Bed Post

arrrrrrrggggggggggghhh!!!

I am posting from bed using speech to text. I will talk slowly and clearly to avoid embarrassing, even sometimes treacherous misspellings that occur when I talk too quickly. (A recent one I sent without checking said I'd be running with my nipples dragging me, not running with my puppy dragging me & in WHAT POSSIBLE PHONETIC UNIVERSE COULD THAT HAVE OCCURRED EXCEPT ONE GOVERNED BY THE HILARIOUS GOD OF HUMILIATION???) Can't do much about usage and grammar errors that occur, such as in the last sentence when speech to text believed to to have one o, not two. Just now when I said one o, and it just did it again, speech to text enter the numeral 100. It doesn't understand context, such as the differences between forms of there, in that way being like many of my dear little students. Lately speech-to-text seems to be less accurate, and maybe that's because its algorithm actually has worsened more as ensuing millions of people with different accents use it and confuse it. I dunno. Parentheses had to type that one. Close parentheses. Haha
Last night I was thinking about my husband and did something I haven't done in a long while which was write some songs. The trick is 2 just let them roll out, see what happens . One came out pretty funny and cool. I wonder if I'll ever be able to record it or play it with others. I love teaching, but I miss playing music.
Right now doggy's laying on my sore hip stretching it out, my canine chiropractic traction device. We are supposed to run at the park. Zzzzzzzz.
Here's a picture Corey sent from two weeks ago when I had to carry most of the show because James was egregiously late. You can see the stress on my face, but in the end I remembered, although grimly, that I can be a band leader when needed. I wish I'd known he wouldn't be there so that I could have practiced and also that we could have had a sound system for the first 1.5 sets when Anthony was late arriving as well. Oh well. It is what it is. Corey told me she had to leave shortly after taking this pic, but reality was she was stressed out someone was going to get mad or say something to me and so bailed out. "I told Christy I gotta go or I'm going to have to punch somebody in the face if they say something mean to Jenny," she told me. She is a great friend. And apparently when she taught off the hill, a barroom brawler. Yet another thing she and James have in common.
Spring is in the air and my students are feeling  it. The bed is soft and warm, the light soft and golden through the curtains, but it's time to get up and start another day.

"soul and swagger: the complete '5' royales, 1951-1967"

gray haired me with the prettiest box set ever

i got this in the mail this afternoon & am so excited, i only can read it a little at a time -- like the first blooms of love: too much just kills you, too much is overwhelming!!! it is a beautiful, beautiful hard-bound, full-color, 109-page book that also contains all session personnel/details & record labels for ALL the 5Rs' 45 releases & their 4 LP covers... plus FIVE CDs!!!!
it was hard to meditate at the meeting. i just kept thinking about the gorgeous, tough, funny, brilliant music of lowman pauling, the genius of the "5" royales. i hope we get to go out to north carolina to see the dedication to be made there in upcoming months of LP's home, where the band used to rehearse... well, time to do some exercises before putting the 1st disc on... or i might wait til tomorrow & just read the book tonight. the music can be too stirring! i need to sleep to get to school bright & shiny tomorry.

blablablablablablablablabla

just took the most beautiful hike up to 5944 ft., a path i've never explored bc i thought it too remote, but it was not at all. at that elevation, there was snow & an expansive view of the canyon that contains our town. the ground also was muddy & the sun was lowering. the path had crested & i could see ahead was going to descend for a while before heading back up to a summit that was somewhere out of sight. it was time to head back, so sled dog & i slid all the way back down along switchbacks & slopes.
another gem discovered! so nice to walk out the front door, trek a mile, & find a new place to labor up into the big trees!
other than that, been fighting a sinus infection all week, but nothing like what james, then my friend corey got. what each of them went through was super-frightening!!! so grateful both are back on the path to wellness... so grateful for james's sister for having been there to help when he was struck suddenly very ill in so-cal...
in a different vein, just discovered you can slow the speed of youtube videos, so i've been practicing amos's boogie by amos milburn, learning a new left hand boogie pattern using the gene taylor method: practice the left hand while reading, while eating, while talking on the phone... it's very effective, as you'd guess, since gene taylor's the best boogie-woogie piano player of this age!
it's the weekend, but i gotta do saturday school tomorrow. i prefer never to do extra duties unless it's my idea but was kind a put in a can't-say-no-or-look-like-jerk spot. sister angie (who came up here & got her 1st degree black belt tuesday!! she is a bada*s!!!) sent me some art lesson plans, so i think the kids will be happy tomorrow with what we do. thank you, angie!!!
today a kid was careless & knocked me hard onto the classroom floor when she shoved the legs of her chair out as i walked by. her little eyes bugged & she clasped her mouth & the class gave a collective shudder as i slammed into the ground: and i couldn't get up, having landed full-weight on my kneecaps!!
sh*t!! thought i, i just got over the hip injury!! it was one of those hurts that knock the breath out of you tho it was no place near my breathing organs, so i crouched there til i could get up without crying or cussing... my student's lesson was to be more careful; mine was to be more cautious when near a hyper child, or when around children in general. as i hiked & sometimes broke into a jog & felt stabs in my knees, i thought of all the teachers i've known who've been injured over the years just being around kids...
well, it's foggy out & i hope i can go run behind the high school tomorrow... and maybe james will go, too. that is another really beautiful trail that is really close by! can't wait to get to wind wolves, too: that nature preserve, located just below us in the southern san joaquin valley off the 166 headed for taft, is supposed to be quite gorgeous!!
time for some peanut butter dinner. my favorite food! so happy that nuts, tho fat bombs, are nutritious. remember the words of hippocrates: "let food be thy medicine & medicine be they food."

snowbound!

