ironic.) (am clarifying that bc no context in text has caused catastrophes in this casa of late.) anyways, they finished, then just like that, PLAYBACK! i jumped off the divan & sputtered, "you're listening to it already? just like that?" they looked at me patiently, dumb peasant that i am. apple has a built-in audio studio program!!! sh*tfire! if i had an apple, i would've been in bed hrs ago!
-arrghh!! &#*$&!)#*%!! audacity is causing problems! i cannot try to upload the songs again (this would be the 3rd pass) or i shall die. yes, there are far more destructive & pathetic reasons to be up all night long on the computer than obsession w/music & writing, but posting these songs'll just have to wait til manana. like sands thru the hour glass, these are the days of our lives...

farewell to meat, hello, my friends, blablabla

just learned that "carnivale" (carne + vale) means "farewell to meat." how timely & comforting, the uncanniness of the etymology & a-ha moment: of course! 40 days of change & increased vigilance w/regards to food, people, & ideas is a wise place to go for sacrifice & continuing discipline. carnivale!
am not ready to go get ashes today, tho... maybe next yr. carnivale, tho, is not just imperative right now, i'm thinking, but a doable task!
it'd've been better, maybe, if i'd spent last night in revelry instead of repentance, but such is life right now & @ least w/each new sunrise & breath, there's chance for renewal. to stop & stand in mistakes, like a pile of stool, would be the only real mistake. (sing along: "go forward... move ahead... try to detect it... it's not too late... to whip it... whip it good!")
san diego county is paradise, the beaches peaceful & less crowded than LA's; friends run deep for me there, ppl whom i admire & aspire to be more like.
the dear mcgraws are the hosts w/the mosts, friendly, fun-loving, generous, tough, & kind. we attended little italy's carnevale & watched brocaded, stilted street performers w/elaborate masks lumber around while mediterraneanesque musicians sang & played & children hopped & twirled & danced & merrymakers gathered at pizza joints & cafes. not just people, but pets, too, walked around dressed like montresor & fortunato or extras in the merchant of venice, & the romantic melodies of each song we heard lingered. bill & i could've driven freddie a little nuts w/our constant happy singing, whistling, & humming except that F&B're too big-hearted to drive nuts; they just love all as-is, always, tho, as i mentioned, pull covers as called for!
got to go to many mtgs. got to hang w/candye & laura in oceanside, watch foghorn leghorn, spend time @ the beach there in meditation & stroll, have a tasty repast @ pannikan coffee & tea near the ocean. got to get a pep-talk from candye, who is generous & caring & strong that way &, as busy as she is, always makes time to bolster others. it occurred to me one night that in january while i was trying to come back to life cooling my heels in new mexico, candye was onstage performing her heart out, telling her own life story onstage! talk about contrast... candye says it's not yet out on DVD, but here's a link to her play, which laura said sold out more & more each night of its run... you know it must be a heck of an inspiring story -- must be quite a well-done production, too, to have generated that kind of buzz! the toughest girl alive

memphis mike, carnivale, friends, life goes on

memphis mike told me today a couple he knows call this "their song." weird & cool bc mike wrote it for me when i was going thru the latest deep depression. it DOES have a really pretty slide guitar, tho, a murky romance, despite its melancholic sound. maybe the female of his friends is also named jenny. hmmm.
- you never know what people will find romantic. for instance, one of the most romantic songs i know is doug kershaw/fats domino's version of "don't mess with my toot-toot." :)
- yesterday was a glorious drive in the south valley w/snow-capped mountains, barren hilltop vineyards stately as calvary, golden light & flutters of birds, signs for sorghum & pine nuts, homely & humble crumbles of former roadside stops, the wide wide flat flat green green valley that is home down in my bones, its mere sight on clear days bringing such deep rest & comfort! today i went rock-hunting & have worked on another circuit of my labyrinth. but it's become another dark time here on the mtn, tho outside is brilliant & beautiful. the law of attraction seems to be in action, but i know, know, know that also can mean great good w/the next persistent breath. the trick & task is to continue no matter what.
- *inhale* *exhale*
- tomorrow i hope to powwow w/manuel re important bidness before joining up w/my dear, dear friends F&B. was gonna see candye, too, but i think that busy gal double-booked: she's playing in vegas! i'd rather be there when she is there, tho her place is so nice, balmy, peaceful... penultimately, looks to be a fantastic mardi gras party in downtown san diego this wkend: little italy carnevale. (last section deleted by me.)

john doe, david nigel lloyd

- someone asked about john doe of x. what i know: he lived in frazier park. he moved to bakersfield. i lived in bakersfield. i moved to frazier park. john bazz quipped we "switched places." i suspect john doe lived in much larger digs than do i, tho i love my house to pieces & the only other one i want here, up on the wet (south) side of this little valley w/a perfect apple tree in the yd & view of this mountain, has been sold & is owned by someone who hasn't even fixed the place up one bit. that little house deserves some love!!
- i hear JD left bakersfield. if so, can't say i blame him. roots musicians are sometimes drawn from around the world to bksfld, romancing it, believing it still to have its scrappy down-home honky-tonking musical nightlife. shortly reality hits, that there's small support for musicians in general, never mind the ones that cleave to the area's rebelliously twangy tradition. bakersfield's like a bad relationship: love to hate it, hate to love it. i think you have to be native to be willing to stick around for the good times the relationship can bring cause in between them, there's big-time disappointment to be had, living in bakersfield.
- a storm's supposed to dump upon the mountain. david nigel- & gita lloyd are to visit soon. i hope i'll be home to host them, since my plans are to squirrel off. david's playing tomorrow, saturday, @ the work of heart gallery here, 7 pm, $15. he's worth forking out the dough. here's more info: DNL in FP david & gita are the real thing, the real tamale, warm, bright, & fascinating folks devoted to the true artists' ways. they are pure in a place that's often, sadly, just purely polluted. praise & support to the lloyds.

banes of humanity

tho am supposed to these days play more, fret less (not talking guitar, either), the following are two strategy- & pattern-freak crazy-makers. productivity & commitment, to the devil, for tonight has brought game-centered -- therefore creative, therefore the only type desirable -- obsession & madness! have fun with silversphere and bloxorz... mwahahahahahaha!

the muses ain't dead; long live the appendages.

after nearly two yrs, finally set up my little home "studio" here @ the mtn abode & recorded three new songs (well, two were "old," but unfinished til today). have written lots of songs, but haven't had the heart to record for quite some time... so today was a real milestone!
took quite a long time to find everything i needed, get it all hooked up, then recall how the 8-track works... forgot what a transcendent, immersing experience home recording is. joy!! where'd the day go?!? am suddenly hungry & cold, tho didn't noticed while working on songs.
too, so love playing bass & making it really boom, as well as fit crude semblances of percussion parts together. can't play guitar worth a lick, so on one ronnie dawson-kind of tune, i threw an A chord on top of where B went, eliciting a weirdish, chicken-scratch, hasil adkins-manquee kind of sound... yeah!
am so happy & grateful for today: wonderful little mtg in pinon pines w/my mtn fellowship friends, visit w/sister, then all day snowflakes & wind & sun & clouds & then more snow, a real winter wonderland, while inside all's cozy & music-filled.
can't wait to work on songs more tomorrow. for now, time to quit, find something to eat, maybe read or roku for a bit.
if i can download audacity, then remember my esnips password, will try to add new songs there in the next eon or so.
it's saturday night! tomorrow's jonny whiteside's messaround @ viva cantina burbank, then manuel @ liquid kitty, plus kaykay's cattle call jam @ julie's branding iron in bako... :)
the appendages live. long live the appendages!

