bwhahhahahahaha!! yaaaaaay!!! hack sputter cough... s&%t!!

geez, the last 4 nights or so, SOMETHING keeps waking me up in the mid-morn between 3-4:30 -- the wind, the cat, an animal yowling, a loud car -- & then the hacking & retching & coughing & spewing starts... bah! phlegm! (what an accurately crappy yucky onomatopoeic word, huh?!) i think i've used 2 boxes of kleenex since thursday...  wasn't well enough to go with james this weekend, but got to help mom & dad clean their new house & yard today & eat the most delicious food. yesterday i noted that moderate exercise seemed to break up my cold some, so this eve i went for my 1st run in the open spaces around here & it was PERFECT!! the terrain, the hills, the quiet, the breeze, the sky, the colors of the land, the wide, wide sunset... PERFECT!! came back & logged it on u.s. track & field's map it feature, which if you don't know about, is AWESOME. mama called, "why are you being so silly?" and i realized i was singing corny country-western songs way too loud & laughing to myself like a nut... "endorphins!" i called back... hubby's on his way back from music festival & we are going to do MAJOR grocery shopping, i guess tomorrow... hope to get to the kern county fair before it closes -- tonight, friend tammy l was celebrating her "27th" birthday at the fair, at the joan jett concert -- happy birthday!; bummed the LA fair closes tonight & i didn't get to go this year... county fairs are the best!
yes, all is well -- if you don't think so, go out for a little jog, run, or stroll! :D :D :D :D

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

jenny page reading doctorow

james page being awesome

 don't mean to make anyone vomit, but last weekend he took this pic of me & then i took the one of him & i want to post them.  then i was on his computer mixing music & making videos & found pix of a fun trip we took to burbank many months back, so i'm gonna post those below, too cause heck, i wanna remember this stuff. we like places like burbank w/all its junk & antique stores, places to eat, streets to walk, plus "industry" stores...
yeppers, the best days are now, & lie ahead...

(ok, what else can i do to stall so i don't have to get dressed & go to town?)

point of no return, jenny & the phantoms

the vagabond kitty just woke me up... crash!! but did she catch a mouse? oh, noooo! anyways, so here are 5 songs to listen to, recorded aug 15, the best i do on my own w/no patience, no guitarist, & no professional playing/production. great pumpkin bless online video converter programs for enabling me to compress & upload this mac-created beast, which in original form was an enormous file! (btw, james wrote one verse of "21 days"!)

earlier i got my behind up from the sick bed to go to the post office, where saw my 1st jerusalem beetle -- a fat shiny shelled monster! -- parked hissingly (tho they really don't hiss) right by our box! their name also is "nino de la tierra" or child of the earth insect... weird! creepy! my sister gulped in text, sent a pic, "what is THAT?!?"... james & friends from socal readily identified it -- guess they're common there, tho i don't think in the central valley... yech... glad i didn't step on it. not only wouldn't i have, just cause it was such an unusual sight for me, but bc it would've made an enormous squish, plus i read they emit a smell like a diaper, PLUS james said they deliver a nasty bite!
well, that's the huge excitement of today (yesterday); hoping tomorrow (today) to feel weller [sic]...

the truth!!

- the video from yesterday got lopped off so all that's left is the part i was supposed to do, anyways! hahaa! thank you, universe! :D my recounting of phil alvin's magnificent, moving singing at the music goes bang! festival, which inspired us near-to tears, as well as hype for this weekend's rockin' blues fest in kernville, will just have to go unseen cause ah! i got sick! not well enough to do much big talking, not to mention cannot! rats! stupid wind! stupid cold, painful earache, runny chafed nose, scratchy throat!
- had a bunch of good fun dreams in the new ultra-comfy football-field sized bed, on the up side... and don't have to punch a clock so have time to get better. yay! early retirement is boring at times, but then at times is jess right.
- talked w/hubby; all went well at his last-night gig. was so pleased to read line nine blues review's promo for that show, calling james "...the best blues entertainer in the world!... We all know it! It's just a fact!" as well as to see their silhouette poster of james's iconic physical figure... seriously, how many other entertainers of any renown/fame of any era/genre of whom you know can be identified so readily by mere silhouette? (mama noted bob hope; pretty darned good company, tho, phil alvin, james does NOT look like bob hope!!!). here's the poster so you can see it for yourself.... ok, gonna mix some music/songs i wrote/recorded & hope that the laundry somehow will disappear & the winds die down! merci beaucoux a vous! *coughcoughcough*

do not ignore the hand... the hand of fate... mwahahahahaha!!!

