seis meses sin booze!!! y mi esposo el clarividente

today my spouse has 6 months minus booze!! congratulations to him!! :D
he played his heart out friday night at gallagher's to tons of ppl. they've resumed the booze buses in LB, so packs of drinkers loaded in & out throughout the night. the best pack was the 1st, dressed as superheroes for a BD party. :D they had him play an extra hr bc of the crowds, but only after james made sure they gave him a raise. then some doucheb*g stole the tips. arrghh!! oh well, james said; it happens.
we stopped @ a 24 hr diner off the 405, then steamrolled to the mtn pad, getting there at 5 am. the next sunny golden day, we sat on the back porch & drank coffee & watched the mountain & the birds. the breeze was near luxurious in its loveliness. we did TONS of yardwork! it's difficult to type cause my forearms are so worked over! one night i had trouble sleeping cause my back was so sore. "you're a machine, baby!" he called. i cannot stop working if i feel a job's not done, be it the dishes or clearing brush... we went into the tiny mtn town & had pizza, got movies, went to the junk stores. then more yardwork. he crashed out again! :D i read from a great pulpy, surprisingly scholarly book i got at the thrift store, ancient mysteries, drinking coffee & peeping here & there thru the curtains at the gleaming mat of stars in the wide clean night as james snored gently. next day we met our folks at the local diner, then they drove & we went to the lilac festival. afterward, naptime & more yardwork!! the quail finally showed up; they live in a bush across the arroyo. we went & dumped a truckload of brush, then got ice cream cones & a burrito for him @ the backpacking corner store in the next town up the mtn. we came back & did concluding clean-up & organizing, hit the local mtg for just 10 mins, then hit the rd for OC. he was extremely crabby, but i know it was fatigue, so didn't take it personally. we were home to the boy before 11 pm & it was time to sleep some more! ah, sleep! lovely sleep! but now it's time to start the day... he liked the "too personal" stuff i wrote & deleted from the last post, so i'm gonna post it here... that's all for now. :)
while meditating, i remembered, really remembered the 1st time i met james at the elvis show one year, how he had stars in his eyes that night, how he kept kissing me, which really freaked me out cause we'd just met! but he asked me that night, "do you feel it, too? is it just me?" with these big eyes full of wonder, & my heart & soul stirred: did he mean THAT?!?! he told me he'd lost me for eons & finally found me in this life. wow!!... whiteboy james is the toughest, silliest, sexiest, raunchiest, most talented guy in town, "the modern day howlin wolf," a force to be reckoned with, "a future movie star." yes, he's all that & more! husband james is the bravest guy i've ever met: deep, deep, deep, an ever-unlocking puzzle bringing my life ever-realization & reward. i'm so lucky! realizing someone like him believes in  & trusts me so much, well, i do believe & trust back!
for pete's sake, i know this is some heavy gushing, but this is MY blog! you wouldn't read it if you didn't want to! i must write of this serious love power, & thank the universe james saw it the moment he first saw me cause we won't be here forever, meat bags that we be, not to mention that i have a bad memory, love is universal, maybe you'll relate, maybe you'll be inspired, at the least, i need to write so i may remember that my prescient, even psychic husband knew about "us" way before mundane i did. thank you, sweetheart!

gratitudes & reveries & gushgushgush

1. james & james; 2. volunteering at the library; 3. visitors (KK & kaykay) outside smoking, talking rocknroll & blues & life (they are really nice people, each of them!); 4. last night's show: wow. can't believe i got to be in that mix: the audience cheered for an encore, & that hasn't happened at harvelle's for a good long while. matt samia was absolutely fantastic on that guitar, probably the fleetest-fingered & certainly one of the most melodic & intelligent & fiery guitarists i've ever heard! it was fun to fit piano around his playing & james's singing & harmonica & sing some myself &  play play play, laying back to make rm for matt & james, then stomping it where need be, even soloing when they threw it to me, slipping in & weaving around what they were doing & having that slinky exhilarating feeling one gets when being a car in the carnival ride of a good band (in this case, a GREAT band!); 5. kind & much-appreciated advice about parenting & life & having a lifelong partnership from parents & older, wiser friends; 6. happy visit w/jackie & dave at impeccably clean, eccentric house of hayden in long beach; 7. mountain fire not that near to the mtn home & nobody has been injured by the inferno (add to that that texas relatives were not hurt in deadly tornado that touched down in their very town); 8. playing songs today w/james for KK & kaykay & KK said my voice reminded him of iris dement & i realized i've heard that before & that's not bad company at all!; 9. still sober after all these many yrs, & my better half coming up on six months & the world of friends & loved ones cheers & in the end, the world will benefit more from sober james, for his talents & abilities now can go beyond long beach & bring this world greater happiness, i think!; 10. our talk last night, & lately, marshaling my strength as i realize, like he's been telling me for so long, what a TEAM we make! we are realizing our dreams, the bottom line being, he reminds me over & over, our true love. the other eve i meditated & really remembered that 1st time i met james... [just deleted a huge gushing section; i'll let him read it cause he'll love it, but it's too personal to share: soul stuff. anyways, maybe reading this, you'll be inspired to write something deep & appreciative to someone you love!]
at this rate, we will be very happy, healthy old people who share w/friends & loved ones much love & happiness, & what a nice thing to anticipate, i think... ok, that's it for today's gusharama! :D

mamas & musica (belated post)

feliz dia de las madres (tarde)!! whether you be a biological mother, a mother of choice (which in its way might require even MORE love), mother others whom you do not or have not raised, or heck, even if you just love & care for someone... HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY TO YOU!! ... one of my biggest regrets is i never will get to meet james's mother, tho i can be happy that he is who he is due to his mother's love, & my mama is so, so loving tw james, i can only & always be ever-more indebted to & in awe of her & dad for their unconditional support & kindness... happy mother's day, bertha ellen skaggs, dear soul, rip, & ramona christina forquera gia, & all other mamas (definition above)!...  forward, here's a pic from kim martin, a nice photographer i met at the saturday benefit for kid ramos at the OC marketplace (many good ppl there; lots of love & support; lotsa longtime friends from the musician community; so many accolades & atta-boys to james ... he opened the show w/a blistering mini-set, then we hit the road for bakersfield, stopping along the way home for some well-needed time in the woods! what a beautiful drive, i say!)... one of james's friends titled the pic, "nephertiti and the sphinx"! i've heard "cleopatra" for yrs due to hair & eyeliner, but james said, "nah, everyone says 'cleopatra.' now nephertiti: that's cool!" ...

well, now it's days later. our trip was a greatly-needed respite: food, love at the gias, a quick stop to garden at the mountain pad, home to the boy w/boxes of grub... so we started out this morn this way:
james (up all night, talking nonstop, happy & hyper, just read me a love letter he wrote me): i'll show you how to do a really GOOD uppercut.
me (still asleep): i know how to do a good uppercut! watch! (i bear down, wind up, & swing an uppercut right into my nose & we both hear a loud crack)
james: oh sh*t!!!
me: ow!!!!
james: can't you just be happy being a black belt? yeah, you DO have a good uppercut, you klutz! here, i'll get you an icepack...
so yes, i almost broke my own nose. it actually already is funny, tho the damn thing still is sore & i'm convinced i knocked my nose crooked! he says it's just a bit swollen & it'll go down, so for now i can fantasize i'm a recovering pugilist til the tissues shrink back... anyways, i had to write about it. i mean, how many ppl do you know who accidentally almost break their own nose in such a manner?
we're taking a break here from music practice now.  tomorrow we'll play, then us w/matt samia, who is subbing for abeyta, then all of us. it'll be a whiteboy james all-star jam! harharhar! :D it just sure sounds like big fun to me, a freer, looser show requiring us to have the skill & ESP & willingness to "go there" i just read about in willie nelson's book last night... we just had a victory on "take me back," which we're doing much more vernacular-style than blues express does, more like the frank stokes version james best-loves... we moved the key, then listened a few times to the FS 1920s recording, then played it much simpler, much darker yet lighter, which makes sense to us & maybe to others or not... well he just came up & said he successfully hooked up the scanner so we can scan a bunch of his family pix borrowed from bro mike & he's tapping out a 5 royales tune on my keyboard, so time to practice again. mas tarde! de veras! adios! jajaja!

dear exploding head syndrome, i have not missed you one bit.

