day 10 of plague, fun w/dusk devils, the stupid poison of self-doubt, the juanenos & dear grandma mary live on

this is day 10 of my plague. but i know i will get better. so andale.
1st angel said we were "too good for bakersfield" (she is so sweet), then randy flattered the crap out of me the other night after treating the band to dinner @ the crystal palace (where token okies played). we had laughs, a ton of food, mark & i fought over the gigantic desserts (the mud pie was spectacular), then said our goodbyes & it was then that randy proceeded to say i was about the coolest thing since sliced bread. he is excited about the band! his enthusiasm is so neat to see! i felt very grateful! :however, also a bit like a weasel, for i fear i'd prompted his compliments by being too typically self-deprecating (tho, in my view, realistic) in stating that if we DO have professional photographers shoot us (the guys've been talking about this), i would prefer the cameras be ABOVE my head, not below, the latter not being exactly the most favorable angle for a middle-aged gal... randy, what a mensch, disagreed & basically said i had no bad angle.
well, if you go to youtube, you will see the latest video from the elvis show. and i will leave it to you to decide if being filmed beneath the chin really is my best angle. personally i think the shots on the big screen behind me look much better! anyways, thank you, franklin o & art, for posting our video. am thinking of barnum now... no publicity's bad pub...
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suddenly pictured mama smacking me for writing all of this at all. she says my sister & i spend too much time worrying about our looks, & rereading this, well, i guess she's right! body dysmorphia plagues all american women to some degree, tho, says my friend. & lately i've been really thinking about a beautiful & talented woman i know named candye & how proud she is of her plus-sized frame, & how full of self-confidence & sexiness & awesomeness & courage she is & i feel a little foolish for worrying about this dumb sack of bones & skin "i" presently inhabit. so maybe if i live to be 100, i'll be over all this & will see it's what's on the inside that matters, & even if the world might judge me by my outsides at times, why the heck should i do that? how does that insanity help one bit? thanatos or eros: what do i choose? or rather, what SHOULD i choose?? life's just too short to boo-hoo about one's shortcomings. too dang short!!!
today we went to uc irvine, my family & i, to make sure we stay on the juaneno rolls. we went in honor of grandma mary, who always wanted to see the tribe, her tribe, be recognized. this is supposed to be the year it happens! am trying not too be too cynical about the whole thing, wondering why in the world the u.s. gov would give prime so-cal real estate to a group of indians. maybe in grandma's memory; maybe in the name of miracle; maybe in the name of mercy & fairness; maybe it will happen. why not hold the hope? there were 1500 people there today, a huge crush, a far larger swarm than the 100 or so they'd anticipated, of medium-hued & tan people w/long straight black or graying hair who'd traveled from as far as arizona, lots of people who looked kind of like my sister & i, several who touchingly (for us all) resembled grandma mary enough that mama looked so happy, & dad teared up, & i felt comfortable, & maybe these were our people, after all, maybe i DO belong someplace on this earth. the star people, the acjachemen, the juaneno band of mission indians live on, exist, thrive, recognize one another, & maybe in 2010, will be "recognized" by the united states of america. i do hold the hope, mostly in honor of prudencia maria antonia elizabeth ollivares forquera, who ate abalone & mussels & played w/her brothers & sisters & was adored by her father & grew up along the shores of san juan capistrano, then los angeles, then pond, then finally delano, where she became our beloved grandma mary, whose memory we so cherish & hold dear in our hearts. maybe for her & all those like her, the beloved & departed ones, the juanenos will be "recognized."

