just found out our little dog has a disease called thrombocytopenia. feel better knowing what's wrong, as is always the case. little worse than the waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop feeling (except having no shoes at all). she will be boarded & in vet care for 7-10 days. after that, we'll bring her home & love her to pieces. so grateful i still have my 1st penny so that our little dog penny may be treated. sister angie, saint of pets, said we should enjoy her for as long as we can, so we will. love, jny (& james)
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
just found out our little dog has a disease called thrombocytopenia. feel better knowing what's wrong, as is always the case. little worse than the waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop feeling (except having no shoes at all). she will be boarded & in vet care for 7-10 days. after that, we'll bring her home & love her to pieces. so grateful i still have my 1st penny so that our little dog penny may be treated. sister angie, saint of pets, said we should enjoy her for as long as we can, so we will. love, jny (& james)
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Saturday, June 10, 2017
hoppin' weekend for wbj
i stayed home from oc mktplace because it's a guitar competition, & what if i hit a clam while anthony's soloing? also, i need to keep eyes on bad kitty & hyper doggy. they actually were coexisting earlier, cat on table, dog beneath. tonight is sue's tavern, i'll be there, tomorrow's redwood room, i'll be there. hope steve will back me on my "manuel" song, which i think i'll play.
beautiful day here. windy. sleepy weather. just tipped over one of james's creations & spooked myself: it's a grimacing, bumpy, painted styrofoam head with mick jagger lips, containing glass eyes & a mold of james's own teeth, glued atop a styrofoam brick tower.
i tell ya: that guy!
this appeared in this wk's local paper. i didn't really write the article you see here; the editor did us a solid.
beautiful day here. windy. sleepy weather. just tipped over one of james's creations & spooked myself: it's a grimacing, bumpy, painted styrofoam head with mick jagger lips, containing glass eyes & a mold of james's own teeth, glued atop a styrofoam brick tower.
this appeared in this wk's local paper. i didn't really write the article you see here; the editor did us a solid.
Thursday, June 08, 2017
"we graduated!!!"
that's what the sign says that the little girl holds. i just love these children. this is the first year i openly said, all the time, "i love you kids" -- and i DO! -- the first year i took on in loco parentis, my educating duty, with great honor & responsibility.
today was the last day of school. the boy on the right hugged me & said, "i'm gonna misss you!" my two bad boys said, "we're sorry, mrs page, for all the bad things we did. thank you for helping us." i got hugs, hugs, hugs. a lovely 8th grader foster girl who has been in my fine arts elective came in, tears streaming, & embraced me. i've never had so many kids & adults openly embrace me at school. it's a different thing: they show affection much more openly at this place. it's not weird; the school's so small -- the kids really see us as being like parents to them!
we had a staff ballgame (i didn't play), & then, when the kids were bored, we went inside & had a contest to see who had gotten to know peers the best over the course of the year & i let the "winners" pick from the remnants of yesterday's class "store." they watched part of a movie. w/the whole school, they played in the water, including on a slip'n'slide teacher christy had brought. hilarious! then we had a pizza party & seven or eight parents showed up! i hugged them all, thanked them. we teachers lined up as the kids boarded the buses one last time & were told to put the bus windows down. as the buses pulled away, one of the aides sprayed buses & kids with the power hose. we teachers all laughed & waved goodbye. "are you crying?!?" christy said, & i said yes, i'm a cornball, wiping my eyes happily.the kids gone, the school weirdly quiet & empty, we teachers threw water balloons at each other, then i was home.
here's pix i sent out yesterday to their parents. i wanna remember all of this, so i post it here:
Our final school activity involved me/rites of passage (no puberty rites, obviously... This is a 6th grd class in a public school). Most kids gave short speeches. One group did their own "graduation" ceremony, since kids don't graduate at our school til 8th grd. These are pix from after the ceremony, at which I delivered a short speech the girls wrote, they each gave a sentence to the class, I gave them "diplomas" they'd made, then everyone tossed their grad caps, which the girls had made from grocery bags. These pix, of an unnamed group of kids from a California school, show the joy of the moment. It was a wonderful time! Jnypg
Tuesday, June 06, 2017
dog musings
i think she is some combination of whippet-pharaoh hound-german shepherd-maybe even doberman... tho she acts like a border collie... she has gotten out now three of four times. she looks like a black bullet when she runs, like a track dog, but smaller, less hyperthyroidish. i got home from the drunk meeting, a kid from school yells, mrs page, you want a dog? and there across the road is penny's big round eyes & kangaroo ears peeping from the kid's sister's yellow car. (sister is the polite, pretty girl from the pizza parlor bc this is a very small place & humans dovetail constantly.) they'd spent an hour trying to catch penny, who, they said, just kept "running up and down the road, almost getting hit by cars." they had to stop traffic so that penny wouldn't get killed. "she even ran down that road, mrs page!" the boy said, pointing to a very steep road to the south that leads down into the local "holler."
penny is an intelligent dog, but she young & frightened. they went home & got a collar, then finally coaxed her into their car with treats. after that, they didn't know what to do, so they were trying to give her away. dumbass me hasn't yet put a collar on penny.
at the moment i coulda lost her, i drove up & saw the whole scene. the neighbor was out, too, the fellow across the road whom i rarely see, as well as a local woman, looking worried or maybe judgmental or maybe neutral & i'm projecting, just holding her little dog & watching watching watching.
after all my thank yous & mea culpas, i was just too embarrassed to take penny out for our first walk. so now we're hiding in the house, the shame of the neighborhood...
yes, she has learned to jump the fence, and, as joe neighbor said, "once they learn that, there's no stoppin' em." my heart is in my shoes; he's right, of course.
family suggests dog run; shaded kennel, electric fence (tushi); keep her inside; call the dog whisperer. i am hungry & nervous. i haven't gotten to exercise since doggy came around. i am hungry & nervous & fat. i know all will calm down. she just has to get to know that this is now her home.
