happy valentine's day!!!

...to you, yours, ours, & my darling husband. we were reflecting on last yr at this time & feeling pretty warm & fuzzy about our life together. individually, i look back 5 years as well as last yr & feel not just grateful, but amazed by the quality of wholesome love & friendship happening these days. what an unbelievable blessing, truly!! this  is the last day of our u.s. trip (honeymoon 2 starring peewee the wonder cat) & here in this desert hotel w warm sun shining & happy cranky birds singing loudly away outside & james sleeping soundly beside me & cutey hell kitty biting my toes under motel bed blanket, i feel life couldn't be better! to you, the same (cue love boat theme...)

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vacacione

this is a great time for me, james  & peewee the travel cat. :-) here are a couple foetoes... tonight we look at the map to plot the 2nd half of our happy mighty fun adventure. :-) can't stop w the :-) :-) :-) :-)'s... :-)

el futuro es ahora!!!

waiting for signore page to awaken so we can embark upon Big Day numero uno... excited & sleepy! we've been nerding out lately watching a lot of smithsonian, pbs, & TEDtalks... the last in particular is so inspiring!! was glad to hear the more-cynical-than-i-am james say yes, he thinks TEDtalks is impacting culture positively, that it isn't just nerds who are being affected, but the greater population. i know francene my friend said this is the "age of the nerd king," so maybe considerations of more than money & materialism ARE becoming more the american zeitgeist (wait -- a zeitgeist can't "become"... i'm still kind of asleep). anyways, the best overall shows we've watched, in my opinion, are PBS's futurestates. here's a link so you can WATCH ALL OF THEM RIGHT NOW!!
these are some of the best short films i've seen in a long while. as a collection, they are overall THE best! my favorites, tho some are quite dystopian, are these: "a robot walks into a bar," "tent city," "worker drone," & the greatest one of all, "PLASTIC BAG"!!! i laughed & chuckled & felt all warm & fuzzy inside thru the whole film; if you're like me, an enormous fan of the great, over-analytical, eccentric, brave, crazy, ponderous, wonderful director herzog, you will love love love "plastic bag."
hope you enjoy the films. times to go awaken the great one now (& i don't mean gleason!!)

very excited very excited very excited very excited!!!

so much fun coming up... have to take a break from computer bc am getting too manic thinking about it all.

"whiteboy" james page photographed by jenny page (shpoush)

this week: a consolidating, positive change that also will save us moolah. after that, freedom! freedom! freedom & music! (and peewee...) don't mean to be coy or covert here, but shouldn't write about specifics til they're over &/or on so i don't jinx anything... but am so thrilled, must mention a bit that good things are afoot! yes, invigorating, pleasing, adventurous things are afoot for james & me, & we'll share that spirit w/others, to be sho!!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

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panoramic view from hills NE of bakersfield on a lovely jog

it makes hiking/jogging/running even so, so much more fun, giving many exciting measurements in real time. only problem is, my speed has gone way down as i stop 984 times on each run to check my stats.  uphills are much less difficult when you can see your altitude inching upward w/each muscly heart-pounding foot strike. this is a cannonball glute-inducing method! it's lovely to feel strong, as james would attest; "we're not doing bad at all for our age!" he said.
tomorrow peewee kitty will be snipped & then maybe will garner some tiny semblance of feline sanity, if such a thing's possible. with reduced testosterone levels, he may gentle down enough that we can start him on leash training. my former bandleader & nowaday friend karling used to go everyplace with her black cat baby on leash & i thought it was just another marker of her eccentric ways... now, tho, i know when you're traveling all the time, it's just practical to make sure gato is as domesticated as is possible to domesticate a tiny tiger!!
about time to go finish the final episodes of united states of tara on netflix. toni collette in the title role is a gangly, glamorous/grotesque, labile kind of actress, & the other actors, too, are really swell, really making the show. tho the dialogue's gotten increasingly arch & artificial as the series has progressed, & i don't like collette's interpretation of a most recent "alter" (too broad, in my opinion, to be frightening), i've enjoyed gluttoning out on the show, stuffing myself into a stupor on the entire three seasons in a week. w/its unlimited access to streaming tv series, one to umpteen seasons, netflix has created a new form of binging -- just what we americans need. i guess for me better netflix than any number of other addictions far more nefarious... :)
ps - the best movies i've watched recently on netflix have been these: tomboy (2011, france); we are the best! (2013, sweden); & GLOW (2012, USA) as well as monster (2003) on youtube w/an unforgettable oscar run by charlize theron, the film goddess from south africa. i didn't watch the last one for the longest time cause i thought i'd freak out & that christina ricci would be irritating... but it's a must-watch, most definitely...