it really looks like this! (pour me out & call me sugar. impossible to be bitter in these pts, after all.)

found this pic from life magazine - i believe it could be the road heading away from my very own house! it really looked that beautiful here today, in any case, after last night's storm... yes, anybody'd delight w/living in this lovely mountain town. today i made the rounds of locals shops w/small goal beyond being out & about... an old man named john, who volunteers @ the various thrift shops, smiled, clapped his hands, & exclaimed, "oh! you're back. you are so beautiful!" HE'S beautiful: straight-backed, coffee-colored, beaming broadly, today in neatly pressed turquoise shirt & shiny western belt buckle. i'm not special except in that john makes everyone feel special. he is one of the kindest & happiest fellows i've ever met! going place to place around the mtn, ppl were friendly, happy. the day was stunning! what was to keep ppl on the mtn from feeling joyful to some degree? this morning, a mist resembling snow danced around the sky, shiny particles swirling & tumbling in heavenly jitterbug, but the climate was too warm for snow; a deep sniff of air brought a clean fragrance of aliveness, refreshment, even the beach! it was magical, as is, i believe, this place, this golden mountain, these rocks, these trees, trees that sang & sighed & moaned during last night's storm. best of all was to share the evening w/my dear sister here, the palpable connection w/loved ones, & now to settle w/a book or maybe even a movie. gentle evening to all.
announcing: we have more gigs coming up
building: next wk, a labyrinth
cleaning: house, in several ways
deciding: whether to paint or not
emphasizing: to try to control others is to demean them
fine-tuning: new songs from the last few days
gravitating toward: a gentler & happier way (i hope)
hoping: for a full moon
ignoring: the mean ones
joking: with my sister tonight over dinner
kissing: roscoe & gusgus
listening to: the space heater, ocean sounds
meditating upon: acem
needing: rocks for my labyrinth
orienting: to new ways of thinking
postulating that: plants are sentient & therefore feel pain & therefore
questioning: what the heck do we eat?
reading: just kids by patti smith
stuck on: wonderment that i'm still here
thinking: dinner @ los pinos w/angie was sure good
unable to: fly
valuing: having been awakened again to life
wanting: a fire
x-amining: the evidence, instead of the voices in my head
yearning for: iceland, new orleans
zoning out: because of a full stomach

v day!

happy valentine's day to all! -especially to that secret, most important valentine residing w/in, the ever-loving, ever-constant partner who knows us best & always roots for us, even when we forget... thank you to patty b for pix from sat's show... i was so happy to have a sincere heart-to-heart w/becky "cattie ness," hear her rockin band, talk w/karling & hear her crystal-clear vocals & whip-sharp band, to perform for the 1st time minus monster makeup, wearing a dress of demure length bc it was red & fringy & why the heck not? all in all, saturday felt like a debut into a life of realness -- despite the highly artifical setting! i take this as a very good sign... to combine authenticity w/performance: what a heartening accomplishment -- seemingly, now, possible! thank you & much love to my ultra-rockin dusk devils men for setting the stage on fire w/heart, talent, & dedication to always putting in nothing less than 110% -- no slackers in this lineup, & it shows in the way the audience cheers, in the palpable excitement coming from the crowd!... gentleness, fun, gratitude, & love to you. :)

what a confusing life... but wheeee!!!!

this will be a great way to return to civilization... karling (and big manny?), becky, burlesque, and DUSK DEVILS!!! wow.

here i is, i is here

the hostel clerk is online listening to dervishy sitar music... feel a little swoony, but it might be the abq nm altitude... i opted here @ the rt 66 hostel for the $35 rm instead of $20 dorm bed & my place upstairs (am sitting in common rm/kitchen area to do the net thing) is HUGE!!! - sitting rm w/futon, arched entry leading to bedrm w/2 beds, bay windows, private bath (unusual in a hostel, you know)... it's old & funky. like me. oh; having just finished trauma camp, i know i shouldn't speak of myself in such ways. no more cheap jokes! not for tonight, anyhow. but that one was too good to avoid. :)
what to say about life healing center, santa fe, nm? if you know someone in serious distress, wanting to check out of this life, & can make it happen financially, send them! LHC treats mind-body-spirit, no pill-pushing -- just compassion, education, camaraderie, love, uncovering of core reasons for crippling life problems. from it, i feel new, w/internal partner i never realized was there, skills to be a grown-up w/integrity & dignity, the ability to be genuine & realistic... if i use what i learned & do not magnify, but instead recognize & integrate the dark side.
there's some chance now my insides can match my outsides. obviously, this is a very, very good deal, much more than reprieve from desire to check out, which is all i asked for. this morning i said goodbye to dear stacy (she is commemorated near the women's smoke pit, where she would've been the life of the party), walked the grounds labyrinth for the last time (walked it most days i was there). it's been snowing like crazy, arctic weather in nm unprecedented in 40 yrs. sun-lit ice crystals wafted all around like magic celestial jewels, reminders of the eternal spirit of sky & land... i looked up just as a flock of rose-bellied birds flew over, beautiful brothers & sisters. said bye thru tears to wonderful women. even the men said bye, tho we're not sposed to talk. the true love, not lust or fear-based desire for clinging, was palpable more & more each day. we rooted for each other. i grew to love & respect so many. mama said i was courageous to see i needed help, but i didn't see courage til i met the other ppl @ LHC, staff & clients. self-actualization, authenticity: what a task! achievable, but such hard work! besides gratitude, my middle name now must be vigilance, for to have these skills now is a miracle, & it could be an ephemeral one if i'm not careful...
i could blab on & on, obviously; if you read this & want to know more about LHC, please email me. would love to share more.
being off the grounds felt surreal: walking freely, getting my own meals, window shopping, exploring. the train ride to abq was pleasant, sleepy. checked in to hostel, explored on ft the old downtown abq, saw true grit, ate pizza & drank soda & read the free papers (ken's LHC cooking was good, but oh, to eat non-LHC food!!! wow!!!!) i'll miss my new sisters... but will see them soon. more true friends! more love! amazing.
"when you turn toward the light, the shadows fall away."
as pasha would say, "warmth & kindness to you."

goodbye & thanks for the sopaipillas

land of enchantment. georgia o'keefe. earth ships. sangre de cristos. turquoise & velvet. carlsbad caverns. big native sky. ancient spirits. clean blue air. high painted deserts. santos y retablos. norman petty studios. gary farmer and the troublemakers. sacred clowns, real tobacco, petroglyphs & canyons, kasharis, yucca, pinon pine, pueblos, route 66, las cruces, sopaipillas, gallup, the el rancho, mama says "everyone looks like us," taos, pueblos, old churches, dusty roads, the pecos & the rio grande, green enchiladas, chaco canyon, rez dogs, chile & frijoles, ojo caliente, grandmas selling baubles, old town, hot sauce, "indians," the sad scourge of alcoholism, beauty in spite of it all, beauty & peace... please add to this list til i get back. when i get back, i will know how to live well.

honoring the king as well as the king & queen of rocknroll music

every yr i'm so amazed art keeps asking us back to this fantastic show... this yr, i asked him if he had any requests. "well," he replied, "no one's ever done ready teddy. or long tall sally. or tutti frutti." his next email read, "and certainly not ever has anyone done them as a medley." my heart flipped & i took the hint. what a task!!: to not just honor the king of rocknroll, but to put on the mantle of the one & only mister penniman, self-proclaimed king AND queen of rocknroll!... i don't know how well we'll ape, but good heavens, we'll sure have our fun singing & playing those tunes!! in fact, everyone that night will have fun -- even if we fall off the stage, totally crash & burn, we'll be but a tiny grinning, swinging part & the show will go on & all will have fun! happy upcoming birthday to elvis, on the heels of baby new year...