on the up side, peewee is sitting calmly, fatly only 10 feet from penny. after three days of tantrums (hiding, barfing under the bed and on my desk, trying to kill penny), he has seemed to be used to the hyper little creature. peewee is an awesome little guy, as is peeps the inside-outside man. he & penny pass by each other all the time w/o problem, two commuters on the subway. they've been around other animals; they know more about life than protected prince pee.
i think it's all gonna be ok.
time to eat something & not feel too fat about it.
penny is an intelligent dog, but she young & frightened. they went home & got a collar, then finally coaxed her into their car with treats. after that, they didn't know what to do, so they were trying to give her away. dumbass me hasn't yet put a collar on penny.
at the moment i coulda lost her, i drove up & saw the whole scene. the neighbor was out, too, the fellow across the road whom i rarely see, as well as a local woman, looking worried or maybe judgmental or maybe neutral & i'm projecting, just holding her little dog & watching watching watching.
after all my thank yous & mea culpas, i was just too embarrassed to take penny out for our first walk. so now we're hiding in the house, the shame of the neighborhood...
yes, she has learned to jump the fence, and, as joe neighbor said, "once they learn that, there's no stoppin' em." my heart is in my shoes; he's right, of course.
family suggests dog run; shaded kennel, electric fence (tushi); keep her inside; call the dog whisperer. i am hungry & nervous. i haven't gotten to exercise since doggy came around. i am hungry & nervous & fat. i know all will calm down. she just has to get to know that this is now her home.
on the up side, peewee is sitting calmly, fatly only 10 feet from penny. after three days of tantrums (hiding, barfing under the bed and on my desk, trying to kill penny), he has seemed to be used to the hyper little creature. peewee is an awesome little guy, as is peeps the inside-outside man. he & penny pass by each other all the time w/o problem, two commuters on the subway. they've been around other animals; they know more about life than protected prince pee.
i think it's all gonna be ok.
time to eat something & not feel too fat about it.
Sunday, June 04, 2017
stalling, stalling, stalling, keep them dishes stalling..
(sung, of course, to tune of "rawhide")
just realized i'm doing an old dance, doing just about any old thing so i don't have to start chores. blogging, of course, is one of those any old things...
news around the page front:
1. we now have a canine child! i named her penny for her copper-colored orbs. james fell in love at once, declaring she resembled a jackal, with her pointy snout & bat ears, but she is a sweet, not predatory creature. she is so polite. i fear she was someone's pet, though she's not microchipped & bore no collar. was she abandoned, did she run away, or was she stolen? i'll never know unless "lost dog" photos of her appear on social media. until then, james emphatically announced, "she is our dog." he didn't want to go to his gig yesterday, even! (of course, he never does, at least initially...)
a homeless woman by the kern river in bakersfield gave penny to my cousin mitchell & his lovely girlfriend gabby yesterday morn as they walked their dogs along the river path. the woman said she could barely feed herself, let alone a dog (& puppy) she'd been trying to care for for a few weeks. they posted pix of the dogs on social media; the puppy immediately was adopted, but nervous penny, no. they feared they'd have to take her to the pound. i mentioned interest in seeing the dog, & one hour later, mitchell, gabbie, & cousin abi, she of the red mane & long legs, a brainy faux-brazilian, showed up here in frazier park with pup in tow. they must've left bako the minute i 'd said i'd like to see the dog!
now she is ours, & we are happy, but peewee the possessive kitty is not.
last night at 4 am, he barfed under the bed in protest. this morn, i swear he was trying to slide a rock off the desk to clobber the dog sleeping peacefully below. "they're like garfield & opie!" wrote cousin mary fafa. "they'll get used to each other," wrote cousin tushi in texas (she has many, many animal children, & should know).
2. we already had been adopted by a semi-feral cat, two weeks or so ago. he is vulpine in appearance, i think, more ancient-looking than adorable-plushy peewee of the foul temperament. i pretty much know, because it happens here a lot, that peeps the kitty was dumped off by someone. we live beside a dry arroyo, & one time in particular, i saw a car squeal away & an adorable, plump little dog go running, terrified, down the arroyo & out into the forest as i screamed, "puppy! stop! come back!" people who abandon their animals like that should be murdered. horrible, heartless pigs!!! that little dog, i fear, became a coyote's dinner. i still feel sad remembering it. :(
anyways, peeps came to us so clean, burr-free, smooth-coated, that i know someone must have abandoned him. those heartless pigs, however, left us with a good little kitty friend.
in short (as if i can express anything thusly), our animal family has grown by 200% in only weeks! animals are proof of god, to paraphrase my religious sister...
am so happy to have a dog, but last night, i dreamed about my gusgus, my beautiful, sweet, wonderful gusgus dog-bear-buffalo with the heart-melting gaze, whom i've not seen in 5 years & maybe never will see again. i dreamed i was holding him & smelling his doggy breath & drinking in those big brown eyes filled with love.
i also dreamed of picking up change laying all over the classroom floor (james leaves change everywhere; it just flies out of his pockets), the kids holding up pix of themselves as superheroes as they wore superhero costumes, then we're outside on an enormous tall-grassy field (one i dream about sometimes; it's near the sunny mountain homes of my subconscious), & i spread the sides of my coat/sweater & start flying, calling to the kids, "come on! try this! come on, kids!"
ok, well, i guess i have to go do the dishes now. (ps, i opened a yelp account & wrote this review of bro-&-sis's business as another stalling attempt. stop by the place, if you're in bakersfieldland. rescue grounds in bakersfield)
just realized i'm doing an old dance, doing just about any old thing so i don't have to start chores. blogging, of course, is one of those any old things...