when a bakersfieldian, i had constant ear-nose-throat problems, allergic to 87/100 things on the allergy panel. i relate it amorphously to my alcoholism, believing the big book's definition of an allergy as being "an abnormal reaction to a substance," in the case of alcohol & me meaning that when i ingest it, i crave more, like other stuff i'm likely allergic to, such as peanut butter or the fragrance of grasses & trees, but w/booze it's to my more immediate & obvious detriment. back to the ENT thing: today's only the 2nd since temporarily moving to condado de naranja norte that i've had exploding head syndrome: horrid sinus pain. i bent over to stretch some more after yesterday's run & arggghhh!!!! aaaaaahhh!!!!! [series of expletives] why???? oh god, why???????
so i dug out some allergy meds i'd brought from the mtn home (you don't need allergy meds there, just vaseline to rub in your nose so you don't get bad nosebleeds upon climbing from sea level here to 5000 ft there) & took them. hope they're the right ones, not the ones that make me either sleepy or psychotic. whee! in the old days, popping a mystery pill or 9 would've been fun: "i wonder what adventure or horror will ensue? whee!" now i just hope it's the right one... then i wrote a song. i'll play it for james when he returns from haircut. no more irish curls; back to military tidiness.
speaking of which... well, i was gonna complain about housework & how i wish i weren't so OCD-rather cleanfreak now that i live in a place w/two males (sister-in-law says it's this way BECAUSE they are male, an idea i was not raised w/by my egalitarian parents, but ok), but i hear him coming up the stairs. ah! so handsome! wow! :D
more later maybe about james's shows, our musical duo & travels, books on prayer, secret military missions, willie nelson & dickens, stints at being do-gooders, places to eat, spotting a baby mole on yesterday's jog,  lifelifelife... how is yours? :D :D :D

2 sets! we got two sets! music fervor happy excited blablabla fragment-filled entry

am taking a break from playing... james & i've been at it for hours & hours, working on our 2nd set for our duo... when we stop, i realize my feet hurt (i play standing up, w/quite a lot of stomping taking place), i'm cold, i'm sick, i'm hungry, & he's the same... he has a venue we'll approach soon: says they book blues solo & duo acts. there are a few other places we can take our act. i finally got nerve to sing for him the big joe turner style lament i wrote him, to showcase the sonorous horn element of james's voice (he only uses it a few times in his current repertoire, to mighty, mighty effect); he took it & went out to the porch & started scribbling more lyrics as i played a new orleans romp & found myself adding lyrics w/o my usual supplies of notebook/pen... my mind gets in a free place after a while doing this, & it's beautiful, blissful, heart-shaking... we've been going thru my song notebooks all day, in between practicing, mining songs & song ideas i've written, found two more we'll use - one i need to finish writing after i stop blogging.
oh, what joy it is to share music w/james. to think we grew up at the same time 120 miles apart listening to complementary, in many cases, same stuff: what an amazement. i spent 43 years in bakersfield-frazier park not knowing one soul who shared my american music background in its particular intensity & depth; thank goodness i published online my "bride of frankenstein" song, for that's what brought me to james's attn. yes, heavens, add to it that he, too, is a universal monsters lover! he really dug that song & tells me as he read thru this blog at that time he thought, "who the hell is this girl? then i saw what you looked like & thought, oh man, i'm in trouble"... while waiting for him to shape up this new song, i clicked on our facebook photos to pull these two pix & our 4 million honeymoon pix came up. what a great & cool adventure we shared! what a wonder! i looked back & was filled w/gratitude! what a life we get to lead, in spite of patches of melancholy/whatever, which, for heck's sake, fall into every life, after all! in memphis at sun studios, james prompted me to sit at the studio piano. "who knows - it might've been played by jerry lee lewis." then he snapped this pic. i've been to sun before & never thought to do that. came home & turns out, dang if that's not the killer's very own wurlitzer from the legendary sun recordings of the '50s!! and there i sat, soaking up some of his juju! i don't have near the dexterity, of course, but i sure feel the fire at times, i really do! the other pic's my favorite of james in memphis, standing outside wc handy's blues hall looking noble & strong & cool. wc handy, father of the blues: james dedicates for me each week "st louis blues" bc early on, he knew i loved, loved the way he drops octave & belts that one out in both tenor & bass, full bore, & now his band out-blasters the blasters on it (as well as many others - they absolutely stomp the crap out of any other living band!), & how cool that he dedicates to me such a rockin' song, not some wimpy ballad, tho he does dedicate to me "trying to get to you" (not at all wimpy, but a ballad), which i know he has dedicated to others, but the difference is this: the latter song really is OUR story, what really happened between james & jenny, so we name it now as ours, a song of our love, like so, so many others we have written or that already exist in the great pantheon of american music... well, he's done writing lyrics, so here we go, back to practicing our hearts out... guess i will finish that other song a little later... may your day/night, too, bring creative bliss!

tonight! & every wednesday til the cows come home!

we're starting back up tonight! it's whiteboy james & the blues express's regular wednesday night - don't miss him! and we'll be there, too! yay!

Come see Jenny Page & The Dusk Devils, warming up the stage for
WhiteBoy James and the Blues Express
9 pm-12 midnight Each Wednesday at the World Famous
HARVELLE'S
Beneath the Congregation
201 E. Broadway, Long Beach CA USA
It'll be a Night of Jumpin & Jivin Bluesin & Boozin* Bumping & Twangin Full-Octane American Music!
21+ ... No Cover

 

taking the place of the monsters in both bands (excluding james & jenny, that is) will be scott lambert, tony lopez & scott abeyta :D

(* except for the front people, but we don't mind if you drink your 40 barrels' worth...)

spinning all around in circles [not] loaded and i don't know what to do...

that's a line from an ike turner song that james has in his repertoire... i thought it sounded just like stagger lee so was kinda glad to know james didn't write something so derivative. his compositions to my ear always have some variant that makes them shine musically, like surprising breaks or an odd change that throws the song someplace novel...
i'm feeling a little weird! we went to toluca lake, then frazier park, then taft, then bakersfield, then had a bunch of adventures on the way home, then resolved some communication issues... dang, it's hard to talk things out when you want to jump over the fence! james says i have rabbit in my blood. i'd say he has wolf! anyways, we are really good: the path to better & better continues to lead us to more adventure & companionship & greater love, so i'd rather endure its sometimes rough patches, twists & turns, & steep inclines than not be on it at all!... anyways, he was out last night helping a terrible situation get better, so i found myself ping-ponging around facebook & puzzled together a situation that just got me spinning a little bit!
i played w/a band whose leader i believed in. she was beautiful & had a good singing voice & wrote interesting songs. i glommed from the git-go she'd come to hollywood to become famous bc that's a type you run into in music biz; she was chameleon-like, changing her look & sound w/goal to hit it big, & she drank a lot & was hazardously flirty, in my view, but she was always nice to me & like i said, i believed in her talent. increasingly, the drinking, to my eyes, made performance sort of sad, as did the flirting; i felt i was watching someone a bit on a downhill slide, tho she was & is still popular & i do have a magic magnifying mind that sees things that just ain't there at times.... i thought the booze & man-manipulating diminished her; it just didn't make sense to me! more & more obviously, too, things weren't on the up & up business-wise... james from the start told me, w/increasing force, to jump ship. i'd already done so w/the other act i was in, where the bandleader'd gone over the top being scathingly mean (i sort of admired her b*tchniness going into the project; stupid me didn't realize that meant the time'd come when I'D face that wrath!)... so i quit, then they fired my long-time associate from bakersfield, & now i find out the drummer left w/a big F you, & the latest, her long-time loyal bass player, a nice young man, & her longer-time life/business partner have left! so i think, what the F? what happened? & do a little sleuthing & see: of course! of course! a beautiful young man! pictures of the two of them that smolder!... i recognize this: it happened w/james & i -- chemistry that can't be denied; like-lust-love that roars thru like a hurricane & destroys all that was! yes, her world, & the world of those who loved her, has been tossed upside down... huge changes... new lives.
i don't know why i feel so confused about all this except that it's a lot of change in a system i thought wouldn't do so in this manner. i like to think i know what's going on... compared to my husband, i'm quite innocent of people w/perhaps nefarious motives. i assume people are dishonest cause they don't know they're being dishonest, or they're hurt, but they're basically good. he disagrees... i thought the singer & her partner would carry on forever in their to-my-eyes broken way, maybe finding success, their motives always incomprehensible to me... now this!...  i'm hoping she's now sincerely happy. and i hope i was wrong about the underhandedness. maybe now, she won't have to drink as much. she  did always seem to me not real happy; maybe that's why i now write. and maybe i misunderstood what they were up to. maybe her former partner, an older man that never made sense as her partner in the doomed way may-december couplings always seem, is happier now. maybe there wasn't too much hurt in the break-up. maybe they never were a couple, as people whispered. maybe she knew the beautiful young man all this time! maybe they were married all this time! the singer & her partner always were very mysterious, even evasive about themselves. i felt i never got to know them, & never would. still, i have faith in humanity. the only constant is change. may all be well.