gud jul & L7 over x in the snow: true love is the devil's crowbar; he hung me with the endless rope; you will always subtract your arms from my arms

-> (sometimes on here stuff seems sort of in code, to protect people's privacies, not to deliberately obfuscate, but i recently heard the latter's how it can come off, so if you don't know it, the above translates as "happy new year from frazier park," followed by lyrics from the terrific LA '80s punk-roots-art band X, who wrote a lot about the world's social injustice, but also about love-torture. the heart IS a lonely hunter. and often wounded & hungry, too.)
-> my former future-ex-husband (i've given up) phil alvin will serve as master of ceremonies for the gene taylor blues band's new yr's eve show this friday nite at LA's redwood room. gene'll be backed by the original blasters, for pete's sake. here's an article about this going-to-be-incredibly-awesome show, at which i will not be. yeah, should just kill myself & get it over with, but've been doing this spiritual practice lately, yknow, so just won't... plus (it IS some consolation, tho gene'll be back in belgium by then) will get to see most of these fellas @ the elvis birthday bash, art fein's annual super shindig, art fein of hollywood, that is, our manager in name, man about tinseltown, gadfly, scribe, hopeful malcontent w/love of music so fervent, bet it overrides his hatred of sloppy language (don't read this, @), art whose green corduroy jacket i finally shall return in hope-not-too-dog-haired & wrinkled condition...
-> lately my thing is to miss it all, like a bizarro world art. for instance, a blasphemy: x played the other night @ the crystal palace, but in my bones i knew i just had to get home to the mtns, so no estaba.
-> my sister reported they played the entire los angeles album, then at least 3-4 songs from every other. after i finished throwing up, i got back on the phone. "billy zoom looked perfect," she cooed, "& afterward john doe & exene were out in the lobby signing autographs but i couldn't go up to him!! i was too scared!!" i recalled to her 1st time mtg phil alvin being that way, shaking like the leaves on the trees... brian p, good guy, grabbed me & pushed me up to phil, who kissed my hand & recited a poem. bp took pix; in them, i look like maybe i just had a fit, sort of spacy & goony. wish i'd been @ x cause would've done the same for my sis, shoved her up there so she'd have a photo memento.
-> what else? candye kane's & tom yearsley's party. that'll be a super gas. a SUPER GAS!! and I WAS INVITED!! (me & 1,000 others, that is.) then there's another party in simi valley where was told i even could sit in, but they'll be playing '80s & the friend who invited me & even is playing it is not excited about it... 3 musical event possiblities... i mean, jeez.
-> what's wrong w/me?!? such a stick in the mud. we only live once, right? but lately am in a space where 1) my spirit's doing well; 2) therefore don't have thoughts of head in oven; & 3) wanna keep it that way. really, something about the music just makes me come unhinged. can't do halfway: it's love or barf! that's fine when close to home so a person can slip out, or is surrounded by brothers & sisters so can come down safely. but all the aforementioned events'll be in the southland. that leaves me alone after the ball drops & therefore maybe headed for lonesome town & maybe even dangerland. so trying to be wise, this hermit's gonna miss it all this auld lang syne. but will hope to see the ball drop, anyhow, at some cozy place, & usher in 2011 soberly... be you sober or not, @ 12 am on jan 1, may you be safe & happy.
-> prudence, wisdom, chickenness? feh. no se importa. why'd i even write all this? maybe you face similar indecision, worry about being uncool, missing out, life leaving you behind. but how can we be cool if we're dead? the health of one's soul must come first. then fun, then coolness, then kicks. as a person i know says, "i have spoken."
-> drew a full house @ the goodwill recently, picking up john doe's roadside prophets, juke logan, & exene's old wives tales on cassette - 25 cents each! so happy for my antiquated av gear, which allows such deals. yes, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! feliz ano nuevo!! so for 2011, here's some x lyrics:
-> absence makes the heart grow fonder / so i never want to see you again / i'm wrecking the kitchen carefully / but i'm keeping your dinner warm...
... as well as their sort of new year's song:
-> year one little babies, year one on their tvs, no a.d. b.c. a.d. patriotic people sleep in washington d.c., waiting waiting waiting, they don't feel a thing, no dolls no debutantes, no desperate living class, no roman catholic mass, no magazines no tv, no r.c.a. no g.e., year one in our history, year one in society, they're waiting for the son, for any son to come, year one you're on, i'm one
(in fine: brilliant niece on the world ending in 2012; read this imagining a teenage voice dripping w/sarcasm: "the mayan calendar is a circle. assuming a circle has a beginning OR end, which it does NOT, people, what would you do when it ends? YOU START OVER. i imagine if the ancient mayans hadn't been wiped out, they'd've made a new calendar starting at 2012... but there ARE NO ANCIENT MAYANS ANYMORE. and IT'S A CIRCLE, PEOPLE!")

bless-ed.

in the old days, the word "blessed" or anything resembling it would've made me puke. but over the holidays, i rented my house thru the site airb&b, & i do feel blessed w/the way things went down.
"strangers? aren't you worried they might trash your house?" an aunt of mine asked. no, i wasn't; i was forthright in describing my house: nothing fancy, but w/beautiful vws & wonderful other perks, i feel, that wouldn't appeal to insincere ppl, mebbe. no real amenities except star-gazing, hiking, mountains, clean air, fireplace, cozy cabin-like ambience, etc. i sensed anyone who'd choose my place would appreciate it as a humble & friendly place... or maybe i'd be wrong & they'd trash it. we'd see how it would go, but i had a feeling all would be ok.
never realized how messy my place was til a young family reserved it for christmas. yipes!! i started scrubbing. for 3 days. :) then a darling young girl & her cute, bubbly mom showed up @ the door. their story sounded sadly too-typical of what's up today in the usa: dad lost job, family had to separate for economic reasons, mom & daughter stay w/grandma while mom finishes school, dad lives in entirely separate town. a young family wrenched apart. "i've been looking for a place i could afford so we could all be together for the holidays," smiled mom. "i'm so grateful; i can't even tell you!" she enthused in 10 different ways how much she loved my house & hugged her little girl. "she's been so brave," she said. the little girl smiled & hugged me when i left. "have fun, sweety!" i said. my heart swelled & i sniffled & smiled w/gratitude down the hill to bako. what a christmas, to be renting my place so that i might have a little dough, but then for THIS family to get to be together bc of it!
then someone i know asked, "did you meet the father?" no, replied i.
worry temporarily set in. what if he's just out of prison, unrepentant? outlaw biker? mean drunk? what if mom & girl were just waiting for me to leave so they could bring in bad papa?
good sense returned. bah - nonsense. as mama said, "it's CHRISTMAS!" (this translates as, "all are welcome, we love everyone, we trust everyone." this is sort of mama's credo all the time, tho.)
my christmas was even better than i'd thought it could be. astoundingly nice. & yesterday i called the dad to give all the heads-up i'd be coming home that next day. a humble voice answered; w/in secs i knew there'd been no need for worry. "we are so blessed to have been able to stay together in your house for the holidays." how was your christmas? i asked. great, he said. "& it was the neatest thing. we were having dinner & looking out the window & it started to snow." snow at christmas for a family reunited, a little girl surrounded by loving mom & dad. i ran sniffling & smiling w/gratitude to my beaming family, all of us wondering @ the christmasy spirit of the whole thing.
today i got home. the daughter was waiting in the window & when i pulled up, she jumped off the couch. the family came right out: beautiful, beaming mom, handsome, clear-eyed dad, smiling child, doggies. we chatted for a few minutes. they smiled & enthused about what a wonderful time they'd had. i went in my house, so happy to be home. they'd left me a huge, cheerful bouquet of flowers, a box of cookies, food in the fridge, a handwritten note & a beautiful card from all containing words like "magical," "amazing," "enchanting," "cozy," & "wonderful." THEY thanked ME. my heart sang, as would yours, i'd think! i sniffled & smiled w/gratitude, then called & told mama & wrote about it here bc i must not ever forget this! don't know why such a nice experience happened to me, but it did, & all i can say is i feel so happy to have had this house that allowed that young family to be together & have such a nice time.
& i do feel blessed; there's not really another word i can think of that better describes it.
happy, happy holidays. :)

happy holidays!!!!