happy birthday, elvis!!

am a bit too bored to configure an interesting title for this post... been creating activities all day so i don't have to do responsible things. por ejemplo: angie & doug got us these universal figurines for christmas, so i posed them & made a picture. always tough to draw w/mouse since i'm a lefty & the default set-up of most everything on earth is righty, but the pic conveys the message. used to be i'd toil for hours & hours to get a graphic image just right, but am too lazy to do that now... i've always figured, probably have written here, the bride had just come to life -- she didn't know what the heck was going on -- of course, she freaked out. if she'd had a little time to wake up, think about it, looked at the big cadaverous hunk w/violent tendencies, yes, but an innocent heart, she would've gone for him. years ago i wrote a song about the bride's side of things & that's how i met james: he heard it online, liked it, got hold of me. blablabla; i've written all this here.
our kitty likes peas. and sugary things. if we gave him booze, he'd become an alky cat. it's weird & wonderful how the mouse-faced, damp, palm-sized mat of fur james brought home now is this insane, beautiful, long-limbed, fat-bellied creature, very healthy. years ago, i had a dog i loved so very, very, very much, an adorable, sweet-tempered black & tan butterball with warm brown eyes, soft, floppy ears,  & cute, loyal, comforting personality that would melt any sentient heart. my cousin shipped him from texas & when we picked him up at LAX, he was just a little boy, growing over the years into a precious moose i called "my buffalo." god, i loved that dog & still do, my gusgus -- i keep him & his dog bro roscoe in a drawer in my mind's back 40 so i don't blubber over them -- but his development & growth to me at that time didn't seem miraculous, & this feline's does. every day, the kitty grows noticeably; we are succeeding in raising something! i believe in the next few years we'll nurse other creatures to grow happily & healthily, ones that actually will grow smarter. this cat's never going to go to college. meanwhile we have time to save for a being that will.
well, as soon as james got all the gigantic logs split & chopped, the weather warmed. i don't know if we'll have more snow, but here's hoping. meanwhile, it's nice outside to go for a mountain run if i can get myself to GO. those doldrums kill winds, causing sailing vessels to lose speed, & i'm not much different! least to make headway i don't have to throw peewee the cat overboard, as sailors had to toss to their drowning deaths their animal cargo in those horse latitudes. exercising's just a matter of DOING IT, & i always always love it once i start... once i run out of things to blab on about...
today is elvis's birthday; he would've been 80. my only connection to the king's through marriage: james's uncle gave elvis his first job, when the beautiful boy was 15, at a movie theatre in memphis i should know the name of, & his page family knew the young lad from then on. tonight, brother-in-law doug's movie will premiere at the maya theatre in bakersfield. it's a documentary about human trafficking, & i hope it goes super-well for brother; i'm proud of him, doing such good works. they're gonna even submit the film to sundance! brother thinks big, as well he should, since he is helping to save the world & its innocents...
well, heck, i've read as much as i can read, napped as much as i can nap, wrote as much as i can write, & the bills still need paying & the dishes still need washing... rats!
nothing more's coming from this coconut, so this is signing off from the lovely mountain... time to get busy. :D

feliz ano nuevo!

