hoka hooka hicka HIKE

yesterday i got to go w/my friend christy (my fellow teacher, the high school cross country coach, for her birthday!) on the fog run in bakersfield. we left the hill at ungodly dark-thirty to register, go potty, stretch. she even had me jog an extra mile to warm up. once we started, in a gigantic group of runners, we had a good clip going, were passing ppl, feeling pretty good. grabbed a cup of water @ the halfway point, dropped cup in trash box, hit a rock w/my extra-large super-fantastic hokas, did a swan dive onto the dirt: BAM! i hit chest-first, therefore saving my knees & wrists, but knocking the air out of myself. the last stretch was much harder w/less wind. i came in 7 seconds behind christy: a 10:20 mile. slow compared to the old days, tho i've never been fast!! ...now i have a bit of a resolution: to get back to a sub-10 minute mile.
i want to think the fall slowed me down, but just to be sure, i will work on developing speed... realistically. i'm old, but not yet old enough to be that slow!
today the dog-girl (outside yelling her head off right now) & i did 4.88 tough miles. turns out my knee IS a little injured. down the dirt path, out on the highway, down to the park, around, around, around (saw lisa & arestina, which was nice, as well as students at the skatepark, as usual), then back UP for the steep climb home.  i decided to explore coming back, so cut off the main road down into the riverbed. i mean DOWN: you really descend, & the hills climb steeply, ever more steeply in all directions. we got snarled in thick trees for quite some time, snapping dead branches off on the leash, meandering, branches & stickers tearing my shirt, my pants, my hair, my yushenka... i saw no way back up for quite some time, feeling quite isolated, staving the deliverance thoughts, bearing in mind what i read today about john muir and "sauntering" (see https://vault.sierraclub.org/john_muir_exhibit/life/palmer_sauntering.aspx. )... finally i spied an extremely steep way out & climbed, slid, & scrambled my way out (penny had a bit of a struggle as well) into... more thick scrub brush, no road, more bushwhacking. finally we came to a barbed wire fence, but no real way to approach except through more thicket. crap.
after much struggle, i located a semi-break in the fence that necessitated me lifting penny & gingerly threading her through, then doing the same with myself, careful not to touch hair or flesh to barbed wire. i felt some tearing in my pants & shirt, but they're both home garments, so no problem...
she is barking her head off again, so i'm gonna go. dang beast!!
tomorrow school resumes. i'm not ready, but i will be.
happy birthday tomorrow, elvis!!!!

ON auld lang syne

our favorite people on fun eve in smellay

this is a week late, but it's interesting! especially this part (given the photo i post here): "The song begins by posing a rhetorical question: Is it right that old times be forgotten? The answer is generally interpreted as a call to remember long-standing friendships." here's the link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auld_Lang_Syne... now please watch & listen to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42_ilQc_sxc ... it reminds me of studying chaucer moons & moons ago. or, i should say, NOT studying chaucer. i was a very poor undergrad student.
our dog-girl is whistling & whining outside, entreating to be gained house-entrance... in, dog-girl!
she & i had a few nice runs on james's & my vacation. she & i ran in monterey, we ran in santa cruz (well, i mostly went alone in santa cruz). i put in about 10 miles in two days, so that was the best thing i could say about THAT trip! we agreed afterward we should have visited the gias, where mama had made a beautiful, delicious, lovely new year's day meal & we had a loving, kindly visit... & then we should have turned around & gone back home!
yes, we had a crap of a time, but all is well again now. like i wrote years back in a heartbroken rag (when we were separated), "after the storm, the sun is gonna rise." rise it has, & we is fine. now i'm just waiting for him to split so i can do major cleaning in his Quarter of the Hoarder. this house is gonna be soooo clean by the time he gets back! haHA!!!
then i have to prep to get back to work. and teach choir. oh heck, i conveniently had forgotten!! i'm supposed to teach music for 8 weeks! ... this all is good. creative immersion is a real good when your coconut is prone to upsettings... ok, off for now. :D happy happy day!! happy happy year!! that's it.