my hero

t

it really wasn't that slow -- we just were overly tired from having been in ventura for grandma's wake, then driving back for the gig, so that made the evening seem to really drag on... we talked more w/great soundman-our friend dougy, pictured, & friendly barkeep char, about the movie pending about james's life. looks like it's really gonna happen! i talked europe business w/scott abeyta, caught up w/tony, & we joked w/scott lambert, laughing out lines from our favorite wc fields movies... we took silly pix & then went home & finally got some sleep. yes, james not just went to the wake, he got up early, early that morning & went out on a boat w/dad & some of dad's relatives to scatter ashes, a four-hour ride. "i have to," he said to me w/big eyes, telling me what for him was the most plain-faced truth. "he's MY dad now, too." it's true. i welled up. when growing up, i so wanted to be dad's son & be just like him some day. sounds weird, especially the way i grew into a smaller-structured woman (tho no midget) w/high-pitched voice, but that's how it was. i wanted to protect my dad, tho he's never needed it, & mama, too... on the way back from ventura, we talked our heads off & james gave me his master plan for our music. i finally heard him out. i like it a lot. it will definitely work for his band's growth, dusk devils, & our duo! then we remembered how he used to be called upon by all kinds of "friends" to clean up their messes. everybody wanted a piece of james! "then they weren't there when i needed them," he said a bit sadly. well, tonight he helped the parents of a friend, & soon he will help the folks & the friend, too. this situation is different; this will be a noble deed. james bought seed bombs in ventura & told me, "it's time i started throwing life instead of death." james is changing & acting like the man he's always been deep-down. we both have in the past believed we were good ppl cause we thought good thoughts. but it's action that's key: james is in positive action. he is my hero. good night.

up. too. late.

last night was worse. ended up having to take a sleeping pill. rarely happens to me, tho frequently does to james. he is snoring peacefully now, a quiet burr of a snore, a nice snore. i'd rather be the one up rattling away than him. let him rest. anyways, i feel hypnos creeping up w/a soft blanket, & that makes me think of windsor mccay & "little nemo in slumberland." what a gorgeous, odd, gentle, scary comic. can't wait to go to the library tomorrow. got a list of books i want to check out... yes, head's swirling w/a million thoughts, tho thankfully now not worries of family/mortality. for instance, i'm glad to know [a certain blues artist] wasn't the writer of "it hurts me too," a song i so so love. when things were awful w/a distant & cruel ex, i would drive around & around blubbering  & play that version of that song & just know that if james knew how that  guy treated me, he would feel that way... i told him this recently & he understood... back to the [a certain blues artist] pt, i've mentioned that james has met just about everybody worth meeting from the american music & boxing world (& others), but i guess this blues man was a racist jerk toward him. i felt bad when i heard that. he'd said the same about [another blues artist], but i somehow expected that from  that guy. james's #2 & #1 singers, big joe turner & cab calloway: really nice & cool... we watched a fantasy vid: ali vs tyson - what if? when i drank, i loved watching boxing, but sober, could no longer stomach it. w/james, i enjoy it again. realized what i didn't like was watching uneven fights, one-sided fights, ones where one guy obviously was having his brains beaten out before our very eyes. james shows me just the best ones, those examples of the sweet science, & w/his experienced commentary, it's really swell... yesterday we dropped james jr off at renaissance faire 45 mins north, then visited my dear friend at her beautiful new home in her beautiful town & over pizza & salad speculated that she & james might be cousins & had quite a nice visit. we came home & james went to rip van winkle land & i drove myself nuts thinking about everything all at once. today james had his 1st afternoon at don the beachcomber, so to pacify my mind, i hoofed it up there, 7 1/2 miles. it was a bit too warm to be a blissful run, w/summer on the horizon & especially since i always wear long sleeves (again, one of those things: i've always hated my arms & james repeatedly says the 1st time he saw me play, "i couldn't stop watching your arms. i thought, oh man, i wanna feel those arms...") he always does that: takes something i dislike about myself & says he loves it  enough times in enough ways that i know he's not just blowing smoke up my skirt. at the gig, james sang & performed his heart out, as he did the other night at gallaghers. he is stronger & sharper every day, & that reminds me: yesterday he had 5 months w/o booze & today we celebrate 6 months' married life. james's long-time gentle tough-guy friend marshall was right that some ppl are just "mean & jealous," but most are so happy for us. at both recent gigs, my name's mentioned & i brace for the boo's, cause i'm just like that, but people smile & cheer, & again the other night, when i got up there & sang w/him, we got the johnny & june comparison... i tell you, it's something else... at don's we got comped decent fish & chips & the staff was very nice & the blues express sounded finer than ever, finer every time lately (i think they missed james while we were on honeymoon), & scott & i exchanged info about james's upcoming europe trip (i'm working on finding bookings, too) & as we drove home, james  reminded me to concentrate on "being here" cause that's tough the last few days, not floating away, held my hand thru the grocery store, while he lay in bed & i finished watching the beautiful & sincere pseudoscience trip-pic "the secret life of plants," patting his plastered-back hair, which has been growing out in irish curls (the other day he called me in to show me that his hairline is growing back a bit, & dang if it's not! "must be cause i'm not stressed anymore," he said)...  think it must be getting late. we are still here. you are still here. at least i think we all are. what do you think? "reality" gets weird when contemplated too much. yes, too much cogitating can just make a person useless. i am proof of this. don't want to go anti-intellectual, tho. said eleanor roosevelt, quoted in recent smithsonian, "a mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes."

since it's too late to go outside, it's time to get in bed w/my dear husband. goodbye.

oh! forgot about this!

we haven't been sitting around on our butts TOO much since operation honeymoon... :D ... this side project ain't no big thing, but it sure promises to be quick fun w/little waiting around. yay! :D

the magic magnifying coconut of doom & beauty: go outside!!!!

... there is much in the middle, but ppl like me/us tend toward extreme thinking, what can be called "dialectical"... the up side is a dial tuned full-tilt to awareness of, even amplification of life's beauty in things big & small. the down side is a huge bummer... back in my old life in bakersfield, when i lived the solid-citizen yet still pretty eccentric life, i was busy busy busy w/work, volunteering, being a do-gooder, getting regular self-help, exercising, creating various imaginative projects, family & friends. we gotta get there, too, my hubby & i. we are vigorously physical (he more than i, tho he gives me strokes there), creative, & fully alive. we can't just sit around. we explode. we wither! in my old life, too, i lived amongst practical ppl whose motto was "keep it simple." away from that reminder, my mind can complicate a speck of dirt. the sky! my ability to eat, rest, go to the bathroom! but it especially will complicate my interaction w/& understanding of other humans. the intellect & that old self-centered fear get in cahoots. ruinous!!
james asked me why i write. i write cause i must! i just always, always have written & (well, except when i was a drunk) played music, since i was a small child... however, my motives in writing get fogged when i have time on my hands, & i've had a lot lately. maybe a person my age should NOT be semi-retired... neither of us are "old" middle-agers, after all; we're far from infirm. we've talked of volunteering but realize we really don't want to volunteer here in this wealthy beach town. maybe a neighboring community? maybe once we get out of the city, which we will, when we responsibly can?
yes, this "citified sh*t" is just no good for the soul. tho i love visiting them, i don't cotton that humans are supposed to live in cities. freud showed his hand as an ever-unhappy man when in "civilization and its discontents" he admitted he couldn't experience the "oceanic" feeling of bliss & limitlessness, feelings ppl like james & i bathe happily in when engaged in meaningful creative activity. freud wrote that civilization's development, contingent on corralling man's baser impulses, rubs man the wrong way due to its limiting his sexual instincts. doesn't that sound freudian??
personally , i think that's only part of the problem. more spiritually/existentially disturbing is lack of space! lack of natural beauty! when i have space & beauty, the enemy between my ears can breathe & doesn't tell me lies. i think of our kind family in kentucky & in bakersfield: not a mean-spirited, conniving, or "with motives" one amongst them. a quote i read today: "man's heart away from nature becomes hard" (standing bear). too true!
outside i go... we need to clean our vehicles, anyway: the mach 5 is quite dirty after our long honeymoon road trip. but before stepping into the beachy day, i'm deleting the statcounter i've long had. in the beginning i loved having the counter to look on its world map feature & see where readers resided, then puzzling out by comments/times visited/search terms/patterns & interactions between visitors their actual identities. but ferreting out these trivialities has become, for this lately underutilized human, kinda crazy-making... james said we should start a detective agency: he has the muscle & insomnia & interrogation/profiling experience; i have the organization, tenacity & sleuthful mind. unfortunately, when i'm not meaningfully engaged, those qualities result in me digging too deeply/making mountains of molehills: making myself nuts. james & i have amazing lives, we shout from the rooftops! our lives are real, not cyber, tho the latter's a necessary evil of promotion in the music world, & it can be nice to network online w/loved ones... i know better than to get mucked up by dumbnesses like statcounter. yes, this maddening, divisive, crazy-making internet can sure be example of civilization & its discontents. what a waste of time. i'm going outside!  :D