Belated wishes for a blessed new year from stanley the gingerbread alligator... we had a ball constructing him from gingerbread house kit the gias had brought back from schaat's bakery near lone pine. Stanley was to have been a house, o c, but james had eaten a part before construction began... well, our auld lang syne was happy, & was yours, too? We were loading out of his NYE gig down south when mighty gunfire erupted at 12 midnight. He informed me ppl in LA shoot off lots of guns in celebration & had me stand under the bldg's awning for protection. Home on the mtn, all was clean & below freezing, 14.5 at its chillingest before sunrise; we brought in 2015 w glowing fireplace, crazy cat running wild (he will be eunuchized [sic  quite soon & I expect his hormone-crazed rampages will gentle down), leftover yuletide treats, electric blanket, & roku reruns... did you make a realistic resolution? Mine is to breathe easier in 15, w many I hope reminders & methods to achieve it... it is a beautiful mtn morning here, so am off for a run to town. Happy new year!!

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blablablablablablabla, blablablablablablabla, blablablablablablabla! blablablablablablabla: blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla? blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla; blablablablablablabla blablablablablablabla...
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that is all. :)

Santa Claus - an odd & innocent film

this low-budget mexican-made flick was parodied on MST3K: i recently watched & enjoyed it minus smarmy hilarious asides via one of our roku channels ... it gives santa's setting & the whole christmas story a real twist: at his outer space hideout, st nick is aided by tykes of different nations who monitor earth's kiddies using devices apparently from pee wee's playhouse. they focus mainly is on little lupita as she struggles against mean old scratch because "i don't want to be evil;" the tiny child is sincerely adorable, her story moving. this cult movie is to me a pleasing combination of weird, sweet, boring, & touching. maybe you'll get a kick out of it, too. (for some reason, i was trying originally to post a link to in the electric mist, tho it's not a holiday movie: look for & watch it, if you can!)
merry christmas to all... we ran out of the photo christmas card you see here, so i will post one here for anyone who wants to see one but didn't get one from us in the mail as well as a picture sister angie sent me. my heart soars that, tho she has become so firmly religious, angie retains her demented humor. she is a true gia... to paraphrase elvis, let's make "everyday be like christmas..."

A Christmas Carol (1984 Full Film)

you gotta watch this, if you haven't... he makes the best scrooge ever, i think. also, please read the novella, if you've not. what a beautiful piece of literature! here it is!

you better watch out, you better not cry...

i volunteer at the local thrift store, "name your price," the brainchild of dave, r.i.p., a hardworking man resembling a jolly old elf who hinted he had been a bad man in another life & was doing his scavenging/junking/thrifting as life amends (the store benefits the kern county boys & girls club). a drawing of dave beams from the store's sign & the 1st time i saw it, i kinda choked up: i didn't know dave well, but enough to know he'd helped lots & lots of ppl on & off the mtn here when he could've just decided to stay bad. i get to organize the books there, which i just love, & jaw w/friends who amble in to shop, & find great bargains, too... anyways, just cooling my heels here waiting to make the next move. last weekend was fun, 1st heading out to my own gig (IT HAS BEEN FAR TOO LONG!!) w/the big manny band at a big party in east LA. i haven't seen so many beer can empties in a long while! - also, so many friendly faces i hadn't seen in decades, since the old days of the blazers & shows at the palomino in north hollywood. my former dance partner, rudy, was jovial & burly as ever, & tho in those days i carried on like a drunken underclothed mark-waiting-to-get-hit, the males who remembered me from that time were gentlemanly to the one. "manuel attracts a nice crowd," james commented, "so that makes sense." manuel beamed ear to ear a lot that night, & i was so happy & warmed by the kindness & enthusiasm we band members seem to have for one another, hoping to get more gigs together in 2015... we'll see!
that night james played gallaghers in LBC, arriving back to the mtn late that night, then next we traipsed to bakoland for a show in oildale. james played the pants off the place, & his rhythm section pretty much killed it for most of the night! john clifton of fresno's mofo party band showed up to visit his friend james & sat in on several numbers; he brought james a special coin, then i traded necklaces w/steve james's wife, who goes by "roadie" &'s been ill for many yrs. i don't know her well, but enough to know she's a real survivor; the trade & gifts touched us... we got to mom & dad's & dad greeted james at the gate like EYEgore; we sat, them in their robes, eating a late night snack & chatting a bit before they tucked into bed & i realized i'd never come home from a gig to the folks like that, waiting up, cheerful & sleepy & happy to see us & us to see them. quite special. :)
almost done w/holiday shopping. it's the wrapping task that brings me dread. gift mountain just sits there day after day, but i know i'll get it all done. both niece maddy & son-in-law james jr are home from college, we've been watching christmas movies & singing holiday songs, today we mailed off over 60 christmas cards (better late than never!), & i expect this will be as nice a christmas as ever... may your days be merry & bright...