elvis show report

had been in bed for 2 days, but was reminded the show must go on, so suited up & waited for a  friend to drive me to the elvis show. he showed up late, so already i was in a mild state of panic. then we got lost! argghhh! before that, as we ascended the grapevine, i felt pressure in my ears & the left one closed up – whop! it stayed that way for 18 hours!!! when i was singing, i could only partially hear what i was doing – this is 2 shows now i’ve done not in good voice! anyways, the place was packed & you should’ve seen all the cameras flashing! people cheered & laughed. art had us do 3 songs! he threw his head back & yelled “yaaaay!” at the end of my babe. yes, there was a great, positive energy in the place. the guy who brought me said, “so this is your thing; you're in your element.” he doesn’t listen to rocknroll, but i could tell it was lighting him up, anyways. no one can resist the pull, the fun, the oomph of this music! he commented on how amazing it was that once i’d been a fan & now i get to be on stage. i told him that yes, w/much elbow grease, much trying & trying, much tenacity, i did get to be up there now, & yes, it was amazing! w/my sites only on fun, & by stepping into it & taking an active pt, i get to take a dip in the "stream of music," as phil alvin described it.
my band mates were happy. randy & i had a red bull shot; that helped my energy level for a while. we hung out a lot with whiteboy james, who is cute & funny & gracious & crazy-nice. “how’d you like to have jenny for a librarian?” he crowed, when told what i did. james has the rubberiest face & is totally into universal monster movies. he stole the early hrs of the show singing “trying to get to you”! what a terrific voice & stage presence the guy has! phil alvin sauntered up, emperor-like, in a red sharkskin-like zoot suit he’d gotten for 6 bucks. he planted his lips on my cheek & kept them there for a good ½ minute while my friend snapped a pic. wow! carlos guitarlos was funny & “a dirty old man,” said philbert. we took a pic & he prodded me & commented extensively on the size of my waist (small). i said hello to count smokula (who performed w/screamin’ jay-like nose bone), lynda kay, paul body, south bay surfers david, ronnie blakely, rip masters, greasey george, danny dean, skip edwards, todd eckhart, lisa, blasters, mike vernon, john palmer, jessie fein, lisa finnie, dave raven, marty rifkin, etc. etc. manuel was sick & wasn't there! :( john k showed up from bakersfield w/his lovely daughters! dave alvin came in w/his hollywood-beautiful girlfriend, all decked out in elvis leather. michelle shocked gave an eccentric performance, looking like the little tramp. groovy rednecks were hilarious, as usual! before carlos went on, art told to him to keep it short bc the show was running over, so what did he do? a 12 min version of “shake rattle & roll,” w/all instruments taking 2, even 3 goes-around & a sing-along w/the audience! these guys like to rattle poor art’s cage, for sure. despite it, art ran around w/that happy, glazed smile on his face. the joint was jumping! his show was a huge success! candye kane showed up in her feathery splendor & giant, warm smile & tore up the stage w/a fiery version of “bear cat/hound dog”! she & laura chavez & drummer, son evan, were nice & friendly & warm as ever. earlier, i’d heard phil alvin saying the blasters would do “american trilogy,” but i thought he was kidding. well, they were up last, & they indeed did do it! i was blown away… phil took what could’ve been corny, ironic, a diss & delivered it w/such sincere power, it knocked everyone on their ears. he never plays to the hipsters; he plays to the music. w/his magnificent confidence, “american trilogy” was powerful, so memorable! then, in a move that just killed me, they went into “do the clam”… i was blown away by the coolness of his song choices! :) whiteboy james & i stood together in the crowd & laughed & laughed, instand friends! then the show was over & phil drove randy & i home. phil is a bull! he had worked all day & was up near-24 hrs by the time he dropped me at my doorstep. i just love my band, made new friends, saw a lot of familiar faces, had another memorable elvis night. since then, i’ve been lying around limp as a noodle due to stupid head. tho the ear has opened up, i still feel pressure on both sides, as well as pain, malaise, bleh… stupid, stupid head!! again, if only i could get around w/o it, i’d be fine!!
happy bd to the king of rocknroll, & thank you to art & ronnie mack for having us once again at the show! :) i couldn't be luckier, really.