click here to read "a christmas carol," only 1 of dickens's holiday stories, but the greatest novella ever, i think, aside from "dr jekyll and mr hyde," that is! hope any who might read this are fed, warm, & happy -- as well as the millions of our brethren who won't ever read this!!
imagine a world where all are fed, warm, & happy. what would life be like then? may we be well. may our fellow humans be well. may your days be merry & bright.

post 500: mister awesome tickles the ivories, rides & swings the B&W rails this new yrs eve!!!!

oh, what can i say about mister awesome, who gave me a piano lesson at a friend's hollywood apt several yrs back, except WOW? was supposed to go down to harvelle's last night to see gene, backed by original blasters minus professor phil... a storm hit!!! the weather was a-blowing and colld, colld, colld - "not fit for maaan or beast!" i made it in the house, freezing like a drowned rat, made it in thru the door & slammed it shut and... the place was so cozy, so christmasy, while outside blustered, sleeted, winds on the way up the grapevine @ 40mph...
i stayed in. the storm never ended. then blasters fan #1 lisa carin emailed today & said the band played 2 sets last night & it was beyond awesome... telling of my mind-state today, i feel not like i wanna put my head in an oven @ that happy news, but happy for all who got to witness it & excited about new yr's eve!, when gene & co play the final american show for this yr, @ the BELLY UP of all places! close to candye, freddie & bill, beach, temperate climate, & blazers memories (see link below for gene's schedule)... speaking of blazers, manuel/big manny's on tour in tx right now w/life-long buddy ruben (tho they no longer play together, for the most pt) doing the big manny christmas album! i hope they're having a swell time together... they've known each other over 40 yrs! they speak music & marx bros & more! so delighted manuel & ruben are together for this yuletide...
the gray matter is radiating calm happiness right now. hope you who read be experiencing this, too. :) to be not just still alive, but in a cozy mountain shelter w/music, visitors, food, things to read, some dough, able body & mostly cooperating coconut, friendships, love, & 2nd chances... well, what's there to be sad about? your particulars might be a bit different, but if you're with me, well, let's give thanks. happy christmas week to all. :)

el mero mero

these guys were even cooler than i thought they'd be... take a look! they sound exactly like the ramones -- a really tight, powerful, faithful tribute! the incongruity of look w/sound is the initial conceit -- but the music itself is very well-done & huge fun!
they had a xmas CD for sale -- rick & phil, good eggs, bought copies & then LR had phil supply the "gabba gabba hey" during "pinhead." watching phil the rockabilly boy scout thrashing around w/these mugs, ultra-cool in their mexican red-white-&-green, black stetsons, & drunken-tio beards & mullets, was such a kick! it made me restless, tho, like i get, never wanting to play any slow songs ever again, wanting to get hold of shantell to do that all-girl cramps tribute we've been talking about for yrs... slow songs: yech!!! LR was nice afterwards; they're east-LAers, so i had to ask if anyone knew manuel, & one recalled from when "i was a little kid," hanging out @ an east-side record store where the older guys would jam. "those guys were our heroes," he said. i feel dumb cause i can't remember which ramon this was... oh well. i'm sure we'll see them again. :)
"what a great double-bill!" enthused steve price, who showed up w/truly elvis-worthy mutton chops... pizza-slices were faithfully NY-style, our set was fun (tho i couldn't hear the keyboard) (scotty did "lovesick blues" for the 1stx on stage & it came out cool!), & david & nancy were the best, friendliest hosts!... dusk devils love rocknroll pizza, worth a visit if you're traveling anytime down topanga cyn between the 118 & 101, right across from the mammoth shopping mall... in a day of karaoke, sports bars, top 40 & cover bands who eat up all the paying gigs, & general indifference, people who are so faithful to live rocknroll music, like the redballs folks, deserve support & gratitude!!!
long live rocknroll. long live rocknroll pizza!

spread the bird, bird, bird is the word...

- presented here's the devo-evo-lution of our R&R pizza show flyers, courtesy of creative gourmand david vieira: note that the devil-chick show is tomorrow. yay!!! :)
- on another note, boogie-woogie king gene taylor's here from belgium! catch him before he goes home: click on "tour," then scroll down to GT blues band
- wonder if he'll pop up @ the elvis show again? 1x, 2 yrs ago, was enough for this heart: i nearly plotzed in a died-&-gone-to-heaven moment. i mean, all that talent, then gene walks in unexpectedly?? my lord!!
- as is, @ elvis show we're on bill w/not just a cast of thousands, but candye, karling, AND ruby!!!!!!!! how'd that happen??
- oh yeah... art. wow, art; wow. :) he makes wonderful musical assemblages annually @ these things -- can't believe we & i get to be a part. i pinch myself! it's unimaginable! to think where i could be & instead to get this... time to regroup, for mild gratitude, for calm reflection, not impulse for merriment & mania, to guffaw & monkey about & jump & run... will save that for the stage. :)
- for what do you have to be grateful? (let's all take a second to pause... bow heads... give thanks...) heh! just kidding, sort of!
- feliz fin de semana y felices fiestas to you, dear reader, whomever you be. life, oh life! we're still here! rejoice!

storming inside, storming outside... what a mess

man-about-hollywoodtown art fein mentioned our gallery/ruby escapade in his latest column: "I went to an art opening for my friend John Tottenham, whom I’d always known one-dimensionally as a writer. His drawings and paintings covered many white walls at a space next to a sport-shoes store in a nondescript part-American area south on La Cienega and a great celebration and gathering was at hand. Jenny the thrush [as in the throat infection, mebbe?] and ivory-tickler from the Dusk Devils came along and we ran into many people we know, including to our surprise the surprised Phil Alvin. Much fun was had. Then we went over to a club mysteriously hidden behind Amoeba Record to attend Rodney Bingenheimer’s Rock & Roll show featuring my idol Ruby Friedman. We got in a little late and caught only two of her songs, but two of her songs is worth a hundred of anyone else’s ..." yes, definitely ruby is idol-worthy... was awed but also scared to watch her, really. so powerful. such emotion. can't really handle it. panic, choke, feel end drawing near. it gets stupid-bad! must limn edges of life, stay nimble, hop around, stay ahead. life's heaviness is too close-to-the-surface in this brain. yet, in a finger's snap, all is bliss, wonder, amazement! i often just don't get why i got this particular coconut, bent on my destruction, seemingly... anyways, the above describes only one of about 50 escapades of which @ writes this mo.; he's never in one place, he goes from town to town... he really gets around! (at top of this page is ad for this yr's elvis show, too.) sofein
* @ mysteriously left his green corduroy jacket in the small space of my truck's front seat (daughter jessie had his car, so i chauffeured). i'm sorry to say it now bears dog hair... would love to get pix from paul body of the night, including 1 of me/PA & AF, tho am positive i was having a very bad hair night.
* tottenham's art was peculiar & affecting. one series showed a disabled, nude, seemingly depressed, underfed woman. i thought it exploitative, & then an acquaintance said he liked it!: that it showed the humanity of persons normally not considered subjects of art! my dear friend donna'd probably say rashomon may be the case -- someplace in the middle is Truth.
* imagine that. the frigging middle. now there's a wise construct!
* the wall that flipped me out most displayed a score of small paintings, ea of a different man w/a different woman, ea in which the man's fingers are stuffed in the woman's mouth.
* i mean, what the hell can i say about that except i just don't know what the hell to say about that... it was kinda weird & thrilling & depressing, i guess.
* lastly, am glad i saw art's post & have something to write about that doesn't involve an oven & my head. (just kidding, loved ones, about something not funny one bit.) the dog boys are here & it's storming like crazy... i should be @ a mtg!... so what's it like to have two ppl living in one body? (not that you asked?) bliss & bane, thrill & despair, too much for me...
* waiting for the next wave, when the updraft hits & i go soaring... should be soon, knowing this rollercoaster... soon!! "there is always madness in love. but there also is always some reason in madness." nietzsche? is it true???
* wishing you a warm place out of the elements, w/a head & soul that cooperate...