news around the page front:
1. we now have a canine child! i named her penny for her copper-colored orbs. james fell in love at once, declaring she resembled a jackal, with her pointy snout & bat ears, but she is a sweet, not predatory creature. she is so polite. i fear she was someone's pet, though she's not microchipped & bore no collar. was she abandoned, did she run away, or was she stolen? i'll never know unless "lost dog" photos of her appear on social media. until then, james emphatically announced, "she is our dog." he didn't want to go to his gig yesterday, even! (of course, he never does, at least initially...)
a homeless woman by the kern river in bakersfield gave penny to my cousin mitchell & his lovely girlfriend gabby yesterday morn as they walked their dogs along the river path. the woman said she could barely feed herself, let alone a dog (& puppy) she'd been trying to care for for a few weeks. they posted pix of the dogs on social media; the puppy immediately was adopted, but nervous penny, no. they feared they'd have to take her to the pound. i mentioned interest in seeing the dog, & one hour later, mitchell, gabbie, & cousin abi, she of the red mane & long legs, a brainy faux-brazilian, showed up here in frazier park with pup in tow. they must've left bako the minute i 'd said i'd like to see the dog!
now she is ours, & we are happy, but peewee the possessive kitty is not.
last night at 4 am, he barfed under the bed in protest. this morn, i swear he was trying to slide a rock off the desk to clobber the dog sleeping peacefully below. "they're like garfield & opie!" wrote cousin mary fafa. "they'll get used to each other," wrote cousin tushi in texas (she has many, many animal children, & should know).
2. we already had been adopted by a semi-feral cat, two weeks or so ago. he is vulpine in appearance, i think, more ancient-looking than adorable-plushy peewee of the foul temperament. i pretty much know, because it happens here a lot, that peeps the kitty was dumped off by someone. we live beside a dry arroyo, & one time in particular, i saw a car squeal away & an adorable, plump little dog go running, terrified, down the arroyo & out into the forest as i screamed, "puppy! stop! come back!" people who abandon their animals like that should be murdered. horrible, heartless pigs!!! that little dog, i fear, became a coyote's dinner. i still feel sad remembering it. :(
anyways, peeps came to us so clean, burr-free, smooth-coated, that i know someone must have abandoned him. those heartless pigs, however, left us with a good little kitty friend.
in short (as if i can express anything thusly), our animal family has grown by 200% in only weeks! animals are proof of god, to paraphrase my religious sister...
am so happy to have a dog, but last night, i dreamed about my gusgus, my beautiful, sweet, wonderful gusgus dog-bear-buffalo with the heart-melting gaze, whom i've not seen in 5 years & maybe never will see again. i dreamed i was holding him & smelling his doggy breath & drinking in those big brown eyes filled with love.
i also dreamed of picking up change laying all over the classroom floor (james leaves change everywhere; it just flies out of his pockets), the kids holding up pix of themselves as superheroes as they wore superhero costumes, then we're outside on an enormous tall-grassy field (one i dream about sometimes; it's near the sunny mountain homes of my subconscious), & i spread the sides of my coat/sweater & start flying, calling to the kids, "come on! try this! come on, kids!"
ok, well, i guess i have to go do the dishes now. (ps, i opened a yelp account & wrote this review of bro-&-sis's business as another stalling attempt. stop by the place, if you're in bakersfieldland. rescue grounds in bakersfield)
 |
| you can tell A LOT about a person by how they treat animals. :) |
 |
| "who are you & what the hell are you doing here?!?!?!" |
 |
| this sums it up: placid pup; psycho kitty stalking a bird he'll never catch because the screen is closed |
Monday, May 29, 2017
yardworkathon & geargeargear
we have 1/3 acre. in the days before james was here, that was A LOT of yard to do by myself!! with two, it's merely a large job. fire clearance citations start going out on june 1, and we are not gonna get one this time! :)
i just heard a crash downstairs. sometimes this place is like the house in you can't take it with you, in which the bros downstairs would build, invent, & often blow things up. it's a wonderful movie... we played a memorial day party yesterday for the hot rod trio, & aside from playing on wobbly grass, all went well except i never really woke up. yesterday was a super-sleepy day for me from top to bottom; james, too. my "new" amp is already ready for the crapper; it's blown out after only four shows, so i need to amp shop. oh, golden problems: what a wonderful predicalament. the hot rod trio are a rockabilly act, together now over 20 years; james was in his first band w/HRT frontman buddy dughi, so there's the connection. both men also bear the same tattoo, which at that time james made everyone get or be kicked out of the band. ha! that's one of the funniest james stories, i think... buddy is a machinist by trade, so he helped james assemble my new stand, or stanzilla. i think it will last forever, with its hearty construction. :) some weeks back at shenanigans, the old stand went into critical mass failure mid-song, & no duck tape or bungee was gonna prolong its life. i finished the tune with one hand, holding the swaying stand with the other.
we both have to get new amps, too.
yesterday on the ride home, our pockets filled with gig monies, james got me a new amazon tablet for a good price. i don't know if i mentioned this, but while borrowing mine (w/o permission, i add), he somehow dropped it off the porch & down into a wheelbarrow filled with water (from melted snow), so that was adios to that one. in its place, i've had a lower-end product which hasn't really cut it, tho once again, i just realized, with the death of that last one two days ago (i dropped it; it was crappy; it died), i've again lost about 5-6 song ideas.
drat!
he's calling me; he's singing his version of a song i wrote years ago, "mysterious." i saw a list on this computer of songs that look like they're for a new album. yay!
james is many, many things, but prompt, he's not. if the album is getting closer, well, wow!
ok, back to yardwork now.