happy birthday, elvis; dusk devils in LA times

narducci's: mama mia's pix & the rev rocks

read below about dusk devils at elvis birthday show this friday, jan. 8, 9 pm, at the echoplex in los angeles!
last friday i got off the plane from nyc @ john wayne airport in oc & ran to baggage claim, where my sister, mama, & maddy were waiting. we jumped in angie's car & sped home. angie andretti got us to bakersfield from santa ana in no time! i'd been traveling for 15 hrs by the time i jumped in the shower. i threw on the nearest stage-kinda outfit & drove to narducci's. the rev horton heat's gigantic tour bus was out front; the place was beyond packed. the guys looked dapper in black; philbert wore the shirt i got him for xmas! tim gardea's crew put up a security gate between audience & stage, then turned on the floodlights. we did "let's go let's go" for soundcheck, then they opened the doors & people RUSHED in! this was the 1st show i ever did where i felt light-headed, prob from the heat of the lights, all the bodies, & my extreme fatigue. the huge audience, there to save their spot for when the rev came on, packed the rm & screamed & roared between songs! fantastic! unreal! my head swam; i couldn't see the piano keys due to the lights; all i could do was smile & look over @ the guys, who all beamed, & focus on standing up, not fainting, steamroll ahead... when i started to sing, i realized i only had about 3/4 voice due to all the cigarette smoke & my tiredness... oh well! the show must go on, & it did! :)
because the rev's gear dominated the stage, we played w/all 4 of us in a row across the front of the stage, & i liked it! i could see everyone. we gelled better. i think this might be our new stage setup! after, we got tons of compliments, & some more gig-bites, i hear. lovely mia grabbed me as i jumped off the stage & said "time for family photos!" i went looking for her later, but she was lost in the crowd; some of her terrific photos are here. 800 lb gorilla played while we ate some tasty narducci's chow served by friendly waitress & hung out w/lovely sister angie, the tidwells, & randy's & phil's friends. the paxtons were there, & it was nice to see them, too!
i hear everyone had a good time late into the night; myself, after eating, i poured myself in my truck & drove home. sleep didn't come soon enough, but it did.
what whirlwhind fun... i'm still wiped out!!!!

he'd be 75 this year...

we'll be on around 9 pm...
thanks again to art for having us @ his annual elvis birthday bash! we'll do 3 tunes then be off...

i heart ny, eat a whole loaf of ezekiel bread, & more happy new year blablablaing!!