i had a jowl

removed it using www/pixlr.com/editor, which is a free photoshop kind of site. sue me! this is my blog! why should i be bejowled on my own blog??
this is the last night of 2017. this year hasn't been  bad at all. i have a great family & a great job. i am sober & have a challenging but rewarding marriage w/the most talented & unusual human i've ever met. he is my best friend! i get to sponsor people & have many kindly acquaintances, even friendships. this year i got back into running. yay! we got our dog girl, penny. we love her! i started seeing a patient, compassionate counselor, & now we both see him, with already much positive outcome!
our lives are really, really good, all things considered.
the other day i went & played w/james's band in north long beach. the gig went really well! we were powerful, powerful, & i was  really satisfied & grateful to be a part, using my "new" keyboard, which i haven't in over a yr on assumption it wouldn't power up. it powered up! w/that & my new amp, which i've not really used cause i haven't been playing many shows, my gear worked w/o failure for four sets. i could hear! and i got to be a part of & contribute to the blues express. the crowd was big throughout the afternoon, & really into it! james ruled, as usual. little anthony, blake, & steve were great fun to play with (preposition dangling there; oh well).
angie & doug showed up. wonderful, wonderful!! afterward, we all drove to grand central market in downtown LA & ate & visited & laughed a whole lot. james & doug had mexican food & orange bang; angie & i had delicious, delicious thai chicken, sticky rice, & papaya salad. after, we waited for OVER 20 MINUTES in the mcconnell's ice cream line, but it was worth it: cardamom & ginger snap ice cream w/sweet cream & cookie ice cream: WOW!
feeling tremendous love for my talented, industrious, smart, hard-working, kind, funny, brave little sister, i took this pic, feeling like mama as i held her little arm. i love my sister so so much!! james & doug were both on sleep deprivation status & yelled & bellowed & carried on through the bustling food place, two mugs out of a '40s noir crime comedy. we parted & i so wished we all could continue to hang out. we're so lucky to have such entertaining, delightful, hilarious, loving kin.
we drove home & i passed out on a bed of blankets we'd made on the floor while james watched boxing videos & played w/his new drone, one of my christmas gifts to him..
feliz anyo nuevo!!

my pie and i

here is a pic of me and the lucky penny on christmas day. she is a funny-looking, cute little girl, not the darling heart-breaking loving beauty that gusgus was. i say "was" because i believe my dear gusgus may have passed away. that is what family suggested when i asked if they'd seen pix of him lately from my ex-husband, brian. :( i cried & cried, but there's nothing i can do. going to change topic now because just thinking of it makes me so very sad. :( we still have our funny little penny petunia page as well as peewee the beautiful malcontent feline.

i was surfing facebook & was shocked to discover the handsome co-creator of big book awakening passed away last year from cancer. he was a sturdy-looking man who resembled a stocky clark gable; he saved many, many lives with his approach. christmas has made me think a lot of manuel, dear big manny, who also passed on last year, his joyous rockin music, his boyish smile, his sweet, light, kissed-by-god spirit... this life & all of us are so very fragile. must remember this when next i have a resentment...

christmas nice except that i decided to go running on a stomach filled w/coffee & ended up not just barfing, but snapping back into action my old stomach hernia. it didn't hit til i'd hobbled back to mom & dad's; i laid on the floor in agony & mama rushed in w/big alarmed eyes. "i'm ok, i'm ok!" i moaned, trying to make it so... did i tell you two weeks ago i found out i have hypertension, too? my dear friend donna & i caught up on the phone today & laughed about my continuing bad health. if i hadn't gotten sober & didn't live in rather healthy fashion these past two-plus decades, i'm CERTAIN i would have perished long ago. many people have complimented me heartily on my rather ferocious performing style... but at heart, i'm a delicate flower!!

well, mister james & i are gonna watch roku for a bit. then i hope to return to a book sister angie recommended. i thought the writing kinda pedestrian at first, but it's just what i've needed: an engaging, entertaining, spooky romp w/plot twists -- a real break from the non-fic i'm always reading. the book is much like reading a movie! (ok, now... it's called... night film... and it's for sale at the dollar tree right now!!)

thursday james & i play shenanigans & mike malone's gonna lend me his keyboard because mine STILL ISN'T FIXED and my small one i lent to young cousin josh (the songbird! on christmas he sang "white christmas" in two octaves, scatting at the end, and i just whooped with joy! it truly was the best, coolest singing performance i've heard in a long while!!! from sadsack young josh, a young man changing in a positive way due to our loving family. now i know why mama's so taken with him: what talent!)... so thank you, malone, for lending me your keys!

saturday james plays in north long beach; you can find it on www.whiteboyjames.com .. and then we get to go on a little vacation... and in spring, a BIG vacation!!

i'd better get to the tv w/my honey... happy new year!!

my new shirt!!!!!