yaaaaaaaaawn

just watched a very cute & of course naughty video of james & band today playing at the vietnam vets & legacy vets mc toy run... our friend alice was up there dancing & the video brought me a big grin bc her husband turtle filmed it, so most of the video focused proudly on cheerful alice & her shapely derriere :D ... hope james has been having a great weekend gigging up a storm while i have chosen to stay back w/hell kitty & our beautiful mountain & home. :)
big day tomorrow. checking here so i actually go to bed & get some zz's before hitting the road in the a.m. changed the sheets for james's return; put on the flannels cause tho there's been yet no snow, it's been brrrrrr cold! at tonight's mtg, ppls' shares reminded me how lucky we all is, now clean/sober, to no longer have that terrible heart-breaking loneliness & awful yucky crappy feeling one has when living in lies... my friends have two little cherubs & during the mtg one slept in the corner pink-cheeked & angelic while the other, cute as shirley temple, curls & all, in her little fringy suede boots, pushed a toy cart around, offering us coffee (the kid, only 3 1/2 yrs old, already knows her 12 step meeting decorum!), then hot chocolate, then "chicken with butter," then "snow flake cookies & santa cookies." yes, so cute, we all were grinning our faces off. how nice to have ditched cynicism. how nice to be sober & able to do dumb fun irritating boring sweet things like play w/hell kitty, not wash dish mountain, clean the house, then surf the internet like a braindead dumbhead, living the life i've always wanted, a whole & wholesome one that feels increasingly peaceful. so nice to peek back & see "high maintenance" receding -- dear donna, always one to pull covers mercilessly but necessarily, reminded me how it used to be for me & rather than get my little feelings hurt, i thought, yeah, she's right! but i'm not that way anymore... yay!!
so nice to start to find & feel equanimity. :) me & sweet marjorie talked about that the other night at another mtg. marjorie is a bright, bright spirit &, the more i know her, the more i'm happy to know her. what a fun friend! in fact, the more ppl i meet on the mountain, the more i appreciate living here...
today i found out our friend a.m. passed away after months of terrible sickness. rest in peace, kind lady, in her last moments protected by the lovingest person i know, my dear friend  j.c., as well as by a's son. a.m. was immersed in recovery & was never alone in her 7 months of illness; friends in the program took shifts along w/family to do all they could to comfort her... i contrast this w/all the ppl i've heard of who've died alone, lonely, bitter, regretful, or in other negative conditions; we who choose to live in the light don't ever have to be alone, & there's no one path to the light except to point one's face toward it, be it via church, recovery, spirituality, mysticism, exercise, psychology, education, meditation, service, renunciation, juggling, kindly guffaws, or whatever means of positive inspiration twists your twinkie, as cousin tushi would say...
happy sober bd, cheerful, garrulous brahma, surrounded tonight by 25 loving friends... both a.m. & brahma were & continue to be (respectively) such shining examples of carrying the message & service to others.
so thankful to be clean & sober, as surrounded by love as i choose to be, long as i stay "in the middle of the herd" & give back the love & support so freely given... bhavatu sabba mangalam... :)