-> don't mean to sound sacrilegious, but after flying home yesterday from nyc & going straight to a great gig & then waking this morn w/this weird feeling of surreality & opening my mini fridge hungry & wondering blearily what the heck i'd find & seeing not just ezekiel bread, but coffee already made in there, i knew there was a god!!!... today i've done nothing but eat nearly the whole load of ezekiel, read a dumb book (wishful drinking by carrie fisher, recommended by mom & angie, neither of whom are alcoholic, as funny, but i thought it was just sad!! - so full of self-loathing!!), unpack, & look @ pix from my trip.
-> THE TRIP! i was gone for 7 days & yes, what a trip! feel like i'm still there a bit, tho i'm happy in my little house, & it's swell not to be freezing anymore!!
-> these are some things i loved about nyc:
1. central park!!! was there every day, exploring & walking (broke it into quadrants, pretty much, & explored a different area ea day), tho the day i was to run around the famous lake, it froze, then the next, snowed... if i lived in nyc, i'd be in central pk 2-3x a week!! what a wonder; what a treasure; what a gift of the city to its people!!!
2. the rockettes!!! after watching the somewhat corny but magnificently produced christmas show at beautiful radio city music hall, w/its magical sets (especially the numbers w/the toy soldiers & where they seem to drive around the theatre district, & the gorgeous creche/nativity scene w/blues & & pinks & purples & live camel & sheep, even!), lighting, & dancing, i realized if a) i'd grown up a "normal" girl; & b) in nyc; c) i would've wanted to be a rockette! a rockette gets to dress up & be whatever she wants, accompanied by all her rockette sisters, & she gets to learn all these cool dance steps that must be a tremendously fun workout & she gets to be pretty & fun & innocent yet alluring all in one!! i want to be a rockette!!
3. the upper east side markets, filled w/friendly, down-to-earth people & your coffee made up just how you like it (they say "milk & sugar?", then fix it for you before smartly brown-bagging it up) & delicious cheap fresh food, like an egg sandwich on a kaiser roll for $1.50!!
4. new york pizza!!! folks say ny pizza is better bc of nyc's municipal water system: it's sweet, clean water. i thought, bull! how can mere water affect how food tastes?!? so the 1st place i went to have a slice, the italian owner, when asked why the food in nyc is so much better, replied w/o a hitch, "it's the WAWDUH!" i gladly ate crow cause along w/it came delicious nyc plain pizza w/just sauce, a little cheese, thin, slightly crispy crust... now the problem is that bc of that pizza, along w/the water-boiled then baked ny bagels i enjoyed, i'm RUINED & CAN NO LONGER ENJOY EITHER IN CALIFORNIA!!! (fortunately, w/my sieve-like memory, i'll only be ruined for a few wks at most...)
5. christmas lights & decorations everyplace! what a festive, magical place to have gotten to be over the holidays!
6. walking about 10 miles a day! (tho took the subway quite a lot, & cabs a bit less...) it felt great to explore everyplace on foot. went as far north as 112th st in harlem, as far south as greenwich village, as well as east & west sides;
7 all the cute & beautiful & wonderful dogs being walked everywhere, tho i wondered how those dogs lived, w/no yards & no real place to stretch their doggy legs... a dog is such a lovely & loving creature, & to see so many added to the yuletide cheer.
8. steam heat in the hostel rm, reminding me of my old 1920 apartment in bako... i love steam heat! -and along w/it, a really hot shower, wonderful after a cold, cold day.
9. the man ray exhibit @ the jewish museum!!!
10. the hostel rm, w/its cozy crawl-space futon bed, which you climbed a ladder to reach;
11. the sign at the airport when i flew out on christmas day: "FLIGHT 1225 TO NORTH POLE: Limit one reindeer per passenger"
12. walking in the cold xmas night, looking for a bite to eat, cozy while bundled up, w/festive people walking their dogs (i waited for them to 1st say "merry christmas," in case they were jewish, cause why be the presumptuous gentile?)... then watching saturday night live christmas & the office on tv in my hostel rm (i don't have tv, so this was a real treat!)
13. reading malcolm gladwell's outliers one night, w/its particularly fascinating chapter about pilot semantics & something called "power distance index" & another about why some people fail/are unhappy despite genius intelligence (i have many friends like that!!)... this slim book, a quick read, has much thought-fodder!
-> things i didn't like:
1.  THE WEATHER!!! good lord, i've never experienced brutal cold quite like that, even on the motorcycle trips thru colorado i used to go on! one day, it was 16 degrees & then an arctic front & windstorm blew in, painfully penetrating any coat layer, & suddenly it was way below zero!! @ times square on new yr's eve, i thought i was gonna croak from the cold... then it started sleeting!
3. the stress of having to change rms @ the hostel, tho all worked out bc i got into a better rm w/a view of 73rd st, even, so when it suddenly snowed dec 31, & when firewks were shot off from central pk that eve, i got to see it all!!
4. accidentally erasing my 1st set of pix!! crap!
5. crazy crowding @ the museum of natural history... the place was overrun by holiday mobs, insanely packed!
6. the scheister restaurant owner near times square who jacked up the prices on his food to rip off people trapped w/in the ball-drop barricade ($25 for soup, two cookies, a roll, & hot chocolate!), then not just closed his bathrooms to the public, but blocked the door w/a frigging pastry cabinet! what a jerk!!
7. this pop song about new york that @ the time i thought uninteresting & now can't get out of my head &, worse, don't know the name or artist of!!
-> anyways, that's enough for now. later i'll try to write about our awesome show last night w/rev horton heat. i got home to bakersfield from new york city at 5:45 pm yesterday & was at the show at 7:15. whoopee! what a day! what a week! what an experience! :) hope you, too, have had a holiday adventure, whether you went on a sojourn or stayed right at home. feliz ano nuevo. :)

dear friends and loved ones (and all yall),

here's a little card i made up for the holidays (boy, i miss photoshop!!)... this has been a year of big change for many of us. here's to the hope that in all change is growth as well as opportunities for reflection, greater knowledge and wisdom, and, ultimately, satisfaction and betterment.
i wish you happy, peaceful holidays and a bright new 2010.
if you're interested in our show w/rev horton heat and 800 lb gorilla at narducci's on fri jan 1, 2010, please contact any of the following guys for tickets:
phil hickerson at philman.dude@hotmail.com
mark powell, markdoodage@aol.com or firebrats@gmail.com
randy journey, randy@journeyac.com
with warmest wishes and love,
jenny