haven't blablablogged for a bit. we've been hit hard with snow storms! in the month of february, we had two holidays & i was at professional development once... then there were FIVE SNOW DAYS and two or three late starts due to icy roads! that's a lot of lost academic time for the kids. we've all lost our momentum, i think: i'm looking forward to getting back to work in march, uninterrupted by mother nature's beautiful, tempestuous vagaries...
snow patches still sit in small & large banks on our property & the mountains that surround still are speckled white (the lingering snowiness has made me think lately of when i used to go to colorado, of boulder, of denver, of my dear departed brother-in-law paul briggs). i saw streams of snow bunnies coming in today, a steady traffic stream from the cities to see snow. many locals complain about them, but as corey said, "why do they think WE all moved here???" we agree that much of the complaining likely is racist: most of the visiting families are hispanic.
the biggest problem is trash, but if local agencies had a better system in place to deal with these bunnies, who come each & every single mother loving year like clockwork, locals could have no complaints of broken sleds & food garbage left behind.
we haven't been able to do much this past month. my fingers have been too cold to play piano much or type. we ran out of firewood, & in the brief spells between storms, foraged some from here & there. the fireplace, loaded with blazing timber, was wondrous every time, bringing life & comfort. we had a particularly nice time one day sitting like two old folks by the welcoming blaze, reading our books to  the gentle snaps, crackles, & pops from the hearth. we made soup, we watched movies, i read books & jogged & took penny for many icy, snowy hikes (& today, six miles with christy z, finally to the snow-covered summit of "edison"!)...
as for much else, james said it: "you can't do SH*T when it's cold like that!!"
the other day we drove out to lancaster to get some warmth & enjoy that funky little desert town. we love the drive, too, out along the wide-open valley through podunk towns like neenach & fairmont (there's no town, just a sign), singing along with bob wills & loving life. we walked the boulevard, happened onto a TERRIFIC art exhibit (catherine coan's exhibit in particular was brilliant, mad, funny... just smashing!), got a coffee jolt while grinning at an impossibly cute little man-baby in red & black hunting vest, went to our favorite grocery store, winco, & bought prizes for my students, lugged what firewood we could find from a felled tree at the end of the old road at 138, found dad some ultra-thick socks in a chinese restaurant-trinket shop.
tomorrow will be 51 degrees. life is back on! we got a real winter this past year, but spring's approaching & we can't wait!!!
link to lancaster art museum: exhibit we saw was called "peace on earth," as good or better than any exhibit i've seen anyplace in the world!
taxidermist, artist, writer, gorgeous madwoman catherine coan
ps, her installation was a small drawing room filled with her pieces, & the series that really caught my eye caused me to exclaim, "look! the birds have died doing stupid things humans do!!" this part of the exhibit was called "canary suicides."
!!
effortlessly cool, urbane, strange, & brilliant,"word jazz"king ken nordine left this earth last week, his visit to this planet having lasted 98 years young. rest in peace, oh hipster voice of god, oh great & powerful one!!!
flibberty jib, flibberty jab!

twiddle twiddle twiddle...

mapmyrun! what a terrific app/site! we stop every
single time penny wants to, which is 2% of the
reason for my slow times... :)

looking out at I-5

-last night i finally got to schoolwork planning & it got interesting, then i had to go to bed. i'd been fretting & procrastinating bc there's a storm supposed to come in, & when that happens, teachers & students (& parents, likely) hold their collective breath waiting for those magic words: "snow day." this morn it was coming down pretty cold & sleety-looking. i know that when that happens, brave patrice, head of MO in our district, gets up at buttcrack-thirty, boards a bus, & hammers out to the PMC road. (our bus drivers are kinda like mad max that way. one once told me, mimicking a downward gearbox shove, when the snow comes & they gotta get the kids home, "we just drop the chains & GO!!") the steep, windy PMC road, leading to the alpine village known as pine mtn club, is what makes or breaks the school day: it's notorious for hiding black ice patches that wipe out unsuspecting drivers...
- patrice called it. no school today. i type that as i look at a heartbreakingly-blue sky. that's how our weather is up here: screwy, fickle, mercurial. (that reminds me: how do i get rid of this queen earworm i've had going for some weeks? every time i relax my thoughts, i hear freddie mercury's soaring, plaintive voice & rock anthems in my noggin... oh well; it could be so, so much worse as far as earworms go...)

this looks like little in the pic, but was so steep, i had to
ascend in a crouch, using my hands, near the top!

- i was all ready for school, already had talked/texted/facetimed with all my loved ones & dear friends, eaten breakfast, cleaned house yesterday, so my thumbs started twiddling, twiddling, twiddling. yes, this weekend i got all the little things fixed that needed it, did all the chores... all that was left was... bills.
- must find diversion quick! by 9 am i was messaging a local antique dealer who is giving a bunch of stuff away. i'm trying to collect little gifts for my students to give their moms on dia de las madres. i want it all! i was just realizing how overbearing i was becoming to the poor woman (free things!! must have!! drool!!!! slaver!!) when a sponsee called & broke the obsession. i meet with her soon, but earlier, with hours to go, i took penny on a hike on a beautiful fire road i've been thinking a lot about since i started reading the wonderful reverie the man who walked through time by colin fletcher, which scott jurek had recommended in his wonderful eat and run. (i highly recommend both titles! wow! great writing & topics!)

the tiny town of frazier park looked even tinier from edison

- christy z told me last summer this road is called "edison," as in, "wanna go up edison?" ... sounds so cool... but edison is steep! windy! removed from civilization! penny & i went just 2 miles in; past that, though i could see the summit, i decided i shouldn't go without company.
- next time! it was quite a wonderful hike/jog as-was, up in the billowing clouds & wide sky looking down, down, down upon our toy-sized town/village & the tiny interstate, rounding a curve & being braced by the most invigorating mountain breeze, slogging & huffing & pounding up, then wheeee!! downhill all the way back...!

happy dog sniffed all kinds of new things today

- my thighs haven't been worked this much, so high on the quad muscle, in some time. i'll be sore, but boy, it was sure fun. :) after that, home again, lots of water, some soda, & an everything bagel with butter: nothing else could have tasted as good!




- better prep to go try to be of some good use... snow day!

Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy

I really couldn't be happier right now (unless I weighed 10 lbs less). Am under the covers on our bed looking straight out at the snow falling on the beautiful mountains around listening to James singing to himself downstairs, just booked us another trip to New Orleans, one of our very favorite places in the world, and while I did that we  listened to Sam Chatmon, whom James had never heard! And he played some Scrapper Blackwell and we agreed this country might have some big problems these days, but nothing beats our American music!... Here's a picture from the Elvis show and one of our kitty this morning looking out at the snow. Needed to record this memory since if I don't, all soon will be gone... sooner than it will be eventually, anyhow! Thank you, labor unions, because without you, I would have no weekend to enjoy this beautiful day!