he's my baby & L for lakewood: honeymoon travelogue video

the other afternoon, we recorded these songs in our bedroom on his ipad. no mikes, just electric keyboard, acoustic guitar, voices, one track. technology never fails to astound me! my song sounds 1000x better w/james on it, & his, of course, which was mostly an improvisation on common blues themes, he said, was brilliant, i thought. this afternoon, i combined the songs w/images from our honeymoon using windows movie maker, resulting in this video slideshow.
hope you enjoy this musical travelogue/memento of our trip as well as snippet of our musical life together.

waiting waiting waiting waiting waiting...

just wrote a song & want to record & upload it to the dusk devils group online so the others can hear it... it's a sloppy jumper someplace between roy brown & sonny burgess & me, of course, & is about james, of course. he's still my muse, even tho now my spouse. the spark ain't out! in fact, it's become a burning bonfire, my husband, king of humorous &/or awesome metaphor, might say! ... problem is, i can't find the correct adapter to plug a mike into the pc to record playing/singing onto audacity, my fave free audio mixing program (meaning the only one i know about) & james took his ipad on his errands. on the ipad, you can open the audio app, push record, & boom! instant music! plus the sound quality is great. i rummaged all over looking for my adapter, including his mother's antique sewing machine drawers, & found a patch: "i love a beautiful brute." ha! perfect! that went on the shelf w/our little monsters, ufos, miniature animals, soldiers, vehicles... so happy to be married to someone who, like me, loves little toys & weird stuff to look at. it makes us happy, just to look... he hung another shelf earlier as i played piano & we put on it mementos from our three fave places we went on honeymoon: a moonshine-like jug from hot springs, ar; a wind-up boxing ring w/small metal fighters from memphis; & a beautiful navaho wedding vase that james purchased for us in gallup. now we can rest & gaze upon our honeymoon memory shelf... nice! :D
well, he plays tonight at a new venue, & it'll be fun to see max & blake again! we've mostly seen tony & scott lambert for the past month, but now that the honeymoon has passed, james has filled his schedule w/shows 3-4 nights a week, which means we'll see his primary bandmates more... hope no one creepy turns up tonight, the false friends & hangers-on & people w/agendas (he's warned me from the beginning not to let any of these meddlers get us, & i'm realizing it's part of the yuck of being married to the long beach legend!)... but if anyone DOES, oh well! what's important is the music. and we got all filled up in ky, like we do when we visit the gias, w/family who love james just for james -- not cause he's a musician, not cause they want to feel important, not so they can go tell others they hung out w/him or make up stuff about him/us or have hopes if he gets effed up enough he might "get together" w/them (ha! my husband, like me, has never been a slut, tho people thought we were cause of  my skirts, his attitude, & our flirty, even nasty songs, respectively)... heck, his family's 2x the size of mine. he has seven cousins i met who are our age!: nice, not neurotic, not b*tchy, not mean or ignorant: just good open folks who love "jamie"... and me, too! we are ever-filled up w/true love of ever-greater family & each other, each day, even w/bumps, bettered. the meddlers are receding in importance each moment. i'm still over-sensitive (read: wimp), but they were never important to him, & each time he finds out a "friend" really is not (it's still happening!), they are water under the bridge & james moves forward... on the flip side, he has many true-blue friends, & now they become mine, too: my people are his people, his people are my people, as our vows from the book of ruth read... lovely!
and now back  to more music. music! vonnegut was right... (look up the quote, if you're curious) goodbye for now!

happy happy happy happy happy

today, 1st day after the honeymoon, we have played music, rested, watched a few movies angie & i weren't allowed to as children (convoy, the omen), i wrote a song in the shower, & james got us all pizza. tomorrow will be productive! tomorrow! not today... today is weary, tho cozy & well-fed!... the jameses are downstairs happily, animatedly talking. am too tired to move, nearly! we clocked 663 miles to home yesterday.... our trip of a lifetime was a total success! i should write about operation honeymoon, but just don't wanna... content knowing that he knows & i know. WOW! yes, today, day one post-operation honeymoon, we are solid, we are healthy, we are good, we are happy, we are unified. again, wow! ... think i'll write more later, cause if i don't, i tend to forget my life (now our life). but it'll have to be later. for now, some pix, w/thousands more to come tomorrow, if you are our facebook friend... james's music schedule for this month is hoppin! my own could not be called moribund by any definition! check out www.whiteboyjames.com for details, or fb pages for dusk devils or whiteboy james & the blues express... here's the flyer i made for saturday night, dave & jackie's anniversary party:

tcb

whiteboy meets iron mike

we got to meet mike tyson on day one of operation honeymoon! we were crawling along the strip when i happened to glance over & see a truck advertising he was there, on that day, at that time! we'd just been talking about how james eventually meets, even becomes friends w/all his heroes. heck, he hung out once for a full day w/cab calloway! ... we found the place, at a shop in fancy-shmancy-vegas-tacky-faky caesar's palace & waited in line. we couldn't believe it! it was like some new agy-secret kind of thing: creating one's reality. i mean, intellectually, i balk at such notions, but then i will tend to believe... who knows? "i wonder how he feels?" james said, "doing this here, where he became heavyweight champ?" we waited in line excitedly for not too long, then boom! we were in the box w/tyson, & boy he looked great! we'd just the day before watched a short interview w/him; in person, he looked so much younger, w/deep-set, sparkly, friendly eyes & bright smile, & boy, he was so genuinely warm, not like many celebrities/celebrities manquee i've met! no brush off, no glad handing, no snobbiness. james & he spoke for a minute while i fumbled nervously w/my phone-camera. they have so much in common! same age, rough life, boxing, personal tragedies, now living new, positive lives... james wrote a song about himself that he dedicates to tyson. he didn't tell him all this, tho, only that "we're all so proud of you," & tyson looked at him w/what seemed real appreciation & thanked him... finally the photographers took my camera-phone from me & i got in the picture. mike tyson turned from james, whom he'd embraced in a big hug, & grabbed my hand. "come on & get in the pitcher, jenny!" he said, & we all said cheese. just then, a stranger wobbled in. "he w/you?" we were asked, & we said no. "hi, mike tyson!" he guy belched drunkenly. "aw, man!" tyson laughed, & covered his face w/embarrassment like a little kid. "can you believe that?" they shuffled the guy off. "geez, that must happen a lot," i said, or something like that, & mike tyson said, "yeah, what can you do? life on life's terms." !!! that is secret code for us friends of bill w! i don't recall what was said after that cause i was marveling on the drunk coming in on OUR picture, then mike tyson uttering a recovery slogan, not to mention how much positive energy the man radiated... we were ecstatic. he treated us like old friends. he was really that warm. and to see him looking so happy, so together, so strong & healthy, well, that was moving. and inspiring! if he can go thru all he's gone thru & now rise like a phoenix, well, we can do it, too. and so can you!... as you can tell, we were on cloud 9. (btw, james explained that boxers know what happened & understand re "the ear" incident w/evander holyfield... tyson was being wronged & the ref wasn't helping to stop it, so he reacted -- albeit savagely, to the lay eye -- to protect himself -- rightly! he got the worse of the whole thing in the end, & i'd bet would never do such a thing today, no matter what.) that was operation honeymoon day 1. we're now on day 4 or 5 (hard to remember). tomorrow we'll be in memphis. MEMPHIS!! we can't wait. more later.