slog fog grog glog nog blablablabla blog

how be you? wed i started taking a med that has knocked me flat... after several days of going to wk, mtgs, LA, two gigs in a somnambulant state, mama suggested i 1/2 the dose... so now i feel merely groggy. toni told me the body'll adjust: the stuff's sposed to balance me, not knock me on my butt!!! from all i've read, i need to give it at last a wk. but what a wk! i'm used to being over the moon w/hahahas, wawawas, not near-comatose!! anyways, somehow i got to covina fri night & got to play a gig w/manuel, russell scott, raul, & then ruben showed up, too! me playing w/the blazers: who'd've thought, back when i was their #1 fan nearly 20 yrs ago? the sound took forever to dial in, then turns out the snake for the PA had gone bad, so they whipped out a little one just like mine, & it worked fine! russell was fun to talk to & it was cool to watch him thump away to my left as he called out changes to me w/a sleepy smile on his round face... yes, there was no set list @ all, no rehearsal, & yet i hung w/the big boys!! what a lucky gal i was that night, yessir... after, manuel & i had tacos & talked about Life, then he gave me gas money & i somehow got to dear donna's, was there long enough to chat a bit, yard sale, then pour myself back in the truck & home, listening to a great npr show about "a christmas carol," then got dressed, loaded up, & was out to the branding iron. the place was pretty dead for a while tho a nice cowboy who can really dance ended ea of our songs w/loud cheering & "we love you!!" then the place started filling up w/among others robert & dear angel, then wes & jennifer from token okies, then my family came streaming in, mama, dad, aunt rita, danny, aunt dodie, even uncle ralphy, aunt pam, & cousin aimee from seattle! (uncle ralph's a honcho for the seattle indian health bd & was even on the cover of the NY times the other day!). it ended up being a swell load of fun & the band played REALLY great! i felt, thru my stupor, that it was quite an evening, in the end. :) next day was a family party w/lots of grub & music: yes, brian had the piano delivered back from our old house to mom's & dad's & it felt like home to play that dear old beast again. dad & uncle ralphy sang christmas carols, then i crawled in the back rm & passed out... the last few days since 1/2ing the meds've been a bit better, tho all i've done is clean the house, wrap gifts (to memphis mike's awesome awesome rocknroll christmas dvd he sent!!), do big book wk (yeccch), laundry, went this morn & lounged w/our darling dog boys (b went to colorado for the bit)... about to go pick up toni, then it's band practice again... anyways, tomorrow'll be prep day for the yuletide, then head back east. may you be warm, well, & happy. :)

better cleopat than giant andre, i spose

"Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety; other women cloy
The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry
Where most she satisfies" (antony & cleopatra)
(blogger won't let me add the image i'd like to, of mehitabel from don marquis' archy &..., one of my all-time favorite reads...)
i got the "cleopatra" comparison again this past wkend & then again today, which is much more flattering than if i were told i resembled, say, andre the giant, but it prompted me to look her up & find this awesome quote... the line favoring her over other women makes me a little queasy, for isn't that the problem for too many of us fems? comparing your outsides to my insides? revolted by but under the lash of "you can never be too rich or thin"? that whole line of blah?
despite it, i felt a tad powerful reading the quote, tho it's not about me, & maybe becky (cattie ness) would say it's the uncanny recognition of the goddess w/in, or maybe it's just a cool quote... ok, just sitting here glutted on oatmeal waiting for it to digest so i can go for a jog, then go play at the school's winter concert this eve, then a little party, then hope to hit at least pt of my home mtg... if you're in covina fri, come see me w/the big manny band! sat dusk devils are at branding iron! (read post below for links)
happy warm eve to all. :) xoxoxoxxoxoxoxox