Wonderful

just had the most wonderful chat with my parents about their fulfilling lives as retired creative do-gooders and my fulfilling life living in the mountains, working with children, playing music. am mentioning that conversation here so that i'll remember it... am burrowed under blankets now with doggy awaiting the hunter home from the hills, the sailor home from the sea. weather report says snow all week, but i'll believe it when i see it! meanwhile, we again are having wind gusts like a busy airfield is just up the hill. it's been like that off and on all week! never thought weather would become so important in my life! it's a huge factor in what one does or doesn't do day by day around here..

happy birthday to EAP tomorrow, on being vain, & WBJ late at night

- i wonder if elvis was vain.
- i mean, how could he have looked like he did & NOT have been?!? how could he not have gazed in the mirror & thought, "i am the most angelically handsome man ever born" or "i have the face of a greek god, the voice of a rockin' caruso & the charisma of 1000 men; i am the most blessed-by-god human creature ever created"???
- i mean, he HAD to know what he possessed, even if he was known to be basically shy, a humble country boy...
- i'm basically shy, too -- and having said that, will now exhaust my commonalities with that god placed on earth, elvis aron presley. let's see: dark hair; love of blues, gospel, western music, play a little piano, 7 syllables in our full names... &... uh... both homo sapiens... &... &... well, that's really all.
- last night i drove in torrential rain to the elvis birthday bash at joe's, sang a few songs, hung out a little, saw in a short hour at least 15 people "from the old days" (art fein! long time, no see! thank you for letting me be there!), met many  swell others, then headed home, again in torrential rain, hydroplaning, grateful for my little car's "intelligent all-wheel drive." the show was packed & big fun, but i couldn't stay bc the dog-girl was at home alone.
-ok, this next part is going to sound really nutty, but here goes:
i took a lot of photos in that short time, & these ones came back with me not looking so bad, so i got in this weird mind-state, obsessed with how i didn't look ugly, even checking back at the photos many times to see if they were real, thinking, "is that ME? that can't be me." (see? i'm a pioneer, having been a narcissist long before selfies.)
- then today mister paul body, who's always so gentlemanly, dressed to the nines, posted a video of my song & eeeeeep.... i looked & sounded really super ugly... horrifyingly so... :( so then i started to plunge into that other weird mind-state -- not the dreamy rapture that whispers, "hey, you look like an attractive female... you look like other human women... hey, maybe you're OK!" -- but the plummeting shame-fueled one: "you're  a monster!! an impostor!!! you're a beast!!! there's no hope!!"
- jeez!!!!
- these flareups of dysmorphia & my continuing, lurking addict thinking are so sick. i know the dysmorphia comes from malfunctioning neurochemicals that receive incorrect visual info. then my stupid addict mind, in continual search of a higher power, will replace it w/just about anything if i'm not careful -- in this case, physical appearance ("human suit," calls it james). i hate these stupid episodes of vanity!!!!!!
- thank goodness jani & i are working the steps again... THANK G.O.D.!!!
- luck or divine intervention caused us to have a fog delay at school, so we all got to go in 2 hours late, which was good bc last night was a late one!! the kids were happy & i was so glad to see them as well as corey & lucy & a few others!! a package came at the post office, then, the sun lingering longer in the sky,  dog-girl & i had a nice jog/hike in the nearby hills, the light & air pure loveliness. my dinner quesadilla with chipotle sauce was tasty.
- finally, here is the front & back cover of james's upcoming CD-EP. it should be completed by week's end, & then we will get it printed. it's a very well-performed piece, evidencing what a critic wrote of james, that tho bawdy & tough, he "wears his heart on his sleeve" and is "a throwback to early blue performers." his vocals & playing came out so pure & solid. the other day when he recorded the last cut, him at his computer & me, adjacent, at mine, his voice was so plaintive & powerful, i burst into tears.
- dang talented james!!!! he can really move a soul!! he, too, is truly blessed by god, the universe, the great cosmic stew. some folks just got it! the rest of us can watch in wonder. :) that's ok with me! :D

the things that we two could plan / would make the earth stand still

at the rick estrin show... thank you, pat
evans, for tickets! WBJBE will play no
stinkin' service charge show in april.

i was nervous, but now am quite happy bc james and i are going to be part of art fein's birthday bash again. :) -- nervous bc i've not been involved in that show for many years & tho @ asked for  performers, i didn't know if he'd still want me in there bc i sort of dropped off the earth musically when james & i married. to be honest, i also was nervous bc my hair's no longer black & my waist no longer smaller than my head (vanity had to be part of the reluctance, of course) (then corey yelled at me, "they've all gotten old, TOO!" in other words, get over yourself! thank you, corey)... then we took ronnie mack & tammy out to dinner at the old icehouse in bakersfield, where they now live, & ronnie flat-out invited us. thanks!! ronnie told some great stories & did the funniest imitation of walter brennan;and tammy is amazing!! she is a kung foo chinese style black belt, a high-energy friendly person who will talk your head off. she and james got in their stances in the parking lot; very funny! did i say i'd been sick? sick sick sick, couldn't get out of bed at mom & dad's, but then we moved from ronnie & tammy to rick estrin show which was HUGE fun: rick estrin is just the greatest frontman out there, i think, so weird, smooth, & talented. i'd rather watch him than just about any other male performer out there these days, especially since my other fave, besides my husband, has been greatly diminished in power by illness & tho he still performs bravely, lacks the arrogant confidence that once made him so magnetic... :(
but back to elvis show! it's on sunday and at joe's, which is only one hr from here, & tho it starts at 6 pm,  i don't know what time we're on. i was flattered bc ronnie wants me to two do of my own songs, then james will do two: ronnie remembers me as a performer, not just wife of whiteboy james! i'm doing a mashup of "one night of sin/one night with you" because the lyrics when combined sort of tell the story of james & i, & he's doing "trying to get to you," which is the first song i ever heard him sing, the first time i met him in da flesh... at the elvis bash in 2010! that's the eve he claims he saw me get out of the car "with my male entourage" with "birds and little animals flying around my head singing" and that night told his ex-guitarist "i'm gonna marry that girl" and my ex-guitarist teased me, "someone liiiiiikes you!" & i thought "whiteboy james LIKES ME!!" because he kissed me about 100x, tho we had just met... (i've told that story 100 times, but i still can't quite believe it: even w/all our times of the blues & strife, james is the love of my life & i am the love of his.)
the house is cold & the cat is so much more sociable after we returned from 4 days gone (bakersfield & ventura, the latter at which we went to the drive-in on ny eve, with two great runs in there even tho i was sick half the time)... they both slept on me the other day, the cat & dog, that is: so nice. and james is singing & playing away in the basement (we're planning a "live" solo CD for him, something to get out soon, very exciting, i can't wait to mix the music & create the packaging for it) & today he received his first "screener" from SAG, the movies that screen actors' guild members vote on. i wonder if he'll get to go to the awards ceremony? when he's done practicing, we're supposed to make a fire & watch the first film, which is something with glenn close...
i'm reading right now eat and run by scott jurek, the standout hero from my favorite running book of all time, born to run, & it's one of the best books on any topic i've read in a long time... well, it's 2019, the year of blade runner, & i've sort of resolved to do three day patterns of yoga/meditate-run-strength & to become bilingual (spanish) by year's end... and how bout you?
penny is howling plaintively, so high-pitched & sorrowful.
gonna go now.