i just heard a crash downstairs. sometimes this place is like the house in you can't take it with you, in which the bros downstairs would build, invent, & often blow things up. it's a wonderful movie... we played a memorial day party yesterday for the hot rod trio, & aside from playing on wobbly grass, all went well except i never really woke up. yesterday was a super-sleepy day for me from top to bottom; james, too. my "new" amp is already ready for the crapper; it's blown out after only four shows, so i need to amp shop. oh, golden problems: what a wonderful predicalament. the hot rod trio are a rockabilly act, together now over 20 years; james was in his first band w/HRT frontman buddy dughi, so there's the connection. both men also bear the same tattoo, which at that time james made everyone get or be kicked out of the band. ha! that's one of the funniest james stories, i think... buddy is a machinist by trade, so he helped james assemble my new stand, or stanzilla. i think it will last forever, with its hearty construction. :) some weeks back at shenanigans, the old stand went into critical mass failure mid-song, & no duck tape or bungee was gonna prolong its life. i finished the tune with one hand, holding the swaying stand with the other.
we both have to get new amps, too.
yesterday on the ride home, our pockets filled with gig monies, james got me a new amazon tablet for a good price. i don't know if i mentioned this, but while borrowing mine (w/o permission, i add), he somehow dropped it off the porch & down into a wheelbarrow filled with water (from melted snow), so that was adios to that one. in its place, i've had a lower-end product which hasn't really cut it, tho once again, i just realized, with the death of that last one two days ago (i dropped it; it was crappy; it died), i've again lost about 5-6 song ideas.
drat!
he's calling me; he's singing his version of a song i wrote years ago, "mysterious." i saw a list on this computer of songs that look like they're for a new album. yay!
james is many, many things, but prompt, he's not. if the album is getting closer, well, wow!
ok, back to yardwork now.
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
"holy sh*t! play it, baby!"
(a comment someone left about this awesome video, "capturing the spirit of the show," james said. i love when he steps so iconically & confidently into the frame. it just makes the whole video that much more bada** cool!!)
whiteboy james blues express at doheny by james elliott
whiteboy james blues express at doheny by james elliott
Sunday, May 21, 2017
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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| marcie, me, donna. so nice to see my dear friend & her sister. one person asked if i'd put purple in my hair, another, silver! my gray hair looks much grayer in daylight! |
ps, here is a really cool pic of willie lee "piano red" perryman & one of his line-ups. we listened to piano red all the way to get "stage manager" stan. what a joy! what romping, stomping songs! what beauty!
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
blablablablablablablabla
-last night i dreamed i called james, & my former mother-in-law answered. "i've been wondering when you were going to call me," she drawled accusingly. my heart lept into my throat w/panic & i hit the end button.
-i woke up with a start.
-this woman has been gone now several yrs, so i guess that part of my subconscious just purged.
- come see us tomorrow at shenanigans, if you'll be in the long beach, ca, usa, shoreline village area. we'll be on 7-11 pm. admission is free, it's all ages, & parking is only nine thousand dollars. unless you park at the next lot over, & then it's free.
-testing is nearly over. i told mom & dad how well my "low" class has been doing, really buckling down, & dad sighed, "i'm always moved by how much there is to admire about children." i told them that i'm proud of them for trying so hard, the little dickenses, so i'll add dad's line to the reassuring patter...
-tomorrow before the show, james'll come to school to do marching & boot camp with the kids. being the most loud & verbally gifted person i've ever met, he of course used to lead his company (or whatever it's called) when it was time to call cadence. this was in the army some years back.
-i've been telling the kids about james a lot, like i used to do with mom & dad when they'd come visit school (easier for them when we all lived in the same town). the other day, we watched the blizzcon video he did for starcraft 2 video game. three or four who knew that old game gasped! i've told him he was in the army, a boxer, a freight-hopper... kids see through & know the real heart of a person. to them, james is a super hero, the dark knight, mister awesome.
-"is he gonna CUSS?" the boys asked excitedly...
-"oh, i dunno," i answer skeptically; "he could drop the 'f' bomb..."
-"yeah!" they yell. "mister page is COOL!!"
-"but probably not," i finish. "he's intelligent, so y'know that means he adjusts his behavior & speech around different people. like, you know, how you boys talk different to me than when you're around your buddies."
-"yeah," they chuckle, their smartness reinforced, "when we're around just the guys, we talk different."
-i woke up with a start.
-this woman has been gone now several yrs, so i guess that part of my subconscious just purged.
- come see us tomorrow at shenanigans, if you'll be in the long beach, ca, usa, shoreline village area. we'll be on 7-11 pm. admission is free, it's all ages, & parking is only nine thousand dollars. unless you park at the next lot over, & then it's free.
-testing is nearly over. i told mom & dad how well my "low" class has been doing, really buckling down, & dad sighed, "i'm always moved by how much there is to admire about children." i told them that i'm proud of them for trying so hard, the little dickenses, so i'll add dad's line to the reassuring patter...
-tomorrow before the show, james'll come to school to do marching & boot camp with the kids. being the most loud & verbally gifted person i've ever met, he of course used to lead his company (or whatever it's called) when it was time to call cadence. this was in the army some years back.
-i've been telling the kids about james a lot, like i used to do with mom & dad when they'd come visit school (easier for them when we all lived in the same town). the other day, we watched the blizzcon video he did for starcraft 2 video game. three or four who knew that old game gasped! i've told him he was in the army, a boxer, a freight-hopper... kids see through & know the real heart of a person. to them, james is a super hero, the dark knight, mister awesome.
-"is he gonna CUSS?" the boys asked excitedly...
-"oh, i dunno," i answer skeptically; "he could drop the 'f' bomb..."
-"yeah!" they yell. "mister page is COOL!!"
-"but probably not," i finish. "he's intelligent, so y'know that means he adjusts his behavior & speech around different people. like, you know, how you boys talk different to me than when you're around your buddies."
-"yeah," they chuckle, their smartness reinforced, "when we're around just the guys, we talk different."