"for the happy couple," learning to live in the daylight hours

cat gave us this picture: last night we started recording a demo to take to las vegas for tommy, but realized we needed to use electric rather than acoustic guitar cause the input signal otherwise was too low & also that james jr needed to sleep, so called it a night. today the great pumpkin decreed james didn't have to go to work, so we'll spend it getting that music together... we leave manana for the trip of a lifetime; am thinking of places i want to stop/places he's mentioned wanting to see: can't wait! james has traveled all over the country by boxcar & w/bands & has exhaustive knowledge of the vampire's haunts (24-hr stores, late nite bars & clubs), but i know the daytime better, having been a boozeless adventurer longer... the other day we went to a big gun show (!!!!) cause he asked if i'd go & i wanna go anyplace he wants me to go; his clean-cut childhood friend & father, a touch of kookoo in their friendly countenances, manned a booth & got us in. i was less appalled than i'd thought i'd be, & james came home with a neat slingshot, lilliputian g.i. joe grenades, & felix the cat figurine. the next day he wanted to go back to help his friend, so i went to the bolsa chica wetlands on the north edge of town & found about 7 miles of roads & trails. the sky & air & breezy smells were pristine; terns, cranes, squirrels, red-tail hawk, ducks/teals, waterfowl & other creatures sailed, soared, & scampered about: what a beautiful place to explore! unlike the hills around the mountain home, the grounds at the beach are pretty picked-over, being traversed by so many more people, but i did find a glittery rock & a rather amazing tiger-striped snail shell. james came home that day w/some cool work gloves that look like something from mad max. a guy asked him, "are those so you can hit someone better?" and he replied matter-of-factly, "no, my fists are MUCH harder."... well, the coffee pot is calling... what's going on in your life?

a triple celebration! make that quadruple: not pushing up daisies

today we received a packet by mail from james's cousin... filled with maps of KY! honeymoon anticipation excitement ramps further! he just told me we'll leave on the heels of next week's gig. "i'll be up, anyway!" he reasoned. we'll drive thru the night; how romantic does that sound? should hit las vegas 4-5 am. will stay at tommy's, tho he, jetsetter self-made gazillionaire, won't be there... wonderful to have family/friends wealthy in spirit & also bucks! the latter means, among a lot of other nice things, they have nice extra rooms they let us crash in at their nice pads... thank you!
yesterday, he celebrated four months sans hair of the dog; the worst of possible days turned into a lovely one of us together making a resolution to commit more to taking care of each other & stepping up our shared spiritual life, our happy gig at harvelle's, then late-night breakfast w/shady lane, where he discovered his long-time friend & he share not just love of blues harmonica & firearms (i must laugh, me, scaredy-cat & pacifist, but both shady & james have specialized military history, so it makes sense, & james definitely is no gun-nut zealot), but a curious affinity for the wheel of fortune game at sin city's casinos... james was delighted. he took this learned commonality as a "sign." i told him since he's now lucky in love, he doesn't have to be lucky at the slot machine. "don't jinx me!" he snarled, & then threw his head back & laughed...
our honeymoon! yes, we can't wait! today mom & dad called, voices brimming w/good cheer, to insist upon financing our honeymoon gas bill, tho they've already been beyond generous (angels are all around, i tell ya, don't you think? i invite you to consider yours) & we celebrated at length our 5-month wedding anniversary... now i hear him happily singing & playing new songs downstairs while i purportedly work on WBJ press kit & contacts for europe & soon we'll all go to dinner w/sister sherri to celebrate his birthday last week... happy four months sober, james. happy five months married, us! no quotes or ponderings or much more blablabla today... life is good, isn't it? we're not any of us pushing up daisies. NOT PUSHING UP DAISIES! every day, therefore, is a plus.

blitz mind returns!

how do you make something out of nothing? -- not like a mountain out of a molehill, but, for instance, when starting a creative project solo, how to get it off the ground? i've tried many methods over the years, from honest word-of-mouth when people see band, newspaper, movies, cartoons, writings, whatever the latest project was, to sneaky stuff like spam... well, james is going to work tomorrow, & news of that for some reason really lit the publicity fire under my butt! today i was prompted by james to follow up on a legal notice about someone who's tried to underhand us, & while doing so, i remembered passwords, shut pages down, before that, grabbing an old graphic of mine & changing it to this: before that, i recorded songs i've written for the band, ultra scratch recordings, i spose, being a single track of vocal/piano into tiny digital recorder... thought i recorded 5 songs, but turns out it was 7! then found out the old dropbox my former guitar player set up is still active. thank you! -- so sent those tracks to the others after editing them down. (all this takes time! even my peanut efforts! but the process is hugely immersive, great fun!) tomorrow, since he'll be at work, i'll finally finish the e-press kit i've told him i'll make for him, then endeavor to get all the venues/names i can from certain people for certain upcoming roadtrips, then hope to get the ball rolling with ever-greater velocity and size, the ball that is entitled JAMES GOES ON THE ROAD & TAKES OVER THE WORLD!!! ... he hasn't yet ordered the t-shirts i designed him (see below) (actually, i drew the cartoon; he decided to make it into a shirt), but the extra work he's taking on will help that happen faster... people've already said they'd buy that cartoon on a shirt! cool!
creativity feels fun... remember the saying: "do something creative every day."
tonight we go practice with the scotts & tony... soon will be honeymoon... life is fun. may yours be, too.

happy birthday weekend past, james a. page, sr.!

blogs: what a curious phenom! public diaries, logs of blablablas, contradictions, i think!
james is truly irish (well, german, too): born on st patrick's day. each yr he has parties & gigs; this yr he said he wanted to do "nothing." "why do i need a bunch of people patting me on the back telling me how great i am?" he commented. "i want to be w/my family." friday we drove to the mtn home to the most glorious blue-skied, clean-breezing day. "i fall in love w/you again every time i'm here!" he exclaimed. "it reminds me of our early days..." mom & dad arrived, bringing delicious home-cooked food for james's birthday as well as their old (our new) dining room table, which we set up in the mid of the music rm, mountain views all around. angie & doug then showed up, along w/skinny the beloved mountain cat, & we had a lovely happy meal; a&d stayed the night & we all got in pjs & watched a happy, sappy movie & laughed our heads off; next day j&i did some yard work, shopped at the little places in the mountain town's center, then plowed back to OC to take james jr to see his favorite band, a gift from his dad, who was greeted by gifts & gourmet cupcakes from james jr & sherri. james & i meanwhile ended up having the most magical eve, stumbling upon billy watson at iva lee's in san clemente. billy watson! we had creole food & laughed & cheered & were awed by this incredible musician & human. "he's not drunk or high," i told james. "he's fully alive! look at him!" he agreed. on break, billy watson gave james a big bear hug & laughed like they were long-lost friends (james said he did that the 1st time they'd met); "he's the modern-day howlin' wolf!" billy told me of james, & a chill ran down my spine... wow! billy watson knew of what he spoke... WOW! he looked at me & then at james & said, "got married? you done good, buddy!" then he hugged me, laughing. "you're the piano player! i saw those pictures of you two & thought, wow! now that's cool!" billy is winning, lithe & wily, the most intelligently exciting harmonica player/band leader you've seen housed in peewee herman's youthfully exuberant frame. he didn't swear at all, but was no cream puff, little-rascals tough & 100x more talented. billy knows his american music! evidence was his top-drawer band: john bazz on acoustic bass, alan west on drums (he carries his set on his motorcycle! he, too, remembered james & greeted him fondly... his splash-kick combos were like fireworks!) & awesome adrian demain on guitar... james nearly had stars in his eyes as he said, "i think this is the happiest day of my life"... next day, his birthday, we mostly slept & rested, venturing out only to visit dave at house of hayden, have a quiet dinner, then sprawl before the tv dozing as "chariots of the gods" played on netflix... i concluded the eve reading more marcus aurelius, whose meditations i remembered to get from the mountain home, & meditating. when in these practices, "problems" & the like roll off me like water off a duck's back. our dad's long-been that way, having read the stoics & zen monks thru his 20s, & it's time for me to step up to the plate. equilibrium, dignity, calm: i want to be like dad, w/mama's generosity & love. they sure teach us how to be... finally, here's james's facebook post, which i put here so it's not lost in the FB shuffle, & so those of you good folks not our FB "friends" can read this spirit that sparkles...
"Hello people! Mr. and Mrs. Page are at the mountain home, stayed there last night, had dinner with The Gias! My new Mom is the best cook on the planet, new Dad is a gift from above, Doug & Angie are a true blessing too! I love my life these days! Ah, yes. James Jr. is the coolest nerd teen/man on the planet. My wife is my favorite thing, leaving ice cream a distant second. What? Did I call My Wife a thing? Well if you want to make something out of it, say it to my face! My wife says I am tough, but she is no cream puff. She's not mooshy inside. She is like a sweet juicy fritter! A cool drink of water when I am crossing the desert dying of thirst!
"Did I mention that my band is cooler than an Eskimo titty in a brass bra?
"Peace out........."