(the saturday night ensemble pictured here matched til i removed my fluffy brown coat...) ordered this fabulous t-shirt online based on image james's acolyte & friend tommy eliff (big son of mighty mojo prophets) sent me. it was supposed to be sherbet-colored, but arrived more orangey. i haven't worn an orange shirt to a gig since lux interior died & i made a memorial t-shirt & wore it to rock & roll pizza for a dusk devils gig. at that time i still was child-sized; no longer be i that, but certainly am thankful for the pic. (thanks, anthony!) at the time tommy made me the image, i had been bummed out & had posted on social media, "everything would be ok if i just had a piano red shirt." many searches at that time had revealed no existing shirts.
now i have one!! thank you, big son!!
i really looked fwd to playing last night w/james! it was a good night. he was beyond-exhausted, as happens to him, but put on a gangbuster dirty-blues show. the audience was happy!! all my running's paying off  bc i got through the eve like it was nothing, w/little fatigue. bonus!!
woke up that a.m. & started playing piano here at home. we went "to town," always a treat on a saturday morn: the post office, our two wonderful thrift stores, dollar general. so much fun. made enchiladas, rice & beans. took penny for a nice hilly run. checked my gear; everything seemed to work. got cleaned up, put on my new t-shirt. james said i looked like a superhero, some of his highest praise. :) got to redwood room & my low C 5th song started blatting out at 10x the volume of the other keys. drummer ron felton (who took the band photo), there for the show, gave me an empty gum packet & i duck-taped the key so it wouldn't play. but when i started into prof longhair's "gone so long," i was shocked to realize another problem:  suddenly, not three, but at least 6 keys were dead! as i played, more & more keys seemed to fail. the length of the keyboard was serially dying off: oh no!!
fortunately scott lambert was there on bass that night & he is giving me the number for a music repair shop in long beach. over break i FINALLY will get my keyboards fixed!!! so grateful!!!!!
time for more coffee, then to work on school. in a few hrs, teacher comrade christy & i will adventure jog up the steep, beautiful fire road by the elementary school. yaaaaay!!
life is sure good right now. :)
happy birthday, niece madeline!!!!!!!!!!!

staycation

used to be i'd have to be someplace else to have a good time5trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (that was kitten on the keys... peewee, that is; hardly a kitten, but had to reference the song!) like paris or austin or LA or wherever, but not HOME, for pete's sake!! we were talking about this as we drove thru the mountains on one of our "big" trips during this staycation (we went to santa clarita 2x, bakersfield once, each about 40 mins from home). we just have had such a nice time this time not going no place. i ran... a LOT! and dad insisted on early-gifting me some HOKAS!! i've wanted hokas for years!! they were supposed to be my christmas gift. so i've been running every day since i got them. the pie run was fantastic fun: looked like at least 1500 people there, sad the fellow that started the run was hit by a car while bicycle riding; i believe many were there to commemorate him. mr toad's wild run at the end of the pie run is SO SO FUN!!! i dream about it even now. i wish i were bounding & careening down it all the time. then back at the gias, we ate like hogs. we'd gone to the movies the night before, what a treat (no movies up on the mountain), the latest blockbuster, we hadn't been in forever, so we munched popcorn & craned our necks to watch from the front row. the movies! hogging out! running! just being home, doing yardwork, walking the dog, doing lovely yoga outside in the park cause the library was closed, yoga looking up at the dark & lovely oaks, birdsong, clean air, wow, taking short day trips to shop & eat some more: staycations are the way to go now, i think, or at least a way to go i'd never thought would appeal to me. just resting in our bed with the windows looking out on beautiful mountain view, james gently snoring or playing words w/friends, penny the dog warm between us: that is my favorite place in the world to be, i think. what a gigantic change! this is something about getting old i definitely love.
this is sloppily written bc we are making dinner & the room is cozy w/sizzling food smells. tonight i prep to return to school tomorrow, & tonight we'll do something wild like watch "chopped," or something. i couldn't be more grateful. this life w/james, this life on the mountain, w/clean air, w/runs getting longer always, w/sobriety & love: wow. i'm so glad to have been changed so i can appreciate & love this life.
may you also love your life, life ever-changing
bye for now

died & went to heaven!!!!