(the video i mention below was too long & i fear pretty boring, so i deleted it to redo later... in the vid, i talked about fun things we've done lately, being blown away by phil alvin's voice at the music goes bang! festival, seeing dear donna, then meeting james's eccentric & fascinating friend stanley... also mentioned the upcoming rockin blues festival in kernville, ca & showed a bunch of books as well as paper mache skull head, metal pugilist toy, james's black clay hand sculpture,  casper the friendly ghost lamp he got me, & played song of mine i wrote in '12 based on something really cool he told me at that time... well, now no need to redo video! :D )
typing this on james's computer as a video uploads... james's computer is so much nicer than mine, which is a real viejo! really should get another, but change, tho the only constant, is such a mudda, not to mention i'm a luddite as well as my dad's daughter: a tightwad!...
what's up? all here is well, swell, copacetic, peachy, sometimes crappy, mostly happy, yes, geez, life is nice! (now picturing kermit thee frog).. i've been getting to teach english at the local library! i love love love it! i love the people who show up to learn english! i'm getting to know the other teacher, & we've got the same positive philosophy about doing this! my spanish is about as good as the students' english, so that makes it doubly fun! it's free, so if you know any adult who wants to learn english, contact the library! next i'm trying to get some actual-dinero work w/the library, practicing my dewey, hoping for a place to show up regularly so i can use my brain more as well as get some dough here & there... been trying to cook some, be more domestic: yes, we're having some success in the happy home department, i think, me & him! mom & dad visited today: nice meal, smiley visit; they oohed over how much work we've done in the yard; james beamed proudly & gigged mama hilariously (she loved it)... we've been vegging out a lot w/the roku: little rascals, andy griffith, old movies... the other night we watched sling blade... why didn't bbt ever make anything else of worth???... reminded me how likeable john ritter was... james, of course, came away from the viewing w/a killer impression of carl (bbt's character)... we also've been getting a kick outta watching the office, which james's never seen... and that reminds me of two great movies we saw about voice acting, which we both still hold hopes of pursuing: in a world (comedy, available on redbox) & i know that voice (documentary, available on netflix)... blablablablablablablablablablabla
wish this thing would upload.
and now, a little song (you'll have to imagine the melody):
chingachinga, chingachinga, chingachingachingachingachingachinga
(no, not the mexican nasty chinga, but imagine a little streetcar or a small hammer hitting a tiny bell before a liliputian fight)

blablablablablablabla

i don't have a great voice, but it's really fun to sing. james is in his own category, being one of the best vocalists i've ever heard but also my husband, so i can't be impartial. but here are some other singers i like, in no particular order, in case you don't know about some & might want to look him/her up:
wanda jackson, lorrie & larry collins, little richard, hank ballard, carl perkins, chuck berry, lowman pauling, johnny tanner & eugene tanner, howlin' wolf, phil alvin, etta james, big maybelle, sister rosetta tharpe, tina turner, billie holliday, james brown, big mama thornton, charlie feathers, charlie rich, roy brown, big joe turner, little walter, clifton chenier, fats domino, rose maddox, smiley lewis, louis prima & keely smith, lux interior, slim harpo, sonny boy williamson, ray price, ruth brown, & professor longhair!

if i stay this mellow & happy...