speed blogging revised

writing from the bedroom of my youth in bakersfield while james looks up directions to a party near riverside... what a cool weekend we've had: friday night at narducci's in bakersfield with the blasters; saturday our packed, wildly fun afternoon show at pyrenee's with james, dusk devils (both lineups being scott, scott, & tony), & the clifton bros of mofo party band, where i saw, along w/friday night, scores of ppl haven't for some time (olen, henry, larry, carol & kyle, marc l, robert t, tim/johnny, julie, etc); visiting w/mom, dad ("i love them so much!!" james tells me, & i love him more each time he says it), angie, doug, aunty rita (fresh & frisky tho just sprung from the hospital), uncle danny (james's smoking buddy), this morn over biscuits, gravy, french toast, eggs, sausage, bacon, chile verde, & more... today also i got to play for a good hour my childhood piano, which sits like an old friend in our folks' house. i love my noble, beautiful, resonant old friend, feeling ever-more respect & duty for it & its kind... jamesjr finally called back his dad so that we knew he still was breathing (that relieved his dad & i, as you'd imagine!)... then we got this pic from the show. we'd just gotten done singing & jumping around onstage & receiving the "johnny & june" compliment again, each time more gratifying to hear than being compared, say, to sid & nancy or sonny & cher... thank you, susan r, for the lovely photo! thank you, kaykay, for mounting the show: such big fun all around! we actually had more people, more laughter, more happiness than i saw at the blasters' friday night: no exaggeration. now we hit the road for parts unknown, central valley roadside dates, dried peas, antiques, toys & honey, old town newhall stroll amongst the picture-cowboy sidewalk stars, trinkets at mexican stores, romantic thai food & amazing conversation, renewing honeymoon feeling & mutual intellectual & spiritual respect, then more driving & yakking as he enthuses, "we're adventurers, baby!", then home to jamesjr to hear of his weekend of playing fantasy & video games, to him just as fulfilling as is our itinerant musical lifestyle to us. soon the week starts again. honeymoon in 2 weeks! yay!

this saturday, march 9, 2-6 pm, in bakersfield, ca, usa

movie night & the endlessly musing, tho not always amusing, mind

a good film can be the most complete form of art, i think: visual, musical, literary...last night we watched two great ones, "paranorman," unexpectedly moving, w/in-places startling animation & great score, & "the master," which i have been so anticipating, not having gotten to it when it was in theatres. that one was more than moving, but even startling in its emotional uglinesses truths & complexities, esp for my husband, w/its treatment of topics haunting to him... i knew off the bat it would be a redemptive pic, & i believe we both were grateful for that, its depiction of people seemingly quite effed up, groping for meaning, yet who love life & friends deeply & in that ultimately always will be bettered... later, we went for a late-night walk & discovered that's a pretty effective way for us to hash stuff out while experiencing the nighttime. we are physical people, especially hyperkinetic james, so it makes more sense for us to be able to make progress in this manner, as compared to sitting inside, when, stifled, the soul can start to scream bc outside the night is calling...
well, tonight's a practice w/the scotts & tony in prep for tomorrow night & this upcoming weekend... last wkend i took off to visit my dear friend donna, the highlights being seeing my friend finally living in her own home, a beautiful, spanish-style one w/lovely trees, porch, breezes, & view of the san gabriels; & nostalgic nighttime jog thru the wide, flat, tree-lined streets of craftsman bungalows & quiet. i used to jog at night like that when i lived in bakersfield, thru the downtown tree-lined streets of craftsman bungalows, as well as in my friend's town, listening to the crickets signaling that soon the season will change, the street lights, the way that sounds become more muffled & intimate, least to my ear, when night falls... i returned to the house & we all watched "moonrise kingdom," the latest wes anderson, & next day back home here my-our sister & brother-in-law visited, bringing good cheer & balance. we artsy types can get off balance, but we recalibrate cause we love each other & are smart that way, even if lunkheaded in the moment. anyone married knows this is part of the growth curve, as james said, "part of life." we took angie, doug, & jamesjr to our favorite place along pch in sunset beach & enjoyed pastas & the beautiful stained glass windows, walked along the little downtown there, visited max at his gig at don the beachcomber, & overall, how can i complain, writing all this? this is a good, good life, a fleeting one, & who knows? maybe the idea of "the master" is correct & these vessels will be turned in for new ones at the end of these lives we now live in... maybe souls DO continue in perpetuity... either way, as i wrote below, from a card i received when i was a newcomer to sobriety, how shall we live today?
it is now time to wake dear husband & start the day. may yours be peachy.

post 700: a message from james

stalking (present participle, verb): Pursue or approach stealthily: "a cat stalking a bird"; "a delusional fan stalking a performer, believing there to be more to the relationship than there is". Harass or persecute (someone) with unwanted & obsessive attention: "the man stalked the woman"; "a controlling ex-girlfriend, unwilling to see her part in a long-over bad relationship, tries to stalk her ex, making herself look like a creepy loser in the process". stalking is not just sick, but illegal. there will be negative legal consequences.
(now from me, jenny): we had quite a fun time last night at harvelle's. we got to long beach early & i read in a book-lined coffee house, then overdid it at the gym while james happily ran errands & went visiting... we shared a delicious portabella flatbread thingy recommended by the friendly barkeep at harvelle's, joked w/soundman doug, then i got to pound out a set w/the scotts (lambert & abeyta) as well as tony lopez. james smiled broadly from the sidelines as i stomped on the piano & did my silly deal. the audience sounded enthusiastic, cheering happily, as they did (of course) when james got up when i was done... now he is putting up shelves for the son as i type & soon we'll play music together before having a mid-morning nap. we have been singing & listening to tunes & watched bits of blues videos & ate pop-tarts & leftover pizza. i am in the best position ever in life, retired from meaningful career (which, who knows, might return to), now 45 yrs old, w/the most wonderful fit of a husband i could never have dreamed up. mama says she believes i've found my purpose in life, & having yesterday read an article about life meaning vs happiness, that helps me understand why at times he & i are down... to have purpose is to think of others & their needs, of long-term goals that will benefit more than oneself in the moment -- this can negate personal temporary pleasure at times, but in the long run, satisfies more deeply. i'd much rather have down times that ultimately deepen the important relationships i have than have my selfish plans & schemes met in the moment (be happy), but be alone & lonely in the long-run... "he who has a why to live can endure any what" (i paraphrase victor frankl)... did my masters' thesis on this topic; you can look it up, if you're interested, or not.
in the end, it's all water under the bridge for all of us. "given that i must die someday, how will i live today?" ... indeed. what shall we do, honorable fellows? when we meet, do we look in one another's eyes w/dignity & knowledge of our own honesty & integrity? can i look into your eyes & know you've been honest w/us? goodbye for now...

blablablalablablabla... oh! & music this weekend...

