on asses & avalon

 we went to the avalon side of catalina, the family plus a relative by blood. mama included this person out of loyalty to her own mother, our dear grandma, may she rest in peace. this person, who did 14 years for disgusting predations, recently had been uninvited from a few other family trips... mama felt bad. she invited him. i was shocked but had to realize mama is most  important, so i shut up about it. except here.

mama is eternally loyal & dutiful to family -- she & dad are the loving, forgiving, reliable  backbone of our family, as james's sister is theirs. mama is far better a person than i ever will be. i try to forgive this individual, but it is tough because i remember what he did & now he carries on like nothing happened, plus he "humble brags" incessantly about himself & his supposed accomplishments (he doesn't mention his crimes, obviously, but talks about prison as if he had been away on holiday or at university all that time).  don't know if he was oblivious or trying to provoke us, but i felt myself wanting to punch him. yeah, our lovely, kind, do-gooding family was there, plus this annoying ass who would not shut up about how wonderful he is -- when someone who did what he did in all decency should keep his trap shut for the rest of his days.

as we boarded the ship to go back home, he continued to impart vast knowledge, this time about avalon fish, and it almost was the last straw for him when james between gritted teeth finally suggested that a certain know-it-all might get his ass tossed in the ocean if he didn't shut up; dad calmly stepped between, the retired jr high teacher in him instinctively doing so.

anyways, on the trip i got to have some, though not enough, moments with my parents; with sister, niece, & bro-in-law; & with james. the shangri-la of avalon is memorably gorgeous, a picturesque cove of turquoise ocean beneath wide blue sky, its beautiful signature tiles visible everywhere. the shops are nothing interesting to me, nor is sun-baking, nor is drinking, but still we had some fun experiences. james, my niece & i went kayaking away from the madding crowd in deep, vast, luscious waters; maddy & i shared a kayak, & my niece up front was so confident, my fears were allayed. james rented a single & would come blasting by us, circling us, making sure we were safe, arms popping with muscle, singing shanties, grinning like a monty python nut. 

another cool experience was jogging up to the catalina chimes, then around the back side of avalon up & down sweeping hills, viewing great expanses of grass-filled peoplelessness winding into areas of pretty houses, returning finally to the village. when sis, niece, mom, dad & i went on a city bus tour next day, it turns out i had done the first half of the bus tour backward, so i was happy to tell mom & dad & see their pride that i had tackled such steep terrain. that run definitely is stored away in my memory files; at this moment i still have images & feel the peaceful excitement of coming around that next curve & discovering a new site & experience.

anyways, here are some pictures. as for the overall trip, i am grateful to have gone, but as for the company, to quote uncle henry (r.i.p.), sometimes peanuts, sometimes shells.

james took this one for his sister, who loves succulents 

my friend dan m sells giant versions of this tiny wall garden

no makeup on either of us

first part of the hill - approaching the catalina chimes

dad, mama, & maddy walking the flats

statue of leroy the cat, the town feline owned by all & no one

 

small statue outside where we bought each other rings; it reminded us of penny, our sweet dog girl

heading around the curve on my wonderful jog adventure

maddy confidently led the rowing team

the waves were large in spots, & the water sparkled

maddy & my feet; below, strong & silly man

above, brave titanic musicians; here, view from jog

walking back from the art deco casino

the route i jogged

if you tell me that you love me, i'd feel so proud, if you let me hold you, honey, i'd holler out loud

 johnny horton wrote a few vilely racist songs but also some great ones like the one listed above. i don't know how someone can be of such extremes, but people usually are a mixed bag. some bags, like say jimmy carter's, are filled mostly with goodness. other bags (why mention them here & ruin everything?) contain hardly anything worthy at all. anyways, we started our show last night with that song, just the two of us, james singing so wonderfully. but starting off the show was our friend comedian rio hillman, a tall drink of water with friendly, boyish face belying greying beard. he did a startling number of poop jokes! it was good-natured fun. the whole family came to see the show at sue's, just a mile or two from home...

 james just called from the basement :D ... 

anyways, we had a fun show tho we were shaking the dust off. fun for me was that mom & dad requested some of my old band songs so i sang a bunch of stuff like "green door" & "riot in cell block #9," which i haven't done for years. i had practiced some little richard, but we will do that next time. yeah, we were a bit rough but there were great moments, & my hubby is the best always.