...james tells me not to go out after dark running. sometimes i use his warning as excuse to be lazy, like when it's an especially cold or dark eve, but sometimes it's a bummer bc i need some exercise!! he asks me not to do semi-dangerous stuff i used to enjoy --  even when that frisson of warning would chill my neck -- specifically pulling off lonely roads to explore abandoned buildings when by myself... aaaarrrghh...i know his concern is for my safety... ... this time of yr, it's rough to get in runs some eves cause of having become so absorbed in my job (my calling? work's definitely increasingly absorbing!). i stay too late, too often, & w/the time change, it gets dark so early...
partial solution here!!! check this out!!! you may love this, too!!!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq5O2ZfzRQChMdahnpKpGVg/videos
also... in case you don't know about it, THIS IS AN AWESOME WEBSITE!! you can log your every single workout!!!
https://www.mapmyrun.com
thursday is the pie run... won't be a fog run this yr, no way. dad says it's predicted to be 85 degrees in bakingfield on thanksgiving day!! that is quite scary, in a way, harbinger of global doom, maybe, but i selfishly know due to the warm morn i'll easily be able to hop out of bed & therefore run.  james will help brother doug & sister angie distribute food to those in need, so it'll be a great start to thanksgiving for us all!!
i feel so little conflict right now about turkey day. i still care about the holiday's conflicted history, yes, quite a bit, but outweighing my liberal guilt this time are happy thoughts of james, pets, cooking (we're making the baked yams/sweet potaters as well as a cherpumple!!), running, rest, fun, & family.
happy holidays!!!

happy howwwwwwwwwwwwlo... you know....

we went to see the mike tyson's undisputed truth round 2 stage show in las vegas the other night... it was really cool to sit in a little club in the ridiculously opulent mgm grand, to sit that close to the champ & hear his funny lithping tale, this version much more anecdotal than the first, containing so many fun, lively stories told by our favorite boxer (except for ali, of course), a real likeable mug. i have strong memory now of his bashful, earnest voice & big brown drugstore indian head, grinning, shuffling (probably hard for a life-long pugilist to stand still when on a stage), story-telling, flashing between shy & tough as nails... on the way home, we stopped at calico ghost town in the mojave & sat there on the hilltop greasy spoon's large covered terrace looking out over wide cool spectacular desert view... then it was home sweet home.
today was a wild one at school as always is halloween at school. i was frankenpage with black clothes, green shirt, & green face; we somehow managed to have a socratic circle on topic of animal abuse before party time, which i tricked them all by planning in its entirety: caption contest; spooky story contest; dance contest; limbo contest; costume contest. at recess, the teachers & i got pelted w/pies for a school fundraiser, so it was a smelly sticky day after that. my halloween makeup had been smudged by whipped cream, so our sweet secretary gave me her witchy liquid makeup, much greener than my original, after which a few kids from other classes asked if i was the hulk, which was inspired & cool on their part, i thought.
james is heating food, then we're back to watching stranger things sequel on netflix, a real fun show, but don't think there'll be many more seasons since the kid actors are already by season two in the awkward stage!
happy halloween

Finalmente

I got a Chromebook so I could do schoolwork at home (James's iMac is too distracting) & I've been loving bringing work home, continuing to build my educating knowledge & etc... But I can't log on to blogger on the cb, so it's been a spell since I blaaahged. We had a lovely early 5th anniversary attending music fest in riverside, a town that made me think of abq NM, tho I don't know why... Boy, we had a swell time, what a happy surprise, with great music (esp watching honey piazza on piano & the fabulous, funny, smooth, weird,  deep & cool rick estrin), great food at tio's tacos (surrounded by its wacky funhouse of junk art) & Marisa's Italian deli & nice Thunderbird lodge... Lots of beautiful deserty scapes on our drives w our sweet little Penny dog accompanying us... I'm pecking w 1 digit here on fire tablet, so gonna sign off. At this sec, all is well.

Junior Parker - Cryin' for my Baby

james has had this in his  repertoire for some time. phil alvin also has it in his repertoire. james's version is powerful & tortured, phil alvin's tortured-theatrical, which means highly cool & entertaining, but less heartfelt. james really feels it. it's painful almost to watch him sing some songs of heartbreak.

i can't sing songs like that. i explode in sobs. so i don't.

i was surprised to hear this light & swingy version.

in other news, i'm still not pushing up daisies.

good night.

imprinted

sebastian cabot as mister french. i loved mr french. our family
doctor was similarly large, rotund, with gigantic blue eyes
& friendly, comforting manner. despite that, he also scared me!

i was 20 yrs old on a train in europe when this good-looking white guy, older & square-looking,  started making eyes at me, so i walked with him to the back car (i had no boundaries) (i remember being at the very end of the train, outside the back door with the track rattling beneath & the cool air blowing, with this stranger!). turns out it wasn't hanky-panky he wanted, but for me to become a scientologist...