kaykay wrote this: "Jenny Page (formerly Angel) and her all new Dusk Devils are coming to Bakersfield!! Their unique RockaBilly sound is fun and fast!! Jenny, who moved to Huntington Beach after sneaking off to marry none other than Whiteboy James, rebuilt her band with some of the southland's finest players..Tony Lopez on drums, Scott Lambert on bass, and Rip Cat Scott Abeyta on guitar!! You heard it right..WOW!! What a line-up!! So come on out and help us welcome the all new DUSK DEVIL'S!! Psstt..I hear there will be a special guest in the house, and with enough encouragement, I'm sure he'll get up and entertain us!! ;) Hope to see you all there!! :) Brought to you by Jagger Promotions"
and she made this poster! last night we practiced over at tony lopez's house, which was pretty fun!, even tho i am pretty rusty!, then got king taco (carnitas... yum). james, of course, got recognized & fan wanted photos w/him! i recall in bakersfield several yrs back when i'd go places & people'd recognize me -- amazing since i played so comparatively little, but then, bakersfield's much, much smaller than greater LA/OC... i'm proud when ppl recognize james. he deserves it, & so much more! :D
anyways, details for the above show are these: we get to play a show saturday afternoon of march meets, when backwardsville will be crawling w/rodsters. i know of two other terrific american music shows that weekend, at different times than ours: the blasters, w/olen's fruit tramps being one of their THREE opening bands, & deke dickerson w/somebody i probably should remember... look em up if you're interested! it'll be a triple-header real roots-rockin weekend, sounding to me like the most fun music weekend i've known of in backwardsville since 1991!
anyways, ours is this: dusk devils with "special guest" whiteboy james (that means it's really his show, & i think they're all just being nice letting me "headline" - heheh!), sat. march 9, 2 pm at pyrenee's, 601 sumner st., bakersfield/old town kern, 93305, 661-323-0053. no cover! 21 & over!
well, am thrilled i seem to have some of my old energy back, or the crazies/manics/whatever it is that makes me more creative & athletic at times... this morning, i did this -- drew the cartoon, snapped a pic w/cheap little phone, uploaded it, then edited it w/,variously, free websites pixlr & postermywalls... glad to say today i've done my "something creative." what have you done, or what will you do? a good creative & happy day to you! :D

teetotaling in the city of angels, true love saves the world

husband has never been on passenger train, tho he rode the boxcars in his 20s (he's done such things, really done them, things dangerous, tough, hemingway-runyon-herzogesque, pugilistic, startling, foolhardy, underground, manly). we've now been hitched 4 months; 90+ days ago he reconfigured himself as teetotaler. today in celebration he took his 1st passenger train ride on amtrak w/me to downtown LA. we had philippe's french dips, walked thru vibrantly-colored olvera street, sat in its plaza, walked to a corner of chinatown, thru the toy district, thru japantown, the while reveling in the wpa-era architecture, the huge expansive muscle-y trees, the popping flowers, the bright sky & vistas, our beautiful myriad human fellows, then headed back to romantic bustling wonderful union station for ride home. had to stand cause train home was full, but he held me to him in corridor & convinced me all was ok & we had very nice time overall. he struck up conversations w/people everywhere & my heart burst w/happiness each time. "i like people," he explained, smiling, reminding me of just one more reason i love him...
i'd give him the world, if i could, & he'd give it to me, i know. it was a nice trip, & we'll go back to see more. at this pt, my fearless husband, who will do anything to make a person smile, would make an ultra-comical dorky face & start gesticulating from head-to-toe & say something silly like, "LA f***in' rocks, bro," then go into some lunatic rapid-fire jive-turkey monologue that would have you laughing w/astonishment, embarrassment, & joy at being alive at the same time as this marvelous human creature named james page... that's it for now.
Crow - Known for sociability, vocalization, intelligence, strength, augury, forcefulness, trickstery, dramatic appearance and size. Collectively known as a murder.
Dove - Devoted, charismatic, progressive, pacifistic, strong, short-bodied, fruitful, comely, longing for peace and rest. Collectively known as a dole.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaa famillllllliaaaaaaa

here's the latest page family portrait: sister angie then said, "jenny's the only one who wasn't making a face. everyone smile right." that resulted in this: (she didn't know they don't give a sh*t about smiling right in pix.) :D here's another of us w/dear little angel & cuñada & cuñado: ... still hoping for pic from sister-in-law sherri, w/whom i had the nicest visit today: so delightful hearing her tell of her 1st "magical" running experience & seeing the happiness on her face!... this eve i didn't go to james's gig. actually was sposed to start opening for him this wk, but the barometric head near-exploded w/yesterday's rainy/windy weather & i was down, down for the count, unable to practice, so instead have spent the eve w/jamesjr. it turned into, for me, the best eve that could've happened! we got to have quite a chat! i do hope he'll find his passion & love for life quicker than his dad & i did... this brings us to the last page family photo, so sweet. :) now a few from my side of la famiglia. i love these cause my folks, everyone, really, look so happy: ... well, i hear jjr clacking away on HW still (waited til 11 pm to do 7 chs of twain & analysis of state of union address! kids!), so time to get in bed & wait for the hunter home from the hills, the sailor home from the sea, the bluesman home from the stage. so happy to have two good books right now: "a natural history of the senses" as well as "the moral animal"... good day to you, sir! ma'am! good day!

"they sent me out to lindseyville, ky, i had a little bitty harmonica in my hand..."

View Larger Map that's a line from one of james's autobiographical songs. he told me they kids would be sent out to kentucky each summer to get them out of the city; when the others would go back home to LA, james would stay behind as long as possible. he loved the farm life, the hard physical work, the hillbilly kinship, joking affection, & no-nonsense manner of his large family there... some folks upon hearing my new married name have joked, "oh! that'd be funny if you were like bettie page," but tho i am not except for the bangs i've now worn for 25 yrs, which are rampantly popular in certain scenes, she in fact was one of his dad's cousins... i know when i was in my 20s she was my role model because i learned she never drank or smoked, & back then people would remark i had a physical resemblance to her (only ever in the most generic sense, i think); she also was a teacher for a while... then come to find out yrs later she also struggled w/"the black dog," as churchill called it... i hope that she died happy. she had some rough incidents in her life, some her fault, but seems to've been someone who tried to live right, really rather innocent, in her way... well, blablabla... today we valentines drove to long beach & had sodas & cheez-its & peanuts while enjoying uncle dave's patter & fine jukebox at his artsy ultra-clean watering hole, then had texas bbq & georgia pulled pork & cornbread & greens & ribs while enjoying more great music, getting us in the mood to take our trip finally, back to the bluegrass state & the beloved family james hasn't seen for 30 yrs, me, never... depending on time, maybe we can take a day or two in memphis... memphis! i love memphis!... either way, we are so excited to anticipate adventuring together! this finally will be our honeymoon. we cannot wait!!!!!!! :D :D

eloquence abounds: this v-day just already beats the dogsh*t out of the last one...

- last yr at this time, i had been dumped again by someone who would end it, then reel me back. i DID, however, get a valentine's day text from my now-husband on that day, as well as from kind friends, then got to host woman friends at my mountain home... such kindnesses shared made that v-day better than life in general was back then... we are both so grateful such sad straits are water under the bridge & we no longer so gravely are wrong/ed in the love dept. yes, we, experts at failed relationships, are now getting to grow together into commitment, friendship, trust, love. in middle age! please be heartened by our example: it's never too late to find your other half.
- well, rats, am still kicking the meds (read online this process is as bad as heroin withdrawal... lovely, as our niece would say). was encouraged to learn a friend i admire kicked this crap many yrs ago on her own, alone. i have james helping me. i have no excuse. i WILL get thru this & be better afterward! :D
- vitamins help. and water. riding my bicycle 16 1/2 miles today, tho, was probably not the best idea. didn't intend to ride that far: got lost. fortunately this area boasts cool air of sea-spray & beautiful views -- good gravy: 7+ miles of the ride skimmed blue expanse of pacific ocean! by the last hill, my legs had turned to rubber & lungs to flattened paper bag; once back here, i crashed & burned... when i'm sick, james doesn't tend to feel so hot, either, so he & i rested thru the afternoon; trying to make myself feel better, & to boost or shield low spirits, i put on "war paint," as he will call the makeup when i really pack it on, & skirt & boots. "you got your uniform on," he grinned. "your superhero outfit. let's go; you're coming w/me." i'm so glad i did, tho most of the eve wasn't able to watch him & the band, instead wrapped in a little blanket on the soft, comfy couch backstage, reading as best i could the book i bought mama for christmas that she passed on to james & i, ethel waters' "his eyes are on the sparrow." immediately, the scrappy survivor on the page, full of wily humor, toughness, big spirit, reminded me of my husband. can't wait til i have good energy again tomorrow & can read it more.
- mornings are best these days. for instance, this one was fantastic: went out in the sunshine to say hello to the sky & noticed the sunday paper was still under the neighbor's SUV tire (they must've run it over a few times!). so i rescued/stole it, inside finding a gem: the NY times crossword puzzle! w/the help of a crossword website (learned at least 6 new words!), finished it. victory! that is one dang challenging, fun crossword, & knowing it's in the local gives me reason now to buy it on sundays. tonight also, tho i was feeling pretty crappy from withdrawal & overexercise, had lovely moments, such as smoking down to its filter a kool james brought me; he came on break to check on me & w/that cigarette, supine on soft backstage couch under warm blanket, smoke swirling lazily, menthol tasting especially, even deliciously, well, koooool, i thought, man, i know i'm not loaded, but is this what a junkie feels some like? enjoying fat nothingness this much? then after the show, shared a warm & intimate meal w/romantic-eyed wonderful james at a 24-hr diner on PCH; we sat at the window like characters out of an edward hopper, tho minus melancholy, looking out at the night & having one of those especially nice conversations while he ate waffles, bacon, eggs, me, eggs, rice, & tortilla ... i write all of this, of course, so that i may later remember... and maybe you in reading will make some connection, be it enjoyment remembrance hope, etc...
- i kyped for jamesjr a valentine's day head ornament that must've been left behind by one of the burlesquers at a prior show at the club. it musta been one wild night cause the dancers left behind a broken necklace, the head ornament, a towel, a pair of gloves, & a nice little leather jacket (tho i admitted to newspaper theft above, & didn't think a girl would miss her $1 store head ornament, especially once v-day was over, the other stuff's still there)... i hope he'll wear it to school tomorrow & proudly display giant nerd power, or give it to his sweet gothy friend. today james likely will stay up all night working on some project or other, then we'll sleep & sleep & sleep, maybe exercise, then top off the eve w/a valentine's dinner he has planned. or we'll do something else. either way, this v-day beats the crap out of the last one...
- may you have a happy day, whether you have a valentine, or are your own valentine. meanwhile, please enjoy this sweet, romantic video. :) the cramps cover the phantom's classic, "love me"