"i didn't know you sang like THAT!" i heard. i told dad this morn that both his daughters have secret weapons. my little sister (pictured in middle with her friend, the very cool cat whitlock) looks like a nerdy little librarian, but she is a kick-ass black belt who can take a grown man to his knees in a chokehold (and recently has). i have a soft voice & have been thought to be maybe musically wimpy due to how i speak & comport myself, but tho i no longer have my pinup looks, i continue to be told i play ferociously & sing like "a snarling cat." i don't intend it that way; it is what comes out when i play; it feels natural & it is what i do. when i get to play what i must, instead of trying to play what others want (as happened in the past at times in other bands), all self-consciousness goes out the window & i feel like ME.

after the show, as we caravanned with rio for late-night fast food, i told james we should name our band the stompers. he said that might be a good one for us... 

after getting burgers, rio came & stayed at our place. "good night," i called, listening to james yacking away about dolemite & moms mabley & george carlin & rio laughing his head off... when i got up this morn, rio'd already split, but i guess they were up into the early hours having a time.

anyways, i am heading to agua dulce in a bit to view another travel trailer, one with a bathroom. i hope it works out, but if not, that is a beautiful area & i look foward to the drive!

on another satisfying note, we've saved thousands of dollars since i took dad's advice & have gutted & now am fixing our bathroom. the thought scared me, doing it on my own, then dad said it might be interesting to look inside the house walls (it was like a horror movie), so i did & am now so glad.

anyways, life is good with my dear man. thank you to all the nice people who came to see us last night, such as lovely becky v, karen & dave, the whitlocks, & our wonderful family. good wishes to you who read this.

"the luckiest woman in the world" 2021

 

*addiction

owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

i love most all living creatures except some homo sapiens... i love reading e.o. wilson, and i know in part he became an entomologist because of them, that he was inspired by & had particular love of them,... but i hate and despise ants!!! spent 2.5 hrs yesterday ridding the kitchen of little biters (tho now our kitchen is very clean - always a plus, always a plus). today i put up the giant tarp over the giant driveway frame & felt a bite in my croc. just one fire ant had got me, & i'm now in excruciating pain, shaking & sweating. when i was little i was swarmed by ants so badly that dad had to throw me in a nearby creek to get them off & i was sick afterward. so i know ants are highly intelligent, but i hate & despise them. fire ant pain is about the worst there is for me.

i was stupid to get bitten bc i have perfectly good work boots, so once i dressed the bite, i belatedly stuck them on & got back to work. but when i pulled them off a few mins ago, my foot had swollen into the boot & once released, it began to burn & throb worse than before.

i must be allergic for one little ant bite to hurt this badly, but i've gone through this before & know i don't need the hospital. so now it's ibuprofen & rest for me... i hope i don't have to go to bed over this. :(

another day wasted. argh!!!!

i have learned another valuable lesson that i knew & didn't abide, but will now without fail - when working outside, always wear boots.

at left is a flyer. it will be fun. i won't be in pain then i hope, unless i do something else stupid, which is probable.

...

...

...

ok, i just found this interesting graphic which makes me realize i have no idea what type of ant stung me, but it's been about an hr and it still is burning like crazy. :( time to get out the raid. if you are reading this, WATCH FOR INSECTS!!!

https://www.bionity.com/en/infographics/25/schmidt-insect-sting-pain-index.html

blah

 blah.

texas, life, blablabla

 used to go to tx for family, travel, music, men. now i travel w/my man for family & music. here are some recent pix from tx. we love the lone star state, tho so much of it blares brashly, arrogantly red. i can be deep blue & yet love aspects of redness that aren't really redness: good manners, kindness, work ethic, responsibility, family... those are traits that don't belong to them. i know that so they don't bother me unless they stick their dogma in my face. that didn't happen too much while we were there, & when it did, i shut it down. let's just agree to disagree. it worked.

one torpid afternoon, i jogged along my cousin's beautiful canopied road with lovely wildflowers and trees all about, & some of the wide-stretching ranch homes bore mean red signs for the defeated orange stain... whatever: he lost! he's gone! they might think not... the truth's the truth, & i still can enjoy myself.

i like cities less & less all the time. aspects? yes. music, restaurants, architecture, services free to all such as public spaces, walking/biking/running trails, hiking areas, dog parks, beautiful sites... but cities are compacted & heart-breakingly stratified. i know our country is a big beautiful mess, but i don't want to see the mess part. others in my family are braver: mama, for example, is a true-blue activist, turning 77 this year. angie & doug (sister & bro-in-law) minister to & feed people weekly. but willful ignorance is the only way to be for me. here & there, yeah, i do good works, too, but i don't seek them out. have to stay alive, & too much reality... can't cut it.

anyways, i'm "flat-butting" at the computer, as dad calls it, & later we head to bakingfield for a few days. i don't know if the lil loafer trailer will sell. had mucho response but no one really committing. hope it does so we can get a larger trailer w/bathroom & kitchen. that way mom & dad (and maybe more visitors) can stay here comfortably.

well, that's it for now, i think. except we are playing on july 16. i think there will be a flyer, but maybe not.