a big pile o' sh*t

-just was reading about that ultra-unfortunate presence, the resident of the usa. :( that prompted the title of this post. :( a dear friend of mine thinks the world is not long due to the resident's actions... i hope she is just going through empty nest syndrome; i've never heard such gloom from my friend, whom i've known near-30 years. she's never even remotely political. her fundamentalist-christian brother thinks it's end times, too, tho for different reasons... ok, on to other shtuff...
-we urgently need to go to the dump. and get rid of mucho crap. this isn't like carlin's routine where my stuff is stuff & his stuff is sh*t: it's all sh*t!!
-i'm just taking a break. i was out in our big yard throwing lumber and other large pieces of heavy stuff onto the 2nd driveway, hoping for a dump run. the wind is whipping around outside. we need to paint this house. we need to paint & organize. i need to vacuum, my most hated job after toilet cleaning.

- the christmas/manuel tribute show went well. i fear i did sh*tty, tho i got nothing but the sincerest praise. it wasn't about me; the show needed to happen. i'm just being self-critical bc i saw pix & still don't look like i did when i was 40. i worry about my human suit... even though everything means nothing. maybe love means something. manuel represented love. he still does, to so many, many people. christmas was nice. our school plays went well. i saw cody, my elder stepson whom i've not seen in 3 years, at the show. that was sure a love experience. :) should have no complaints.
- we're going to take a wee vacation in a few days. the house is suffocating me. we need to get rid of mountains of sh*t. my life is pretty damned good. i love my family, my pets, my husband, my life. every deadline lately has been a real hit. i feel restless. i need to run: literally, that is, not figuratively.
- this all makes no sense; sometimes a soul's just in a mood. goodbye for now.

death warmed over

that reminds me, the new microwave just blew up.
one of my tiniest students has been sick with a high fever, very worrisome. she is a very small, delicate child. i hope she is better today. i so love my students. another few also have been really sick. today i am very sick, really weird & painful head symptoms & no energy, just blah; i'm like a sitting, standing blob of dumb soreness. our christmas play is not coming along so well... a month was not enough time for them to pull it all together after the roaring success of their haunted house. i feel terrible for scrooge, the kid i had to fire last year. he is really excelling this time... meanwhile, most others are near-crazy with visions of holidays & are not able to focus. then this gorgeous red husky came up the other day & we made the fatal error of naming him. then heard he is owned by someone who mistreats him & has not come to get him, though he has been told we have him. (i don't know where the guy lives... that is the only good thing here bc if i did, i'd feel compelled to return him, & sounds like this individual doesn't deserve to have this gentle, noble creature.) that plus manuel show, too many potlucks (one is too many, in my opinion), upcoming christmas, marriage, all this is too much right now. i wish we could keep buddy the dog, who is not just so very handsome, but docile & sweet. he even likes hanging out in the dog house dad bought penny, which penny never uses. and he lets penny, half his size, be the alpha dog, which is fortunate. bleh.... i am useless today. i feel physically like what i wrote at top, and emotionally just overwhelmed, like i said. so to do something, i did the dishes & made a final poster for sunday. i think it will be a rockin joyous feliz navidad for all. i am certain that manuel, in whose honor we are having teh show, would be very happy. :) and cody might be there. i haven't seen my older stepson in years. he is a really good egg who tries to save the world. friends are coming. i am a bless-ed individual. i'm gonna now post this & go lie down for a bit more before we take buddy lou page to the shelter on the hill so that the jerk who owns him will have to go get him & defend himself  before he can take him back. i wrote a note to accompany buddy entitled "red husky" explaining what i know. i said we'd like to adopt him, if it comes to that, tho i'm sure a beautiful beast like buddy will be swooped up quickly.

blablablablablablablablablablablablabla

everything lately is good, just good, just fine, really nice, swell, cool! the biggest news has been snow! it really snowed! here are some pix. click on public posts for 2nd snow day and 1st snow day
and here is some great! news!!! i rally wanna go to nc for this, which'll be my first time in the carolinas... must be there!! when really nothing's important in the Grand Scheme, this is Important! 5 royales plaque
i'm procrastinating. there's a pile of gifts i have to wrap, the pile's i'm not kidding 4.5 feet tall, i gotta get that stuffed wrapped, everything i wrap looks like charlie brown's christmas tree, going to bakersfield soon, hanukkah 8k tomorrow, found out i can bring penny, need to make updated flyer for christmas show with performers' names, listening to big manny christmas album & wrapping gifts, procrastinating, better run before i don't do it at all...

big manny christmas chango jam dec 23!

manuel used a phrase, "chango jam," which means monkey jam, & me, him, & James had shared pix of chimps playing guitar, harmonica, & piano. manuel said we could call our band "monkey see, monkey do."
the performers at this jam, the one on the poster, won't be changos, but manuel's phrase seemed a good one to use in order to keep the tone light and happy. hope if you can that you will come! here is link to the FB public event: https://www.facebook.com/events/1776778882448620/
here is a pic of me from our wonderful catalina trip. the finish of this race was special bc they announced my name, town,  time, & people were cheering even  from the sidelines! since i'm never a front-runner, that finish experience was a happy novelty... happy sunday.

sad & super-excited

...a strange emotional brew...
something i thought someone else would host for the last year never happened, so this year it looks like it will happen if i get it started! i hope it will happen...
the coffee maker blew up
so i'm gonna head to santa clarita to get another
and... shop both big dollar stores
meanwhile need to pay h2o bill before they shut it off
water here is so expensive!
paid the damned bills
made some calls
feet are cold
need to run
my mind is racing and confused
need to run
a friend texted she'd just "smoked a big bowl"... sometimes i think...
...
...
nah, better not.
more later

"frah-GEE-leh... must be italian!"