mister green jeans & captain kangaroo: round, silly comfort.
you could know you were safe with these people.

it made me think about the idea of engrams -- not jungian, but scientologian -- which unlike jung's are  negative & only removable via auditing or whatever those wingnuts call it. i might not have this right; i was talking with angie sister yesterday about her MA program in which she's currently reading jung.
i just was mooning & dreaming over pix of capybaras & wondering why animals like them or wombats or bears (the fatter the better) are so appealing to me & always have been, like, inherently.
why do we like what we like?
sick two weeks now; overdid it yesterday in the yard. building a dog run. so i'm stalling, on the blog...  these are images that i saw between infancy & age six that stuck inside me, that may have been uncanny due to their power upon me, or that maybe imprinted upon me... (for james, it was raquel welch in fantastic voyage as well as some other, more eccentric celebrity crushes...)

when depressed, i go dumb watching videos of innocent, round,
adorable caveys, which we  had as pets when i was a kid. capy-
baras, wombats, round-nosed, soft-gazed: who can't love them?

the gia family saw oliver! when angie & i were tiny,
say 3-5 years old. i wanted to be jack wild, who played
the wily, confident artful dodger, but oliver
reed as bill sykes has remained in my psyche
always: his handsome bulk & sinister glower
were so scary, but also troublingly exciting...

after this i gotta go to ace & get fencing. tomorrow's a class i anticipate, in bakersland: socratic circles. i'm just all over the place in this post.

we walked into bakersfield's tejon theatre & there was
john amos without a shirt1  i was six, but the broad 
muscularity of his chest stretched across the big screen has
been cemented in my mind ever since!

... so to blablabla a bit more, have you heard of a book called the old ways? it's a lunatic-fringe publication i read about in mother earth news, but w/some most-excellent & useful info, like how to make pain meds from backyard weeds... and last night i saw an odd, stunning movie called buster's mal heart featuring a pint-sized heartthrob version of michael shannon, a charming-creepy egyptian cutey named rami malek... i really liked the film, tho it disturbed me... so that's enough stalling... happy sunday.

BAH!

that is all.

bleghgh

this phony i dislike just posted about james's band on fb, an arrogant "humble brag," i think it's called, so rather than write something stupid to Phony, i will complain here.
i just don't like some people. especially ones who have been two-faced; who have bad-mouthed james while pretending to be a friend; who have gossiped about him; who's pretended to be a clean-living, kindly person while snorting drugs & talking sh*t while not having cajones to be honest; who's  been disloyal. people who are arrogant, phony, & inherently dishonest really hack me, as cousin tushi would say. in my young (& not-so-young) life, i was dishonest & arrogant (tho not inherently, thank Goodness), so maybe that's why i'm intolerant; oh well.
bleghghgh! good riddance!
there; that's more than enough on that topic.
on another note, i just mixed apple cider vinegar WITH baking soda, having thought the other day, if it cleans out a clogged drain, can it do the same for a sick body? (been ill for a week now; it's going around the school.) just now, i took the concoction with some emergenC or whatever it's called and wa! la! instantly i feel a modicum improved!
today as i returned an item to ace hardware, one of the checkers recommended oregano oil... hmmm... the other day i read that baking soda, that is, sodium bicarbonate, is one of the main ingredients in dialysis treatments: baking soda cleans the kidneys. wow! i had a friend years ago who healed from pancreatic cancer by using the gerson (all greens) diet, which of course is outlawed in the u.s because how is BigPharma gonna make trillions on kale & spinach??? ... my friend healed & was healthy for a few yrs til she succumbed to road food & lifestyle (she was a beloved blues musician); the cancer came back & she perished, a wisp of a woman where once she'd been round & stuffed w/Life. it was so very, very sad...
i'm thinking the more direct from the Earth a thing ingested be, the more restorative it is... yes,  the older i get, the more natural remedies seem not just more appealing, but evidentially, they increasingly are proving superior to western medicine...
going to rest now. when james left (with the words, "take it easy; don't make yourself sick again!") i went & did six hours of housework/projects & even worked outside. (is that a humble brag? so be it.) last, i took penny for a mile (only a mile; i be sick) in my vibram five fingers. those hideous shoes feel so good on a jog... if you have some & haven't tried jogging in them, give it a go.
if you, too, are sick, get well soon. if you are well, be grateful!!!! :D

neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... and my hero!!!!