radio free bakersfield

when i lived at the old house, i had a music rm where i'd record songs on a tascam portastudio kind of thing... spent hundreds of hrs in there... nice memories of my old life (actually, i have many, if i think back)... anyhow, many songs are on the link @ right that says "jenny angel/ex-girlfriends/DIY music"... two days ago, 7 mos after moving here, i busted out the tascam & hooked it up. it was revelatory, reminding me that the creative process can not just be cathartic, but can & does positively redirect the magic magnifying mind: curse (thoughts too often heavy) turns blessing in a moment. what a happy thing for which to be grateful!... seemingly coincidentally, jorge from (the revivified, original created by bako's jeff burgess) radio free bakersfield then emailed & said he was running one of my old songs, recorded w/the tascam, on his show. it is one of the 1st ones i recorded, back in 07. listen for it here: http://radiofreebakersfield.com/ ... thinking of vonnegut's quote about music & wishing all a happy end-of-approaching-winter-break week... may you be filled w/& cheered by the restorative creative spirit.

new shows!

we got some new shows & had a great practice last night - i threw "just wanna boogie" on the pan & the band flat-out fried that sucker up! what a treat that was... that tune will be quite a dance-hall destroyer (ref to randee vee, rockabilly drummer queen & hoofer) when we get it really dialed in...  wishing all teachers & students (& their families) a happy last few days of school, too - vacation, here we come! whee! :)
here is a link to our shows: jenny fri w/big manny, dds @ elvis bd bash, sat @ branding iron - hope you will come out & see us, if you can & wish! now it's off to the salt mines... :)

arrrggg... happy dang weekend.

out of the blue, i gotta call from manuel this p.m. saying he was playing in bakersfield at 2 pm & for me to bring my keyboard down. i work til 3!! then they didn't give me the name of the place!! then his bass player for this gig called & said come on down, but his message was too garbled for me to get the place!!... so i was all excited & called them back & said i'm here, but no call backs. so here i sit, waiting on males. story of my life... i imagine they'll have to jump back to LA, anyways, w/this awful weather, or risk getting stuck on the grapevine in snow. still! i have a well-working heater! instruments! a few amps! extra blankets! a floor! we could have had a heckuva fun jam session right here in my houselet! oh well. i spose i should be grateful they asked me... wasn't meant to be... now gotta called philbert & let him down gently. he was gonna try to get some of this action, too... rockin christmas songs will have to wait.
www.myspace.com/bigmannyband

well, i usually never put this kinda thing up

but i think both these are pretty funny, tho one, mordantly so. thank you, toni!! well not much is up except it's freezing here in bakingfield. (my students would write "wtf???" & i spose i just did, too.) last night randy hosted practice & then got us naked juices & frugatti's pizza, a "noni's special," which was pretty great: basil, garlic, cheese, that's it. i learned in NYC they call cheese pizza "plain," not "cheese," so there's a tidbit for you, if you're a californio, like i am... am going out that way @ the holidays & am trying to regenerate some excitement for the trip, for i fear i'm not just gonna be lonely, i'm gonna freeze... on the other hand, w/this trip, my whole life could change, blossom, bloom again. i certainly cannot foretell which it will be; maybe it'll be something in the middle (imagine that)... guess all happens for some reason, so making the best of it & trying to have no expectations is probably a wiser mentality. i mean, for heaven's sake, i'm going to NEW YORK!! no matter what happens, like my NOLA trip, it'll be an adventure... heading to see one of my angels now... stay warm, friends!!!