-darrin mcgavin's classic line from the irreverent fun of a christmas story aside, life is fragile, we are fragile, children especially can be fragile. this past week my performing & fine arts elective at our school put on an ASTOUNDING haunted house! the children were scary, hammy, gory, creepy fun, the sets they dreamed up more ghoulish than i could have, even with a lifetime of horror films within my shoes. we had a wonderful halloween party hosted by parents. the kids returned the next day emotional basket cases. i thought maybe it was sugar overdose. the next day was even more difficult, sad, & worrisome. my students are fragile. i must tend to them as best i can.

51 years in issaquah, wa

typical shopping with james :)

-in my youth, i had an a**hole of a boyfriend who had a tall, gallant, sad, grayed father, an engineer & korean conflict vet, who pronounced solemnly  that teaching was "a noble profession." more and more i feel that... also that, in addition to helping other alcoholics to find sobriety, teaching is similarly a sacred duty. my job becomes more vital each year i get to do it.

seattle with bennetts

seattle

-i'm uploading this entire year's worth of photos right now to facebook. 11 months of photos takes a loooooooong time to upload up here. recently i received a box of coffee from new orleans, LA, & delicious tho it is, it has less caffeine... i hardly can stay awake. then again, this torporous languor might be due to this 1st day of daylight savings time, which seemed to start perfectly on this day when at "old" 6 am, unlike just yesterday, outside was black, but by "new" 6 am, the wide sky sighed with autumnal hues, grays, burnt orange & umber, then pinks, reds & blues: it was time to get up, & the clock change coincided with the heavens. it seemed not just beautiful, but miraculous, tho of course the whole concept of DST was based on much research prior to its implementation...

laurel's wedding

ok, well, we have many chores inside & outside today, so i'd better get to it. here are some pix of mister james & i from the 2000 i'm uploading.
be safe, & care for your fellow beings, human & otherwise.

procrASStination

this morn as i showered, i contemplated how to renovate the bathroom & then, as i felt my crooked teeth (kids, always wear your retainers!), i started wondering what my skeleton looks like. i'm sure you know that not a one is the same, especially when it come to the human skull. is there a way i could see my skeleton without having to become a millionaire first in order to afford expensive & unnecessary x-rays?
long ago i recall seeing an x-ray of my skull; i must've been living in bakersfield, where i had chronic head illness & pain & doctor visits. i wish i could've kept that thing. i believe i slipped the x-ray out of its over-sized envelope & took a peek as i transported it from one dr office to another...
all this digression & procrastination means one thing: today is the deadline for me to prepare our taxes.
when i've prepared taxes, i've always done it on time, being unbrave or less foolhardy than aunty rita & uncle henry were. (he was a millionaire, but didn't pay for over 10 years. she never paid. screw them!! was their attitude... and when they DID have to pay, hoo-boy, they loudly complained! it became family lore!)
in 2017, i saved every one of our receipts, having in 2017 just prepared our turbotax & seen that you can deduct state sales tax from every single purchase... and this really appealed to my felix unger or ocd-leaning side... but this just meant that come april 2018, immersed in teaching & Life, we had this ginormous sack, a looming mountain, of unsorted receipts. so i filed for an extension.
anyways, so now i'm conducting an experiment on which is the best new orleans chicory coffee, having ordered online union (local version of community, i read); luzianne; and cdm. so far, union is winning, though luzianne's instant coffee is the best i've ever had... and let's see; what else: my hip pain has subsided finally, after months, due to yoga, so i guess it's time for me to fall down or get knocked down & become injured again... and let's see: we had a gig friday night, a real dud (not our part; the band kicked ass, & henry carvajal subbed on guitar) at a place that could be a hopping music venue in downtown pasadena but instead is just a crappy dud, but james & me, we had lots of fun on the rides over & back... and let's see...
i'm drawing a blank now...
that means...
arrrgggghhh!!
taxes!!!!!

run for your life!!! (or walk... or crawl...)

glad that once upon a time i was a typesetter! my young life then was creepy & crappy to great degree... but i learned to make ads! hope you go, if you're local or just driving by along I-5.

blablablablablablablablablabalblablablablabla

james told me he'd come home in the morning, & he did. he played shenanigan's last night, & even if he'd begged me to go, i couldn't, yesterday getting sideswiped by severe ear & throat pain... crap! i went a whole month at school w/o getting sick... so the weekend's been a big blah as i've rested & done little except fiddlefart around the house & yard & watch tv & get faint & go back to bed.. so he came in this early morn all cheerful & handsome & today's been a good one tho i didn't really move til i finally took cold medicine. prior to that, i tried natural remedies all weekend: warm compress on ears, hot tea with lemon, a horrible concoction of ACV, baking soda, turmeric & cinnamon... was reluctant to take cold med bc sometimes speedy stuff makes me psycho, but this med just allowed me enough energy to get out of bed, so we played music all afternoon, trying to make videos, now talking about making a lo-fi record together, so many plans: we really need to narrow it down!! but it was great fun. at one point i started playing some changes & remarked it sounded like a show tune & james launched immediately into a cornball  schmaltz of his own creation, off-the-cuff, about a boy who returns to his high school reunion to show all of THEM!! -- singing broadly, gesticulating dramatically: such a born showman james is!! that was a video keeper, but he didn't want to post it, so... i got this pic to commemorate our fun afternoon.
and what's that on my nose? oh well.
when he's back from walking penny, we'll watch either beastmaster or black panther & cozy up for the eve. i hope i'm well enough tomorrow to get back to school bc i don't want to be absent!!

waiting for james...

we played last night at sue's. it's great to go just one mile for a gig. just wonderful! the bottom register of the keyboard sounded just wrong to me; i hope it's an amp setting; it sounded really un-piano-like!! but people were great & nice & complimentary & the eve was fun enough.
after our little set, i cleared the stage for us while james bsed with people, then i got to sit with christy & corey for a while, my dear school friends. devin & arestina were there, too, looking flushed with good health, just back from their exercise class, happy & sober in the bar. "i'm gonna get a shirley temple," devin giggled, & then they headed for the pool tables.
the skinny, swooping, tall drink of water rio collins got up & did a silly blue comedy show. the audience was positive, & i admired how he handled a drunk heckler. when things got pretty loud & ribald, corey told christy, "let's go before we end up in the paper!!" and they scooted along.