that's the sound in my brain right now. i've been sick since saturday. saturday night, thanks to mom & dad, we went to a stage production of (asking james; can't remember) priscilla queen of the desert. it started rather tepid but by conclusion, was quite heartfelt, ribald, colorful, & really well-sung. parts were better than some broadway shows i've gotten to see, even... bakersfield's got some  talent!
we snapped family pix & dad took this one. "you should see your husband," he grinned, & i just knew james was making "that face," that big cheesy whiteboy james oversized smile, & i giggled, resulting in what you see... he is cooking dinner & just dropped all the vegetables. if james had grown up with me, he would've been raised on the words "slow down," & "be careful!", dad's constant, stern admonitions to clumsy, impulsive me... i think we're gonna have pasta casserole, tho all i want to eat lately is ice cream bc of sore throat & fatigue & general sloth...
sick. bleh. this is a rare time in my life, when i have dragged myself to school BECAUSE I HAVE WANTED TO BE THERE. usually i flake out around this time of school year. ironically, bc i dragged my sick carcass in for 3 too many days, i now will be out two bc i made myself so sick instead of resting.
wanted to recount last week, a story about my hero.
at the end-of-day school bell, my friend christy said, "wanna go help me rescue a trapped raccoon?" no,  i thought, but bounded off w/her to a far edge of campus, where we saw a blue recyling lid crashing & banging through the weeds. we cornered a beautiful mama raccoon, scared, feral, & exhausted. she'd gotten trapped in the trash can lid & now wore it "like a tutu," christy kept saying.  the pe teacher had seen it earlier in the day, taken its pic (see here), posted it on social media, but what? not made sure someone would free the poor creature?
snarling & screaming & thrashing whenever we approached her w/brooms, the raccoon certainly would die over the weekend if we didn't somehow save her. she ran herself up against a tree & stuck, helpless, butt out & feet dangling. she shrieked & gnashed & lunged at us from her stuck position as we tried & tried to kick her loose from the plastic, or at least turn her over, but she as just too heavy for "us girls."
christy called many agencies, but no one would help. what crap, said one of the female custodians who later came over w/tuna can of water for the coon. no one cares about wild animals... i learned that the custodial crew had heard strange screams that morning; they had thought it was one of the school cats, but it didn't sound quite right. the mama raccoon had been trapped all day. her babies hadn't eaten or had water all day, that meant; neither had she.
christy finally had to leave for cross country practice, so there i was, alone w/the mother raccoon, who by this time we'd enclosed behind a large piece of iron fencing. i kept looking and looking into her primitive, pretty black eyes, wondering what was there... i got really blue.
too down to work, i retrieved teacher's editions from my room, put them in my car, then came back & sat vigil with the raccoon, hypnotized by her innocent, mysterious little masked face. she finally trusted me enough to rest her head tentatively against tree & dirt. she panted heavily, her teated girth expanding over & corseted painfully by the plastic lid.
we have a coon at our house that eats the cat's food, makes a mess outside our house, scares the dogs & cats, petulantly kills mouse families under the house in great terrifying night raids. it's an ugly guy, james has said. the cats attacked it one night; they could've been killed, but they wanted it gone, too. james seeks to take this ugly ruffian out.
this raccoon, by contrast, was so pretty, so helpless. she'd no doubt tear my face off if i got too close, but for those moments i sat there by her, between huge oak trees in quiet afternoon's dappling  sunlight, with the mountain breeze blowing through, i felt sad for her & thought i bonded with her some. it's such a hard world at times for girls.
i heard the male bus drivers would be there in about 45 minutes, after their routes were complete. they would help. i called james. then i sat.
kevin & jose finally arrived with welder's gloves & snow shovel. kevin dove in trying to free the animal; jose was more reticent. a guy from fort tejon who'd been called to help showed up, took one look, snickered, & said, "i'd put her down." i ignored him the whole time he was there after that. a**hole.
then a door slammed in the distance: james sauntered up, a determined gleam in his eye, his arms full of shears, clothing, gloves. he decisively tossed a trench coat over the raccoon. she freaked out & crashed against the iron railing. he grabbed the coat & tried again. covered, the animal calmed a bit. james grabbed the gardening shears he'd brought & started cutting off the recycling lid. this was difficult work bc the terrified, heavy, unwieldy animal kept moving & jerking, her fangs always close; the plastic also was very thick.
at one point, three men worked on freeing the raccoon, james in charge. jose held the snow shovel between james & the raccoon while kevin held her relatively still with a large piece of cardboard christy & i had brought. james kept cutting.
kevin handed james the shears he had brought, shorter but sharper. james had to remove his gloves & get right next to the raccoon to cut w/those. she could've bitten him at any time; he was careful but quick. finally he said, "get ready, she'd coming loose!" everyone lept back as w/one final cut, the plastic broke & the raccoon flopped free, rolling around a bit, disoriented. she then scampered up into the yoke of one of the oak trees.
we all cheered. we all hugged. the men hugged, high-fived, & shook hands. everyone left except kevin, james & i. the raccoon just sat there in the tree, her eyes now seeming soft, peering at us all. i like to think she was staying back to say thank you, but likely she was waiting til we all left so she could call her babies to eat.
james & i went to subway & had sandwiches. i couldn't stop smiling at him. a mama raccoon and her babies live today because of him. innocent lives go on today because of james. james, protector of the innocent. james...
my hero.