- i will turn into dad. or a monk. or a guru. or something from pixar or disney.
or... just a happy human. i'm so grateful. :)
- i thought we had a lot of crap when we moved, but after 26 years? mom & dad, in process of moving, have waaaaaaaaaaay more crap! :D their new house is beautiful! they deserve it, too. we were poor growing up! their scrimping & saving & sacrificing has paid off in the comfortable, secure life they have now & so generously share! talk about good people... even if they weren't our parents! this world really is filled w/so, so many good, great humans, even if the focus too much is on bad, crappy, horrid, stupid ones... seek out the good!
- so anyways, we just filled up another trailerload & truckload, & i'm again so grateful to have the green hornet, my ugly reliable old faithful! (when i met james, he drove the mach 5 & i drove the green hornet & the blue demon -- which since has died, but still is super ugly-cute, sitting on the driveway waiting to be brought back to life. i thought it was funny we both named our cars after cartoons! technically, blue demon is a luchador, but  certainly those brawny masked fighters are cartoonish!) now we're gonna nap for a while before delivering this load. the new house is surrounded by hills to jog in & explore & from the house, you can view the elementary school playground. "i can go over & read to the kids once a week," mama said, smiling, & i added, "& when you're 90, mama, they can send kids over to walk with you to class!" what a nice thought. :) dad finally is ditching his arch-nemesis, the swimming pool, in favor of a spanish-style courtyard w/lovely fountain. he plans to plant xeriscape & even is taking a class. college at 73: i'm inspired! meanwhile, we've gotten lots & lots of good stuff from this move that will make our house not just prettier, but much, much more comfy... all are muy satisfecho.
- can't wait to finish helping here, then get home to thin out the house & yard so it doesn't look quite so much like sanford & son! it'll be a busy week back & forth helping the final days of the move, then next weekend, a fun event, a big music fest where james & i get to have a booth. i think whomever in that roots-punk-american music scene don't know of james will go ape over him: the modern man of a 1000 faces! i hope we can cobble some cool junk to sell & hear some great music... weekend after that's the kernville music fest; james & blues express play two times on saturday! i hope we sell 1,000,000 t-shirts this month!
- well, naptime for me... glücklick sonntag!

t-shirts! getcher t-shirts!

- we got the greatest t-shirt service right here on the mountain from a company right on our tiny main street! they are the good people who make the "i love fp" bumper stickers (on the back, they read "love god. love people." - both sentiments i can agree with cause why not?) i told the kindly owner/ screenprinter jerry that some batches in past have bled out some on the face & blues express lettering & he printed the image just-darker-enough that the shirts came out perfect, a much better representation of my original drawing! he also reduced the image size so it's a much better fit on most human torsos. in addition, he charged no set-up fee, a big savings! lastly, the turn-around on the order was just TWO DAYS! WOW! we were just all-around so pleased w/our treatment by "your t-shirt man," right here on the mountain. jerry says he does most of his jobs via online sales, so here's the link for you: https://yourtshirtman.com
james was very, very happy, too, needless to say. at last weekend's festival, the shirts sold like hotcakes, so we're ready soon to order even more!
we rested earlier & i had 20-30 minutes of the most blissful peace in my heart! i was in the moment, no worries, no fears, no nothing except a beautiful feeling of rest & calm & happiness! that is such a big deal for a monkey brain like me... the refreshing lovely wind blew its blessed soul through the windows, in larger gusts sighing & whistling some, & james murmured in his sleep, reminding me of w.c. fields, "tell that man to stop blowing his horn..." :)
he's going to kick butt & take names tonight (friday) in long beach city at gallagher's, tomorrow at the regal in lakewood, just a little north. go to www.whiteboyjames.com for the scoop/poop/whoopdeedoop on the greatest living frontman (since little richard is retired, that is...).
and now it's time for me to go read books & play some joplin & later, when the sun wanes some, pull weeds in the lovely luster of eve. :D
(ps - when i was a young person, i had great interest in things morbid & little interest in animals & poetry. so glad the poles have flipped! here are some poems i read yesterday, some new to me, some not. hope you love them, too! invictus IF the thousandth man a prayer a psalm of life )

just don't feel like writing lately!

feeling very mellow.
in the distance down in the holler across the way a person is singing, or rather, howling an impassioned song in spanish. :)
the cat came to visit this morn, silky, long-bodied, tawny thing, & lapped up a little milk. yesterday, my favorite visiting black dog wiggled & leaped & wagged his way into the house; i cobbled together some grub for him, he slurped it up hungrily, then actually jumped up on the couch, the sweet wild thing, finally bolting out the door on to more adventures.
that's about it except i wish you could hear this guy yowling. it's kind of funny & wonderful.