Sunday, May 14, 2017
happy mama's day!!!!! & various "allures"
yaayyyy!!! we had a very nice day with mama in bakersfield: chicken, beans, rice, ice cream cake, then i slept next to james on living room floor under piles of blankets while dad, mama, angie, maddy, doug, & james all watched one of the latest star wars movies on the apple tv thingy... we got home at 4:30 am from last night's gig because someone kept having to go #1 & we also had to return scott lambert's pa head & we also had 3 am breakfast in wilmington along an industrial strip at an all-night diner, spire's, advertising itself to be, in quiet early-morn neon, "the pinnacle of eating." the friendly signage allured [sic] like a beacon at that hour of night...
ok, i just registered for the 50th bd half-marathon i'll do in long beach, so think we're gonna watch a little tv before my bedtime. this has been a super-busy week & weekend, with underwhelming dana point overnight school field trip; school carnival (james helped so tremendously, in mary pritchard's straw hat, his spectator "clown shoes," burgundy tux coat, & his friendly-scary-demented-charismatic shtick, playing "guess your weight" so humorously & broadly, drawing ticket-givers & wide-eyed kids like bees to honey)... then was last night's shenanigan's show, which went off like gangbusters.
at many points last night, we were cooking so hard, james & i'd just look at each other from across the "stage" with grimacing smiles & just yell "yaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!" we are so different in so many ways, but in some, like being gutbucket visceral performers, we really, really sync... krystal took these awesome shots: thank you so much!!!
ok, i just registered for the 50th bd half-marathon i'll do in long beach, so think we're gonna watch a little tv before my bedtime. this has been a super-busy week & weekend, with underwhelming dana point overnight school field trip; school carnival (james helped so tremendously, in mary pritchard's straw hat, his spectator "clown shoes," burgundy tux coat, & his friendly-scary-demented-charismatic shtick, playing "guess your weight" so humorously & broadly, drawing ticket-givers & wide-eyed kids like bees to honey)... then was last night's shenanigan's show, which went off like gangbusters.
at many points last night, we were cooking so hard, james & i'd just look at each other from across the "stage" with grimacing smiles & just yell "yaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!" we are so different in so many ways, but in some, like being gutbucket visceral performers, we really, really sync... krystal took these awesome shots: thank you so much!!!
Saturday, May 13, 2017
aaaaaaahhhh!!!!
pingponging around online, just made mistake of looking up my old "junk" email to see what would come up on google. pix of me "young"! aaaahh!!! didn't need to see that! me slim, in tiny skirts, no wrinkles, no bloating (tho of course at that time i thought i was fat & looked like a man)! drat! curiously, my "young" years were pretty chronologically old: 35 to early 40s... anyways, i had a wild life back then, i now realize. i was happy, however, that amongst the shots was a collage i made of dear friend stacy, who took her life many years ago, as well as elements of my old life i DO want to remember, for tho we're no longer married, my 1st husband was a good man, & we had travels & wonderful dog children... anyways, i type quickly to post about show tonight at shenanigan's, shoreline village, long beach ca, 8 pm-midnight. poster is attached to this post... james will kill, like he most-always does, & he listed me on poster he made as "special guest." wow! damn postermywalls... they watermark now "free" download version of poster. i realized too late, this time, a way around that, but we decided to just run with it this way for time's sake.. the pic is dramatic, but haunts me: that was the first time out in public for james & i, july 4 2012, & he was very ill, which we didn't know at that time... things are so much better health- & life-wise for us both now! :D
just mapped out a near-5k up in the hills around the house: to the water tower, back down, up west end road, around the tree., then the fast rocky descent back to the house.. gonna get my shoes on & go. have decided for my half-century bd i will do a half-marathon, since i did my 1st one at age 40... been reading about how much running increases something called "compression of morbidity," which means the amount of years you can live healthily (able to dress self, make own meals) before death. ideally, one lives fairly mobilely to age 90 or so, then goes peacefully in sleep... our family friend don, ww2 vet, james's combat-vet buddy, dad's close friend, age 92, will likely experience that departure. i hope the same for me & all my loved ones, tho very few of us actually exercise enough to meet that fate, likely... and i drink too much diet soda, which means exercise all i want, but i'll likely get dementia unless i stop... anyways, gonna go potty then shoe up to head out. lotsa coffee this a.m.; maybe that will curtail possibility of dementia...
next weekend: doheny blues fest! this week: standardized testing at school, thursday night show at shenanigans for combo... this month is killer busy for me. i have my sights set on the outcome, last day of school. after that, summer! the busy times drop off! music & travel, one month away. yayy!!
hope to see you tonight, if you read this & will be near long beach.
just mapped out a near-5k up in the hills around the house: to the water tower, back down, up west end road, around the tree., then the fast rocky descent back to the house.. gonna get my shoes on & go. have decided for my half-century bd i will do a half-marathon, since i did my 1st one at age 40... been reading about how much running increases something called "compression of morbidity," which means the amount of years you can live healthily (able to dress self, make own meals) before death. ideally, one lives fairly mobilely to age 90 or so, then goes peacefully in sleep... our family friend don, ww2 vet, james's combat-vet buddy, dad's close friend, age 92, will likely experience that departure. i hope the same for me & all my loved ones, tho very few of us actually exercise enough to meet that fate, likely... and i drink too much diet soda, which means exercise all i want, but i'll likely get dementia unless i stop... anyways, gonna go potty then shoe up to head out. lotsa coffee this a.m.; maybe that will curtail possibility of dementia...
next weekend: doheny blues fest! this week: standardized testing at school, thursday night show at shenanigans for combo... this month is killer busy for me. i have my sights set on the outcome, last day of school. after that, summer! the busy times drop off! music & travel, one month away. yayy!!
hope to see you tonight, if you read this & will be near long beach.