after the show, i went home &, still amped up, took pix with the animals, inspired when peewee jumped on the electric piano: "kitten on the keys" is a famous old tune by zez comfrey. penny absolutely wouldn't be still until she was let go, as you can see in the pix.
 i put on pjs, drank some warm milk, & went to bed.
1230 or so, james rolled in with rio the comedian. they laughed & told stories, but kept voices down & i stayed in slumberland. when i woke up, rio was sacked out on the couch, all wrapped up like a skinny burrito in one of our down comforters. i had a good day at school with the kids. when i got home, james was making dinner & rio had hit the road, being an itinerant comedian who books his own gigs & travels all the time. james, as usual, had made a new friend.

how many ways to stall??

another just popped up in junk mail: "click here to see how YOU resemble long-lost family members around the world"... or some such no-doubt lying junk.
the only time i saw ppl who "looked like us" was at a tribal summit some years back in coastal orange county (the only summit i've managed to get to). there were many yellowish-looking people with weak-colored eyes & limp hair, kind of mixed & weird-looking folks like i am & like some of my immediate family members are, too... i liken my sister's and my looks compared to our parents to the actress amanda plummer, interesting but never a beauty, not one bit, & her father, christopher, who was quite handsome in his youth. i just don't know what happened to us visually bc mom & dad were quite good-looking young people... but really, this kinda stuff matters less & less as the years erode everything about this human suit...
i am supposed to be working on school, so instead this weekend i deep-cleaned the whole house (including... james's quarters... the black hole of doom...) took penny for a slow jog (if i don't move my hip, it doesn't hurt), put latches on screen doors, watched MST3K (did you know incredibly strange creatures who stopped living & became mixed-up zombies was filmed in large part at long beach's long-gone beloved amusement-park-by-the-sea, the pike?? that was a definite highlight in an otherwise dreadful dog of a movie!!), feverishly researched tiny houses with hopes to install one on the back slope for mom & dad (latest obsession), walked across town (1.5 miles) & met christy & corey for breakfast, walked penny & corey's sweet dog mama at the park w/corey & adorable maya, continued cleaning, did the dishes, started proofreading dad's book, moved 5 wheelbarrows of dirt from the slope to the driveway...
i want to work, but i am afraid. i want so badly to do a good job this year. i have a very small class at this point. i guess part of me fears i will work hard, yet fail, anyways. i've had so little of that in my life. in my youth, i succeeded at everything i tried (except, near-fatally, over & over again, love relationships).
well, here's getting to it. the kids deserve it!!

no time, no blog!

yes, james got food, too: one of many vacation hog-outs

i haven't blogged in some time because well, i've been busy! it's also a big pita (teacher acronym for "pain in the a*s") to have to log out of my work account, log in to this "junk" account, scroll down, ahh: luxury problems! but not only hasn't there been time, it's not seemed important! however, here's a great blog that deserves more attention & time than i have currently; however, maybe you who read this will: nerds
we had a lovely family vacation. lovely! it was super-fun beginning to end. the gias, the bennetts, the pages... what fun! i could write & write about it! but... no time.
school has resumed. i have a tiny class. i love them! it will be a good year. the class is so small, i should be able to differentiate much more effectively. i've been able to identify the enrichment as well as at-risk kids already. i am hopeful i can help them mucho!

3 school bus stops are right across from our house: we
just gotta have one of these!

one of the highlights of vacation, just to quickly mention, was dumpster-diving with sister near the troll sculpture in seattle. we scored! all new stuff! rich people's trash is the best! another highlight was jog/walking (hip still injured) to a meeting where a nice man at the alano club counter purchased & said a prayer over a sobriety chip he then gave to me (i told him i was waiting for my family to arrive with my purse so i could buy one for myself). on the way, i saw a woman picking berries.
the northwest u.s. has the greatest biomass in the world. the area was suffering a dry, hot patch while we were there, one of the extremes characterizing the world's climate change, but everything still was so dark green, green, green! i was haunted by uncle ralph's backyard; you step out of the house to a cathedral of soaring, silent, majestic forest... dumbfounding! humbling! our backyard of stretching scrubby mountains brings my heart peace; these startling giants made me cry! so beautiful! how does a person have a backyard  like that & go on with their workday???? it was staggering.

gilded bowl i was gonna "swap meet" but can't part w/yet!

james & doug became such buds on the trip, so funny & loud together, funny & quick as any comedy team you can imagine; people even took video & pix of them as they walked around portland & seattle, doing their thing... the next week doug came to visit up here & as i took out the trash, i could hear them roaring & exchanging verbal patter: so funny! they don't do it for others, but for their own enjoyment! i hope their bromance continues for many moons to come...
i gotta run to bako to get groceries & stuff for school. check out the link!

"dancing doug" at uncle ralph's w/his archie mcphee appendages...
damn! the video doesn't work! oh well; believe me, it was
hilarious, doug dancing to me banging out st louis blues
on uncle ralphy's neat old piano...

musica musica musica

thumping from the basement is james playing along to johnny cash records. his friend tom gave him a cool turntable. now we have at least one with working speakers! it's a great day up here, with cloud cover relieving the heat. the sky is dreamy. the breeze is languid. i got to sleep at 5 a.m. after last night's gig, so soon i hope to be having a sunday afternoon nap. wow! life is good sometimes.
yes, we had a very successful show last night at shenanigan's. james was the perfect combination of raunchy & charming & funny & commanding. the audience was many, happy, responsive all night. i'm so very pleased to be playing the piano so much lately so i can contribute to the band instead of feeling like an add-on.
there's an awesome video circulating on facebook of us last year at don the beachcomber, an historical socal tiki nightclub/restaurant recently closed. it's so awesome, i watched it many times, just to be sure that was me in there with this powerful band sounding as badass as the blasters in their heyday. wow!
and i didn't look fat!
i can't upload the video here, so here is a screenshot.
the other day was such great news about my dear school friend's health; we met for celebratory lunch: oh, what a relief! then yesterday i got a good health report about james & a gruesome shot in my hip. "oh," i wriggled, feeling the strange burning gnaw where it shouldn't be as the 3 inch needle went deep, & kind doctor jen said, "oh yeah, that's the bone." ouch! i'm so hopeful now i will be able to run again...
with the gig over, we now have nothing to worry about except packing for our family trip. wow! it's gonna be great. i've wanted to visit my favorite uncle for 30 years!! this will be a once-in-a-lifetime occasion. happy sunday to you