lifelifelifelifelifelifelife

all is well :D

el viento encantado y blablablablabla

- the most enchanted breeze is emanating through the window, too magical even to be well-described! few things to me are as transcending as a clean cool current of air...
- it's a lazy, calm day up here, as are many up here. such a nice contrast to the busy, beautiful, invigorating, maddening city!
- last night i became bothered & preoccupied remembering a linguistics class i took many lifetimes ago, taught by an african woman i remember as having cast many a stern glance my way (probably cause i rarely went to class & when did, was always loaded)... i can recall through the fog of time & the fog i then lived in that the class was interesting. dammit! why did i have to be intoxicated all the time back then so that i didn't actually learn more??? after a lot of poking around online, i found this rather neat overview: articulatory phonetics ... i love how the physical mechanisms of speech are described in terms that actually seem to equate my human utterances w/the works of an engine. makes me feel kinda like the terminator -- all of us hairless apes who speak, for that matter. then i think of the cgi-heavy latest planet of the apes movie, so expensive, like so many bloated hollywood films, that entire countries could be fed & rescued w/commensurate budget. huge fans of the heston originals, we were coolest by the latest one & me, bothered, thinking how youngsters now are seemingly being indoctrinated into identifying w/avatars, w/commercial objects/products...  it's an old madison avenue strategy, sure, but the increasing phenomenon morphing the human self/gaze & inhuman phantasm, commodity: what kind of humans ultimately will be produced by this?
- then i think of... well, you know how the magical magnifying mind can weave & meander, so i'll stop right there.
- yesterday two very nice buddhist ladies drove all the way up here from smoggyland for a chant & a visit & our medical cards arrived in the mail & i went to a good meeting w/kind, earnest ppl & overall, my still-wont is to complain, but do i want to be right or happy? this morn we started reading a book together that used a lot of psychological terms & it just reminded me that if i want to see my life's problems, all i need to do is look in a mirror. same with the solutions. argh!
- i took this pic in the city the other afternoon & it came out artsy-nice, so here i post it. i've never seen anyone who sleeps so handsomely, as anyone who's seen him sleep likely will corroborate... next, a little piano, check my online sales, exercise, read some more, keep doing what i must to keep the infernal coconut from cracking til some magical next career pops up. I AM DONE BEING RETIRED!! I MISS MEANINGFUL WORK!!
- ok, that's all for now, unless you want a nutty but very nice person (me) to come work with you in the areas of music, art, writing, physical/emotional/spiritual work out, or teaching... when i am productively busy, i can almost move mountains! :D

don't go, jenny & the phantoms

whoo hoo! i finally found an online video converter could use to upload public domain video footage into windows movie maker! my computer is ancient, so it's taken some doing... so happy! now i can make crude actual videos, instead of the mere "slide shows" (said madeline) i used to be stuck with making due to lack of video footage... i wrote this song about a year ago, if i remember, then recorded it when we lived in southern cal, using sticks & tambourine, book & hand palm for drums. the rhythm's rickety here & there, but this is one of james's favorite songs i've written & it does have a certain visceral oomph, so here it is & hope you enjoy.

here's the video program i found -- it has some creepy pop-ups, but just close them & it won't mess up your computer (least it hasn't this dinosaur -- keeping fingers crossed!) may you have fun w/it, as i just did for the past few hrs! online video converter

what a sad & scary day

- prayers to loved ones of robin williams, as well as us millions, delighted, astounded, moved by his shocking, lightning talent & long-time courage in the face of depression, madness, addictions... he made statements about how much he loved his family, & i relate to love of family keeping one alive. how much pain must he've been in to yet end it all?