shadows, d.h. lawrence

r.i.p. to heather & peace to all of her loved ones.

and if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.

and if, as weeks go round, in the dark of the moon
my spirit darkens and goes out, and soft strange gloom
pervades my movements and my thoughts and words
then I shall know that I am walking still
with God, we are close together now the moon’s in shadow.

and if, as autumn deepens and darkens
I feel the pain of falling leaves, and stems that break in storms
and trouble and dissolution and distress
and then the softness of deep shadows folding,
folding around my soul and spirit, around my lips
so sweet, like a swoon, or more like the drowse of a low, sad song
singing darker than the nightingale, on, on to the solstice
and the silence of short days, the silence of the year, the shadow,
then I shall know that my life is moving still
with the dark earth, and drenched
with the deep oblivion of earth’s lapse and renewal.

and if, in the changing phases of man’s life
I fall in sickness and in misery
my wrists seem broken and my heart seems dead
and strength is gone, and my life
is only the leavings of a life:

and still, among it all, snatches of lovely oblivion, and snatches of renewal
odd, wintry flowers upon the withered stem, yet new, strange flowers
such as my life has not brought forth before, new blossoms of me

then I must know that still
I am in the hands of the unknown God,
he is breaking me down to his own oblivion
to send me forth on a new morning, a new man.

dusk devils, los ramons, rocknroll pizza, dec. 11, FREE SHOW!

here's the version w/the correct date. this tiny joint has great pizza & fun vibe. it's not much of a drive from bako. or smell/swellay. fun fun fun! :)

turkey on thanksgiving, like alms for the poor / all we need are the necessities and more...

ain't it the truth? happy turkey day!
i love thanksgiving, which in our family means lots of noisy, happy, cranky people & enough food to feed a small country, but i also love this picture: ... the pie run's in 6 hrs! i have my pie... will you be there?: thursday, thanksgiving day, @ hart pk, bakersfield. bring a pie & look for the bonfire.
hope my foot will cooperate! if not, i spose i'll just hobble...
wishing you warmth, health, love, & sustenance of all kinds these holidays. and maybe a day off, too. :)

oh! the holidays! oh! the big apple! oh! the food!! "i'll tip the newsboy i'll take a shine i'll ride this dream to the end of the line"

my heart just felt it... holidays are here! ooh my soul! it swells w/love! may your days be merry & bright!
(& now to blablablog re nyc trip - kinda out of order)
- flew on jetblue LAX to JFK - absolutely no hassle, lots of leg rm & i love that airbuses are quiet on take-off/landing, the horrifying roar being the pt of the plane ride i usually most dread... jetblue also has great snacks & serves dunkin' donuts coffee, but you gotta pay for headphones if you want to watch tv (i didn't)
- used airtrams to navigate jfk & then got wk pass (a deal! do it, if you plan to use NYC public transport, which you must!) & metrorailed into manhattan... NYC is safe now! my sis traveled to NYC 20+ yrs ago & still deems it "dirty & stinky & scary." but it's not, sister. it's just not that way no mo. unlike the buck owens song, i love new york, & you will, too!
- checked in @ hostel on upper east side w/o much of a hitch... neighborhood's safe & clean &, like cow hollow in SF, off the beaten path, meaning a refuge, removed from the excitement (mess), quiet @ nite (tho the french guy next door snored as loud as the witch in suspiria, ultimately kinda funny, not annoying).
- neighborhood planters are filled w/gourds & scarecrows, store windows w/lights & stars: it's the intersection of autumn thanksgiving & winter yuletide & you can feel it on your cheeks, in the crisp air, quickening the pulse: cars & taxis honk, brakes squeak, foodsmells swell, windows pop w/beautiful things to see & buy (not today, thanks), skyscrapers loom... the city's alive!!
- walked 42nd st, time square @ nite, lit up like daylight, neoned like tokyo, crowded like new yr's eve... this whole area never sleeps!! no plan on this trip except for meditation seminar... the unexpected is around each corner & delights outweigh frustrations by far, like a quick run down W 24th st that reveals a whole free, fun row of avante-garde art galleries; or a subway musician improv-embellishing upon lovely gershwin melodies on lonely clarinet; or the most delicious curried rice & chicken plate, steaming hot on a cold night, from street foodslingers the halal guys... :)
- delicious la mia plain pizza, unbeatable famous ray's pizza (they ship to cal!), blueberry cheesecake, overwhelming eataly (an italian food super-emporium), 99c slices, bagels, morning eggs on roll for a buck-fifty, so much great food everyplace!; walked & walked miles & miles ea day, tho foot is still killing me (gd plantar fasciitis)... can't get over how great it is to explore the city afoot; can't get over that it's not freezing; can't get over the city loveliness, vibrancy (that is, til the moment near end of trip i get bumped by one too many ppl on crammed street & subway & realize: time to go home)
- went down to greenwich village, up to the bronx (where i go is open, rural, dilapidated, like where cops might find the body in a crime movie, but beautiful somehow), had awesome coconut-pistachio gelato bar @ former, pastrami & soup in cozy hole-in-wall @ latter, then a white castle slider, too. gluttony.
- empire state bldg, statue of liberty, top of the rock (watched the sun set over the city, red & orange make-your-eyes-water gleam waning between gray buildings like final scene of an end-of-the-world movie), waldorf-astoria marbled toilet rms: so much influence of art deco, neo-classical, egyptian, even: opulent mash-ups create architectural finery
- central park!!! a jewel!!! giant rocks, giant trees, grassy fields, waterfalls, lakes, ice rinks, walking, jogging, climbing, ambling, strolling, overcoated, watch-capped, happy, chatting, everywhere everyday people... what could be better?
- ellis island: so moving & interesting, but the energy drains your soul. so many ghosts. on the register of arrivals is one egio gia: dad's grandpa
- acem meditation seminar: terrific, non-religious, so effective! floating in meditation, my nail-in-heel pain is abated; thoughts of hats flying atop of mailboxes waft in my brain & it's cool, to be conscious & yet watch a dream in action, then return to the meditation phrase, which, like jogging, calms & cleans the mind & body www.acem.com
- am treated to #1 b'way play MEMPHIS & spend 20 bucks on 2 cokes & peanut m&ms, but am happy for the whole experience, in the lovely & surprisingly (to me) small shubert theatre, velvety, brocaded, gilded... when the performers start hoofing, w/a shock i realize this is BROADWAY indeed! what polish!
- pickles, beets, rye bread, matzo ball soup, potato pancake, post-b'way crowd @ junior's...
- "skate" @ rockefeller plaza (well, i watch) - have skated (unsuccessfully) just once, as a child, so mostly hug the rails this time, too, but what exhilaration, the festive spirit, the glisten & crunch & sizzle of ice, the smiles & pink cheeks of others, the joy & sounds of laughter all around... jani said today she'll teach me to skate, & i can't wait! i tried, but... i suck. still, what tremendous good-cheer fun it is. :)
- went thru MOMA & got to see up-close (tho too-fast) van goghes, cezannes, matisses, picassos, etc etc, in what looks to be a bigger painting collection than has the british museum (also saw fun baldessari exhibit); then watched @ museum of natural history mind-blowing planetarium show about stars (how can SOMETHING come from NOTHING?? from where, then, did the hydrogen gas & dark matter that formed it all come?!? clearly i'm no astronomer, not even close) as well as margaret meade hall on ppl of south seas & another on the near east & what stuck w/me was learning that dharma INCLUDES want of artha (wealth) & kama (desire), but that then one realizes these are temporary fixes & seeks moksha (salvation)... was reassured to learn hindus recognize that (Wo)Man has a need, even craving for the material @ a certain life-pt, but then matures & sets such things aside... it seems forgiving of we frail, (too) oftentimes ignoble humans...
- cab, train, bus, plane, finally reached california & reveled in big pink sky & sun & lovely weather... the weather: why all those NYers want to be here! waited all day & eve, jetlagged, for cousin to arrive frm TX, but this, too, allowed meandering adventure: bargains, eating, veering off to awesome women's mtg in venice, driving in circles listening to NPR til i find my gym, a 3-story version packed w/young ppl of all colors (something i loved in NYC: the tremendous cultural & racial diversity), awesome kickboxing class, watts times on way out. scooped up family @ LAX, then we arrived home to mountains for final gift: dad & mom had been there that day, put up new curtains, turned on heaters, so my little house was cozy & golden-warm against the freezing cold night, & in the morning, we had coffee & the kids had juice & donuts & oh, to be home. what a wondrous thing. :) happy holidays to you. :)

