arrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhh!!!!!

they finally posted the results for the final summer series 5k &... (hold applause, doff hats, bow heads, ready hankies)... i was not in 2nd place this time. yes, for the last one (pix of that particular suffering are elsewhere on this blog), incredibly, nay, miraculously, i came in 2nd, even getting a nice write-up on printcasting.com that i'll quote here: "Taking second is a long time Andy Noise (when he was known as a record store) friend Jenny *** aka Jenny Angel. She is a member of the Dusk Devils band and always is sporting a great rockin t-shirt and her trademark shades." (i think andy - aka, paul - might've written this.) when they posted online my new start time, it said -1:52. cool; i could get there on time for that. but when i got to the race, my start time for some reason had moved up to -0:41. immediately i was seized w/the gotta-get-to-the-john-now-jones, waited in line w/various fit anglo people in running togs for what didn't seem too long, got my number sharpied on my arm (a disturbing look, really) & shlubbed on up to the start line only to see they were already up to -0.10. "i'm late!!" i sputtered to the girl taking time slips, & waited like what seemed an eternity before she grabbed mine & urged me to go. i bolted off, & thought i'd run harder than ever before, but when i got to the end, all the young kids, the real runners, the track people were stacked up in this HUGE HUGE line!! so we didn't even get our times counted for at least a minute... i took that to be a good sign at the time, that i'd come in at the same time as all the fast people (tho they started after i did), but today's postings say i came in...108th place. geez, what a great defeat it was to see that number: one-hundred-eighth...
i blame my lateness. i mean, i coulda been a contender.
ha!
well, school started & i'm cautiously optimistic. the classroom's well-organized & students seem lilliputian, sweet, ready to learn, & i have (please, great pumpkin, save me from saying this) A Plan (too late; it's out). so school feels ok right now, tho still have urge to run away & live in algiers, LA where life'd be perfect, mebbe, except for hurricane season.
compared to school, much else in life seems poised over the bowl maybe about ready to be flushed, & is that good or bad? when my favorite aunt, whom i loved so much altho she tortured me, used to hang me over the bowl & tell me she was gonna flush me, it definitely was bad. now, what i think is so bad, well... maybe i know nothing. squat, nada, jack. i got nothin, brudda, except knowledge that those kids'll be there tomorrow morning, & god & the good of the universe & buddha & allah & the great spirit bless them one & all.

burning the candle at both ends

no pix from meathead's party at the dome... it will air next wk on brighthouse on demand, tho. they had a great set-up w/live editing van. sound was difficult. meathead plans to make a drive-in movie set-up. wow! deke show went fun - hard to hear from the stage. was nervous about the band sleeping set-up, but he'd gotten a hotwire rm. crazy joe was that & more. they switched instruments thruout the show. deke hitched up his drawers at show's end & did this bizarre elmer fudd-lux interior rap, then moonwalked "in remembrance of the king of pop." r&r pizza 1st set was so great: we sounded like austin's ginny's longhorn saloon honky-tonk. 2nd set, rick played w/us; thank you, rick. pizza was great, all in all a busy & productive wkend. thank you, michelle, for the flowers for my hair. thank you, family & friends, for "being there." this a.m. brought a nightmare about my puppy & a mtg re divorce papers. my husband is a consummate gentleman, but still, it's so sad. pat & i visited a fellowship friend, a beautiful lady, in icu. headed for a mtg. life life life. don't wanna quote jim morrison, but he was true to say "no one here gets out alive." bleh. must keep moving forward, trudging... thank goodness for the good called music. b helped me bring my stereo to my houselet (like i said, what a gentleman), so i listened to louis jordan & johnny horton this a.m.
this is all over the place, so bye for now.

exhilaration & gratitude

so fortunate to be able to feel. music, children & the good humans of this earth, flowers, the outdoors, nighttime & dawn, wit & kindness, exercise bringing immediate endorphin rush: i have a feeling dial, & it's near-always at max. when sadness hits, it's a tsunami that feels like drowning. but when i'm happy, boy am i happy & can feel rapturous life, & wow. :) yesterday the band came over & we hacked away for a few hrs as the neighbors twirled around on their bikes & one came over to say they liked the music, then i drove out to the 1st summer series past hart pk & there were 100s of other folks there! we started out slow as cattle, all packed together, then spread out & it was half uphill, a slow climb, all dirt, warm but w/a refreshing breeze blowing, & kenny walker from my school, who used to run competitively, coached me on my stride. near the top of the grade, endorphins hit in a happy blast & the rest of the evening was gliding bliss; nothing could dampen the perfect feeling i had. i am so grateful for last night. :)
- here are pix from paul a, who used to have andy noise records in bako forever: http://www.andynoise.com/btc-summer-series-09.html i come in on pg 7 or so & have to say tho my legs're all beat up from moving, i've got the coolest shirt of the bunch (gun club fire of love). lou, the paulsens, kenny, all were there & what a beautiful, wonderful experience!
- near-nothing's as lovely as running, i don't think; it's top-5 for me & i can't wait to do it more & get stronger. we finished as dusk descended & noshing on bagel hunks & drinking gatorade & standing around yacking i thought, man, in the midst of sadness, to get to do this stuff certainly seemed blessed. twilight fell in melancholy blush & then evening came cool & clear; took a drive to ethel's for hotdogs & watermelon (all kinds of people from the run were there), then a nighttime drive up round mtn road & found a quiet spot & pulled over & walked down this white, weedy arroyo & crouched in the dirt & listened to the night & the stars & i am lonely but feel lately that wild adventure i had in my youth, tho w/o the aberrance & craziness that most often used to be me... this, too, shall pass.
- may today some or much exhilaration & gratitude be yours... will have a very important mtg today, have no expectations, but do hope it will result in the least pain & most closure & relief for all.