- many brilliants live with the comorbid cousins mental illness & addiction, yet live long, full lives. some learn to transmute trauma, sadness, madness into creative passion; positive, productive lust for life; a mission to help others who struggle! if you are brilliantly creative (or, like me, merely average) & also nuts &/or down-down-down, you can make it to the end of this life in one piece... moreover, you can survive & even thrive, showing those who also suffer how to want to go on living. you have a purpose, even when life hurts... maybe especially when it does!! you can be uniquely helpful to people who get the blues, whose brains are on fire, who don't fit in.

- we must never, never, never give up, even when role models like williams might seem to have!!!!

- requiescat en pace, bright flame.

 

jennycast two

am filming these w/ancient equipment in a language style opposite of how i write this blog. i edit & revise the blog obsessively quite often, trying to mow it down to EXACTLY what i mean, a lot of times trying to figure out what the crap i DO mean -- for the vodcasts, i'm just practicing talking off the cuff. between now & the next one, i must look up synonyms for "intriguing," i think!... anyways, hope you glean some reading or other good ideas from this.

"squirrel!"

in the pixar animation classic UP, is dug the greatest screen depiction ever of a dog? i think so... helping sister clean her office the other day, i stumbled on a photo of one of my former dog-children as an innocently adorable sleeping pup & a sob caught in my throat... at a meeting, a young man last night shared how he knows he must stay sober cause of his little son, how he can't go more than a few days w/o him or he just misses him too much & he knows he needs to be a good dad for the boy & our friend brahma wagged, "yeah, i feel that way about lakshmi [his dog]" to which the young man replied, "f**k you, brahma!" & all laughed... what i'm getting at is, yes, i miss my dogs very much, but they are DOGS, & if i turn my eyes away from this screen for only a moment, i can watch a dumb little squirrel booking it up the mountainside, fat tail spinning, & basically remember that fundamentally i have nothing to complain about or feel sorry for myself about... just went thru the grueling process of updating my resume, which always makes me feel both frustrated & proud. externally, i've accomplished a lot of good & solid work in This World, & i hope to accomplish more... while in google drive adding a backup copy, i found a recording i'd made of meade lux lewis's "honky-tonk train." it was my phone message for a blink until i heard it was blasting out people's ears & took it off. hearing it made me think how i'll get chagrined by my (to me)  plodding, all-thumbs playing (james says i'm cursed to know some of the world's greatest boogie-woogie pianists, then unrealistic cause i compare myself to them!)... but then sometimes i love being a sort-of pedestrian left-handed barrelhouse pianist, for tho i lack the finesse & licks of many a righty, i can steamroll the rhythm-boogie hand, which feels great, like a beautiful grueling endurance sport -- like a very fast & elegant runner versus a steadily-chugging long-distance jogger. yes, my playing's not fancy, but i can rock that 12 bar honky-tonk rockabilly-boogie thing for quite a long while before i'm worn out! and again, it feels swell... know what i mean, jellybean?: riding yourself to the edge, then driving further, onward, upward, no stopping, til the end & past... i'm sure james'd have a succinctly colorful & obscene way of putting it, but he's napping, so that's what i got for now... when you think you're done, maybe there's more: keep on pushing!
- well, that's more than enough... gotta finish reading those books so can make another blablapodcast... HAPPY FRIDAY!

"it was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."

(bet this is a repost... but i like this pic of us reading together)

pains me to say i know nothing more from the above classic, tho dickens' christmas carol is one of my top 10 most favorite novels ever (well, actually it's a novella). tale of two cities is not among them, but i do have a pile of no less than 30 books am reading/should read; will report next on this blog w/an updated jennycast once have gotten thru the two am working on currently.
was gonna write about the sheers, cliffs, plateaus, ascents, soars, swoops, plunges, & sweeping joys of this past week but am too tired, so blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla blablalablablablablabla
that just will have to suffice for now.
may you all who be reading be well.
anyone reading anything, for that matter: readers, be well.