don't save this date... save DECEMBER 11!!!

am in nyc on hostel computer (clean, bare-bones lodging here's a divided walk-up: common kitchen, bathrm, but private little rm w/loft bed on top, single on bottom, good tv, & vw of upper east side st below): seeing so many sites, walking my feet off (owww!!!), went to promising acem meditation seminar (www.acem.com), etc... just got into email & LOOK AT THIS!! :)
however, sez artist david, who made this, the flyer date's wrong. we'll be there dec. 11. it'll be a swell show! not just is r&r pizza a tiny, cool venue slathered w/R&R posters, it has good NY-style pizza... i've been eating A LOT of it this past wk, & i'd say r&r pizza (as much as it can, not having NYC's sweet municipal water) stacks up! w/spanish-language ramones tribute band los ramons on the bill w/us, it should sure-shootin' be so much fun. :)
yes, hello to all you mugs, you mensches, from the big apple, one of my most favorite cities on earth!! hope your wkend's going wonderfully.
more later - there's no chair here, which is a very effective net-addict deterrent...

fragmenticity, shifts in tense, sleepy can't-sleep ramblings

-can't sleep!
- going to nyc! among other things, for a meditation seminar... need to mellow out. so excited, tho!!! want to ice skate (haven't since 1x in child yrs), jog & explore central pk, walk & walk the upper east side & everyplace, see coney island, eat pizza. anything beyond just being there will be lagniappe. art said, "i'd never sleep if i lived there. i can definitely feel the pulse of the city..."
- lately - beautiful karling abbeygate & my friend manuel! palmer & leo were there, too, w/me therein reuniting the big manny christmas record crew... :) cool retro marina hotel. late night drives. denny's pancake puppies & peppermint shake! dusk devils music. scotty adds ideas to evil eye... yes, new songs! monster drinks. very cool gigs upcoming, more pending!! long mountain hikes with friends. i look out from the vista on which i stand & realize: the mountains are my backyard! wow! transitions, arguments, amends, lonely times, better times. good mtgs around here! visit from mom & dad... then hollywood w/art fein: john tottenham art exhibit; in the midst of it, surprise glimpse of beautiful erin, who's gracious enough to let me make amend to her, albeit brief (i'm sure i spooked her; i'm sure she didn't expect to see awful me there... but she looked happier when she left, less stressed, & i was so happy, too, to get that unexpected chance to try to make right a wrong); friendly paul body w/his roach-stomping, high-gloss cowboy boots; phil alvin... phil alvin! at the art opening, just like that, incongruously!... (why do i say "incongruously"? i don't really know the guy! just certainly didn't expect him there... nor he, me [us?], by his pleased gape.)
-just a bit more on phil, w/whom i've been obsessed for decades (tho i have had to admit in this past yr he'll possibly never be my future ex-husband): he stood there grinning at me -- at ME!! -- like bugs bunny or the heehaw donkey, rooster-chested, shoulders thrown back like the one bad stud, in a black thrift-store suit & white dress shirt w/wife-beater showing beneath... his hair was dyed, jeffersonianly, & his manner was dim, hip, regal, friendly. "hey, di-d-did i hear ya moved?" he asked me, jutting forward at me for a bit of emphasis, & then we all talked for a bit & i piqued him w/news of the mysterious museum of jurassic technology, a dang place never open when i'm down there... phil was there to hang out, to schmooze, but i got freaked out!, so went to "look at the art." can't be that crazy hot-to-trot for someone for so many yrs then stand & shoot the bull w/him. just can't. it was too much!!
- art had a little wine & was done, said it didn't make him drunk but just feel weird, tho also relaxed so that he "could talk." malcolm gladwell, accordion, relationships, living in paris (he has; i've just visited), some gossip about a musician-knothead everyone knows, & of course, music music music, lots of talk & it all & all was quite a cool & even amazing evening... headed to cabana club off sunset for stunning, wonderful ruby friedman orchestra, ruby leading her crescendoing songs w/these magnificent silent-era eyes & lips & arms that floated like butterflies. then she'd rock & shake like the child of joe cocker meets janis & it was the coolest thing i've seen ever in someone not a whacked-out rockabilly eccentric. she was so haunting, sincere, lovely, rock-opera intense - yet a giggling sort of friendly gentle hippie girl in repose, which made me like her even more.
good gravy, i need to go to bed...