buuurrrrrrrrp :-D

...not very genteel, but that's my response after thanksgiving. we had plenty of tasty food stuffs, tho it all wreaked havoc on my vipassana'ed stomach, accustomed from that experience [see below] to macrobiotic, water-rich foods! "maybe you need to stop eating meat," little mary france cousin sweetly said. she might be right, tho i will continue to eat what is fixed for me -- that is the only polite way, i think, even before having seen anthony bourdain's tv show in which he argues, rightly, i think, that (if not due to illness) it's rude & spoiled to refuse food one is offered, no matter how "gross" or "inappropriate" or ((shudder)) "low class" it might seem!... i came upon a bottle of tums while rummaging in the family medicine cabinet & mused how much it'd sell if instead named "bellys" or "guts" or something less coy & diminutive... james returned peewee man to the mountain home in the green hornet & then was off to so-cal to hook up w/his son, back from the centennial state on school break; i stayed back here w/the family & soon'll take rural transit home. am overhearing the fellow installing mom & dad's new dishwasher & thinking how each time i've had a repair or installation person around, he/she cautions how the last person did it wrong or a shoddy job & "good thing i caught this [problem]" & the fellow here is doing just that... here's a pic of james & i from yesterday; it was a very happy time, as you can see; our seattle-area family, bright, funny, humble, socially dedicated, & successful, were here, so that was an extra-nice bonus... unassuming uncle ralphy, who talks to congress about "the indians," was my partner for bocce against dad & doug & w/his first dead-accurate toss, james yelled out, "ringer! we gotta ringer!" he kept throwing bulls-eyes, all right!... aunt pam told me they'd gone to spain recently to see gaudi architecture & showed me a pic of a spanish castle, commenting, "it looks like bavaria, don't you think?" just now, cleaning out mama's computer, i found this pic from last year's trip to europe w/james & his sidemen, from the bavarian burg of aldorf, DE. after his show that night at jimmy's cafe, we stayed in a gingerbread-castle style hotel; james & i had our own giant suite w/giant bed & bathroom, & next morn breakfasted on the most delicious jams, butter, breads, yogurts, muesli, & coffee in a beautiful, airy dining area w/windows looking out on dark lovely forest. later (earlier? can't remember) that morn, james & i walked around the village & bought face creams (me) & christmas ornaments & thick socks & scarves & then before we pulled out of town, the band stopped at a pastry window & i grabbed this pic, which i love since it shows james's handsome, heroic profile & scott abeyta's distinctly beak-like one as well as a sampling of scrumptious breads & sweets the place sold... ok, that's enough for now.

happy thanksgiving tomorrow!

s.n. goenka, 1924-2013: who human could not love this face??

like you, maybe, i've long not believed the traditional thanksgiving lore, but still, this year i choose to celebrate it as a time for family & love & gratitude (& great food!!), not as the beginning of a genocide... there is so, so, so much for which to be thankful, both good, bad, & medium or mediocre! here is to "anicca, anicca, anicca," to equanimity & awareness.
a wise & wonderful human, r.i.p.
a beautiful & grueling experience that can change you for the better, if you take it seriously
i got to make a new friend in my roommate joyce; hike a 1/4 mile uphill repeatedly each day; experience searing, excruciatingly knife-like pain that gradually abated while sitting "with firm determination" for one hour over & over & over; turn over life stones & have ah-ha's while in deep meditation after listening to audios of wonderful goenkaji, who at times sounded to me like a grandfatherly bela lugosi; enjoy nightly "dhamma talks" delivered by wise goenka; eat delicious nutrient-packed food; see a glimmer of enlightenment... & write 10 songs clandestinely, on rolls of paper towels! what joy i experienced, to realize i could both bust out new tunes & then re-submerge into the deep stream of vipassana... thank you, good universe!!