Tuesday, May 09, 2017
i don't float.
good heavens, this sinus headache is a horror... please abate, please go way, please be flattened by the otc i just took; wow -- what pain: reminds me of when i lived in bakersfield (blablabla)... tomorrow i go on an overnight field trip to the ocean institute with our students. three hours on the school bus through my least favorite part of the western world, orange county, then i sleep on the floor because we have so many parent volunteers (which is nice... except i SLEEP ON THE FLOOR!!)... then back on the school bus... aaaaaaaaahhH!!!!! AAAHAHAHAHAHHH!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
but seriously, i'm sure i'll experience moments of enjoyment amongst the cat herding & lion taming that make up a lot of my work. plus it's supposed to be a rilly neat place to visit.
i hope my pledge of "in loco parentis" will not be tested by some of our more wingnutty darlings, tho. one in particular, i love him, but i braced myself as if it were happening, picturing his mad little spaced-out face & imagining him impulsively jumping off the boat into the ocean, then me dutifully following him, for i must, i must, i must do all i can to keep them kids safe, & i will, even if i die in the process....
running is going well with my teacher bud christy. my hamstring injury is healing. the other day i did my own informal 5k in bakersfield, & it was super enjoyable! the skies were huge! i got into the groove. so fun to run again!! after running today, i got to have a "farewell" dinner w/james (since we'll be apart for a whole two days). at this particular restaurant, THREE of the waitresses are parents of students i have. i chatted with them all about their kids & assured them i will keep all safe. (and i WILL. just please, great pumpkin, let the group behave!!) one particularly earnest, chatty, & friendly mother, with whom i always talk at great length about her handsome son, sweetly comped us our dinner. wow! ... ah, headache is lessening; thank you, universe that my small mind must personify...
james finally came in the room (he's been cleaning up his mud room, a major chore, & you should see it! he has a million projects going! so creative & kooky & inspired is james...) so i'm gonna stop. just wanted to post these pix from dad's birthday in bakersfield the other day. dad passed out lyric sheets to "king of the road," "franky & johnny" (all 10 verses), & "hello ma baby" &, as i plunked piano, all sang. james stood alongside dad & mama, & it's been a great many moons since i've seen our dad smile so large.... james is a real blessing to me & the family. :)
but seriously, i'm sure i'll experience moments of enjoyment amongst the cat herding & lion taming that make up a lot of my work. plus it's supposed to be a rilly neat place to visit.
i hope my pledge of "in loco parentis" will not be tested by some of our more wingnutty darlings, tho. one in particular, i love him, but i braced myself as if it were happening, picturing his mad little spaced-out face & imagining him impulsively jumping off the boat into the ocean, then me dutifully following him, for i must, i must, i must do all i can to keep them kids safe, & i will, even if i die in the process....
running is going well with my teacher bud christy. my hamstring injury is healing. the other day i did my own informal 5k in bakersfield, & it was super enjoyable! the skies were huge! i got into the groove. so fun to run again!! after running today, i got to have a "farewell" dinner w/james (since we'll be apart for a whole two days). at this particular restaurant, THREE of the waitresses are parents of students i have. i chatted with them all about their kids & assured them i will keep all safe. (and i WILL. just please, great pumpkin, let the group behave!!) one particularly earnest, chatty, & friendly mother, with whom i always talk at great length about her handsome son, sweetly comped us our dinner. wow! ... ah, headache is lessening; thank you, universe that my small mind must personify...
Saturday, May 06, 2017
sadsadsadsadsad, waah! waah! waaah!
- so sad. so so so so sad!!! hate feeling this way. hate feeling like i'm on the outside looking in!! this is how i spent most of my life til i started drinking. then i was filled with liquid courage & a feeling of being better than everyone, tho secretly i knew i was much much worse.
- i've been vetting my blog of gross people i've known, & saw how after my first marriage ended, i went into an extended nervous breakdown, carrying on, (mostly) working, but nearly out of my mind with grief, guilt-driven mania, & sadness. the guy i was seeing had really convinced me i was crazy & inherently wrong. i believed it!! that was evil behavior, just evil.
- i'm emotional, not crazy. but dang it, i've always been so sensitive. mama always has told me to toughen up... it's never happened!! still get my feelings hurt so deeply. i hate it!!
- this morn after yoga i picked us up a box from the post office. it contained two fisher-price toys: james's was a see'n'say; he pulled its string & it began to spin: "the cow says moo!" we both smiled, then he rolled over & went back to sleep. mine? my favorite babyhood toy, the music-box record player. you activated it by turning the yellow plastic crank, then sliding the chunky arm on to the colorful plastic record disc, which bore raised rectangular grooves. you turned it off with a plastic toggle on top of the player, storing the multi-colored "records" in a slot (they always fell out & i remember them laying amongst all the toys on the floor in our room). this set-up was all so much more charming than the everyday battery operation the little device now relies upon. however, i desperately wanted to hear it, so james got me a tiny screwdriver & i inserted batteries. the little song started to play, & i couldn't help it: i burst into tears. i hadn't heard those little songs in at least 45 years! the sense memory that poured out was accompanied by no details. i just suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad, confused, & joyful. maybe hearing those songs took me back to the emotions i felt as a baby!
- was supposed to have an event today for the kids at fort tejon. cancelled it. james said, "look at the weather. you need to cancel!" and i did! i shouldn't have. i thought i was going to have a full evening; that influenced me cancelling. then it never rained!! and now i'm not having a full evening!! i feel guilty. i should've been there for the kids. most all of them weren't going to be there, but mama said i should be there for the ones that would. and i didn't. and now i'm home. i feel like a failure, like i let them down, even tho everyone i called sounded not one bit disappointed or surprised. the weather had turned bad... but it never rained. i feel like an idiot. :(
- tonight's anthony's birthday. i love anthony!! tonight the band has a super-fun show. here i am at home. james & i had a misunderstanding & i got my feelings hurt. not a fight, no marriage troubles, we have been getting along very well... but we had talked about tonight. he didn't remember. and i cancelled my school event.. and now i'm home... i could've gone anyway, but too many baby feelings welled up: frustration, sadness, so sad, so frustrated, waawaaawaaa!