happy, happy baby

one time a friend kindly made me a CD of songs, & this was the 1st cut. i share w/all, especially my buddy who's having an important appt today.
this is just wonderful, i think. :) may we all be happy today, or if not today, how about tomorrow. :)

jani, small people, lifelifelife, true-blue you

feeling a bit glum, was gonna catalog here all the ppl i've gotten to/had to play w/over the past 8 yrs, but then my dear jani called & today's her 12th sobriety bd!! she recentered me. who cares if i've had 4,000 drummers & 85 others & that a recent departure, altho now in a more financially successful gig than he was w/us, has decided to be small w/me, admitting he wronged me in a mean, backhanded way that makes no sense unless he feels guilty & like an ass & therefore that his only recourse is to try to hurt me?... guess not all can be big in a timely manner, as are drunk club folks who work a program, or ones of true character, like my guitar-slinging pal phil... i relate to having to step in crap & smear it on others before realizing i CAN comport myself w/dignity... the situation's too bad, but it'll pass.
i met jani in a mtg in a park in bakersfield. she knew the drinking game was up & was absolutely heartbroken. it's disconcerting to reconcile my memory of her that eve, tears streaming down her face, w/the friendly woman w/the ear-to-ear grin, the one who greets everyone & always strives to make newcomers feel safe & welcome. jani knows & lives pp. 20 & 67 (et al): our lives depend on constant thought of helping others (& the converse: my death, spiritual or corporeal, comes when i think only of helping myself!!). yes, what a miracle sobriety has been for her... & for me! jani & i (& her twin sister joni) are leos & drunks & women who are friends to the world, but have struggled w/men... jani, tho, is more down-to-earth than i am, wears the cloak of life more loosely, i think, & is more pragmatic... i love her so.
feels like i've written this story before: jani's best friend way back when, long before i knew jani, was carrying on w/my boyfriend, who was sort of like the prince of bakersfield bc his daddy was world-famous country singer, big-shot businessman w/media empire -- i thought i was special back then to be/"johnny" (who didn't like being called that, tho that was his birth name), whom i didn't know by name 1st time i saw his handsome face & my heart went clunk -- he was SO CUTE back then!!!! then he opened his mouth & he had that twang... i was done for, too-smart-for-her-own-good, noble-savage-romanticizing, know-nothing that i was. all were buried in hard partying, tho they were "country people" & i was more of a cramps & suicide-ideation girl... not a good match!!
jani tells me still how her friend & she would talk about "that weird girl w/the black hair who wears all that makeup & wears black all the time..." yrs ago a big woman w/huge fire-engine-red hair & loud outfit said, in the middle of a mtg, "when i met jenny, i thought she was BIZARRE!!!" i was taken aback: SHE was bizarre! but yes, i must admit... probably i was bizarre, tho such things are unimportant in the long run & "bizarre" is a relative term.
pt is, jani is my true-blue friend & one's perception of oneself can be pretty skewed & so thank goodness for true-blue friends, who keep a soul relatively current & honest & aware that what's most important is what i think of others cause if i just sit around thinking about me, i'm sunk, dead, buried.
here's to true-blue friends. here's to jani. here's to phil. here's to donna. to mike, manuel, toni, patty, maryfafa, tushi, angie, to... all of you. :)

yes, i'll be here when the morning comes

can't put it more politely than this right now: when life sucks, music saves. tonight's been a bad, bad mo-fo roller coaster. then i picked up my little squire bass & played along w/manuel's CD, which he gave me last wk. carl perkins, bo diddley, down home girl... life was restored as i tried to ape russell scott's bass lines. it reminded me of halloween...
here's some pix from that show, including our new bass player scotty. the band was each given a piece of "caveman" fabric & demonstrated awesome creativity, i thought, when ea showed up as 1) "dallas cowboy cheerleader caveman" (what rick called phil, who wore t-shirt, black shorts & cowboy boots, his legs sticking out conspicuously, & who then did a strip tease when his cave bottoms fell off, to hoots & hollers from female audience); 2) hippie caveman (was delighted that scotty was able to wear the tiger-western shirt made by my artist bro-in-law paul in denver -- i've never been able to wear it); & 3) what i call wally wood classic caveman -- rick went full neanderthal, as i kinda hoped he would, looking as goofy nerdy-cool as anything from vintage mad magazine era.
me? i was (of course) sick as a dog from a terrible recent health snag (nothing lethal; i'm ok, but it has been traumatic), so i opted for buried-in-fur freezing cavewoman. unfortunately, i didn't consider that such an outfit would add 40 lbs to my frame!!! oh well.
once we hit the ground playing, i was well for 4 straight hrs... those derby acres folks kept swarming in, many even having come to see us from the taft show w/whiteboy james, & everyone partied cheerfully, loudly, & generously all night long w/us. we received compliments galore, an encore, & more. "you really come alive w/a crowd," said a nice couple. "the more people arrived, the more you lit up." i loved hearing that!! it's true!!
we played better than we ever have; phil debuted his new awesome rockabilly tune; he & i took round after round of improv instrumentals, & phil's always right-there ready to go. it just felt so good -- my fingers were cooperating cause we were all in the glide... unlike tonight, unlike after the show, the rollercoaster of music was absolutely exhilarating! we did werewolves of london (2x; everyone sang along); haunted house (gene simmons/hasil adkins); munsters theme -- only the last had been practiced, but the others came out so fun!
i even received marriage proposals. even w/40 lbs of extra wt from my costume. :)
however, the moment we stopped playing, i felt death coming quickly. it took a good while to say goodbye to folks, get moolah, load up. i wanted so badly to just lie down & rest & die... such a long drive home... just wanted to die... the evening ended up being full-blown horrible, monstrously so, maybe fitting for halloween, but no no no fun, no sir... but the show, the show was tops, one of our ever-loving best! i was amazed by scott, who, w/1 practice w/us, laid down bass for over 4 hrs.
life w/o music is no life at all. thank you to scott, rick, & phil. and big manny, who doesn't even know he saved me this evening. tonight @ the mtg in nearby lake of the woods, a man said, "here [in secret society] i not just found my smile, but the peace that goes behind it." when i am in the music, or around dear friends, i know that feeling. may you have it, too. no arcania for tonight -- just a wish for love & music & friendship & forgiveness to all who read this.

ok, this is just weird... & a mash note for karling

this is not me.
my clone
my family will attest this is how my face looked when i was younger, down to the sort of peeved expression... this gal's not a half-breed like me, & the wig's black, but the messiness is purt-dang close!!
darned delicious gutbomb late-night in-&-out burger!! it was fun to pile it down on my clear-black-night drive home on heels of (darling) karling abbeygate show @ which i got to see MANUEL!!!, but now i cannot sleep!! arggghhhh!!!! and now it's starting to pour pour pour & the moon is so so white! so tempting!! who can sleep?!? wow!! what a storm's starting!! dang hamburger -- i could be snuggled up in bed w/the rainfall instead of sitting here fat as a tick!!!
karling's got that wanda snarl, & her uptempo tunes in particular rockabillied like crazy & reminded me of becky's band back when: exciting-fun!! karling's got perfect bettie page black fluffy bouncy hair & such a pretty heart-shaped smile, & i wish i could wear sleeveless dresses like the one she wore tonight! she reminded me of betty boop even a bit & wonder what it'd be like to dance on the stage like she does, dance & twirl & then grab the mike & snarl into it like elvis?
it was great fun to get to see her in the flesh finally... like candye, karling's got good mojo, i think!
and manuel, big manny, the down-home giant of guitar: every time he'd sing out some solo i thought was especially fine, i'd look over & phil'd sure enough be smiling & chortling in admiration... phil's the best there is in town -- but manuel was the visiting king tonight!
ok, please continue on to read about tomorrow's halloween show... tonight we practiced nearly 5 HOURS w/scotty & i think tomorrow's gonna be quite the fun little bash. happy all hallow's eve & dia de los muertos & all saint's day & samhain & etc to all! :) :) :)