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this halloween, sitting around so cozily w/family, giving out gift BAGS (for mrs gia can't give children merely ONE treat, or even a small handful: each must receive an entire bag!) to adorable & funny trick-or-treaters, i reflected on last halloween. we were in switzerland, & james played a strange gig at a place in zurich, strange bc in switzerland, bands must stay below 97 decibels... and anyone who's heard james & the blues express knows they are not a low-volume band! the venue was a very nice combination stage/restaurant, a dinner theatre, i guess, w/audience so politely staid, it seemed stoic... at james's more heavily-attended american shows, fans tend to lose composure so much, you could worry a riot might break out, or at the least, that you're gonna go blind watching the excessively licentious female fans do their thang -- james is "a bacchanalian," as my friend gita aptly said, a sorcerer of sorts: he can whip a crowd into a real froth! so the polite clapping between songs was, well, kinda unnerving, even frightening. there was not one adoring scream, raunchy, boozy swear, belching insult, cackling laugh, leering dancer, bottle breaking: nothin!... 
 but then on breaks, fans approached james in awe, widening their own eyes, pointing to theirs then his, astounding, "die AUGEN!!" once again, james had wowwed the people, low decibels, cultural & language differences be darned. shoulda known they'd loved him the whole time. anyone with a pulse MUST, unless overwhelmed by jealousy or appalling lack of ability to appreciate god-given talent.
afterward, we walked back in the brisk night to the hotel (what a room! so very sophisticatedly european, posh yet utilitarian!), stopping at a gleaming hotel snack shop to spend our few swiss francs on candy & munchies, milling amongst throngs of young revelers, all dressed in traditional garb (to me resembling robin hood). yes, it had been an evening exotic, cool, quiet, rewarding while this year's was warm, relaxing, mischievous, & loving... after 56 trick-or-treaters arrived in 45 minutes, we closed up shop & drove down the street to deliver goodies to angie & doug's house. mama walked up the front walkway as  james & i rolled out of the car wearing monster masks, slithering across the dark lawn like ninjas, snaking around the fence to the backyard (we planned to scare the sh*t out of niece madeline & her troop of friends), then waiting in the shadows, our creepy visages somber & spooky... unfortunately, the first youth out the door was charley, the most unstartlable [sic] of the whole pack. "hi!" she smiled, waving at us calmly. crap! our dastardly plan had been foiled by the most unflappable of madeline's friends!
this past weekend we traveled south for hubby's shows & friday night i had a fun nighttime stroll to gallagher's where got to witness james again at his maximum powers, the most amazing frontman there is, running a tight ship that night, kicking butt w/such fun & high-octane ferocity, his own band even was rode hard & hung up wet by the end. i was so proud of him, & he of himself! saturday i stayed back on kitty duty while james attended his 2nd show & i got to have the nicest stroll around long beach that day, finding a few street treasures as well as some bargain holiday gifts. i love the neighborhoods & architecture of the homes in long beach as well as the variety of people & experiences in that city...  i'm prepping now to attend a 10-day silent meditation seminar (NOT retreat!) i've been trying to get in to for over 8 years. people i know who put their everything into it while in attendance have come back new & renewed as well as wiser & stronger... i'm resolved to put my everything into learning all i can. we know thusly this will be life-changing not just for me, but for us, the pages, as well as for him, holding down the fort, working on endless projects as well as The Next Big Step, then reuniting, the both of us bettered by our separate positive growing experiences... i already miss him, & kitty, & our family, & our friends; i am trepidatious but also happy, nervous, excited & ready to be stripped down & rebuilt.
that's all i can muster for now; we have been passing infection back & forth in this late-autumn time of year, so it's time to go rest some more with senyor peewee, adorable little trilogy-of-terror hellspawn kitten.
we agree 2015, fast approaching, is going to be amazing for us, & maybe it'll be so for you, as well.

watching pbs show about the amishes, sick under blanketses, storming outside, typing on phone w 1 finger, more later, just pix for now

rushrushrushrushrushrushrush... awwooooooo!