i don't think i want to write after all.
maybe later.

wednesday night!

zzzzzzzzzzzz

i really need to hit the sack! been up working on school for a few hours. excited about school! nervous, too, i won't do a good job... tho i know i'm "into this" much more than i used to be, the pedagogical part, that is, not just the kids part (always have liked the kids, been good w/the kids, like dad was, tho didn't inherit mama's "super teacher 200%" gene... angie got that!)
posting a few pix from last night. my new roland amp sounded cool! then i hit it hard and it took a crap!
it's not the amp... it's my keyboard.
arrrrrrrgggghhhhghggh!!!
i have one more gig wed at shenanigan's, the last for the combo there (for a while? forever? i dunno...)... so if i don't pound the piano, my rig should be ok.... then i gotta get it fixed.
man, i gotta go to bed! hope james's show at redwood room went great. :) my prediction is that it was packed... but i had to stay home for school.
excited about school! such a duty, to teach the young... saw one of my quite dutiful students at the dollar general as i went there, stalling so i wouldn't have to plan... so nice, such a warm, fuzzy feeling to see students and their parents while out and about. i'm not drunk! i'm a good person! i have no secrets. i am a good role model now. :)
i cautiously say, life is good. i know speed bumps are coming, they always are, but right now... smooth sailing.
time for mimis. may you be well. or to quote james, who quotes -- unbeknownst to him (tho probably not; his knowledge base is deep & startling to me always) -- kinky friedman, "may the god of your choice bless you."

aaaaahhh...

nice dinner at the golden spur (tho the sand dabs were quite weird)

- some happy news, after the sad posts of late. what is the happy news? i think it's that i started work friday.
yes! that's it!
- i would rather rest on my laurels, sleep late, eat bonbons (oh wait; i don't do that); watch tv instead of read (yes, i succumb, too often), but i know resting on laurels in my case leads to indolence, insolence, incontinence (emotional, that is), tho not impotence, no, we don't have that... in my case, idle hands definitely are (complete hoary warning)... both james & i do better when, like border collies, we have jobs.
- other good news for me is there's a cool app  i've been playing to beef up my scrabble/words with friends skills. we've deduced that a few ppl on fb w/whom we play are cheating. i don't want to cheat! i want to know how to play the game really well... such fun to manipulate words. so absorbing. mental gymnastics, too. might stave off dementia; who knows.
-what was i talking about?
-(shouldn't joke on that topic...)
-last week we took an overnighter to the inland empire of socal, the final hurrah before i started work. we had a fun trip start to finish. james & i did stuff together, like normal ppl (or as close as we'll ever figure normal ppl do). went to donut man, folk music center, rhino records, walked the dog, had a nice dinner, walked the dog in the morn to get bagels. next day he hung with his friends, me w/my dear donna. we shopped til we dropped at our favorite kinda places (discount), had "froyo" (i can't believe my eccentric friend used that popular name!), & ate tasty fish tacos at an outside stand. i sipped horchata & gazed at the san gabriels as a breeze blew; it seemed so wonderfully southern california. :)
- my friend showed me her immaculate & beautiful garden of which she is so rightfully enamored,  telling me proudly about all of her plants. this eve i took penny on a long hike, then came back & watered my little plants i had put in the pots earlier today. i never went into the 50th bd half marathon ordeal. see, i didn't finish: midway, after two bathroom stops, rumbling guts, sand in my shoes, & a boring, boring path, i JUST STOPPED. then i ran like hell back the hotel so i could get my breakfast, so i did complete a decent distance, but it was because i was going to have my hotel breakfast, dammit, or i was going to be really depressed!. also, the run to the hotel was fun because i was going someplace. a person i used to know called it "destination running." yes, i love that kind of run! the half marathon? it just depressed me, for some reason., so i didn't finish, & that was meaningful. the world isn't all or nothing. i can do small things & still be ok. i can even fail & still be ok.
not every day is a parade.
not every day is fireworks.
etc.
"do small things with great love" - mother teresa (mom & dad's license plate frame -- they should know; they do)
so i can water my little plants, jog because i want to, not to prove anything, & take life a little gentler in its second fifty years. (being optimistic & a little unrealistic, i realize.) also, i had the revelation this eve that i can honor my dear parents from here on by trying to learn to do what they each do so well. i've been learning to cook (james has been very happy & complimentary! and mama is the best cook!), & i need to teach myself to plant (dad is a lifelong gardener). they each do each of these things with such skill & with great love. also, each is a gentle & creative outlet that makes oneself & others happy. each task creates beauty & happiness.
-and so i will try.