"therrrrr goanna put me in the movies..."

no, not me, but someone the other night told james, "you could be a movie character!" he had just met karling's beau johnny tong & they were scrapping & circling around the parking lot like jets & sharks, if jets & sharks were fun-loving maniacs who talked trash & rumbled to entertain themselves & everyone around... james, johnny & karling ALL could be movie characters, i think. johnny is an unusual person for us to get to meet: an accomplished performer (magician in the sideshow tradition, featured on ripley's, for instance, sticking a snake up his nose), wingnut (firing up his eyes & laughing wildly to match james), & productive member of society somehow (he & karling do magic shows for children every morning!). "johnny is just so crazy & wild," she said, "people either get him or they don't -- they either love him or hate him!" i smiled; i do know this one. :)  her johnny, of whom we used to perform a song i didn't know was about HIM, is about our age but looks much younger -- he's chimpanzee strong & lean, & karling's lovelier than ever, i thought, seeming much happier. yes, they were so nice & fun to hang out with, a strikingly attractive match as i write reminding me of one time when art fein described seeing lux & ivy walking out of the movies in so-cal: "they cut quite a figure."
 i quit karling's band back in '12, when james's & my romance was in its initial roaring bonfire (now a steady, hearty hearth, thank you, good universe), but i've missed her & regretted having had to quit, hoping all along her new love & life were a comforting fit for her. there were parallels, i thought, between what happened romantically in her life & mine, so i'm very happy for her, & for me & james, too! :D
omnia vincit amor! ... et amor gignit amorem!
here are some pictures of my british friend & me as well as my handsome husband & his "new brother," who apparently is in the giant head club with james & me. (mom & dad always consoled me this way: "big head, big brain." since angie & karling have normal-sized heads but are both very intelligent, i don't know if i buy this, tho i appreciate the love behind the sentiment.) one thing i know: a big head, better seen from the back row, is the head of a performer, so i'm glad we have them! :D well, i'm nearly 47 years old today... good gravy! time to go get ready for visiting family.

superior, inferior: there's plenty in between, wouldn't you know...

... have been doing a lot of step work writing this a.m. on how superiority & perfectionism are basically just the addict mind's way of seeking immediate gratification (actually, the thought came from a hazelden title, the presence at the center)... such determinations are easy to make, where products are concerned, & james's computer definitely is superior to mine! i use it now as he's in his last moments of slumber to quickly update this blablablog. soon it'll be time to get up & hit the road!
mama had the perfect 70th birthday party. i could just tell, as it transpired, from her smiling face as well as the ease & happiness of events, it was exactly what she wished for! (-- tho 20 degrees cooler would've been nice for all...) yesterday eve, we had such a fun trip home, meandering & exploring, like i used to when i first moved to the mountain. so much to see in the smoggy south valley!, if at the least the expansive order of lovely agricultural fields: the beautiful darkly dancing grapevines, stalwart armies of corn, burstingly, cheerfully green alfalfa, mysterious soft fields of flowers resembling roses, except stinky (james hopped out on a lonely road to pluck one for our investigation; mom & dad soon will tell us what is the variety; we figure they're planting them in abundance lately bc they must drink little water... we in california are in severe drought, you know!) add to all this a grocery emporium entertaining as an amusement park (really!), an ice cream cone, a truck stop spilling w/american roadside culture, ranch homes & farm homes & barns, silos, dairy cows, cactus & palm fields, melancholy old trees, grand golden mountains, well, there was so much to experience & enjoy on that trip home, & don't you find yourself so often happily surprised by the small beauties this life has to offer?

- some pix: two joyous veterans (oh, how would it be to be 89 years old if one could be as mentally agile & well-preserved as family friend don?); mama, lovely on her special birthday, surrounded by loved ones galore; james sampling tortillas heck a mano; & how i wish i'd bought myself one of these aprons when we took a family trip to paris many years back... angie said i got one for her & mama at that time, but i don't remember a thing, typically, except know now i sure like the apron: it made me feel like i belonged & not think as much about the piano, how i wasn't sitting at it playing, as we spent all a.m. in the kitchen in tortilla & enchilada assembly lines...
who'd think that cooking could be fun?? life: a continuing journey of revelation, i tell ya...