zap bzzzzrrrtt ssssshhzhzzzhzzhzhhzzzz pop ping! zzzzt!

noggin's experiencing a wild audio-visual storm as it pulls out of being near-drowned in medication it no longer needs... i sit here & type to distract it, zapping & sparking, then running low & slow, confused & muddy. storms do upset terrain considerably, tho the after-effect should be clear & clean skies & land of greater beauty & fecundity. that's nice to anticipate, making this crappy i-guess-it-truly-is withdrawal worth it...
anyways, heck, i don't even know if what i'm writing makes sense... this blog's turned into a chronicle of Life with James, but this is my life now, & how can words convey how grateful i am for him? if i don't write it down, i'll forget, so onward! yes, we've had the most lovely marathon of road trips & music & family these past many days... enjoyed thrift-vintage-movie lot funky shopping in burbank, then the crisp, invigorating cold & 4-5 varieties of snow & movietime & cozy rest & james's perfectly-built fire at the mountain pad, then lovely slumber & food & visit w/the folks in this-time-of-yr gorgeous backwardsville, then back down for james's weekly gig (here's a pic of us singing "let's roll" at that, which turned into a big jam session for scott abeyta's bd, highlights for me being max bangwell's silly & inspired rendition of some willie dixon [i like to think sparked by james's & my stage silliness], & when a friend came up to confide in & get support from sober james, who's so quickly become such a positive role model to so many of his fans [wow! it's so, so cool to be there to witness this!], & then felix's harmonica & little kelly belting some out). we stayed up all night & grabbed the boy & returned to the these-days-unsmoggy-&-wide-open-&-verdant lovely central valley for bro-in-law dougy's bd w/sea of family & mexican grub & chatting & chortling & just the nicest kind of happy visit you could imagine... james, raised baptist, wanted to sing doug a church song for his bd, so we practiced a few outside. "i'm more nervous than if i were playing a festival!" he said, then went inside & sang & played his heart out, me on my childhood piano & him on guitar. he was so terrific, sharing all his wonderfulness & heart-as-big-as-the-universe w/the family like that, & doug was really happy, i could tell, making it definitely worth it for us two agnostics... after the herd cleared out, we settled in for the night & next morn mama made breakfast & dad took us all on a country drive & shared w/james his extensive local-history knowledge, & i was so gladdened & touched to see the love mom & dad have for the jameses getting bigger all the time, & the jameses for them... james & i have such hope for us as a couple & individually, just as humans, having role models like our folks; that former self-described "bad man" & this recovering weenie-martyr-sybil want to follow their path, they who seem more near-saintly each day. my experience is, as people get older they either get more broken, bitter & blaming or, like mom & dad, ever-blossoming, ever more beautiful & bountiful & inviting, making greater shade & plenty for all who are near. yes, what generous, kind, accepting, forgiving, upstanding humans we get to have for folks.
good god; just got choked up. must stop typing. when i think on how it could be, what a miracle Life is. what a miracle. isn't it? lastly, here's a thought to chew on, the most moving idea i've heard in a while: that we should consider & practice "the power of showing compassion toward a total stranger" -- &, of course, true friends, loved ones, & respectful acquaintances... ah, crap, i guess that means forgiving & having compassion for everyone, even those who don't seem to "deserve" it, on a small level like people (hope you're not one!) who've been sh*theels to james & i. we all get to live, at least for now, we're all humans w/the same brain pan & basic needs, fundamentally we're all kin... so guess the high road's the one to take. no sense mucking around in the gutter... gee! what a better way to be! it's certainly a goal! :D

and now, a word from my husband...

greetings, blablablog followers. i am and have been one of you for quite some time. before, during, and after falling for jenny, who is now my wife, i followed this blog up and down and back and forth and in and out for hours and days and weeks and months, trying to get a grasp on this not-so-simple, more-than-complicated being known as jenny..... i'm still trying to figure it out. but i do know this: this blog should be made into a miniseries or perhaps become an epic poem. maybe a sitcom, if sitcoms didn't suck. anyways, on to life. jenny and i were married on october 21, 2012. that day and the days leading up to it were the most frightening, wonderful, beautiful, life-changing moments of my brief life. we have fallen into a kind of rhythm of living, knowing, feeling what each other wants, needs, looking out for each other without being too intrusive (at least in her case), being there when support is needed. remember, if you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
her family are some of the most wonderful people i've ever met. it seems they have done a lot of charity work, which has probably helped them bring me into the fold a little more smoothly. as for my family, that is, the ones that are still alive and still talk to me, everybody loves jenny. my son likes her more than he likes me, which is understandable. i've been nominated, but never quite got father of the year. anyways, enough about me.... let's talk about how you met me. think back, blablablabloggers, look back, if you have to. just a few years back, read, as i have, jenny's thoughts and words upon first encountering the white boy, a strange animal in a foreign land, a lone wolf running through the night, seeing strange things, strange places, strange people, pretty much a lonely guy... anyways, i digress. more about me. read back, blablabloggers, back back back: 2010, 2009: the early accounts of white boy on the blog. you'll agree it's as if she saw a bigfoot walking through the woods, or a chupacabra flying through the night. she seemed interested, intrigued, but not quite sure what to make of this.... JAMES!!! i still enjoy laying back and reading her account of our first encounters. i read her blog now for pleasure, not to try to find out who her attempted suitors are so i can merrily beat them to a pulp. that jealous maniac has passed away. he died during the wedding ceremony. resurrection is improbable. for all you christians, jesus did it, but i'm not god's son, although i have been officially dead three times, defibrillated back to life. jesus only died once. i'm not saying i'm better than him, but i did die three times, and it didn't take me three day to come back. anyway, i'm getting off track again. i don't know how long this will be up here. jenny doesn't know i'm doing this.... you're welcome to leave comments, hopefully nice ones. if you choose to sling mud upon my words, leave your comment as anonymous. it'll be safer for you.
i'm going to go make out with my wife after having a cigarette. i'm going to have a cigarette, that is. not my wife. she doesn't smoke. don't think bad thoughts about my wife. if you choose to leave rude, mean, off-color, jealous, sexually obscure comments on her blog, please be anonymous. it'll be safer for you.... hey! am i repeating myself? ... no answer, eh? it doesn't really matter, does it?
this blog is kind of fun. i'm thinking about getting my own blog. i'm wondering what kind of blog i would like, sort of like choosing a dog -- you want to raise it the right way, teach it the right things, try not to have it bite people who don't deserve it. what about you? do you have a blog, or do you just read this one? would you read mine, if i chose to start one? you're welcome to.
i guess that's it for now. so i, james a page, aka whiteboy james, aka the bulldog, aka mayor of misery, aka worm, aka put your hands up!!!!, also known in some circles as "you there," am signing off for now. i'm glad you're reading this instead of surfing porn. good night, all. i have one piece of fried chicken left. i'm going to eat it, have a cigarette, and make out with my wife. by the way, her name's jenny. this is her blog. nighty-night. :D