sick, disgusted, sad

 am sick over the news i just read of cowardly ignorant racists' violent & horrifying actions today. murderers; stupid, putrid villains; human scum: they should be wiped off the earth. this eve i talked to a wise person who also has progressive views, but yes, we agreed: some people should just not be here (james is of the same mind, as well).
the 1st song i thought of was "nazi punks f*** off," by the dead kennedys, bc angie used to play it all the time & it's therefore burned in my brain, but looking up the lyrics & listening to it again after many decades, i realized that except for its title the fast, furious song is angry but not at all sad... i then flashed to the saddest, toughest, angriest song i know. its topic is war, but this shreddingly powerful proto-punk beauty despairs & slams so hard, it better reflects the shock & sorrow i'm feeling right now...
i didn't used to think of "search & destroy" as a sad song. in the 1980s, my drughead friends & i, all young & full of it, would listen to this & rave about its toughness, its coolness, but now? such futility, despair, &  nihilism. recently, listening to it with james, who'd never heard it, i exploded in tears. he merely listened, nodded, shook his head, his face grim.
the ones who fight, the cannon fodder, they truly are "forgotten boy[s]" (and now girls, too). war today is unfairly (wo)manned overwhelmingly by the children of the poor; war itself generally is forgotten in favor of social media, junk food, lives of materialistic indebtedness, & game of thrones; peaceful protest is squashed; more & more & more cowardly, sick, disenfranchised morons act upon their violent impulses; not to mention the nightmare & travesty of "the apprentice" in the oval office.... the world seems such a horrible place today.
but i know we can't give up. we must all try, all the time, to make the world a better place, ESPECIALLY when the news seems futile. birth of a nation (the original disgusting, fetid film, that is) & idiocracy must not become reality! now read this for a mordant laugh. and have a good day.

one year ago today, the world lost big manny

shocking to see my dear friend the gentle giant's pic on social media today. it has been one year since he left this mortal plane. i still think of him all the time, as i know so many, many others do. he was beautiful through & through, funny & sweet & irreverent & kind, could sing soaringly, like an angel,  or suggestively, so mischievously, so rockin', & he played guitar like chuck berry meets mount olympus. i hope manuel's family is doing better one year later, though that place where loved ones were is never, never the same... :(
yesterday, r.i.p to felix. he always was nice to me, a tall lean gray soul wearing thick glasses & a wise,  tight-lipped smile, looking bemused, relaxed, tough & resigned to this ridiculous life. he and james had A Shared Past, being real irish tough guys, knowing each other that way as well as through music for many decades. "f**k! listen to felix play the sh*t out of that harmonica!" james would exclaim. "f*ck!!"
felix had been very, very ill but continued to post angrily & righteously about cop abuse, his voice as  vital as ever, so it was shocking yesterday to learn of his death: he passed during surgery. we flashed back to 2015, when james had his near-death time, the day he finally went into surgery bc w/o it, he definitely wasn't going to make it. the doc sat me down & told me, "i'm gonna be straight with you. he might not survive this surgery. it's real risky." my head reeling, i levitated to the chapel, dumb w/shock, knelt down, shaking, stunned, & started rambling to whomever or whatever is Good in the ether. what else could i do? after a few minutes, in one of the most comforting yet creepy moments of my life, a kindly male voice in my head suddenly said, "don't worry. he's going to be ok. dry your eyes & go back upstairs." that's only happened one other time, when the voice told me "go to aa" when i was in a big bag of sh*t on the night of my last drink back in 1995...
felix lived to near-70, a long life for a working musician. i hope his long life was pleasing to him, that busting heads, blowing harp, kicking against the jams, & all that he did brought him a good life. requiescat in pace, tommy felix flanagan.