happy hohoho & a little christmas card cheese

-> the soundcheck at amestoy's was terrific. because it's near the holidays, i went into "run run rudolph" & "christmas in jail" (sorry, randy [he'd never played them]) & people ran in & started dancing & cheering. a snowy-haired fellow named digger, retired professional hornman, exclaimed, "keely!" (as in smith)... what a compliment! we ran in the bar & listened to "oh marie" while he told stories about sam butera. then we ran back to the stage & cesareo jumped up & sang "just a gigolo." we waited & waited to start, then vince got up & did some of his outlaw country. cesareo & i jumped up & backed him. then the dd's started. did i tell you everyone showed up in matching black & white piped western duds? boy, the guys were handsome, & we looked styling. our set went fine, tho i think it lacked the necessary oomph. we need a dd's exercise regimen so that everyone can keep the firepower up, play thru fatigue, keep blowing out that big 2 & 4... people danced & hooted, tho, most conspicuously a beautiful, smiling blonde named davia, & afterward the owner said we were now his most favorite local act. gallows to graves started up, a power roots trio w/cesareo on drums. the place filled up & we old folks were blown outside by the decibels. we dd's stood outside, eating jojo cookies & freezing w/vince & kindly friend jk, then at the witching hr philbert took me home, i tried to wait up for krambo to come get his stuffo, but just couldn't make it. next day i took him his gear & got some dough & he & brett & i sat around for a bit & yakked.
-> no runs this wkend (ankle tweaked), tho did do some yoga, had nice 2nd thanksgiving w/family, visited miracle hot springs, did good bba wk w/april, gina marie, monica, & dear toni, not a bad wkend. however, now i feel fairly sick, as is my seeming usual, home on a work day w/a mouth & throat full of pain...
-> on another note, here's a little "christmas card" made on a dare. on some level, i know it's not really risque. just hope it's not too foolish looking!!! oh well; i've never been one to think too much before acting... the inspirational burst sometimes steers me wrong, but many times brings fun!
-> last note: thinking of candye & wishing her true fine love. she deserves it & i do, too, but think i'll have to somehow leave my brain at home if i'm gonna find & keep it. stupid brain. (heard in a meeting: "my mind's like a bad neighborhood. you don't wanna go in there alone.") things aren't so bad, really, tho. gonna go lie down, rest a bit, try to read & stay warm, then see what the next moment brings... happy holiday season from your friend in backwardsville, moi.

dusk devils, gallows to graves this saturday night!!

the muse strikes again

monday night ode
(sung to tune of “my way”)
and now the end is near and so i face the final spoonful
why do i love so much this basic gray and mushy gruu-el?
its taste makes me so calm, and fills me up, a truue gut bomb
and i don’t have to cook, i love my oatmeal

a few days late...

always have i loved john candy, tho i heard recently sad news about some struggles he had his life. yes, i always felt a sadness might exist in him, watching his movies; maybe that's pt of the reason i like him! but more likely it's that he was a big, handsome, funny, kind-seeming man.
this is one of my very favorite movie scenes ever, which i watched last night!! i don't see how to imbed it from youtube, so please click the link to watch it: john candy, messaround
my additional top 10 funny movie scenes (for right now, 8:55 am on sunday morning):
1. miller describes the cosmic lattice of coincidence in "repo man"
2. gomez and morticia speak of their love in "addams family"
3. the concluding opera in "night at the opera"
4. the monster is created in "young frankenstein"
5. professor wagstaff rows a boat & everyone sings in "horse feathers"
6. the general store scene in "it's a gift"
7. the agents drive thru a tunnel while listening to elvis in "men in black"
8. the drunk sequence of "mystery train" (with joe strummer)
9. peewee goes into a biker bar in "peewee's big adventure"
10. the family goes to buy a christmas tree in "a christmas story"
...so many more. add your favorites, if you want. :)