the heat, the hip, & the blues

-james grew up in south los angeles: paramount/compton, cerritos, then migrated to lakewood/long beach in adulthood after the army. i, on the other hand, spent the 1st 43 life-years in... wait for it... BAKINGFIELD, CA, one of the hottest places on earth. in summer & part of autumn, temps are normally above 100 fahrenheit, & at nighttime, it only will drop sometimes 5 or 10 degrees. what a grueling ordeal, to walk around at 10 pm in 90 degree heat... so here on the hill, at 85 degrees, it's a real scorcher for many, but for me... pleasantly temperate. also, this "nothing will save it but dynamite" house i got for cash bc it was a dump is situated on a hill with mountains to the north: the breezes blow through the house, unbeatably comfortable at times.
-that graph contained bragging, or humble-bragging, or backward bragging, or whatever: "look how tough i am; i can endure so much crap." james says LA people do it about traffic: the heat (& smog) in  bakersfield's something you just grow up in & must endure as is "free"way traffic to angelenos.
-it's helped, too, spending summer vacations in desert hot springs & texas: hot, hot, hot! i finally understood an advantage of southern humid heat: you sweat your buns off, then the wind comes up & wa-la!: built-in air conditioning!

very tired, but together again, our tears have stopped falling

-next, turns out that independently james & i  both were fixated on leaving this earth earlier in the week, but things are better now. am glad to have a break from the gnawing dulling incessant death-thoughts that sent me to a bat-house in 2011. what combination of gasses or pills would result in a quick & painless end? the trick always is, when this stinking thinking pervades: how to do it w/o hurting  loved ones?
-the answer is: you can't. maybe when quite old, if no loved ones remain, maybe, maybe then. but the healthy part of this brain knows  i likely still will have loved ones then, though they may be entirely different ones than the ones i get to share my life with now.
-we played two gigs this past week. james says i "carried the show" tuesday at shenanigan's: sang a lot & was cheery & well-received by the audience. i could tell i performed sturdily. my instrumentals with steve went well.
-that was balanced by last night with james's band, when i tanked an instrumental, starting in the wrong key &,  doomed from that point, couldn't get back on my feet. damn!!!!
-lesson: never improv an instrumental heard on a CD/radio & think, "hey, i'll try that in front of a live audience!" that works for a lick or two in my case, but i'm not skilled enough to pull an entire song off with no practice, especially when i start in the wrong key.
live & learn.
-anyways, it's been fun playing with everyone, even if someone i know has had a serious case of the blues that came out especially tuesday as a severe & intense nastiness... blessedly, i didn't take it personally bc that would've not helped things one bit, & he bounced back; he always does. we always does.
t-he other day i entered Land of las Viejas, getting a hip x-ray. then the doc took me off blood pressure med, so now i'm getting fat, so she suggested consuming 1800 calories daily. i've probably been doubling that, especially when in texas!! since i was bulimic when young, my long-standing credo's  been "diet, never" since diets could be a slippery slope for me. but it feels good these last few days, reading labels & getting re-educated about food ingredients, getting some control over this. it feels better to eat better. now i just need that x-ray to show no hip fracture so nice doctor jen'll administer that cortisone shot....then i can run again!!!!!! life without music is no life, but life without running has been less than a thrill!!!! power walking w/doggy just ain't the same!!!!
-tomorrow: santa barbara w/james... next week: portland & seattle family trip!! woo-hoo!!!
be coo, foo. and i hope anything written here's been helpful.

texas

sometimes i get that old lonesome thing about being invisible. for yrs in my youth, i thought i was invisible. people didn't seem to see me, & i would hide inside my clothes or just stay away from others. lately i've done TWO races & there hasn't been even ONE pic of me!! then that weird feeling comes up: maybe you're invisible. maybe you don't exist. maybe people don't like you. maybe you're too weird-looking, ugly, deformed, non-white, etc etc etc: the old dysmorphic dysphoric selfish addict mind slides right in, damn that thing!!
so here's sort-of evidence of the last race, which i did in my dear cousin tushi's town, granbury tx, on my 23rd sobriety bd. the bottom right pic shows cousin thomas & me watching the 4th of july parade right after i finished the granbury 5k; i'm in terrible pain in this pic! i've been nursing an iliac crest injury after two crashes onto my hip while with her highness the dog, & i wrenched it terribly having to chase her up the mountain for 15 mins a few wks ago when she ran away... damned princess dog!!!! why do we have to love her so much!!! she can be such a pain in the rear!!!!
i've been reading chi running, which is supposed to reduce injury, & i hadn't been running for a week so i thought i was ok, but at mile 1.5 of the race, i decided to stop & walk a bit because the hip was feeling a little funny & AARGGGGHHHHH!!!! a knife shoved up into it, just excruciating!! so i walked & jogged the rest of the race, which was stupid, i should have stopped. the rest of my trip i mostly spent on the heating pad bc i scarcely could walk... but it was a good time. my cousin & i are so different, but so connected: i'm a week older than her bc i was premature, so she says that was bc "you always have to come first; you've always been such an inpatient b*tch!!" she historically has thought my every interest & utterance to be totally lacking in common sense & also super-weird; meanwhile, i have watched her love of the dukes of hazzard, kiss, dog the bounty hunter, hulk hogan, "smut" romance novels etc w/disgusted amusement.
typical exchange: me, seeing these pix: "wow! my hair's gotten really gray!" tushi (outraged tone): "what was your first clue??? you know they make this thing called hair dye! unless you prefer looking like a little old lady!!"
deep down, we are so proud of each other. tushi is ridiculously extravagant in some ways, & so funny, & has such a big heart, & is both totally impractical & very down-to-earth. she takes great pride in her grooming, wardrobe, & accessories & never apologizes for being her, which is startling, wonderful, & refreshing to an inborn neurotic like me. my cousin has been overweight since she was 5, & she's proudly big, saying she shops at the "heifer store" & to haters, "i'm fat but you're ugly, & i can lose weight"... one of the worst traits of any person, i think, is disdain toward others for their lack of money, their dark skin color, or their nationality/extra bodyweight; i really hate haters, which i know is hypocritical, but i don't care, & i just love the sh*t out of my cousin tushi. :)
her son, my cousin thomas, is a big, wise soul who's been through 2 rounds of brain cancer. he had the same cancer as chubby from our gang, but thomas is in remission now. he has wanted to be a mermaid since a young age & always has marched to his own drummer. i was really pleased to get to spend time with him, creative, imaginative, chatty, bumbling, & kind. thomas has lots of dreams & ideas. we went out into the pasture one day so he could show me his horse, general, as well as all the goats, to visit rosie the donkey, & to show me the trees he has named. we watched his favorite movie, the greatest showman, for which he says he needs "a recovery program."
tushi, thomas, & i watched the parade w/the rest of the family, ate hot dogs & hamburgers, watched tv, laid around and talked, went to san antonio, where we walked around the riverwalk & stayed at a hotel w/a view of san fernando mission as well as a "bachelor pad" for thomas, & ate at crazy, beautiful mi tierra. next day, tushi took thomas to the alamo & i bought records from alamo records inside an antique mall: albert ammons, women of boogie-woogie, & a jimmy yancey 45. we went to babe's fried chicken house, my favorite place to eat when i visit tx now, & i found a "jim yancey" piano book on the granbury square. most all texas towns have a square, & we agreed while driving around that granbury's lovely touristy one makes most all others look like crap. thomas & i went antiquing one day & i got him two independence day-themed beanie babie to commemorate my visit.
then getting home turned into an unexpected but not-terrible (although very long) adventure, & next evening james & i had a gig in long beach, but i'll write about that all later maybe. time to resume cleaning house.