karma karma karma karma karma reptilian

 i don't know why i wrote that at top. james was talking with me about ufos the other day. maybe that's it.  today, in response to a quick cartoon i drew & posted to half-a**edly help promote an upcoming duo show, someone posted a pic he'd drawn of james that was very unflattering,... so i went digging through boxes under my bed for a similar one i'd done of james yrs back, just to show him, bc the one the dude had done of james was not a good likeness at all, & in fact, was rather hideous... but out of those boxes came explosions of memory: people who died died, loved ones no longer here, mistakes i've made, nasty folks i've known, balls i've dropped & ppl i've let down and pet children no longer mine & a long, lonely, ruined relationship that still haunts me at times, not that i want it back bc my life now is better than it's ever been, but that i shouldn't've gotten into it to begin with. but i was immature. i was the best i could do.... which wasn't much! i hurt people & didn't realize it. i did not want to hurt my 1st husband. and he wasn't the only one: i was an  a**hole, thoughtlessly cruel. and what for? so many loved ones gone... so i blubbered & blubbered & thought, sh*t! this is what you get! karma did this to you since your motive was selfish --  to find your drawing and show someone. that was an a**hole move, a real regression. it's happened a lot, but the difference now is, every time i'm not nice, the universe (or human meaning-making) throws it right back in my face. 

anyways, i've cried my face off so much this eve looking through those dang boxes (never found the drawing, of course) that the human suit is now deflated. so i moved on to vacation photos. yep, i got most of our pix from texas up; one folder would not save, so i will try again tomorrow. we had a nice time in tx, so maybe i''ll write more later, but meantime, know that candler wilkinson iv, the yodeling jazzman who looks like a honky-tonk punk, put on a heck of a show due to his gorgeous vocals & intensely personal setlist & the dude is DEFINITELY worth seeking out, especially if backed by drummer adrian voorhies.

right now i'm comforted by what james said earlier: you are a good person. you don't do those things anymore. and it's true -- i go to texas, or LA, wherever, and unlike before, now i get to be a true-blue wife, sister, daughter, cousin, friend, teacher, musician, human, not let ppl down anymore, chase attention, talk sh*t to build myself up, or drop ppl like objects. thank Goodness, james, & mister and missus gia for any change i now live in.

well, the rest of the pix won't load so i think that's a sign to get off of here.

the austin hotel (not the one on congress, which has gotten far too chi-chi) (there i go again), the one we stayed at was real nice, right next to travis heights, with wallpaper featuring the visages of texas musicians. breakfast was good, & it wasn't far from the lake and its wonderful jogging trail.

movie night, end of school, gig

 FINALLY last night we saw some good flicks: sword of trust (marc maron) and extra ordinary (maeve higgins). both are truly worthwhile!! difficult being such a movie snob. too many films are derivative, dumb, purely terrible! are they that crappy at conception or does the creative kernel get crushed as they go through production? i tend to think a lot of it is i've seen faar, faaaar, faaaaaar too many movies!! i got hooked on them at around age 11 and by the teens, my best friend marc lazare & i snuck into the movies at least 2x a week, watching everything, the sexist 80s films damaging my conception of being a female to the point that i have had lifelong dysmorphia! (well, i already did... & finally, in the last half of my life, it has abated...) i was an avid collector of grindhouse, avante garde, foreign, & oddball movies by age 17. in those pre-net days, it was big work to find the movie titles (as well as 78s, 45s, & 33 1/3s) i craved... now, all you gotta do is search it up & boom! i recall now when i first got online about 20 yrs ago & realized that the world was FULL of other ppl into american music, rockabilly, boogie-woogie, & incredibly strange films... WOW! getting sober had shown me in one way i wasn't alone; the internet then showed me in another that there were thousands of others out there who were just as weird as i was.

anyways, as usual i digress. the films were such a happy surprise! we treated ourselves w/full pints of ice cream each! (well, james does that every night, but for me, it was unprecedented, a first-and-last ever.) my fruity pebble ice cream was such a delight! though never again will i indulge like that, the tasty treat made the film-watching experience so much better. yes, after a laborious (but fun) few days of intensive work on property clearance, ice cream & good movies w/my honey made for a memorable time.

school is out this week & james took this gig, so we will be there. he made the poster himself! talented in oh so many ways is james...

(play jeopardy theme)

 my sponsor will be on zoom in a few minutes, so i am twiddling my cyber thumbs. these are nice pix from beautiful becky v, james's friend whom i hope might be mine, too. she seems quite gracious, a quality that i find so endearing... penny & i just did 3 miles on my newest hoka one one shoes, but i blew it with these ones, a dang shame bc they're the 1st full-price running shoes i've purchased in about 15 years. to celebrate no heart problems at all, i bought them at sole to soul [sp?] in bakersfield. my feet were quite tired after a long work day & i left w/the chunkiest, most comfy pair, which unfortunately i now find are like running in platforms. oh well. live & learn.

time to go work on step 3 some more...

finally!!!!!!!