helping folks, need to take a little breather, then big grocery shopping/entertainment time, home to hubby, reunion time for him & me (we've been busy), & halloween tomorrow! yayy!! here are some pix while my pulse slows...

 this is dad, ray, mama, angie, & baby me at hart park in bakersfield in early 1968. angie's not yet pictured, still being at that time inside mama. ray was mama's best friend in college; he went to vietnam, came back haunted, disappeared, & when she next found out about him, he had passed away in NYC, a happy buddhist. she gave me some of his buddhist lit & i was hooked. :)

 we have had a visitor this past week in the person of eddie nichols. he's doing super-swell & so is james. we  spent a lot of time eating, playing music, learning theory from eddie, watching the dumb box, & (them) sleeping, doing art, eating more, & having long, happy/heavy powwows while i worked in the yard, which i absolutely love doing...

 we celebrated two years married & had a great & fun day tripping around the santa clarita area, which when you get out toward the rugged hills to the east, is more interesting & funky than you'd think when you just glance the I-5 corridor orange county-like parts, mile after mile of mall shopping & box stores... teaching yesterday was so very fun & rewarding; i love the people who come each week to learn english as well as thinking up & delivering lessons & the interaction & awakening my spanish skills; i love volunteering at the thrift store, & organizing hundreds & hundreds of books & finding treasures each time; mama got me a lovely sparkly ring today, just because she's so mama sweet like that, & i was able to find one 1/2 the price of the one she initially picked out, which made me feel much better about accepting her generous gift, something i did not need but that she wanted to give me & how lucky i am (we are, all four of us, angie, doug, james & me) to have such a mama (& dad) right now; yes,so much for which to give thanks, & now it's time to hit the road again to shop the gigantic grocerystoreland at bakersfield's south edge to replenish comida supplies that were wiped out this past week... happy howloween!!!

 ps - this is peewee. he was rescued by james & eddie, & while he's no dog, or skinny, the world's most awesome feline, i think you'd agree, he's pretty darned cute. :)

bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!

i've had too much coffee.
was wrestling w/infernal ebay trying to upload pix of junk--i mean, precious treasures--to try to auction & my phone started whining wheee!!wheee!!!wheeee!!! in a scary emergency manner, like a guinea pig gone banshee. the screen flashed, "warning: high winds and dust storm approaching." aaaah!! those can get downright terrible in the central valley, stirring up valley fever, causing even more respiratory sickness! so i called bakersfield, but they already had all windows sealed up & it was blowing big time brown down there, said family. here it's just been high winds all day, cool & kinda creepy... well, geez, that's about it except it's countdown one week to two years' wedded bliss. :D things these days are shwell & i couldn't be happier, like i feel less anxious & neurotic than i can ever remember... i'm finally realizing that being rich in ways other than dollars, & sharing that w/the one i love, is so so far superior to worrying all the time... getting free, after all these years... thank you, great pumpkin/buddha spirit/good orderly direction/grandfather/grandmother/lord!
oh crap!! gotta run!! rats!! stupid time!!
have a nice wan