in loco parentis; amor tussisque non celantur

-> not much can be better than being at teacher -- or in my case, teacher-librarian -- at the holidays. in the staff lounge, the special ed teacher smiled peacefully as he carefully cut up pumpkin pies for his students. a wan-looking boy stood w/our tall jovial dutch cafeteria manager; while here, the boy had only patches of hair while he recovered from cancer, but now that his hair’s grown back, he’s razored it off. his hands worried his sweatshirt pockets. “how are you, j?” i asked, & he tucked his head & replied, “oh, ok, i guess. i overslept & missed the bus.” “looking forward to the holidays?” i asked, & he replied, yeah, i guess so. “get to sleep late, don’t have to go to school,” said i, & he grinned a little. “things aren’t so bad, are they?” said i, & he said, “no, i guess they’re not,” & smiled.
-> today i brought cranberry sauce & chicken, since my students said they’d never had the former… i continue to be amazed by what many of these kids have never experienced! skinny little v, toothy & spiky-haired, poked his head in and wished me a happy thanksgiving. my students, “the low class,” roll into the library here little by little, being normally as a group late for school, carrying their bags of goodies for our class thanksgiving. “put them by the president,” i say, & they set their bags by the two framed pictures of youthful, beaming president obama i have there, one a letter to our school thanking us for our congratulations to him upon his election, the other emblazoned with the words “at the moment that we persuade a child, any child, to cross that threshold, that magic threshold into a library, we change their lives forever, for the better. it is an enormous force for good.”
yesterday, although awfully sick still w/hives & now swollen gums, i got to have quality time w/two powerful, loving women, then w/3 of my favorite men, my band. today i leave here, stop off at the grocery store, then it’s home to attempt to make memphis mike’s famous gumbo (please pray for me, whose fridge bears the motto “i kiss better than i cook,” purchased for me by my family). these dang cortisone pills are really making me feel weak & weird, but tomorrow if i’m at all better, i’ll drive out to hart park for the 6 am phantom pie run. you run as far as you like, sez andy noise, & admission’s a mere pumpkin pie (on sale 2/$5 at foodmaxx). you can’t miss it, if you drive out to hart pk. 100s of happy, hale folks participate & there’s lots of breakfast grub available! (btw, if you’re looking for a tasty, tiny sweet potato pie just for you, try louisiana chicken & chinese down on union near the welfare office.)
-> in class, we wrote about being thankful & i put on charlie brown thanksgiving (barely audible above their keyed up clamor) & the ones who’d brought food served from a line of desks w/little a., smart but a space cadet, to my side cheerfully serving pumpkin pie, & my wild, restless, often confused & angry class got fed & got to talk & gentled down just a little, not by my definition of “good manners,” of course, but i could tell they were happy, so that was what was most important today.
-> around my teaching time, the library teemed all day w/loud, excited, happy middle schoolers. after the last bell, a score or so stayed to play on the computers & to practice w/me for next wk’s spelling bee. i limited their study to 3 language families so that they wouldn’t be too overwhelmed, & to look into their innocent, discerning faces as they strained to find the next letter of that next latin, arabic, or “asian language” word was priceless & precious & i got that happy waft. these kids, our future, trust us w/their lives & we willingly act “in loco parentis,” sometimes more so than their own birth folks. of course they need every one of us, not just teachers, to help shepherd them to happy adulthood.
-> a few days ago here at school, they had a turkey trot. today, boys & girls from grades 6-8 took home to families free birds, donated by the teachers. yes, there is much for which to give thanks. kindness, charity, friendship, love, music: the air is palpable with the goodness of humankind & the life process &, many would say, god.
-> may your holidays be filled w/contemplation, gratitude, love, & all that is good.

hope this verse'll do; if not, voodoodoo doodoo you (ipod ramblings)

(note: first word is the unstressed syllable. now you may proceed.)

when did careful mix tapes turn to shuffled ipods?
why am i writing in verse, you might mention?
moreover, when most of my mind's on the nod
why do i perversely attempt to do scehnsion???

well, i feel a slight pressure lately to write
so scribble i shall, while music a-listenin'
tho life's quite mundane, really, to be polite
...downright boring's the actual description

yeah, i got hives the other day bad
and wanted to jump off a cliff and to drink
but dad sez it's stress and that caused me glad
cause stressors will terminate with time's what i think

now phil alvin's on, my future ex-husband
tho i know he's even more batty than i be
i first saw his face when four plus a dozen
and broadsided by hormones went blasters-band crazy

so now i'm just sittin and drinking detox tea
helped angie move to new house this p.m.
hoping this stupid itch will soon leave me be
so tomorrow with dusk devils i'll flat-git-out rock 'em

so now you can see why i ain't a verse writer
it's so hard to focus when allergy's're itchin
please comment and tell me how you be a fighter
cause when i pay heed to you i stop a-bitchin

ps - re below comments: no, that's not my sister, but my friend tammy in the pic, tho surely we are genetic relatives along some branch of the human tree, further evidenced by our nasal resemblance... & no, heheheheh, that's not me on the rev horton heat poster, but thanks for making my evening picturing that while i sit here itching & scratching & feeling like some bloated leviathan, wondering what the heck i'm allergic to this time aside from the whole frigging planet earth.
aaah.... the isleys... aaah... the red devils... aaah slim harpo... life is good in spite of me. :)
btw, you can still buy big manny's christmas LP, on which i participated, at this website: The Big Manny Christmas Album

4 am

no one should be up at this hr.