- no one to blame but myself.
- a rabbit just hopped down a game trail across the arroyo. this morn when i woke, i saw more animals than ever out the beautiful window: flocks of birds streaming north; two chestnut-black-&-white chipmunks, so cute, jumping here & there; a dumb-looking little gopher scooting earth out in toothy mouthfuls as he burrowed; a lovely rabbit loping along, stopping to nibble grass; then the quail!, the lookout male, regal & funny & beautiful, keeping a watch as the covey waddled through the backyard.... a little cat has appeared. he is as sweetly friendly as peewee is antisocial. peewee, saved by james when pee was only about a week old, never has been socialized in feline ways. this little cat is different, so lovable, even needy, in a "normal" cat way. we named him peeps due to his squeaky mew. so there is much animal life around here for which to be grateful.
- this past week was teacher appreciation week, so two of our high-power teachers spearheaded a really nice daily thank-you for us all, decorating the lounge, nice treats daily, friday, a taco bar & "awards" for us all (their students colored them). the awards i received were these: cheesy jokes award; stageworthy award (for encouraging students to be ready to be in the spotlight); and (my favorite) lights up the room award. i am thankful for these kind recognitions. they remind me that i am appreciated, even loved, at my school. and damn me for cancelling today's event at fort tejon... there's not much i can do now except not wallow. and next time, just do it.
- james just called near tears. "i'm so sorry," he said, "now i remember us talking about you playing tonight. please forgive me." and i do. how can i not? i love him so much.
- tomorrow is dad's birthday. he wants us all to "sing songs." i have a plant for him, too. it's nearly perished under my care, but i know dad will make it grow lush & happy.
- i will read. i will rest. someday again i'll play lots of music, ike i used to in my "crazy" days. i might not play as much as i used to, but i like the person i am better now, & that's much more important.
- have a fun evening, if you're still reading.
- i've been vetting my blog of gross people i've known, & saw how after my first marriage ended, i went into an extended nervous breakdown, carrying on, (mostly) working, but nearly out of my mind with grief, guilt-driven mania, & sadness. the guy i was seeing had really convinced me i was crazy & inherently wrong. i believed it!! that was evil behavior, just evil.
- i'm emotional, not crazy. but dang it, i've always been so sensitive. mama always has told me to toughen up... it's never happened!! still get my feelings hurt so deeply. i hate it!!
- this morn after yoga i picked us up a box from the post office. it contained two fisher-price toys: james's was a see'n'say; he pulled its string & it began to spin: "the cow says moo!" we both smiled, then he rolled over & went back to sleep. mine? my favorite babyhood toy, the music-box record player. you activated it by turning the yellow plastic crank, then sliding the chunky arm on to the colorful plastic record disc, which bore raised rectangular grooves. you turned it off with a plastic toggle on top of the player, storing the multi-colored "records" in a slot (they always fell out & i remember them laying amongst all the toys on the floor in our room). this set-up was all so much more charming than the everyday battery operation the little device now relies upon. however, i desperately wanted to hear it, so james got me a tiny screwdriver & i inserted batteries. the little song started to play, & i couldn't help it: i burst into tears. i hadn't heard those little songs in at least 45 years! the sense memory that poured out was accompanied by no details. i just suddenly felt overwhelmingly sad, confused, & joyful. maybe hearing those songs took me back to the emotions i felt as a baby!
- was supposed to have an event today for the kids at fort tejon. cancelled it. james said, "look at the weather. you need to cancel!" and i did! i shouldn't have. i thought i was going to have a full evening; that influenced me cancelling. then it never rained!! and now i'm not having a full evening!! i feel guilty. i should've been there for the kids. most all of them weren't going to be there, but mama said i should be there for the ones that would. and i didn't. and now i'm home. i feel like a failure, like i let them down, even tho everyone i called sounded not one bit disappointed or surprised. the weather had turned bad... but it never rained. i feel like an idiot. :(
- tonight's anthony's birthday. i love anthony!! tonight the band has a super-fun show. here i am at home. james & i had a misunderstanding & i got my feelings hurt. not a fight, no marriage troubles, we have been getting along very well... but we had talked about tonight. he didn't remember. and i cancelled my school event.. and now i'm home... i could've gone anyway, but too many baby feelings welled up: frustration, sadness, so sad, so frustrated, waawaaawaaa!
- no one to blame but myself.
- a rabbit just hopped down a game trail across the arroyo. this morn when i woke, i saw more animals than ever out the beautiful window: flocks of birds streaming north; two chestnut-black-&-white chipmunks, so cute, jumping here & there; a dumb-looking little gopher scooting earth out in toothy mouthfuls as he burrowed; a lovely rabbit loping along, stopping to nibble grass; then the quail!, the lookout male, regal & funny & beautiful, keeping a watch as the covey waddled through the backyard.... a little cat has appeared. he is as sweetly friendly as peewee is antisocial. peewee, saved by james when pee was only about a week old, never has been socialized in feline ways. this little cat is different, so lovable, even needy, in a "normal" cat way. we named him peeps due to his squeaky mew. so there is much animal life around here for which to be grateful.
- this past week was teacher appreciation week, so two of our high-power teachers spearheaded a really nice daily thank-you for us all, decorating the lounge, nice treats daily, friday, a taco bar & "awards" for us all (their students colored them). the awards i received were these: cheesy jokes award; stageworthy award (for encouraging students to be ready to be in the spotlight); and (my favorite) lights up the room award. i am thankful for these kind recognitions. they remind me that i am appreciated, even loved, at my school. and damn me for cancelling today's event at fort tejon... there's not much i can do now except not wallow. and next time, just do it.