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i'm glad i take pix or i'd remember even less of this day-to-day blur called life. just dumped some pix into facebook so could grab most-easily this one of my sister & i when we were wee as well as the one of james as a fierce-looking young pop warner football player (what a game face!) & while looking at photos, i remembered all kinds of other neat things i've gotten to do lately which had immediately slipped out of my head til triggered by pix... to keep it short, right now there are great photographs by mexican artists at both the bakersfield museum of art & the latin american museum of art in long beach. some of the same photos appear in both exhibits, in fact! of the two exhibits, i think the bakersfield one actually is better, which makes me proud of my friendly smoggy dumb-headed hometown. it has its pleasantries, for sure. go see either or both exhibits while you can! also, the LAMOA or however it's abbreviated is free on sundays. :)
wanted to post the pic of angie & i cause it's her birthday weekend & i just love her so very much: she really is such a wonderful human. this picture for me captures what a lovable darling little sprite she was as a child (this reminds me: you should check out the gentle french film TOMBOY on netflix to see adorable children w/all their beautiful funny honest awkward intelligent touching ways)... looking at these photos, i can see that my hair's the same still, but my face sure is different now!; james, on the other hand, tho his hairline be now receded in a very striking & manly manner, still has that same face!
the other day we were talking about photos. only one or two remain of me from ages 11-12 to 16-17 or so. i just hated the way i looked in those blooming years of body dysmorphia, a condition that would stain my life from my teens up to my early 40s!! i'd look in the mirror & get a sinking sense of doom. i wanted to die when i looked in the mirror!! i would run from the camera as well as try to hide my awkward bulk behind anything: a placemat, a wall, another person, a book...
yes, i remember deeply the horror of puberty, realizing i'd never look like my favorite actors did (life would be much easier if i were a boy, i thought for years), that instead i was morphing from a rather athletic kid in 6th grade into a what-i-just-knew-to-be-homely beast, that the way i was changing was some cruel cosmic joke.
in meetings, people say here & there that booze saved their lives for many years. it was thus for me. drinking/etc decreased substantially my self-consciousness & inhibition. i took that drink, &, like a magic elixir, it granted me a sense of ease & comfort for a time, but then the drink took me... anyways... i write about this all the time, & it gets boring, but it was a big deal for me & still is & maybe someone reading this will relate & not waste decades of life in self-hatred due to something as ephemeral as the meatbag called a body. onward,turns out james didn't like his pic taken when he was a teen, either. he even destroyed most all his pictures, like i did! this caused me pause cause james is physically attractive. but he thought he was not. he, too, thought that he looked monstrous. imagine!!
knowing now my handsome husband also thought he was ugly makes me think maybe i was wrong all along. maybe i was just a teenaged girl, even if not a pretty one. i didn't deserve all that self-loathing & would be a fool to indulge any such thinking today.
yes, people go thru this & come out the other side. if you're going through it, drop the rock. you're ok just as you are. you are one human in billions. you've got this one life. get right-sized & carpe diem! and if you can't/won't accept yourself as-is, do something healthy to change your fate. "fall down seven times, stand up eight."
ok, off to organize books now, then hit the highway once again! :D

immersed

was messaging on facebook w/a friend who also is my piano mentor, a world-renowned master of boogie-woogie!, then talking w/james as he painted the porch about how immersed this fellow is in piano... what our friend said is true: the more focus one has, the more may be produced, the more may be created, the more one can improve, develop, flourish, blossom. (that excepts those who become SO immersed, nothing can ever be produced due to getting gummed up in detail, like a fly in a web, like happens during those OCD times...)
I LOVE TEACHING ENGLISH TO ADULTS!!! they want to be there, they like to have fun, they open up more & more with each session, we laugh & laugh, they ask more & more questions, they're learning a lot already, my spanish is reawakening, it's so gratifying & fun for me, i love teaching & have missed it so much... today is little angie sister's birthday; she's a teacher, too. my whole family: teachers! james said he'll come into class sometime.. he'd be a natural teacher, i think! all the dorky CLAD/BCLAD stuff i was forced to learn when a public school educator is now coming in handy, as well as stage performing skills... the more animated i am, the more they respond. james will blow their minds!
to empower myself so that i may help empower others: that is the life goal; to seek ever-elusive truth, but to continue seeking!: that is the goal! to ever-keep learning, developing greater patience, wisdom, accurate perspective: that is the goal. as james reminds me constantly, from hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, DON'T PANIC: THAT is the goal...
i love our lives. may you love yours.
(picture to come of me in front of American flag w/beautiful student marisol & her beautiful sister raquel, on vacation from mexico city, whom marisol brought to class because SHE THINKS IT'S SO MUCH FUN!! isn't that awesome?) nunca te rindas... que tenga un buen dia...