tues july 10

pete johnson playlist!!!!

exhausted from busy day, i found this just last night while lounging on the couch with penny. i had been about to drift off to sleep, but this SHOCKED ME AWAKE!!!!
probably the channel owner has some kind of program that allows midi to play automatically the transcriptions.. this is a GOLD MINE!!!!
not only can you listen to the music, you can follow along with the transcription as each measure is highlighted in real-time... then there are the magic dots at top of screen showing the keys, sort of player piano style...
so now i'm in a teacher conference in central california with my two dear teacher friends & the session in this section is about blogger. she just asked us to write something on blogger. this is so we can have kids create websites, individually, in groups, as a class, at end of unit, as cyber portfolio, to monitor writing progress, etc etc etc.... so many possibilities!
however, right now, corey says, we can't access blogger at school; she's already contacted our IT, of course, since she's so on-the-spot about everything. so is christy. i am a comparative dunce, but oh well.
having this current assignment in this class is perfect timing! i wanted to post this anyways!! pete johnson playlist

now i will send the link to corey and to christy. hello, you two!!!!

papa

angie and i really did win the parent lottery.
my earliest memories are of dad's giant face smiling lovingly at me like the sun. guiding my little left hand and drawing, over and over and over, a smiley face. his hand covering my entire back as he held my wobbling baby body up for a photo (i was 3 months old; mom & dad identified the source of this  memory when i told them of it). toddling around our old oregon street house in my diaper, his oily garage cap and his giant work boots  (dad always was a public school teacher, but his avocation remains self-taught renaissance man of the practical: handyman of all things house-related, loving gardener, mechanic, historical writer.) listening to stories he and mama read us every night. laughing our butts off at the adventures of dad's cartoon creation, star rat, a whiskered rodent chomping a cigar.

beyond all that, dad always has demonstrated great dignity, fairness, love of humanity, kindness, well-placed irreverence, humor, and CLASS -- not classism.
gilbert gia always has been a handsome, humble, faithful, principled, gentle gentleman of patience and loyalty, a firm believer in social justice and humans (though with deserved outrage toward those who want more than their share of the pie, or deny others theirs). i could write forever and ever about him and our mother; they have long been my heroes... and james loves them now, so much, too. they have accepted him as their son. they always demonstrate this crucial idea: there is enough love to go around.

happy father's day, dad...

hate

hate is a strong emotion, "an evil and corrosive thread," it says in the big book. my mind at times reverts to hate-thoughts;  i used to wallow quite a lot in them, nearly all the time, in fact. james says, "hating someone requires too much energy." if anyone has reason to hate people, he would. he's been wronged, wronged, wronged (as well as done his wronging; hey! maybe that's all of us who have survived?)...

desert ruin

i should have no complaints because my life has been blessed, blessed, blessed (though w/the expected periods of "into each life some rain must fall")... however, the infernal coconut sometimes is unrealistic & uncooperative. so i write.
part of this current wade in the cesspool of negativity is this is the first time i've sat down w/nothing on my plate in a year!!!! "our very lives, as ex problem drinkers, depend on our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs." so i'm not helping students now for a full week, school is out, & i slide into dwelling on Them: the Unworthy. The Mean. The Petty. The Arrogant. The Imposters. The Fakes. The Liars. The Hypocrites. The Untalented. The Undeserving. The Phonies. The Deluded. etc etc; i judge them by 1000 names.
stupid brain!!!!

he says he wasn't asleep...

...however this same mind that burns w/thoughts of others being smote from the earth also delivers  joy, comfort, love, connection, warmth, etc etc. so the infernal coconut maybe is... just a coconut, even if one of addictive bent. thoughts need discipline, & therein they can be turned to helping others & connecting to the Bliss that can be existence.
i know this is a struggle, but i also know it's worthy.
and so it goes... and so it goes... and so it goes... etc.

james & the biggest cream puff we've ever seen

on the heels of the busiest last week of school in memory, i headed out to the desert w/james & penny dog for three days of lounging, soaking in mineral springs, eating, watching tv, reading... three days of vegging. it was really cool, & really weird. i rest well for a while, but only for a while! then i gotta do something. so in between, i walked penny, but it was too infernally hot to run (except one morning, a great 3-miler, w/desert breeze air conditioning my sail downhill for nearly a mile after a long, hot climb)... now we're in bako in the comfort of mom & dad's beautiful, comfortable oasis (they have headed for central coast); last night was movies w/wonderful bro-in-law & sis; last eve was dinner w/high school buddy & her friendly englishman husband; summer stretches ahead,d; i've got so many fun plans ahead; yes, a great life ahead...
time to get back to life.