- james just called near tears. "i'm so sorry," he said, "now i remember us talking about you playing tonight. please forgive me." and i do. how can i not? i love him so much.
- tomorrow is dad's birthday. he wants us all to "sing songs." i have a plant for him, too. it's nearly perished under my care, but i know dad will make it grow lush & happy.
- i will read. i will rest. someday again i'll play lots of music, ike i used to in my "crazy" days. i might not play as much as i used to, but i like the person i am better now, & that's much more important.
- have a fun evening, if you're still reading.
Saturday, April 22, 2017
aaaahhhhhhhhhh......... running calms the infernal coconut
i just "ran" a 10k, the first "race" of any length i've attempted in 5 years. my time was quite slow. i have self-diagnosed myself as having upper hamstring tendinopathy after watching videos & reading, so started rehabbing myself at home, but i'm a flake, so i dropped the ball & it's sore again. i've been sick all week, too (read below about My Hero, who often is more tragic hero, actually)... i was slow slow, but i know i can get strong again. it's been near-10 years since i got into running. i guess this one i just did was pretty difficult, through the tejon ranch "conservancy" (how noble of them to preserve all this beautiful land Just for Us... tho i doubt their motives when they used some of that land for an outlet mall & now will jam in a huge town right at the base of the grapevine)...i just found this image of the elevation profile of the total course.
in line for the commode, we meet a bunch of amped-up women in matching workout gear who were hyping their obstacle training course in long beach... tho probably in better shape than i, they fell behind quickly, likely not used to the elevation since they live at sea level (they train on signal hill, which tho a steep hill, is at most a few hundred feet high). i'd be in the same boat if i ran in, say, flagstaff or albq or machu picchu. ha!
the course was quite beautiful; the "conservancy" seems to have a lot more water available than does the general mountain area... green, rolling hills; robin's-egg skies; black and dark green oaks; a lake; the shadows; the breezes: nice... i started off with christy & her daughter, but told them to go on as i immediately felt my hamstring seize. but i finished, i finished, i finished, & the best part of long runs usually IS finishing, unless one is strong enough to run endlessly, & then the pleasure is in the act... but i'm no longer, or maybe just not right now (i hope), that strong....
one of my dear sponsees just called; we had such a great chat! it's amazing how talking with another alcoholic woman can help me so, so much. related to our talk is this:
alcoholism is such an insidious disease. it breaks the hearts of all who love the alcoholic. there are a thousand ways it ruins lives. 12 step programs may not be for you, but please, if you read this & relate, i beg you to change by whatever method works for you. an alcoholic death is a slow, painful, ravaging misery upon you and everyone who loves you. jnypg (sober not because i hate drinking, but because i love it too much, to my ruin) http://www.a-1associates.com/aa/INFO%20LIST/20Questions.htm
(ps, normal drinkers, party on)Thursday, April 20, 2017
a character & a man of true character
just saw this pic on fb & was compelled to post, moved by james's kindness & consideration. i've been sick, home from work, even, feeling awful physically. he told me, don't worry, honey, stay home, i'll go down & do the show [100 miles away]. so here he is, holding it down solo while i've sat at home all eve... what a brave & awesome performer. four hours all alone (tho backed most expertly by steve kida on drums) when he'd prepared for a combo show. because he did this, i won't be sicker tomorrow; i won't miss work again; & likely i might even feel well by the weekend... i know many people love whiteboy james, but many talk in rumors & innuendos about him. i love james so much, & so please know, if you didn't (but bet you did, if you know james) what you see here is the real man, the one who'd do anything for a loved one in need.
Saturday, April 15, 2017
Sunday, April 09, 2017
must-add
this is what mike malone saw when he saw krystal's pic of james:
cesareo in the bakersfield paper also had noted the resemblance in a recent article he wrote...
vacation
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| big foot ton-of-bricks peewee took a siesta atop my tender organs |
 |
| this great photo from krystal would make a fine t-shirt image |
we're going on vacation later today. wheee!! five people will watch "the pink palace" here, & i think big ed in particular will be ready to bust any heads that come on our property while we're away... friday night was so, so, so exhausting. i worked 1/2 day, left cascarones & easter peeps for the kids, then hopped in car & went through traffigeddon to pick up james. the city traffic increasingly maddens me!! i hate it more & more each time!! how do people do it day after day??? (sing canned heat; be grateful for small towns & public transportation)... the formerly-workhorse truck has been problems, problems, problems: we ended up leaving it w/reliable jeff, who'll fix it & drive it back to us, thus allowing him to get some time out of the city, time to exhale & breathe fresh mountain air.
i took james to his gig, went to dollar bookstore, drove by a mexican circus, all lit up weird & cheerful (too late to go see it), had pancakes, then back to james's where the audience forgot to show up but he sang & played his soul out, looking like a film noir movie star, as usual... james is born to be in the limelight, i know: can't wait for his upcoming festivals so he can shine for the masses...
i got us a room at the ludlow motel past barstow mid-mojave desert. you check in at the gas station. the whole town is gas station, motel, cafe. nice! think i stayed there long ago, but can't really remember.
next day if time it'd be fun to dip down onto old route 66 through bagdad, amboy (with the photogenic roy's motel), then back up en route to flagstaff. dunno if we'll have time for both grand canyon (the main 1st destination: james's never been there, & i might's well've never been, w/my porous memory) & wupatki ruins... flagstaff's one of my top-25 places to visit, so i'm looking fwd to this... then on to james's fave, las vegas, our desired stopping pt being fremont st area/old downtown, NOT the gross strip... this reminds me, one of my books from dollar book fair is entitled elvis shrines; better check before we go to make sure we don't miss any.
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