well, there's plenty more to blab about, but i'm just hoping i'll be able to stick to the personal plan i just wore out my hand writing about: compassionate detachment, remembering we all are boddhisattvas of the earth, that i control this world no more than a flea on a log captains the log along a river; to be aware, accepting, take contrary action, blablablablabla, etc etc etc (ps - tonight, sat. july 26, is benefit for candye kane at don the beachcomber on pch in sunset/huntington beach, ca, 7:30-11:30 pm, hosted by whiteboy james & barry g... come on out, if you'll be in the neighborhood! my old bandleader karling will be there, & i look forward to saying hello to her as well as to laura chavez, guitar wunderkind, & my old friend candye, the most dedicated stone-cold womb-to-tomb woman purveyor of song that i ever have had the pleasure of knowing!)

jennycast uno

critique & addendum one day after posting the above: wish i'd combed my hair. wish i'd cut my hair! wish i'd smiled more. wish the song had higher volume. overall, tho, this is what i'll do, i think, riffing from general idea. corrections: i was going to post the poems to this blog (not video) & williams is mama's favorite PLAYWRIGHT.... onward, here's a terrific article about maria bamford -- my highly-recommended quick read: the weird, scary & ingenious brain of maria bamford ... in the '80s, many humans receiving mental health support had the rugs ripped out from under them. in the past decade, an increasingly interracial culture as well as gender advocacy efforts have greatly de-stigmatized issues of race & sex -- compare it to when i was in high school in the '80s: gays were "bashed" by the football team & the races at school were strictly delineated, causing my biracial sister & i considerable alienation.... i remember w/delight when as a teacher i started noticing the student rosters morphing as interracial kids appeared more & more: brittany rodriguez; shenieka schwartz; cody gonzales; etc... anyways, back to the point: i'm hopeful that increasing acceptance now is happening on the mental health front. 30 years ago, andy kaufman was considered brilliant, but also a train wreck:  hollywood didn't know what to do w/him. 30 years later, maria bamford is breaking out into stardom, better understood & therefore receiving the recognition her unusual talent deserves. groups like NAMI, WWP, media attention to TBI & acceptance & even adoration of performers like bamford, i hope, all evidence a movement of healing.
i watched the documentary last night of two minds, about bipolar "disorder": to paraphrase, "that ['crazy'] person is your sister. that person is your mother. that person is your husband, your friend." that person is you. that person deserves to be accepted, not rejected, supported, not abandoned.
(she now steps down from soapbox to go do the dishes.)

bad dreams, sore back, bit of crumbcake

- i woke this morning to a stupid bad dream brought on, i'm sure, by pain from stupid hurt back & maybe that 1/4 bag of salt-&-pepper popcorn i ate last night while passing out to the smithsonian channel... reminded me of a very weird short film by winsor mccay (creator of little nemo in slumberland, so visually strange & brilliant, please, if you've never read or seen them, look them up -- not the animated movie, but the beautiful & bizarre strips by mccay!) -- the short is about a monster created from nightmare brought on by dyspepsia... let me see if i can find it...
- great jumping jehoshaphat! here it is! the internet is ever-astounding; so much for the hours, days, months, years of research it once took to locate a rare fact or eureka of information: here is that film, & hope you will watch it! dreams of the rarebit fiend... i spose in cases of more intense, high level, or arcane academic research, like the kind dad or alicia do, one still has to dig & dig & dig & maybe ever-dig to get answers that maybe never come... never give up, noble research nerds!! never surrender!!
- anyways, i'm just taking a break from yardwork cause tho i so love to be out in the clean air & breeze under the happy sunlight in the gigantic yard raking & hoeing & hacking & whacking & smacking (just kidding; little roy brown ref, you know), my back's been hurting, so have to measure my fuel expenditure so the engine doesn't crack... nothing much more except as i worked & enjoyed the breeze, pausing for a sec to look up & see someone from the fellowship drive by, look up, then keep driving w/o a flicker of recognition, i thought, it's almost like i'm in disguise when i'm not in makeup & a dress. then i thought of the other night at james's show when a nice man said, "i love your hair... but what do you call your makeup? is that goth?" his girlfriend slapped him lightly & laughed, "no, stupid, she's not GOTH!" and i mumbled something, & he reiterated, "but i really love your HAIR!" and when i had walked away, i remembered: bride of frankenstein.