if you hear him howlin round your kitchen door, better not let him in

i love roku!! last nite, watched "let the right one in," disturbing & lonely & extremely well-made swedish vampire movie that touched off one nightmare of a jacked-up eve... tonight played music, rewatched one of my most faves, "zombieland" ("time to nut up or shut up!" "and without other people, you might as well be a zombie," etc.) & ate caveman cavey's & so the nite, like the werewolf's hair, "was perfect."
am thinking some folks maybe are sore at me right now, tho. such is life, i guess. this, too, shall pass. they all have lives... how important can i be? it can't last, not the good or bad... upside is fri after practice i get to go watch manuel back up karling abbeygate, then we get to do a halloween show, then monday i'll meet the big man again at the barndance... tho i guess not the sore guy who lives in hollywood. maybe some other time. for now, oil well.
am now slightly lamenting i won't be at ex-hubby b's (& my) friends' halloween party sat, where the sober bikers sing (at funnest pt in set, for me) trashy 60s tunes & john smith does his spot-on karloff (i mean bobby boris pickett) & i get to pluck away off-the-cuff... however, we'll debut a new devil this wkend (i hope - if the guy has stamina to run a marathon in 3:30, he can certainly bust thru 4 sets, i'm thinking!!) & i'm looking fwd to seeing the fellows in caveman attire. that should be swell! :) for me, i spose i'll be the token cavewoman.
i think i'll rat my hair. and imagine the makeup i'll be able to get away with!
shuddering w/excitement now... time to hit the keys & try the zevon song... as well as there's a moon out tonight, whoa-oh-oh-ooh (capris)
(p.s. - this reminds me of when i was totally obsessed w/movies & tv shows & did stuff like the following: zombieland dialogue transcript )
(p.p.s. - "go get em," said manuel. "hit em hard & make em love you. i know you do." he speaks from experience!! anyone who doesn't love manuel has no heart & also no ear for sumo-sized talent & the best music!!!)

songs & stories about rain & blablabla

1. "rain," charlie feathers; 2. story "the green morning," about a martian johnny appleseed, ray bradbury (from the martian chronicles); 3. "raindrops," jackie wilson; 4. "i can see clearly now," johnny nash; 5. "just walking in the rain," the prisonaires; 6. "when it rains, it really pours," elvis; 7. "rainy day dream away," jimi hendrix; 8. "stormy weather," ella fitzgerald; 9. "rain song" &/or "fool in the rain," led zeppelin... and, of course, "it's raining men" by the weather girls.
too bad i can't locate online text of "the green morning" to place link of here, since it's a gentle, beautiful story, i think. the bradburys online are more dystopic, e.g. these: "there will come soft rains" by ray bradbury (that one used to freak me out when i was a teen, as did the following:) "all summer in a day"... great stories, but dark dark dark, as is this: http://maugham.classicauthors.net/Rain/
***
it rains here in stereo. shade draws over deep blue sky & suddenly all's portentous, pregnant gray, earth & sky are shrouded in cloud, & flash! the light show hits & thunder cracks, rumbles, crashes like heaven's bowling alley, olympus' trash company. it's not gentle, as in some of the songs above, but seemingly unending when it hits, tho also not ominous & telling of evil, as in the maugham story. storms here come & come & come, like the rain'll never stop, rhythmic yet erratic, scary, thrilling, elemental, primitive, yes, this is it: i'm living in nature & it makes a soul realize its own tininess, temporariness, aliveness.
in a moment, i hope, will be warm bed, w/rain tattooing my brain w/imprints of rest & sleep.
here's a good quote from the comic sage & songwriting ace roger miller, dear friend of local honky-tonk trucker-bard, red "suitcase" simpson:
"some people walk in the rain. others just get wet."

wow.

saw this & can you believe his vocals are live, w/o effects, & what kind of mike is that, anyways? elvis WAS the king. never will there be another.
this has been a weird, wild, lonely, lovely, fun, fulfilling, & frustrating wkend. i was so touched (in the heart, tho am also in the head, yknow) when my friend in pittsburgh sent me a song said to have been written w/me in mind... recorded on one track, haunting, melancholy... don't have permission to post it, but when i do, i will. then my pal phil previewed for me a sort of wild gene vincent-style tune that will be a real blast, i think!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ANGIE!!!! & blablabla

my little sister! she can't be middle-aged! but i guess if i am, she must be... yipes! and what a relief.
my little sister is a talented, dedicated, bright, even brilliant, self-proclaimed "creative basket case." she has always had the figure to die for, w/long slender legs, & she can really clean up: she can match an outfit head to toe & always dresses w/style!... she's worked hard her whole life, little soldier, hand to plow, sweat on brow (& she's needed to!! not just has she co-raised her daughter w/her ex, but she needs dough for the nice things she prefers!). an unfortunate but typical example of angie & i growing up: we both worked @ a discount movie house when we were girls. i recall staggering out of the ice room after some time in there w/a male co-worker to find angie scrubbing & scrubbing the lobby, working furiously... i must've been the most embarrassing sister, tho today fences are mended & i only want to help & love her, & i know that she feels the same toward me... time heals all wounds, & wounds all heels, to quote art fein. i certainly had my time to be wounded, & i deserved it, but now life is good & relationships repaired & what a thing life is, what a glorious thing...
i hope angie will be happy today. she has been downright stressed lately (a family trait: sloth & pleasure sandwiched by over-obligation & -toil). she works for "the evil empire," as mama calls it. she struggles to bring art & love & enrichment to kids who are being taught stultifying & soul-depleting rote. she fights the good fight, trying to guide kids from poverty conditions toward happy & useful citizenship. she's also studying to be an art therapist. so unusual! so worthy! she also just moved. she's also a good mom & friend. she also... the list goes on & on. angie is a hero to many! :)
was working on my brick pathway under a gorgeous (cerulean!!) sky when james called to ask which of his mad magazines i wanted. he also said he was building a giant papier mache head & a footstool made of old cowboy boots. so cool!! i love my smart, weird, life-loving & -affirming friends... at the show we did w/him last wk, james dedicated "roll 'em pete" to the dusk devils. they flat-out cooked that tune!, but the hole where piano goes was a definite one, to my ear, like when the blasters now do "one bad stud" w/o horns or keys, like "green onions" w/o the organ, "tequila" w/o the horns, elvis songs w/o elvis, "goin up to country" w/o flute (i know; that's the canned heat version, but that's the one i prefer), etc etc... then he dedicated to me "trying to get to you," which he'd pounded out of the park @ the elvis show. i was startled & flattered to hear him on-the-fly change the lyrics:
"i've been traveling in the dark... even up to frazier park... just to try to get to you... when i read your lovin' email, well, my heart began to sing..." [etc]
phil looked @ me & cocked a brow. "REAL-ly..." he chuckled...
"NO!!" i replied, embarrassed but happy.
am a very lucky person to have friends like these, brothers & sister, we. heck, to have friends at all! to have loved ones! i know they say keep your friends close & enemies closer, but i'd just much rather concentrate on the former. this life is too short to do otherwise!; we mustn't waste one more bit of energy on the others... unless they need our help & ask for it & we can give it w/o disparagement or expectation...
oh! i spot the quail on the hill opposite this picture window! i look out from here onto a mountainside, across the arroyo that demarcates the east side of my property... each morning i get to watch butterflies, blue birds, domestic cats who prowl the hill w/delusions of liondom, & lately, my favorites: a bevy of fat, top-hatted california quail, peeping & chirping & bobbing as they strut around & take their dirt baths... they're like a group of old men standing around smoking. this place is delightful for sites like that, & so much more!
back to fellow humans... i pray these steps i'm working will result in a clean & honest new person w/insides matching outsides. i know i have great capacity for love, & despair, & what lies between... but to respect & honor each person on my path of life, that's the goal. that's the goal. that's the goal. time to roll.
(addendum: yes, i know this has all been about me... but this IS my blog, of tiny -- if that -- import, written bc i so love to write. please, if you read this & judge me,or even if you don't, please start your own blog so that i can read it!)